In Appreciation of DU Compassion

[bigtree]

OVER the years I've participated in discussions here at Democratic Underground, I've seen countless instances where members have reached out and helped folks in need. Last week was my turn to be the beneficiary of DU compassion and support.

As folks who responded to my post last week know, my 13yr. old mixed border collie had lost his ability to sit up, stand, or walk without great difficulty and I was looking to find some understanding of the dilemma surrounding the assisted ending of a pet's life, anticipating facing that agonizing choice myself.

Predictably, the response from folks here to my query was tremendous. It was also enormously helpful. About 150 kind DU'ers overcame their own profoundly sad emotions and shared intimate details of their struggles with the same decision they had faced (or were facing) with their own animal friends. The information that folks here provided was extremely candid and painfully personal, and my wife and I are eternally grateful and thankful to have the benefit of the counsel of so many kind and compassionate people who took the time to reach out and help me cope.

That outpouring of affection and support is what I've always understood to be the heart and soul of our Democratic community. The compassion shown here for our animal friends, I think, is unmatched anywhere else and I'm very proud and privileged to associate myself with the fine folks who gather here to discuss politics and our world.

We got our friend, Pepper, from a D.C. shelter when my Mom died one May, and my dad was left in his large house alone. We had discovered that they had been covering up his advancing case of Alzheimer's disease and he needed a companion to distract from the grief and keep him occupied when we weren't there.

I first took notice of the junior Pepper sitting quietly with his paws folded on front of him (toys on either side) as the rest of the kennel had erupted in utter chaos. I thought he might be addled or ready to bite, but I reached out my hand to his muzzle anyway - and he licked it. That decided it for me. He was ours to care for.

Pepper did his job well; giving Dad more than enough trouble and attention to keep him in the groove and on the move. He later became a constant companion to Dad, walking him the mile or so down to the lake and pulling (and guiding) him back up the hill to home. When Dad eventually left us, Pepper became our constant companion and friend.

Pepper's 13 years on Earth was ended Tuesday on my 50th birthday. We located an animal welfare agency in town which had a vet come in once a month who saw and treated folk's animal friends for free. Tuesday happened to be that day, so I agreed after a long, diagnostic and bonding weekend with our ailing friend that we'd take him in. I knew what the diagnosis would be, but I really never thought that would be his last day.

I was thinking of all of us going back home while we waited for the doctor. The doctor's counsel was predictably tragic and I found myself readily agreeing with the doctor's suggestion that she end Pepper's life right then and there. I've never felt so devastated. I was grateful, though, for the understanding shown by the doctor and the opportunity they gave me to take my friend back home with us when his life was ended. 'They'll hassle you next door (at the regular shelter),' she had said to us.

We took our friend home and buried him out back within a few hours. A strange hawk with a round head and a brown ruffled feathered chest appeared on a low branch of a tree right outside my window, for quite a while staring down at the garage window where Pepper lay . . .

So very sad . . . that's what I feel. Moreover, I'm more aware than ever before of the limits of my own human ability. I'm the kind of bloke who can always find something at the house to repair most anything (for a while, at least). I remember how I'd rigged mirrors to watch Dad in his room downstairs from up in the living room when he had also lost his ability to function without assistance. I was positively heroic in my ability to keep him clean, dry and safe in his incontinence and incoherency. It wasn't until we finally found him a place at a nursing home that I realized how unsustainable and ineffective I had actually been in giving him the comfort he deserved and needed.

It wasn't until I took a good look around at my living room where I had rolled back the rug; and at the pile of medicine, diapers, and amenities for caring for my friend Pepper, that I realized how futile that present heroic effort would have become.

Nature carries on in its determined and unrelenting way. In time, it will reclaim all of our lives to its interminable task. How very fortunate we are to be able to experience it all together. Thank you DU, for being here.



Some Trees

These are amazing: each
Joining a neighbor, as though
Speech were a still performance.
Arranging by chance

To meet as far this morning
From the world as agreeing
With it, you and I (and others)
Are suddenly what the trees try

To tell us we are:
That their merely being there
Means something; that soon
We may touch, love, explain.

And glad not to have invented
Some comeliness,
we are surrounded:
A silence already filled with noises,
A canvas on which emerges

A chorus of smiles,
a winter morning.
Place in a puzzling light,
and moving,
Our days put on such reticence
These accents
seem their own defense.

- John Ashbery

[texastoast]

1. Ahem

You were not ineffective. Maybe your care wasn't sustainable forever, but you were very freaking effective, and you can know that as fact. Your beloveds needed and appreciate everything you did for them.

Thank you for this wonderful post. Peace.



:hug:

[proud patriot]

10. +1

I'm sorry you lost your friend . I missed your thread last week .
our family had to put our beloved rosco down last Nov. 29th his 14th birthday .
Still makes me cry :cry:

He had stopped eating , on day 2 we new he was too good a friend to let suffer
any longer .

May your memories of your friend be joyous .

[calimary]

22. My sentiments exactly.

Sounds like you worked awfully hard both to devise and provide that care. You don't have anything to apologize for.

Thank you for being another bit of brightness in what seems so often these days to be a hardened, uncaring, unfeeling, unsympathetic world.

Many hugs.

:hug:

[hobbit709]

2. It's never easy

And over the years I've done it more times than I want to think about.
I can't bury mine since our yard has about 6 inches of dirt and then it's caliche-you don't dig through that, you blast.
We've had all ours cremated and their ashes are in a row in their little urns on the shelf.

[underseasurveyor]

3. This is my favorite poem

And it breaks me every time I read it but it's so true.

Heartfelt condolences to you and your family.

"A Dog's Prayer

by Beth Norman Harris

Treat me kindly, my beloved master, for no heart in all the world is more grateful for kindness than the loving heart of mine.

Do not break my spirit with a stick, for though I should lick your hand between the blows, your patience and understanding will more quickly teach me the things you would have me do.

Speak to me often, for your voice is the world's sweetest music, as you must know by the fierce wagging of my tail when your footstep falls upon my waiting ear.

When it is cold and wet, please take me inside, for I am now a domesticated animal, no longer used to bitter elements. And I ask no greater glory than the privilege of sitting at your feet beside the hearth. Though you had no home, I would rather follow you through ice and snow than rest upon the softest pillow in the warmest home in all the land, for you are my god and I am your devoted worshipper.

Keep my pan filled with fresh water, for although I should not reproach you were it dry, I cannot tell you when I suffer thirst. Feed me clean food, that I may stay well, to romp and play and do your bidding, to walk by your side, and stand ready, willing and able to protect you with my life should your life be in danger.

And, beloved master, should the great Master see fit to deprive me of my health or sight, do not turn me away from you. Rather hold me gently in your arms as skilled hands grant me the merciful boon of eternal rest -- and I will leave you knowing with the last breath I drew, my fate was ever safest in your hands."

Every time :cry:

[orleans]

33. omg--i shouldn't have read that. (you can imagine why) n/t

[TwilightGardener]

4. Wonderful post--and I am sorry that it was Pepper's time. Peace and good memories

of your pupster to you.

[blondeatlast]

5. DUers are wonderful in their compassion as I found out last week

as well as when my parents died and my marriage broke up in a most ugly way.

DU, let me tell you--your anonymous compassion helps more than you can know until you too reach out for it.

:hug:

[pinboy3niner]

50. +1000

It can make all the difference in the world at a difficult time. It did for me.

:hug:

[sinkingfeeling]

6. I'm sorry for your loss.

[luvspeas]

7. No words....

:grouphug:

[hlthe2b]

8. A beautifully sincere remembrance of all you have gone through

thank you for sharing such a well written memorial to your Pepper and your mutual journey with your Dad. I am currently sitting in a dog-friendly Hilton for two weeks while I work under contract with a group facing a major deadline. My babe won't be with me much longer, I fear as she has cancer, though she is doing well, for now. Having dealt with all this several times before--as well as the still painful loss of my parents near two decades ago, I realize it doesn't get easier, but only harder with age. I'm grateful for every moment I have with my old girlie dog, though I am spending much money I really don't have, to make it possible to have her here with me. I know I will never regret it.

I am sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing. Maybe we can be a shelter for all who go through this pain. I know I will never take back a moment of time I've had with any of my "best friends" canine, or human. :hug:

[madrchsod]

9. that`s one of the main reasons we are here...

over my 63 yrs on this planet there`s been times when i had to do the same. it`s never gets any easier...

[Stinky The Clown]

11. {{tree}}

A beautiful story.

[driver8]

12. Such a beautiful post...I'm so sorry for your loss.

Rest in peace, sweet Pepper. :hug:

[SargeUNN]

13. sorry for your loss and I can empathize

I know it was a hard thing to do and I had a wonderful Shetland Sheepdog named Princess Hassle who had saved my life on 5 different occasions. She got in the same condition as your dog was and fortunately for me the dog passed on before I had to have her put to sleep. I still have times I think of her and feel sad she isn't alive, but then I recall the joy and security she brought and I feel glad she was a part of my life. I hope you the best and hope I give you some strength in dealing with this.

[Ruby the Liberal]

14. I am so sorry you had to go through that

As much joy as our fur babies bring us, it always ends so tragically and never gets easier.

The Rainbow Bridge

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown

[DirkGently]

15. A fine memoriam. Go in peace, Pepper.

[lamp_shade]

16. Thank you for telling us. I've thought about you several times. Peace, bigtree.

[malaise]

17. What a lovely post

despite the immense pain you just experienced. You made me dig up some photos of my long departed Roots, the nicest dog in the world. :grouphug:

[Cetacea]

18. K&R n/t

[myrna minx]

19. I am so sorry for your loss.

:hug:

[LiberalAndProud]

20. (bigtree) so sorry.

I'm crying again.

[EFerrari]

21. One More Brevity

One More Brevity
by Robert Frost


I opened the door so my last look
Should be taken outside a house and book.
Before I gave up seeing and slept,
I said I would see how Sirius kept
His watchdog eye on what remained
To be gone into, if not explained.

But scarcely was my door ajar,
When, past the leg I thrust for bar,
Slipped in to be my problem guest,
Not a heavenly dog made manifest,
But an earthly dog of the carriage breed,
Who, having failed of the modern speed,
Now asked asylum, and I was stirred
To be the one so dog-preferred.

He dumped himself like a bag of bones.
He sighed himself a couple of groans,
And, head to tail, then firmly curled,
Like swearing off on the traffic world.

I set him water. I set him food.
He rolled an eye with gratitude,
Or merely manners, it may have been,
But never so much as lifted chin.
His hard tail loudly smacked the floor,
As if beseeching me, “Please, no more;
I can’t explain, tonight at least.”
His brow was perceptibly trouble-creased.

So I spoke in terms of adoption, thus:
“Gusty, old boy, Dalmatian Gus,
You’re right, there’s nothing to discuss.
Don’t try to tell me what’s on your mind,
The sorrow of having been left behind
Or the sorrow of having run away.
All that can wait for the light of day.
Meanwhile feel obligation-free;
Nobody has to confide in me.”

‘Twas too one-sided a dialogue,
And I wasn’t sure I was talking Dog.
I broke off, baffled, but all the same,
In fancy, I ratified his name;
Gusty, Dalmatian Gus, that is,
And started shaping my life to his,
Finding him in his right supplies
And sharing his miles of exercise.

Next morning the minute I was about,
He was at the door to be let out.
As much as to say, “I have paid my call.
You mustn’t feel hurt if now I’m all
For getting back somewhere, or further on.”
I opened the door, and he was gone.
I was to taste in little the grief
That comes of dogs’ lives being so brief.
Only fraction of ours, at most,
He might have been the dream of a ghost,
In spite of the way his tail had smacked
My floor, so hard and matter-of-fact.

And things have been going so strangely since,
I wouldn’t be too hard to convince,
I might even claim he was Sirius.
Think of presuming to call him Gus!
The star itself, heaven’s greatest star,
Not a meteorite but an avatar,
Who had made this overnight descent
To show by deeds he didn’t resent
My having depended on him so long,
And yet done nothing about it in song.

