Scott McClellan's Greatest Hits

[Hissyspit]

On event of the release of choice bits of Scott McClellan's Bush-insider information - just in time to stimulate sales of his new memoir - I thought it would be appropriate and requisite to revisit some of the glory days of Scotty's tenure in service to the Ministry of Public Enlightenment and Propaganda, er, I mean the White House Press Office. Thus I present, with a lot of help from, and apologies to, EarlG and the 'Top Ten Conservative Idiots:' "Scott McClellan's Greatest Hits."


FEBRUARY 14, 2005

http://www.democraticunderground.com/top10/05/186.html

1. Scott McClellan

The real scandal of the Jeff Gannon story, is, of course, "what did the White House know, and when did they know it?" - and as usual, they're pretending not to know anything. However, last week Scott McClellan admitted that he knew Jeff Gannon was using an alias, because anyone who wants to get into a White House press briefing must provide their real name. Yet he consistently referred to Gannon/Guckert as "Jeff" when calling on him during press briefing - how kind of Scott to keep up the pretense. Additionally, Gannon didn't have full press credentials (or did he?) - in fact, he'd previously been denied a press pass to cover Congress on the grounds that Talon wasn't a real news organization. Yet somehow he was able to obtain daily passes to White House briefings whenever he felt like it. At a press conference last week, McClellan said, "...(Gannon), like anyone else, showed that he was representing a news organization that published regularly, and so he was cleared two years ago to receive daily passes, just like many others are." That's odd, because according to this DailyKos analysis, Talon started publishing "news" on April 1, 2003, and Jeff Gannon's first report from a White House briefing was on April 3, 2003. Considering that Gannon's partner in crime Bobby Eberle is a big-shot Texas Republican, and considering that it only took two days to come up with a White House press pass, and considering that Scottie liked to refer to Mr. James D. Guckert as "Jeff" on the many occasions he called on him for a question, it's hard to avoid the stench of rotting bullpoop emanating from the White House press secretary.

JULY 18, 2005

http://www.democraticunderground.com/top10/05/206.html

2. Scott McClellan

You almost had to feel sorry for Scott McClellan last week. His masters dangled him like a piñata in front of a suddenly-aggrieved White House press corps with but one instruction: stonewall at all costs. And stonewall he did, clearly at great cost to his own mental health.

Scott's stock response to every single question regarding Karl Rove was that he would not comment during an "ongoing investigation" - even to questions which had nothing to do with said investigation. Reporters were so frustrated that some of them even heckled Scott at the end of one press conference, shouting "Karl Rove! Karl Rove! Karl Rove!" and "Will Karl be on the space shuttle tomorrow?" as Scotty ran from the podium with his tail between his legs.

Funnily enough though, the White House had no problem commenting two years ago - during the ongoing investigation. In 2003, answering questions about Karl Rove's role in the leak, Scott McClellan said the following:

I've made it very clear that it was a ridiculous suggestion in the first place. ... I've said that it's not true. ... And I have spoken with Karl Rove.

And...

I've made it very clear, he was not involved, that there's no truth to the suggestion that he was.

Oh dear. Still, we'll be looking forward to Mr. McClellan's press conferences this coming week, and we even have a special gift for him, which I'm sure he'll find quite useful:

APRIL 19, 2004

http://www.democraticunderground.com/top10/04/152.html

3. Jello W. Bush

To be fair, there was one line that stuck out during Dubya's incoherent blatherings at the press conference. Yes, he was talking about weapons of mass destruction - again - but we can apparently now add 50 tons of mustard gas in a turkey farm to all the VX, anthrax, yellowcake and aluminum tubes. That's right - it wouldn't be a press conference without Our Great Leader telling fibs about stockpiles of WMDs. During his non-answer to the question "what's your biggest mistake?" Bush started going on about how he still thinks that WMDs will be found: "See, I'm of the belief that we'll find out the truth on the weapons. That's why we sent up the independent commission. I look forward to hearing the truth as to exactly where they are. They could still be there. They could be hidden, like the 50 tons of mustard gas in a turkey farm." Now, for those of you unfamiliar with the 50 tons of mustard gas in a turkey farm story, here's the deal. Bush was talking about Libya's voluntary disclosure of weapons earlier this year, during which inspectors discovered - you guessed it - 50 tons of mustard gas in a turkey farm. Except... the day after the press conference Scott McClellan had to clarify Bush's statement, because apparently only 23.6 tons of mustard gas were found. Oh, and the substance was actually found scattered across Libya, not at the turkey farm. Um, in fact, there wasn't any mustard gas at the turkey farm at all, just unfilled munitions. So technically Bush's statement was correct, apart from the bit about "50 tons of mustard gas in a turkey farm." You know, it's not surprising that Bush can't think of any mistakes he's made since 9/11, considering that he DOESN'T HAVE A BRAIN.

