*** DUzy Awards for week ending March 27, 2009 ***

[JeffR]

Welcome to the mildly hallucinogenic DUzy Awards, recognizing exceptional snark, enlivening satire and epigrammatic sass from the past week on DU. Congratulations to this week's winners!

The DUzy Awards might just be announced every Friday night. Previous awards can be found in my journal.

Note to Mods: Skinner has authorized the DUzy Awards to be posted in GD.

The DUzy Academy Executive Board: alittlelark, flvegan, Ghost in the Machine, Lucinda and QueenOfCalifornia.

Special thanks to awoke_in_2003, jmowreader, FlyingSquirrel, babylonsister, eleny, Jack Rabbit, AwakeAtLast, dixiegrrrrl, EFerrari, wryter2000, ColbertWatcher, Commie Pinko Dirtbag and NanceGreggs for their invaluable assistance with this edition.

Following rocktivity's suggestion, Vice President Biden becomes only the second recipient of an Honorary DUzy Award for this quip.

Too context-dependent to quote here:

On a thread by SecularMotion: Church plans protest of Richardson funeral

      RaleighNCDUer

Response #21, in response to Response #12, which was in response to Response #3.

LBN, March 21, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x3793818

On a thread by WillyT: Notre Dame Criticized Over Obama Invite - Boston Globe

      Demeter: How Little It Counts to Be President of the US Today

Why didn't they invite Sarah Palin, then? She could use another degree, honorary or not.

      Aristus: Wouldn't she just end up going to six universities to get her honorary degree?

Just asking...

GD, March 21, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5302479

On a thread by babylonsister: Alaska volcano Mount Redoubt erupts 4 times

      Stevenmarc: With Palin's Abstinence Only education they should be able to toss a virgin in.

GD, March 23, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5312785

On a thread by The Straight Story: Non-Kosher Hot Dog Incites Rage At Jewish Eatery

"It was an all-out frankfurter frenzy this week at a popular Jewish restaurant in Brooklyn, as a certain hot dog caused a near-riot...

The long-time patron says the chaos broke out when he and a rabbi noticed the frankfurters on the grill were non-Kosher, in a restaurant that's supposed to be dishing out the Kosher variety.

'The package didn't look Kosher,' the patron said. 'It was the last piece in the package.'

Some customers were quick to defend the worker, who was surrounded by, according to some witnesses, a hundred enraged people.

'He just got angry,' the patron said. 'He wasn't about to do anything to the guys.'

The rabbi, who originally certified the Shawarma King restaurant Kosher, has written a letter to the community in a Jewish newspaper. In the letter, he calls the frankfurter mix-up a 'terrible mistake.'

The rabbi tells the community that a worker was sent out to buy hot dogs, and that he went to the wrong market and bought non-Kosher hot dogs..."

      gratuitous: The Obama administration is ahead of schedule

Non-kosher hot dogs weren't supposed to be introduced until after all the guns had been confiscated.

GD, March 23, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5315478

On a thread by XemaSab: Would you want to live near a wind farm?

      HysteryDiagnosis: I used to live near Palm Beach Florida. Rush Limbaugh lived there...

so does this count? I got nauseated once in awhile when I put the NIB thingy on the air.

      liberal N proud: That is a wind bag

But you have to worry about the stink from that one.

Environment/Energy, March 23, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=115x190865

OP by malaise: Holy Shite AIG changes their name

AIU - Bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! American Insurance Underwriters. Should have been undertakers - they've killed the fugging world economy.

Rachel I'm cracking up here. :rofl:

How stupid are these people? How gullible do they think we are? :puke:

      ContinentalOp: That'll work.

Someone should get a bonus for this. Good work guys.

      soothsayer: AIU? Should be IOU, shouldn't it?

      Bozita: I prefer FU2

      ddeclue: Corporate Witness Protection Program...

Shouldn't AIG at least have to roll over on a few brokerage houses before entering the CWPP?

:rofl:

GD, March 23, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5317600

On a thread by charlie and algernon: What movies would've been dramatically better if the main character died?

      rug: W.

The Lounge, March 23, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x8632424

Poll question by HopeHoops: If McCain had won...

I don't expect many votes for the first option.

:bluebox: WOO HOO - I'm an asshole and would have LOVED THAT!

:bluebox: Moscow would be toast, but so would DC, NY, LA, and probably Toledo.

:bluebox: Iran would be toast, but so would everything within range of Israel

:bluebox: Sarah Palin would have another $6,000,000 worth of clothes

:bluebox: Todd Palin would be fishing.

:bluebox: Dick Cheney would stop saying "Whaaaa".

:bluebox: The last of the seven seals would be broken and - well, you know.

:bluebox: Sarah would have done him in with her "moose technique" - and then "WHERE'S THE BUTTON?"

:bluebox: Is he still alive?

:bluebox: Who's Sarah?

At press time, "Sarah would have done him in with her 'moose technique' - and then 'WHERE'S THE BUTTON?'" was winning with 40% of the votes.

The Lounge, March 23, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x8632462

OP by LeftHander: 2009 Executive Stimulus Plan in action....

"MMmmmm yeah baby give me a big bonus..."

"Ooooh I love your retention. Make me stay."

"YEAH DO IT AGAIN...YEAH AGAIN...AGAIN!"

      monmouth: I need a cigarette....sigh...n/t

GD, March 24, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5322549

On a thread by GoddessOfGuinness: Does anybody else get these annoying robo-calls?

      HopeHoops: I press 1 and wait for a human voice. Then I hit the doorbell and hold the phone down by the dogs.

I hate those fucking things.

The Lounge, March 24, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x8634620

On a thread by ColbertWatcher: Trains in Japan - they want to be running 310 mph by 2025

      geckosfeet: Trains in US - they still want to be running next week.

GD, March 24, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5324127

On a thread by underpants: Czech Premier Topolanek Loses No-Confidence Vote

      damntexdem: So now he's a bounced Czech?

Should be expected in an economic downturn. ;-)

      dipsydoodle: Well I guess that whoever replaces him

will also be Czech so there'll still be a Czech in the post.

LBN, March 24, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x3798137

On a thread by specimenfred1984: CNN reports on kid farting on school bus, for real

      chollybocker: Did they roll a scroll underneath, "Breaking News...Breaking News..."

;)

GD, March 25, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5325832

On a thread by begin_within: What must happen in order for Obama's presidency to be considered successful?

      tularetom: He must walk on water - wait that probably won't do it

He must levitate himself and walk on air while farting the star spangled banner.

GDP, March 25, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x8292638

OP by nichomachus: If you go by the numbers, Obama has been a miserable failure

He's been in office over two months now, and he hasn't killed the "Number 2 Person in Al Qaida" even once.

The Bush administration killed Al Qaida's Number 2 guy at least once every 10 days.

How in the hell can we win if we don't keep taking out the Number 2 guy?

      Tangerine LaBamba: Good point ............

Also, where is our Orange Alert?

Do I have to do all the work myself and scare myself into a panic, or is my government going to help me out?

GD, March 25, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5328146

On a thread by underpants: Palin unplugged in speech to Alaska GOP dinner

      mitchum: Apparently, not just the days are long in Alaska...so are the 15 minutes

GD, March 25, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5331801

On a thread by Proud Liberal Dem: Why SHOULD Obama have spoken out immediately about the AIG bonuses?

      rpannier: Because his not answering shows a lack of resolute leadership

Let me give you a few examples of how the last administration would have shown this leadership

1. Bush would have gone on vacation and been using his stunt double to remove brush from his ranch for photo shots. He'd have told us how they were on top of the whole situation and that he had complete faith in the people handling it. Then he'd have told us he understood it was tough, but he wasn't worried (because he had a job)

2. Bush would have gone to France gotten on his bike and run over some French Security Guard and made jokes about to distract people from the tanking economy. While Hannity, O'lielly and Beck would have blamed the security guy for getting in the presidents way.

3. He'd have made a powerpoint presentation that showed the 'comedy' of the crisis. You know 1) Him looking under the bed to see if the bottom of the economy was there; 2)Him standing around an unemployment line wondering if he could be next; 3)Him selling a guy the rope to hang himself after he lost his job and pension at the age of 59. And making a joke like, "This is one way to turn lemons into lemonade."

4. The question never would have been asked because it never would have been cleared by the people who vet the questions Bush receives -- and then Ed Henry would be blacklisted from ever asking a question again.

The fact is, it is a fairly irrelevant question. The question was not that obscene and I think people are making too much of it.
I do think it seems more like a question you'd expect the Southside Grocery Shopper to ask.
Henry looked like an ass and yes, Obama did looked miffed at the question.
Mostly (I think) because of all the questions the Senior White House Correspondent could have asked, he chose one that is basically a throw-away question -- Kind of like Chris Collinsworth asking a Head Coach after they lost the Super Bowl on the last play of the game 31-30 "Are you disappointed you didn't win?"

