***DUzy Awards for week ending May 9, 2008***

JeffR

(1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore

Fri May-16-08 06:15 PM
Original message

Welcome to the melt in your mouth, not in your hand DUzy Awards, a compendium of star-spangled amusement from this week on DU. Congratulations to this week's winners!

The DUzy Awards will be announced every Friday, if I get around to it. Previous awards can be found in my journal.
Note to Mods: Skinner has authorized the DUzy Awards to be posted in GD.

Special thanks to JoeIsOneOfUs, FlyingSquirrel, dicksteele, calimary, WilliamPitt, AZDemDist6, KitchenWitch, krispos42, dicksteele, Breeze54, CaliforniaPeggy, eridani, DS1, corkhead, lynnertic, scarletwoman, Yael, watrwefitinfor, tavalon, chimpsrsmarter, sfexpat2000, mythyc, rosesaylavee, SeattleGirl, Kurovski, AZDemDist6, GoPsUx, cliffordu, babylonsister, gateley, KamaAina and NanceGreggs for their invaluable assistance with this edition.

DUzy Awards for week ending May 16 will be announced, I hope, tomorrow.

This should have appeared, uh, sometime back.

On a thread by sinkingfeeling:

      Poll: Bush most unpopular in modern history
"A CNN/Opinion Research Corporation survey released Thursday indicates that 71 percent of the American public disapprove of how Bush his handling his job as president.

'No president has ever had a higher disapproval rating in any CNN or Gallup poll; in fact, this is the first time that any president's disapproval rating has cracked the 70 percent mark,' said CNN Polling Director Keating Holland..."

response #3 by Demeter:

      They Had To Take a Poll To Find This Out?
sad

response #6 by Xipe Totec:

      Nobody wanted to touch the subject
they had to use a 10 foot poll.

response #9 by Lobster Martini:

      Let's start a list of things less popular than GWB...I'll begin...
Things less popular than George W. Bush:

This is harder than I expected.

Well, there's nuclear waste, lead-based paint, a blown head gasket...oh, heck, I'd have preferred any of those...

response #11 by UncleTomsEvilBrother:

      Umm....
....root canals. Then again, I'd rather get one of those than 8 more years of this crap. 1/20/09 yet?

response #14 by nichomachus:

      Not root canals
unpleasant, but you feel better when it's over.

I was going to say: Slamming your balls in a dresser drawer.

response #16 by maxsolomon:

      i still want to have a beer with him
if that's what it takes to tell him that he's a sociopathic narcissist who's made these last 8 years the most embarassing & shameful of america's history.

and i'm counting the buffalo slaughter & genocide of native americans.

response #41 by minnesota_liberal:

      Let's try for 75%
He's got 9 months left.

LBN, May 1, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x3292557

260+ responses here. If you so much as opened the thread, dear DUer, you win a DUzy.

OP by Tesha:

Folks, we have a new "OFFICAL" Moran!!!

GD, May 2, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3237384

On a thread by FLDem5:

      *** Official Guam Results Thread ***

response #21 by anAustralianobserver:

      Guam result: a bellwether, critical or all-important?
"As Guam goes, so goes the Galaxy."
- anonymous Guamanian

"Look at his googly eyes!"
- Steve Irwin holding a Guamanian brown tree snake

response #25 by VolcanoJen:

      OGUAMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:bounce: :bounce: :bounce:

response #26 by beat tk:

      The island-wide science fair is just wrapping up in 15 minutes, I'm sure we'll see a groundswell of
caucusing then.

response #25 by Kristi1696:

      Any early exit polls yet?
;)

response #29 by beat tk:

      The kid with the volcano looks likely to get first place in the science fair.

GDP, May 2, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5790788

OP by NanceGreggs:

"The War Room" Video-Clip - The Last Word
It should be obvious to everyone how this all started, and where it all led.

Video shows up on YouTube: excerpt from "The War Room” showing a scene where Kantor speaks about Indiana voters.

Hill camp: “Doctored!”
Obama camp: “Truth!”
Sane DUer: “Why are we arguing about Doctor Ruth?”

Obama camp: “Listen up – link here. He said, ‘white n*gg*rs’.”
Hill camp: “He said, ‘night-riggers’, referring to election fraud – like Diebold.”
Obama camp: “No, he said, ‘Wright sold’, as in Wright sold Obama out. When are you people going to stop slamming Reverend Wright?”
Hill camp: “Oh, there you go again – always claiming you’re right! Clear as a bell – he said, ‘Right, this is so old,' referring to smear tactics coming from Obamites.”
Obama camp: “Are you sh*tting me? He said, ‘Obama bites’. And don’t tell me to go to hell!”

Obama camp: “After all the things you guys have said about Wright, now you know what it’s like for the shoe to be on the other foot.”
Hill camp: “You guys are a bunch of hypocrites! You see that now, don’t you?”
Obama camp: “Who are you calling a hippo? And BTW, your gal isn’t fit to shine Obama’s shoes!”
Sane DUer: “Shoes? Why are we arguing about Condoleeza Rice?”

Obama camp: “So now the Hillary crowd are screaming because this clip has outed them as Indiana-haters!”
Hill camp: “Why are you talking about being outed? Is this yet another post suggesting she’s a lesbian? Give it a rest! And FYI, Hillary never said she hated Indians!”
Obama camp: “Oh, yeah, we know she never said she hated Indians – in fact, she wants to give them all of our high-tech computer jobs.”
Sane DUer: “Why are we arguing about Steve Jobs?”

Obama camp: “So now Hill’s supporters are complaining, when it’s their turn to defend against smear tactics – that’s rich!”
Hill camp: “Did you just call Hillary a bitch?
Obama camp: “No, I didn’t! But frankly, I don’t give a flying f*ck that you think I did!”
Sane DUer: “Why are we arguing about Frank Rich? I thought we were talking about Steve Jobs.”

Hill camp: “You people will say anything to make Hillary look bad! Even to the point of insinuating that she’s a bitch!”
Obama camp: “Hey, if the shoe fits...”
Sane DUer: “Are we back to arguing about Condi again?”

Obama camp: “That video clip speaks volumes about where the Hillary campaign’s head is at!”
Hillary camp: “What video?
Obama camp: “The clip from ’The War Room’.”
Hill camp: “The 'War Room’? That sounds like an old John Wayne flick – what the f*ck does that have to do with anything?”
Obama camp: “I don’t remember. But I think Richard Widmark is in it, too.”
Hill camp: “I don't remember either.”
Obama camp: “Well, whatever – fuck you!”
Hill camp: “No, fuck you – a thousand times, with a cherry on top!”
Obama camp: “With a cherry on top?
Hill camp: “Yeah, absolutely – PM me!”
Obama camp: “Done.”
Hill camp: “What were we arguing about?”
Obama camp: “I don’t remember.”
Hill camp: “Me neither. Want to get together and watch a flick, and then – well, we’ll see what happens.”
Obama camp: “Sounds good. Whadda ya say we rent ’The War Room’?”
Hill camp: “Okay. We can discuss what Kantor actually said. Because that YouTube clip was doctored!”
Obama camp: “It was the truth!”
Sane DUer: “Okay, I get it. We’re back to arguing about Doctor Ruth. Thanks for all the info!”

GDP, May 2, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5791494

OP by EmperorHasNoClothes:

I saved 30 cents a day on gas!
Which was great, until I ran over that giant pothole that had never been fixed because my 30 cent tax cut came out of the fund for repairing the highways. Oh well, it was a couple hundred bucks to repair the suspension on my car, but it was probably going to go out anyway.

Of course, the day after I got my car fixed, the bridge I was driving on collapsed, destroying my car and putting me in the hospital in traction for the rest of the summer.

