Public Service Announcement - People With Kids

[Indenturedebtor]

What are you doing here? Get off your ass and go teach your kids something.

Now who am I to say this? Just some asshole on the internet. Some asshole with no kids.

But having been a child of two very well educated parents who taught me virtually nothing, I'm pretty sure that many of you are doing the same thing. You're relying on school to teach your children. Sure they might get lucky. They might even go try to learn on their own in their free time. They might have older brothers and sisters who do spend time with them. But there is no substitute for learning from a parent.

When I graduated I had no tools but what I'd gleaned from bad sitcoms, and the bad examples of my slightly older friends. I had no idea how to get an apartment, how a mortgage works, how to balance a checkbook, how to tell when you're drinking too much, and so on. My parents would occassionaly regal me with some vague wise phrase about associating with the right people, and dressing for the job you want etc.

But you know what I thought about when I left town for greener pastures? The brief scene in Hamlet where Ophelia's Father tells his Son ("L" something or other) to "neither lend nor borrow, nor drink to excess, blah blah." What I know now about the world I learned by getting screwed over and over again, and making very wrong decisions until I learned the right ones. And I understand that that is part of the "growing up" process, and I probably wouldn't have internalized half of what they would of told me had they bothered. But dammit if it would have been nice for them to explained my rights as a citizen, or how to manage your money. It would have been nice if they'd let me sit in while they screamed at the telephone company for overcharging, or showed me how to fix a toilet or hang a painting.

I understand you're tired, and you work probably more than you should, and the bills are due, and there's laundry to be done, and dammit if you don't have to stay up till two in the morning trying to finish that project your boss dropped on you at 5:15pm. But please find some time to share what you've learned with your kids. They need you to help them probably more than any generation before them. The world is more complicated and more hostile every passing day.

I'm not angry at my parents for much besides how they voted. They are very good people who meant well. But they worked hard and figured that someone else would raise us. I can't think of a single skill that my parents taught me. Not one useful skill. And believe me when I tell you that this grows more prevalent with each generation. We as a nation work more and work harder for less than we did yesterday.

Many of you doubtless make every effort to honor those promises you made in your head those first few minutes after your first child was born. But I know that many of you are simply "too tired", or "too stressed". I would say to you that there is nearly always just a little bit more that can be given. If nothing else just make sure that they are there when you have to deal with an issue. Show them how an ethical and resourceful adult deals with an uncomfortable situation. Please make an effort to raise our future. I promise you that in a couple of years I will do the same! And I'm quite certain that I'll be coming on DU for your advice!

[jaksavage]

1. And vote democrat.

he he he

[Indenturedebtor]

2. HAHAHA ironically enough they did tell me one thing...

"Vote Republican."

I'm turning them though... slowly but surely! With the help of DU of course. I spam my father with little tidbits like the Pentagon-Pundits scandal etc ;)

[fed-up]

3. best thing my kid ever said to me last year (18YO) was "Mom, keep telling me those things"

in reference to all the usual things a mom says to her kid

you know-the
do unto others
clean your room
don't talk back
play nice etc

It was the most heart warming thing a parent could hear

this from a head-strong, curious, outgoing, now fine young man that I raised all by my lonesome


and yes, he has made his share of mistakes and has had to learn many a thing on his own, but at least I can take comfort in knowing that those are some of the mistakes he will never forget


and forgot a few
question authority
don't join the military
and always VOTE!

[Indenturedebtor]

4. Way to go Mom!

:hug:

Now go teach him how to balance his checkbook and help him cover his ass when he gets his first apartment "Take pictures of the carpets and walls" and all that :P So many parents forget to do that and their young adult spawn get COMPLETELY FUCKED.

