Okay. I'm really worried now.

[Rider Haggard]

I'm in Alabama and last year they build a fundie church nearby.

I could handle the nice old ladies or clean faced kids coming by since then on occasion to ask me if I had been saved, but now they may have gone too far.

I drove by on the way home from the store and, I'll be damned, but they had a huge pile of STONES in their parking lot.

Look, I've read Leviticus.

I know what these people do with stones.

Sure, they may claim they want them for landscaping, but I know better. I've read their handbook.

I have worked on Sundays. (Thank god I didn't make fun of a bald guy or it would be bears)

They're coming after me, I'm sure.



HELP ME???!!!!!


:)

[YOY]

1. You're joking.

You want to stop them from buying stones for landscaping?

[Rider Haggard]

9. One of us forgot the sarcasm taggie-thingie.

:)

OTOH, fundamentalists of any faith whose religions include stoning may need to be kept away from large piles of hand sized rocks.

:)

[damntexdem]

30. Hey, everyone I've known whose religion involved getting stoned was pretty laid back.

Now, did you say that they had peyote in their parking lot? ;-)

[NavyDavy]

20. get a sense of humor

[YOY]

21. Got one.

I just never underestimate the stupidity of my fellow man...what one may think is sarcastic may actually be another's attempt to get somebody's goat or even a crazy delusion.

Apparently this is sarcasm.

[KansDem]

2. Can't you wave a cross at them?

Wait, that only works for vampires. And a cross would only encourage them, so forget what I just suggested!

I'm afraid I'm out of ideas...sorry, you're on your own :(

[damntexdem]

31. Garlic? Wooden stakes?

Oh wait, they'd just use the wooden stakes for their gardening once they had the stones in place. Better stick with garlic.

[rcrush]

3. Every man for himself!

Get out while you can no one can help you now!

[Kookaburra]

4. Rider, you're screwn.

Sorry.

[Warpy]

5. If the stones are small enough to pick up and throw

steal 'em.

[damntexdem]

32. But be careful what you say.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vOdARZ3bs0k

[bridgit]

6. Your proper course of action is to probe with a stick-like devise...

But these things must be done delicately or it's all like:

Dark-sider!!


And *that's* when things can go down hill :(

[damntexdem]

33. Ooh, look at that early I-pod!

[FlaGatorJD]

7. Does it happen to be a glass church?

:shrug: Then, of course, they shall be forbidden to throw said stones,
and you my friend are safe for now.

[Sal Minella]

22. Only if he stashes all the stones INSIDE the church.....

[jeff30997]

8. Well...

A lot of peoples would love to get stoned for free. :)

But seriously those fundies are FUBAR.That's not a big

problem where I live but in other places in Canada they

have their share of the same kind of nuts that

you describe in your post.

[Motown_Johnny]

10. do you live in a glass house? do they???

[elocs]

11. When you hear hoofbeats think "horses" not "zebras".

The simple and straightforward answer is usually right. Even if you are joking, this same advice applies to the myriad of tinfoil hat ideas I see here, but evidently regular life is just too boring for some.

[Rider Haggard]

14. Why should I think of horses?

Is this a sexual thing with you?

I live in a place where there are very few horses and many many zebras. I'll bet you don't like tigers either because they have stripes as well.

:)

[Rider Haggard]

15. Why should I think of horses?

Is this a sexual thing with you?

I live in a place where there are very few horses and many many zebras. I'll bet you don't like tigers either because they have stripes as well.

:)

[damntexdem]

34. OK, zebras, go get elocs!

It's OK to pound your hoofs as loud as you want, he won't expect you.

[BlueJazz]

12. What the Fuck is your Problem ???

I mean, everybody likes to get Stoned sometimes. :) :)

[Rider Haggard]

16. And, thank you, Mr. Dylan.

They'll stone you when you're trying to be so good
They'll stone you just like they said they would
They'll stone you when you're trying to go home
They'll stone you when you're there all alone
But I would not feel so all alone
Everybody must get stoned

They'll stone you when you're walking on the street
They'll stone you when you're trying to keep your seat
They'll stone you when your walking on the floor
They'll stone you when your walking to the door
But I would not feel so all alone
Everybody must get stoned

They'll stone you when you're at the breakfast table
They'll stone you when you are young and able
They'll stone you when you're trying to make a buck
They'll stone you and then they'll say good luck
But I would not feel so all alone
Everybody must get stoned

Well They'll stone you and say that it's the end
They'll stone you and then they'll come back again
They'll stone you when you're riding in your car
They'll stone you when you're playing you guitar
Yes But I would not feel so all alone
Everybody must get stoned
Alright

Well They'll stone you when you are all alone
They'll stone you when you are walking home
They'll stone you and then say they're all brave
They'll stone you when you're send down in your grave
But I would not feel so all alone
Everybody must get stoned

[rrneck]

13. Catchers mitt

And a trebuchet :evilgrin:

[NeedleCast]

17. From Thesalonians I think

2-5: And Lo, the priest did admonish them to go forth and bring stones from the river by hand, and they did.

