I have a child who is mentally retarded

[fed_up_mother]

Actually, a few points above, but for all intents and purposes will live as a person with mental retardation.

Mentally retarded does not offend me when used as a clinical description.

However, if you dare call my child "a retard," you'll probably want to make a hasty retreat from my presence.

Just a public service announcement.

...

...

...


"Retard" is not politically correct for a good reason. It's very hurtful. It's a slur against the human dignity of persons who are mentally disabled. Calling another person a retard is meant to be degrading, insulting, and offensive to the person because of the user's belief in the inherent lack of dignity owed the mentally disabled. If you can't see why using that word is wrong after thinking about this - plainly stated - you lack empathy.

[ColbertWatcher]

1. There was another thread about that stupid movie...

...I suggest that if people agree with you, but still have to see this movie: please wait for the second week.

Do not see it the first week.

Thank you!

[babylonsister]

2. fed_up_mother...

:thumbsup: I agree 100%. There are so many other words out there that can be used to disparage someone, if that is the motive. Not this one.

[ColbertWatcher]

3. k+r, btw. n/t

[fed_up_mother]

4. Thanks! I hope those that agree do the same.

I don't mean that to be a shameless plug for my own thread, but more as a PSA.

[ColbertWatcher]

6. Here is a link to the other thread...

...http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=389&topic_id=3789025&mesg_id=3789025

[JohnnyLib2]

5. Recommended and thank you.

Hurtful and totally unnecessary.

[Kceres]

7. Well, I do not have a retarded child.

But we made a family decision not to see this movie. We all like the stars of the movie and would ordinarily see such a film if not for the controversy. My heart goes out to everyone hurt by this insensitivity.

[fed_up_mother]

66. I just wanted to say thanks for sharing that.

[cwydro]

8. I hate the term.

I worked with these folks for yesrs.

They are very aware of what is said about them.

They are human beings, some of the best I have ever met.

[Debi]

9. Me too - well he's a young adult now

and I have to remind friends/family members that 'that' term in inappropriate (I also have to remind them that 'gay' isn't acceptable either). There are other words to use to define how they feel when something is different or strange or not like them. People without mental disabilities should be able to figure those words out.

:hug: best to you. And no, we won't be going to see that movie either.

[TexasObserver]

10. I never use it because (1) it's a condition that cannot be altered, (2) that's someone's child, and

... and (3) mean people suck.

[polmaven]

11. Did someone HERE do that???

If so, I hope that person is no LONGER here!

[lumberjack_jeff]

34. He is. His is a passionate defense of the "linguistic variety" of the language.

I think he's simply an asshole.

[fed_up_mother]

36. Or maybe he's just a fag!

:rofl:


...

...

...

...

For anyone who doesn't get it, do you think it's ok for me to respond like that? Was that funny?

Moderators, please leave this post up. It is NOT meant to disparage or demean gays. I'm just trying to point out that "retard" is just as nasty as words like "fag."

[roody]

51. Got it! Funny.

[lumberjack_jeff]

54. Ouch. Point taken. n/t

[davidnc76]

12. It is a frickin' movie

This is going WAY overboard. This is ridiculous censorship attempts, and slandering a movie that is might be good on other merits. Do these people think I am so stupid (or retarded :) that I can't watch a movie with the R word and still respect people with "intellectual disabilities"? I have seen hundreds of movies that use the N word and the F word and all the words. People need to get over themselves. People that get offended easily, offend me.

[fed_up_mother]

13. I make no attempts to "censor"

Just a public service announcement.

Although you can be sure no one in my family will be going to see that movie.

[davidnc76]

17. All of my family will be there this weekend.

[fed_up_mother]

24. And that is your right.

But I hope you don't mind if I don't say "Have fun."

[ColbertWatcher]

15. You're right, it is just a movie. So, wait for the 2nd week before you see it. n/t

[Kceres]

18. Cool off! No one said you shouldn't see the movie.

Don't get defensive just because some of us choose not to. No censorship encouraged here. Just free choice.