But hey, at least I got my tax cut! Well, I did for a little while, until the oil companies realized they could just charge more for gas to make up for the tax cut.

But it was nice for a little while!

GDP, May 3, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5794000

OP by SoFlaJet:

      I Just Sold All 6 Of My Guitars AND A Mandolin
on E-Bay and guess who I'm sending the $2275 to? That's right Barack Obama and you know what else? IT FEELS GOOD!!!!

response #6 by chimpsrsmarter:

      i sold my comb and wax paper on ebay and donated the money to my local liquor store.
and they gave me some mad dog 20/20. Pretty sweet.

response #12 by SoFlaJet:

      damn
we could have been a kick ass duo hangin' in front of the liquor store chimp-one of us could have even pretended to be blind...we would have cleaned up man...BTW you know anybody who owns a monkey with a cup and a little hat we can borrow?

response #15 by chimpsrsmarter:

      no but i do know someone who owns a warsh board playing yak, you want i should
make the call?

response #17 by SoFlaJet:

      even better
hang on to that comb and wax paper-we split the dough two ways-we'll pay the yak in 10 lb bags of hay-out of YOUR end though...deal?

response #19 by chimpsrsmarter:

      sounds fair to me. Wait, what?

response #16 by Lastlaughin08:

      Laura Bush has a monkey she might part with, but he pees in the cup

GDP, May 3, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5796793

On a thread by scheming daemons:

Hillary Supporters... Defend the Gas Tax "Holiday" Here......

response #9 by rgbecker:

Hillary's and McSame's Plan will swing Truck and Taxi Drivers to their side!
Must be hundred's of them, all across the nation.

Say they actually save the entire $.18/gallon and everything else stays the same:

The trucker who drives 600 miles in his 10 mpg truck uses 60 gallons/day saves $10.80.

Bingo! Another voter for Clinton. See, it works just like all the Sunni's fighting for Bush in Iraq, now that we're paying them $10.00 a day. It's the wonder of the free enterprise system. Says so right in the Bible.

GDP, May 3, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5793209

On a thread by cynatnite:

      Computer keyboards can be dirtier than a toilet
"A study by British consumer magazine 'Which? Computing' asked a microbiologist to examine 33 keyboards in a typical London office, a toilet seat and a toilet door handle, for bugs generally found in unhygienic places.

Four keyboards were judged potential health hazards and the microbiologist recommended the removal of one keyboard as it had 150 times the pass limit of bacteria -- five times filthier than the swabbed toilet seat..."

response #4 by IDemo:

      It probably doesn't help with repeated nasal spewings of coffee, Pepsi and milk
The internets are hazardous to keyboards! :spray:

response #6 by EmperorHasNoClothes:

      If we could just figure out how to plug our toilets into our computers, we'd all be a lot safer.

response #7 by poebango:

      I guess this means I should stop typing with my tongue
:9

response #13 by watrwefitinfor:

      Or any other appendages. nt

response #15 by poebango:

      Exactly
They don't call the thing a "laptop" for nothing, you know.

response #8 by IanDB1:

      You're also more likely to get pregnant from a keyboard than a toilet seat. n/t

response #9 by rucky:

      I didn't know so many other people...
knew how to type with their ass?

response #17 by kineneb:

      just think of it as building up immunity by exposure
Use your computer, work on your immune system! Beats hanging out with snotty-nosed small children...

GD, May 3, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3239243

On a thread by rainbow4321:

      HRC: "Bill and I, between us, had 50 years of education but we could not get the coconut open."
"Forget about policy speeches and wooing superdelegates. For Hillary Rodham Clinton, Saturday morning was devoted to chick chat _ a panel discussion with a group of working moms on topics ranging from girl-on-girl violence to her daughter's early dating years.

'Chelsea was a teenager in White House, which meant that the Secret Service went on her dates,' the Democratic presidential contender said on a panel hosted by the Web site momlogic.com. 'A lot of her girlfriends' mothers loved it when they double dated because there was a guy with a gun in the front seat.'

<snip>

One family night involved a coconut, Clinton said. 'Chelsea said she had heard about coconuts, but had never seen one. So we went to a store and bought a coconut and took it home,' Clinton recalled. 'Bill and I, between us, had 50 years of education but we could not get the coconut open. We were throwing it on the driveway, we were beating it with a hammer. We were so embarrassed...'"

response #3 by cottonseed:

      They treated that coconut like Democratic primary voters.
"We were throwing it on the driveway, we were beating it with a hammer."

response #18 by rainbow4321:

      Guess she was practicing her throwing arm
for the future: first coconuts, then bookbags, kitchen sinks, the china...

response #26 by WillyT:

      Yeah... I Wonder If There Was A Bus In Their Driveway Too ???
:evilgrin:

GDP, May 3, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5799329

OP by ashling:

We are stuck in a never ending episode of Twilight Zone
This is the one where the Democratic Primary is actually on a tape loop and just plays over and over and over over and over and over and over and over over and over and over and over and over over and over and over and over and over over and over and over and over and over over and over and over and over and over over and over and over and over and over over and over and over and over and over over and over and over and over and over over and over and over and over and over over and over and over and over and over over and over and over and over and over over and over and over and over and over over and over and over and over and over over and over and over and over and over over and over and over and over and over over and over and over and over and over over and over and over and over and over over and over and over and over and over over and over and over and over and over over and over and over . . . . . . and then we die

And see below for a Soecial Visual Achievement award from this thread.

The Lounge, May 3, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7706504

OP by Writer:

BREAKING: Scientists Engineer Clinton/Obama Love Child
WASHINGTON, DC (Associated Press) - Scientists associated with the DNC constructed what they herald as the "new dawn of Democratic strategery" - a genetically engineered human hybrid they believe will guarantee a victory in the presidential race.

The person, named Barillary Clobama, will immediately assume the Democratic candidacy after Sen. Hillary Clinton (D-New York) and Sen. Barack Obama (D-Illinois) announce their withdrawals from the 2008 campaign.

Clobama, who sports a tie and pants suit, contains the best features of both candidates, according to scientists at the Project for a New Clobamic Century.

"Clobama's the best of both worlds," Dr. Mahar Gadzutiteakamaran of PNCC said. "Not only can Clobama speak effortlessly about policy, but he... shim contains charisma and positive appeal."

Clobama already has spoken before a few crowds in Indiana preceding the Indiana primary. Democratic onlookers watched in awe at their new candidate. Many were speechless.

"Shim's an amazing... person," said Edna Fowler of Terre Haute, adorning a "Vote for the Shim: Clobama 2008" button on her chest. "Clobama's grasp of what matters to us here is what really reached me. Other than the few facial ticks, I think shim's got a chance. I'm proud to support shim!"

Clobama's wincing and facial ticks occur when shim says the words "change" and "fighter." "We don't know what's causing it, but we're still working on it," Dr. Gadzutiteakamaran said.

DNC Chairman Howard Dean looked relieved when praising their solution to the 2008 Democratic primary. "I think we're looking at the nation's next president," he said. "Never again will a heated primary keep us down."

Efforts to reach Clobama for comment were refused by Clobama staffers, citing "technical glitches."

Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama are expected to resign on Monday.

- 30 -

And see below for a Special Visual Achievement award from this thread.

GDP, May 4, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5805802

On a thread by 2rth2pwr:

Well, first of all, you know, I have never challenged other people's patriotism.
That was Obama today on Meet The Press, this is the same candidate in October of just last year...