GDP, March 26, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x8293008

On a thread by XemaSab: Cities Deal With a Surge in Shanty Towns

      Odin2005: can we call them Bushvilles? Shruburbs?

LBN, March 26, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x3801066

On a thread by ColbertWatcher: During the Great Depression, they were called "Hoovervilles" ...

... what should we call these new tent cities popping up everywhere?

      liskddksil: bush gardens

      Bluebear: Georgetowns.

GD, March 26, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5335437

On a thread by raccoon: I think that most people in any society or any century, don't think very hard.

I don't know why that is, unless it's just laziness or wanting a quick, simple, pat solution to complex problems.

Your thoughts?

      lunatica: I haven't thought about it much

GD, March 26, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5333107

OP by leftofthedial: Damned pot heads !

What were you smoking?


Uh, .....oh yeah.

GDP, March 26, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x8294408

On a thread by Amerigo Vespucci: Former Palin aide: "This set off a nerve for sure with a lot of people..." Oh, you betcha.

"'So I'm looking around for somebody to pray with, I just need maybe a little help, maybe a little extra,' she said of the moments before the debate. 'And the McCain campaign, love 'em, you know, they're a lot of people around me, but nobody I could find that I wanted to hold hands with and pray.'

A handful of the McCain campaign staffers who traveled with the former vice presidential nominee nearly every day for two months caught wind of Palin's remarks on Thursday morning — and they aren't thrilled with her quip.

'We all talked this A.M.,' said one former Palin aide in an e-mail. 'This set off a nerve for sure with a lot of people...'"

      NRaleighLiberal: I can see her irrelevance from my house.

GD, March 26, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5338669

On a thread by adamuu: Please don't cut small pieces off of your children.

Thank you. That is all.

      MilesColtrane: A circumspect post if I've ever seen one.

      ContinentalOp: Cut it out -nt-

GD, March 27, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5339046

OP title by Commie Pinko Dirtbag: I call dibs on the Bibleman codpiece.

"Cash-strapped former 'Eight Is Enough' and 'Charles in Charge' star Willie Aames is selling off his belongings in suburban Kansas City.

Dozens showed up Thursday at a garage sale at his Olathe home, where Aames made deals with bargain-hunters and signed autographs..."

      Swede: Make an offer. Hopefully eight is enough.

:shrug:

And if you're unfamiliar with Bibleman: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bibleman

The Lounge, March 27, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x8642844

On a thread by kpete: Reid: Roberts 'didn't tell us the truth'

"Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid said Friday that John Roberts misled the Senate during his confirmation hearings by pretending to be a moderate — and that the United States is now 'stuck' with him as chief justice..."

      Guy Whitey Corngood: AP BREAKING: Girl named Lucy takes away football as a Mr Charles Brown is about to kick it. nt

      Captain Hilts: "It's not the first time she's done it," Ms. Van Pelt's brother, Linus, told officials. nt

LBN, March 27, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x3803583

OP by Kurt_and_Hunter: Steele: I called out Rush as a stratagem to see where everyone was on the chessboard

Steele: "I called out Rush as a stratagem to see where everyone was on the chessboard"

Steele unspoken but implied: "I apologized to Rush the next day because I found out where everyone was on the chessboard, and it wasn't pretty"

      Marsala: I walked into the ambush to pinpoint the enemies' locations.

I dove into the Amazon to find the piranha. I threw rocks at the nest to flush out the hornets. I jumped off the cliff to locate the ground.

GDP, March 27, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x8296369

On a locked thread: I'm circumsized and I like my cock

      cbayer: Locking

Thanks for letting us know, but It's just TIM.

Cheers,

cbayer
DU Moderator

      cbayer: Oops.

I meant TMI.

:hide:

GD, March 26, 2009

OP by Frank Booth: OK, DU, time to chill out with some cool PICS of our great leader!

GDP, March 23, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x8284783


OP by Uzybone: Our new aggresive media.

GDP, March 25, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x8291047


OP by MrScorpio: DU (un)Official Complaint Department

response #3 by WilliamPitt

response #4 by taterguy

response #6 by MrScorpio

response #12 by taterguy

response #15 by MrScorpio

response #21 by Chemical Bill

The Lounge (moved from GD), March 25, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x8637873


OP by underpants: Early roughdrafts of Bush's memoirs leaked by publisher

response #1 by billybob537

GDP, March 26, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x8292989

[gratuitous]

1. Victory is mine!

Grovel, you meaningless ants! You are less than nothing to me.

Uh, I mean :kick:

[NanceGreggs]

2. DU rocks!

And so do the DUzys!

:kick: :kick: :kick:

[The Straight Story]

3. Kicking - wonderful and funny work as usual my friend

That thread on circumcision was certainly a DUzy :)

[Tangerine LaBamba]

4. I got another DUzy?

You guys are easy.

I wish I could remember posting that.

Ah, well, thank you very much ................

[The Straight Story]

5. You got a DUzy bailout

:)

[Tangerine LaBamba]

6. OK,

that makes a whole lot more sense.

I really have to cut back on my opiate use. This is just getting weird .............

:toast:

[ColbertWatcher]

7. k+r, n/t

[annabanana]

8. yay!..(love the DUzys). . . . . .n/t

[HopeHoops]

9. I got TWO of them - weird!

[malaise]

10. Wow my first DUzy for 2009

I would like to thank the criminal financial sector for helping me to find my sense of humor again.

Thanks JeffR et al. :D

[NRaleighLiberal]

11. My First Ever DUzy! I can feel the excitement from my laptop!

[Demeter]

12. I've Been DUzied!

Well, alright, it was a joint effort....but you should see us over at Weekend Economists! Who ever suspected Economics could be so much fun?

[scarletwoman]

13. k&r in memory of the days when I used to win DUzys as easily as breathing...

Memory
All alone in the moonlight
I can smile at the old days
I was beautiful then
I remember the time I knew what happiness was
Let the memory live again

...

Touch me
It's so easy to leave me
All alone with the memory
Of my days in the sun
If you touch me
You'll understand what happiness is

Look
A new day has begun

*sniff*
sw

[scarletwoman]

16. P.S. -- I miss Kurovski. (nt)

[Kurovski]

18. And as if by magic...

The Miss Fairy hears your lament, and takes me aloft her lavendered, gossamer wings to the library.

How ya been, woman? :hug:

I miss DU. People in the new world aren't the right enough kind of crazy to suit me.

[scarletwoman]

20. Kurovski!!!! I just KNEW if I wished hard enough you'd show up!

I burned incense and chanted your name while sitting naked on a velvet painting of dogs playing poker clasping one of my old DUzy satuettes to my bosom until the wee hours of morning.

And Lo! And Behold!

I'm doing well enough. How are YOU doing?

:hug: :loveya:
sw

[Kurovski]

21. How am I?

Keep chanting, baby! :D

Actually, we may yet save the old homestead. It's been a Winter of hell, and I exaggerate only a wee bit here.

Keep that DUzy ABOVE the waist now. :loveya:

[scarletwoman]

22. You might be able to save the house? That sounds like really good news!!!

You bet I'll keep chanting for you! And sending good energy your way.

Keep that DUzy ABOVE the waist now.

No problem, that's not the least bit of a temptation -- what with all those sharp corners and sticking out things.

Now, if it were shaped like an Oscar... }(

:* :* :* :* :* :* :* :*
sw

[XemaSab]

14. I'm doing well on providing threads this week

:D

Shruburbs... :rofl:

[lonestarnot]

15. Woohoo! I'm so glad these are back!

They may have been back for a while, but I've been having a not so fun time as have no time! First night I've had time to see they were back! Love you JeffR! Thanks so much! Bravo! :applause: :loveya:

[Tindalos]

17. k&r

As of today, "shruburbs" is my new favourite word.

[Kurovski]

19. Thanks, Jeffers...

I like your new journal photo. very colorful. Just what I'd expect from a pinko Commie bastard like you. :loveya:

So I see you went from a full-lipped and luscious twentyish, to something both-less-and-more-so overnight. The same thing happened to me.

I'm working on an economical method of injecting schmaltz into the lips, and utilizing packing tape in eye-lift procedures. I hope to have a clinic up-and-running at a strip mall near you soon.

There's twenty bucks and a free butt-tuck to anyone who can come up with a name for my line of low-price youth-renewal shops.

Looking like a tom-tom with two banana slugs crawling on it is the first requirement for success.

Don't fall for that "education" crapola.