Update: father who left 9 kids at hospital says he was overwhelmed w/o his wife

[Liberal_in_LA]

http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5hlZbpXbUt5CbF3Ra6tEc-6uzzToAD93EIP981

Neb. dad who left 9 kids says he was overwhelmed
By TIMBERLY ROSS – 37 minutes ago

OMAHA, Neb. (AP) — An out-of-work widower who abandoned nine of his children at a hospital under Nebraska's new safe haven law said he was overwhelmed without his wife and just "fell apart." "I hope they know I love them," Gary Staton told KETV. "I hope their future is better without me around them."

The unique law allows caregivers to abandon babies and teenagers alike at hospitals without fear of prosecution. Originally intended to protect infants, it was expanded in a legislative compromise to protect any "child." Some have interpreted that to mean anyone under 19.

Staton anonymously left the five boys and four girls — ages 1 to 17 — at Creighton University Medical Center's emergency room on Wednesday night. He has a 10th child, a daughter who is 18 and was not dropped off.

A number of relatives have volunteered to take the siblings, said Kathie Osterman, a spokeswoman for the state department Health and Human Services.

Staff members were doing required background checks Friday in hopes of placing the children in the next few days, she said.

Staton said his wife died early last year, shortly after delivering their youngest child. He said he quit his job because of his family responsibilities but couldn't pay rent or utilities or take care of his kids.

[LisaM]

1. I kind of feel sorry for him, but

what on earth is compelling anyone, in this day and age, to have TEN kids? That's irresponsible.

[elocs]

7. How many children you have is a choice and choice is kind of a thing that Democrats support.

There are people for who it would be thought to be irresponsible for them to have even 1 child.

[NeedleCast]

15. You're right, it is a choice

but that doesn't make it any less irresponsible.

[elocs]

28. So who is it who gets to judge for all of us what choices me make are responsible or not?

Perhaps this man who is now overwhelmed with 9 children after the loss of his wife might have made a different choice all those years ago if he knew then what he knows now. None of us know his history or background. Hindsight is 20/20, especially for those who have lived perfect lives and can now sit in judgement upon others. Sad. Especially for Democrats. My list just got longer.

[eShirl]

32. having an opinion is now "sitting in judgement of others" ?

ok.......

[frylock]

33. i agree with you to some extent..

but would you feel the same for someone who bought ten cars? in the interest of full disclosure, this story absolutely breaks my heart and I have nothing but sympathy for this poor guy. it's a shame he had to use this option when it appears the family was more than willing to help. but desperate situations like this cause people to use poor judgement. i hope someday that he achieves some peace of mind.

[malaise]

46. Yes it was his choice and his wife's

but maybe she's still be alive if they didn't have 10 kids. And yes, I have nothing but sympathy for him. Abandoning your children must be the hardest thing to do.

[prayin4rain]

12. I feel sorry for him too

and i agree... just because you can have 10 children does not mean that you should. Before you undertake a responsibility that big you damn sure need to make sure you can handle it. Poor babies :(

[lapislzi]

23. There is no "but"

While I agree that having 10 kids is irresponsible, my heart goes out to this family. No "buts" about it. I hope he and his family find peace.

[depakid]

59. Agreed, That's just irresponsible. Period

probably a fundie who has problems with birth control.

[elocs]

2. How about a bailout for this guy?

At least he was responsible enough to take his children to a hospital. Under the circumstances I could see how he might be overwhelmed with 9 kids ranging from a baby to teenager.

[ColbertWatcher]

40. NO kidding. Another victim of GOP policies. n/t

[Betsy Ross]

3. Heart breaking

Skip the "shouldn't have had so many kids" retort. The same despair happens to families with fewer children and two parents. This is a tragedy for all the family members.

[Gman]

4. There will be those that beat him up for having "too many kids"

but you can't second guess someone like this at a time like this. It's too late. The kids are here. They've also lost their mother.

At most, hopefully someone else will take note of what happened in this case and do better planning for their own kids.

[EFerrari]

8. There is no tragedy great enough to prevent someone here

from blaming the people who feel it the most.

[pennylane100]

25. Unfortunately, those who feel it the most,

are often the one's who are responsible for it. Certainly it is heartbreaking for this family, including the father, but the fact remains that it was a tragedy that a little birth control and self control may have prevented.

