Behind my continued sense of anonymity, and deep feelings of kinship,

[EnviroBat]

that I admit to the many friends I've made here over the years that I've entered an outpatient rehab program for alcohol dependence. I've never been so afraid in my life. But my last "bender" was the writing on the wall for me. I truly fear that when the dust settles, I am going to lose all of the friends that I've been close with for the better part of my life. They don't understand what I'm doing, or why. I've tried to talk with them about it, but it just holds a mirror to their own problems, and they're not ready to face them I guess.

You know that feeling when you "break up" with a significant other, and while you sleep at night, the uneasy and sick feelings subside. But your first thought when you open your eyes in the morning is , "oh shit...". I feel like I've ended a relationship with a part of myself that has been going strong for a little over 20 years now. I feel lost. I feel weak, and I feel tempted. But thank God or whoever, I woke up this morning and didn't feel like shit from a hangover...

1 week sober.

[mdmc]

1. Congratulations on the 7 days

You kinda are "breaking up" with a part of your life. Now ya got to find other things in life to replace the part that you are leaving.

Peace and low stress and keep up the good work..

[H2O Man]

2. The path you are on

now is hard. But the path you are getting off is much more difficult, and had no potential good outcome.

Any real friend will understand. And they will support your efforts now.

Be strong, and remember that you have friends here. And we are with you.

[OneGrassRoot]

3. GOOD FOR YOU!!!

You sure hit the nail on the head about most people, EnviroBat: "They don't understand what I'm doing, or why. I've tried to talk with them about it, but it just holds a mirror to their own problems, and they're not ready to face them I guess."

It's not a reflection on you, but on most people's inability to be self-reflective. Most people stay busy, busy, busy so they don't have to think or feel.

I'm so glad you recognize that and don't allow it to add to the challenge you're facing right now. I won't say I can relate, as I'm blessed that I can't count addiction or dependence as one of my trials. But I admire you so very, very much.

I'm also so glad to read you're in a program, to get much-needed support.

I think you expressed a lot of heart and courage in this post, and I have a feeling you have more support than you may know.

You can count this woman from NC as in your corner, cheering you on, sending hugs of support and good vibes your way.....

:hug:

[Tailormyst]

4. Take it one day at a time.

it's not easy learning to live again, but it will be worth it.

[OneGrassRoot]

5. I've wanted to say hello and welcome....

over the last few days, so I'll take this opportunity to do just that:

Hello, and welcome to DU, Tailormyst. :)

:hi:

[EnviroBat]

11. Thak you, and howdy!!!

:hi:

[Tailormyst]

13. Thank you for the welcome!

I love your user name :)

[raccoon]

6. Best wishes to you.

"I've tried to talk with them about it, but it just holds a mirror to their own problems, and they're not ready to face them I guess."

That's it exactly.

I know the feeling you described in your second paragraph.

Hang in there, Enviro. :hug: :pals:

[tavalon]

7. Bless you!

You are doing the right thing. It's hard but it's right.

[dionysus]

8. i recently stopped drinking beer. had a few over the weekend, and all it did was give me a headache.

it's not worth it. after a little bit, you get used to it.

the first few days was hard to sleep but it quickly goes away.

keep up the good work.

:thumbsup:

[Happyhippychick]

9. Congrats and welcome to yourself! I'm sure you've missed you but now you are back.

much love and hugs on this journey.

[EnviroBat]

10. You people are the greatest. You're the first, other than my g.f. that I've admitted this to.

Thank you all so much for the support. When I got home last night, I felt like I was living on the moon. It was cold and lonely up there.

[seabeyond]

12. ah baby, it is a tough road. wht an excellent post. hear ya on all of it.

wishing you well.

[StarfarerBill]

14. Congratulations! I admire your strength.

:hug:

[Liberation Angel]

15. It will only get better and better, because the booze makes you feel sicker and sicker

I have been involved in healing processes for many years and the GREAT thing about beating the urge to get wasted is that the urge to feel really fucking good becomes a craving that kicks the alcohol's ass.

The other cool thing is that you get to form brand spanking new relationships that are not about getting wasted and feeling sick.

Ultimately new highs come from things like biking, walking, creativity, real friends, meaningful experiences, art, theater, film, play, flirting and the whole new eorld opened up as you feel better and better and make it out into the world to DISCOVER all of the beauty you can't really see in the buzzes and blurs and slobbering when the toxins in the booze are eating up your insides and eating up your spirit.

It gets easier and better.

Be at peace and stay busy. Fun stuff. Nature. Healthy stuff and museums and cooking fabulous meals, baking cookies or bread or making pudding....

