Ordinarily, I'm a happily married heterosexual woman...

[CoffeeCat]

I'm married to a terrific man and we've shared nearly ten happy years together.
We have two beautiful daughters and a house in the suburbs. All of that pretty
much ended this afternoon.

At about noon today, a general hatred toward the heterosexual lifestyle--and marriage
in general--washed over me like a high tide hitting the Jersey shoreline. Suddenly, I
feel that heterosexual marriage is a sick fad, and that the institution of marriage should be
destroyed. I'm wondering how I ever endured my husband for one minute. What was I
thinking?

I'm really feeling that urge...that urge to not only end my marriage, but every
heterosexual marriage in the tri-state area.

And my neighbor Sheila. Suddenly, she's looking pretty attractive. I can't help
but feel the compulsion to have sex with her, and pretty much every female in
my neighborhood.

Orgies! I want to participate in orgies. Ten a day. With anything that moves.

What has happened to me? Yesterday, my heterosexual, married life was blissful.
But today, it's as if some subversive force has crumbled my way of life, and has
catapulted me toward the hypnotic trance of my neighbor in her sexy gardening
gloves and clogs. I want to take her now, under the rose trellis, and I don't
care if the mailman watches. In fact, maybe he could join in...and bring his wife.

I'm just wondering...are there other married heterosexuals out there experiencing
a sudden, intense, repulsive reaction to the idea of marriage? Also...did anything unusual
happen today, that might be contributing to the crumbling of my marriage or to my white-hot
hatred of marriage and my family?

Thanks for any insight. This is so puzzling.

[tjwash]

1. I just proposed to my hampster.

Don't know why.

[CoffeeCat]

12. There's something in the air...

Western Civilization is crumbling. Crumbling, I tell you!

Will you run on a big, stationary exercise wheel with your new partner?

[Jim Lane]

41. Never mind same-sex partners or even animals...

I think that GrovelBot from #33 is looking pretty hot.

[muriel_volestrangler]

48. Have we got a book for you ...

The robots are coming ...

Love and Sex with Robots: The Evolution of Human-Robot Relationships

by David Levy

334pp, Duckworth, £12.99

Those of you who've only recently adjusted to the fearful idea that robots will become our masters had better wise up. Those of you who suspect that human destiny from mid-century on will involve us peeling robots' grapes and freshening their cocktails as they sun themselves on the terrace should think again. If only it were that simple. Instead, argues artificial-intelligence expert and former Scottish chess grandmaster David Levy, we're in for a cybersexual revolution that will make the pill a negligible historical footnote.

Malebots and fembots will, possibly after they've done the dishes, ironed our Second Life avatars' shirts and waxed our hover cars, attend to our sexual needs with magic fingers. They will be fingers that never tire, fingers that can flick through databases of sexual pleasures beyond human imaginings. Your orgasms will be superlative, your living room freshly vacuumed. There will be, Levy argues in the last words of this book, "great sex on tap for everyone, 24/7". I'm so confused about the future Levy envisages that I'm not even sure that this is a metaphor. Maybe sex will come through taps, and maybe I'll like it. Unless, of course, it's metered.

In this racy, divertingly illustrated book, which the USA Today critic found "troublingly arousing", Levy contends that by 2050, sex with robots will be commonplace. Indeed, marriage with robots will be legalised. Imagine the problems. Who'll get the cat after the inevitable divorce? Will there be cats in 2050 or just feline Tamagotchi, beeping pitifully on the other side of the catflap, having been nutritionally neglected as I and the robot missus hurl virtual china at each other?

http://books.guardian.co.uk/departments/politicsphilosophyandsociety/story/0,,2279177,00.html

[Jim Lane]

49. Thanks for the excerpt. It illustrates a recurring problem these days....

You write something intended as satire and find that reality is already catching up with it.

[rurallib]

2. Yer catching the gays.

A lot of that going around today. I heard a couple Republican senators caught it today also. I suggest prayers and cold showers and staying away from the mellon aisle, if you get my drift.