[K8-EEE]

25. I have an autistic kid and although I totally respect the OP's opinion

I'm also married to an artist and really, PC-ness and self-censorship really makes it hard to do any satire at all.

Al Franken is running into problems with satire pieces he did long ago: "You're sexist! You're this and that!"

Unfortunately "retard" as derogatory venacular is something that's been used since I was in the schoolyard and that was long ago! Not that I condone it but I don't condone cussing or drugging or a lot of things that can be pictured in movies as part of the story.

No, I'm not going to see it because I'm hyper-sensitive to that sort of thing but I wouldn't exactly be mad about it....I'm more upset with the cuts being made to the MOST BASIC services for the disabled people and the fact that the people in charge would much rather bomb people than spend a dime on low-skilled job programs, for instance.

If the movie brings up the subject and gets people conversing about the feelings and challenges of people with development disabilities...all the better!

Just my 2 cents!

[lumberjack_jeff]

35. The phenomena are inseperable.

Services are cut because the recipients of that aid are dehumanized.

They are dehumanized (in part) through the use of language.

Personally, I don't think that satire and humor have been irreparably harmed by marginalizing Al Jolson and other blackface artists (and their attendant bigoted language) through political correctness.

If your child has autism, the issue should be clear to you. If your child was black, would you be similarly conflicted at the use of the "n" word?

To me, the issue isn't the movie, it's the marketing.

[K8-EEE]

43. Eh.....

I dunno, a PC-ization & cleansing of language in movies, I don't know if that would really improve things or make people more inclined to be kinder to disabled people. I'm just not that sold on that idea, it doesn't ring true to me.

One thing, it's a great way to sell a dumbass movie, use some kind of controversial term and everyone's abuzz! I'm a believer in the old Hollywood saying: there's no such thing as bad publicity. Maybe not in politics, but in movies, I believe that's true.

[noamnety]

52. For the benefit of others here: "an autistic kid"

I know you don't care about this, K8-EEE, but for the benefit of others reading the thread people in the education business generally make a point of NOT using that phrase because it defines the child by their disability.

"an autistic child" <- not so much acceptable
"a child with autism" <-- better, because the child is defined first and foremost as a child. The disability doesn't become part of their identity in the same way.

I was corrected on that myself once, and since then I've seen a few others also get corrected.

[lumberjack_jeff]

55. Very good.

Washington State has passed a bill directing state agencies to use "people first" language; (e.g. child with Autism, person with Downs syndrome). It was a big success for the people with developmental disabilities who lobbied their legislators on the bill's behalf.

Thanks for pointing this out.

[K8-EEE]

79. My other kid OOPS I mean child has typical-ity.

They both have beauty....OH MY GOD HAVE I OFFENDED PEOPLE WHO HAVE UGLY?

Really, maybe I'm just naturally kind of a plain-spoken person, I mean, I HAVE PLAIN-SPOKENNESS! But that kind of stuff seems silly to me.

[fed_up_mother]

65. I agree, but again, I'm not offended because you actually have to stop and

thank about the implications of that phrasing. It's an awareness issue. Heck, when I'm speaking quickly or typing fast, I find myself referring to my own child that way.

However, calling someone "a retard" as an insult or joke - it's pretty obvious that the speaker doesn't care if the term offends anyone. I mean - COME ONE, PEOPLE! - did it ever dawn on you that someone who overhears you has a child with serious developmental disabilities and might be hurt by that callous perjorative?

[K8-EEE]

68. I don't consider "an autistic kid" to be an insult

Oh brother.....since when is not calling your kid "a child" an insult? Since when is the word "autistic" an insult. Believe me I'm always gently corrected by "autism professionals" on shit like this and I'm like: "You mean, you're a woman WITH PROFESSIONAL AUTISM TRAINING? DOESN'T "AUTISM PROFESSIONAL" MAKE YOU FEEL ICKY?

What nonsense....

