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Member since: Sat Oct 17, 2020, 12:16 PM
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Now for a Brief Comedic InterLube

George W. Bush Goes to the Proctologist
Cough Please

Dr. Holmes bending over butt: Now, don't you worry President Bush, this won't hurt a bit.
Face of George W. Bush between legs: OK.
Proctologist reaches down into President Bush's anus, reached, reaches,
Dr. Homes: What is this?
President Bush: Finding anything in there doc?
Dr. Holmns: Something very strange, very weird...
Pres. Bush: It's not my harmonica again, is it?
Dr. Homes: Not this time, I'm sure of it.
Dr. Humms reaches way far far far in,
Dr. Hummus: I've never delivered a baby before, at least not this way.
What in God's name.....what..what...waaaaaaaaaa
With one humongous heave Dr. Thumbs hauls out Donald Trump's Head.
Dr. Holmes, shocked horror, cartoon eyeballs popping out. DONALD HEAD, which, by the way, is covered in shit, DONALD HEAD, shocked horror cartoon eyeballs etc. jumps from Dr. Mucus’ arms, rolls like a ball screaming out the door and onto the set of a music video combining the Drifters’ Under the Boardwalk with Disney’s “Under the Sea” from The Little Mermaid.

Atlantic City, cue Burt Lancaster.

DONALD HEAD, singing into mic:
Oh, when the sun beats down and burns the tar up on the roof
And your shoes get so hot, you wish your tired feet were fireproof
Under the boardwalk, down by the sea, yeah
On a blanket with my baby is where I'll be

REPUBLICAN HEADS CHORUS: George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Lon Chaney but not Penny Chenery while Secretariat mounts Mitch McConnell (Neigh, hey, I’m from Kentuck too, bitch), Ronald Rays-Butt, GNut Gangrinchwich, with occasional cameos by A. Helter, MooseBallini, and other foreign illuminatrix like Vlad de Putin, The Toilet Bowl Ring (North Korean Style), and did I say Richard Nixon? Agnew, Adolf Hitler, McCarthy and Cohn, these are few of my favorite things...

DONALD HEAD, backed by chorus of assholes arranged billiard ball style behind him when not doing exotic dance routines weaving in and out under the boardwalk pilings,

Odd Note Pertaining to Nothing in Particular: Just Googled “pilings”. Found an ad for americandeepfoundation.com. Girdle maker? Preparation H substitute? No,

Auger Cast and Driven Piles - American Deep Foundation, Inc.
Augercast, Precast, Timber, HP, Pipe, Micropiles, Helical Piers, Sheet Piles, Exc. Bracing. ADF has been installing piles since 1996 in South Carolina and throughout the southeast.

Jesus, who could make this shit up? Hey, go to South Carolina and get your Micropiles driven, free car wash with ever reaming. the americadeepfoundation. double holy crap.

REPUBLICAN HEADS dance and sing themselves further under the boardwalk into seedy looking area filled with cesspools.

Adolf, Mitch and Lon Chaney: "Slime me to the moon..."

The Tookises of Revenge
Up in sky: Endless matrix of assholes in toilet bowls staring down on them. Music stops. Enormous Stormy Daniels face looking down into single toilet bowl from TRUMP HEAD perspective. Infamous Trump Bus voiceover, other insulted assaulting BALLBUSTERS peer down at him from wrong sides of toilet bowls. THEN the BIG SWITCHEROO: Faces turn to asses. First giggling little farts then the shit flies.

Asshole Line Chorus tooting: "Under the board walk, board walk...." Fancy production number featuring highlights of last year’s semi-finalists in America's Got Assholes, starring Richard Nixon imitating Richard Nixon plus guest stars too disgusting to name, who else but Spiro Agnew, Father Coughlin, Huey, Dewey and Louie sporting Hitler moustaches sig heiling around, doo wap, doo wap.

Meanwhile, down by the ocean two year old Rush Limpbutt, Rupert Morloch, and Donald Head build shitcastles while shit waves spat the shitty shore. Their mothers, Adolf Shitler and Vladimir Shitcan in drag, sit in beach chairs, knitting, smoking Camel lights, remarking on various.

Adolf Shitler: You know Josie, I’d like to make it back to Kansas some day. Bring the kids too.
Vlad Shitcan looks up toward a dark sky full of shit sleet and shit hail turning to shitty snow.
Vlad: This is Kansas now.

