My 8 year old's teacher gave my husband a call today about her 'naughty note passing'

[TexasLady]

Ok, so we all have done it. Kids around the world have done the note passing. Here's why this was a little different, and I'm foaming at the mouth.

First, I really like her teacher. She seems laid back and always tells me that Ive got myself a great kid. And she is! Hey, we've got five between us, and she is the 'easiest' by far. No back talk. No disobedience to speak of, etc.. She's a great kid.

Apparently the note really bothered the principal, as my daughter was sent to the office. My husband got a call about the note saying the following: 'let's talk about sex at recess' and she passed to a friend of hers, a girl. That was all we knew at the time, and I didn't call the school back, as it didn't seem to be that big of a deal. We are pretty open about talking about sex with our kids..but after she got home, TSHTF as it were. Not for what she did, but what she told me.

After my daughter gets home, shaking and scared, I ask her to tell me what happened. She said that her friend was asking about 'sex' and wondered what my daughter knew about it. Really innocent stuff. She was sent to the principal, by the teacher. Later on, as my daughter explained to me this afternoon, the principal told her' if you were my kid, I'd spank your behind and send you to your room'. Oh. Hell. NO.
Then, gestapo style, she said they cleaned out her desk to see if they could find more naughty 'evidence', Which they did not.


Ok, so I call my husband. I tell him, put off all your work, we have a little trip to make in the morning. Im LIVID. I can't believe that WOMAN would speak to my child like that.

I hope to God I am more calm in the morning. I'm kinda like Roseanne when it comes to dealing with uptight schools and rules. I just don't sweat the small stuff. But apparently a certain principal decided to make a mountain out of a molehill, and I'm going to have to verbally beat this woman's sorry behind myself.... sorry, Im venting.

So, yeah. Yippee, I get to confront the principal of this elementary school. Thank goodness my husband is more calm and collected.



The only ass whoopin' I see in the future is the one I want to give this principal. I told my daughter that I was more upset by the note passing(getting caught really) than what the note said.

Good ol Texas school system. What a load of CRAP, huh?

[greenbriar]

1. don't over react

and really if the school didn't question the content, I would be worried

and 8 is really pretty young to be talking about sex at school

[AspenRose]

3. Unfortunately, not these days

My rule of thumb is that if kids are old enough to ask questions, they're old enough to know the truth (age appropriately, of course).

And they get younger every year.

[TexasLady]

10. yep. And she's the youngest in a house full of teens.

I learned long ago that no matter how 'weird' the question, it deserved an answer.

[JuniperLea]

27. Well said

All kids are different in this regard. Tell them when they ask... not saying you have to go full on graphic, but you can tell them as much as you think they can handle, enough to answer the questions... if they ask more questions, tell them a little more. All three of my kids were different about this.

[TexasLady]

5. No, I understand that.

WHat makes me so angry is how this principal suggests to my daughter that she needed an ass whooping for her'transgression'.

I was going to just deal with it, but now I have to deal with this woman scaring the crap out of my kid.

[July]

12. That (the ass-whooping remark) is the "red flag."

It sounds as if the principal has already decided what your daughter meant by her note, and what should be done about it.

I hope you can push back; my experience with school principals (and my mother was one!) is that their first instinct is to protect their own (i.e., the teachers).

Don't let them stick a label on your child.

[JuniperLea]

28. And THAT is the real issue here!

She scared the crap out of your kid. The reasons behind it are secondary. This is no education professional!

[Iris]

43. Right! That's something no principal should say to a child.

Why does she think her parenting skills (or lack of them) would be of any concern to an 8 year old child?

[HiFructosePronSyrup]

6. ...

"and 8 is really pretty young to be talking about sex at school"

:spray:

[Cha]

34. Yeah,

right!

[HiFructosePronSyrup]

45. I'd like to know who these people are.

And whether or not they've figured out there's no such thing as santa claus.

[TheFriendlyAnarchist]

40. Not really. Sex is normal to know at least the basics of what it is at about 1st grade

Believe me, that was only 8 years ago for me. It's probably even younger now.

