Top Five Regrets of the Dying

[begin_within]

I thought this was an interesting and thought-provoking article.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Top-Five-Regrets-of-the-Dying&id=3268063

[some guy]

1. probably needs a kick every once in a while

it's getting rec's, but no kicks.

Thanks!

[elocs]

79. Kicks will give it more visibility than Recs for all the obsession about Recs here.

In 2 days you can't Rec it, but you can kick it. In fact you can kick it to the top of GD next week.

[kentuck]

2. kick

thought-provoking

[alfredo]

3. 6. Couldn't get Jodie Foster to love me.

[onehandle]

5. Have you tried shooting at President Ford?

Kidding.

[wtmusic]

6. Doesn't work. But abusive ranting seems to light her fire.

"The second I met him, I said, 'I will love this man for the rest of my life'".

http://movies.sbc.yahoo.com/news/usmovies.accesshollywood.com/jodie-foster-not-abandoning-mel-gibson-during-his-dark-moment

[alfredo]

9. Even major league assholes need someone on their side

But Mel, come on Jodie, the guy has gone to the dark side and seems to like it.

[wtmusic]

10. Those recordings sound like classic cocaine rants.

There may be other issues, but I'd be willing to bet substance abuse is the #1 culprit.

[alfredo]

43. His father was a Nazi sympathizer. That's probably where

he got his hate speech. Yeah, Mel is fucked in the head, maybe an addict.

[northernlights]

69. she has a movie coming out, and he's in it

she has to support him. she hired him before the crap hit the fan. now she has to see it through. it's her job.

[alfredo]

7. Naw, that was Squeaky.

You know she is out of prison.

[onehandle]

21. Got my gun nutcases mixed up.

Hinckley was the one obsessed with Jodie Foster.

[alfredo]

42. He was from a very Republican family closely associated

with the Bush family.

[EFerrari]

16. 7. Mother ship never came.

[alfredo]

58. It came but they wanted me to remove my shoes first, then

hang up my coat in the closet where it belongs, and not put my feet on the coffee table. Then I would have had to listen to how my sister was better than me, and how Johnny next door is now a doctor and I'm not. Oh yeah, and next time get a hair cut before coming over.

[Ishoutandscream2]

80. 8. How the hell could I have ever voted Republican?

[onehandle]

4. Dunno if that's just dying. I can relate to much of that and I'm not going anywhere anytime soon. n

[gateley]

12. Yes, I understand. I feel the same way. nt

[Withywindle]

8. I suspect my #1 will probably be...

..."I wish I had health insurance."

[alfredo]

11. I have few regrets. I've lived the life I wanted.

[gateley]

13. You are enviable. I wish I'd had the courage. I'm so happy for you. nt

[alfredo]

44. I was unable to fit in, so I gave up on trying. Much happier

than my peers from high school.

[alphafemale]

67. Me too.

My sister who has always seemed to have a great house, and a great car and all that other "great" stuff...not long ago told me that she was "jealous" of me. And that she wished she had my free spirit.

[alfredo]

70. I was the free spirit too. I was stubborn, incorrigible to the point they

Tried to put me in a reform school. They tried beating the free spirit out of me, but that only made me more determined. In the sixth grade my sister said I was beaten every day at school because of fighting and giving the teachers lip. I don't remember sixth grade except for an assembly to tell us what school we would be going to the next year.

I don't know if it was conscious choice, but I went that direction. It was probably a fight or flight situation. I fought for myself instead of fleeing from myself.

[alphafemale]

91. sounds like you could have used less of the paddle and a few more of these

:hug:

[alfredo]

93. The sting of the paddle

was offset by the love and protection of my grandmother.

[alphafemale]

94. At least you had somebody

I adore "bad" kids. So long as they're not mean to others.

[alfredo]

95. My granny and my older sister kept me grounded.

[hlthe2b]

15. or I wish I'd moved to Canada when I had the chance...

:shrug:

[Withywindle]

18. Or, I wish I'd had the chance.

I so want a Canadian or EU spouse right now (and I'm bi and those countries are civilized and enlightened on civil rights issues, so gender is no object).