Fade out.
Fade om.

Doorbell rings.
Fade in: Woman opens up door. It's Mr. Roto-Rooter.
Woman: Oh thank god Dr. Rooter, thank god…
They go into the master bathroom. Lady points down at toilet,
Lady: Listen.
Rooter puts head down on floor at base of toilet. Faint sounds of Under the Boardwalk and Under the Sea.
Rooter: WTF.
Rooter stands up, takes out humongous rooter and does what you do with a rooter deep as it can possibly go. If you saw the Shaman seal under the ice scene in The White Dawn, you understand.
Rooter: What...what..what
Woman runs screaming from house. Ghost Busters/Exorcist combine, neighbors, police, television crews, pools of shit and vomit flowing from doors and windows.... people, animals and things running jumping, swooping between trees on bungy cords…Up above flying shitfights light the skies.
Commentator one: That’s Ronnie the Rooster in his Shitfire. Curt, does that model have one or two anal engines?
Two: Just one.
One: OK, it’s Ronnie the Rooster versus Queequeg riding the Pequod to flame or fortune. Queequeg was recently traded from the white whales for nine male holstein bulls and a kangaroo.
Two: Is that some kind of code?
One: Yes. Voted most harpoony harpoonest three years in nine.
Two: And here's Ronnie the Rooster.
One: But Queequeg right on his butt, he’s raising his harpoon up...
Two: Not in range, not in range, don't throw yet.
One: He’s he’s he’s, OH my God, that must have really hurt.
Two: Hit ‘em right in the Gipper.
One: Queequeg roasted Ronnie the Rooster.
Two: That meal must have tasted plenty good.
One: Well that’s it for tonight,
Two: Or hopefully, forever.

Long long painful silence.

Young child: Mr. Rooter's going to be all right, isn't he ma?
Mother: Well Jimmy, when you’re that deep in shit…

Mr. Rooter bursts out of BURNING HOUSE hauling an industrial size cable, straining, sweating and panting, (Mr. Rooter, steel drivin' man) friends and neighbors join in, FDR, JFK, and XYZ hauling on this awful goddam slime-shit dripping rooter. Frodo, Bilbo and Gandalf, fireman shooting water down into the conflagration. This pisses off Burning House (Mickey Mouse 1937, Byrds Eight Miles High or David Byrne and Talking Heads?) Animated Burning House yells and bats at Firemen flying around on drones trying to get a shot. Large hairy workers, Woody’s “Everything you Always Wanted to Know” Bert Reynolds scene. The Incredible Hulk with Floating Down de Ribber Jr. plus friends battling sky demon asshole Republicans flying Piper Cups while Drunk Lit Up Pixies and whose side is Slimer really on?

Segue to penultimate scene from Raiders of Lost Ark. Donald/Belloq flanked by Adolf Hitler and The Marshmallow Man from Ghost Busters. Joseph Biden is Marion Ravenwood. The Statue of Liberty plays Indy.

Indy: Marion don't look at those assholes.
Marion: Why Not?
Indy: Are you fucking out of your MIND?
Joe Biden: How bout just a little peek?

Ghosties with faces of Eleanor Roosevelt, Muhammad Ali and Robert Frost fly around busting the nuts of Nazi soldiers in the guise of Nixon, Agnew, Roy 'The Face of Evil' Cohn (do this one in slow motion, like that scene from Seven Samurai), massive piles of burning shit in the background, helicopters and airplanes dumping flame retardant on burning retards emerging from shit piles like Salvador Dali giraffes.

Beethoven and Johnny Cash tug to God’s Gonna Cut You Down with Donald Trump’s Fourth Bowel Movement in second place, Ragnarök third and Abe Lincoln’s birthday all rolled into one great big something.


Rooter Man holds up an enormous plunger full of Republican for all to see.

“Ya' we in luck here
Down in the muck here under the sea”


Pause. Pause. Pause.

Scene flips. Uncle Sam sits on toilet, exhausted, wiping sweat from eyes.

Uncle Sam: My god, my god, Oh my god that was worse than the Great Depression. Thanks. Thanks to all of you. Looks up to the sky: And thank God for Mr. Rooter.


Cast comes on stage and goes batshit.

That's all Folks!

As always in love with peace,
Ned Ryerson III

Posted by NedRyersonIII | Sat Oct 17, 2020, 07:44 PM (1 replies)
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