A symbol was all he could hope to convey,
An intimation, a shot of ray,
A meaning I was supposed to seek,
And finding, not necessary speak.

:grouphug:

[bigtree]

23. kick

[TBF]

24. Pepper is playing with our Penny now over the rainbow bridge -

it is so hard to go through, but with time it will be get easier. It took me nearly 2 years before I adopted another one. But now Theo is our new black lab, and I know he would've loved Penny. He was an older Lab with a skin disease at the rescue group, and I know Penny would be glad we took in one who was maybe less adoptable (of course with good vet care and special shampoo he is looking much better now!). Be well, bigtree.

[emilyg]

25. k/r

[bigtree]

26. kick

[canetoad]

27. I missed your original post too

All I can say is that a true animal lover knows, instinctively, when the day arrives to end the suffering. There's no other way to put it. You just know.

[madmax]

28. Pepper has a lot of company

my Nicky, Emily, and Max. It's very hard - they are just like a family member. You will have fond memories, be sad, laugh and in the end know that he/she was a gift, a character, a friend and more. And if you can do yourself and another loving character a good home and a chance to love and be loved, you won't regret it - I promise.

Madmaxx2 is right here all snuggled up next to my leg.

We love you bigtree. :grouphug:

[nadinbrzezinski]

29. Hugs

tukyt is buried under a blood orange tree in my sister's garden. He was her "kid" too.

SO yes I get it.

Oh and as to animals, our Nanday still looks for his brother from time to time. And yes he was allowed to see the body.

[Skittles]

30. so sorry bigtree

:cry:


Grieve not,
nor speak of me with tears,
but laugh and talk of me
as if I were beside you.....
I loved you so --
'twas Heaven here with you.

--by Ilsa Paschal Richardson

[ismnotwasm]

31. Hey

:hug:

[mikelgb]

32. hugz

[babylonsister]

34. This is really touching, bigtree, and

I'm very sorry I missed your original post. I'm glad you found comfort from our fellow DUers-that is one aspect of this site that I've always cherished.

And you still are one heck of a writer. My condolences, and as the first response said so well, you were not ineffective in your care, and I'm sure on some level your dad knew and appreciated your efforts.

:hug:

[molly77]

43. I am fairly new and do not know how to KandR

One heck of a writer and human being does not even describe this post.It is the best we can do at this point.Can't stop crying. I just lost my beloved Molly, a great white Husky. Her last few months , she watched me all the time grinning from ear to ear..like she knew and it was ok.

[The Wizard]

35. Coping thought.

"We who choose to surround ourselves with lives even more temporary than our own live within a fragile circle…"
(Irving Townsend)

[a la izquierda]

36. I'm so sorry for your loss, but you did the right thing.

:hug:
We put our Knuckles down a few months ago. I still cry sometimes.

[madmom]

37. Oh, why did I read this thread? I am now sitting here sniffling about my

own beloved cocker Taffy. He was the best friend, kind and loving and forgiving.Had to send him over about 5 years ago. RIP my friend.:cry: :grouphug:

[kentuck]

38. Thank you.

...

[onlyadream]

39. I have a story to share

My childhood dog, Toby, had to be put down when I had just started college. I was devastated. It was so sudden and, although I knew he was old, he didn't act it. Anyhow, a few years later I prayed to God right before I went to sleep, asking for a dream of Toby because I missed him and wanted to see him again. Well, that night I dreamed this:

Everywhere I went, Toby was right there beside me. Specifically, I was on the student bus (that takes you from the student parking lot to the campus where I went to school) and Toby was with me. The bus driver turned to me and said, "Hey, you can't take that dog on the bus!" I reply, "He's been with me everyday for the past three years, and now you say something?"

Then I woke up. Not only did I get to see my good friend, but there was a message in that dream. Toby will always be with me, no matter where I go. I now believe that this applies to any loved one that is lost.