[EFerrari]

27. See? Gosh, I hope none of you are social engineers. n/t

[orleans]

9. yes, i'm one of them. how horrible for all these children. but i'm

beating up the father.

[anigbrowl]

22. He's screwed up, but least he didn't abuse or shoot them

10 kids? I guess they're Catholic or something like that. Some people are intensely family-oriented that way. For all we know it might have been working fine up until his wife died and then he fell apart. I find that easy to understand. Seems to me he was trying to do the responsible thing even if he wasn't too clear on how to go about it; he might have expected that social services would take his kids away anyhow.

I think we can do without this kind of 'Nancy Grace' blame game of issuing vindictive judgments of people about whom we know almost nothing.

[orleans]

31. nancy grace? just remember that the next time YOU cast judgment

or give an unpopular opinion

i feel sorry for the kids--not this guy. those children are his responsibility--he's supposed to be their PARENT--why the hell can't be behave like one.

i don't have a lot of sympathy for people who don't take care of their kids. maybe you do. i don't.

if he had half a fucking heart he could have called some friends/relatives for some help. but no. he dumps them off at a hospital. let's see...put yourself in the shoes of the kids--HOW DO YOU FEEL NOW?

[anigbrowl]

35. I know perfectly well how I feel about it

Some people have difficulty coping with a crisis and make irrational decisions under the stress. You make it sound like he deposited them there so he could enjoy a weekend in Vegas.

[orleans]

50. oh, is that where he was going?

He never asked for help, the children's maternal grandmother said Thursday. "Had he, this would not have happened," she said. "They're good kids, and they don't deserve this.

"We won't abandon them like he did."

Wright's daughter, Andrell Robinson, saw the man at midday Thursday.

He was with a woman that Robinson understood to be his girlfriend, she said.

And he was packing a blue suitcase into his car.

http://www.omaha.com/index.php?u_page=2798&u_sid=10443272

yeah, girlfriends usually help people cope with a "crisis" (if that's what you call having 10 kids) especially when you're going on a little trip.

[EFerrari]

41. You have no idea what he did or didn't do. n/t

[orleans]

51. well, now i know this....

He never asked for help, the children's maternal grandmother said Thursday. "Had he, this would not have happened," she said. "They're good kids, and they don't deserve this.

"We won't abandon them like he did."

Wright's daughter, Andrell Robinson, saw the man at midday Thursday.

He was with a woman that Robinson understood to be his girlfriend, she said.

And he was packing a blue suitcase into his car.
http://www.omaha.com/index.php?u_page=2798&u_sid=10443272

(i understand a law that allows for newborns/infants to be left at hospitals, fire stations etc for whatever reason--but when you have a family--a family of children who you've lived with for years and you just drop them off at a hospital because...?? how do you "abandon" all these children?)

[gollygee]

14. And his wife just died - their circumstances would have been different before that

It would be hard to lose someone you'd been with that long even with one or two kids, or even with none, but he's in emotional pain and financial pain. Some of the financial problems could have been caused by illness (if she's recently died) and by the new need for childcare, which would cost a fortune for those many kids. Anyone here could have circumstances change. All I feel is compassion. I wish he could find help and be able to keep his family together. This was very common historically, and if we do fall into another big depression might become more common again.

[Gman]

45. You make an excellent point about The Depression

This was common during the Depression. You reminded me that I have distant relatives that apparently did the same thing with their 6 or 7 kids, according to my now elderly aunts and uncles who remember when it happened. People that could not afford their kids simply put them up for adoption. It's not that they didn't love them, but they did it out of love hoping for a better life for them.

[orleans]

5. 9 kids? 9 kids? (10 if you count the 18 year old)

maybe he should have thought about this before having so many children--? (i know, i'm cold & heartless--and i do not think nicely of this man)

[elocs]

11. You know, I was going to write a reply, but I think I'll just put you on my ignore list.

You just are worth reading or bothering with. A lot of Republicans where I live express that exact same kind of sentiment. Congratulations for being in such "good" company.

[orleans]

26. .

whatever --apparently you are more holier than thou. piss off

[AzDar]

6. This breaks my heart. Sometimes people just need some fucking help..

[Hekate]

10. Talk about a cry for help. He sounds suicidal with that line...

"I hope their future is better without me around them."