"You know, the truth is that right after 9/11, I had a pin," Obama said. "Shortly after 9/11, particularly because as we're talking about the Iraq War, that became a substitute for I think true patriotism, which is speaking out on issues that are of importance to our national security, I decided I won't wear that pin on my chest..."

response #16 by JVS:

And he's right. Putting a flag on your lapel doesn't make you any more of a patriot than shoving...
feathers in your ass would make you a chicken.

GDP, May 4, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5810571

OP by Botany:

      Do people who post on D.U. have "problems?"
Because in my case it would be true .... A.D.D. & Passive agressive.

:crazy:

Just wondering? :rofl:

response #19 by BerryBush:

      I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm not a neurotic.
Oh no, I shouldn't have said that much...everyone's going to think I'm a jerk...I'm so embarassed...you know, every time I post here I just mess things up. I shouldn't even post. Forget it. I'll just remove this.

response #12 by MercutioATC:

      The U.S. Government has certified me sane.
...yeah, you have to consider the competence of the government...

response #13 by The Straight Story:

      We all have problems
Nothing some beer won't solve though! ;)

response #14 by blondeatlast:

      Is being filthy rich (as in I own my home) a problem here? (reference to a bizarre GD locked thread)
Regardless, I don't want to associate with anyone here who has no problems!

response #22 by SalmonChantedEvening:

      It's the people that think they have no problems
That you hafta worry about.

My laundry list is at the cleaners. They get hazard pay. :evilgrin:

response #24 by Downtown Hound:

      I don't have problems
My therapist tells me I'm just fine.

GD, May 4, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3243696

OP by mycritters2:

      Good God! My house is a mess! Someone should do something! nt

response #1 by KitchenWitch:

      And when they are done with yours, they can come over here and do mine!
:P

response #2 by mycritters2:

      Be forewarned...mine will take several weeks! nt

response #3 by KitchenWitch:

      I can wait!
:crazy:

response #4 by struggle4progress:

      You'd think DU would offer house-keeping services to donors

response #5 by KitchenWitch:

      Yeah, especially since the time I should be cleaning house, I am usually DUing.
;)

response #12 by struggle4progress:

      Well, the mouse won't click itself, you know

response #7 by mycritters2:

      Exactly! I can't be doing two things at once...
it's either cleaning or DUing! These are the choices life poses for us.

response #22 by orleans:

      "DUing"
nice phrase.

i was thinking of writing a screenplay

calling it DemocraticUnderground

it would be about a bunch of people who sit at their computers, typing

then i thought: nah...

then i thought: well, maybe if it intertwined people like in "love actually" or did character studies like "the great new wonderful"

then i thought: i need to take care of some paperwork, and then i really need to clean off the table, counter tops, and dust.

then i thought: nah....

then i thought: okay, i'll do some paperwork.

then i thought: time for a DU break!

and here i am!

}(

response #19 by ashling:

      I leave my door unlocked hoping that
someone will break in and clean the place up.

Other dirty responses in the thread.

The Lounge, May 5, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7709271

On a thread by deminks:

       McCain says "League of Nations" needs to deal with Iran

response #1 by file83:

      McCain's next sentence:
"Oh, wait, there is no League of Nations. I guess that means that the United States of America will have to take care of Iran. Draft!"

response #4 by Ichingcarpenter:

      He meant the Continental Congress
not the USA

response #33 by lulu in NC:

      And he meant Persia, not Iran. nt

response #11 by smokey nj:

      He's so gonna kick Woodrow Wilson's ass in November.

response #12 by The Gunslinger:

      And he is hoping to arrange a free trade agreement with Constantanople.

response #69 by nichomachus:

      McCain to generals: "First you fly over Gaul and
drop your bombs directly south of the Holy Roman Empire."

response #76 by mikeytherat:

      I say we head to Mesopotamia and free Baghdad from the clutches of
the evil Ottoman empire! What could go wrong?

response #79 by WakeMeUp:

      Then he hopped into his Studebaker and drove away.....
:D

GD, May 5, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3249238

On a thread by KitchenWitch:

Anyone know why we are still on Level 1?

response #1 by flvegan:

Hillary and Obama both ate breakfast this morning.
GD: P got emotional over it.

The Lounge, May 5, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7710701

On a thread by Indenturedebtor:

      Warning - Science Content - Why Some People Are *****
There have been many studies linking the amount and health of your mirror neurons to your ability to empathize. Having a deficiency in mirror neurons is highly correlated with anti-social behaviours...

response #1 by Hissyspit:

      Shouldn't this be in GD-P?

response #3 by lapfog_1:

      Well, THAT explains George W. Bush...
No empathy...

Because empathy requires "mirror neurons"... and for him to have "mirror neurons" he would first have to have neurons.

GD, May 5, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3247091

On a thread by DS1:

      Asshole Rich Kid with "intermittent explosive disorder" sent to prison. Reaction shots are priceless
"The scion of a prominent Bay State family was jailed last week for a vicious attack on a Cambridge woman after a judge rejected efforts by his well-heeled kin to keep the man free due to a condition his lawyer dubbed 'intermittent explosive disorder.'

Christopher Gardner Beaman, 24, a descendant of Henry Cabot Lodge, was sentenced to a year in jail after his petite former girlfriend told a rapt courtroom about the unprovoked attack that lacerated her liver and temporarily put her in a wheelchair.

snip

Flynn said Beaman broke a girl’s arm on a bus in the eighth grade, attacked a therapist in Colorado and has a history of assaulting his younger brothers. His criminal record in Colorado includes three pages of arrests for assault, larceny, forgery, theft, marijuana possession, probation violations and contempt of court, according to Colorado Bureau of Investigation records..."

response #7 by Wickerman:

      Off probation in 2011
Will be the GOP nominee in 2016

response #12 by burythehatchet:

      THIS IS REAL. I get the same thing when I've eaten a bran muffin with coffee
and then had a cigarette.

response #22 by ProudToBeBlueInRhody:

      Maybe Bush will give him a pardon......
...."I see a lot of me in him.....give the kid a break."

response #226 by TexasObserver:

      You can bet on it. They're probably doing the paperwork now.
I think that's now called a "Scooter Form 101" and available to all Republicans with a good name.

response #92 by Dulcinea:

      "Intermittent explosive disorder?"
Is that the fancy-pants term for "Spoiled brat who has never had to learn to control his temper because his family got off a boat before everyone else's did?" What a bunch of crap.

But, seriously, this young man needs a thorough mental examination. And so does the rest of his family for not accepting that there is something really wrong with him.

response #109 by aint_no_life_nowhere:

      "Intermittent Explosive Disorder" - sounds like a certain President I know of
Only his explosions are on the scale of assaulting countries, not just individuals. At a war crimes trial, I wouldn't be surprised if his lawyers raised the same defense.

response #32 by zbdent:

      It was the twinkies!!! Wait, it was Bill Clinton's fault!!!
Yeah ... that's the ticket ...

response #49 by Starbucks Anarchist:

      He should be beaten with something expensive.
Maybe a gold-plated beam.

The OP wins a Special Visual Achievment award for the captions.

GD, May 5, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3246896

OP by rpannier:

      I am planning a vacation to Iraq
Since this is fairly close to the anniversary of scrub's: Mission Accomplished. I've decided to take a vacation to Iraq.

Anyone know where the statue of George Bush is. I want to get a picture of the wife and kids underneath it.
And I want to leisurely stroll down George Bush Blvd in Central Iraq and meet the many children named George (after our illustrious Prez'nit)
Then maybe take a walk over to the George Bush Plaza and see the Building(s) constructed to honor him. (I mean, as safe as it is over there I'm sure I can do this at any hour of the day or night)

I'm sure they're there. That's what Kristol and others told us would happen.

