Teen pregnancy glorified or just an age-old reality that's becoming accepted?

[mrs_p]

I am watching a "16 & Pregnant" episode on MTV. I find the story interesting but when I was that age I would have thought of having a baby as the worst possible thing to happen to me. And, even though I found my life partner at a youngish age, we waited until our mid-late 30s to start our family (I'm pregnant now with our first). I was actually surprised when I started visiting pregnancy websites at the number of posters who are in their teens. In fact, most of the posters seem so young to be starting families (girls as young as 14). I definitely don't believe in ostracizing any girl for getting pregnant and I believe that every woman has the right to choose what she wants for her own body and when to start her family. It's just that at 16 my girlfriends and I were dreaming about college and would have taken all the necessary precautions to prevent a pregnancy. I just can't help but wonder if teen pregnancy has been glorified over the last years or become less of a big deal. Anyone else?

[Angry Dragon]

1. What I find disturbing is how Bristal Palin

is a role model to young women today.

The media and older palin followers think that she is just so great.
She is on Dancing with the Stars, she has an agent, she gets way too much money
for speaking engagements. Gee, if she can do that I should be able to do that too is a false premise.

[mrs_p]

5. yeah, i wonder about her rise as a role model

though, i bet there are many level-headed girls out there who think it is ridiculous.

[uncommon]

2. I think the show does a fairly good job of showing

all sides.

That said it does seem to be more accepted right now than even 10 years ago.

[mrs_p]

6. i actually like the episode

and really felt for the young lady who got pregnant. being a teen mom didn't seem ideal by the end of the show.

[blondeatlast]

3. I think it has but interestingly enough, I think the MTV series does a great job

of de-romanticizing it, at least from what I have seen.

[mrs_p]

4. i agree - it was my first time watching

and i felt they did a good job showing the stresses of being a mom - of any age...

[TexasObserver]

8. MTV's "16 & Pregnant" does debunk all the romaticizing of it.

The problem is the massive ignorance of the girls who think that it is a cakewalk. Most of them couldn't care for a dog properly, muchless a child. Never have 16 year olds been as ill prepared for parenthood as they are now. They're literally incompetent to raise children.

[Odin2005]

7. A 17yo cousin of mine got pregnant a couple months ago and...

Everyone on Facebook is saying that she will be a wonderful mom and all those fluff, but no one dared scold her for not using contraception. :eyes:

[mrs_p]

11. same thing happened to one of my cousins

at age 15 - then again at 17! no one said anything either time. she has a third child now and just broke up with her boyfriend. finally, her grandma said something on FB about it being time to grow up (older relatives on FB can be a hoot) and it turned into a family feud.

[Darth_Kitten]

35. Her grandma rocks!

:rofl:

[blondeatlast]

12. Well, I kind of agree that she should just get well-wishes.

Not the best analogy, but my sis just got dx'ed with cancer and I told my other sis (only surviving relative) to keep all the talk on the positive side unless sis with dx steers it in the other direction.

I'm sure your cousin has plenty of doubts; my only pregnancy was in my mid-30s and I had plenty of doubts. I only discussed them with the then-spouse and my closest family.

[Raspberry]

20. Totally different situation

Been there, done that with the cancer-thing. (30 years old, pregnant w/baby #2, dx'd w/Hodgkins.) Take your cue from HER. If she chooses to talk about it, feel free to agree that the situation SUCKS, that life isn't always fair, that the treatment is hard, whatever. Listen to her fears. Don't judge. My mother & sis would let me say what I felt. If I actually said what I felt, they got on my case.

As for a kid who is pregnant, maybe if someone would tell her the truth--that she has royally screwed up her life, that she will most likely live in poverty, that guys don't really want to be saddled with someone else's kid, that she only gets once chance to be young and do young-people things--maybe she would consider giving the baby up for adoption. Tough choice, but far better for everyone involved.

[SocialistLez]

39. I just refuse to comment

I hate to be a Rachel Realist and scold them for not using contraception.

A cousin of mine, who is the same age as me (20) is pregnant and I just want to slap her.