OCTOBER 17, 2005

http://www.democraticunderground.com/top10/05/218.html

4. Scott McClellan

But it was Scott McClellan who took the brunt of Bush's tomfoolery at the White House press conference which followed the teleconference. Unfortunately for Scott, he didn't know that the reporters already knew that the event was staged. Hilarity ensued:

Q: Scott, why did the administration feel it was necessary to coach the soldiers that the President talked to this morning in Iraq?

SCOTT McCLELLAN: I'm sorry, I don't know what you're suggesting.

(snip)

Q: ...we asked you specifically this morning if there would be any screening of questions or if they were being told in any way what they should say or do, and you indicated no.

SCOTT McCLELLAN: I don't think that's what the question was earlier today. I think the question earlier today was asking if they could ask whatever they want, and I said, of course, the President was - and you saw -

Q: And I asked if they were pre-screened.

SCOTT McCLELLAN: You saw earlier today the President was trying to engage in a back-and-forth with the troops...

(snip)

Q: But I also asked this morning, were they being told by their commanders what to say or what to do, and you indicated, no. Was there any prescreening of -

SCOTT McCLELLAN: I'm not aware of any such - any such activities that were being undertaken...

Worst. Press Secretary. Ever.

By the way, don't miss this Keith Olbermann segment on Bush's teleconference travesty - I promise you won't be disappointed!

Olbermann Part One
Olbermann Part Two
Olbermann Part Three

MAY 23, 2005

http://www.democraticunderground.com/top10/05/199.html

5. The Bush Administration

What does it take to inflame the entire Muslim world? Would it be George W. Bush referring to his Iraq adventure as a "crusade?" Could it be Ann Coulter suggesting that we should "invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity?" Might it be the photos of American soldiers abusing detainees at Abu Ghraib prison? Or is it perhaps the appalling mishandling of the Iraq occupation itself?

Don't be silly! Sure, all those things are a bit of a problem, but they pale in comparison to the evil machinations of Newsweek magazine. Last week Newsweek reported that guards at Guantanamo Bay prison had flushed a Koran down the toilet in order to intimidate detainees. The story came from an anonymous senior government official who told journalist Michael Isikoff that he had seen investigative reports on the matter. Newsweek ran the story past the Pentagon - twice - who corrected part of the article but didn't say anything about the Koran flushing.

The next thing you know, riots are breaking out all over the Muslim world and the White House is putting the blame squarely on... Newsweek. "There has been some lasting damage that has been done to our image... and it's going to take some work to repair that damage," said Scott McClellan, apparently with a straight face. "The report has had serious consequences. People have lost their lives. The image of the United States abroad has been damaged." (But you know, covering prisoners in shit, piling them in naked pyramids, attacking them with dogs, and beating them to death - well, that's just a bit of lighthearted fun.)

JANUARY 23, 2006

http://www.democraticunderground.com/top10/06/229.html

6. Scott McClellan

Is there any doubt that Scott McClellan is the worst White House press secretary of all time? His daily briefings have been a joke for some time now, although since Scott hit his stride during the whole Valerie Plame "ongoing investigation" fiasco, things have quieted down a bit. That changed last week when Scott fended off questions about Jack Abramoff (and guess what - the "ongoing investigation" excuse is back!)

On January 5, Scott committed to providing details of Jack Abramoff's visits to the White House, telling reporters that "I'm making sure that I have a thorough report back to you on that, and I'll get that to you, hopefully very soon." But last week he changed his tune:

Q: ...do you have an update for us on any records of phone calls or emails between staff members and Mr. Abramoff, or photos of the President with him?