Anyone know exactly where they are?

response #1 by CaliforniaPeggy:

      Maybe you'll want to take out a new insurance policy?
Life insurance, for instance?

:rofl: :rofl:

response #2 by rpannier:

      Life insurance...Wow!
The experience is that exhilarating that it can cause a heart attack?

response #3 by TahitiNut:

      Check out the Condoleeza Rice School for Girls while you're there.
I hear the Donald Rumsfeld Peace Park is a great place for a picnic, especially close to the Richard Cheney Pavilion for the Performing Farts.

:silly:

response #4 by Selatius:

      I'm sure you'll have one hell of a blast over there.
:rofl:

response #7 by Skittles:

      don't forget to buy some rugs n/t

GD, May 6, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3249765

OP by Buzz Clik:

      Early polling results from Indiana. One precinct, one third grade class.
Obama 16
Clinton 3

response #2 by CreekDog:

      for the life of me, why do parents let their kids drink lattes?
and i also think that little kids don't see the importance of the gas tax issue being that they use foot power so much. :eyes:

response #4 by Cant trust em:

      Obama continues to shore up the youth vote. NT

response #11 by rucky:

      What a bunch of elitists.
I bet they pack lattes with their PBJ's for lunch, too.

response #14 by FlyingSquirrel:

      But how did the "working class" vote?
How many in the class were just slackers? How many had shirts with blue collars and how many with white collars? How much of the female vote did he take? Were there only 3 girls in the class? How about the black vote? The senior vote (did this include the teacher)? How many had heard of Wright's comments and Snipergate? Was this done by paper ballot or machine???

zOMG Enquiring minds want to know!

GDP, May 6, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5844893

On a thread by marmar:

Dan Froomkin: Laura Bush's Disastrous Diplomacy
"...when First Lady Laura Bush made her first-ever visit to the White House briefing room yesterday, to talk about what's going on in that country, it was not to deliver a message of goodwill.

Rather than announce the launch of a massive relief effort that could take advantage of a rare diplomatic opening, the first lady instead tossed insults at Burma's leaders, blamed them for the high death toll, and lashed out at their decision to move forward with a constitutional referendum scheduled for this Saturday.

The traditionally issue-averse first lady's concerns about the Burmese junta and its abuses of human rights date back several years, and she's been particularly outspoken since last fall.

But why respond to a catastrophe with such hostility? The awkward timing, as it turns out, may have had something to do with an event entirely unrelated to the cyclone.

'I'm going to leave tomorrow for Crawford, for Jenna's wedding, and I wanted to be able to make a statement about Burma before I left,' the first lady told reporters..."

response #3 by onethatcares:

the drunk first lady,
there she goes,

back to crawford,

but steps on toes.

Burma (shave)

GD, May 6, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3252982

On a thread by Bozita:

      NOT a joke: "Fla. Teacher Accused Of Wizardry - Man Made Toothpick Vanish In Class"
"A substitute teacher in Pasco County has lost his job after being accused of wizardry.

Teacher Jim Piculas does a magic trick where a toothpick disappears and then reappears.

Piculas recently did the 30-second trick in front of a classroom at Rushe Middle School in Land 'O Lakes.

Piculas said he then got a call from the supervisor of teachers, saying he'd been accused of wizardry..."

response #45 by spinbaby:

      That's south of the Bible Belt
Kind of in the crotch area.

response #57 by lazyriver:

      I'd say south of the belt and around the bend from the crotch
area. These people are assholes, plain and simple.

response #7 by gatorboy:

      What are you gonna do? It's Florida!

response #95 by nathan hale:

      What an idiotic thing to say.
See? That's like me saying you're probably a drug smuggler just because of the Mena thing with Barry Seals some years back.

response #119 by gatorboy:

      That was years ago. Florida is bat shit crazy on a daily basis.
;)

response #120 by nathan hale:

      Aha!! So! You admit it!
You ARE from Arkansas! I knew it.

And my spider sense tells me you are...an...AQUARIUS..Wait...no...uh...

response #121 by gatorboy:

      Sagittarius...But I DO marry my cousins on occasion.

response #11 by wtmusic:

      So did they dunk the bastard? nt

response #22 by jmowreader:

      No, but they found out if he weighed as much as a duck
If he would have, they'd have burned him at the stake but since he was heavier, they just fired him.

Explain that to the kid who's still a newt, though.

response #13 by BattyDem:

      This is a joke .... right?
This can't actually happen in the 21st century in the USA ... right? I mean ... come on! Wizardry? The man is accused of wizardry?!?!? :rofl:

Note to David Copperfield: Stay out of Florida. They'll burn you at the stake! :scared:

response #167 by tavalon:

      Relax. It didn't happen in the USA,
it happened in Florida. ;)

response #25 by ck4829:

      Florida - Our doorway back to the 12th Century.

response #126 by awoke_in_2003:

      I am an atheist
but there is one part of me that wishes a rapture would occur. The average IQ of the country would double.

response #167 by tavalon:

      Relax. It didn't happen in the USA,
it happened in Florida. ;)

response #32 by Orrex:

      They'll be sorry when he summons our vile lord and master Beelzebub to settle the score
Then the thaumaturgical shit will really hit the fan.

response #34 by DAGDA56:

      Florida is no different than any other state...just...stay off the back roads...
...really...I mean it...

response #56 by Peace Patriot:

      Oh, good, they caught him before he started making school administrators disappear,
and their over-the-top salaries and their George-Bush-designed standardized tests! Score one for the destroyers of education and creators of robots for the corporate slave labor market! And, really, if you can make a toothpick disappear, what the frack use will you be at invading Cuba? Magicians don't make good cannon fodder!

response #71 by spanone:

      Breaking: david blaine seen leaving country.

response #150 by tomg:

      And if he doesn't confess
they can always waterboard him. This country is turning into a Medieval Theme Park.

GD, May 6, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3250478

On a thread by BigBearJohn:

      Have you ever been left high and dry by a performance that everybody else loved?
... Americans are so HUNGRY for a savior, ANY morsel of hope in these
battered times, that they grab the nearest reasonable
facsimile thereof and start flinging roses at his feet.

I don't know how else to put it other than: Barack Obama does not have the
GRAVITAS to be President of the United States...

response #95 by scarletwoman:

      Only in a one-on-one situation. Whether those who came before, or those who came after
had a different experience I do not know.

response #127 by Occam Bandage:

      Dear Mr. Gravitas: Changing the font and color of your post makes you look like
an AOLer from 1996.

GDP, May 6, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5835030

OP by EarlG:

      OMG is anyone watching "The Sinkhole" on MSNBC?!?!
So thrilling. What will fall into the sinkhole next? Will the sinkhole eventually swallow the entire planet? Tune in after the break for more SINKHOLE.

response #1 by LSparkle:

      Thanks for heads up! I was over on the RevWrightNews Channel ...

unnumbered response by Robb:

      Matthews is on? /nt

response #3 by wtmusic:

      Not enough coverage I want a sinkhole freaking CHANNEL
24/7 baby. Never too much sinkhole for me.

response #46 by Johnny Noshoes:

      Even better
Sinkhole HD. :)

response #5 by Opposite Reaction:

      How will the sinkhole affect the Obama campaign?

response #40 by TommyO:

      Did Obama renounce and repudiate the sinkhole?
Did it swallow a flag lapel pin factory?

response #6 by DJ13:

      Let it sink!
errr, sorry.

Wrong post.

:evilgrin:

response #7 by truedelphi:

      Can you explain? Is the sinkhole a mental event?
Like if you have been on the infernal Internett for days, with only pickles and pork rinds as nourishment, and then your computer chair (with you in it) sinks into what is left in the carpet, while your unfed animals start nibbling at the top of your skull?