I just feel that, if I got hit by a car or diagnosed with cancer now, it would bankrupt all my relatives, because I have no insurance and, well, I have a family that won't let me die without exploring all alternatives. (A lot of them don't have insurance either, and I would gladly cash out what little remains of my Clinton-vintage 401k to help them if they really needed it.)

If it comes down to that, I'd rather my death come instantly than have it take a lot of hospital time and equipment and medication and cause a lot of debt and foreclosures and depletion of retirement savings.

[begin_within]

23. I'll definitely agree with that

I'm in favor of respecting a patient's wishes regarding terminal illness and life-support systems. I don't see the point in prolonging a person's life unnecessarily, if they are suffering or in pain and there is no hope for recovery. In addition to the issue of the high cost of medical treatment keeping someone alive... just the ethical issue of why prolong someone's suffering.

[hlthe2b]

26. Oh, I didn't have a ready handed "chance"

but when younger, with effort, I could raised the money required to show sufficient self-sufficiency to have become qualified to immigrate, given I had the educational background that would have given me some priority.

[femrap]

36. Since our Health 'Care' System

takes our last dime, I believe we have to go beyond the DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) orders and develop the KMN (Kill Me Now) order upon entering a hospital with a disease that's no fun to die with.

I'm all for assisted suicide.

[femrap]

37. Since our Health 'Care' System

takes our last dime, I believe we have to go beyond the DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) orders and develop the KMN (Kill Me Now) order upon entering a hospital with a disease that's no fun to die with.

I'm all for assisted suicide.

[Warpy]

19. Mine, too. My life would have been very different

had I not lived in constant fear my illness would turn ugly and that I wouldn't have saved enough for even minimal treatment. It would really have been different if I didn't have to pinch every single penny I ever had in order to pay my out of pocket health costs.

Even now, I inherited what should be a middle class life, but I'm afraid to spend anything because of my health.

I'd have been able to do so much more with my life had I had the simple comfort of health insurance, something the rest of the world takes for granted.

[Withywindle]

20. How can anyone save enough for even minimal treatment?

I see enough of car accident-type treatments that cost 3 times my annual salary. The price of six months of chemo? I don't think I've made that much in my whole life.


Hell, these days, there's no guarantee that even if you've forked out the thousand-a-month for premiums to the insurance vultures for years that they won't find an excuse to drop you when you need them most.

I'm serious. I don't want to bankrupt my family. Just let me go. I'd want my cat's vet to do it. I'd be fine with that.

[Warpy]

35. Minimal treatment means the drugs to control my primary condition

to the point I could continue to work and more or less take care of myself at home. It meant no preventive care, ever. It also meant living in terror of serious injury or illness.

Mostly, it meant saving every nickel or dime that didn't go to food or medicine so that I could get things like antibiotics for the occasional case of bronchitis.

It's a horrible way to live.

[DirkGently]

24. Excellent.

[Greyhound]

14. Very cool.

There's only one left on the list for me, and I have no means of fixing it yet.

[Kablooie]

17. 8. I should'a had'a V8.

[Bunny]

22. I think the most important piece of advice in that article is that you can choose to be happy.

Happiness is a choice, not a goal, and no one and/or no thing can 'make' you happy.

[hunter]

49. Off my meds I cannot "choose to be happy."

Even with antidepressants my mental state tends to the dark side.

Oh well. Maybe it keeps me out of certain kinds of trouble. A manic me would be a dangerous fellow.

[DavidDvorkin]

25. If true

We only have the person's word that these were the top five things the dying people mentioned.

[Uncle Joe]

28. 1. Her occupation would put her in an ideal position to know.

2. Her list of top five things seem most logical to me.

Edit for paragraph.

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.

[DavidDvorkin]

46. You'll also find police, nurses, and EMTs who swear that the "Lunar Effect" is real

But it isn't.

People in all professions unconsciously select data to support their preconceived notions.

[Uncle Joe]

48. I agree that people subconsciously select data to support their preconceived notions, but

I also view conversation, question and answers; particularly if there is legitimate curiosity more akin to the conscious section of the mind.

The Lunar Effect plays in to many pre-conceived notions having nothing to do with logical query.

[Subdivisions]

32. Yea? So? n/t

[Bragi]

33. What, are you demanding links to sources?

[DavidDvorkin]

45. Nope, just some corroboration.

[Bragi]

47. Really?

You mean some corroboration that these are indeed the five things that this nurse has most commonly heard from people dying?

Sorry, that sounds to me like a ridiculous request. This is just a harmless but interesting set of observations that ring true to me. It isn't a peer-reviewed research article.

[etherealtruth]

68. Make me a second person saying it

I spent most of the 1990's working as a Hospice nurse .... these things ring fairly true ... the only regrets that I recall being mentioned more were deeply personal regrets ... usually associated with a difficult relationship with a specific person.

So, if I'm not lying that makes two people.

[TwilightGardener]

88. I don't buy it 100%, either. Really, it's a pretty easy article to write, if you've

got some imagination and read a lot. Not saying she's making it all up, but it's certainly possible that at least some of that was not from direct experience. Oh well, it's thought-provoking, either way.

[Uncle Joe]

27. Kicked and recommended.

Thanks for the thread, begin_within.:thumbsup:

[Catbird]

29. Kick

[Recursion]

30. I had a great math professor once

We were talking one day (he was rather old) and he said, "You know, if I could do it all over again, I would have made much more money".

[deaniac21]

31. That article is great.

[dem mba]

34. From Little Miss Sunshine

Grandpa: Listen to me, I got no reason to lie to you, don't make the same mistakes I made when I was young. Fuck a lotta women kid, not just one woman, a lotta women.

[femrap]

38. He should have added....

'and make sure to wear a condom.' But then I'm not the screenwriter.

I did think the movie was funny...what a look at the way our culture views little girls. As the Exterminator boss of 'Undercover Boss' said when he saw a rat, 'I'm gonna screw that like a little girl.'

And that song...what is it? Oh yeah, 'I love being a Girl.' :puke:

[BoneDaddy]

39. Life is a choice

should be the new mantra at DU where the locus of control is often blamed on everything but the individual's role in their own existence.

[joe black]

40. Bronnie is one cool lady.

Nomadden around.

[sammythecat]

41. huh?

"I wish that I had let myself be happier...Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice...Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness."

Oh.

OK.

[Bluenorthwest]

50. He not busy being born is busy dying

Check that list again, everybody, and take action!

[cbdo2007]

51. From my wife the hospice worker - family vacations

Usually the most memorable positive events in your life are family vacations. She hears over and over again from the families of deceased loved ones, their memories of fun family vacations that they took together, and all the different places they saw. These are important to them and stick with them because they took them out of their routine and the family can interact together without the stresses of everyday life.

Take vacations people!! Even if it's something small like a weekend at a B & B in a new place just a few hours away, or if you have to splurge to go on a family trip to Disneyland - more than any other family events, these will stick with you throughout your whole life.

[begin_within]

52. That's good

I've taken my Mom in her wheelchair to Yosemite twice, Yellowstone, Big Sur and Disneyland. And we go over to see the ocean at La Jolla about once a week. Even though she doesn't seem to remember being there now, if I show her the pictures it reminds her and I think the happy memories pile up and make her feel happier, even if she can't remember any details.

[Gator_Matt]

72. She's lucky to have you

I always like to hear about families sticking together. Nothing is more important. Hang in there.

[begin_within]

74. Thanks, though my family isn't exactly sticking together

My sisters do nothing to help take care of her. They think visiting her twice a year and buying/sending her a gift somehow fulfills their obligation.

[cbdo2007]

82. Sounds like they'll have their own regrets as they get older.

[begin_within]

85. Yes, I have no doubt that they will, and I won't.

But I still wish they would spend more time with my Mom now. For my Mom's sake, not mine.

[lapislzi]

55. Excellent advice!

Even the disasters can be recalled in all their hilarity years later. My daughter and I still joke about a Disney vacation with the "Disney Nazi" (my ex)...he found a way to make Disney World NOT fun!

