The Bizarre Poetry of Glen Beck

[otohara]

Every day the Fox News pundit feels the pain and suffering of average Americans. Now it's time to experience his free verse.

Editor's note: The following poems are transcribed verbatim from Beck's broadcasts.

March 31, 2009 | MEATBALLS AT THE FURNITURE STORE

Somebody said let's make Swedish meatballs at the furniture store
And somebody else said, that's a stupid idea; nobody's going to want meatballs at the furniture store.
And the first guy on that first day, his ass was on the line.
And so one customer came for lunch, he knew he had to get rid of the meatballs
And he was like, yeah, you want meatballs from the furniture store?
And they're like, yeah, I guess; my wife has been dragging them around forever.
Anything. Just whatever. I was thinking about eating an ottoman
A little while ago but then meatballs has actual meat in it
And then the guy behind the counter said, well, I'm not really sure
But ya, ya, sure. So then he takes the meatballs
And he has to put them on a huge plate
Because he has to get rid of them.
Otherwise, you know, the big Swede is going to say
That was the dumbest thing I've ever heard.
And so now that one fat guy who had the big bowl of meatballs
Now buys all of his furniture there and has told all of his fat friends,
Buy your furniture there because your wife will walk around
And you'll have an hour worth of eating meatballs
And that's what happened.

("The Glenn Beck Program," Premiere Radio Networks, Nov. 21, 2007)

Here's more .... http://www.salon.com/opinion/feature/2009/03/31/glenn_beck_poetry/

[UTUSN]

1. K&R #1 for, I don't know what LeBECK is about, but KICK for NUTS!1 n/t

[ddeclue]

2. Umm poetry???

That's carrying "free verse" a bit far...

It's got no meter
It's got no rhyme
Glenn Beck you fail
All the time


:P

I'm a graduate of the Don Henley school of verse....

:rofl:

[Occam Bandage]

3. I really like Ikea food. I like it because it reminds me of airline food.

[Telly Savalas]

4. I have the sudden overwhelming urge to drop acid and go to IKEA.

[Kerrytravelers]

5. Maya Angelou. Robert Bly. Langston Hughes. William Wordsworth. Robert Frost. Alice Walker. The Bard.

They have nothing on Glenn Beck.

Why, even his name inspires poetry.



Glenn Beck.
His brain is but a speck.
Of society, he is the dreck.
If forced to listen to him, I'd rather hang by my neck.

[Canuckistanian]

6. Bravo! Bravo!

The best DaDa/Nihilist/Folk/Drug Rehab performance I've experienced since Shatner's "Girl with Kaleidoscope Eyes".

I was disappointed though with his obvious omission of Lingonberries, but hey....

[vixengrl]

7. That is the best way to understand Beck--please. His spoken-word

performances are ad-lib, but they don't come alive until they hit paper. Take a look at the strong, incantatory reiterations of this piece:

We've got time to write tickets, we've got time to write tickets,
Have the police officers write tickets, you know why; because

That way, the city has money that they can bribe people
To vote for them; they don't want to enforce these laws

Because they want more votes; you know it happens every time;
They're doing it to the border patrol, they're doing it to the cops,

They're doing it to our soldiers, every single time we have somebody
Wear our uniform with our name and put them in harm's way,

We don't support them; why, because of some stupid politician;
I've had enough. I have had enough. Michael, thank you very much


Break this down, and you have a lament. "We've got time to write tickets, we've got time to write tickets." Why twice? Why? Compare with T.S. Eliot's "I grow old, I grow old." Compare with Shakespeare's "Never, never, never, never, never." The repetition is reinforcement. He returns to that: "I've had enough. I have had enough." You see that same sort of repetitive quality in the lamentatory style going back through history. Look over the poems left to us from the ancient Near East--five thousand years ago, poets were doing what Beck did there.

What is he saying there? Who has time to write them: "We". I didn't write them. Beck did not write them. The people in uniform wrote them, but we're all people in uniform, now. See what he did there--he put us in their place. "Have the police officers write tickets, you know why."

And you know you already do. He tells you why, but it's something you always knew--it was the city. The whole city is collecting that revenue so some people can appropriate those funds for their elections, which is really illegal and I'm not at all sure how they do it, but it doesn't matter how--you know. They--(not us, we're in uniform) don't want to enforce the laws (they just want tickets written.) Because tickets=votes. Tickets are a metaphor for votes, and votes are a metaphor for our life's blood being sucked from our necks by "them." Don't ask me how I know that. Trust me, I know.

This is where the real dangerous poetry takes place--this is edgy:

They're doing it to the border patrol, they're doing it to the cops,

They're doing it to our soldiers, every single time we have somebody
Wear our uniform with our name and put them in harm's way,


This is the strongest usage of the reiterative mode, and yet, it contains a common euphemism for intercourse. "Doing it to" implies a sexual act upon the passive uniformed figurative "you." That uniform has your name. You are being shafted. You, I, Beck, and the soldiers are not writing tickets, unless any of us happen to also be cops. But we are all wearing the American uniform, and because they want votes--who? "They!" they will make you ticket yourself. That's how they steal your precious bodily fluids.

Beck is really deep like that.

[MrPerson]

8. I prefer Vogon poetry.