[K8-EEE]

67. Of yes "with autism" is so much better

I've heard that so many times and I think it's silly.

There is such word as autistic and such thing as an autistic person and this ultra-PC stuff just makes it seem like something to be ashamed of.

I have an autistic kid. OK? "I have a child with autism" sounds forced to me, in casual conversation.

[noamnety]

76. If that's the phrasing you've been raised with

it's understandable that a conscious change would feel forced.

I don't think that has to do with the merits or implications of one phrasing over the other so much as just the fact that we are most comfortable using familiar speech/linguistic patterns.

[madamesilverspurs]

14. Totally agree.

And the same could be said for the "derivatives" of the word - freeptard, libtard, etc. I've brought the argument to our local newspaper a couple of times; and have been castigated for being overly sensitive and ridiculously PC, by those who use the terms of course. But others have apologized for having used such terminology, and have now joined the effort to stop its use. We'll keep trying, hope you do likewise.

And thanks for your fine public service announcement!

[Tunkamerica]

16. So you have a problem with what an imaginary character

says in a work of fiction. Well, I think the holocaust was terrible therefore I won't see Schindler's List. Pedophilia is bad too, so Happiness is banned. If you won't see a movie because of what a character says or thinks or does then you obviously don't get the medium. There are people who say retard in the world, good or bad, this character is one of those people. It does not mean the writer or studio or director condone the use of such words. Have you ever seen a movie where a character kills another character? Do you condone murder? Ever seen a character hit a woman, or steal a car, kick a dog, or use foul language? All of these actions help form our opinion of the character. So, you hate that character. Great.


Actually, now that I think about it...nevermind. Think what you want. Hollywood hates children with disabilities.

[XOKCowboy]

23. Unless they can make money off of them

Like with Forrest Gump and Rain Man. Jeez folks this movie lampoons a movie industry that uses disabled children as props. That's the point.

[girl gone mad]

32. Yep.

I think it's a criticism aimed straight at the heart of an industry that profits off of disabled people with often superficial, less than honest characterizations. The joke is on Hollywood, not on the developmentally challenged.

I haven't seen the film, but from trailers, Downey's character seems to be an extremely politically incorrect idiot.

[fed_up_mother]

26. You don't get it. You're wasting your time.

If I call you a fag in a disparaging manner, don't you think that tells you something about what I think of gay folk?

I can see the word used in a movie by a very unsympathetic character. In fact, that character can use the word a dozen times and it wouldn't offend me. It's like when the jerk in a movie uses the "n" word or the word fag. You know it's wrong.

However, I personally wouldn't attend a movie if I knew that the main characters whom I'm supposed to think are funny (or like) would use disparaging language against people with disabilities just for laughs.

[Tunkamerica]

45. Just to use another Ben Stiller movie as an example

The main character of Zoolander is the protagonist and is shallow, stupid, self-centered has gasoline fights (and friends who smoke cigarettes during said fights), and is bulimic (i think, i haven't watched it in awhile). None of which are great character traits. It's a satirical look at the modelling world like this is a satirical look at Hollywood.

[lumberjack_jeff]

37. No, we have a problem how the non-imaginary movie company markets their film. n/t

[otohara]

19. Name Calling On Any Health Issue

is unacceptable.

I have polio, as a child kids called me gimp, cripple - as an adult, the internet for some reason has again brought out the mean child in many so-called-adults.

[grasswire]

20. thank you

A young woman in my family is taken right back to playground insults when she hears someone use the word "retard." She is mentally retarded, slightly, and yearns so not to be. Hearing that word used as an insult just re-traumatizes people who've been insulted with it for something they did not cause and can do nothing about.

[fed_up_mother]

28. And thank you for making it personal

Maybe it will help people to understand.

[grasswire]

61. She was very sad when Jon Stewart has used the word.

Everyone she knows is a big Stewart fan. He doesn't seem to know how much the word as an insult can hurt someone who hears it.

