My grandmother is a racist.

[iamthebandfanman]

Granted ive known about her prejudices in the past, but i never expected to hear what i heard yesterday come from her mouth.

i come to my grandmothers house every day. she is unable to take care of herself and my mother is also down for the count after having back surgery. im the only person in the family who is capable of providing the help she needs on a day to day basis.

yesterday, because of the primary hooplah in Penn, she asked me if i would be sure to try and take her to vote or find out about absentee ballots. i agreed and said wed find a way to get her vote in.
she then asked me who i was going to vote for. i explained that i hadnt really decided between the two until the last couple of weeks because of the campaigns turning ugly(something i hate with a passion). i told her i would probably be voting for obama, tho in reality i didnt like either him nor clinton very much.

she then responded with something i never thought id hear come out of her mouth.

"you arent gonna let him in there are you?! hes gonna let them ni**#$(i think u can figure out the word) walk all over us!"

needless to say i bit my tongue and told her i had to leave.

this upset me alot.

i fear this is the sentiment of most people over 65, especially in southern states(i live in kentucky).

i also noticed in last nites exit polls that clinton had a strong command of the 65+ vote and obama had the strong command of the 18-25 vote.

now that ive heard such a shocking thing come out of one of my own family members mouth, i have no doubt that most of the 65+ crowd vote is based on race in this primary. i had heard my grandmas 'worries' voiced by others in my community while just casually being a conversation snoop at places like wal-mart.

will we ever be able to get past race any time soon, or will we have to wait for the 18-25 voters to be in their 60s? the older vote always carries the election after all.

edit: id just like to add that she is also a life-long democrat.

[gratuitous]

1. I decline to extrapolate

Being close to that demographic myself, I decline to extrapolate to everyone over the age of 65 based on your grandmother. Thank you for your concern, however.

[iamthebandfanman]

2. to imply that im implying all 65+

people are racist is kinda ignorant.

im just stating there is a large group of people in the 65+ group who will vote based on race because of their upbringing.

[gratuitous]

8. Gee, I must have read that wrong . . .

"i fear this is the sentiment of most people over 65." But if you're backing off that fatuous statement to say now that "a large group" (whatever that means) of people over 65 might be racist, then I guess that's practically self-evident, considering the number of people under 65 who are racist.

[iamthebandfanman]

10. fine, take it as you want

the point of this thread wasnt to argue with someone over wording.
yes, i do think the majority of older adults who live in rural areas have racist sentiments.

im sorry you want to defend your age group and live in denial that racism is still a huge problem in older adults.

hey, maybe if you think it hard enough itll be true. seems to work for republicans.

[Donnachaidh]

26. ooh, the stereotyping goes on

Hey, what was that saying again -- the party of CHANGE?

I guess that only applies to people who use stereotyping to make a FALSE point.

Remember, there are a LOT of people who are now over 65 who MARCHED during the Civil Rights era. But you go right ahead -- brand them with the same brush.

It's obvious the young haven't learned a damned thing about this country's history.

[N4457S]

29. I Was Raised...

...in the Rust Belt in a fairly affluent area and I'm here to tell you that most of them are.

We have relatives in both Ohio and Pennsylvania and those are the only two places I go anymore where the N word is still used on a regular basis.

They're bitter about the years-long decline in the local economy and also about not having their kids around in retirement. The kids leave for jobs elsewhere because they have to.

[madaboutharry]

3. My mother is 75

She voted for Obama, but sadly of all her friends she was the only one. They all voted for Clinton.

I honestly think it has much to do with the times in which their world view was formed. My mom told me her entire life until she was well into her 30's, the only people who were in positions of authority were whites. If otherwise, it was extremely rare. I had a teacher in elementary school in the late 60's who was African American, but I honestly think she was the only African American teacher in the entire district. I fear that you are correct in that people who were already well into adulthood by the time the Civil Rights movement took hold were never able to reshape the way they saw race in this country. It is tragic.

[iamthebandfanman]

6. my grandmother is 76

it really is sad. i dont want anyone to think im saying all people over 65 are racist, cause thats not true...

but to deny that theres a large group who do base it on race just because of how and when they were raised is silly.

