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parkeradison Donating Member (82 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Apr-03-08 05:27 PM
Original message
Would You Like To Vomit?
You've got to read this piece below. I'm sure it's happened to you too; you're channel surfing and come across one of those diamond ring wearing preachers on TBN. Enjoy!

Evangelical Monday–”TBN”
March 31st, 2008
Trinity Broadcasting Network (TBN) is the largest religious broadcasting network in the world. They have over 10,000 stations that literally span the globe. Its founders, Paul and Jan Crouch, may have come from humble beginnings, but their lifestyle is anything but humble today. And, TBN’s airwaves are filled with the voices of many of the money-loving preachers I’ve been exposing on my “Evangelical Monday” blogs; the likes of Benny Hinn, Joyce Meyer, Creflo Dollar, Kenneth Copeland etc. The old saying, “birds of a feather flock together”, often holds true.

Paul and Jan Crouch have “tightened their belts” and managed to get by with a combined annual income of $800,000. They have humbled themselves to live in a $5 million oceanfront home in California that has an elevator, billiard room, climate controlled wine room, as well as nine bathrooms. Let’s see, that would be four and a half bathrooms apiece. That almost seems like more than necessary for two people, but maybe they have diarrhea a lot. Oh, I forgot to mention that they also have a $10 million, 80 acre ranch in Texas that has another eight houses. Hmm, that would be another four houses each. I guess they just need some private space to be alone at times. And, who are we to judge? We’ve all played the game of musical chairs. Perhaps Paul and Jan play a variation of the game, “musical houses”. Like Benny Hinn, Joyce Meyer, Creflo Dollar and most other tv preachers, Paul has a $13 million private jet furnished to him by TBN. I imagine that was donation money well-spent because Paul has to keep up with the other tv hucksters. Can you imagine how embarrassing it would be for Paul to have to fly “first class” on a regular airline, while “Brother Benny”, Joyce and Creflo fly in their own private jets? The man has a reputation to protect; in fact, quite a reputation, as you will see.

Maybe I’m being too hard on Paul and Jan. After all, Paul did limit the size of his executive office in the TBN building to just 8000 square feet. And, he was very discreet about its construction. He only allowed a special crew of 25 carpenters to work on it, while it was off-limits to everyone else. Now that I think about it, his executive office is still off-limits to everyone but Paul and Jan themselves, and special guests who they personally invite to visit with them in Paul’s modest “work area”. What kind of conditions does Paul have to endure as he slaves away? Just an office that’s four times larger than the average American house, and that contains a sauna, gym, bar, ornate velvet furniture and the most expensive custom, walnut woodworking available in the world. You know, the kind of stuff that I’m sure you’d find in your local insurance or real estate agent’s office. Did I mention that the 25 member carpentry crew worked full-time for six months on Paul’s office, which would have been a labor cost of about $780,000. Once again, you can see that Paul and Jan made sure to “cut corners” to save their donors unnecessary expenses.

Also, don’t pay any attention to those stories that became public a few years ago regarding Paul’s alleged homosexual affair with his former limo driver. What’s the chances of that being true? Just because the story has been corroborated by a former employee of Crouch’s good friend Benny Hinn, and by an attorney who worked at the law firm that TBN and Crouch used for handling their legal matters. And, just because Paul paid his alleged “gay partner” $425,000 in hush money, does not mean that Paul is guilty, right?

In view of the kind of characters being covered each week in my “Evangelical Monday” blogs, I’m beginning to wonder if I shouldn’t change the name of my Monday segments to something more appropriate; maybe a soap opera kind of name like, “As The Stomach Turns”.

The website I copied this from allows you to do so. They also have a good blog just posted today about "The Obama Project". The web address is: http://www.rightwingexposed.com
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Selatius Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Apr-03-08 05:35 PM
Response to Original message
1. Jesus had 0 square feet of executive space.
Edited on Thu Apr-03-08 05:36 PM by Selatius
He never amassed any great wealth to himself unlike others in his day. Instead, whatever he did get was used for food and shelter for himself and others. These people are moneylenders pretending to be priests.
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tularetom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Apr-03-08 05:37 PM
Response to Original message
2. There is nothing I'd rather do than vomit.
Actually I find myself more angry with the dumshits that contribute to scams like this than with the scammers themselves.

In "the information age" there is no reason whatsoever for anybody to be so fuckin dumb as to send money to these pieces a shit.