Or is it not quite that bad?? A mere meterological or geophysical event, like the local dormant volcano exploding??

response #13 by EarlG:

      Sadly, it is literally a sinkhole
The MSNBC anchors been watching it in extreme closeup for the last ten minutes wondering whether or not a barrel on the edge is going to fall in.

response #35 by blondeatlast:

      Can't watch the tube, but with play-by-play like that, I think this might be far more entertaining.
And no blinding teeth, either!

response #16 by TomInTib:

      I was all caught up in "Baby Snatched From Coyote's Mouth".
I like action, man.

response #18 by Bornaginhooligan:

      Fox News division announces new Sink Hole Network.
Dennis Miller and Tucker Carlson to host new lead shows.

response #20 by janeaustin:

      Rev. Hagee has just proclaimed that God hates
Daisetta, TX, which is why their sinkhole is growing.

response #25 by DS1:

      I wonder who the "Senior Sudden Acute Terrain Void Correspondent" will be

response #28 by Bozita:

      Could it be the ... Sinkhole de Mayo?

GD, May 7, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3256276

On a thread by usnret88:

      I can recall living in a house with only one fireplace, and no other
source of heat. No one - not government, not the upper income folks, no one but us chopped the wood for the fireplace.

We didn't have a car, so my step father hitch-hiked or rode a bicycle to work, a bicycle that had only one gear rather than the nifty 21 speeds that make it easier.

We survived. We thought we were happy. We grew up. As a teenager I helped him do plumbing jobs, moved furniture, and my parents bought a house and even paid for it with the labor that the two of them could do.

If a plane crashes almost anywhere in the world, or if there is a automobile wreck in the neighboring county people EXPECT the government to provide grief counselors. That is what parents are for, and aunts, and uncles and grandparents.

And now, people are EXPECTING subsidized child care, subsidized housing, subsidized food, income credit for income they didn't earn so that they get a portion of the taxes that I and others like me must pay.

In addition to this, there is a proposal to buy them gas. My wife and I stopped having children after the second one, because we believed we could not afford more. There are many who should not have any, based on their income levels and expectations of income increases.

When will it end, or where?

response #4 by leftofthedial:

      yeah. screw everyone else!
I can scrape by. I don't need anyone's help. I'll just pull myself up by my bootstraps. Everyone on earth is just like me and doesn't need help either. We shouldn't give our money to the gummint to send

someone else's brat to school. We shouldn't let the gummint take our money to build roads. We can walk wherever we're going. Hell with everyone else, dammit! And get off my lawn!

response #19 by Lex:

      I recall that once people lived in caves and hunted their own meat
and now people are EXPECTING food at the grocery store and an actual house to live in.

Bah!

response #23 by Javaman:

      That's nothin'!! We didn't' even have wood!!! My mom gave birth
to extra kids just to burn them for heat!!!

Now those were some self sufficient hard times!!!

On top of that, we ate rocks!! and we liked it!! complaining about chipped teeth was for wimps!!!

:eyes:

response #57 by RedCappedBandit:

      You had a fireplace? Rich fuck.

response #105 by ulysses:

      Horatio Alger, you have a call on line 1.

GD, May 7, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3255537

If you have a complaint about this one, please post it in this thread. I get way too many PMs as it is. Thank you.

On a thread by WillyT:

Could Someone Please Explain To Me Why We Are Supposed To Be Gracious And...
lay off of Hillary and her campaign\supporters???

response #9 by TexasObserver:

It's in our self interest to do so. We ain't doin' it for them, but for us.
It's their job to roll over and show signs of submission, after having lost, and it's our job to accept that signal of concession. The problem is some of them are not ready to roll over. They are still showing their teeth, and that means more scent marking and growling by our side until they do.

Simple pack animal dynamic.

GDP, May 7, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5873435

OP by EarlG:

      The Party Of Operation Chaos
This "Operation Chaos" scheme by Rush Limbaugh is pure genius, a guaranteed winner. It fits perfectly into the media's campaign narrative. Meanwhile both sets of candidate supporters are propping up Lardbutt's plot: Clinton supporters want people to believe that they're stronger than Obama against these kind of right-wing attacks, and Obama supporters want people to believe that the dittohead army are the only ones voting for Clinton. Who wins?

That's right: Captain Ass-Boil.

So stop worrying about Rush Limbaugh, and ask yourself this question:

Is this the best they've got? "Operation Chaos"?

81% of Americans think the country is headed in the wrong direction, Bush has the highest disapproval rating of any president since records began, Iraq is going nowhere, and the economy is going down the drain. And the considered, adult, conservative approach to this sorry situation is... "Operation Chaos." Yeehaw!

Funny thing though...

"Operation Chaos" seems to have been the Republican approach to getting George W. Bush elected in 2000. "Operation Chaos" seems to have been the Republican approach to counter-terrorism before Sept. 11th, and the way they've run the Department of Homeland Security since. "Operation Chaos" seems to have been the Republican approach to dealing with the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. "Operation Chaos" seems to have been the Republican approach to the occupation of Iraq. And "Operation Chaos" seems to have been the Republican approach to the economy.

In fact, "Operation Chaos" seems to have been the Republican approach to governing in general.

So by all means, Rush, please keep on branding away...

response #1 by Joanne98:

      Rush is on drugs again. Doesn't he have to take a piss test or something?

response #16 by nichomachus:

      Do you want to hold the little plastic cup?
I figured -- neither does anyone else. There are some jobs that even illegal immigrants won't do.

And see below for a Special Visual Achievement award from this thread.

GDP, May 7, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5871461

On a thread by KC2:

      CNN.com headline: McCain promises to fight 'evil' if president

response #3 by TBF:

      He better be careful - Cheney's not a bad shot.

response #10 by Bryan:

      Fighting "evil"?
Is he running for President of the United States or Chairman of the Justice League?

response #35 by wileedog:

      Sauron Rebukes McCain: "Bring it old man!"

GDP, May 7, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5874215

OP by ashling:

      Geoffry Chaucer, political analyst
Whan that Aprille with its shours soote;
The drought of Genarale Discushune - Pimarye hathe
peirced to the roote ,
And bathed everie campayne surugot in suich liqour:
Hillarye hath her shotes took -
Crowne Royale wythe gude Beeir to chaise;
And dronke fallen downe inne such disgrayse.

response #2 by boobooday:

      You elitist!
You've obviously been reading books!

:rofl:

response #4 by JimGinPA:

      You Tawk Purty!
:rofl:

response #6 by Occam Bandage:

      Whan Obama eek with his swete speeche
Inspired hath in every holt and heeth
The eggy-hedes and the yonge elytes
Watche this the primaryes fulle cours y-ronne,
And Wille-I-Am maken melodye,
That playeth on the ye-tubes to open eyse
And emayles sent oute dayly clayming payne
Than longen folk to donayte to campaynes.

response #10 by tishaLA:

      The Wife of Bill's Prologue
"Experience, though noon auctoritee
Were in this world, were right ynogh to me
To speke of wo that is in mariage;
For, lordynges, sith Bill dalleed with the page,
Thonked be God, that is eterne on lyve,
Victor at primaree I have been fyve -
For I so ofte have ylected bee -
And alle were victoree in great degree.

response #14 by FLDem5:

      I am right sorry for your delegatelessnesse

response #20 by sfexpat2000:

      kicke

response #23 by ashling:

      Cume wone and all into our veyrse
to maken melodye or to conveyrse;
wythe anlyste and polle takers -
thowe moste be only elyte fakers;
to heare the prayre of our pundyt;
The faire dame Hillarye to quit.

response #28 by ashling:

      Ere then caym Obama into the lystes
Ayn noble Knighte suich fayme is his:
The Evyle Knighte McCain un-sattled;
Thowe brayv e'mayke, hys brayne is addled.
Republicaynes shalle roux the daye
The Brayve Barak cayme in thuir waye.

response #29 by ashling:

      Kicke once more unto the breache
And recommende: more soules to reache

GDP, May 7, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5865571

On a thread by BerryBush:

KOEB Meeting 5/7/08 OK, So Who Wants to Break It to Hillary That It's Over? Edition

response #50 by BerryBush:

Hillary...time to try the 12 Steps.
1. Admit you are powerless over your urge to campaign—that your life has become unmanageable.
2. Come to believe that a power greater than yourself can restore you to sanity. (Howard Dean?)
3. Make a decision to turn the nomination over to Barack Obama as you understand him.
4. Make a searching and fearless inventory of your campaign coffers.
5. Admit to Obama, yourself, and to everyone else the exact nature of your campaign blunders.
6. Be entirely ready to have all the Michigan and Florida delegates removed.
7. Humbly ask to have those delegates removed.
8. Make a list of all persons to whom you owe money, including yourself, and become willing to make amends to them all.
9. Make direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would require you to file bankruptcy.
10. Continue to take personal inventory and, where you were wrong about Obama, promptly admit it.
11. Seek through support and campaigning on his behalf to get the Democratic nominee elected president.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, try to carry this message to everyone, and to practice these principles in all your affairs.

Countdown/Keith Olbermann Group, May 7, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=315x118305

OP by AZDemDist6:

      My husband is VERY concerned about the Olympics this year
he says it looks like it might be a good deal, but he's afraid they'll just be a cheap knock off of the real Olympics and he'll be disappointed in the quality

his other concern is if they are being sponsored by WalMart

:rofl:

:evilgrin:

response #4 by GOPisEvil:

      Half an hour after he finishes watching, he'll want to watch again.
:hide:

response #16 by texas1928:

      You know they are going to paint a line on the track and label it...
The 38th Parallel, and the minute the US crosses it, they invade South Korea again.

And AZDem, I guess that DUzy actually belongs to your husband.

The Lounge, May 8, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7720301

On a thread by auntAgonist:

      Holy Potato
"Birgül Balta, 49, was cutting potatoes for French fries at her home in Berlin's Charlottenburg district when the cross-shaped cavity inside one of the spuds stopped her cold.

'There was a strange sort of crackling sound like pressure was being released. When she opened it she found that - two perfect crosses,' Balta's husband, Robert White, told The Local.

Balta, a Muslim, called her family and neighbors to witness what local newspaper Berliner Morgenpost is calling 'the miracle of Berlin-Charlottenburg.'

'Everyone was deeply stirred,' Balta told the paper. 'Some of them even began to weep and to pray...'"

Complete with photo!

response #1 by bertha katzenengel:

      My God! You've just deep-fried the Savior!
:rofl:

response #9 by ByTheRiver:

      Holy SHIT!!!
They got it all wrong!

The "strange sort of crackling sound" was the release of the antichrist! We're DOOMED!!

response #10 by Chan790:

      Did you intentionally post this on your 666th post...
or is that just funny coincidence? :shrug:

response #15 by Mad_Dem_X:

      WHOA
Okay, now I'm creeped out. :scared:

The Lounge, May 8, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7719684

OP by grantcart:

      Is this the end of snark? Will the shortage of snark drive the street price up?
It's late at night and the janitor for the Central Methodist Church has left the lights on in the basement of the side coffee hall room. The shadows make it difficult to see but the room seems packed.

Moderator: "We have a new member go ahead"

"My name is grantcart and I am an addict I am addicted to snark."

Moderator: "How did it start?"

"I live in a bad area its an upscale area of San Diego and everyone is a Republican and drives Hummers and German cars. Everytime I park the car I have to snark before I fit my Honda in. Anyway its 'Duke' Cunningham's district and just out of survival I used to write him snarky letters and share them with friends. Then they threw his sorry ass into prison and I was more or less cut off".

Moderator: We understand Congress is a gateway snark. Cunningham was a major dealer.

"I had pretty much adjusted and then Cheney shot his friend in the face and didn't visit him in the hospital and like the whole country snarked it up. It was like MJ in the '60s or coke in the 80's everyone was emailing jokes and pictures."

Moderator: Yes the market value of snark collapsed it was everywhere for free.

"Yeah well I kept sending my friends snark mail and I noticed that they were sending me less and less. Campaign started and I would do just recreaional snarking. Mostly light stuff like Thompson shit or Guilliani shit but I had a couple weekends where I OD on some pristine Romney shit"

cliffordu "that Romney shit was the best shit around plentiful sweet aroma full of hypocrocy and completely pretencious"

Moderator: Please cliffordu don't interupt.

"Well that import stuff always left a terrible after taste in my mouth - yeah it gave you a fix but then you had to see these repulsive guys going on and on they were snorting it up, and not snarking, like the believed that stuff so I cut it out and started just taking domestic snark. Little Gravel, some Kucinich but afterwards I felt guilty cause he's such a good guy. But it was harmless stuff just recreational post debate stuff. I thought I could handle it."

"Then Iowa and the quality of the snark just started to soar and I couldn't get enough - finally my friend told me to take it to DU and that was like having an alcoholic become a winetaster at Gallo. The Clinton campaign just went crazy they had all of these mainline sources and like every day there was Penn, Wolfson, Carville, McAuliffe and Davis. But I ended up having to mix it with alcohol it was too strong to take it straight up. But once you got em it would keep me going for hours or days. Sometimes I would be in my car at a light thinking about what one of those guys said and I would glance around and realize that all of the people in the neighboring cars would be staring at me because I had been shaking with laughter."

TheVoiceofReason, "Man you crazy to be taking that shit and snarking while driving you could have killed someone"

berni_mccoy: That Penn was pure shit, you take a straight shot of that, especially if it was a film clip and you could be wiped out for days, if you operated heavy machinery you could kill someone.

Moderator: Any other effects:

"Sometimes like 30 minutes after I got a Wolfson hit Ill be giggling and my family stares at me. Their Thai and speak English but the snark never translates, they just stare at me. At night I talk about it in my sleep. A couple of months ago I had two weeks of it and my wife said I kept saying 'Wyoming - great win for Hillary', she moved to the guest bedroom but last night she said I was yelling '14 points for Indiana'. I had a dream about changing my sex and moving in with m*****j*** and snarking Obamians.

Moderator: Well why are you here?

"Well we all know that our main dealers are going to be shutting down and I wanted to be prepared for it, afraid of going cold turkey."

(the whole room groans and shifts in its seat - musical phone signal "WAR what is it good for" starts)

Moderator: Turn off your cell phone please

"Sorry it was a text message"

"Clinton campaign just released a press release. Last night confirmed Senator Clinton's commanding hold on the nation's most important demographic 'people who have basements'. People who have basements experience the fullness of America. They play ping pong. They play pool. They have work benches where they make diaramas. They have cub scout meetings. It was people who have basements that won the Big War.

They don't have a lot of basements in elitist places like San Francisco or Illinois.

Moderator: Oh Mr. Grantcart stop please stop now you have the whole room snarking

phrigndumass: I got it too 72% of baement owners favored Clinton as well as 63% of people who not only knew what a hula hoop was
but still owned one. Also 73% of the people that did not own a fondue pot went for Clinton.