There was no safety net for this family, was there? I hear the echo of Ebenezer Scrooge: "Are there no prisons? Are there no workhouses?" :cry:

Hekate

[uppityperson]

13. Thanks for the update. That poor family. I'm glad there was this option at least.

[Blue_Tires]

16. now that we know his side of the story, i'm not trying to judge, BUT

10 kids? and the 10th kills the mother in childbirth? Where are the friends or extended family???

IMO, if you cannot survive even a year on your own before throwing in the towel and ditching the whole lot, then i'm willing to bet the financial/domestic situation wasn't all that rosy even when the wife was still alive...Dude is in his 50s -- wasn't there any forward planning done with the wife about what would happen if disaster strikes? And I don't care what the story is, leaving them ALL speaks more about the father than his hardships...In extreme cases, i could understand leaving maybe the two youngest, but this is insane...

In my past life as a reporter, I wrote a profile on a woman widowed with 15 kids in suburban D.C. -- married in their early 20s, this couple had a single baby EVERY year for 15 years, and probably would have continued had the father not dropped dead of a heart attack at 39. I know every situation is different, but this woman had friends and family to help out, and the household was structured so every kid had specific chores, and a responsibility to look out for someone younger while the mother worked during the day.

I would hope the father in Nebraska at least tried to arrange something like that while keeping his job, which was the only source of income. I mean, damn...You're the ONLY breadwinner, and you QUIT your job? I know he was undergoing some kind of deep depression, but this was not the way to deal with it...At least he didn't drown them in the bathtub...

[Vinca]

17. That is so sad. My mother died when I was a little kid and my dad

nearly left my brother and I at an orphanage because he couldn't cope. Fortunately, we had family that stepped up to the plate. Not everyone is so lucky. I'm sure this poor man had the best interests of his kids at heart.

[Hekate]

57. My father and his sibs spent a number of years in an orphanage for similar reasons

Their dad couldn't cope with such young children, and the grandparents tried but were basically too old.

Hekate

[deadparrot]

18. That's really sad.

I feel for him. And I can at least applaud him that, if he was truly at his breaking point, for dropping them off in a safe location instead of turning violent.

[DrZeeLit]

19. Hellloooo... just such a situation is WHY I AM A LIBERAL... this man needs help, not judgement.

When I think of CHOICE, I think of the open communication that might be possible between family members, intimate partners, doctors and patients, and the various political parties.

The number of children is irrelevant.
We stand for HOPE.
We stand for CHANGE.
We stand for DIGNITY.
We stand for EQUALITY.
We stand for COMMUNITY.

This man is a member of our community. In time of need, he needs help. We are DEMOCRATS because we believe in HELPING, not COMDEMNING those who are struggling, those who are less fortunate, those who cannot lead dignified lives without help.

Some call it a handout. Some call it welfare. Some call it illegal or immoral.
CHOICE.
He and his wife made made choices. And we support their right to make those choices.
Just as we support the right of a teenage mother to abort or carry her child -- father of that child present or not. And we support this woman further with appropriate counseling and health care if we can. And most of us would like to see that as a universal health care.
Just as we support the right of parents to terminate a difficult pregnancy -- or not. And we support those parents with counseling and good health care (again that choice would only be enhanced by universal health care). And should the pregnancy be taken to term, and should that child be born with disabilities, we DEMOCRATS are advocates for EVERY CHILD'S right to be educated and cared for in a society that does not shun someone who is different.

Right now that man is HURTING. And we are the true COMPASSIONATE party. We have fought and bled for welfare and unemployment insurance and minimum wage and good schools and programs that could help him through this crisis.

He is unemployed, overwhelmed, and depressed.

We DEMOCRATS have fought for the rights of those who are indigent, overwhelmed, mentally ill, unprepared for life's challenges -- that they are not shunned forever by an unforgiving society.

If we don't stand up for this guy, no matter what his background or party or religion, we aren't who we say we are.
You won't see the Republicans offering health care, welfare, job sharing, rent-controlled housing, school loans, food stamps, and low-cost public transportation.

But we stand for all of those safety nets.
WE
ARE
PROUD
LIBERAL
DEMOCRATS.

and don't you forget it!!

