How to handle the Mormons at your door - should work on Jehovah's

[BR_Parkway]

Witness and other types as well.

http://russellsteapot.com/comics/2007/always-check-their-credentials.html

[Cleita]

1. We have dogs. It works better. They know better than to open the gate. n/t

[HopeHoops]

10. 77 lb border collie works QUITE well.

The 17.5 lb sheltie is loud and shrill, but not as efficient at the task.

[Cleita]

19. Lab and Russell terrier mix here. Neighbor has a pit bull, a really sweet dog,

but the intruders don't know that.

[HopeHoops]

20. Ours wouldn't attack anyone offensively, but GOD help them if they tried to hurt the kids!

She's not something you would want to tangle with in a fight!

[mtnester]

2. Mine is easy for Mormons

many of my ancestors were massacred by them at the Mountain Meadow Massacre

work like a charm

[grantcart]

12. Mine is easier. I take your ancestors and raise it.

My ancestors were resposible for the massacre, and the cover up.

Jedidiah Morgan Grant "Bringham Young's 'sledgehammer'".

He led the reformation the year before that incited Mormons to take renew their faith and 'go to war' for God:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jedediah_Morgan_Grant

In 1856, Grant was called upon by Young to tour the northern sections of Utah, calling them to repentance. In the Mormon Reformation of 1856, he toured according to his assignment, delivering fiery speeches condemning all forms of sin and demanding perfection. He issued a call for rebaptism of all the members of the area. His speeches earned him the title, "Brigham's Sledgehammer." The effects of his speeches were felt almost immediately; members throughout the area, as well as in distant parts, were rebaptized to signify their commitment to renew their commitments to the LDS Church and the gospel. Several of these speeches are recorded in Journal of Discourses.



He was rewarded by becoming the first mayor of Salt Lake City. The tour mentioned above must not have pleased God too much, JMG died shortly there after of pnumonia.



The coverup was continued by the second longest serving President of the Mormon Church: Heber J Grant, Jedidiahs' son.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jedediah_Morgan_Grant



http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heber_J._Grant


That branch of the Mormon elite is known as the Wells-Bennett-Grant family and includes Senator Bennett, apparently a distant cousin.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wells-Bennett-Grant_Family


We know of no descendents of our ancestors listed above that still practice Mormonism. A fact that can usually bring a Mormon to tears.

[mtnester]

26. Sigh, at least they eventually returned most of the children that survived

Mormons posing as Indians...trickery abounded

[WI_DEM]

3. I politely tell them I have my own beliefs and wish them a good day and shut the door

always has been effective.

[SPedigrees]

8. That's what I used to do.

Since prop 8 they don't want to knock at my door again. They will get an earful and a door slammed in their faces.

[NMMNG]

24. Same here

I'm pretty sure the multiple marriage equality stickers on our cars and the huge sign we have in our window are enough to warn them this is not a house they want to mess with.

[tularetom]

4. Heh heh that's pretty cool

We don't get many of them here. The driveway is 300 feet long and all uphill from the road.

The next house on the south is 1/2 mile away. On the north it's 3 miles.

I'll keep the cartoon in case one of them get through.

We did get a guy wanting to put a Yes on Prop 8 sign in our field. we chased him away pretty quick.

[KamaAina]

5. What do you get when you cross a Unitarian Universalist with a Jehovah's Witness?

Someone who knocks on your door over and over again for no apparent reason. :P

[VOX]

9. HAH!!! Thanks, KamaAina, for the good laugh! n/t

[Stevenmarc]

6. I invite them in to watch some gay porn

Either way it's a win win

[Warpy]

7. Hire a night nurse to sleep on your couch on weekends

and clear off for the day.

Night nurses are RABID when some idiot wakes them up to sell them Jesus.

13 years later, Mormons still cross the street when they get to my house. JWs are never seen. Baptists leave a leaflet in the crime door and RUN. Really.

[izquierdista]

11. You can't have a thread on this topic

Without including this clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cWF_fjgd2mA

[grantcart]

13. Easiest way to stump a Jehovah Witness

Are you aware that neither the word "Jehovah" or the word "Yahweh" ever appear in the Hebrew Bible?

If you are wrong on this simple fact why should we trust you on any other?



Explanaition of the tetragrammaton that scholars THINK may be have been pronounced 'Yahweh'.

(It wasn't God's name but a warning for the reader not to commit blasphemy for speaking God's name by accident)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/YHWH


'Jehovah' is the mistransliteration of the word 'Yahweh' which when transliterated into Latin and then in German is spelt with a J but pronounced as a 'Y'.