2-6: And the priest ordained that the stones be lain in front of the temple in a manner pleasing to the lord and the congregation laid the stones in such a manner with the sweat of their bow while the priest sat in the shade and enjoyed tax free status.

2-7: After the final stone had been laid the priest proclaimed that they were indeed pleasing to the lord, and that all present would recieve a better seat.

[Rider Haggard]

18. Couldn't they have called ticketmaster for a better seat?

He who blasphemes the Name of The Lord shall be put to death; all the congregation shall stone him; the sojourner as well as the native, when he blasphemes the Name, shall be put to death." (Leviticus 24:13,16 RSV)

"If your brother, the son of your mother, or your son, or your daughter, or the wife of your bosom, or your friend who is as your own soul, entices you secretly, saying, 'Let us go and serve other gods ... You shall stone him to death with stones, because he sought to draw you away from The Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage." (Deuteronomy 13:6,10 RSV)

"While the people of Israel were in the wilderness, they found a man gathering sticks on the Sabbath day ... And The Lord said to Moses, "The man shall be put to death; all the congregation shall stone him with stones outside the camp." (Numbers 15:32,35 RSV)

[damntexdem]

35. Deuteronomy for those due for a lobotomy.

[aquart]

19. "These people"?????

You're being cute. Got that.

Leviticus is Old Testament. The "these people" who will stone you for what you seem to know you've done are MY people: the Jews. Eye for an eye. Hold a grudge. See Israel.

Christians are New Testament. They have Jesus. He said the bit about not throwing the first stone. So, no matter how many stones those Christians have, none of them can pick up and heave a stone first. Unless one of them is Jewish and starts it.

Good luck.

[shadowknows69]

24. How many self-described Christians seems to love the Old Testament more though?

Many don't seem to get that the Big J was there to edit the rough draft that was the OT to something a little less bloodthirsty and vengeful.

[Solomon]

25. Bullshit. Christians are NOT new testament.

They can't do without the old testament, otherwise they make no sense whatever. They love the old testament because God gets to hurt people and do to them what they deserve. They have not given that up because of the new testament. That's why they keep quoting from the Old.

[aquart]

38. Well, they can keep their grubby, grabby fingers off it. It's MY book, not theirs.

And I am a simple woman of a vengeful people.

[shadowknows69]

23. Best cure for stones? A baseball bat. Deflect and attack.

[damntexdem]

37. At least try to bunt and run for first.

But watch for pitches that are high and inside.

[Peacetrain]

26. Okay Rider... Very Large Cooking Pot coming your way

Put it on your head and keep low.. those old ladies have a mean left hook:rofl:

[dixiegrrrrl]

27. I'd be more worried about the snakes. Have you seen a lot of snakes about the church?

[canetoad]

28. "I'll have....

six sharp and pointy ones and a handful of gravel please."

[RedCloud]

29. Just build a Hispanic Mosque nearby.

The first prayer could be:

Ali Baba alababa Alabama.

(Ali Baba would praise Allah for Alabama.)

Should keep the fundies peeing in their undies for some time to come.

[JDPriestly]

36. Hillarious!

Everybody must get stoned!

Rainy Day Women

Bog Dylan

Well, they'll stone ya when you're trying to be so good,
They'll stone ya just a-like they said they would.
They'll stone ya when you're tryin' to go home.
Then they'll stone ya when you're there all alone.
But I would not feel so all alone,
Everybody must get stoned.

Well, they'll stone ya when you're walkin' 'long the street.
They'll stone ya when you're tryin' to keep your seat.
They'll stone ya when you're walkin' on the floor.
They'll stone ya when you're walkin' to the door.
But I would not feel so all alone,
Everybody must get stoned.

They'll stone ya when you're at the breakfast table.
They'll stone ya when you are young and able.
They'll stone ya when you're tryin' to make a buck.
They'll stone ya and then they'll say, "good luck."
Tell ya what, I would not feel so all alone,
Everybody must get stoned.

[serrano2008]

39. Uh oh...sounds like you better get them before they get you!!!

Everybody must get stoned!

[juno jones]

40. You'll be OK. They've aleady committed the act.

The large pile of stones indicates that they have already stoned the harlot, sorcerer, or abortionist right there in the parking lot. They will probably be uninclined to move those stones after. Don't worry, the bad smell will go away in a few weeks but you might be looking at the old ladies and fresh-faced children a little differently.


:P