Perky 'Canada" Has Its Own Government and Laws

[joeybee12]

It’s Monday morning, and Toronto resident Steve Dorman shares a quick breakfast of “eggs” (a native food) with his “wife” (an officially state-sanctioned mate), and discusses yesterday’s poor showing by the hometown team in “baseball” (a popular local sport). After a kiss on his wife’s cheek, he hops on the “subway train” (a mode of subterranean transport) to the office.



This is life in exotic Canada City, the capital set deep in the heart of the mysterious land known as Canada (pronounced CAN-a-da).

Like his estimated 35,000 fellow countrymen, Dorman is proud to be a “Canadian.” Located 120 miles north of Buffalo, NY, Canada is, according to Dorman, “a nation with a government and laws distinct from those of the United States.” It also has a military, a system of taxation, and periodic free elections to select political leaders. It even has its own currency, says Dorman, various denominations of “dollars” that can be exchanged for the many products manufactured in Canada, including Canadian bacon and ice.

Canada City, Canada’s largest community, is located in a place called a “province,” a subdivision not unlike the cantons of Switzerland. There are 10 Canadian provinces in all, from Nova Scotia in the east to British Columbia in the west. And, much like America’s states, nearly every one of the provinces has its own capital. But make no mistake—there’s nothing provincial about these provinces. Canada has both feet planted firmly in the 20th century.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/perky-canada-has-own-government-laws,19927/

[zorahopkins]

1. You Mean "Canada", Right?

I think your "headline" needs some editing.

You need another "a" in "Canada".

[joeybee12]

5. Thanks...I'd never heard of 'Canada' before, so it was an honest mistake!

[liberal N proud]

7. That's Canada, eeh

[slackmaster]

2. What a wonderful, exotic place!

I'd like to visit there sometime.

[indy legend]

14. I will be living there in 2 months. The wife and kids are already there

My wife has taken a job there, my girls are going to college there and I will be there 24 hours after retirement and my last day of work June 3rd. God bless Canada and the beautiful province of British Columbia.

[DavidDvorkin]

17. How I envy you!

Enjoy your new life in that beautiful place.

[indy legend]

18. Thank you so much, and good luck

I'm turning 50 next month and after 25 years I'm getting out of here with what is left of my pension. My wife,44, will be working at and my two oldest daughters will attend Simon Frasier University. We are looking forward to this move so much. I hate to bail out but I just don't have the energy to fight this mess here anymore. I have been beating my head against the wall in this GOP hell known as Indiana all my life and these people are just too damned fucking stupid to be reached. We feel this is the best chance we have to secure our future and our girls futures. I am going to miss this racist filled, Fox infested shit hole so much (sarcasm). Being a interracial, liberal couple in the suburban Indianapolis is no place to be and certainly no place for my family to stay. Hell even my right wing, idiot relatives hate us so there is little I will miss about here. It wasn't our first choice but this opportunity came up, we loved the area and my girls loved the school so here we go. Those of you who are younger and have more energy left please keep up the fight. God help America if the dems don't wake up and start fighting back against this conservative cancer and acting like they have a spine.( I'm not holding my breath) If the repugs regain total control (as if they don't already actually have control) even God won't be able to save this country.

[DavidDvorkin]

21. I'm older than you and semi-retired

So moving to BC is out of the question unless I have some sort of windfall.

We'll keep visiting coastal BC as often as we can afford to, though. I fell in love with that area the first time I saw it, and the feeling increases with every visit.

I think you're doing the right thing. I went to high school in northern Indiana and college in Bloomington. That was in the 1950s and 1960s. It seems to have gotten much worse socially and politically since then.

[lumberjack_jeff]

3. A humble, simple folk

Whose main export is a beverage they call "Molson's".

+1

[rfranklin]

4. Gee whizz! I thought that was a yeast infection...

You learn something new every day!