However, I can understand a teacher possibly being worried about abuse, however it seemed like they were just a bunch of uptight sexually repressed asses to me :shrug:

[Jazzgirl]

51. My mom never hid anything from me and answered

all my questions no matter what. She answered them at the level she thought I could understand and believe me, they weren't sugar-coated. Her mom was straight-up with she and my aunt and they taught me and my cousin the same way. Sex is a natural part of life and questions come in stages. They never told us we were too young to know anything. If we were curious enough to ask we deserved a real answer.

JG

[gollygee]

56. Does she know someone whose mom has recently had a baby?

If so she's been wondering about, and asking someone. To us at our age, sex is something different than it is to a pre-pubescent child. To them, it's just this mysterious thing that leads to babies. And they're very curious about where babies come from and how it all happens.

[ORDagnabbit]

2. You go girl!!! be articulate and let them know how you feel

and how you feel they overstepped their boundaries.

[Bjornsdotter]

4. Give 'em hell

...I would. Also you may want to make a point to take the note with you and also next school year pop in to the office and view your daughter's file.....just to make sure that there is no mention of it in her file. There may be a waiting period to view the file, some states it's 24 hours and an administrator will be in the office while you view it.

Cheers

[TexasLady]

7. thanks I will do that. I havent seen the note yet.

I will definitely ask to see it.

[hlthe2b]

8. I remember when I was a pre-teen, I got sent to the principal

Now, I was really a "goody two-shoes" and straight A student, so this was a big deal--LOL

It seems that a teacher intercepted a note I had passed that included a paragraph from a Flip Wilson skit (for the really youngsters, Flip Wilson was a comedian in the 70s with a pretty damned innocent show that only hinted at anything more and his fav character was a flamboyant female, Geraldine). Well, the principal tried to shame me at the extremely non-descriptive connotations from this "script" and asked me "what my mother would say..." I, without hesitation said, well, she'd laugh hysterically, because she had helped me transcribe it the night before!

THat shut him right up! I never heard more about it~!

[TexasLady]

9. LOL thanks for sharing that

I remember flip's show. We used to wait at the bus stop, singing our version of..'here comes the bus, here comes the bus' instead of here comes the judge.
loved that show!

[AspenRose]

15. I guess the devil made you do it.

;-)

[hlthe2b]

54. Ain't that the truth...

Another Flip Wilson Fan, I see....:toast:

[Monk06]

11. Two eight year old girls talking about sex is as innocent as a couple of puppies..

barking at a rubber ball.

[TexasLady]

16. thank you. I totally concur.

she knows what all my kids knew at her age. They knew more, as they asked more. Dammit I have an 18 yr old that is really proud to be a virgin. Not to say she isnt curious! but Im soo proud of her respecting herself and her body, despite the boys out there pressuring her all the time, as well as her friends. She knows it's her body, her decision, and her life. She's a great example to her little sister.

[Clark2008]

60. Most of the conversation probably would consist of..

"Ewwwww," "Yicky," "Gross," "Ewwwwwwww."

:)

--> Mother of an 8-year-old boy who has a baby sister due any day and was told, flat out, how she got in Mommy's belly. He pretty much sat there with a disgusted look on his face. :rofl: He thinks girls are "icky" right now, in that regard.

[in_cog_ni_to]

13. Make sure the principle knows you talk openly about sex and that's why your daughter didn't

see anything wrong with discussing it with her friend. It's an open topic at home. THAT should frost her FRIGID ASS.:) That's the tact I would take. Then I would make sure she knows she is NEVER to threaten my child again. She'll probably deny what she said........been there, done that.....so just be prepared for the denial bit,

[blogslut]

14. One of the coolest realizations I had as a parent was

when it came to my child's education. I emerged from the public school system knowing it was terribly flawed. When I saw some of the same crap I saw as a girl happening to my kid, a light went on...

"Oh yeah. I'm the parent now. I have parent power! Awesome!

Use it judicially but do not be afraid to use it. Power on, my friend.

[seabeyond]

64. i am the parent. not the teacher, or the school, or police or govt.

i am the parent

there are handful of times i have looked my kids in the eyes to let them know hwo is the boss when dealing with the and i do not hand over my rights and responsiblities. you are right, it is a cool realization to come to. to walk into these situations with this kowledge is a powerful thing

[BattyDem]

17. Kids are curious about sex.

I remember having similar conversations with my friends at age 8 or 9 ... and I'm 39.

We didn't really know much, but everyone had a little piece of info, so we were able to figure it out, more or less.

My point is ... kids have been doing this for ages. It's normal and natural to be curious and we all wanted to know what our friends knew so we could compare notes. So why did the principal freak out? :shrug: Why would you spank a child (or threaten a child) for being curious about a normal, natural part of life? That principal had no right to make your daughter feel like she was doing something dirty/wrong or that she deserved punishment. I'd be ticked off, too!

[TexasLady]

18. battydem, you hit the nail on it's head.

I remember in third grade, passing a note that had as many naughty words as we could think of. Of course, I added what my parents said all the time, and was then spanked at home anyway. Oh well. Daddy said it was because I was in trouble at school. Period.

I understand my daddy's point of view. But his viewpoint aint mine and never will be.

[gollygee]

26. I agree 100% !!!!!

My friends and I tried to figure out about the whole sex thing by talking about it with each other. All kids do that. This is completely normal and there was no reason for the teacher to so blow it out of proportion. I'd think a teacher would have taken some classes on child development and would know that kids that age are curious about and talk about sex.

[Extend a Hand]

19. that is a load of crap...but

I think you have to ask yourself what you hope to accomplish by a confrontation with the principle.
You can't undo what's already been done. Is the school going to take further action or are they dropping the matter?

You've already calmed and comforted your daughter. If the school is taking no further action I think I'd be inclined to tell my child to refer any inquiries to me and just pretend it never happened. People can be awfully vindictive and that principal woman has already shown herself to be less than reasonable.

[RC]

31. The point is you can't let people like the principle get away with what she did.

It just empowers them.

[Madspirit]

20. What a load of crap

I'm a Texan too. Keep your cool but be sure they know just how angry you really are and how much you think they really overreacted AND make sure they know they scared your little child. What a bunch of uptight freaks.
Good luck and let us know how it goes.
Lee

[Spinzonner]

21. Don't involve your daughter in a war

between you and the principal unless she is willing to do so and is understanding of where it might lead. Remember she will have to live with the consequences, especially if it goes public

But, what you should get from the principal:

1. A direct, personal apology from the principal to your daughter for what the principal said and why it was wrong.

2. A written, signed acknowledgment of error and an apology for you to retain.

3. Removal of any negative information from any files on your daughter, or, if that is not possible because of document retention rules, a copy of the aforementioned document.

Be assertive but not combative. Don't start out in a confrontational mode. It makes people defensive and hardens their positions, especially if they are already self-righteous like the principal sounds.

If any embarrassment of your daughter was public than a verbal apology should be also to the same audience. I suggest that might include one in the context of explaining why she was sent home; that itself could start rumors with her classmates.

[SemperEadem]

22. I think that the principal was completely out of line

I think that intimidating children by insinuating violence in any form against that child's person is completely out of line. All that she needed to say to her was that she would be speaking with you and your husband. I hope that you're able to make your views clear to her.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

23. What the principal said to your daughter was inappropriate.

Make sure you breathe while you're telling her...It'll help you keep your cool.
Don't let it turn into a shouting match, even if she tries to. Try to find out why the principal had this reaction to the kids' natural, healthy curiosity about sex.
You might ask:
Why shouldn't 8 year olds discuss sex with each other?
Is there something in the school manual that prohibits this?

I was in the grocery store a few weeks ago with my 8 year old when he said, quite matter-of-factly, with a number of people standing around, "Mom, let's talk about sex." I had to bite my cheeks to keep from laughing, as heads turned in our direction. I just said, "Well, it's kind of hard to discuss sex while you're trying to get the grocery shopping done. We'll talk about it when we're finished here." :rofl:

[TexasLady]

32. excellent advice! she's my youngest...

and of all the crazy stuff that my other teens have put me through, this one is the LEAST of my worries! She's eight!

I've decided we will make our points, be willing to deal with denials etc.. and drop it afterwards.

Unless and until it comes up again.

We want it stricken from her records, if it is in them, and we also realize we have to deal with this school system until she graduates, like her brother and sister before her have at this district. My other daughter graduates on the 24th.