[Harry Monroe]

31. My grandmother will be 101 next month

She voted for Bush in 2004 on the advice of one of my dad's friends, a right wing nutjob (my dad turned 80 yesterday). She doesn't keep up with the issues, but takes the advice of my dad's friend as gospel. I've tried to educate her, but I don't push too hard, because of her age and she is a stubborn old lady!! My dad never registered to vote for the stupid reason that he was afraid if he registered he would be called up for jury duty. Ironically the parish in Louisiana where he lives changed the qualifications for jury duty to anyone with a driver's license and he got called up!! I needled him for a long time about that!! He will always cuss at the TV railing about the Republicans, but won't get off his ass and register. I've had many fruitless arguments over the years about how he really shouldn't complain if he doesn't participate in the process, but he says "it's a free country and I can speak my mind when I want". We both have valid points, and I leave it at that because it's like talking to a brick wall. My mother, bless her heart, is a lifelong Democrat and has always voted a Democratic ticket. It is a tradition in her family (with the exception of one of my uncles). My dad's 92 year old 1st cousin shocked me the other day by saying that she was supporting Hillary!!! I always had her pegged as a Republican!!

[GoneOffShore]

4. Opposite side of the coin - Almost

A story told on NPR Talk of the Nation a couple of weeks ago.

A pastor from Texas called in and said that one of her older parishioners was talking about the upcoming Texas primary.

He said he couldn't vote for "that woman", so he was voting for the other one - "Barack?" "Yeah, the 'redacted'. He'll do a better job."

[iamthebandfanman]

9. i have no doubt

that if hillary is the nominee ill atleast hear one older man say something to that effect close to the general election.

im just hopeful for the future, even here in my state, as the youth are way more socially liberal than some of the people in my area have and will ever be. lol.

[glowing]

Most likely yes... They grew up fearing a black man. Hiding their purses

thinking they were some kind of animal.. they are stupid and irrational fears.. and I beleive that we will have to wait for them to die out.. the people who show up in November are normally 65+. They are the one's that the SD are looking at.. Women and old people are your base.. I think Hillary will be the nom. Barack should accept VP and let little old ladies get used to looking at him.. so they trust him.. so they vote for him..

[iamthebandfanman]

7. i think its fear of retaliation

i honestly think she believes if an african american is elected he would some how put whites below people of his own colour...

which i think says alot ... because i think it kinda self admits that they know how they treated african americans was wrong... why else would they expect to be hit back if they didnt think they threw the first punch.

[glowing]

13. Perhaps.. I don't think the white house is going to turn into a

silly slapstick comedy... you know, the one's where the racially biased character's show up and do things like bar b cue, say something stupid, have their "krunk" juice spilling all over the blue room.. I think those movies are one of the worst stereotypes of movies.. and to think the Obama's are going to open up the Whitehouse to some freekshow like the Flavor of Love turns into... I don't think Cuz is going to walk into the oval office and press the red button just because he kicked up his feet while devouring his fried chicken and mac n cheese...

On Edit: I know this season of primaries seems really devisive.. I took myself away from it a while ago.. I barely pay any attention.. I truly don't know what 3am is about.. I'm in bed too early for Sat night live, since I work very early on Sunday am, I try not to go into gd:p at all, unless the title looks informative. So, that whole thing passed me by.. and guess what folks.. I think it passed most people by in America.. I took myself out of it and basically said let me pretend I'm like the rest of America.. There is no preference. At the end of the day, people are voting on name reconition or a really good speech... If you ask someone what the true policy diff. is between obama and clinton, you don't know.. all there are is dirty snippets. The two need to take on a ticket together.. Clinton/ Obama or Obama/ Clinton.

[VWolf]

5. Ouch. I have to admit,

my grandmother has said a few racist things in the past. But she just turned 100, so we cut her some slack.

My dad, on the other hand, has no excuse. I was talking to him about the middle east and why going into Iraq was a mistake because none of the 9/11 hijackers were Iraqi, etc, etc. His response was "they're all the same over there".

[gsaguyCLW54]

11. believe me.....theres lots of people who say they will vote for Obama in November....