[meegbear]

6. I heard about that country back in the 80s ...

Men Without Hats "The Safety Dance" - If it wasn't for that song, I would never have even heard of the place.

[MineralMan]

8. Canada is a myth, pure and simple. No such place

exists. If you drive north the United States, you eventually reach a large body of water.

Here are proofs that Canada does not exist:

1. There is supposed to be a place in Canada, named London, Ontario. Everyone knows that London is in England, and Ontario is in Orange County in California.
2. It is said that people speak French in Canada. French is spoken in France.
3. Vancouver is in the State of Washington, not in Canada.
4. Another mythical place in Canada is Saskatoon, Saskatchewan. That is simply a ridiculous name. Nobody would give a place such a name.
5. In Minnesota, the border is an enormous body of water, not some mythical country. Same thing applies in Michigan. North America's northernmost country is the USA.


Do not be deceived by people claiming to be Canadians. They're all in on the hoax.

[indy legend]

19. Sadly if that was said on Fox News or Rush everyone listening would believe it.

[mkultra]

9. Canada! Its Americas hat!

[sarge43]

10. You mean that place where my grandfather was born?

Wow, I didn't know I had such an exotic, furrin background. Does that make me an "anchor" grand baby?

[kenny blankenship]

11. Oh great, another Conch Republic

This gets tiresome - but hey go ahead and declare whatever. I guess the bar for having your own country has been lowered to selling half price draft beer on "Independence Day" and there's no going back.

"Canada" - sure why not? I mean they let South Carolina have their own state government after all the shit they pulled. Sauce for the goose.

[WatsonT]

12. Dave Foley on "Canada"

"Now I've been surprised to find how little Americans seem to know about Canada. Now granted, there are many similarities between our two nations but there are also many subtle differences that give us our unique Canadian identity. For example, in Canada everyone hates Barbara Streisand. But here she seems to be quite popular.

And there are other differences too. I mean, we don't have states; we have provinces. Umm, we use the metric system. Canadians and Americans both love football, but in Canada the game is played slightly differently. The field is a different size for one thing, The CFL field is 17 miles long and 6 feet wide. So understandably, games are a little longer. In fact, the 1949 Gray Cup game is still in progress.

Many Americans believe that our national anthem is "Oh Canada" simply because we enjoy singing it before hockey games. But in fact, our anthem is "The Night Chicago Died" by Paper Lace.

Our systems of government differ somewhat in that America is a Republic with a President, a Congress, and a Senate. In Canada we are ruled by a small boy with supernatural powers... of whom we are all very fond.

Now in the U.S. when a mommy and daddy love each other, they perform bipolar sexual intercourse and make a baby. Canadians, however, are a breed of hermaphrodites who reproduce by means of auto-insemination, thus eliminating the need for sex. This also explains why we don't really have a film industry.

And of course, how can we discuss Canada without discussing the weather. Yes, it is cold in Canada. It is very, very cold, are ya HAPPY now?? Yes, the average year-round temperature is 275 degrees below zero, but that is CELCIUS. Now can we talk about something else??

Like for example, the fact that our atmosphere is pure sulpher dioxide which is, of course, incapable of sustaining life, LIFE AS YOU KNOW IT. Or the fact that we only have gravity for 6 hours out of each day and spend the rest of our time desparately clinging to trees to avoid being spun into the endless abyss of space.

Yes, all this is true, but at least we have universal health care.

Thank you for your time."

[Arugula Latte]

13. Canada is not as perky as it once was. But, that's okay, that happens with age.

[kickysnana]

15. Here in Minnesnowta our French cousins are in the state to the North, Canada.

Our red-neck Norwegian cousins are to the South,Iowa I hear they got indoor plumbing now, our Native American cousins are in the Dahkotas and the Ed Gein line is East of US in Wisconsin, we don't mention them a lot.

:hide:

[KamaAina]

16. FAIL.

When Canadians say Alberta they mean Texas. :-)

[trotsky]

20. Cute!