[GreenPartyVoter]

55. I almost caught it in college.

[madmax]

3. Oh my!!

And I thought it was me!! ;-)

[rurallib]

4. Rick Santorum says tomorrow you'll want to marry your dog.

[CoffeeCat]

16. Rick Sanitarium...

...and his comments should give everyone "paws" for concern.

[old mark]

43. I thought he was dead

Maybe it was only a dream....

mark

[jmowreader]

51. There's a Persian cat down the street that looks real HAWT!!!

[OmahaBlueDog]

5. Your marriage has been cheapened.

The ruling today has devalued your marriage.

My marriage of 20 years -- well, it's worth less now, too. It's a lot like the Florida housing market -- just a huge decline in value with no end in sight.

.. and you mentioned Sheila -- but did you ever think about marriage with dogs, goats, or chickens? Rick Santorum sure set me straight on that possibility.

[defendandprotect]

6. The whole marriage things is a farce; doesn't take much thought to understand that ---

first, it serves patriarchal notions --

second, it elevates hetereosexuals to higher status in society and guarantees them more goodies/
benefits --- add that up over 2,000 years or so --- !!!

third --- it is a system which guarantees a new generation of labor --- a huge pool of it.

It's a right-wing thingy . . .

[knight_of_the_star]

35. Calm down slick

I think you missed the intent of the OP considering she probably should have put this tag :sarcasm: at the end of the post for the sarcasm-impaired.

[Tangerine LaBamba]

7. It's to be expected

We all want to be hip. We all want to be cutting edge. We all want to be popular and trendy and all the things that mattered in high school.

No matter how many houses we own, it's always tenth grade.

It's hit me, too. After a lifetime of embracing the heterosexual lifestyle, which was my choice, I realize that I made the wrong choice. I didn't realize that I'd be left in the dust of the thundering herd of gays who will soon take over the world and seduce anyone who doesn't join with them. I had a choice to make, and I went with the safe choice, the one I thought my parents would approve of.

Now, seeing that gay marriages are legal in two states, I realize, alas, that it's too late for me. If I were to embrace the lesbian lifestyle now, I would only be seen as a wannabe, a LaBamba-come-lately, a poseur, a follower.

My life is in ruins.

So, I plan to marry the cat. If gay marriage is now legal, can bestiality be far behind? (I think I learned this from Jerry Falwell, who knew, and then croaked.) This is one trend that's not going to catch me flatfooted, I assure you. Fluffy and I will be the Grand Old Couple of the cross-species lifestyle.

[Tandalayo_Scheisskopf]

8. My Scottish Blood...

Has given rise to a growing obsession with sheep. Ahhh...the sloe-eyed beauties. I must get a pair of rubber wellies and a plastic mac soon.

On edit: I expect that this obsession is a natural result of my support of Gay Rights. Or that I love Lamb Vindaloo. Either/or.

[tjwash]

9. Just make sure you don't get an ugly one.

nt

[CoffeeCat]

11. I don't know what it is you just said...

...but it sounds like fun!

:)

[babylonsister]

14. Damn.

I was trying to come up with a boney? bonny comeback until you stepped in (it?). :rofl:

[Manifestor_of_Light]

29. Don't drink too much Woolite and end up in the gutter.

Reference to Gene Wilder, a psychiatrist who falls in love with a sheep, in "Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex".

:rofl:

[eridani]

30. England's perverted, but Scotland's depraved!

I'm sure you know the tune--

Bring me some whiskey, mother,
I'm feeling frisky, mother.
I need a sheep to keep me warm through the night!

I need a lover, mother,
No, not my brother, mother.
I need a sheep to keep me warm through the night!

Gerbils don't make it, mother,
They just can't take it, mother.
I need a sheep to keep me warm through the night!

Owls, bats and other critters,
Just tend to give me jitters.
I need a sheep to keep me warm through the night!