[Raspberry]

9. I'm with you.

I'm in my mid-50's. There were several girls in my graduating class 35+ years ago, and most of them got married. One girl became a single mom. ALL had much more difficult lives than those of us who put off childbearing. Poverty. Serial marriages. Etc. Most of which is still true.

I like the show, because I think it points out the difficulties. It isn't just a cute little accessory that you can dress up and push around in a stroller. There are stresses on relationships with boys who aren't ready for the responsibilities of parenthood. There are the restrictions on the girls' activities. I think (to be realistic) the show should follow the girls throughout their lives. Show them at 25, looking 40 (a tough life shows on your face.) Show them with an obnoxious 4-year old. Or a rebellious adolescent.

As an aside, usually when you hear about a baby who has been shaken to the point of death or serious injury, it's because a young woman left her baby with the new boyfriend, who has no interest in the spawn of a previous guy. Wish more of an issue was made of that little fact.

[Phentex]

21. I don't know what the stats are but...

it does seem to be the case more often than not (babies left with boyfriends)! Sometimes I really do think the deaths are accidents but when will these women learn?!

[Raspberry]

29. Short answer--

They won't learn. For whatever reason, young women are so hungry for relationships with males that their standards are incredibly low. (My niece--who, for the record, is a single mom--recently decided that she is only going to look for a guy with a *job* and a *car.* Her mom is really just glad that she has set some standards.

Maybe you've heard of the case here in Michigan. A bio-dad of a 13- and a 15-month old was just arrested for causing their scalding deaths in a bathtub. He's 27 years old. He is a scumbag, who just wasn't ready for parenthood.

[Phentex]

31. That's awful!

Unfortunately, we have too many of these cases here, too. :(

[hfojvt]

10. I cannot speak for times before written records exist

but it was not that common in the 17th-19th centuries.

edit- and I cannot type for any time

[mrs_p]

13. uncommon you mean?

if yes, you are absolutely correct. women traditionally bore children at a much younger age than we do now (and there is an argument for biologically having children before 30). but we also died younger, and i think we are emotionally less ready now than we were back then.

[hfojvt]

36. maybe younger than we do now, especially if by 'we'

you mean the upper middle class, but no, the cliche is that teen pregnancy was the norm back in the 18th and 19th centuries, and that is not true in my research.

Also, the business that 'we died younger' is also mostly not true. Let me pick a random example - the great-grandparents of the person I was just researching. Abel Newton was born in 1765 and died on 15 jul 1858, age 93. His wife Elsie Loomis was born 19 Jan 1769 and died on 22 Aug 1859 in Cooperstown, NY, age 90. Their first child was Amasa born on 14 Dec 1789 when Elsie was almost 21. Then there's Elsie's parents. John Loomis born 6 jun 1741 in Colchester, Ct and died on 4 May 1811 in Salem, Ct, age 70, married on 18 Dec 1760 to Rachel Harris born 30 sep 1737 in Salem, Ct and died on 23 Jun 1827, age 90. Age 23 when she got married, although whoops, first child was Jacob Loomis born on 19 Jun 1761, a mere 6 months after the marriage. Then John's grandparents Samuel Loomis 12 Aug 1666 in Windsor, Ct and died 20 May 1754, age 88 married on 2 Jul 1688 to Elizabeth White, born 13 Nov 1667 and died 18 feb 1736, age 69. Those are fairly typical examples (although 90s were not that common) picked mostly at random. Much of the 'we died younger' comes from averages in which much higher infant mortality was bringing the average down.

[cynatnite]

14. I watched the show once with my daughter and we both thought it sucked...

It didn't glorify being young and pregnant at all.

Teen pregnancy is a norm of our society. Until the fundies get out of the way and stop this abstinance only bullshit it'll continue to be normal. When they types stop trying to stop young girls from protecting themselves it might become unusual.

The girls we saw didn't come close to glorifying teen pregnancy.

[mrs_p]

16. i just finished my first episode

and agree with all your points completely.

[Raspberry]

18. No way is it a "norm!"

Most young woman aspire to college and marriage before parenthood. As they should.