Anybody should know better. If they don't fuck 'em.
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monmouth Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Apr-03-08 05:42 PM
Response to Reply #2
4. Agree. The IRS has got to start getting serious about taxing ALL religions.
I mean all of them. There's is no reason that the great wealth the Protestants, Catholics, Fundys, all of them should not be paying taxes. I'm sick of it...
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Th1onein Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Apr-03-08 05:37 PM
Response to Original message
3. Now, isn't that just soooooo special?
I am mesmerized by Jan Crouch and her pink hair. I saw a video on Youtube, once, where she was telling all the little old ladies out there to send in their "little grocery money" that they had saved. What a shitty bitch!
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Canuckistanian Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Apr-03-08 05:42 PM
Response to Reply #3
5. Good to see you around, Th1onein
How's life treating you these days?
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Th1onein Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Apr-03-08 08:23 PM
Response to Reply #5
9. I'm totally combobulated, Canuckistanian!
By that I mean that things are going great! How about yourself?
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Canuckistanian Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Apr-04-08 05:46 AM
Response to Reply #9
13. Fine, just fine
Just enjoying watching the snow melt.

I think that's the first time I've seen the word "combobulate" used.

Well done. :hi:
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pompano Donating Member (506 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Apr-03-08 05:42 PM
Response to Original message
6. A house with a elevator...
If you can't buy your way to the TOP floor you can always mash a button?

It is obviously not a bachelor pad. We had 9 wine rooms and 1 bathroom.

The funniest: paid $425,000 hush money...somebody didn't hush...we're talking about it :shrug:

:rofl:

Maybe the good pastor should have stuck to air conditioned dog houses?
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rurallib Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Apr-03-08 05:43 PM
Response to Original message
7. Sounds like someone McCain needs to get an endorsement from
Edited on Thu Apr-03-08 05:43 PM by rurallib
and then reward with a tax cut.
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JuniperLea Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Apr-03-08 05:47 PM
Response to Original message
8. Wow! I've waited a long time to post these lyrics... and now I've used them twice in one day!!
Lights, camera, silence on the set
Tape rolling, 3-2-1 action
Welcome to the Church of Suicidal
We'll have a sermon and a wonderful recital
But before we go on there's something I must mention
An important message I must bring to your attention
I was in meditation and prayer last night
I was awakened by a shining bright light
Overhead a glorious spirit, he gave me a message and you all
need to hear it
"Send me your money," that's what he said
He said to "Send me your money"
Now if you can only send a dollar or two
There ain't a hell of a lot I can do for you
But if you want to see heaven's door
Make out a check for five hundred or more
"Send me your money," do you hear what I said?
"Send me your money"

Now give me some bass, um yea that's how he likes it
Now give me some silence, for all you sinners
Now give me some bass, yea that was funky
Now take them on home Brother Clark, send me your money
Here comes another con hiding behind a collar
His only god is the almighty dollar
He ain't no prophet, he ain't healer
He's just a two bit goddamn money stealer
Send me your money
Send it, you got to send it
Send me your money
You hear what I'm saying?
Send it, send it
Send me your money
How much you give is your own choice
But to me it is the difference between a Porsche and a Rolls Royce
I want you to make it hurt when you dig into your pocket
Cause it makes me feel so good to watch my profits rocket
Send me your money
Now dig in deep, dig real deep into your pocket
I want you to make it hurt!
We'll take cash, we'll take checks
We'll take credit cards, we'll take jewelry
We'll take your momma's dentures if they got gold in them
So whose gonna be the next king of the fakers
Whose gonna take the place of Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker?
See my momma, she didn't raise no fool
Couse you can't put a price on a miracle
Amen
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Th1onein Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Apr-03-08 08:26 PM
Response to Reply #8
10. This is great!
Who wrote this? Did you?
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JuniperLea Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Apr-04-08 12:03 PM
Response to Reply #10
15. I wish! This is a song by Suicidal Tendancies... :)
Actually, they recorded it... but I swear I heard it long before that. I swear I can hear my little sister singing it long before that band made the scene.
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Initech Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Apr-03-08 08:33 PM
Response to Reply #8
11. Jesus Thinks You're A Jerk
Yes, friends . . . Pass the plate around, friends . . . Join us, friends . . .

There's an ugly little weasel 'bout three-foot nine
Face puffed up from cryin' 'n lyin'
'Cause her sweet little hubby's
Suckin' prong part time
(In the name of The Lord)

Get a clue, little shrew
Oh yeah, oh yeah
Jesus thinks you're a jerk
Would he really choose Tammy to do His Work? Unh-unh

Hallelujah!
(Yes, friends . . . )

Robertson says that he's The One
Oh he sure is, if Armageddon
Is your idea of family fun,
An' he's got some planned for you!
(Now, tell me that ain't true)

Give me that old time religion!

Now, what if Jimbo's slightly gay,
Will Pat let Jimbo get away?
Everything we've heard him say
Indicates that Jim must pay,
(And it just might hurt a bit) Just a bit!
But keep that money rollin' in,
'Cause Pat and naughty Jimbo
Can't get enough of it (let's dance!)