I really do love this school all in all.My 18 year old's deaf daughter's deaf ed teacher was at the Cindy Sheehan protest when we were, and he's been an advocate and friend even before then. He can pull some strings, and has been a wonderful person all these years with us.

I'm pissed right now, I know. I'll deal with this professionally in the morning, though. My husband and I will deal with it, and then drop it.

I don't need enemies. I need cooperation and understanding. Meanwhile, this principal WILL be called on tomorrow. That is a promise.

I don't want wars, but I don't want them to think we are complacent. NOt at all. Just going to do the best I can for my kid.

[earthside]

24. Paranoid Public Schools

You have my sympathy, I agree with your sentiment.

My daughter is in 7th grade; her middle school is a bastion of utter paranoia.

We're in the Denver area, so since Columbine the school environment has become increasingly repressive and hypersensitive. After Virgina Tech, I warned my daughter that the adminstrators would be going nuts -- sure enough that is what has happened.

My daughter has told me stories about kids who have been suspended because of notes that have been passed in the hallways and deemed to have "inappropriate content" ... things like writing slang like "it's the bomb" (I understand that means something is good), repeating certain music lyrics, turns of phrase like "I would kill to the party with Cody" ... so on and so forth.

Common sense and proportionality are gone ... the irrationale 'zero tolerance' culture has taken over inside the school building -- and even outside the school building. Students better not even post the wrong thing on MySpace because if the administration finds out, a child might get suspended for that, too.

Of course, if you ask a principal or certain kinds of parents about this overbearing hypersensitivity, you get gasps and accusations that you must want another Columbine.

Meanwhile, the kids pick-up on this adult over-protectiveness, they intuitively know that school is just not as fun as it should be, that adults in positions of authority are hardasses that have no sense of joy.

I cannot wait until my daughter is out of the public schools -- I love most of the teachers and she is getting a pretty good education. As an informed and responsible parent, however, the administration of the schools are increasing occupied by humorless, risk averse, overly cautious bureaucrats.

[janx]

30. I ran into a situation in Colorado with my son, in high school.

He'd been reading some Oscar Wilde at home...He loved acting in plays, and didn't get a part that he wanted to get. His English teacher nixed him for the part. How much of this played into what he did, I still don't know. (He's 25 now and doing very well.) In any case, he had to write a paper for class and he got kind of WILDE with it. It wasn't a smart thing to do, but the overreaction really bothered me.

At the time, he was coming down with what I thought was a bad flu (it turned out to be strep throat).

I got a note from the principal requesting a meeting. I took him there, as sick as he was, to find out what the heck was going on.

His English teacher accused him of sexual harassment, and the principal backed her up on it. I asked why I hadn't gotten a call, and the principal said, with the smarmiest expression, that she called the "liquor store" where I worked, but that I wasn't there. At the time I was teaching college English, and I told her I didn't know what she meant. She kept trying to ask my son questions, and it took him some time to answer because he was ill. She then accused him of faking it!

I told both the teacher and the principal that he had been reading Oscar Wilde, and that what he did was totally inappropriate, but it was in no way sexual harassment of his teacher.

I'll never forget that meeting. It was horrible, and the principal was awful. Unsurprisingly, she was fired a couple of years later.

[Solly Mack]

25. I'd have been so suspended or expelled in this day and age

We talked about sex in school...giggled mostly. :)

[Left Is Write]

67. We passed around a copy of "Forever", with the "good parts"

underlined and paperclipped. That was at about age 10.

[Solly Mack]

68. I remember that book making the rounds!

lol

[JuniperLea]

29. I hope your daughter is alright!

What a horrible experience! What your daughter did was as natural as breathing! I'm sure you've already told her this; you seem quite on the ball in this regard.

I would calmly, firmly, and thoroughly verbally kick the holy crap out of this principal, letting her know in no uncertain terms that her actions ran the risk of permanently harming your daughter, not only sexually, but educationally! Thankfully, it sounds as if you have a great relationship with her, and you have already nipped it in the bud. But that doesn't mean this bitch didn't risk great harm to your child!

I wish you calm... I know how furious I would be!!

[TexasLady]

33. your words mean more to me than you know.