'Jehovah' is literally a mistransliteration of a word that has been mistaken for a name, other than that its 100% correct.

[HarryTrumanDem]

14. Ah you invite the lads

into the doublewide, and....nothing real sinister happens. Accept their humble offerings--the Book of Moroni?? Ahh yeahh, dawg, Golden Plates. My man Joe Smith. Las Placas!---and they will inveterately ask for a glass of water, or something cold to drink. And this you and your significant other have prepared! Like lemonade. Fresh.

You have, however, added to that tall glass of lemonade a heady mixture of crushed datura seeds, which they will not likely notice. Datura aka Jimson weed, is a rather potent deliriant, known to many tribes of southwest. Within about 20 minutes the young pilgrims will fall off their mtn. bikes and be embarking on a two day journey to the aztec underworld.

Hallelooojah

[Agent William]

15. I just yell, "go away, I'm masturbating" As loud as I can

It works every time.

[jwirr]

16. They used to hit our Native American village regularly. I offered to

be the decoy and keep them busy. When they would show up at my neighbors door they would send them to me - I would bulls--t with them until they gave up and then I would direct them to only those homes where I knew they would be faced with active alcoholism and real trouble. The rest of the village would watch as we systematically drove them out of town. They do not do that anymore.

[Cirque du So-What]

17. I don't recommend my method to anyone!

I came down with mumps at the age of 17, and I was sicker than at any time - before or after - in my life. I was fortunate that the disease didn't attack my gonads, but it gave my pancreas a run for its money. It made me so violently ill that I vomited until the capillaries on the whites of my eyes burst, giving them a uniform 'oxblood' color. My irises are green, so the effect was like Linda Blair's character in The Exorcist. Every gland in my head and neck was swollen three times its normal size, so I could easily have been mistaken for someone with a goiter. This miserable condition lasted for nearly a week, so I didn't feel like shaving. The net effect of my swollen face + whiskers was that of a pufferfish on red alert.

It was a Saturday, and I was just beginning to feel like a human being once again. I was lying on the couch in the living room, praying for recovery or a merciful death - either one would have been alright with me. I heard the doorbell and said in a low, raspy voice (not unlike that of Mercedes McCambridge in the aforementioned movie about demonic possession), 'go away!' They obviously didn't hear me or were persistent little fuckers, because the doorbell rang again. I decided in that moment to make whoever was at the door regret not going away when they had the chance!

I opened the door to find two young guys - one about my age, the other a few years older - staring in disbelief at the visage before them, their issues of Awake! and The Watchtower hanging limply at their sides. Both of them had their mouths open, but no words were emerging. I wasn't at a loss for words, however, as I demanded to know what the fuck they wanted and why they were going around my neighborhood pestering people on a Saturday afternoon. I started shuffling slowly out the door, still ranting, and they were backing up. The younger fellow should have watched where he was backing up, as he fell off the porch and into my mother's rose bush. As he was yelping in pain from getting punctured by rose thorns, the other fellow went to his assistance, and I shuffled back into the house.

As far as I know, Jehovah's Witnesses never knocked on my parents' door again while they lived at that address.

[DaveinJapan]

18. Here are a few more methods

Nasty language on this one - warning!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GiUwkws3NPk&feature=PlayList&p=80FA486DF6A45B8F&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=2

[SidneyCarton]

21. Or, you could just say you're not interested...

Whenever I heard that, I went to find someone who was, no point on wasting time on someone who doesn't care, or wants to fight about it.

[Steely_Dan]

22. This is what I usually do...

If I see them coming from the down the street, I go into the bathroom and using an eyebrow pencil, I write the number "666" on my forehead. I write it in such a way that my hair covers it nicely. Then, at a strategic moment in my discussion with them, I casually brush the hair from my forehead to expose the number. I make sure that I don't break my train of thought or the sentence that I am speaking. I've received amazing reactions.

-P

[MineralMan]

23. I have a Nepalese Buddhist decorated goat skull. Maybe I should

hang it on the front door, behind the screen door. That should give them pause. Right now, it's hanging over the basement steps, to protect me from falls. I need more protection from proselytizers, I think.

[cagesoulman]

25. I'm not handling any fucking Mormons

I got my standards.

[LAGC]

27. Ask them about the "golden plates"

The ones the angel Moroni miraculously gave to the prophet Joseph Smith to translate into the Book of Mormon. Where are they now? Why not produce them as "irrefutable proof" of God's divine providence and endorsement of the Mormon religion?