New Element Announced
Discovery of the densest element yet known to science was announced today by the Laurence Livermore Labs, UC-Berkley.
The new element has been named "Bushcronium". Bushcronium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 311.
These particles are held together by dark forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities ot lepton-like particles called peons.
The symbol for Bushcronium is "W".
Bushcronium's mass actually increases over time, as morons randomly interact with various elements in the atmosphere and become assistant deputy neutrons in a Bushcronium molecule, forming isodopes.
This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to believe that Bushcronium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass".
When catalyzed by cash, Bushcronium activates Foxnewsium, an element that radiates order of magnitude more energy, albeit as incoherent noise, since it has only half as many peons but twice as many morons.
At present there is no apparent usefulness for this new addition to the periodic table of the elements.
Wish I could take credit for this, however it came to me via an email forward chain. Hope it hasn't already made the rounds here and my pre-posting search somehow missed it.
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