How do you react when you hear: That's gay.

[mix]

Poll question: How do you react when you hear: That's gay.

It offends me since it equates "gay" with "bad" in almost all cases when I hear it. It's a teachable moment and I insist on an appropriate alternative synonym.

[rocktivity]

1. I always say

"You say that as though it's a bad thing!"

:headbang:
rocktivity

[EFerrari]

130. Free Speech TV has some great ads about this.

They should be all over.

[unapatriciated]

157. My husband has said the same thing.

He has been called so gay many times and his response has been thank you.

[unapatriciated]

158. My husband has said the same thing.

He has been called so gay many times and his response has been thank you.

[BeeBee]

2. "Gay is not an insult"

is what I say.

[unpossibles]

44. me too - which also means that it depends on the source for me

in my group of friends we've been using it as saying "that's awesome!" but from Joe Homophobe I am less likely to be silent about it, although I have also occasionally confused people who mean it negatively by saying, "yes, isn't it great?" as excitedly as I can. It's usually worth it for the confused looks, plus being a bigger guy I feel a little less likely to be attacked over it. If nothing else, maybe I've made someone think, although I don't hold my breath.

Even positively we don't use it much because it could still sound the wrong way.

[JerseygirlCT]

53. Yup!

Followed, if necessary (with kids, for example) with a bit of a lesson. (Or lecture, if you prefer!)

[RayOfHope]

106. Thank you for this. I've not ever had a great, short, to the point comeback. Now I do n/t

[HuckleB]

136. +1,000,000,000,000!!!

[seabeyond]

141. that is what son said when some kid called another such a "girl"

but it isnt insult being a girl...

[mikelgb]

3. I'm going to have to quote Senator Vitter on this one:

"Depends."

on the context

[zipplewrath]

5. 50/50 chance

That I'm hearing it from one of my gay friends. But otherwise I tend to say "what does that mean?"

[mix]

8. Is this a generational thing?

I have never heard older gay friends, say over 35-40, use it the way young people do today.

[pnwmom]

23. Then it's being used ironically. But it's not okay for straights

to use it the same way. Too much of a chance to hurt someone.

[mix]

6. For example, provide a context, if you would, when it is acceptable. nt

[JuniperLea]

22. What context is acceptable?

I'd like to know.

[cleanhippie]

24. Is there any context you would find acceptable?

[JuniperLea]

33. I can't think of a one... that's why I'm asking this poster who said it depends on context...

I honestly can't think of one that I would feel appropriate by any stretch.

[mwooldri]

162. See my post #161.

Summary: If your name is Gay, if you are using the term in the other meaning of the word, or if it is used without opinion as a matter of fact, the word "gay" is definitely OK to be used in those terms.

In a negative fashion, or as slander or libel, or in a pure hatred way - no way. Not acceptable.

Enough said.

[unpossibles]

46. it's actually come up among friends, all of us some form of GLBTQ

and often when discussing something stereotypical like music theatre (a lot of my friends are costume or set designers so this comes up a lot) or things like dance parties. Just my 2 cents. It doesn't get said a lot, but I've definitely heard it among my friends.

[JuniperLea]

55. How do you feel about a straight person using the term in that context...

I used to work for a gay couple, in their home. They had restored a gorgeous California Bungalow with an ocean view in So Cal... and I helped them with decorating. We stuck to Frank Lloyd Wright and Stickley designs and copies for the most part, but I found some lace curtains I thought worked very well in some areas... I was asked if I thought they looked too gay, and I giggled and said, well, they might be considered a tad feminine if that's what you mean. But I'm a girl, so... and they were gay, so... and they were my very best friends, so...

[jberryhill]

78. Then does that mean you have come up with an example of an acceptable context?

I'm confused.

Upthread you said you could not imagine an acceptable context, but now it seems you have provided an example of what you considered to have been an acceptable context.

[JuniperLea]

79. No, read again...

I'm ASKING if the poster feels this is an acceptable instance. I'm not gay. I don't assume I know the hearts and minds of gay people, so as a dignified and caring human being, I'm asking the question. Is there something wrong with that?

[jberryhill]

139. Well, quite obviously....

The story you posted involved three people - you and the couple in question.

Were any of those three people hurt by the conversation?

If not, then what anyone not a party to the event might think is really irrelevant.

[unpossibles]

137. I think it depends on the person, honestly

who says it and how it's said. Again it doesn't happen a lot, but it does come out sometimes. I suppose one could argue that it's like someone using a racist term - if you are a member of that group it's a little less shocking, although the group itself will not be homogeneous as to how acceptable it is.

[mwooldri]

161. If your name happens to be Gay, or ...

... you are using it as adjective to describe something in a positive light (because the original meaning of "gay" before being adopted quite some years ago to describe a homosexual male was synonymous with "happy", "bright", "cheerful") - e.g. "What a gay day!" - that is acceptable.

Or if you are stating an individuals' sexual persuasion as a matter of fact and leaving it at that (e.g. "Elton John is gay")

That context is perfectly acceptable.

If meant as a slur, especially when used as a noun in a non-positive sense or an adjective in a non positive sense, then surely it is not acceptable. e.g. "Eurgh! He's a gay-boy and an idiot too!" (and that's toned down quite considerably). That is a slur.

[fizzgig]

4. i supervise a lot of young adults at work and hear it often, but i never let it slide

i ask them *what* exactly about the situation they're describing is homosexual and, once they're done sputtering or looking sheepish, i tell them that it's inappropriate and they need to find an appropriate pejorative.

[mix]

16. The answer I love is "It just means happy!"

:eyes:

[JamesA1102]

7. Someone is talking about Glee nt

[mix]

12. I don't have a TV and I am only vaguely aware of the show.

I really couldn't tell you anything about it actually.

[CraftyGal]

56. you din't what you ar missing! Awesome show.

One of the characters, Kurt Humble, is gay. The show accurately portrays what a gay young person goes through except they use songs. It is a great show.

[Common Sense Party]

9. About the same as "That's so retarded."

[Brickbat]

10. I always say something.

[cbayer]

11. I say something - always. Just like I do when someone uses the word retarded or

any other slur.

This was particularly difficult when my kids were adolescents. Even though they had been surrounded by lots of GLBT friends and family their whole lives, they picked up this phrase from their peers and it was really difficult to get them to stop using it. The key was that some of our GLBT friends who they adored stepped in and had really serious conversations with them about how hurtful this was. They stopped after that - at least around me and our extended family.

[lightningandsnow]

13. I give people the death stare and say "excuse me?"

If they don't get why it's offensive, I explain it.

[mix]

14. love the death stare technique

:thumbsup:

[Rhythm]

101. That's me as well... though the "Excuse me?" often comes across with an extra exclamation point

The inflection let's the speaker know that it's not just a case of i didn't hear them... but that i did. Loud and clear.

[OregonBlue]

15. My eight year old grandson said it and I was stunned. I asked him if he knew what it meant and of

course he didn't. I explained it to him and he hasn't said it again, at least in front of me.

[Stinky The Clown]

17. My replies are complicated and with some nuance

If the person saying it seems clueless about it, I often respond with some light line or at least light tone. "How is that a bad thing?"

At the other end, I respond in a very pointed, almost pugnacious way. What I say depends on what got said. I am not innocent of having gone so far as to angrily call a person a "fucking bigot" in so many words.

And then there are shades of gray in the possible spectrum between those two extremes. I rarely, however, just let it go by.

[Arkana]

18. I reply "You're retarded."

[mix]

19. Thoughtful. nt

[independent_voter]

37. but then you're just passing the carpet lump to the developementally disabled

not trying to be a smart aleck, i have a cousin who's a good kid and has worked very hard to overcome what he was born with

i dont see why he's less deserving of consideration than gays

[elias7]

108. No, I think Arkana is using irony to point out the outmodedness of the expression

[grantcart]

152. awkward when brilliant snark has to be explained its just so

hetero!

[blondeatlast]

20. Depends on the context but I never let it slide by. My mom was a Southern belle and

I do use the frozen expression and subsequent silence to good effect, though.

[Jamastiene]

26. That works THE best when the person wears glasses.

How a person can look out over the top of the rims of their glasses and say so much without uttering a word, I can never explain, but it works! It definitely works.

[blondeatlast]

40. I can't wear contacts and must always wear my specs.

I just tip my head down a notch and I speak volumes!

[pnwmom]

21. I always speak out. n/t

[rucky]

38. +1

total pet peeve of mine. It's one of the few things I can't let slide.

[muffin1]

25. To use the word in that way is an insult.

I always say something. It's pretty depressing (and telling) that almost a third of the votes so far are for "It's just an expression". Go DU...progressive as ever...:evilfrown:

[mix]

27. depressing and astonishing at the same time

:(

[Behind the Aegis]

31. "It's pretty depressing (and telling)...."

Yes, it is!

[mix]

89. 42% "just" nt

[Behind the Aegis]

90. Any wonder why homophobia is such a damn problem. Sad and disgusting, isn't it?

[mix]

93. It has always been a problem,

but there does seem to be national and global increase in its virulence as an everyday prejudice and promoter of violence and hatred.

"That's gay," as much as some would think otherwise, is a soft form of hate speech.

[chocolate ink]

169. say what..

When I heard my nephews use this I stopped them and we had discussion on the use of this term and yeah the reason was 'it's just an expression'...yet the use of it was always in a pejorative context. They quit using it around me. Now my great nephews were using term(having moved up here from different state)and when in my house I had same discussion with them. Made them stop and think and they quit using expression at least around me or in my house. Their use was from peer related use but it is still extremely common among teens and young adults in many areas, unfortunately.

'It's just an expression' is a cop out and as mentioned a soft form of bigotry.

[mix]

170. I wonder why this slur has become so prevalent.

Obviously, the political climate of denying homosexuals, and the LGBT community in general, their rights and the constant vilification of these groups in the media have contributed to its rise.

[supernova]

28. It makes me wince

just like any off color expression does.

And yes, THE STARE as we say down here, works wonders, even for dolts.

[MrScorpio]

29. It all depends on who says it and the context in which it was said

Like most things in this world

[muffin1]

41. Do you have any examples

of when it is used to denote something positive?

[MrScorpio]

43. Sure! Got one right here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z7RuFGQAoUI

[muffin1]

47. I haven't been able to watch a youtube for the last week or so

due to an issue with our computer. Maybe you could describe it?

[MrScorpio]

48. No prob. It's Bryan Safi's show "That's Gay" on Current TV

http://current.com/shows/infomania/thats-gay/

[muffin1]

51. If a gay man wants to use that word

to 'take it back', then that's completely different. But outside of Bryan Safi, have you ever heard it used for anything other than something negative?

[MrScorpio]

65. LIke I said before and then demonstrated, it's all about source and context...

My point was that, in it of itself, "That's Gay" is not automatically negative...

Because, i've heard gays on quite a few occasions take and own, other more vulgar, phrases as terms of endearment that would otherwise be homophobic slurs, if it they were said by others as mean spirited insults.

So rather than painting a particular phrase with a broad brush, it pays to pay attention to who uses it and the way its being used.

Which of course means that some will use it as an insult for sure, while others. such as Bryan Safi for example, uses it was a way to tell some other folks to get up off their high horses and adopt a sense of humor.

[Touchdown]

175. I agree with this.

I am dating an African American man right now. I don't even have to be told that I'm not allowed to use the "N" word, nor would I want to. I'm not part of that club, even though he and his friends call each other that as buddy term, which does no harm.

[Hosnon]

62. Well...it *could* be used to simply describe a particular scene.

"Two people walk into a bedroom unannounced..."

[Raster]

57. You are correct. It does depend on the context. Just like the "N" word.

And when used by uptight straight people, "it's Gay" is usually intended as a slur. Just like the "N" word when used by uptight white people is usually intended as slur.

A bigoted slur is a bigoted slur, whether it's referring to skin color or sexual orientation.

[MrScorpio]

66. Exactly. That's another example

Language is a very complex thing...

If we always take the obtuse route and disregard source, context and intent, frankly, it'll make us look like idiots.

[mix]

94. Language is complex, but when using slurs--sexual or racial

it's not difficult to discern the speaker's motives.

Irony and reappropriation are just as easy to identify.

[MrScorpio]

95. That is so very true nt

[ecstatic]

30. I don't hear that around here

At least not in my age group (28+ ). :shrug:

[independent_voter]

32. same way i feel when i hear 'FAIL'

a put down from a negative person, who lacks original thought

[JuniperLea]

36. I do believe you are spot on!

That fits perfectly in my POV.

[jobycom]

34. I usually say something like "No way. That would make it cool."

Something to flip the word to a positive meaning without being heavy handed. Most of the time I hear it it's from people who really don't intend anything bad by it, and just some minor comment that makes them think about what it really means is enough to stop them using it. For those who do mean to be an ass by saying it, there's not much point in pursuing it further. Insert comment about teaching a pig manners.

[quinnox]

35. I only see it on the internet

Its just an expression, I know its mostly used as slang by young people.

[VMI Dem]

39. "Its just an expression" gets that many votes here?

Wish I was surprised.

[Cirque du So-What]

49. They're certainly reticent about it too

With all those votes, you'd think at least a couple of them would have the knutzak to explain why they believe it's no big deal.

[HopeHoops]

42. Mixed bag. A lesbian at a bar (recently) had a shirt that said "Homophobia Is Gay".

That is cool.

[Egnever]

45. While it bugs me...

because I know people are offended by it. I also understand that its a common expression and one that really has little or nothing to do with homosexuality at this point.

[jumptheshadow]

138. It has everything to do with homosexuality

I have often heard it used by teen boys and young men interchangeably with other, stronger anti-gay words. If you are a teacher or a gamer or even have young friends who use Facebook you know that it's a put-down.