I am soo going to rely on my rock of a husband. He deals with most negative stuff, because he knows that I come unglued as a protective parent. He's the reasonable one, where I just go off. But I won't. It won't help my daughter any to act like that. I'm a loon sometimes, but I do know this about myself..LOL.

I think that, according to my daughter, she understands that mom and dad won't have any of this BS, and that while we want her to be productive, honest, follow the rules, etc.. we also won't tolerate someone that makes her scared and makes threats of any kind.

I'm just hoping it will be quick and thorough, and that her start in school next year will be uneventful. Boy do I hope....

[JuniperLea]

39. I'm an Irish hot head...

I always have to tell myself that it's content, not volume, that makes a point stick. When it comes to my kids, I get as mad as a wet hen!! I felt that same vibe in your OP. I'm so glad you have a rock!

Hugs to you and your whole family...

:grouphug:

[TexasLady]

47. thanks!!!

Yeah, Im like that. Im laid back with my kids, but I get ballistic with what others try to tell me is 'right or wrong'.

The kids know. and we as parents know.

I'm a meanie when it comes to my kids disrespecting others, etc..

She disrespected no one.

The principal is just being ridiculous.

[nini]

35. Reminds me of my ol' Catholic school days

we (the girls) got in big trouble for playing basketball with the BOYS!!

I got called into Mother Gabriel's office with a few other heathen girls and were reamed about what we did. 'don't you know what can happen if you play basketball with boys???????'..... uh no. We were playing basketball and wanted to beat them. :shrug:

it was pretty funny but we were afraid we were get in real trouble which we didn't.




As far as your daughter goes, she sounds like a normal kid who is curious about these sexual things. I think they may have over reacted but you may be in a good place to teach them something - that not every kid who is curious is a pervert and remind them of that - they're just curious like any kid that is coming of age is.

good luck.

[TexasLady]

36. thanks nini and may I say

that beautiful child in your post is just that, beautiful!

reminds me so much of an adorable little girl I used to take care of.

[nini]

38. Thanks... that's my grandson

he'll be 3 tomorrow - I can't believe how fast he's growing up!

[TexasLady]

41. he's a doll!

aww, tell him happy birthday, and I can hardly wait to have my own grandbabies! He's just adorable!

[nini]

42. Grandkids are WAY BETTER than kids

You will love it!! :-)


thanks

[calteacherguy]

37. In California the principal could probably get fired for saying that.

Don't know what it is like in your state.

[Iris]

46. fired? Or reprimanded?

As I mentioned further up the thread, it's inappropriate, but I think firing is extreme.

[calteacherguy]

52. Depends on the district and school board.

Firing would be a definite possiblity for sure. A principal has no business saying "If I were your parent I'd.....," plus there was an implied physical threat which traumatized the child.

In my opinion the principal should be fired.

[Iris]

61. yes - you have to wonder sometimes how people like that end up as school administrators.

But then again, can you imagine them in a classroom?

[TexasLady]

55. It's hell.

No other way to describe it. To be fair, the individuals make the schools here what they are. I don't care for the 'follow the book' types. Luckily, my kids have dealt with some awesome teachers.

For instance, my 14 year old was given the 'ritalin sentence' at age 6, but we fought against it. Found a doc that agreed with us, and are sure glad we did. Subsequent teachers can handle him, but those of us who know him, understand his humor, can appreciate his teachers frustrations. He decided to become a 'Jew', and has started all sorts of conversations with classmates and teachers. He isn't Jewish, but decided it would be funny to, in his mind, freak out the Christians at Christmastime and make them see 'his' point of view. Man, the stuff I deal with..lol...He is the class clown with a twist...Once in first grade, a boy was teasing him because he wore glasses. My son got tired of it, waited until the bully entered the restroom, then promptly shut and locked the boy's bathroom, after turning the lights off.

He got in trouble, but most of the teachers knew about this bully and kind of chuckled the whole thing off. My son was reprimanded, but deep inside he knew that his parents were behind him a hundred percent.

My 22 year old also had a bully in fourth grade. Some kid kept kicking him in the hallway, stealing his lunch, and calling him 'chucky'(he is a redhead). He also took the 'restroom' route. He waited till the bully was in the restroom with him, then proceeded to whoop this bully's butt. The teachers came in, pulled my son off of this kid, called us, and to this day these two are good friends.