[OnyxCollie]

40. Sorry for your loss.

[Lost4words]

41. God Bless,.......

[political_Dem]

42. I'm sorry for the loss of your faithful friend. :(

:hug:

[WolverineDG]

44. I'm so sorry

:hug:

dg

[handmade34]

45. bittersweet memories

are part of a life well lived... so sorry for your loss

[liberal N proud]

46. Amen

[femrap]

47. I lost Joe

on August 25...and I still cry every night. He used to come in and sit at my feet in the summer. In the winter, he would sit on the couch beside me so I'd keep him warm. I miss him so much.

I know you did the right thing. I know I did as well.

The world is just so sad without him. I see absolutely nothing positive in the future....except for Mother Nature getting her long awaited Justice....may it be soon.

[ZombieHorde]

48. I am sorry about your companion. nt

[sabrina 1]

49. Beautifully written

I am so sorry :cry:

[HCE SuiGeneris]

51. You are a brilliant writer.

I read this with tears streaming down my face. I wish you fond memories of Pepper.

[The Uncola]

52. We should be thanking you, BigTree.

Speaking for me, anyway. Your call for help from friendly voices on that thread, reminded me of just how much joy I have been given by the loyal, loving and noble creatures and just how overwhelming it is when it becomes clear that the time has come to free them from their suffering. Your situation, one that I've been through several times (and it never seems to get easier, in fact, just the opposite,) made me give our rescue GS lots of extra lovins and pets, by reminding me that our time together is limited, but showing them the same unconditional love they show us, isn't. Thank you again BigTree.

[grantcart]

53. And you are the best example of that compassion.

You always take the larger view and don't let your personal attachments in the primary to preclude you from future action.

You oppose actions by the President on principle but you don't let that color your objective opinion of him.

You oppose the conflict in Afghanistan but are compelled to study it in depth and are not satisfied with bumper sticker slogans.

A bigtree thread is always thoughtful, intelligent, well researched, well written and compassionate.

There is an old self depreciating joke "I want to be the person that my dog thinks I am".

In your case you are the person that Pepper thinks you are, and you simply cannot rise higher than that.

[rox63]

54. (((bigtree)))

I am so sorry for your loss. I missed your original post, but I've just read through many of the responses it drew. There are so many warm and loving people here on DU.

Just before Labor Day, I had to say goodbye to my beautiful 12 year-old kitty, Miss Mary. She had been suffering with kidney disease for quite a while, and eventually the meds, the sub-q fluids, and the prescription diet couldn't stave off her decline any longer. She told me in her own way that she was ready to move on. I had the vet give her a peaceful end, and I bawled my eyes out several times over the next couple of weeks.

:hug:

[jtuck004]

55. Bigtree, I found this quote in a Koontz novel...

Over the course of too many years I have held several of my friends as they passed away. It has never gotten easier and never will. This paragraph offers one explanation about the relationship I want to have with my dogs, and maybe why.

"Dog's lives are short, too short, but you know that going in. You know the pain is coming, you're going to lose a dog, and there's going to be great anguish, so you live fully in the moment with her, never fail to share her joy or delight in her innocence, because you can't support the illusion that a dog can be your lifelong companion. There's such beauty in the hard honesty of that, in accepting and giving love while always aware it comes with an unbearable price. Maybe loving dogs is way we do penance for all the other illusions we allow ourselves and for the mistakes we make because of those illusions."

from Dean Koontz - The Darkest Evening of the Year
(p. 408 - note: A strange little mystery novel, but with this good paragraph)

I have felt those same feelings of ineffectiveness that you mentioned, but I think it comes as we try to keep from accepting the inevitability of death. I am one of those people who has been fixing things all his life too, and perhaps that weighs in when we run up against the inevitable. I don't know.

Look back at what you did. You helped your father live his life, (I really liked the way you arranged mirrors), giving him purpose. You did the same thing for Pepper. Border Collies live to work and move, and sitting in a shelter must be their idea of the worst circle of hell. So for both of them you did exactly what needed to be done, precisely what was in your power.

I know you did well. Thank you for the post, and the way you took care of those two.

[bigtree]

56. one more kick

many thanks