China Moves Olympics to Undisclosed Location

[proud2BlibKansan]

China Moves Olympics to Undisclosed Location
New Strategy to Outwit Protesters

Fearful about the prospect of human rights protesters ruining the 2008 Olympics in Beijing, China today announced a plan to move the summer games to a remote location where no one can find them.

A spokesman for the Chinese ministry of sport, Wu Qingxiu, said that the plan to move the Olympics to an undisclosed location has “advanced from the planning stage into the doing stage.”

The reasoning behind the move was simple, Wu told reporters: “You cannot protest what you cannot find.”

While rumors swirled about where the Olympics might be relocated, the Chinese official said that all such speculation is futile: “China is a very large country, and if you want to hide the Olympics, it is a very easy thing to do.”

In order to keep the new location a secret, Wu revealed that China had not even disclosed it to NBC, who has a contract to televise the 2008 summer games.

This decision drew an outraged response from NBC chairman Jeff Zucker, who told reporters in New York, “If NBC doesn’t know where the Olympics are, no one will watch them.”

Wu took exception to Mr. Zucker’s comment about no one watching the Olympics, responding, “That sounds like a typical NBC show to me.”

On the campaign trail, Sen. Hillary Clinton (D-NY) blasted China’s human rights record, telling an audience in Pittsburgh, “I have always fought for human rights in China, which is why I risked my life in Tiananmen Square.”

Mrs. Clinton spent the day crisscrossing Pennsylvania while former president Bill Clinton wrapped up a successful trip to Bogota.

http://www.borowitzreport.com/default.asp

[KansDem]

1. LOL!!!--This is worthy of "The Onion"

Perhaps the only person attending will be Dick Cheney assuming that all undisclosed locations around the world are linked by secret underground tunnels as a kind of "professional courtesy" for despots.

Hey, Proud2Blib: My Jayhawk's bigger than your Jayhawk!

[proud2BlibKansan]

2. I love Borowitz

It's about my favorite email every week.

You know my Jayhawk WAS bigger and then it was mysteriously shrunk. So watch your back!!

Are you coming to the JoCo breakfast on Sat?

[KansDem]

3. Yes, I should be there...

I work one Saturday a month, usually the third Saturday, but sometimes my schedule changes on me due to colleagues' vacations, workshops, etc. But I should be able to make the second Saturday meetings most of the time.

[lapfog_1]

4. That was a great parody post!

But, MY Jayhawk is bigger than all of yours!

[proud2BlibKansan]

6. LOL!!

Attack of the Giant Jayhawk!!

[uppityperson]

5. Olympic Torch Used To Ignite Tibetan Protesters

http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/olympic_torch_used_to

BEIJING—A universally recognized symbol of goodwill, the Olympic torch was used to immolate hundreds of Tibetan protesters during its journey across mainland China last week, in what is being called a stirring display of competitive spirit and Chinese nationalism.

"It was a thrilling experience," said torchbearer Wei Xiang, a member of the People's Liberation Army, who personally set 23 monks ablaze as he ran past their peaceful protest. "Today, I am very proud to be Chinese." As the torch travels the globe, a group of Serbian Nationalists has reportedly offered to transport the emblematic flame across the newly independent nation of Kosovo.

[KansDem]

8. STOP IT!!! You're killing me!!!

:rofl:

My two most favorite Onion "news articles"

From 2001
Bush Finds Error In Fermilab Calculations
From 2005
Bush Regales Dinner Guests With Impromptu Oratory On Virgil's Minor Works

I've read and re-read these two many times over the years and still laugh each time...

[hisownpetard]

7. ... (posted yesterday)...

hisownpetard (1000+ posts) Wed Apr-09-08 06:25 PM
Response to Original message

6. Are they also going to hold the Olympics in an undisclosed location?

This is a SNL skit in the making.

-----

:hi:

[lonestarnot]

9. Olympic Underground! Using the torch to light the pool.