Black screen; soft swoosh of waves breaking on a beach with an overlay of seabirds

[Atticus]

calling in the distance. Screen fills with white clouds against a shockingly blue sky; camera pans down to a man who is stylishly but casually dressed and who is looking out to sea. As if just noticing the camera, he turns, smiles a sort of embarrassed smile and nods toward the breakers.

"Not so long ago, some were saying this had been ruined forever. They said the Gulf would be awash with gooey black crude oil for decades", the man seriously intones, turning to walk slowly along the beach. The camera follows; his companion now.

"They're not going to like what our scientists have determined to be the facts. They are going to roll their eyes and ridicule what I'm going to tell you because it doesn't fit their radical, liberal, anti-business agenda," he tells us, his voice rising in intensity. "But, that's OK. We have come to expect no less from these people." At this point, the man stops and turns to squarely confront the camera.

"Truth is" he begins, squinting slightly in the bright sunlight, "BP has now recovered EVERY LAST DROP of oil that hasn't already evaporated naturally into the atmosphere. We have it right over here" the man assures us, motioning to his right.

With a triumphant grin---a smirk, some would say---he leads us over to a picnic table topped by a small cooler. The camera focuses on his face as he opens the cooler an reaches inside.

"All of that 'terrible oil'; all of that 'pollution'; all of that substance that would 'likely kill the Gulf of Mexico' is right here---in this Hellman's Mayonnaise jar." He holds it up for us to inspect, the smirk more pronounced than ever.

Putting the jar of goop back into the cooler he again watches the gulls wheeling above the surf and, before strolling away down the shore, cautions us: "Think about this---what you've just seen with your own eyes---the next time environmental extremists try to tell you offshore drilling endangers our shores, our marshes, our---birds and such."

The camera pans slowly out to sea and fades to black after a formation of pelicans sweeps into and out of the frame.

Voice-over concludes with a determined: "BP---because America deserves us".