[lumberjack_jeff]

38. Exactly right. I know a number of people who have had to deal with this their whole lives.

You'd think that people would eventually grow up.

[EOTE]

21. I agree 100% with what you say.

I would never use the word and I would be horribly offended if anyone used it in my company. However, my disdain for that word would not prevent me from seeing a movie that featured it, even prominently. The sad truth is that there are a lot of ignorant people out there that still use that word. I don't see the point in pretending that they don't exist.

[tsuki]

22. My loving aunt, whom I regarded as a grandparent that I never had,

took care of my first cousin his entire life.

He did not breathe when born. His passages were cleared by the nurse, but he suffered brain damage.

My aunt took care of him. He is the most loving individual that I have ever known.

My aunt suffered through the depression. Her husband was a teamster when they were being persecuted by the Hoover regime.

I wrote about her death on DU, but my cousin is living happily.

This is thanks to a liberal agenda, not the RepubliKONs who would have abandoned him.

Pro-life, RepubliKONs? I don't think so.

[fed_up_mother]

63. I'm glad your cousin is doing well!

[tsuki]

69. Thank you. He is living with a caregiver that also has another person.

The caregiver is wonderful and paid by the state to provide a home.

[madrchsod]

27. my wife works with the mentally retarded and the mentally ill.

where i live we have always had a state or private instition for the mentally retarded.mentally challenged, or what ever "they" decide to "name" what they are this generation. it`s been children,patients,people,and now they are "clients"....

retard is as you say..very hurtful and deeming to those who live with this every day....they are people who are special if one takes the time to see.....

[Mnemosyne]

62. Here in PA everyone is now called, "consumers".

I kid you not.

Very telling of this society.

[cynatnite]

29. We used it all the time when we were kids...

we grew up and matured.

What we see in a movie, on TV, or on the internet doesn't make this kind of behavior okay. I think most folks are smart enough to know this.

[fed_up_mother]

30. Actually, some aren't

It's just a word.

You know...like fag and n_gger. :(

[abbeyco]

31. I worked for 3 years with DD clients

DD is developmentally delayed for the troglodytes that don't understand that retarded is a total slur; DD is an acceptable substitution - unless you mean it in a hurtful way, like the casual use of retard (r-word).

Although I work for another company now, my days with McDonald's, yes - the burger company - were the best days I ever spent. I worked 8 hours a day working with DD folks, paralyzed folks, blind folks and other folks with various afflictions (through no fault of their own, I might add) to learn how to handle a job, be employed and gain their own self-worth simply through having a job where they could contribute.

I was never prouder of my employees accomplishments - each and every one, 96 during the 3 years I managed this program - because they each overcame whatever disability they had to become a productive and valuable member of their McDonald's team.

Anyone using a slur like the r-word was re-educated by me, on the spot, about how hurtful and disrespectful that word was and that it had no value being used in the store.

I wish we could retire the r-word - it serves no useful purpose and when used without caution, can be extremely hurtful.

Just my .02

[fed_up_mother]

33. Personally, I think developmentally delayed is a ridiculous term

Delay implies that my child will catch up.

That's not going to happen. Imo, it's terms like that that give political correctness a bad name.

However, I want to say thank you so much for sharing your experience. I truly respect and value people like you. :) I wish we could clone you many times over!

ETA - I know there are children who truly are developmentally delayed, and I think the term is totally appropriate for them.

[lumberjack_jeff]

39. In my experience, "DD" means Developmental Disability. n/t

[fed_up_mother]

40. Thanks. :

However, abbeyco used the word delayed, and it seems quite acceptable to use that word for children like mine.

At my child's school, you wouldn't believe how many teachers refer to my child as developmentally DELAYED. Sometimes, I know that I must be looking at them as if they have two heads. It's not as if they don't know my child.

[lumberjack_jeff]

56. With kids, I think "delayed" is a good choice of words.

It does not place arbitrary expectations on their eventual capabilities.

My son certainly lags his peers in his social skills. It is not known to what degree this delay will cause a deficit as an adult.

