Breaking News: Autopsies Conducted on Dead Pirates

[NightWatcher]

and none of them had been circumsized as babies. Of course, this is why they became pirates.

Lab techs were still waiting for the results of several blood tests to determine if they had been breastfed.

[Believing Is Art]

1. Did they get their childhood vaccinations? n/t

[KatyMan]

2. They were the products

of lousy tippers.

[Maine-ah]

3. I heard that their mothers breastfed them while

having lunch at The Olive Garden.

[ronnykmarshall]

13. and listened to Laura Branigan.

[Maine-ah]

14. holy shit! NOT LAURA BRANIGAN!!!!111elevens11!!!!

[Lex]

4. Stomach contents show recent Olive Garden meal.

WTF? There's one even on the high seas?

[Believing Is Art]

6. Yes, down the current from the Starbucks Flotilla of Doom n/t

[scrinmaster]

5. Somalia is virtually all Muslim, so they probably were cut.

[Renew Deal]

7. And they were subjected to second hand smoke while buying guns in Virginia.

:D

[Canuckistanian]

8. Probably a low midchlorian count, too

The force was not strong with these ones.

[Obamanaut]

9. At supermarkets they always returned their own carts. nt

[Uzybone]

10. Ha. That was a classic

[TheCowsCameHome]

11. I heard they always used directional signals when turning.

Ooooh, how rebelious is that?

[ronnykmarshall]

12. Well I'm glad they are doing autopsies on the dead ones.

I draw that line when it comes to autopsies on the not dead ones.

[Codeine]

15. Subhuman savages.

Ate at Red Lobster AND Olive Garden and loved that shit!

Didn't tip, either.

[muntrv]

16. Lemme guess: Their parents didn't hug them as kids?

[TahitiNut]

17. Three more needless deaths attributable to second-hand tobacco smoke.

Sad. :nopity:

[Kaleva]

18. They shopped at Wal-Mart

The DNA of that guy trampled to death on Black Friday was found on their feet.

[PopSixSquish]

19. And They Drove Foreign Cars

although being from Somalia, American cars would be foreign cars...

[x-g.o.p.er]

20. Heard they died of lead poisoning

he he