...but will not when the curtain closes.

[boobooday]

She probably heard a lot of fearmongering

as a child. "Walk all over us" comes straight from racist propaganda. After the atrocities committed against African-Americans, the threat that they were secretly plotting revenge on a massive, organized scale was a pretty effective fear tactic, and it still works to some extent, as we've seen with the Pastor Wright brouhaha.

You could come back with something along the lines of "I think he would represent all of us," to provide a gentle corrective. It would be great to find a way to express your disapproval of her remarks without rejecting her. I have tried to practice this with my in-laws. I don't know if it really worked to change their attitudes, but it made me feel better, and did not damage our relationships, and I don't think it would damage your relationship with your grandmother. Perhaps she would move an inch or two, and that would be a great thing.

Not all members of the older generations are racist, but all of them, black and white, were exposed to a much harsher racial rhetoric than those of us born after 1960. Pastor Wright remembers, your grandmother remembers, I think everyone but Sean Hannity and a few others also remember. I grew up in Indiana in the 60s and 70s, and seeing Obama in Evansville last night, and seeing all of the older white Hoosier folk behind him among the college students made me realize how far we can come.

:hi:

[zalinda]

12. There are many people in this country who are racist

always have been, always will be. And, yes let's blame the over 65 crowd because that's easier than realizing that racism is among all ages. Most people do not show their racist tendencies until it's forced on them. They can go about their life without having a serious negative thought toward race, and then when a job is offered to a black person instead of them, racism shows it's head. There is racism right now between groups other than black or white, because when resources get tight, it's easy to find a scapegoat.

Your grandmother probably feels that Obama is being shoved down her throat, so the racism popped up. My grandmother lived in a neighborhood that was 95% black, it was a case of white flight, but she stayed. Her next door neighbor was black and she was friends with her, but the woman's husband was a different matter. Whenever the guy would impinge on her with his baying dogs or some other bothersome thing, she would mutter the n word. But, at the senior center where she went to play cards, one of her best friends was black. Go figure.

Racism is never a cut and dried situation, no matter what anyone says. True racism is when you decide that you don't like the person because of his race. There is also stress racism, or any other ism, when you are under stress and you need to blame someone, anyone for what is going on in your life. It's a coping mechanism, and it goes on in the black community too.

zalinda

[boobooday]

14. shoved down her throat?

"true racism?"

I think all racism feels like racism to those at whom it is directed.

[zalinda]

19. True racism is the only racism that normally

would get directed at someone. Right now the OP is being accused of ageism, how different is that from racism? Does she hate her grandmother? No, she came up against something that she doesn't like and "lashed out" at old people. If this issue with Obama had not come up, she would have probably never said anything about people over 65. Does she hate all people over 65, of course not. Duh!

zalinda

[boobooday]

33. I don't think she is lashing out

I think she is trying to rationalize the offensive words of her grandmother, whom she loves, and who said something ugly.

I didn't say she hates all people over 65. I wondered why you thought it was because she felt Obama was being "shoved down her throat."

[zalinda]

39. Both Clinton and Obama have been shoved down

dems throats. Who the hell had any choice? Only the people in Iowa. The lesser of 2 evils suck, big time. Yeah, you can either get hit in the face or stomped on the foot. Sorry, I don't want the pain.

zalinda

[glowing]

16. You know, no matter what the race, we all have some "n's" in each one.

The uneducated, dumb asses that make you shake your head and really wish for a total overhaul on public education.. because at the end of the day.. that was the failure of these people.. they do not have the capacity to think beyond what the t.v. has told them to think..

[Romulox]

15. How is stereotyping old, white people any less racist than stereotyping young black people, e.g.?

You are getting caught in a vortex of circular logic.

It's no different for your grandma to assume all black people are criminals than for you to assume that all old white people are bigots. It's the exact same type of stereotyping, just directed at a different group.

[slampoet]

20. You are the only person saying "all old white people"

Stop with the hyperbole please.

[Romulox]

22. From the OP: "i have no doubt that most of the 65+ crowd vote is based on race in this primary..."

I'm not the one attempting to psycho-analyze massive demographics based on no other data than my own grandmom!

[asjr]

17. Age and geography have a great deal

to do with the racism that still abounds whether we admit it or not. My father's family were from Georgia. My grandmother had "kitchen help" and was good to them BUT, they were still "colored." The whole family was racist. I don't know how I managed to escape it but I did. But they were taught that. My grandmother and grandfather were born in the 1880s. They grew up with racism. That was the norm in the South. I remember wondering why on earth Georgians would elect Lester Maddox (ax-handles) governor of the state. But early on I was schooled in Philadelphia in the late 30s and early 40s. Schools were already integrated there. I will forever be grateful for that.

[Bonhomme Richard]

18. A little compassion might be called for here.

I have a 84 year old mother in law and lately I am hearing more blatant racist speech as time goes on. This is happening more often and I am beginning to think that her mental ability to restrain what she thinks from immediately leaving her mouth is not functioning like it used to. I would never here her speak like that although you knew she was a racist by other comments. Anyway, she used to keep herself in check and I am inclined to think that she has lost that ability.
We all have immediate thoughts that we self censor because they are ignorant.
If this is new "blatant" behavior maybe it is just age and mental capacity.
Maybe that is what you are really hearing.
Just a thought.

[Coyote_Bandit]

21. Uhhhhh

You need to add a big exemption for the folks who live in Arkansas.

I know an old man there who met Bill and Hillary when Bill made his very first run for governor. Met them at a community barbecue. They sat and talked to the man and his wife and kids for over an hour. He has never forgotten that. Says it is the only time he felt like any politician ever listened to him and heard his concerns. Lest you think this particular fellow is a closet racist of sorts you should know that he helped a black man run for mayor in the mid 70's in a small town that was 98% white.

I guaran-damn-tee you that there are lots of older folks like that in Arkansas. Bill didn't suddenly learn how to mix and mingle with folks during his presidential campaign. Building relationships with voters was something he did for years in Arkansas. Something those who came before and after him have not matched.

Sorry about your grandmother. But really you cannot use her prejudices as the measure of what folks over a certain age are like. Her prejudices are her own. You cannot project them across her generation.

[purji]

23. You and me both!

But I've always known Grandma was,shes not real subtle.
Any time we drove home from her house,the discussion was why it was wrong for Grandma to say what she did.

[Name removed]

24. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[izquierdista]

25. Slap back

When dealing with racists, one needs to get down in the shit and fling it right back at them:

"Yeah, that may be, but George and his good old boys have screwed things up SO bad, that it's going to take a busload of niggers to clean up after them. Get used to it. As long as they were in the back of the bus, you didn't mind, but now that one might be DRIVING the bus, what are you worrying about? The bus is in the ditch now, how's he going to hurt it trying to get it back on the road?"

There are a lot of old "New Deal" Democrats that were all for civil rights and integration as long as it didn't upset the silent ranking that kept "them" on the bottom of the ladder. They could easily give up the hateful practices of Jim Crow and segregation, but they were never going to welcome them as true equals. They need to be reminded that this is not the 1950s where the first colored XXX was a newsworthy story. There have been so many first colored this and first colored that, both elected and appointed by Republicans and Democrats, that it should be a non-issue. Jackie Robinson didn't cause the Dodgers to "let the niggers walk all over" the Dodgers; Tom Bradley didn't "let the niggers walk all over" Los Angeles, and her concern about Obama is bullshit.

Throw the language right back at her. It was thrown at you for its shock value and judging from your post, it worked. You need to be prepared in the next discussion to hurl some shock language right back. If it makes you feel dirty, well, go take a shower afterwards.

Lest you think that such a response would be disrespectful to the older generation, I would point out that you can't let them persist in their delusions. It's never easy to take the keys away from someone who should no longer be driving, and it's not going to be easy to tell them that their 1950s attitude toward race isn't going to fly any more. You could always make taking her to vote contingent on her behaving better and actually getting informed on what Obama stands for.

If old farts do sink Obama's chances in the election, it won't be the first time in history that old people have ruined an election. In 1932, the demographic that turned out the highest percentage for Hitler for Chancellor was the 65+ group.