[K8-EEE]

44. Agreed! I argued with an "autism professional" about that once

I'm like: Delayed? Like, the bus is delayed but the bus is coming and you will get to the same place, or the bus is not coming?

She really didn't like the analogy, but I don't like being talked down to either.

[fed_up_mother]

64. I totally agree.

Our children need to be treated with kindness and dignity, and given every chance to live up to their potential.

But using little euphemisms like "developmental delay" insults my intelligence. I know my child is not "delayed." So does everyone else. Lying about it makes it seem as if we should be ashamed of their real condition. Well, I'm not!

[abbeyco]

46. I'm sorry that your child will not ever catch up

However, I am still a strong advocate that the r-word should not ever be used to define either a person or a group of individuals that may be DD or otherwise afflicted, through no fault of their own.

I am just trying to impart the difficulties and barriers I had to cross in trying to integrate the DD or other disabled folks into the mainstream work at McDonald's. Not that they (Mickey D's) are the paragon of society, but they had a helluva program for folks, and I was lucky enough to have that job with these great employees for nearly 3 years.

I'd go back to that job in a heartbeat...

[miles 2 go]

41. My brother is mentally retarded

Mentally handicapped they say now but he knows he is retarded. I always cringe when I see it in a movie because he loves to watch them. I try not to let him see them but you don't always know everything that's in a movie before you see the whole thing.

On another note, I used to work at a home for mentally handicapped adults and the place use to be called _______Home for epileptics and idiots. THey have chains on the wall in the now unused 3rd floor. I guess compared to that retarded is not so bad. It's not acceptable at our house. When I take him to the doctor or anything like that I hand the doctor a note about his condition because I'm not going to stand there and talk about that part of him in front of him.

Anyway, I know that people using the term are just using a term and I don't get pissed at them, I just cringe and tell them to pick another word. My own kids forget sometimes.

What movie are we talking about by the way? I want to make sure I don't order it for him when it comes out.

[backscatter712]

42. Don't call Bush a retard

It's an insult to those who have developmental disabilities to compare that drunken psychopath to them.

[Lance_Boyle]

74. Hey now, alcoholism is a disease, and we should not disparage

those who suffer from it by using words such as "drunk" and "alkie," etc. Come to think of it, psycopathologies are also not choices - we should refrain from the use of terms like "psycho" as well, lest a person with other-than-normal psychological tendencies hear us and be offended.

[Alexander]

47. I don't like the word. But it seems like everyone, even older people, use it.

I expect it'll take a generation or two to phase this word out of popular use.

[alarimer]

48. And it seems to me that the blackface is not a real good idea either.

Who comes up with this shit? This movie just seems offensive all around.

[cherokeeprogressive]

49. 3150 hits on a DU search for FUCKTARD

I can't remember seeing a single instance of someone being called on using that term.

[fed_up_mother]

57. Most of us don't want to be the PC police.

I know I don't.

I just saw that a discussion was already taking place about the movie, so I decided now would be a good time to make my point.

Peace.

[donheld]

50. REPUBTARDS.

That's the problem.

[ZombieHorde]

53. My wife and I fostered a child with sever MR and Autism. (he is an adult now)

I know that that is nothing compared to your situation.

It gets under my skin when I hear it too, but I don't think that most people mean it that way. I don't think that they are bad people.

[jillan]

71. God bless you for doing that. That is truly wonderful.

[Cerridwen]

58. I read your post, I checked the date, I checked on what board I'm reading...

I resisted the urge to sit down and cry that this is even an issue in this day and on this board.

I read the replies and saw all those who have "bought" the conventional definition of "political correctness" even as many of those same posters know how the word "liberal" has been perverted and twisted out of all recognition of reality and use the old and worn out argument of PC "gone wild."

The theme from "The Twilight Zone" is perhaps appropriate here.

Dear fed_up_mother, I (currently) have no relationship(s) with any person(s) who is(are) mentally retarded.

