OldBaldy1701E
OldBaldy1701E's JournalThe darkening skies.
Well, I am trying my best not to freak out right now. It seems the guy who owns the place where we live came back from Thanksgiving and informed me that he and the dude he says is his boyfriend are now engaged. Wonderful, right? No. Because, now I expect him to come to my hubby and myself and inform us that we will have to move out now that they are going to be getting hitched. To make a long story short(er), thanks to my own health taking a nosedive, my hubby being screwed over by his employer, and COVID, we are not in any position to be moving anywhere. We moved half way across the country because we were misled by both him and the company my husband works for. I cannot do anything about this. I do not have magic powers. I cannot 'hit someone up for help'. I told my husband that moving this far away from any safety net was dangerous. (We know no one here except the guy we moved in with and we both come from families who cannot do much to help us in this situation.)
I can tell you this... I will NEVER ignore my instincts or my gut feelings EVER again!
(WTF are we going to do? I KNEW something like this was going to happen! As an astute writer once said, "The boy who cried 'wolf' is a cautionary tale. But, what if the boy had been right the entire time and everyone had just ignored him?"
I don't know what to do.
I am sitting here wondering why I am still sitting here. I have been doing some thinking and researching about what to do instead of sitting here all the time. And, there just is not much coming to mind. This was never an issue in the past. I could always find something to do. But nowadays, anything I used to do is just that, I used to do it. Either because of physical issues or just my mental health, I cannot fathom doing much of anything. I don't want to do anything that people 'my age' seem to want to do, as they all seem to want to do things that require a 'dick waving' amount of money. I don't even have 'so broke I cannot afford to pay attention' money, so I can't do any of that. Plus, I do not have my own transportation anymore since my little truck died. My beloved husband works in the evenings and into the night, which just removes him and our vehicle from any plans. Plus, I just don't know if I have anything to offer anyone who is not a geeky, former performer who cannot do any of it anymore anyway. I mean, I jumped on two different sites that list activities and events for 'seniors' and everything listed looked shallow and boring and everything I did a search for came up empty. I don't get it. Why can't people understand that when one is done, it makes no sense to just sit around and mark time? I just do not get it. And on nights like tonight... with my favorite holiday coming up and a weekend of partying before that holiday even arrives, I just do not understand why anyone would want me to sit here in constant pain and depression for any length of time.
As Spock would no doubt say, it is not logical.
Looks like we are done.
My husband was not sleeping and I just asked him what was wrong. Turns out his employer is now doing the old 'reduce their hours so that they will quit' maneuver. We have no prospects here. We cannot move thanks to taking this extreme risk in moving up here in the first place. My health is fading fast and I can not do much of anything to help with this. I am done playing these stupid games for rich assholes who enjoy watching their grunts suffer. I am done with the lies and done with the illusion. He would be much better off without my worthless ass. He would certainly find it easier to get himself to a better place without the albatross hanging off of him. No one cares about my health unless they can profit from it. No one cares about anything unless they can make profit from it. I am just done with all of this. Fuck Panera and fuck the corporate world in general. I wish I was crazy, because I am sure I would feel much better if I could run amok somewhere. But, I cannot even run, much less do something so energetic. I am lost and I cannot think anymore. There are times when I cannot even climb a flight of stairs without resting. I am having hip issues now, in addition to all the other issues. No one cares. (Let me clarify... no one who could do something about any of this seems to care.) I am going to go now. I don't know what I am going to do. I do know that I am tired of struggling against the inevitable.
So, this question, in some form or another, has popped up multiple times.
And, I figured, why not ask those great minds at the DU about it and get their thoughts?
Ladies and Gentlemen...
The Art of Noise...
Now, to the question...
In your opinion, what percentage of the population born after 1983 could attribute their existence to this song?
(I put it at around 30%, which sounds high but back in the day, this tune was like magic...)
Oh yeah, a few more pics from the trip.
Can you guess where we decided to stop for gas?
Thought I would post these here as well...
Home... there is nothing more to say...
A few images from my recent trip home.
(And, points nearby)
Hope you enjoy them...
I contacted my congressperson about my Social Security situation.
They replied yesterday. I am denied Social Security Disability, and I am denied Supplementary Income, both due to the measly income that my husband makes because he had to return to being a baker with a company that removed his entire department during COVID. He had no choice but to return and bake because we are failing fast. It is part-time work and they won't give him full time hours. Now, all of my efforts to get us some help have failed as well. Where are the nearest train tracks? I am done now. There is no hope. There is no life for anyone who does not work themselves to death for the oligarchy. I am not sure if I want to even worry about anyone or anything right now since no one gives one rat's ass about me. Maybe selling my organs might bring a little something in for him. I will have to look into that.
Today has been a nightmare.
What is one supposed to do when one's significant other cannot be bothered to read a rental agreement and all its minutia... like the part that says we have to have a credit card in order to rent a vehicle although they said they were happy to use our debit card when we made the reservation? (They meant in order to reserve the vehicle, not to pay for it. Go figure that one out. I have a headache from it.) Now, in order to go on our vacation, we will have to drive our own vehicle. Now, I am stressed beyond belief because of this. If that thing craps out on us, we are done. But, we lose all that we put into this trip if we don't go. We are not rich enough to be able to just change our plans. We are certainly not rich enough to lose what we have in this trip already. And, we are not rich enough to survive a complete vehicle death hundreds of miles from home.
We leave first thing in the morning. Gaia smile on us, because the rest of the pantheons don't want to...
(Oh yeah, I will be very restricted in my ability to check the DU while I am away. I only have my poor old tablet. Can't see my phone well enough to read the site.)
My attorney told me to call my congressperson. (cross-posted)
That is how f**ked up this entire thing is. They have gotten my application for supplementary income wrong for fourth time. They have put that we own the home. We don't. this is going to make the people assessing my request to believe that we own this place. They are going to tell me to f**k off for the second time in ten years because they cannot keep their information straight from one person to the next.
And people wonder why I am such a cynic...