This bullshit about gays using it themselves ignores the fact that while they have indeed coopted the word creatively and comically for decades, this newer, more virulent form of the word is a definite insult. It is entering the lexicon because of the idiots who consider it "just an expression" and don't have the backbone or wit to stand up against it when they hear it.

We need to make this usage as unacceptable as the worst insults that are used against ethnic minorities.

[mix]

163. +1 nt

[treestar]

50. Teenagers

I tell them it's not an insult and that lecture them a bit about being tolerant and kind. Don't know if it does much good. At least, not immediately.

[DainBramaged]

52. I react the same way as when I hear religious beliefs bashed.....

[mix]

122. For example? nt

[Name removed]

54. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[muffin1]

97. Wait, wait, wait...

you're not sure you support same-sex marriage? :wtf:

[Rhythm]

102. So what part of civil rights equality for GLBTs is a problem for you? n/t

[blonndee]

103. Things are changing...no thanks to people like you.

:eyes:

[independent_voter]

105. you may not thank me for the change, but my help may be valuable in stioping things from reversing

if republican cultural conservatives found themselves back in power, which is always possible
by my help, i mean people like me rather than myself personally

someone who can make a christian case for basic decency, without being seen as 'the enemy' by them

of course if i have both sides in my face i'm likely to just worry about my own issues, which democrats seem curiously unconcerned about (H-1b visa/outsourcing)

I'm not asking you to agree with me, nor do expect you to, but you could be a little less hostile

[blonndee]

131. You're right.

I could be less hostile. I'm sorry for being snide. I still wish you'd reconsider and get firm on the side of the right to marry, though. I'd rather have you with us than against us now,though...Maybe maybe we (collective we) can get past the current hyperbole and apparent freeze of progress of any kind. It'd be nice to have some actual discussion and action someday, wouldn't it?

[mkultra]

180. and thus progress is made

Its only through decent discussion such as this with people of differing opinions that change can actually be made. I realize it must be tough to bite your tongue when people have "opinions" about your rights but i can assure you that this is one of the hurdles that black folks had to over come in order to win support for their rights during the 50's and 60's

If you lash out at people who disagree, they will just shut their mouths and watch you struggle.

[Rex]

58. Anything that comes from South Park is bad for our culture.

Actually I just say that gay does not mean bad and tell them to stop fucking with our American lexicon! It has already taken enough damage from some of the stupid shit that sticks with the average person!

[Swamp Rat]

59. I usually respond with: "So, you like it?"

When the next response "no" is invariably uttered, I then correct them on the meaning of the word: gay = happy (or, 'I like it').

Whatever dumb response that follows opens the conversation (and the idiot) up to much harsher criticism. :evilgrin:

[MrScorpio]

75. Take "I Feel Pretty" from West Side Story

"Gay" is a good thing!

Too bad that some people have made such a great word into such a bad thing.

[geek tragedy]

60. It makes me think the speaker is a juvenile punk. nt

[Hosnon]

61. Depends on the context. If a gay person uses it or a friend of a gay person uses it (in a friendly

manner), I think it's fine.

But like all derogatory terms, I don't think gay people should give it life (as an insult).

[independent_voter]

68. I think that's a dangerous game

many african americans have adopted a certain word, that now even comes into overuse in some rap lyrics

overuse of a protected word tends to return it to public domain

not saying that's right or wrong, i'm saying it's human behavior

if you want a word gone let it die

[Hosnon]

69. I agree... hence my last sentence. nt.

[independent_voter]

71. sorry, i read it to quickly nt

[closeupready]

63. I find it offensive, and if it's someone not so close as a friend, I cease relations with them.

It's a red flashing warning sign saying "I am bigoted and I get my news from Bill O'Reilly".

[TK421]

64. Well...I remember that expression being used growing up when it

meant "something that wasn't cool" or "something that was unfair" In other words, the idea of sexual orientation wasn't even taken into consideration when saying this...and it was usually when some friends were playing video games or made up some new rule of theirs while in competition that didn't quite jive with the other players...a hustle, if you will, or some cheap cheating tactic. Not affiliated with anyones sexual orientation, though ( at least not in our minds then )

These days? I could understand how the term can be offensive, but lots of people still use it today like they did back then, so..take from that what you will

[Hosnon]

72. The main definition I come across these days is something close to "lame". nt.

[TK421]

73. It could be taken as that, yes n/t

[Obamanaut]

76. It won't be long before "lame" is added to the 'do not use' list, because

it might be offensive to someone with physical limitations.