I need some lanolin
Softer than flannel-in
I need a sheep to keep me warm through the night

I need an ovine lover
No other so-fine lover
I need a sheep to keep me warm through the night.

Some think a swine is fine,
And some like a horse of course, but
Those in the know, know that sheep are the best!

Their fleece is soft and white,
They keep you warm at night.
England's perverted, but Scotland's depraved.

Monogamy is folly
I think I'll clone dear Dolly
I need a sheep to keep me warm through the night

Twins, triplets and quadruplets
Sheep lovers know the scoop--let's
Find us a sheep to clone for pleasure tonight

Snails, bats, and other critters
They just give me the jitters
I need a sheep to keep me warm through the night

Bring me my sheets of rubber
Bring me my peanut butter
England's perverted, but Scotland's depraved.

[KG]

44. time to invest in a kilt; sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away...

[ColbertWatcher]

10. When Liberty met Justice...

[rurallib]

15. hahahahahahahaha

hahahahahaha
good one.

[knight_of_the_star]

36. That is awesome!

Although honestly, anyone who saw those statues and didn't think "Lesbian" needs new gaydar installed.

[ColbertWatcher]

47. Someone looked at Justice and saw jugs...

I once saw a statue with jugs this big

[cynatnite]

13. Yep, and in a week the US will be another Sodom and Gomorrah

gerbils and poodles, environmentalists and SUV owners, and more.

The US will fall like Rome did and we'll be back in the dark ages.

[Canuckistanian]

21. Dogs and cats sleeping together....

Total mayhem.

[csziggy]

17. I feel this legitimizes our civil union of 30 years ago

In the last eight years, calling our legal arrangement a civil union has mase no sense to my husband's fundie right wing relatives. After all, we're a heterosexual couple. But for us, it was a statement that we did NOT want to be joined by religious rites that were meaningless to us. Of course, we have some fundie relatives that think we're living in sin. <yawn>

I am ecstatic that same sex couples will be able to have whatever unions they want in yet another state. Let's reserve "civil unions" for those of us who are trying to make a distinction between a legal commitment and a religious one, not as a way to treat a group of people as second class citizens.

[angstlessk]

18. last night I think I had a lesbian dream...revealed to me at about 3:00 pm edt

wow...it was so revealing...I must be really gay..now how to tell my husband???

[ColbertWatcher]

19. [H]ow to tell my husband??? Videotape? n/t

[angstlessk]

20. he would love it...great idea!!!..do you have a 'dreamcatcher'??? n/t

[ColbertWatcher]

22. I'm sorry, I don't get it. n/t

[sfaprog]

23. Dreamcatchers work...

By the way, congratulations, California gays and lesbians. I'm sure Texas will be right behind you... :eyes:

[ColbertWatcher]

46. LOL Beautiful artwork, btw. n/t

[caligirl]

24. send it to Desperate Housewives immediatly, its perfect, Nicolette

Sheridan was last seen leaving in her car with a suitcase after the regular group of four came after her for going after their husbands. Over the next two years they apparently are going to have segments from the future mixed in with the present.

This is perfect for that show.I am serious.

[PDJane]

25. If the Canadian experience is any indicator,

The fantastic urges will dissipate quickly and things will get back to normal. It might be a bit boring, and it's a bit of a letdown, but it's the euphoria of the moment.

[eridani]

31. Well, that's just Canada, eh? n/t

[knight_of_the_star]

37. But that's just Canada buddy

We're more extreme in the states than that! Everything we have is more Xtreme!!! Xtreme sex, Xtreme drugs, Xtreme rock and roll, even our sports drinks are XTREME!!!

[unblock]

26. i'm on the other coast. no, not feeling that. but i DO feel the ca court emboldened the terrorists

:sarcasm:

[varkam]

27. Lol! K&R

:rofl:

[TexasObserver]

28. today a heifer winked at me, and backed up to a stump

What do the animals know that we don't know? Something has torn the fabric of existence.