[fed-up]

28. he's been on his own for a year-self-supporting-and plans now to take a 6 week trip

across the country with a friend with money he has saved while working full-time and going to school full-time

Really some of the most important things I taught him were

how to learn/research etc
ask for help when needed-that he can't be an expert at everything
slow and steady wins the race
never give up
that everything doesn't always turn out the way one expects
that life will have ups and downs and no matter how bad things look at times, they will get better eventually
and as long as he tries his best that is the most I could ask for

edited to add when the apartment manager did the six month walk through she said there apartment was the cleanest and that she wished all her tenants were like dear son and his two roommates

they did do the inital walk through with a check off sheet supplied by the manager and they got to note anything that was broken, chipped or otherwise in need of repair, no matter how minor which was signed by all tenants and the manager. They even fixed a few things that the kids had noted. We are in a college town and some of the other management companies are notorious for ripping off the tenants cleaning deposit....

[Breeze54]

15. Wow! I'm the opposite of that!

:P

When they said...

you know-the ... I said "No I don't! YOU tell me!"

do unto others and I said, "Don't ever put yourself in a position to have to HURT anyone!"

clean your room and I said, "OK, but when your friends come over? You explain!"

don't talk back and I said, "Keep it up! Someday you'll be a lawyer but a poor one!"

play nice etc and I said, "Be nice but don't take any crap off anyone!
Let them hit first and then beat the crap out of them and have witnesses!"

;)

[Indenturedebtor]

18. Lol whatever works!

I'm not AT ALL trying to pass myself off as a parenting Guru. Simply making an appeal that you parents remember that parenting doesn't stop when they turn 18. Those next few years are going to be a REAL bitch. Better to start before then and follow through for maximum effectiveness imho.

[Mind_your_head]

5. True.....but when they are tired of listening to you blah, blah, blah

all the time ~ they're tired of listening to you (and sometimes you don't always have it all 'right')....a lot of it you do actually (but the kids don't recognize that!)

Those 'shiny' parents (who have the big house, big carSSSS, who may very well be leased/mortgaged/in-debt up to their eyeballs ~ or maybe not~ look MUCH MUCH more attractive than my sorry ole' ass that don't have any debt except my mortgage. Those parents, now THOSE parents, really must have something to SAY about the 'magic of making money'....that's what the kidz want to know! They don't want to know how to sew, plant a garden, cook, how to change the oil in the car (you gotta do that? why?). They don't even understand the logic of how to adjust the thermostat/humidistat in the house! NONE of the other kidz know that stuff ~ it's very very 'uncool' (and they're being trained, beyond my parental control, to WANT to be as 'dumb' as eveybody else!).

I'm a frustrated parent - it's very very difficult to raise a child in this day & age.

My (frustrated) 2 cents.

[Indenturedebtor]

11. I bet it is :(

You might be shocked at how much of that actually sinks in though. It's like that guy that argues with you at work about something, and then two weeks later he's parroting back your exact words!

By the time they're ready to move out they'll be hungry as hell for your advice and if they're not send them my way so I can relate all the crap I wish my parents had taught me! If it weren't for the internet I would have ended up on the street years ago.

I dunno, again I have no kids. But you might be surprised if you sit them down and say "Look, these are all the things I wish my parents had told me. If you want to have as much fun as possible in your life you're going to have to manage your resources. These are some of the tools you'll need to enable yourself to have FUN. So shut up and listen!"

[fed-up]

29. I didn't really learn how to turn down the heater until I was paying the bill despite my mom

reminding me a zillion times.

and then I had a child and became my mother.......and payback is a bitch :)


some things don't sink into a kid's head until they are on their own
it is very hard to have to keep repeating oneself when it appears that the person you are talking to is deaf and without a memory and that is why his comment in post #3 set my mind at ease and made it all worth it


and I did repeatedly tell him that I may not have been right about a lot of things, but that I was trying my best


parenting is the hardest job there is, but the rewards are well worth it :)

[Alcibiades]

6. You had some bad parents

My mother taught me many life skills, in addition to fostering my intellectual curiosity. Now I'm teaching my three year old many things. But I stay at home with him in order to do so, and will do the same when the next one is born in September. My kid is with me pretty much all the time, which means he's learning how to do everything is do.

Personally, I blame television for turning our children into ignorant philistines. No more than an hour of TV a day for kids, and none for kids under two is a good rule.