And, to add...partnered people should also vacation alone with their partners from time to time. Time away from the kids enables you to rejuvenate your coupledom.

[klook]

62. Very true

And as a parent, you don't realize until your kids are grown just how quickly those years go by.

The good thing is, the family vacations don't have to stop when they're grown. :)

[nolabear]

53. It's been my experience as a therapist that people are deeply attached to their constraints.

Obviously I see the ones who are unhappy and want to do something about it, and then we get to explore how terrifying it can be to give up what we have to reach for what we want. You have to swap off risks and convictions and fears, and it can get very complicated. With luck, we can find a middle way together so it's manageable.

Good post!

[drmeow]

54. #2

2. I wish I didn't work so hard.

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

- Not if you're working poor. The working poor regret would be "I wish I hadn't had to work so hard." This is a very middle/upper class regret.

[valerief]

56. K&R

:kick:

[JackDragna]

57. Work less? Be happier? God damned commies!

This is America! I say, you work until you flop into your grave, alone, miserable and exhausted! It's the American way.

[WheelWalker]

59. Good find. Thank you.

Blessings.

[old mark]

60. One of my social work profs worked in hospices withthe dieing...she said several times

that NO ONE ever told her, "I wish I had spent more time at work."

Many times we don't understand what real treasure we have till we are losing it.


mark

[etherealtruth]

66. I "did" hospice nursing for most of my nursing career (in the 1990s)

after a stint as a stay at home mom I switched careers ... I work in the "science and engineering" field.

I share with my peers and coworkers on a very regular basis: No one ever wished they spent more time at work .... or helped the company make more money as they lay dying.

[old mark]

90. I went from engineering - drafting and design for clean rooms - to social work.

I'm very happily retired from both now.

mark

[Old Troop]

61. Why isn't "I wish I wasn't dying" in the top five?

[DavidDvorkin]

63. Hah!

[Uncle Joe]

64. Perhaps because when you get to that stage, dying is viewed as relief? n/t

[skepticscott]

65. Without even reading it

I'm willing to bet that one of them was not "Regret that I didn't watch more TV"

[Dead_Parrot]

71. Poet Sir John Betjeman, the year before he died:

Interviewer: "Do you have any regrets?"
Sir John: "Yes, I haven't had enough sex."

Inspiring words to live by. :evilgrin:

[scrubthedata]

73. Thanks for posting ... reminds me of my father...

... who, as he was declining, impressed on me that all you have at the end are memories of experiences ... and that one should live life in an effort to collect every experience possible because, good or bad, they are comfort at the end.

[HCE SuiGeneris]

75. Most excellent.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

[AlbertCat]

76. What! One of them wasn't "I wish I wasn't dying!"????

One has to die to get these things? Hasn't everybody seen the last act of "Our Town"?

Oh that's right! I forgot. Art and theatre are just for kids.

[SmileyRose]

77. kick

[Lucian]

78. "Dying people lie too.

Wish they'd worked less, been nicer, opened orphanages for kittens. If you really want to do something, you do it. You don't save it for a sound bite."
-- Dr. Gregory House

[Forkboy]

81. Regrets? I've had a few....

:P

Better to regret something done than something not done, that's all I know.

[PufPuf23]

83. The article hits hard personally. Thank you.

Started to write but complex and inappropriate to broadcast on intertubes.

[SmileyRose]

84. Hey

:hug:

[BlueIris]

86. Kick. Especially for number 3. nt

[Zanzobar]

87. I ain't buying it.

C'mon. No statistically significant sampling of her palliative care patients said, "I wish I'da listened to my old man and went to skool." or, "I wish I had work harder." or, "I wish I had kept my stupid mouth shut and not alienated everybody?, or, whatever.

Oh, how the fretting privileged simpletons love to confess their sins on their deathbeds. It sounds very much like the angst ridden pap one might discover on a soap opera. No sale.

[SpiralHawk]

92. My regret: that I bothered to read your response

nattering nabobbery and all that...

[Raine]

89. Interesting

THANKS for the link. :hi: