I think I stumbled onto the missing piece of the Tyler Clementi situation

[dsc]

I found a facebook page devoted to his memory and one of the links was to a youtube video of him playing violin for the praise team at Grace Church in Ridgewood New Jersey. It is clearly a conservative mege church from its website. Poor kid. I can only imagine how he felt knowing that thanks to what his roomates did he would be outed to a church like that. He had to feel so trapped.

http://www.gracechurchnj.net/about_grace_church.shtml

[stray cat]

1. Imagination?

[Fumesucker]

2. It's called "empathy"

Imagining something that happened to someone else happening to you and then taking note of the emotions it generates.

[TexasObserver]

15. No, understanding. Try it.

[Nostradammit]

19. I have encountered some insensitive people on the internet, stray cat -

but none with your keen talent for it.

[Sweet Charming Dem]

3. Do we know if he went there or if he just played music there?

I have a few friends that sing/play music for churches they otherwise have nothing to do with.

[dsc]

5. admittedly I don't know

so it may be or may not be the missing piece.

[S Calawag]

4. I wish I could have found a way to talk to these kids before they did the unthinkable

and tell them to fight back against the bastards. Nobody should ever have to be ashamed of who they are. This crap makes me so goddamn mad I often feel like violating my own pacific constitution. Tyler reminds me of Alan Turing from so long ago...even after he greatly contributed to if not virtually singlehandedly defeating the Nazis by breaking their 'Enigma' codes, he was driven to suicide by the threat of prosecution for private gay activity.

GRRR

[kath]

6. dsc, I think the family may be Catholic. I recalled reading a story last week that mentioned a

priest talking with the family. Here it is: http://www.nydailynews.com/news/ny_crime/2010/09/29/2010-09-29_rutgers_freshmen_busted_for_spying_on_fellow_students_online_sex_session_officia.html
"A priest spent about an hour Wednesday consoling the family at their Ridgewood, N.J., home."

The last name also indicates Catholic heritage.

[dsc]

7. thanks

now I feel even worse for the family given what the Catholic church thinks of suicide.

[kath]

10. dsc, the prohibition against Catholic burial for people who have committed suicide no longer exists:

Can Someone Who Committed Suicide be Buried in a Catholic Cemetery?

Yes. It is recognized that those who die from the act of suicide deserve understanding and compassion. The deceased may have been suffering from a serious psychological instability, or overwhelming fear and confusion. Therefore, the church offers funeral and burial rites for those who may have died as a result of suicide. The American edition of the Catholic ritual includes prayers for this specific situation. These prayers evoke forgiveness for the departed and consolation to their family.

http://www.holycrosscemeteries.com/faq/index.htm

[dsc]

11. I am glad for that at least. That would be so awful as a topper for this horrible situation.

[jesus_of_suburbia]

8. Anyone who grew up in a homophobic church knows this is very likely.

*raises hand*


Thankfully, I was strong enough not to kill myself; however, the upbringing haunts me to this day.



edit to add: Perhaps his family is accepting; we don't know yet. I was just stating that your scenario is all too common.

[dsc]

9. I went to one too

and it was rough. I remember a few discussions with my youth pastor that I had a hard time not being in tears after.

[jesus_of_suburbia]

13. You are braver and stronger than I was.

I would never have admitted to being gay in that environment (I was in the Bible belt in a Southern Baptist church). I didn't come out until I was well into college.

Too bad we weren't in the same church together as youths and could have supported each other..... I was closeted, but my parents always saw me as the wayward liberal child even in my youth (of course liberal to them is McCain).


:hug:

[dsc]

14. to clarify I didn't admit to it

but I did ask why we judged that one sin so much more than most others. He was very overweight for example and didn't see glotony as a bad sin as being gay for example. I asked why we didn't picket buffet restraunts if we were going to picket gay bars and abortion clinics. He wasn't amused.

[JI7]

12. i heard somewhere that he hadn't come out to his parents yet

but are you saying without this church it wouldn't have been a problem ?

i'm an atheist and i can't imagine someone secretly recording and watching me having sex with someone. even if it was a regular boyfriend others knew about. even if i loved them.

[ProudToBeBlueInRhody]

16. That's key as to why he did what he did

I assumed that he was out, therefore making the whole idea of "OMG, he's making out/having sex with a guy!" kind of seem like a "so what" type of moment. If his family didn't know.....and found out.....that's a whole other issue.

[JI7]

17. if he came from a conservative home or neighborhood i can see him being happy about

going off to college where he might have felt he would have more freedom. feel comfortable having a guy over without worrying about family.

this is true for so many kids who come from places where they get picked on.

it just makes it worse when you think about this.

[donheld]

18. dsc, I would just about guarantee

These kids were, are not just bullied at school. They get it at home and church. With the Focus on the Family types out there you can pretty much bet the Focus crap gets heaped on them everywhere they go. The ways Focus and others have preached to "treat" gay kids it's no wonder these kids just reach the end of their ropes. God have mercy on Focus and all the other creepy groups out there. They're no more Christian than Satan.