This is what DEMOCRACY looks like!

[LisaM]

29. The number of children is absolutely NOT irrelevant

He just dumped 9 kids on the taxpayers of Nebraska - and one is 17 years old. Can you imagine the humiliation, self-blame, and misery the older kids are feeling? I understand that he needs help, but it sounds as if there ARE family members, and he did not go to them. He took advantage of a new law, and abandoned his entire family, including kids who are old enough to be permanently scarred.

[Gwendolyn]

34. That's what I was thinking...

... as much as it hurts and bewilders the babies, the older kids must be absolutely heartbroken and devastated since they do understand what's happening. I couldn't imagine being left behind by either one of my parents; it must be among the worst experiences one can live.

And I can't believe there are NO social services, even in our bare pantry rethug environment, available to keep this family together. It almost doesn't make sense. :-(

[EFerrari]

43. If I were that father, I'd run not walk to someone like you

to help me figure this out. :sarcasm:

[LisaM]

49. I'm a helpful person, not sure what your point is.

I think this sounds like an irresponsible person, not to mention parent. He also seems to have relatives who are willing to help, but instead of going to them, he embarrassed his entire 'quiverfull' or whatever you want to call them, by taking them to a hospital and abandoning them - which means that now they have to go through whatever red tape is associated with Nebraska state law to get placed into any care, even within the family. I looked up how much money a foster kid costs the system. The information I found (from 2006) was $40,000 a year. That's a $360,000 burden on the taxpayers for one year alone, and some of those children are young, and could be in the system for years.

Actions have consequences.


I will say that I have thought about this a lot today, ever since this story was posted. If this was a hundred years ago, the father would almost certainly have re-married, probably within a year of his first wife's death. I'm certainly not suggesting that this guy go find another woman to impregnate every 22 months or whatever gap there was between his kids. I find it very odd that he didn't somehow find a family member to help.

[wickerwoman]

54. Whereas if he'd shot himself in the head because of the pressure

they'd be so much better off. It's not like they would have been scarred from finding his body.

And if he'd beaten up or killed some of the younger ones, that wouldn't have scarred the older ones.

This guy was in a shit situation and he made the best call he could. He probably could handle things before his wife died and then the family disintegrated. And so what if there are family members? I have thirteen aunts and uncles and more than forty cousins and I wouldn't go to any of them to borrow money or ditch my kids. I've hardly spoken to any of them since I was 18 and can't name most of them because we lived on the other side of the country.

The point is that you don't know the specifics of his situation. Everybody is alive and relatively safe and in a situation like this, I call that a blessing.

[Hekate]

58. Exactly, some parents kill themselves and take their kids with them when they can no longer cope

Then it's in all the news from coast to coast and everyone says, "Oh what a tragedy. Why didn't anyone step in and help? Why didn't the mom or dad reach out for help?"

Our social safety net is in tatters in this country. Sure I don't think this man and his wife "should" have had 10 kids, but the kids are HERE, and they need help. Few people in our mobile society actually have that many relatives to turn to in crisis, and generally the relatives have troubles of their own.

Hekate

[kestrel91316]

20. I feel sorry for the wife, who perhaps was bred to death.

[gollygee]

24. You don't feel sorry at least for the children too?

In most families with that many children, the mom and dad are in agreement about having large families. I don't think it's fair to assume that it's something he forced on her against her will.

[LisaM]

21. I do feel sorry for him.

But I still don't think people should be having ten kids. Now we will all pay for his choice. And how do you think the kids feel? I feel sorriest for them.

[shraby]

30. Whether anyone thinks he and his wife should

have had 10 kids or not is immaterial. What they decided to do is not my business, I just hope the community where he lives can come together and help keep his family together. It's bad enough for them (father and children) to lose their mother, but to lose each other because of it is just not acceptable.

[yardwork]

36. Why did he have ten children?

His wife died in childbirth delivering her 10th child. What the hell did he think would happen?

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

37. In some circles, people are incredibly pressured to have as many children as possible

Like, God-hates-you-if-you-don't pressured.

See the so-called "Quiverfull Movement".

This man is a victim, just like the mother and the children.

[yardwork]

38. He seems to be a very troubled person. The whole story is sad.

[EFerrari]

42. Maybe his collapse is temporary and someone will help him

sort this out. It's enough to break your heart.