[trof]

27. So was mine, but she was unaware that she was.

It's just 'the way things were' in the south.
She was suspicious of niggers, and gypsies, and dagos, and jews because they were 'different'.
And they were all probably up to no good.

Happily, I've come a long way from what I 'learned' at her knee.
And my daughter is even more progressive in her views.
I think each generation gets a little better.
So there's hope.
:-)

[sinkingfeeling]

28. Racism does not belong exclusively to any age group nor to any race. It's an equal opportunity

employer.

[Javaman]

30. A democrat or a dixiecrat? there is a gigantic difference. nt

[IowaGirl]

32. Another factor with older women is that they have experienced more sexism which makes them long for

the first woman president. Women couldn't vote when my mother was born and I know that is a huge motivator for her to vote for Clinton. She does sound a little more prejudiced than I have ever heard her but as people get older, they sometimes do dwell more on their childhood and what life was like then. I do know that she brought me up to not judge people by their skin color and I try to focus more on what she has been like the bulk of my life.

[Elspeth]

34. But this doesn't mean they are racist.

..

[ProudToBeBlueInRhody]

38. Y'know, it's weird

I'd never consider my own mother (who is 74) to have a racist bone in her body, but her anti-Obama comments bother me. First it was just "It's a woman's turn, time for the men to step aside." and "This guy just showed up and wants to be president now". Now she actually said things like "The blacks have to go to the back of the bus on this one" and "You know, Obama used to call himself 'Barry' when he was white."

It bothers me. I think it gets to my dad too, although he supports Hillary too.

[marshall]

35. I daresay most white grandmothers are racists by today's standards

At least most of the ones I know. They might consider themselves progressive by the standard of pre-Civil rights era, but in today's world they are racist.

[ProudToBeBlueInRhody]

36. I saw a thirty something guy saying he "just doesn't want to vote for a colored man".

The future generations simply learn at the feet of the elders. Hoping that racists just die off won't change much.

[deaniac21]

37. Learn the scientific method.

[krispos42]

40. So is my granfather, although we have not talked about this election yet

But the first time I met them after my wife left me, he said, out loud to everybody in the room, something to the effect of "So are we gonna whack her?"

Our jaws dropped, and my mom and I hastened to say "No no no, Sam still needs a mom."

To which he replied "You can get some PRs to do it. They'll do it for hot dogs, you know."

PRs= Puerto Ricans

EVERYBODY in the room, simultainously, looked at my mom. She's the eldest child, so we all passed the buck to her! :-)

She defused it quickly, but Poppy looked kinda disappointed. :shrug:

[XOKCowboy]

41. One of mine was too...

A strong, disciplined and wonderful woman in all other ways. It was just the way she was raised. It really was her only major flaw. Luckily it didn't pass down to my father. He never used the N word and in Oklahoma in the 60's that was rare.

Now my other grandmother was a full-blood Lenapi. She was taken from her family as a 6 yr old and sent to a Catholic school in Kansas. They cut her hair and punished her for speaking her native tongue. Her parents died while she was there. Yet she was the most gentle and kind woman ever and not a touch of racism.

[NNN0LHI]

42. Most people I know are racist and they aren't shy about it either

I mean the majority wouldn't participate in a lynching or anything like that (I don't think anyway?), but they are racist as all get out.

Age seems to make little difference. I bet for every 65 year old racist grandmother out there you will find an 18 year old racist granddaughter out there some where.

I denounce all forms of racism but denying it isn't there is not dealing with reality.

Don

[XOKCowboy]

44. How do you think that this will affect an Obama candidacy in the GE?

I'm asking because I'm from a place where many people have said they wouldn't vote for a uhhh black person either. Some are lifelong Dems (union members) who said in my presence that they either won't vote or will vote for McCain if Obama is the candidate.

Me? I'm hoping that the deluge of new voters that Obama's campaign and the general state of the economy have brought to the Democratic Party will offset the NeoNeanderthals.

[Dukkha]

43. right there with you

my 93 yr old grandfather made some comment last year about a white woman in the news who was killed by her black husband and said "that's what she gets for marrying a black man." I wonder if he'll show up to my wedding this summer with my Korean fiance.