[SoCalDem]

67. My gay friends are the only ones who ever say that

:rofl:

[RadiationTherapy]

70. "Is that what it is? It's GAY? Is that right? It's GAAYY?"

Usually my method.

[Smashcut]

74. I wonder if the "it's just an expression" people realize its effect on gay youth?

[Roon]

77. I have a niece who tells me I am her favorite uncle

yet she still says "that's gay" on facebook..well, once....she doesn't do it all the time. I just dismiss it, I want to stay her favorite uncle..lol

[stevenleser]

80. It offends me and I usually say something. n/t

[Behind the Aegis]

81. "It's just an expression."

Yes, much like "He Jewed me down on the price" and "She's just raggin', ignore her" are "just" expressions and aren't offensive in the least.

Do I really need the tag?

[muffin1]

99. I really wonder about this place sometimes.

Most times, actually. I'm gonna go read some Dan Savage and clear my head!

[LanternWaste]

82. If friends or close acquaintances uses it

If friends or close acquaintances uses it, I ask them not to in my presence. I do the same when they use the term, "goddamn."

If it's not a friend or close acquaintance, I'm in no more a position to ask them not to use it than I would be if a stranger on the street used the word "goddamn."

[Initech]

83. I actually heard gay guys using that expression the other day. It was pretty funny actually.

[mix]

85. Context and the speaker matter.

Among homophobes, it is a slur.

[Initech]

119. Oh I'm not denying that at all.

[Hekate]

84. I don't hang around with teenagers or adults with arrested development

My grandson is almost 6 yo, and if at any time in the future he uses slurs (of any kind, not limited to gays) that he's picked up outside his home you can bet that the adults in his life will have an age-appropriate chat with him about not hurting other peoples' feelings. His mama has a preschool with a program solidly grounded in peaceful living.

Start young with those teachable moments, I say.

Hekate

[SargeUNN]

86. I can't accept it and the claim it means nothing is weak

I remember people in my youth that said the n word wasn't insulting it could apply to anyone black or white, but the truth it was overwhelmingly mean to be a slang term toward blacks. I think that watering down the meaning like that is harmful and we should avoid using it like that.

[nomorenomore08]

87. Roll my eyes (or some equivalent gesture).

I might also be tempted to mock the person using the phrase, but generally it just isn't worth the effort...

[wickerwoman]

88. I flinch, lose all respect for the person saying it,

but generally don't speak up.

I should though, I know.

[Hekate]

91. I like to quote Joanie Caucus from Doonesbury, 1976 ...

"I myself am often cheerful."

But believe me, only people of a certain age are likely to get the reference.

Hekate

[Rebubula]

167. Awesome

I miss Andy...and I loved that whole story arc where she thought he was married. I have read those early DBs over and over and over.

Much of my 70s political understanding comes from Doonesbury. That is probably why it is a bit skewed.

[Hekate]

176. Time was when Mr H would read the morning funnies and say that Doonesbury was way off base...

... that whatever the topic was couldn't even be real.

And I would gently say -- I, who kept up with politics -- "Honey, once again Trudeau has nailed it. He got it from the actual news." Hubby finally stopped questioning Trudeau's grasp of current affairs, which has turned out to be better than most of the so-called pundits.

Garry Trudeau has been the chronicler of an entire era of American history. He is incredible.

I miss Andy too. And Lacey Davenport. I cried when Dick escorted Lacey to the afterlife.

Hekate

[MellowDem]

92. Fully depends on the context... nt

[anAustralianobserver]

96. Usually negatively, but what about if I call myself gay in a context like this:

Sometimes when I catch myself being more outwardly feminine than is usual for me I'll call myself gay, out loud or to myself, in a self-reflective light-hearted way—

eg I might say to my girlfriend "the jasmine in the spring air is so wonderful" and follow it up with "that was especially gay" or something.

Or I might call something a girl does gay—not in a harsh misogynist way; but on the contrary—to let her know she can feel comfortable being feminine and I won't shut it down.

I'm predominantly straight—have only had a few homosexual experiences—and would say I'm usually less feminine than a 'metrosexual' but more feminine than a jock. So I realise it's pushing it for me to use it sometimes, especially if I'm with people who don't know me who could easily assume I'm being domineering.

It could be a way of processing a remnant of self-loathing or fear about expressing myself in a more feminine way than I'm used to.

Paradoxically, maybe the fact that it's being used fairly commonly (maybe a bit less recently?) is a sign than boys and men are accepting femininity in themselves more, and realising they can still be generally masculine while expressing more femininity that in previous decades.

