It's your call, kid

[arcadian]

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20090331.wlconsensual31art1835/BNStory/lifeFamily/home

According to the growing consensual living movement, parents and children have equal say in family life - even at bedtime, Adriana Barton reports


ADRIANA BARTON

From Tuesday's Globe and Mail

March 31, 2009 at 4:53 AM EDT


VANCOUVER — One morning last September, Melanie Leavey's six-year-old daughter, Savannah, insisted on wearing a Halloween cat costume instead of normal clothes. She wore it all day long, and the next too. Eventually, she agreed to take off the costume so it could be washed, but the minute it was laundered, she pulled it on again. Weeks passed, then months. It wasn't until February, almost six months later, that Savannah finally decided to put the cat costume to rest.

{snip}

Getting Savannah dressed in the morning had long been a battle. "I tried all the mainstream parenting guru advice, but nothing worked," she says.

So, Ms. Leavey began to practise consensual living, a set of principles designed to help family members understand each other's feelings and meet one another's needs.

{snip}

Her days became more relaxed when she focused more on Kahlan's needs, she says. If she had a doctor's appointment but her daughter was feeling grumpy, for example, Ms. Hollett would not force Kahlan to wait with her to see the doctor. Instead, Ms. Hollett might cancel the appointment or arrange alternative child care, she says.

Listening to her child's feelings doesn't mean that every last thing is negotiable, such as being strapped in a car seat, she says. But if they have to go somewhere, she adds, "I'll do everything I can to make the car-seat ride more comfortable."

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[ogneopasno]

1. I'm a pretty easy-going parent, but this kind of crap just blows me away.

Some things are non-negotiable.

[phantom power]

2. I agree with them to this extent...

when it comes to telling your kids what to do, choose your battles wisely.

[cali]

3. If it works for you, fine.

I think it's absurd to let a child dictate when you go to the doctor, but hey, it's not my family.

[KittyWampus]

13. true, it's not your family. And I'd hope that child never became your or my own student.

[Extend a Hand]

4. wow, poor kid

I wonder how she'll react when she finds out the rest of the world doesn't care about her "needs"

[Avalux]

5. Ridiculous. The child's whims control the parent!

Children need parents to teach them structure and routine; they need to understand the world does not revolve around them. I feel sorry for Kahlan.

[proud2BlibKansan]

6. And when she grows up and tells her boss she isn't in the mood to work

she loses her job and moves back in with Mom.

Some strategy. LOL

[glowing]

7. I know a parent like this, her kids are bratts.. I don't like my child being

around them. Its ok to give some leeway, but who's the parent.

[KittyWampus]

14. I've observed parents who tell kid what to do but by giving choices. "Okay, we are eating now

do you want mac & cheese with the meatloaf or mashed potatos".

That clues the kid into meal time but gives them some input thus making them feel included and less likely to balk.

[sufrommich]

8. I'm sure this excessive pampering will work out well

for Savannah in her adult life.:sarcasm:

[Lex]

9. Life as a grown-up with a job will be a real hard thing to adjust to for these kids.

nt

[notadmblnd]

10. it's called picking your battles wisely

My husband (when he was alive, and no I did not kill him) used to fuss at our son having a dirty face, making him come in from outside to wash. It always endned in one adult hollering and one upset kid. The way I saw it, there was no reason for him to wash his face until bath time, unless we were going somewhere. it just wasn't a battle I wished to have with my child. I don't think he was given to me to have complete control and power over. My job is to protect and to provide for him until he is capable of doing it on his own. I want my son to love me, not resent me when he's grown.

[sufrommich]

11. Your husband was an example of the opposite extreme,

there are miles of normal, healthy parenting between the two.

[Odin2005]

12. Perfect way of raising a bunch of spoiled brats.

:eyes: