|
Edited on Sun Aug-09-09 07:01 PM by PCIntern
Hey everyone, hear me out for a moment:
Do you have 'friends' and acquaintances who tell you 'how you're going to feel' when such-and-such happens? Do they preface it by telling you WHAT'S going to happen long before it might, even though they have absolutely no idea whether it will happen or not, and it is much less likely that the negative consequences will occur?
Today, at a gathering, people were telling me how I was going to negatively feel after a moderately-consequential POSITIVE life event. Not a NEGATIVE one, but a POSITIVE one. After the thirteenth or twentieth or thirtieth person did this (having lost count), I responded, quietly but firmly, "You know, you are the same person who told me that my kids were going to be real sassy to me when they were young, that they would act out horribly when they got to Junior high school, that the girls would have sex/stay out all night/get pregnant/catch VD when they were in high school and college. You are the same people who told me that I would find myself crying uncontrollably after my parents would die, and that I'd never ever really come to terms with their deaths - a priori you said this. You also said that my practice would slow down as I aged and that my patient population would age with me and that I would not acquire new patients in the younger generations. None of these things happened or even CAME CLOSE to happening, so why should I assume that your assessment of my situation, my psyche, my personality should be any more accurate than the utterly fallacious arguments which you posited all these years? Would it make you FEEL BETTER if you were right, and all these negative consequences came out of this? It is much more likely that everything will go reasonably well, as things have in the past with regard to these issues in my family/career, and I make the assumption that history will repeat itself. If it doesn't, it doesn't, and I'll deal with that outcome if and when the time comes."
Stupefied, each of the people to whom I repeated this statement just stood there...saying nothing. It was my turn again: "Do you think for one moment that your projection of how you felt, what you endured, what you did and didn't do, would make me feel better about my situation, or would I feel worse? Given your track record in the past, and you KNOW you were mightily mistaken, why didn't you just say, 'Good luck to you, I hope things go well.'? Is there some reason that you want me to FEEL BADLY even though I should be feeling good about (the thing)?"
Now these folks are quite bright and intellectual to a man and woman. They each nodded as though they understood my point. I find that I always offer encouragement, not discouragement. Just a thought for the day...
On edit; subj line: OK OK...
|
Printer-friendly format
Email this thread to a friend
Bookmark this thread
(1000+ posts)
Send PM |
Profile |
Ignore