Moderator: All of you please leave. (everyone shuffles out of the room)

TheVoiceofReason: "Gonna miss Wolfson and McAuliffe when their history. You can't make that shit up - we will never see that again"

Cliffordu: "Not a problem I have been looking at the imported stuff and McCain has the strongest shit yet. He goes back and forth on everything calls his wife pretty names and keeps saying 'My Friends' right before he lays a big fat turd on you:

pringndumass: "Well that will take us to Nov 4th and then we will be officially 'shit out of luck'"

"No way man I got us a back up - my main dealer he's going inside man. This guy has been dealing since the 70s he will find it and he will pass it to us for years man"

Everyone: Who?

"His code name is Senator, Senator Franken."

response #1 by Symarip:

      I refuse to dismantle my snark campaign
Until I get my fucking pony.

response #2 by lumberjack_jeff:

      Yes. The smart money's on vitriol futures. n/t

response #6 by NewHampshireDem:

      Oh no, I predict a sudden rush, followed by a complete collapse
All my cash is in egoism. It's where the smart money is.

response #8 by cliffordu:

      "You've reached the private mail account of Cliffordu
He is out of the office for a short period of time on "vacation" to the Republic of Snarkistan, and will return your mail as soon as he returns......"

response #20 by jgraz:

      The snark futures market has been volatile lately
However, members of SNARPEC can be counted on the keep production high.

response #21 by Forkboy:

      I hoard my snark anyways...just in case.
That way I'm never left short. :)

response #22 by mcctatas:

      I thought my snark supplies were all dried up...
then I cleaned out my ignore list and well, crisis averted! :grr:

GDP, May 8, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5889549

On a thread by FlyingSquirrel:

      Darn it. Dropped half a cube of butter on the kitchen floor.
Why does butter always land butter side down?

:D

response #2 by Rabrrrrrr:

      Mine always lands prostitute side down.

response #4 by zanne:

      That's nothing. Try this;
Melt a pound of wax in a double boiler (to make candles). Attempt to transfer pot of hot liquid wax to the kitchen counter. Trip over cat. Spend the next week trying to get hard wax off the floor.

response #6 by evlbstrd:

      Five second rule.

response #8 by Canuckistanian:

      "Five second Rule" now scientifically proven worthless
Sorry to rain on your parade, but I'm sending in the clowns.

response #9 by evlbstrd:

      You don't scare me.
I maintain that it's not inevitably fatal. And you'd be surprised what you can eat when you're really hungry.
Besides, I used to be a clown.

response #11 by Canuckistanian:

      Damn, you called my bluff
I hate when that happens.

I've been eating stuff off the floor since dinosaurs were called "Fido".

The Lounge, May 9, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7723312

OP by Wetzelbill:

      It's a fact that if you didn't support Hillary you're a sexist....
and if you didn't support Obama, well, you're a racist. Also, if you didn't support Edwards, you don't like rich white guys. Biden? You are anti-bad combover (See also Rudy Giuliani) Bill Richardson? Well, you are racist against Mexican people. Kucinich? You don't like people who have seen UFOs. Wetzelbill? Racist against Indians and short chubby funny guys, plus you're a homophobe because his running mate is gay.

This is so, because the world is a simple place and we all do things for simple reasons. I would say it's a black and white world, but that would be kind of racist against apples and oranges. Or something like that.

In the words of that one guy: "Can't we all just get along?"

And also, in the words of Colonel Sanders: "I'm too drunk to taste this chicken."

I am Wetzelbill and Kurovski has approved this message.

response #11 by NewHampshireDem:

      I proudly proclaim that I am a SEXIST!
In the sense that someone who plays the piano is a pianist. ;)

response #17 by Husb2Sparkly:

      Oh fuck .........
Not you, too??????

Damn, NOW who am I going to vote for?

response #22 by Wetzelbill:

      I'm staying in unless Obama puts Kurovski on the ticket

response #18 by cliffordu:

      I guess I'm sexist, then. Don't tell my wife. Please.

response #20 by Wetzelbill:

      sorry I gave you up already

response #24 by cliffordu:

      That's cool....If she asks you, though, tell her I'm ageist....

GDP, May 9, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5908072

On a thread by RiverStone:

      What is the difference between Hillary exiting graciously vs being dragged out the door?

response #1 by lisa58:

      The Jokes

response #3 by barack the house:

      ...

response #4 by barack the house:

      ...

response #5 by barack the house:

      ...

response #6 by barack the house:

      ...

response #7 by barack the house:

      ...

response #8 by barack the house:

      sorry xerox machine went crazy with duplicates. It's so obsolete must get a new one.

response #9 by DarienComp:

      Sorry, can you repeat that? I missed it.
:hi:

GDP, May 9, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5905431

OP by Buzz Clik:

      Political limerick time. All comers welcome.
There once was a Senator named Clinton
Who assumed her nomination had been sent in
But despite her gun totin'
She lost in the votin'
And missed what the base had been hintin'

response #1 by jakem:

      There once was a Senator from Arkansas...
...no, New York...

.. scratch that, Illinois...

...PA?

oh, fuck it.

response #2 by Buzz Clik:

      Well, you're off to a good start. I like your passion.

response #4 by seasat:

      There once was an old codger named McCain
He hoped for a presidential reign
But to get his wish
He hopped in bed with Bush
Now he just seems insane

response #5 by LeftishBrit:

      There once was a man called McCain
Who was practically barking insane!
After eight years of Bush
Still his party would push
For another man without a brain!

response #8 by DarienComp:

      I wrote this one after the PA debate.
Says Gibson, "It's clear as a bell,
That you want to bid Iraq farewell,
But we have lost our brains,
So the question remains,
Why no flag pin upon your lapel?"

response #10 by Buzz Clik:

      Outstanding!
Does anything rhyme with Stephanopoulos?

Snuffleupagus
Metropolis
Bellyflopalus

Could be difficult.

response #18 by DarienComp:

      I rise to your challenge, sir.
Here's talking head George Stephanopoulos
Who's the biggest hack in our metropolis.
Though he loves Hillary,
One would hope he can see
Her campaign is now in the necropolis.

response #9 by zeemike:

      Oh I just love limericks
There once was a Democratic convention
That was full political tension
But once it was over
We were rolling in clover
And bush was retired with a pension.

response #98 by BushDespiser12:

      And Bush was confined in detention?

response #11 by LeftishBrit:

      There once were two men, Bush and Cheney.
Both were evil and neither was brainy.
Great destruction they hurled.
For the sake of the world,
Don't elect their successor, McCain-y!

response #70 by Voice for Peace:

      my cat never wears a pajama, and doesn't believe in Osama
a fellow named barack obama
was voted for by my old momma
she's got no degree
she's as white as can be
and has never climbed up Fujiyama

response #101 by Buzz Clik:

      Ha! Everyone's mom has climbed Fuji, but not yours?

response #143 by Voice for Peace:

      That's right. Only the elite moms have done that climb.

response #16 by FLDem5:

      There once was a man named Barack
to whom all the voters did flock,
McCain tried to win
but it all was just spin
the people all bought the right stock!

-or-

There once was a man named McCain,
An old coot whose rich wife has a plane,
Senior moments galore,
"Who is still in this war?"
Sunni? Shia? Bah, they're all the same!

response #26 by TechBear_Seattle:

      "My candidate's name is Kucinich"
My candidate's name is Kucinich
But the hacks said, "He just cannot win-ich."
So he calmly bowed out
And... aw, hell, I'm too depressed to even try to finish this.

response #87 by elehhhhna:

      My candidate's name is Kucinich --
His favorite veggie is spinach.
He just loves it, but
It's bad for his gut
And oftentimes it makes his chin itch.

response #40 by Jed Dilligan:

      An ugly old fart named McCain,
Said things that sounded insane.
"Bomb bomb bomb Iran"
Sung the nasty old man
Then flew off in his wife's private plane.