Perhaps it's their idea
Of an Affirmative Action Plan
To give White Trash a 'special break';
Well, they took those Jeezo-bucks and ran
To the bank! To the bank! To the bank! To the bank!
And every night we can hear them thank
Their Buddy, up above
For sending down his love
(While you all smell the glove)

Henry Cisneros, ladies and gentlemen!

Jim and Pat should take a pole
(Right up each saintly glory-hole),
With tar and feathers too --
Just like they'd love to do to you

('Cause they think you are bad --
Yes, they do!
And they are very mad)

'Cause some folks don't want prayer in school!

(We'd need an ark to survive the drool
Of Micro-publicans, raised on hate,
And 'Jimbo-Jumbo' when they graduate)

Convinced they are 'The Chosen Ones' --
And all their parents carry guns,
(Hey, look! Godzilla!)
And hold them cards in the N.R.A.
(Ah, hellfire, Melvin, hey hee!)
(With their fingers on the trigger
("It's hot.")
When they kneel and pray)
("I mean that . . . ")

With a Ku-Klux muu-muu
In the back of the truck,
If you ain't Born Again,
They wanna mess you up, screamin':
"No abortion, no-siree!"
"Life's too precious, can't you see!"
(What's that hangin' from a neighbor's tree?
Why, it looks like 'colored folks' to me --
Would THEY do THAT . . .
They've been doin' it for years!
Seriously?)

And now, ladies and gentlemen, the dynamic Eric Buxton

Imagine if you will,
A multi-millionaire TV Evangelist,
Saved from Korean Combat duty by his father, a U.S. Senator

Studied law --
But is not qualified to practice it

Father of a "love child"
Who, in adulthood, hosts the remnants
Of papa's religious propaganda program

Claims not to be a "Faith Healer,"
But has, in the past,
Dealt sternly with everything from hemorrhoids to hurricanes

Involved with funding for an 'undeclared war' in Central America
Claiming Ronald Reagan and Oliver North as close friends

Involved in suspicous 'tax-avoidance schemes',
(Under investigation for 16 months by the I.R.S.)

Claims to be a MAN OF GOD;
Currently seeking the United States Presidency,
Hoping we will all follow him into --
The Twilight Zone

But, hey! What if Pat gets in the White House,
(No fuckin' way, Ike,
You know what I mean)
The rights of 'certain people' disappear
Mysteriously?

Now, wouldn't that sort of qualify
As an American Tragedy?
(Especially if they cover it up, sayin'
"Jesus told it to me!")
(I mean vapor tight, we're like this, okay?
I mean that)
I hope we never see that day,
(I mean that. Right here. It's hot. It's hot.)
In The Land of The Free --
Or someday will we?
(92?)
Will we?
(96?)

And if you don't know by now,
The truth of what I'm tellin' you,
Then, surely I have failed somehow --
Surely I have failed somehow
Surely I have failed somehow

And Jesus will think I'm a jerk, just like you --
If you let those TV Preachers
Make a monkey out of you!

I said:
"Jesus will think you're a jerk"
And it would be true!

There's an old rugged cross
In the land of the Stainless Maiden --
It's just burnin' on the lawn
But this person looks like Tom Braden!

Jim and Tammy!
Oh, baby!
You gotta go!
You really got to go!
Jim and Tammy got to go

- Frank Zappa, "Broadway The Hard Way", 1988
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JuniperLea Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Apr-04-08 12:05 PM
Response to Reply #11
16. Good ol' Frank!
Genius. Pure genius.

Great post:)
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Initech Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Apr-03-08 08:37 PM
Response to Original message
12. You should see TBN's headquarters.
It's in Costa Mesa, CA. About a few blocks from South Coast Plaza mall. The thing is fucking huge. It's a testament to all that is wrong with this country.

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JuniperLea Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Apr-04-08 12:35 PM
Response to Reply #12
17. I live in the Long Beach area...
And one of my sisters lives in Laguna Hills... I pass that monstrosity often... and I flip it off every time:)

Think of all the starving children that could be fed... think of all the downtrodden that could be uplifted by a little care... think of all the things that Jesus REALLY taught instead of the bastardization we see before us now... think of all the things the money that built that horrid display of gluttony and greed could have done for so many...
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OwnedByFerrets Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Apr-04-08 10:42 AM
Response to Original message
14. ...
"Paul and Jan Crouch have “tightened their belts” and managed to get by with a combined annual income of $800,000."
Boo fucking Hooooo. :puke: :puke:
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SodoffBush Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Apr-04-08 01:33 PM
Response to Original message
18. No, which is why I never watch Bush on TV
He literally makes me want to puke.
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