[flygal]

7. Those were my parents too

and my husband and I are completely the opposite. It's almost annoying how much we've already taught our 6 year old. She WILL be prepared and able to make up her own mind and learn there are consequences.

My husband is one of those parents who explains everything to the kids - they're 3 and 6. My folks shooed us out of the kitchen, never taught us laundry, checkbooks, never asked about college plans or homework. We check our kid's homework every day. We learned - we're different, very different.

[Warpy]

10. I had the same ones

only mine managed to blame me when they'd assign me things to do they hadn't taught me how to do and I had to do them by guesswork with the obvious result. To this day I often feel like I've been thrown out onto a stage in the middle of a play and nobody's ever shown me the script.

Fortunately, books took over when the parents fell short and I've managed to learn the most remarkable skills from them. It just would have been easier had they bothered to teach instead of demand and then deride when I fell short of their adult skills.

I have a lot of friends who were brought up the same way. It seemed to be the way they did things back in the 1950s. My friends are all very different with their kids and the kids are glowing with self confidence because of it.

[Breeze54]

21. For what it's worth?

My parents and brothers and sisters didn't help me do jack shit!

They just would nod and say, "OK, are you done?" (annoying me yet?!)

And then I'd go to the science fair and feel like crap!

Once they got me a cow's heart at the butchers for my project.

That was a first.

:hug:

[alittlelark]

8. I have been teaching my 2 children

through modeling. They are exposed to people they admire.... 'what are you doing to be more like them'?

It's working brilliantly so far.

[Mind_your_head]

9. Even with the best of intentions and 'modeling' .....

how do you protect your children against the VERY REAL effects of advertising (and subsequent peer pressure?) - good luck!

Watch these in order. There's more, much more. I've quickly hobbled this together to give a little taste, but please search - online & offline, b/c Billions of dollars are spent on advertising every year. Think about that. And then watch these humble short clips.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZyQjr1YL0zg&feature=related

http://www.artistmike.com/Temp/SubliminalAd.html (agent mike's side job? :shrug:) Seriously though, this is a interesting site

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E9JtYaCrRag

[Breeze54]

12. Yes, Master!1! - I have total control over my kids at all times!1!!

I insisted they color BETWEEN the lines at all times!!!



I NEVER took 'NO' for an answer and they were ALWAYS beholding to me!!

I know.... I know I got it 'right'. They take orders real swell now... *sniff*



























:sarcasm:

[Indenturedebtor]

14. Oh come on

Teaching modern survival skills isn't the same as "Are you really going out in that? You look like a slut."

Part of the problem with our society is that for a while now people haven't been raised with the tools they need to protect themselves from our predatory government and our predatory companies.

[Breeze54]

16. I never told any of my sons they were sluts!

:P

[uppityperson]

13. You learned virtually nothing from your parents? Wow. You poor kid.

Did your parents teach you how to tie your shoes? How about how to brush your teeth? Those are useful skills.

I learned a lot from mine, and a lot on my own, and my kid has learned a lot from me, including how to confess you have made a mistake and make it right. And I have learned a lot from my child.

There is never enough time to do everything everyone wants you to do, so learning how to make compromises and how to triage is a good thing. Best of luck when or if you become a parent.

[Indenturedebtor]

17. Don't get uppity

Yes I learned where the poop goes too... I wasn't writing the original post as a judgement on either you or my parents. I've learned many of the skills I need to survive on my own. Doubtless I will learn more "after the fact".

Did you not read the whole post... specifically the part where I said that I understand the need for "triage" as you say?

Is it such a horrible thing to suggest that you try to teach your young adults how to be adults? This is so often overlooked. There's hundreds of books about how to teach a kid where to poop. There are virtually no books about how to teach an adolescent where to live.

[nadinbrzezinski]

22. My parents told me repeatedly YOU DO NOT buy things

unless you have the money and a credit card ain't free money

That is a lesson that did not fully sink in until I married...