Btw, I saw the movie She's the Man last night: that (20yo) Amanda Bynes was really funny in portraying male stereotypes. Probably the best teen comedy I've seen; not creepy like some of them are like Superbad.


edit: PS using it to mean lame/clichéd/stale seems to always be homophobic/misogynist because it associates gayness with not being yourself.

[frogmarch]

98. I've never heard anyone say it except

on TV. When I hear it, it offends me.

[Rhythm]

100. Am i seeing this right? About half of the respondents actually said "It's just an expression'?!

Fuck that noise.

Seriously. Fuck you to those who clicked that answer.

[hughee99]

104. It sounds like a decent number of respondents

hear it from gay people. If that's the context one's used to hearing it in, they're probably less likely to find it offensive. I occasionally hear it, but haven't heard a straight person say it since I was in elementary school.

[Rhythm]

111. It is avery, very rare thing to hear it from the folks in the GLBT community here...

...even when referring to something that is specifically associated with gay culture.

It's almost always the straight, hyper-masculine or hyper-feminine college-aged folks who toss that phrase around, and always in some negative context.

And I do not suffer fools lightly.

[hughee99]

126. I have a few friends who say it,

not a lot but they're the only people I've heard it from, and I'm not about to tell them what they should be offended by.

[Rhythm]

114. And for the record, i react the same way to assholes who use "can i jew you down?"

...and other such bigoted turns of phrase.

I have no patience for the willfully ignorant or the purposefully hateful.

[ismnotwasm]

107. I say something on the order of

"I don't think a pair of pants can have an actual sexuality" Or whatever the object is. Kind of stops people.

To stop my 11 year old grandson from saying it, at least in from of me (and to increase his awareness) I made a bet (which I lost) a nickle from him every time he used "Gay" as an insult or in a derogatory manner, he got a nickle from me when I swore.

[CBR]

109. I haven't heard it in a really long time. If GLBT think it is offensive

then who am I to argue?

I am partial to the more appropriate sayings -- "that is stupid as shit" and "that is lame as hell."

[jumptheshadow]

110. I cannot believe that 77 people said "it's just an expression."

Do you have any idea how much it hurts to hear it?

Really, shame on you.

[Gabi Hayes]

113. that's really gay. but seriously, folks. I work in a school, and I hear it a few times a year.

K-6

I come down firmly with the younger kids who do it (8, probably)

the older kids sometimes are subject to reason, but mostly they think I'm gay for bringing it up. they're hard to deal with because so many of them have already gotten used to treating it as just an expression.

very very sad

there's an excellent TV commercial with some young woman actress who catches some girls in a store using it. she deals with it almost perfectly. not in the real world, of course, but it's very well done

[Gabi Hayes]

115. these are good:

Hillary Duff:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TVicCD8FmMs&feature=related

original...at about 1:15>>>
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nD16K-fr7bg

Wanda Sykes
"That's so 16 year old boy with a cheesy moustache!" hahahahaaaa
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sWS0GVOQPs0&feature=related

people should be FORCED to watch these when they pull that stuff

[Nikia]

112. A guy at work said that the work boots looked so gay

I asked him if he really thought that they looked liked something that homosexuals would be more likely to wear. He said that perhaps gay wasn't the right word.

[JohnnyCougar]

116. Last person I heard use this was gay himself

I kind of did a double-take, and then we both laughed.

[ruggerson]

117. It's not so much getting "offended"

I just get pissed off.

[dsc]

118. I tell them that they might be offending the person who gives them their grade

kind of focuses the mind.

[phylny]

120. I don't know anyone who uses that expression n/t

[mix]

121. I hear it every day as an educator at a rural NM school.

But it is widely said by urban and rural teenagers and young adults nationally.

[jdp349]

123. I try and discern what they meant by the use of the phrase

It's too vague of phrase these days when used in that context to have any real unique meaning or descriptive quality.

[mitchtv]

124. I find it ugly, tho I've never had the misfortune to be

present when it was being used. The amount of people here in DU who think it's no biggie, remind me why I no longer post here

[liquid diamond]

125. I hear kids say it sometimes.

It's just an expression they use these days. Most of them are too young to understand that it can have a negative impact.

[VMI Dem]

127. The results of this poll should tell the admin everything they need to know about whats wrong here.

[EFerrari]

128. I used to believe people were exaggerating

about this topic on DU. Apparently, I wasn't paying attention and I'm sorry.

[Safetykitten]

135. Amazing, is it not?

[Rhythm]

142. Indeed it does...

I am not shocked at all... just saddened at what this place has become, what it condones.

There's a reason i don't post all that much anymore. This illustrates it.

[muffin1]

189. You said it.

My best friend is gay and he gave up on DU several months ago. I just returned after a self-imposed hiatus - I was on the verge of losing it, too. Hopefully this thread will open a few eyes.