SNOTTY: No, as I indicated yesterday, we're not going to engage in some sort of fishing expedition. I know there are some that want to play partisan politics, and do so. This is a gentleman who is being held to account for the wrongdoing he was involved in. He is someone who, through himself and his clients, contributed to both Democrats and Republicans. And it was outrageous what he was involved in doing and he needs to be held to account, and he is being held to account by the Department of Justice.

(snip)

Q: Scott, you said a few minutes ago you weren't going to do a fishing expedition on any contacts Abramoff might have had with White House people. But some of his lobbying firm billing records and emails and other things that are emerging in this case suggest some specific meetings with White House officials, including an aid to the Vice President. Have you had any opportunity, or will you take the opportunity to sort of compare those records with anything --

SNOTTY: No, I mean, the gentleman you bring up, Mr. Abramoff, is someone that is being held to account by the Department of Justice. The Department of Justice has an ongoing investigation and they're the ones who are overseeing that investigation.

It's no surprise that Scott doesn't want to go on a fishing expedition, since the Washingtonian magazine reported last week that Our Great Leader might be up to his neck in the Abramoff scandal:

At a press conference, McClellan said if there were pictures, which officials hadn't found, they might have been taken at a Christmas-party line, where the President poses with hundreds of people. "The President does not know him, nor does the President recall ever meeting him," McClellan said.

The comment about searching raised images in the press room of a "White House plumbers" operation looking for incriminating photos.

If the White House can't find the photos, prosecutors already know where to look. The Washingtonian has seen five photos of the President with Abramoff or his family. One photo shows the President and Abramoff shaking hands at a meeting in the Old Executive Office Building, where a bearded-Abramoff introduced Bush to several of the lobbyist’s native-American clients.

(Snip)

Sources say the photographs are being kept safe. Abramoff would tell prosecutors, if asked, that not only did he know the President, but the President knew the names of Abramoff’s children and asked about them during their meetings. At one such photo session, Bush discussed the fact that both he and Abramoff were fathers of twins.

Anyway, this all probably goes a long way to explaining why Scott almost forgot that the President wasn't inaugurated on September 11, 2001 (video courtesy of CanOFun.com).

JULY 12, 2004

http://www.democraticunderground.com/top10/04/163.html

7. Ken Lay

Incidentally, Bush spokesman Scott McClellan tried to suggest last week that Lay has been a supporter of "Democrats and Republicans in the past." Right. Well, I guess since in the last five years Lay has donated 91% to Republicans and 2% to Democrats, McClellan's statement is technically true...

FEBRUARY 10, 2005

http://www.whitehouse.gov/news/releases/2005/02/20050210-6.html

8. Scott McClellan

Q Jeff Gannon. How did he get a White House pass, or what kind of credentials did he have?

MR. McCLELLAN: Just like anyone else who comes to the White House.

Q Hard pass?

MR. McCLELLAN: No, he had never applied for a hard pass. He had a daily pass. I think he's been coming for --

Q Was he coming for --

MR. McCLELLAN: Hang on. I think he's been coming for more than two years now.

Q Under what name?

MR. McCLELLAN: Sorry?

Q Under what name?

MR. McCLELLAN: Well, you have to get cleared. You have to -- just like anybody else that comes to the White House, you have to have your full name, your Social Security number and your birth date. So you have to be cleared just like anybody else.

Q So he was being cleared under James Guckert, or whatever his name is?

MR. McCLELLAN: My understanding, yes.

Q Okay, and how did he get picked to get a question asked at the last news conference?

MR. McCLELLAN: He didn't. The President didn't have a list. The President didn't -- he was in the briefing room. There are assigned seats in the briefing room. We didn't do any assigning of seats, and the President worked his way through the rows, and called on people as he came to them. He doesn't know who he is.

Q Were you aware that he had another name?

MR. McCLELLAN: Was I aware? I had heard that. I had heard that, yes, recently.

Q But did you know during all this time that he really wasn't Jeff Gannon?

MR. McCLELLAN: I heard at some point, yes -- previously.

