A Matter of Choice

[NanceGreggs]

I’ve decided to become gay. My life has been pretty boring lately and – since it is a matter of choice – I’m choosing to be a lesbian from here on in. I think it will really spice up my life.

It’ll be so much fun! I can start worrying about discrimination on the job because of my sexual orientation, losing friends who I thought loved me for myself when they find out I’m not like them – and, with any luck, I can get thrown out of a church or two when the word gets around.

I just know I’m going to enjoy being harassed, called names, and being the punchline of incredibly tasteless jokes. Add in the humiliation I’ll be subjected to and – well, it just doesn’t get any funner than that.

I think that’s why so many people choose the homosexual lifestyle these days – just a bunch of folks looking to live the lighter side of discrimination, a chance to get in there and be treated like a scourge on society. No doubt it has its moments of hilarity – like being a leper.

You know, I distinctly recall the day I decided to be straight – remember it like it was yesterday. I looked at males and females and thought, “Well, which way am I going to go here?” I decided on being attracted to males – but now I’m thinking maybe it wasn’t the right choice.

Maybe I should have given it more thought before plunging into a lifetime of societal acceptability, able to live as blatantly an immoral and adulterous life as I wanted to – and still be deemed as totally upright and God-fearing, because at least I wasn’t one of them.

After all, this is a decision most of us make when we’re very young – before we’ve weighed all the options of being completely accepted by society and being treated as second-class citizens. You can see how we might not choose as wisely as we might.

What’s really unfortunate is that we, as a nation, do not celebrate the day individuals make their choice, as surely it is a momentous occasion for each of us. In fact, I’d like to know the day people like Jerry Falwell, Pat Robertson and Rick Warren made their decision to be straight, so we can all mark our calendars and celebrate along with them – and, given their prominence, perhaps treat their Day of Choice like a national holiday, complete with parties, costumes and parades! (Okay, maybe not parades.)

I’m particularly looking forward to the legal battles that lay ahead.

I mean, honestly, who wouldn’t choose to be in a position where they have to fight continually for the same rights their fellow citizens are afforded without question?

Who wouldn’t choose to live their every waking hour concerned about not being able to visit their life’s partner in a hospital, or not being able to adopt a child without jumping through bureaucratic hoops that straight people never have to concern themselves with?

And then, of course, there’s the inescapable lure and intrigue of The Gay Agenda. I’ve always wanted to know what that agenda actually is, and now I’ll be a part of it! (I think it has something to do with turning everybody gay – but I’m not going to second-guess anything until I receive my first Official Memo on the topic.)

So this is why I’ve chosen to be gay. If it doesn’t turn out well, I’ll just choose to be straight again. Or maybe I'll just choose to be a hypocritical bigot, 'cause there's a group that accepts anybody, no credentials - other than being a complete asshole - required.

God, you’ve got to love a country where such things are a matter of choice, and we all get to choose being afforded equal rights and protection under its laws – or not!

[chucktaylor]

1. I chose to be heavily laden with gin.

[Divine Discontent]

6. do your parents know what you really are?

was it hard coming out with this admission that you are the one who chose to be Gin-laden?

We love you and not the sin, but we have ex-Gin Ministries set up to correct this problem - please be aware, you cannot bring any tumblers or shot glasses to the classes, it's for your reparative healing, and you'll thank us later!

[Soylent Brice]

55. word.

[Bette Noir]

2. Remember that interview , the one where Warren talked about

How promiscuous gay men are, and how he'd like to have sex with every beautiful woman he sees, while ogling the interviewer? I think he was jealous.

Good luck on your fun-filled foray into gaydom!

[bjobotts]

47. Warren, Robertson and Falwell all decided to be white.Only one still hides it.

[dysfunctional press]

3. from a guy's perspective, that seems like a pretty easy choice for a woman...

it's the one i'd make if i were female.

[readmoreoften]

9. I hear that from a straight woman's perspective, they totally get the gay male "choice" too...

since it's the one they make.

[humbled_opinion]

60. I think there is a certain

Beauty to it. There is nothing more beautiful then two women loving and exploring each other sexually. Think about it.