And whether you like it or not, you really can't blame the "fundies" since there are very, very few abstinence-only sex ed programs out there. OTOH, way back before there were ANY sex ed classes, there were actually far fewer teen pregnancies. Just sayin'.

[shanti]

15. well

i live in a working class community and there are a LOT of teen girls having babies here for reasons i don't fully understand. i don't like it either. they can't afford to raise them on their own. let me rephrase that. the only young girl i know of who is supporting her child is employed as a stripper. sad....:(

[mrs_p]

17. that is heartbreaking

[Raspberry]

19. OK. I'm an old fuddy-duddy

but this is NOT a good trend at all. Kids raising kids. Little boys with no male role models. Little girls looking for daddy in every guy they meet. Young women looking for love in the only way they know. Self-esteem getting lower and lower and lower. Poverty rates among that demographic getting higher and higher and higher.

Wish there was an easy answer.

[AmandaMae]

22. teenagers have always gotten pregnant. I don't think many people glorify it;

I'm 19 and no one I knew in high school wanted to become a mother at that age. I think it's a good thing if teen mothers are not stigmatized, and are given all the support they need, but I still don't think many people would idealize becoming a mother at such a young age in our society.

[mrs_p]

23. yes, that was my experience too in HS

but i also know several girls who don't use protection and know all the risks. i'm not sure if they think it just won't happen to them or if getting pregnant isn't that big of a deal??

[Raspberry]

30. Girls never got pregnant in the numbers they do now

This is something new, and disturbing.

[treestar]

24. Age old reality

In fact, girls were married as teenagers in earlier years. And it's better than not accepting it and putting the girls and their kids into a negative position.

[Codeine]

25. My girlfriend got pregnant when she was 14.

Don't get the wrong idea -- this was YEARS before I got together with her! It had a dramatic impact on her ability to build a future for herself.

[mrs_p]

27. haha - thanks for the clarification

otherwise, your post would raise a whole other issue. when i was a teenager, my impression of having a baby was exactly what you describe (i watched a lot of degrassi junior high). i hope all is well for her now.

[KT2000]

26. Martyred !

In my opinion, the anti-abortion efforts have made teen pregnancy a badge of honor and the young mothers martyrs for giving birth and keeping the baby.

It is a complicated issue for sure, with many causes, but I do think the antiabortion groups need to take some responsibility.

[mrs_p]

28. yes, i wonder about that too

[timtom]

32. My grandmother had her second (!) child, my father, when she was sixteen.

She was married, of course.

[JI7]

33. Glorified for Black Girls or LAtino or other minorities ?

i always tell people imagine if it was Obama who had the pregnant teen daughter . would the reaction be the same as with Palin's daughter?

[Darth_Kitten]

34. Well, if you have the funds/maturity to have a child.....

have it.

I do think it is glorified; if boyfriend doesn't stick around it'll come down to a combination of Mom (Grandma) and help from society.
I don't want my tax dollars going to support bad choices. :(

[Primitive Mind]

37. I think the answer to your post is....Yes

Humans are more or less biologically programmed to have children between the ages of 16 and 22. Women at that age are typically at their most fertile. Historically, a lot of full term babies were born to sixteen year old women after five months of marriage. That wasn't a big deal when the economic choices were limited and, this is important to me, the young father was expected to be there and be responsible.

These days, contraceptive options exist and should be used in concert, but too often they aren't. Statistics are meaningless to the individual, but useful for demonstrating likely outcomes. The statistics surrounding teenage pregnancy show an absolute train wreck. Women who become pregnant are more likely to drop out of high school, not obtain a college degree, be a victim of domestic violence, and suffer from substance abuse just for some of the nicer statistics. The children of these women are likely to carry on the pattern of early pregnancies.

[WolverineDG]

38. Depends

If a teenage girl in mainstream society has sex with her boyfriend & gets pregnant, no one bats an eye. But if a teenage girl in an unfavored group makes the same choice, the very same people become completely unglued, as if that was the worst thing to ever happen to her. And should the teenage girl refuse to be "rescued," she's labeled as "stupid" & "brainwashed."

dg