Okay, it's early for me... I'll be back later.

response #73 by ReadTomPaine:

      There once was a place on DU...
where all of the posters flung poo

then the contest, it ended

and the Admins descended

and everyone was glad it was through.

----

Great thread!

response #84 by FlyingSquirrel:

      "It's Over," claimed phrigndumass...
As with grantcart he raised up a glass
"Here's to MATH!" they both chorused
As the Supers endorsed
But from Skinner, no comment. Alas.

response #86 by SaveAmerica:

      Through the Old North State she did truck It,
With pitchfork, bales of hay, and a bucket,
On a truck cherry red,
Flinging 'ya'lls' from its bed,
Even Bubba had to say "She's quite removed from the reality of Carolina's citizens".

response #94 by Gore1FL:

      Ode to Hillary
Hillary won some debates.
But not a whole lot of the states.
She said she'd stay in it,
In order to win it.
But she can't win enough delegates.

response #109 by gauguin57:

      senator mccain dumps first wife limerick
Said McCain to his disabled first wife,
"I’m having a crisis in mid-life!
I’ve found a young floozy …
Her bankroll’s a doozy
Though she's not really sharp like a knife."

To his first wife McCain said, "Now Honey …
You know I must marry Cindy’s money.
For a seat in the House
I’ll make the youngster my spouse.
Like your crutches, I know that's so funny."

response #129 by eridani:

      That sourball curmudgeon McCain
Missed getting aboard the clue train
Torture? He rued it
But then he approved it
The crazy Bush hugger's insane.

response #132 by DaDooRonRon:

      You asked for it
There once was a group called DU

Who will vote party line through and through

If their candidate’s stance

Looks like shit at first glance

Who cares! As long as it’s blue

(this should exponentially ramp up my ignore list numbers) :)

Other chuckles abound in this thread
But I'm weary and longing for bed
So I'll say, "Click the link!"
As I finish my drink
And assume that the rest have been read.

GDP, May 9, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5900125

On a thread by OmmmSweetOmmm:

      Fundy Alert! The Duggar Family of 19 will be on the Today Show with an announcement?
Is she pregnant with her 18th????

Edited...I missed a kid!

response #9 by tekisui:

      Who are the endorsing?!??

response #12 by soothsayer:

      They need a new hobby.

response #13 by IanDB1:

      They must have the carbon footrprint of a waste processing plant. n/t

response #15 by peace frog:

      The Duggars' 15 minutes were over years ago
For the sake of all that is right and holy, tie a knot in it!

response #19 by HughBeaumont:

      I hope it's to say she's closing shop.
I say "she" because, you know, far be it from the semen firehose himself to make a date with a scalpel. Don't want the boys down at the Megachurch to be makin' "less than a man" jokes, and all. :eyes:

Come ON, how many kids does one NEED before it's a glorified LDS sect?

response #137 by uppityperson:

      If God had wanted MrDuggar to use a condom, God would have put one on his penis every time he
whipped it out and in. It is what God wanted.

response #172 by Generic Other:

      Maybe she will quit when she exhausts all the "J" names?
She is down to Jehosaphat, Jezebel, and Jerk-off.

response #55 by Dreamer Tatum:

      Something about happy families REALLY pisses certain people off
Something tells me that if all 18 or whatever of them showed up on
TV, half wearing "FUCK GOD" and the other half wearing "FUCK BUSH" t-shirts,
they'd catch an even break here. Maybe.

Geez, they're goofy and sort of creepy, and at at least a few of those kids
will probably have issues later in life, but I can point to MANY 5-, 6-, or 7-person
families that are the same way.

response #139 by uppityperson:

      It would be more newsworthy to announce they are NOT pregnant. eom

response #68 by Starbucks Anarchist:

      They're just phoning it in now.

response #88 by Javaman:

      Here's the big announcement...
"Due to the rise in inflation and the rise in the price of food, the Duggar family are going to start eating the kids that aren't pulling their weight.

Because their family is so large, they will start with the older children. They will fill more mouths."

:rofl:

response #101 by AzDar:

      "Havin' My Bay-beh... What a Wonderful Way To Say I Love,
Love, Love, Love, Love, Love, Love, Love, Love, Love, Love, Love, Love, Love, Love, Love, Love, Love Youuuuuu".

Mmmmmmm, Duggar Love....Aaaarrrlllgghhhh.

(I seriously need to lay off the Red Bull in the a.m.)
:rofl:

response #173 by Bluebear:

      I think she has grown a reserve uterus so she can have #20 at the ready.

GD, May 9, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3261980

On a locked thread:

      I have a question about DU and 911

response #10 by Call Me Wesley

      Locking.
Fast are we, aren't we? ;)

Member has left the building to read more chapters of 'Mein Kampf.'

Appalled,

Call Me Wesley
DU Moderator

The Lounge, May 7, 2008

On a thread by cbayer:

      My deepest and most humble toast to the mods.

response #9 by VolcanoJen

      You guys get hazard pay, right?
:yourock: :yourock: :yourock:

response #10 by The Magistrate

      Three Times Normal, My Friend
How was it for you back in the day?

response #12 by TahitiNut

      Hot tub and all the beer we could drink.
Of course, *SOME* folks drank too much and peed in the hot tub, but I won't (Volcano) name (Jen) names.

:evilgrin:

response #20 by The Magistrate

      They Gave You Beer, Sir?
Damn....

All we get is a whip and a chair....

GDP, May 7, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5859184

On a locked thread:

      So what happens if Crazy Clinton never conceeds?

response #54 by rasputin1952

      Locking...
There is no evidence that HRC is any crazier than a few who post here.

Flamebait

GDP, May 9, 2008

OP by krispos42:

      Behind the Codpiece: The Secret to Bush's Manliness

response #1 by Wiley50

response #3 by aint_no_life_nowhere

GD, May 3, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3240262

On a thread by ashling:

      We are stuck in a never ending episode of Twilight Zone

response #3 by crimsonblue

GDP, May 3, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7706504

OP by crimsonblue:

      Holy shit, i won two duzies..

response #22 by Perry Logan

GD, May 3, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3238465

OP by DS1:

      Asshole Rich Kid with "intermittent explosive disorder" sent to prison. Reaction shots are priceless

response #212 by lame54

GD, May 5, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3246896

OP by Texas Explorer:

      Shoot! Gotta get this in just this one time...

GDP, May 7, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5857693

On a thread by EarlG:

      The Party Of Operation Chaos

response #53 by Swamp Rat

GDP, May 7, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5871461

OP by yibbehobba:

      We are going to LOSE

response #4 by Bicoastal

response #5 by likesmountains 52

response #8 by westerebus

response #9 by cbayer

response #10 by Bucky

response #41 by JVS

response #28 by yibbehobba

GDP, May 8, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5892105

OP by Dr_eldritch:

      Children.

response #8 by BushDespiser12

GDP, May 8, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5892322

On a thread by Ichingcarpenter:

      McCain talks into a upside down microphone..... picture and video

response #1 by BushDespiser12

response #4 by Lastlaughin08

response #5 by Happyhippychick

response #8 by blondeatlast

response #6 by Ichingcarpenter

response #20 by goclark

response #14 by nichomachus

response #15 by dicksteele

response #23 by babylonsister

response #31 by pepperbear

response #32 by Contrary1

response #36 by Riddler

response #49 by Poiuyt

response #39 by aint_no_life_nowhere

response #43 by bullwinkle428

response #44 by rocknation

response #51 by seemslikeadream

response #55 by Sabriel

GD, May 9, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3264964