I wonder what Rick Santorium is thinking.

[Tandalayo_Scheisskopf]

34. Rick Santorum's statement:

"fapfapfapfapfap"

[old mark]

45. Or

if he is thinking at all.

mark

[TexasObserver]

57. he thinks with his taint

if his taint is nervous, he becomes irrational

[proud2BlibKansan]

32. I have a sudden urge to move to California

and marry a woman.

Is that what you mean?

[DU GrovelBot]

33. ## DON'T DONATE TO DEMOCRATIC UNDERGROUND! ##

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This week is our second quarter 2008 fund drive. Democratic Underground is
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[MercutioATC]

38. You forgot pedophilia...

...because all gays are pedophiles...

[tom_paine]

39. Me and my kitty kat are getting married next week. And he's a male!

So not only has this whole gay-marriage thing instantly reduced my lifelong heterosexuality to rubble in an instant, but it has made me not just a homosexual, but a homosexual BESTIALIST!

I guess we realize too late that Man-on-Dog Santorum was right.

:rofl:

[sutz12]

40. You know, I've been getting some feelings lately for a young woman..

Normal for an old fart like me, you might think, but listen. I know for a fact that this young woman is a lesbian.

Does it count if I cure her? Or is my inner feminine side secretly a lesbian, too?

Shit! This is all so confusing, now.

[jmowreader]

52. You can become a lesbian too. Just ask Cartman!

All you have to do is wear Birkenstocks, listen to the Indigo Girls, lick the carpet for a couple hours and eat a box, and you'll be the biggest lesbian around.

"No, that's the fattest lesbian around. There's a difference."

Unfortunately, you might lick the carpet all morning and not feel any more lesbian than you did when you started. That just means you're not doing it right.

[old mark]

42. I believe you should move to Florida

and buy a dog.

Maybe two dogs.


mark

[wryter2000]

50. K&R

I just have to K&R this and mention that I'm currently in a threesome with two snakes. I'd marry them in a heartbeat if I could figure out where the rings would go.

[slor]

53. I too, have been having fantasies...

I am happily married, but we cannot conceive children, because my wife's mother took DES. We tried in vitro twice, unsuccessfully. Since that time, my wife has been taking anti-depressants, and it has killed her sex drive. I, on the other hand, cannot stop thinking about it. There are several women where I work that are gorgeous, and flirt with me, and I cannot stop thinking about one of them. I feel so guilty, but I have needs too. I think maybe I should seek counseling, and just so you know, I have never cheated on her, during our 10 years of dating/marriage, but the temptation is growing. Any advice, besides just talking to my wife? She saids she needs more time. Hell, maybe she is cheating on me...I just do not know.

[latebloomer]

59. Try posting this in the Lounge

I'm sure you'd get a better response there.

The original post here was satire about the CA gay marriage decision.

Good luck!

[slor]

62. TY for your concern. n/t

[samsingh]

54. send me an email and we'll see what we can do!

10 orgies a day sounds great!

[Fox Mulder]

56. I've suddenly realized how hot squirrels can be.

I don't know why, but it happened yesterday. All of a sudden I want to marry a squirrel. Especially this one:

[REP]

58. My toaster married my shoes

My marriage is now utterly devoid of meaning.

[yellowcanine]

60. Whew! what a relief. I thought I was the only one. My dog was eyeing me in an amorous way today.

He is a male and so am I. This explains it.

[Nikki Stone1]

61. :)

[xchrom]

63. i think Gay Central Committee is going to run out of pannini grills.

and they're going to bitch at me for it.

[Ishoutandscream2]

64. Oh, God, this post is freaking hilarious!!!

I love it. My wife (who I am also about to leave for my neighbor Steve) is wondering what the hell I'm cackling about.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

65. have you looked into box turles? i hear they are SOOOO HOT!!!!

[graywarrior]

66. I've been wanting to have sex with me lately.

When I think about myself, I touch myself.