Same goes for a healthy savings account

Sometimes what your parents taught you will not sink in until well after you leave the roost

Not that you may have considered this either

[nadinbrzezinski]

23. My parents told me repeatedly YOU DO NOT buy things

unless you have the money and a credit card ain't free money

That is a lesson that did not fully sink in until I married...

Same goes for a healthy savings account

Sometimes what your parents taught you will not sink in until well after you leave the roost

Not that you may have considered this either

[uppityperson]

26. nope, not bad to suggest that at all.

These statements, esp from a non-parent, are worded a bit condescendingly though:
"What are you doing here? Get off your ass and go teach your kids something. Now who am I to say this? Just some asshole on the internet. Some asshole with no kids.

But having been a child of two very well educated parents who taught me virtually nothing, I'm pretty sure that many of you are doing the same thing. You're relying on school to teach your children. Sure they might get lucky. They might even go try to learn on their own in their free time. They might have older brothers and sisters who do spend time with them. But there is no substitute for learning from a parent."

And sometimes children don't learn what their parents try to teach them until they mess up in the larger world and go "ohhhhh, that's what they meant". Speaking from experience.

No, showing them how to live in the world is a good thing. Involving them in your life as you go about doing things is a good thing. Having open communications so they can and may ask for advice is a good thing.

Our middle school (yes, it is a school) has a class that all the kids must take that involves them in doing daily things like cooking, cleaning, volunteering somewhere, all good things to do also and we parents are very glad they have a structured class to do this also as it helps compliment what we do at home. Finally, yes, I am uppity, thank you for noticing and good luck with kids when/if you hav them. It is a very interesting change, very interesting thing to encounter.

[lostnfound]

19. I wish I had more useful skills to teach him.

I have the wide-but-not-useful knowledge of a good American education. I found myself teaching my 6 year old about the "Purkinje shift" tonight when we walked by some violet colored flowers. How useful is that?? We teach him about basic economics often, like what is an investment or how people make money by buying and selling, or making stuff, or working for someone else..etc.

I wish I could teach him to knit, crochet, carpentry, woodcarving, metalworking, yoga. But I know how to do none of this with my hands. The narrow window of opportunity between work and obligations leaves little time to learn such skills..

[Indenturedebtor]

20. No doubt

I barely have time to teach my dog to piss in the right place lol.

Even beyond the hobbies I simply want to remind people to teach them the basic survival skills when it is time. Everyone who is able to provide a roof and food knows how to provide a roof and food. I think that there are millions of people out there who weren't taught how to defend themselves. I hope that I myself remember... it will likely be nearly 2 decades until it is time for me to heed my own advice!

[lostnfound]

25. It's an important reminder.

I'm glad you brought it up.
I've often wished there were centers with different kinds of classes taught for parents and kids who wanted to learn hobbies or skills together.

We go to a paint-it-yourself pottery place and it's quite fun to do such an activity together, but I wish there were chances to learn the whole process; or other handicrafts together.

It's the perfect bonding experience -- relaxing for the parent, a chance to talk things over while building skills for both and enjoying time together.

[knitter4democracy]

31. Our Art Center offers classes like that.

I do knitting and spinning classes for kids and adults, and I know some of the other teachers do in their areas as well. Do you have an Art Center or something like it in your area?

[knitter4democracy]

30. Knitting's easy to learn.

knittinghelp.com. Free videos you can replay all you want. Community ed often has classes, even for kids, and I know that I take kids as young as 8 in my beginning knitting and spinning classes at the Art Center. Actually, most of our classes take kids, though we have many geared specifically for kids, too. Yoga classes are often available, too.

I figure that one of the better skills I can teach my kids is to seek out people who know and ask them. Take classes, ask questions, look things up--those are life-long skills that will stay with them.

[sandnsea]

24. Maybe they're waiting for you to ask n/t

[electron_blue]

27. You sound really bitter. And I bet you'd really like to see

some of the projects my daughter and I are doing. Our latest one is collecting lilac leaves daily, measuring them and plotting up their growth curves.

Why do you assume all parents neglect their kids?