I also recommend Hibiscus tea to help the vascular system heal. Hibiscus tea (hot or cold) is an awesome drink and with peppermint it makes you feel super. Great for hypertension and for the elasticity of blood vessels damaged by years of tension. If you can tolerate (and afford) maple syrup instead of sugar even better as you get minerals etc you need - or try raw sugar.

Be at peace, envirobat, and enjoy the good life...it really can be a good one - especially as you get better and better...

[EnviroBat]

18. Wow, thank you so much!!!

After one week, I'm already starting to feel that "craving" you mentioned. I thought it was just some moment of clarity in an otherwise toxic river of withdrawal. I'm buying a juicer this weekend. Oddly enough, from the woman that tolerated me for 12 years, and loved me despite my hatred for myself and people around me.

You never realize how bad you've been until you start getting better I guess. When I look back, all of the justifications, all of the excuses have been like a hood over my head. It's hard to imagine my life without booze as part of the "equation". I did it to relax. I did it to socialize and have fun. I did it to feel accepted. I did it to slowly kill myself without ever admitting it.

I'll keep working on having the prettiest Harley I've ever seen. During that, maybe I'll start to believe I'm worth something. Maybe I'll start to like who I am, and be able to really look at myself in the mirror. Hibiscus tea huh? I'll give it a try!

:hug:

[Liberation Angel]

20. I REALLY believe that the craving to feel GREAT trumps almost all drugs, BUT...

the fact is that years of any self abuse like booze or drugs, smoking etc tke a reall heay toll on one's liver nd other organs (and the brin) so you REALLY have to work on getting the right stuff and nutrients and healing phytochemicals (life giving plants and foods, berries, antioxidents, etc).

I buy Hibiscus flowers in bulk either at the natural food store or lots of bodega's and/jamaican caribean markets have them (probably some north african and egyption too where it is very popular). I prefer it sweet (never artificial sweetener). I have tea strainers and just either use a natural one or stainless steel and pour boiling water over the crushed flowers (I d=crush them in a mortar and pestle but it isn't required).

I also, btw, recommend buying hops from any brew store or at natural food stores because one of the hardest side effects of booze is damage to the sleep cycle. Hops help you get good sleep and stay asleep and feel rested in the morning without being groggy (they are also good for your prostate!).

One other thing for the liver :turmeric with black pepper (I make scrambled eggs or curried rice with this yellow healing herb) for ionflammation and it heals the liver. Get milk thistle too which heals the liver (capsules). I did a research study where I discovered thaty almosty every alcohol dependent person had vitamin b deficiency so getting that may help and help with stress but they do need to be taken with food (simple banana and yoghurt or kefir helps a lot too and even most lactose intolerant folks can take yoghurt with natural live cultures to help heal the gastrointestinal system.

My father worked with herbs and healing medicinal plants and i picked it up from him. Works miracles which most traditional medicine never even dreams of..

Do a quick wiki or google search of turmeric and liver (and pepper which helps the body absorb the turmeric) and also of hibiscus tea. The research and clinical studies are remarkable.

Let me know how ypu like the hibiscus tea. I grow my own in the sumer time for the flowers.

[Solly Mack]

16. All the best!

[Altoid_Cyclist]

17. I was lucky. I was able to stop by myself after a few false steps.

I had an Ozzy Osbourne like epiphany. I just woke up one day and as he said; I just decided that I was sick & tired of being sick & tired.

I was fortunate that I never killed anyone while driving. I know people who weren't as lucky and I just shudder when I realize that it could have been me. I also probably should have died quite a few times from alcohol toxicity.

At first you might think that you're missing something that you really enjoy, but that's just the pleasure center part of the brain trying to lure you back in. You're stronger than that and things will get easier each day, week and month.

I noticed that you enjoy music. That's one of the key aids is to have something that you enjoy. My replacement became bicycling and that was a better rush than any substance could ever give me.

Above all else, never be too proud or ashamed to ask for help if/when you need it. It's hard to believe it some times, but fellow human beings can be an invaluable asset in times of need.

Good luck in your new and improved life!

[Hekate]

19. You'll find many here who've walked in your shoes and will be glad to "talk"...

Best of luck to you, EnviroBat. :grouphug:

Hekate

[barbtries]

21. best of luck to you

and keep us posted please.

[EFerrari]

22. Congratulations, Envirobat.

Don't worry about people who don't understand. They will take care of themselves. You take care of you right now.

:hug:

[spanone]

23. i quit drinking and told a lifelong friend about it...whom i had drank heavily with for years

he said he was 'sorry for me'. at first i was really pissed.......now i feel 'sorry for him'


sometimes you gotta go down you're own road.....a road with no hangovers or blackouts