It's not like I havent dealt with bs. The same oldest son did something really mean, and made fun of a girl who came out of 'sex ed' class. He was out of line, and suffered consequences. I know my kids aren't saints, but dadgummit, they are thoughtful kids that really do well for the most part.

Probably because their mamma really HAS done some rotten things, and didnt want to see her kids follow her footsteps!

I love reading about how other parents deal with this. It helps.

[theboss]

44. Times have apparently changed

When my dad was a principal, he used to threaten kids about his "electric paddle," which - you know - never actually existed.

I find something odd here, I must say. What 8-year-old out of the blue starts asking another 8-year-old about sex? I mean, maybe I'm just completely out of touch as the 30-something without kids, but that just strikes me funny. What has that kid been exposed to that makes her ask that question?

That's where my issue would have been.

[gollygee]

48. A friend or relative who is pregnant or has recently had a baby

that's what seems to start their curiosity about sex from what I've seen.

[Iris]

I can remember talking about sex with my friends in 5th grade, which was when I was about 9.

The school system in Maryland where I was enrolled actually had a graduated sex ed program that started in 5th grade, so they were just in time. However, they were talking about dating and marriage while we were having discussion about what a lesbian is.

[HiFructosePronSyrup]

50. Did you leave a 0 out of 300?

Seriously, how old are you?

[TexasLady]

57. No problems here. I'll tell you why.

My 18 year old was dating a boy that I had a few problems with. Number one on the list was that he had a daughter. For him, that's fine, but that was asking an awful lot from my daughter. She made a decision that it was just too much for her, at her age, to deal with this boy with a ready made family. She really and truly wants to remain a virgin until her personal time is 'right'. This is personal, and right for her.

The youngest, Im sure, overheard a lot of this. Also, if questions come up about gay issues, I set my kids straight immediately that calling someone a 'fag', etc, is wrong. Well, that leads to gay-sex questions, and I answer those best I can too, according to age. I'll never forget my oldest asking that very question at the age of eight.

If this kid asked my daughter questions, so what. If my kid asked HER questions, so what.

I recall getting little answered at my daughter's age, and trying to figure it out amongst my friends.

My issue will always be, why did the principal scare the crap out of my kid, by suggesting that she was somehow a 'pervert' or was taught to BE one, or had been molested, etc..I know I know the stuff that goes through people's minds, including my own. She never had a babysitter, never been messed with as far as I know..she's been with me since day one. Im a boring stay at home Mom that is probably a little too protective.

I get so frustrated with people that automatically assume that she 'had to have been messed with' because she is curious about sex.

[Jazzgirl]

49. Whip that ass TexasLady!!!

I am in shock that they made a big deal out of it. I had a progressive mom who was also a teacher and she would be just as livid as you are if this had happened to me. Jesus, don't they understand that kids are gonna talk about sex. Its a normal thing!!! There is nothing illicit or smutty about it. It doesn't matter what your daughter's friend wanted to ask the thing is the friend trusted your daughter to tell her the truth because YOU ALL taught her the right things!!! I am feelin' you TexasLady. I live in Texas too and this really pisses me off!!!


JG

[TexasLady]

58. hugs jazzgirl

I knew Id be asking for a little bit of heartache by posting this. Innocence and questioning really is the only underlying thing here.

We know our kids, dont we? and by GOD I know mine. I know my baby wasn't into a Paris HIlton, grown woman, naughty girl, type of mentality.

I plan on asking this principal if she has kids..and going from there...it won't matter probably, but judge not, lest ye be...well u know the rest...

[LoZoccolo]

53. My advice is to handle this very skillfully, and without emotion, because it could backfire hugely.

I learned pretty much everything about sex by word of mouth from other kids just like a lot of other people. My parents never gave me "the talk" about how babies are made, so it was pretty much left to popular culture and gossip to educate me in this area.

That having been said, these people at your school don't seem to understand this pretty basic tendency of kids to try to make sense of what adults talk about amongst themselves but don't seem to want to talk about with them. If these professional educators have gotten this far without understanding this, and went so far as to search your daughter's desk and all that, I don't think you are dealing with people who will react in predictable ways to your reprimand, and have a huge probability of overreacting again in some way. Be prepared to deal with a scenario wherein they freak out at you as well, like accuse you of being too permissive, before you confront them. You may find that it's just not worth it because you have to protect yourself.