[donco6]

144. But it won't. n/t

[Starry Messenger]

148. It should, but it won't. n/t

[QC]

160. What makes you think they would care?

After all, "reasonable people can disagree," you know.

[racaulk]

173. It speaks volumes about the environment here, doesn't it?

[johnaries]

129. I've actually had people say " 'ghey', not 'gay', There's a difference."

To which I can only reply, man, that's so "ghey".

[Safetykitten]

132. So it's just an expression? How about the "no homo" thing, you know,

some guy will say something that could be construed as "gay" by his peers then adds the disclaimer, "no homo."

So is that in the same "just an expression" category?

Just wondering.

[ibegurpard]

133. it's so fucking irritating

I always say "what's gay about it?"

[HuckleB]

134. I reply, "You're right. Whoever tried Gerry-rig that had no clue."

Look. It's a big world, and you're always going to meet someone who doesn't pay attention, doesn't care, or who is just trying to get you upset. Once you got that down, then it's time to choose your battles, and use your energy wisely.

[jumptheshadow]

143. So I am assuming...

that you don't care when people use ethnic slurs?

[HuckleB]

151. That's a rather bizarre assumption to make.

Goodness.

[jumptheshadow]

171. No it's not

This is the same battle fought by those who stood up against ethnic slurs. The ones who patronize those who are fighting this battle either don't care about ethnic slurs or don't believe they carry the same hurtful force as ethnic slurs.

[HuckleB]

172. Yup.

And one of the best way to fight slurs of all types is to utilize humor. I'm sorry that humor goes over your head.

[jumptheshadow]

187. Pal...

I use humor fighting this slur all the time. I believe I have posted about this...

I just don't see the humor in the results of this poll. It surprises me and makes me furious.

[HuckleB]

190. Now you're changing the topic of this subthread.

Why?

[Greyhound]

140. It would offend me and I definitely would speak out, but I'm (thankfully) old

enough that I don't hear this kind of childish nonsense (except here of course).

[Radical Activist]

145. I've had to argue this with people several times.

It's not easy to explain to some people that it's still an anti-gay slur, even if they don't "mean it that way." I haven't heard anyone say it around me in a long time.

[MineralMan]

146. It's very rare that I hear it said. The people I'm around

would never use that expression. If I hear it, I correct it. That's maybe happened once in the past year. Of course, I'm an old childless geezer, so I don't talk a lot with youngsters. I suppose I'd hear it more often if I were around kids more.

[tammywammy]

149. I don't hear it often either

I did hear it on tv recently, a commercial I think.

The only person I can think of that does say it is a gay person and I figure he can say it all he wants.

Maybe it's because I'm 30 and I don't hang around teens and I'm childfree.

[JNelson6563]

147. I like to say

So in other words, you think that's awesome? Cool.

Julie

[lunatica]

150. I don't argue with Middle School kids

[grantcart]

153. I make sure that I am not about to be hit by an out of control skateboard.

[AlinPA]

154. I've never heard it, but it is offensive.

[political_Dem]

155. I cringe because it is horrible.

It's slander in the same way that "tar baby" is. I don't care how trendy it is with the younger set. Hurting people's feelings and insulting their identity is not cool.

[Pool Hall Ace]

156. I say, "How do you know it's gay? Did it come out?"

That gets a puzzled look in return.

[QC]

159. 42% think that is OK. That certainly explains a lot about this place, doesn't it? n/t

[Behind the Aegis]

164. It does.

I wonder, how would a poll asking "How do you react when you hear: He jewed me down" or "How do you react when you hear: Let's nigger-rig the tv for better reception" fare? Would there be so many people claiming "It's (They're) just an expression(s)."? Would anyone tolerate defending those "expressions?"

[QC]

166. Well, everyone agrees that racism is bad, but homophobia is more a faux pas,

like eating the salad with the dinner fork, or wearing white shoes before Easter, in the eyes of many here.

[Behind the Aegis]

168. I think there is some truth with what you say.

I feel the same way about anti-Semitism. That said, I really think it may come down to plain old ignorance. Everyone knows "fag," "kike," "nigger," "chink," et cetera are "bad," but when the bigotry becomes couched in hidden innuendo or coded language or even 'less than overtly obvious,' then everyone wants to debate it, excuse it, ignore it, and/or minimize it. At face value, saying Obama is "an articulate, well-spoken man" would not necessarily be racist; BUT, and it is a big "BUT", it also depends on speaker and situation. I guess this is why I am so floored by those "excusing" the phrase "That's gay!" as "just an expression." With the possible exceptions of in-group solidarity usage (i.e. gay people) or political mockery ("Homophobia is gay!"), I find it is almost as offensive as calling someone a "dyke" or "faggot." It is sad that some forms of bigotry are "excusable." Very sad.

