Eminent Family Scholar Overlooks 67 Million Americans (it's called Singleism)

[Triana]

By Bella DePaulo, Ph.D. on September 12, 2008 in Living Single

Last Sunday, the eminent scholar of family life, Andrew Cherlin, published an op-ed in the Washington Post. The Presidential and Vice-Presidential candidates, he observed, "spent an inordinate amount of precious convention time introducing us to their loved ones." What really impressed him about those loved ones, though, was not the time devoted to them but their diversity. There were step-families, a pregnant teen, an adopted child, a candidate who was previously divorced, and one who was previously widowed, among others. Maybe someday, he mused, a gay or lesbian candidate will stand on a convention stage and give a grateful shout-out to their same-sex partner.

The diversity of the candidates' loved ones, Cherlin also noted, is a lesson in the diversity of contemporary American households.

Here's another lesson: Cherlin's picture of potential candidates has a hole in it that is 67 million Americans deep. That's the number of adults who are divorced or widowed (and not remarried) or who have always been single, and who do not live with kids. No such persons were represented in Cherlin's tableau.

Sixty-seven million is not the total number of single people in contemporary American society. To get that number, you need to add another 13 million single parents and another 6 million same-sex or different-sex couples (so, 12 million people) who are cohabiting. That gives you the grand total of 92 million unmarried Americans.

When will we see an unmarried candidate on a Democratic or Republican ticket, or even in an op-ed that is supposedly about diversity?

...


MORE:

http://blogs.psychologytoday.com/blog/living-single/200809/eminent-family-scholar-overlooks-67-million-americans

[lostnotforgotten]

1. Try Single Unmarried Atheist - Like That Would Ever Happen In This Most Bigoted Country

eom

[Triana]

2. OMG. I can't imagine it.

...never happen here. Not for a LOOOONNNG time.

Personally, I'd be THRILLED (as long as (s)he wasn't a Republican) - but the rest of the country would never go for it. Too insecure about their status quo.

[whistler162]

19. WOW... you are single AND unmarried..

:o

[lostnotforgotten]

20. As In Not In The Divorced Category

eom

[Triana]

3. Related article: What we can learn from boneheaded bigotry about single people...

There is an aspect of singlism (the stereotyping, stigmatizing, and discrimination against people who are single) that continues to amaze me - it is often practiced without apology or even awareness. Those who engage in singlism can be clueless about their bigotry.

Example #1. Dumb Statement from "Smart Marriages"

One example comes the group, Smart Marriages. The goal of the group, according to their website, is to make marriage education widely available. In a recent e-mail, the listserv moderator included a group member's recommendation of the movie "Marley and Me." Now I haven't seen the movie or read the book, so my post is not about that. What is important is what was said about the movie.

The person recommending the movie began by explaining why she thought that the couple who owned Marley (the dog) had such a great marriage. Then she describes the contrast between the husband and his friend who is single, and expresses her approval that the movie never portrays the husband as wanting to be single and carefree like his friend. Here's the money quote:

"The contrast doesn't come across as judgmental. It just makes it seem like the friend doesn't have roots and that his life has a lot of emptiness while John has his family and a life with meaning."

Think about this for a moment while you shake your head in dismay. Here is someone describing a single person's life as rootless and empty, and the married person's as full of family and meaning, AND at the same time claiming that there's nothing judgmental here!

MORE:

http://blogs.psychologytoday.com/blog/living-single/200901/what-we-can-learn-boneheaded-bigotry-about-single-people

[zazen]

7. I think the character in the movie is actually a womanizer--hence, the "emptiness" comment

[Hissyspit]

8. It's still judgmental bias.

[MindPilot]

14. It's the same assumption

Just because a man is a "womanizer"--which means "a very eligible bachelor with no interest in marriage"--is automatically assumed to be leading a life devoid of meaning and purpose.

It's kind of like the way people describe atheists.

[Occam Bandage]

4. ism.

[Greyhound]

5. Misery loves company, in fact it demands it. K&R

[DeSwiss]

6. Here, here....

K&R

[The River]

9. Enjoying Singleism Since 89

As a long time born again bachelor I
find the freedom of singleness satisfying.
No one state of relationship is an objective "best".
To each their own.

[unblock]

10. we've already had a single president

james buchanan never married after his fiancee died.

[formercia]

11. Marriage implies stability and a purpose-driven life.

Bzzzt!

[MindPilot]

12. I am an "unmarried man" on my mortgage.

Like that is something abnormal and needs to be pointed out in the contract.

I can recall being turned down for jobs because of being single. Married guys are more "stable" and plus they have a "family to support".

Single people pay higher insurance rates and are discriminated against in many other ways. Ever try to book a cruise by yourself?

[Triana]

15. Same on mine...

..had to specify marital status. :wtf:

[liberalhistorian]

18. Just to clarify, since I was once a real

estate paralegal-deeds and mortgages do that because, by law, spouses of both genders have automatic "dower" rights to property, therefore spouses, or the lack of one, need to be mentioned. There are all kinds of descriptions used on such documents, "divorced/widowed and not remarried", "single and never married", etc. I'm not saying I agree with it, I'm just explaining the law and the legal purpose behind it.

[liberalhistorian]

13. I'm well aware of this country's bias

against singles in almost every form they come in, having been single all of my adult life before marrying last year a couple months shy of my 43rd birthday. The difference in the way I'm treated now versus being single, in virtually every area of life, is simply unbelievable.

[Triana]

16. Yep. I was married EONS ago.

It wasn't the right thing to do, I quickly realized, for me.

But the difference in how I was treated and the PRESSURE to have babies was immense. I didn't have babies. Didn't want any. For ME, it wasn't the right thing.

[xchrom]

17. recommend -- i love being single. nt