[Twillig]

59. In fourth grade I wrote a note to my (most times) friend that said:

FUCK YOU!

The bastid ratted me out to Ms. Satchler.

She gave me a talking to, let me know it wasn't going to happen again, and got to the bottom of the rift in our friendship.

It seems (nay, it is) all I read about now is Teachers running right to the principal, who enforces some damn no-tolerance/no-commonsense rule from the school board.

How can kids learn respect for adults or authority anymore?

[bunkerbuster1]

62. Ask to record your meeting.

and do not tolerate "no" for an answer.

Put this thug on the record. You'll need back up if there's blowback, later, and it becomes a he said/she said thing.

I'm serious about this. If you don't have an audio recorder (digital is best) stop at a store and buy one.

[Nikki Stone1]

63. Go see the principal but line up an attorney

I get the idea that the principal will not back down or apologize. You may need to take her to court to teach her a lesson.

[muriel_volestrangler]

65. An attorney? For goodness' sake, that's way over-reacting

Let's review what the principal did: said they would have spanked the child if they were the parent. OK, I don't believe in spanking, but the child is probably aware that some people do - and saying they would, if they were her parent, is not awful.

The other thing done was searching her desk. Frankly, the 'gestapo' reference is hilarious. Schools are in loco parentis, and a simple search of a desk is something I think a parent has a right to. It's less private than, say, a child's room - and a parent entering an 8 year old's room is not a problem.

Thinking this is some legal matter is ridiculous.

[Nikki Stone1]

66. Threatening a child leaves you open to litigation

I'd get the family lawyer on board just in case.

[muriel_volestrangler]

69. The principal didn't threaten; he/she said "if I were your parent"

Getting a lawyer in to have the conditional tense explained would be an expensive lesson.

[TexasLady]

70. update:

We talked to the principal this morning.
She explained the events much the same way that my D did. Was very cordial blah blah blah...

She commented that my D also had another questionable note. She told us that my d wrote 'Im a crazy mo fo', which made me and my H laugh, which did not amuse the principal. We all agreed that certain things are inappropriate at school, etc. but I dont think she appreciated us laughing. I really dont care.

We then asked about the spanking comment. She explained that she, too, had a second grader, and said that my D asked what she would do to HER daughter. and the principal told her then, that she would ' spank her behind and send her to her room' my h and i just looked at each other.

She also told us my daughter was bawling. My d said no she wasnt. D also told us that she had no idea that her principal had a D herself.

This afternoon, after school, I told my d that I was super proud of her for telling the truth. We know that the principal was not, and I told her that telling the truth is important for any age, no matter what.

We just want to put it behind us, and she had a really great day. Thurs. is awards day, so Im looking forward to that. At least my D knows that her parents back her up.

[militaryspouse]

72. I've

come across my 11yro's notes before. None of em were crass,or sexual in nature. I remember writing notes about having a crush on someone as a teen, or hey, 'call me when we get out of here' type notes... at 8 writing about sex wouldn't have even crossed my mind, and I'm still pretty young, so I didn't come out of the dark ages lol.

[bunkerbuster1]

73. Wow. Wonder how your 2nd grader will process this

Learning that her primary non-parental authority figure is a liar; that's pretty brutal.

I hope that my own daughter (one year younger than yours) won't have to face something as awful as that anytime soon.

OTOH, I suppose you can never learn too early in life that some of the people who claim to be wise and decent really aren't.

[Jeffersons Ghost]

71. you tell um, ma'am

it simply sounds like kids horsing around to me instead of some federal case. Only in Texas and the deep south do we have to put up with such horse-shit.

[youthere]

74. Oh fer' the love of pete!

And we wonder why our society is so hung up about sex! The message that principle sent to your child (in a horribly horribly inappropriate way) was that sex is dirty and disgusting and that the mere mention of the word will grind society to a halt. They searched her DESK? The principal would "Spank her Behind"?
My head is exploding and it's not even my kid! I'd like to have a crack at that principal myself!
GIVE.HER.HELL.


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