[mitchtv]

178. your post made me feel gypped

just an expression

[DireStrike]

165. Mixed feelings.

It sets off my "offensive" buzzer a little late, and I use the phrase occasionally. I think I'm torn between it being "just an expression" due to the huge amount of exposure I've had to it, and it being bad because of the negative connotations.

[TNLib]

174. For the most part it is just an expression but I do think it's also an insensitive expression

I think I'm just as guilty of being insensitive as anyone. But I do try to watch how I express myself. I think it's a big part of maturity.

[fascisthunter]

177. ok... I'm Blown Away with How People Voted... "an expression"?

hmmm

[Bluebear]

184. DU 2010 style.

[cbdo2007]

179. I don't mean to offend, but whenever I see those pick-up truck balls hanging down...

I always think to myself "that's gay".

I don't mean it to be a put down to the person or have any negative connotation, I just feel like a male driving a pick-up truck with male body parts hanging down off of it for the world to see, is really literally gay.

[Zax2me]

181. It's played....

Think it will be gone soon. But at one time I was hearing it in GAY circles, just everywhere.... Then from gay characters in movies.
But, hopefully, it will no longer be popular and we won't have to deal with it any longer.

[old mark]

182. my last boss used to say that, as well as calling people "ree-tards"

and just being pretty stupid and angry in general. He knew I didn't like it - I'm no poker face - but he had no problems with anything like that...one of the meanest people I have met, and one reason I was very glad to retire...I haven't heard anyone use that expression in years.

mark

[Bluebear]

183. "It's just an expression." - the new DU in a nutshell.

[AsahinaKimi]

185. I run a chat room on IMVU. I have made it known..

to anyone who uses that phrase, that its a slur against a group of people, just as any racist slur is. I won't tolerate it in my chat room. I will tell them, and if they give me grief about it, they will be kicked and baned from my room. No ifs, ands or buts. Period.

[jumptheshadow]

186. Very cool

It's people like you who really will make a difference as the younger generation comes up.

Thank you!

[AsahinaKimi]

188. You don't have to thank me,

I know what its like to hear people use some words without thinking about it. Sometimes they come into my chat room and ask me things like, "Do you speak Jap?".

I explain to them, that word is a racially charged word, and inform them they should either use the word in its full form "Japanese" or use the suitable abbreviations: "JP", "JPN".

The thing is, if they were to ask do you speak "Chinese" they would have to write it out. I know some people are lazy, and prefer not to have to type out a long word.. but The word "Jap" is offensive. There are other alternative ways to shorten it.

I have also heard the argument that "jap" can refer to Jewish American Princess, however that is "J.A.P" using periods. Spelled out that way, its fine. The other way is NOT.

[jumptheshadow]

191. I thought about your response all day

You helped me realize why so many people answered "Just an expression." They just don't have the experience dealing with chat rooms or video games, where this kind of language is pervasive. Or they believe that the abusers are limited to very young people, when, from my personal experience, I've seen many people up to their late 20s using abusive language. This is a growing trend -- and we are seeing some of the fruits of it in rabid political movements and increasing incivility. People just don't realize the power of words...

About three years ago, a video game I was playing merged a Japanese server into our U.S. population. I could not believe the outright racist remarks that were posted on the game's forum. I posted protests and was vilified by several other board members. Bottom line, they thought they felt it was okay to insult the Japanese players. Their remarks (and mine) would be translated into Japanese and posted on Japanese boards.

A few months ago, a few American players in my current game started in on the Pacific Rim/Aussie players on our server. It was totally gratuitous, much like the insulting use of the word "gay." I joined an Aussie/Pacific Rim guild. Bottom line, even though the Aussies can be very raw, at their worst they are far easier to take than their dumb and nasty American counterparts.

[McCamy Taylor]

192. I think "Boy, South Park sure has been a social force in America!"

[hollowdweller]

193. It was a popular slur when I was in Jr High in the 1970's

Then about 10 years ago I was talking with a friends daughter, who is gay and in response to what I was saying she said "That's so gay" meaning stupid or silly.

I sort of laughed that she was resurrecting something I remember from being a kid in Jr High, especially since she's gay herself. I sort of made her aware of the contradiction but I don't think it sunk in. It just meant stupid or dorky or silly to her.

[Sparkly]

194. 43% said "It's just an expression," on DU? Are you kidding me??

There are lots of "just expressions."

Yeah, it's an expression, and what does it MEAN?!?

(Remember "meaning?")