[bigbrother05]

4. k&r (#1), Not that there's anything wrong with it

[Divine Discontent]

5. "No doubt it has its moments of hilarity – like being a leper." - righteous!

You cannot be a Lesbian, you have to get a sex change so I can be with you, of course, then you'd have to choose to go back to liking men - this is so confusing of an idea, so I'll let YOU choose what you are even though it's SO MUCH FUN to be a BIGOT and tell you what you really are and why you're thinking that way!

Wow, what a power trip it is to tell someone that I'm all knowing and have determined why they're really Gay is that they CHOSE it!

K&R

[tavalon]

7. Out of the park yet again

That was great. Obvious, yes, but so well written, who gives a fuck that the premise that we don't choose is so obvious.

[NMDemDist2]

8. Can I have JeffR then?

since you won't be using him anymore and all.

:evilgrin:

[NanceGreggs]

29. Boy, you didn't waste any time, did ya?

:rofl:

[NMDemDist2]

36. I know a good deal when I see it

:evilgrin:

[Breeze54]

10. Welcome back to the Progressive way of thinking....

Outstanding OP.

:kick: & Recommended

BTW?
How's life going as a Canadian citizen these days?
Are you getting close to booting out Harper? :shrug:

[NanceGreggs]

30. I hadn't noticed that I'd ever left ...

I'm an American citizen, not Canadian - but if they choose to boot Harper out, I'll be glad to hold the door open nice and wide ...

[Divine Discontent]

49. Kick! I LOL'd when I saw your response, because, I too, thought you'd never left :)

breeze must have you confused with another DUer, because I don't I know a more opened minded person on this site.

[readmoreoften]

11. Sweet OP. Thanks.

Thanks for clarifying. When my neighbor came over to welcome my partner and I to the neighborhood, he mentioned that he too "was a freak", asked us for a threesome, and told my partner that she looked like she would perform excellent fellatio (which horrified a straight male friend of ours who overheard--yes this neighbor said all this with witnesses, normal as pancakes on Sunday morn--since my partner is hard butch and looks like she'd win a "least likely to perform fellatio without punching you in the face first" award...) Welcome to the neighborhood! So much for apple brown betty on the porch. :shrug:

A few months earlier, another guy blocked me in my driveway and remarked that he, too, was interested in a threesome, and that "everybody knew what we did" in there. What? They knew we argued about which movies to watch (I don't like romantic comedies)? They knew we were producing a script together? That we were putting in new floors?

Basically, being a lesbian is like perpetually being open for sexual abuse--even more than straight women--because your life is reduced to sex acts (heck, usually sex acts that we don't even engage in...)

That being said, I'm perfectly happy being gay. I'd rather deal with the constant staring, ridicule, sexualization, below-the-law status, and threats of violence than be without my partner and living a lie.

[Breeze54]

12. What about the goats?

:sarcasm:

:P

:hi:

[Deja Q]

18. That was baaaaaaaaaaaaad.

:rofl:

[The Doctor.]

20. She was just goating you.... and you fell for it.

[tomreedtoon]

13. The only great line from the sitcom "Julia."

That was Diahann Carroll's 1968 sitcom, the first one starring a black woman not playing a stereotype. She applies to be a nurse on the phone with a cranky but loveable old white doctor played by Lloyd Nolan. Here's the dialog from the pilot episode that kind of applies to the OP:

Julia Baker: Did they tell you I'm colored?
Dr. Chegley: What color are you?
Julia Baker: Wh-hy, I'm Negro.
Dr. Chegley: Have you always been a Negro, or are you just trying to be fashionable?

Exactly. Being a lesbian is fashionable, including the angst expressed in the letter. I get tired of people wanting to be "special" by adopting the latest trends. What's the next fashionable move? Dying of heroin overdose? That would insure that your post-mortem albums would get great sales.

[shirlden]

14. Ah, yes, I remember it well

My Lesbian Choice day was in the spring of 1948. First day of softball practice and there she was..........the new first baseman..........I was instantly in total puppy love.
I'm 73 now and still a lesbian and never regret my "choice", though it has been hard at times.
The first baseman and I went our separate ways, but I still remember my first love, fondly.

Thanks, Nancy, and welcome to our secret world. We promise to treat you gently.

:pals:

[1776Forever]

15. But But Dr Warren said that homosexuality is not a natural way of life and thus not a human right.

"We shall not tolerate this aspect at all," Dr Warren said.

Quote from this article by Bruce Wilson http://www.huffingtonpost.com/bruce-wilson/warren-endorsed-nigerian_b_153412.html

Guess you didn't contact Rev. Rick before you made the "choice" - better rethink this.

:sarcasm:

[The Doctor.]

19. That's right... just like being a murderer, a child rapist,

a zoophile, a kleptomaniac... it's an unnatural urge that threatens the whole of civilization!

errr.... somehow. :sarcasm:

[Lost River Ledger]

16. Okay...Here's how it works.....

It's like AMWAY, just spelled differently....yes the obvious and not to be confused with www.amgay.com.....Once a person has "bought into" the homosexual lifestyle and, of course, the agenda, then he/she proceeds to recruit others. Now,this is why everyone wants to join.....you get a piece of his/her action and everyone that he/she signs up.....sort of an "all the world's a banquet, blah blah blah" take on it.

This of course means that you are constantly having sex, having children (sex for future generations), adopting children (more sex for future generations), taking in foster children (even more sex for future generations), joining the military (sex for freedom lovers whose wives/husbands don't put out in a combat zone and defending the right for future generations to have sex), rescuing pets from shelters (sorry pastor warren, no sex to found here, just altruism) marrying (sex for polygamists), committing adultery (cuz we are that much like straight folks), divorcing (so we can legitimize our adultery (cuz,yes, we are that much like straight folks)and of course, joining churches and/or religious orders (much sex in the closet and on knees).

Now, be fruitful all and multiply......

[Deja Q]

17. I'll choose for whom I will sleep with.

Forgive me for choosing quality over quantity.

[The Doctor.]

21. I know that tune...

and I've very much enjoyed sharing it with people who've never felt the beat.

Very nice.

[Faygo Kid]

22. I remember exactly where I was when I made my choice.

First grade, 1957, young teacher showed up in heels. I decided to be straight right then and there; she was hot. (I actually do remember her, but of course "choice" had nothing to do with it.)

Excellent column showing how absurd the whole "choice" assertion is, and how it has been grievously misused to punish our fellow citizens and deprive them of their basic civil rights. Recommended.

[Harry Monroe]

63. "I've got it bad, so bad!! I'm hot for teacher!!"

Van Halen "Hot for Teacher" from the album "1984"

I know what you mean. I remember some hot, young female teachers I fantasized about when I was in grade school as well.

[Richd506]

23. I've chosen to do both

Either way's fine with me. I mostly like girls but if I'm in the right mood, a little gayness can be fun.

[Bjorn Against]

24. K&R

Great job once again Nance.

[Political Tiger]

25. K & R!

:kick:

[ccharles000]

26. kick

[tbyg52]

27. In a rational world,

simply asking these idiots when *they* made their "choice" would cause the scales to drop from their eyes.

[we can do it]

28. Fantastic - as usual

I always look forward to your work.....

[CaliforniaPeggy]

31. Out of the park, my dear Nance, out of the park!

You put a fork in those gay-bashers...now they're done, for sure!

Thanks...

K&R

:hug:

[eppur_se_muova]

32. Hey! What do you have against parades? nt

:evilgrin:

[ColbertWatcher]

33. How YOU doin'?

Kick and rec.

Nicely put.

[kleec]

34. Choice?

Thank you for presenting the absolute foolishness of the 'choice' thing that those that fear 'other' in any form are trying to shove down our throats. Humans are humans period and all deserve equal rights and civil rights. These people are truly afraid and want to spread that to every corner of this country. The religious right and their choice of how they believe can stay right where it belongs, in their hate filled garbage heaps.

I love your rants.

[BrklynLiberal]

35. Another great essay..thanks. Isn't it ironic that those same people who feel that being gay IS a

choice that we can make, would also like deny to us those choices that we feel we SHOULD be able to make?

hmmmm something very strange going on there if you ask me.

[Oldtimeralso]

37. Come On Nance., I've Been Told It is a Genetic Predisposition

From the maternal side. A good friend of mine told me his mother made him a homosexual,so I asked if I would buy the material would she make me one too.

[rhett o rick]

40. lol. Is it still "hip" to say lol? nm

[shirlden]

52. Old gay joke

On the bathroom wall in Brady's Bar, New Orleans, 1978
"My mother made me a lesbian."
"If I buy the material, will she make me one too??"

Best wall for gay graffiti in the US. Sad that it is now gone
Did I just date myself????

[Harry Monroe]

62. If you date yourself, I think you'd be called a "monosexual"

[rhett o rick]

38. Apparently a lot more are making the choice. Just today my 91 y/o mother-in-law said that it seems

like there are a lot more gay people these days. I told her I thought it was something in the water. Won't the American Taliban come unglued, they had a cat over floride.

[Toasterlad]

39. Don't Forget Being Told By a Bunch of "Liberals" That You're Over-reacting on a Regular Basis.

That's one of the perks, too.

[Starry Messenger]

41. beautiful. rec.

[Sandrine for you]

42. What about some abortion on the Day of Choice ?

[hunter]

43. Gay sex can make you pregnant??? OMG!!!

I never knew.

[Sandrine for you]

56. LOL ....Well first you get pregnant, after on the Day of Choice you

decide to become a lesbian with an abortion, one, and two, if you can.

[grantcart]

44. So that means now I have to get a sex change to have any chance at all?

OK its worth it.

[ooglymoogly]

45. The day I realized I was gay was when I realized I would have to

pretend I was someone else the rest of my life if I did not choose to just be myself even if I had to endure the slings and arrows and torment. Choosing to be something you are not is not really an option if you value your sanity. Nice post kr.

[wiley]

46. You've convinced me!

I'm choosing to be gay for the physical abuse, as well as the verbal threats I'll receive from those who chose to be heterosexuals. I could never stand by and think oh he's just acting like a normal guy when my friends decided that the whole world revolved around their talking about what women they want to fuck, what women they have fucked, what women would love to fuck them, and the women they would hang around with with the expectation of at least allowing a complimentary BJ to be performed. Some women just don't rate above that level and that always bothered me anyway. It's best I choose to be gay, for sure.

[DRoseDARs]

48. Since you've been converted, who gets the toaster oven?

Methinks Ellen DeGeneres has enough of them. ;)

[theFrankFactor]

50. Nance, I Love You

K&R

[Mad_Dem_X]

51. Perfect. I'll have to pass this along.

Brilliant, as always, Nance.

[stillwaiting]

53. And today I'm choosing to become straight

After a lifetime of "choosing" to be gay, I am now choosing to be straight!! Oh happy days!

I can haz wrights now??!

My partner of 11 years doesn't know yet. Boy will HE be surprised!!

Seriously though, thanks Nance for your support. ;-)

[NanceGreggs]

54. Thanks, stillwaiting ...

... and welcome to DU!

:hi:

[GrannyK]

57. Error: you can only recommend threads which were started in the past 24 hours

:(
This is a Great Post!

[The Wizard]

58. A choice

"In fact, I’d like to know the day people like Jerry Falwell, Pat Robertson and Rick Warren made their decision to be straight, so we can all mark our calendars and celebrate along with them – and, given their prominence, perhaps treat their Day of Choice like a national holiday, complete with parties, costumes and parades! (Okay, maybe not parades.)"

They made conscious decisions to be lying thieving bigots who appeal to the worst fears and lowest instincts as a means to bilk the ignorant and weak minded. They set the tone for the Republican jihad that has poisoned the political well with divisive Machiavellian obscenity.
These fuckers need to have the shit beat out of them for spreading hatred for personal gain. Hatred is not a family value.

[newamericanpatriot]

59. Wow! Was that supposed to be witty?

It almost was.

[Harry Monroe]

61. If I were a woman, I would also most definitely be a lesbian!!

B-)