Q As Press Secretary, what do you think about this whole --

MR. McCLELLAN: Well, like I said -- what do I think about it? Well, let me explain a few things. First, as the press secretary, I don't think it's the role of the Press Secretary to get into picking or choosing who gets press credentials. Also, I don't think it's the role of the Press Secretary to get into being a media critic, and I think there are very good reasons for that. I've never inserted myself into the process. He, like anyone else, showed that he was representing a news organization that published regularly, and so he was cleared two years ago to receive daily passes, just like many others are. The issue comes up -- it becomes, in this day and age, when you have a changing media, it's not an easy issue to decide or try to pick and choose who is a journalist. And there -- it gets into the issue of advocacy journalism. Where do you draw the line? There are a number of people who cross that line in the briefing room.

And, as far as I'm concerned, I would welcome the White House Correspondents Association, if they have any concerns or issues that they want to bring to my attention, they know my door is open and I'll be glad to discuss these issues with them. I have an open dialogue with the Correspondents Association. No one's ever brought such an issue to my attention, in my -- during my time as being Press Secretary. And you all cover the briefing room on a regular basis. You know that there are a number of people in that room that express their points of view, and there are people in that room that represent traditional media, they represent talk radio, they represent -- they're columnists, and they represent online news organizations.

Q Was the White House aware at all -- was the White House aware -- was the White House aware at all about the online websites that he was linked to?

MARCH 19, 2007

http://journals.democraticunderground.com/top10/283

9. Scott McClellan

Perhaps the most interesting piece of testimony from last week's Congressional hearing on the Valerie Plame affair came not from Plame herself - although she certainly had plenty to say - but from Dr. James Knodell.

Cast your minds back for a moment to the early days of the Plame Affair, when Scott McClellan said, "The President has made it very clear that the leaking of classified information is a serious matter, and he takes it very seriously. That's why he is saying that we need to get to the bottom of this, and the sooner, the better." That was about a week after George W. Bush said, "I want to get to the bottom of this," and, "if there is a leak out of my administration, I want to know who it is."

Clearly the White House were trying really hard to discover the truth behind Plame's outing, because two years later Scott McClellan was still saying, "No one wants to get to the bottom of it more than the President of the United States."

So what does this have to do with the White House Director of the Office of Security? Well, according to Think Progress, he testified under oath last week that, "to his knowledge the White House has never ordered a probe, report, or sanctions as a result of the outing of covert CIA operative Valerie Plame."

Oops.

OCTOBER 8, 2007

http://journals.democraticunderground.com/top10/309

10. The Bush Administration

"We do not condone torture. I have never ordered torture. I will never order torture." -- George W. Bush, June 2004

"This Administration does not condone torture." -- White House Counsel Alberto Gonzales, July 2004

"We do not torture." -- Press Secretary Scott McClellan, Febraury 2005

"We do not torture." -- Press Secretary Scott McClellan, March 2005

"We do not torture and we do not condone torture." -- Press Secretary Scott McClellan, September 2005

"We do not torture." -- Press Secretary Scott McClellan, October 2005

"We do not torture." -- George W. Bush, November 2005

"We do not torture." -- NSA Adviser Stephen Hadley, December 2005

"We do not torture." -- George W. Bush, December 2005

"We do not torture." -- Press Secretary Scott McClellan, January 2006

There you have it: Oldies, but Goodies! Brings back those nostalgic feelings of disturbance, disgust and disbelief, doesn't it? For my part, I will say that, because of his service to his country, the alarms that he sounded, and for his forthrightness to the American public, I hope that Scott McClellan can enjoy in his remaining golden years, the worst most interminably horrible hemmorhoids imaginable.

[Contrary1]

1. As Seen On TV

:)

K & R

[Hissyspit]

2. Also available on iTunes.

[orleans]

3. k&r for scottie's swan song

[Swamp Rat]

4. I remember some of those press conferences like yesterday.

:kick:

Don't fly in small planes Scotty.

[Tesla]

5. I used to watch them daily, he could wiggle out of anything!

I really hated it when Snow took over.

[rocktivity]

6. Get thee to Keith Olberman's e-mail box!

It's [e-mail]

Scotty's going on Countdown this Friday, not next Monday. It would be so much watching him to try to "wiggle out" of THESE!

:bounce:
rocknation