My dad's dad did just about the same thing. His wife died, he was overwhelmed and my dad and his two sibs wound up in foster care. Dad still can't really tell me the whole story.

There are stories that are too painful to tell, I guess. My dad had six kids. Now, that is an act of faith.

[readmoreoften]

39. Boy I'm sure glad Dennis Kucinich's parents chose to have a bunch of kids. 7 isn't it?

People will have kids. Obviously his wife didn't believe in abortion. Maybe she wanted a large family.

[EFerrari]

44. We should be grateful these authoritarians aren't fire fighters!

"You shouldn't have bought wood furniture."

"You should have predicted that powerline would come down."

"Grease? You should have never cooked on that stove."

[readmoreoften]

55. I'm actually okay with managing population growth but not AFTER THE FACT.

Comments like "well, the deaths of millions of brown people in XYZ natural disaster is just nature's way of cutting the dead weight." Or "I'm sick of people having kids they can't afford." These statements are pure racist and classist bullshit. The reason why people are poor is because someone took the damned money they worked for. So is it okay if the CEO has 10 kids?

Well, heck, I'm sick of people not being able to get abortions they can't afford??!! WTF? There is nothing immoral about having multiple children, but I also see the necessity in some cases of a people saying "Our population growth is exploding, by 2030 we'll all starve. We need to limit population growth to 2-3 kids per family. Free abortions, vasectomies, and birth control for all as needed." I think one kid per family is cruel and also a bad idea.

But as far as I know, we're not going through any population crises, so I find it bizarre to fault people for having children.

[EFerrari]

61. At bottom, that's my objection, too.

I have this bad habit of wanting to just deal with now. lol

[TXDemGal]

47. The Neb. legislation was negligently written

The Nebraska legislators who wrote the state's "safe haven" law should really be strung up. Unlike other states that have a stated age limit in their safe haven laws (i.e., in Pennsylvania, parents can surrender and infant up to 28 days old), the Nebraska law uses the world "child" with no age stated. Consequently, the law has been interpreted to include children up to age 19. While I don't know the legislative history of Nebraska's law, I would have to say the open-endedness is just plain irresponsibility on the part of the state's lawmakers. One article I read had one lawmaker saying that IF any additional older kids are abandoned, the legislature may have to revisit the law. I'll be dollars to doughnuts that if 19 kids have already been abandoned since this past July, the next one(s) won't be long in coming.

Incidentally, Nebraska and ALASKA were the very last states in the U.S. to enact safe haven laws.

[shanti]

60. yes

in california, the safe haven law is for NEWBORNS, and meant for them only, imo. shoot, if it was for any older children, you'd see teens being dropped off in droves!

[TXDemGal]

48. Dupe n/t

[a kennedy]

52. So sad

:cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:

[Nikia]

53. I think that it is better that he abandoned them

Yes maybe an adult man who chose to have 10 children should be more responsible, but he believed that he was unable to be responsible enough to be a decent father in his circumstances. Given that fact, it was better that he abandoned them in a way that he knew that they'd be taken care of rather than turning to abuse or neglect, which may have caused his children to be taken away from him anyway.
I think that in cases where the child is older that it would be better for the parent who feels unable to take care of his and/or her children to talk to a case worker first to see if there are any alternative solutions, but in some cases it might be the best thing for both the parent(s) and child(ren) for them to be permanently separeated.

[Blue Diadem]

56. There's another update. Parental background + Dad was seen leaving with his girlfriend & suitcase

Thanks to poster Gwendolyn

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=389&topic_id=4098055&mesg_id=4100033

http://www.omaha.com/index.php?u_page=2798&u_sid=10443272

snip:

The couple married at age 18 after their first daughter was born. By 2004, they had nine children.

That March, police officers removed the children from the home. Court records detail the family's troubles:

Officers found a broken septic tank and containers of human waste. The family had had no gas in the home since April 2003 and no water since June 2003.

The officers also found three dogs, four cats, two rabbits, 12 caged mice, two salamanders and one lizard.

A judge ordered the parents to find decent housing, keep a clean home and get jobs.

much more here:

http://www.omaha.com/index.php?u_page=2798&u_sid=10443272