I understand exactly what you are saying. I agree with you. I do not, do not, understand why anyone posting on this board would take the slightest issue regardless of their experiences or lack of experiences.

Thank you for posting this.

[fed_up_mother]

59. thank you.

We had no one with developmental disabilities in my family when I was growing up, yet we were never allowed to use that word as a pejorative, so
I didn't need to a adopt my child to know that this kind of language is hurtful. Yes, it does still amaze me that "retard" is acceptable to many people - the same people who would never use words like "f_g" or "n_gger." '

[Cerridwen]

60. You are most welcome.

I had the opposite upbringing...sort of.

I knew no one (who comes to mind quickly) with developmental disabilities. However, my dad used every pejorative in the book and I learned to wince in private. I can rattle off a list of horrifically prejudiced and offensive terms at "the drop of a hat." Kind of. They all make my stomach hurt. I heard them; I never accepted or adopted them. That was my dad's upbringing and he used the words he heard as a kid. I heard the words he used and felt ill.

In defense of my dad; he used the words in private and then fought for the rights of those about whom he used those words; he was a good union shop steward and head of the grievance committee during his brief years on this planet. It's not an excuse; just a description. His words never matched his actions; as I was able to see at his funeral.

I've learned to not always judge people by their words but by their actions. That doesn't mean I don't let them know that the words they are using are hateful or offensive; yeah, I told my dad that a few times, too. Those were fun family times. :sarcasm:

[jillan]

70. Thank you for this post. I too have a beautiful daughter with special needs.

Whenever I hear that word used, it makes my blood boil.


And for those of you that use that word to describe Bush - I got news for you, my daughter would do a much, much better job at running this country than he did...so DON'T insult her that way.


fed_up_mother.. I couldn't have said it any better. to you!

[ismnotwasm]

72. I was wondering what the movie threads were about

I hadn't opened any of them. I've used that term and I don't like myself for doing it. It's one of the words I've eliminated from my volcabulary as much as possible. My feeling is when a words used as perjoratives accumulate enough human suffering and pain, as this one has, I don't need to use it.

One more comment. At times--Not always, but at times, the "We've become too politically correct" attitude simply means to me "My right to be an asshole is being infringed upon" Fine y'all, be assholes. But don't pretend you're defending "freedom of speech" against the "moral police"

Just embrace your inner asshole and go with it. It'll do you good, and the rest of us can work on being civil to all human beings, instead of the ones we are comfortable with.

[fed_up_mother]

73. "Just embrace your inner asshole"

:rofl:

:rofl:

:rofl:


Yeah, we all have a right to be an asshole, but don't pretend you aren't being an asshole in the name of freedom of speech.

I respect your right to be an asshole. Go ahead.

Just don't think I admire you for using your precious freedom of speech to humiliate or make fun of someone!

[ismnotwasm]

75. A new "Movement'

"Inner Assholes Unite"

;-)

[aikoaiko]

77. What if a film mocked people who said such a thing?

What it be ok then?

[fed_up_mother]

81. Considering how stupid Americans are....I just don't care for it.

However, I'm not for censorship.

[KamaAina]

78. Many people with cognitive disabilities view "the R-word" as an offensive slur

similar to the N-word. How would people feel if the "movie within a movie" had the N-word in the title?

http://www.r-word.org

Self-advocates succeeded in getting the American Association for Mental Retardation to change its name! They staged a protest inside a large conference in DC in 2005, chanting "Change the name! Change the name!" And you know what? They changed the name.

http://www.aaidd.org/About_AAMR/history.shtml

Since 1876, the American Association on Intellectual and Developmental Disabilities (AAIDD) has been providing leadership in the field of mental retardation. AAIDD (formerly AAMR) is the oldest and largest interdisciplinary organization of professionals (and others) concerned about mental retardation and related disabilities.

Oops, they did it again... :eyes:

[krabigirl]

80. I'd never call anyone a "retard." The movie is supposed to be satire - pointed at Hollywood.