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Top 10 Idiots

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Member since: Wed May 30, 2018, 11:44 AM
Number of posts: 120

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This is the official DU account for the new format Top 10 Conservative Idiots separate from the host account Initech. The new format Top 10 will launch June 13th, 2018 and all posts related to the Top 10 (promos, etc) will be posted from this account only. If you wish to contact the Top 10 you may do so here: E-mail (all questions, concerns, suggestions, and hate mail welcome): Top10Idiots@gmail.com Follow the Top 10 on Twitter: @10Idiots A Facebook page will be created shortly. **This account will ONLY be used to post official Idiots editions, promos, and things related to the Top 10. No other posts will come from this account** Top 10 Wiki: https://www.democraticunderground.com/100211322508

Journal Archives

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #6-7: In Soviet America Wall Does You! Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #6-7: In Soviet America Wall Does You Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! 15 minutes with us can save you $300 or more on your car insurance! What’s up Ontario? Yeah we’re hanging out in the 909! This is our last road show for a while and then we’re going back to our home at the UCB in Los Angeles, but this road trip has been really great and we can’t wait to get back out soon. Do we have time for the thing? OK people, have we learned nothing from Pizzagate? Which is don’t get your bullshit conspiracies mixed up in my pizza, damn it! So what am I talking about you might ask? Well, I answer you, good sir / madam. There’s a new video on Youtube alleging that Chuck E Cheese, the pizza equivalent of Spirit Airlines, recycles its’ pizza for new customers. Yes, the video alleges that the place where a kid can be a kid takes the slices that you didn’t eat and puts them back on the trays for new customers. Which actually – I shit you not – prompted the parent company of Chuck E Cheese to post their own video of their pizza being made fresh out of the oven. Now you might say that that’s what you get for going to Chuck E Cheese, and normally I would agree with you. However that’s also addressed in the original video and the response from the Chuck E Cheese management. People stop it, just plain stop it. OK that’s enough of the intro, we have a lot of idiocy to get to, but first we have John Oliver is back (finally!!) and he goes into all possible Brexit scenarios for Brexit III: With A Vengeance!

Well, so Trump declared himself judge, jury, and executioner in his own Fox News manufactured crisis, because he believes that he is only president of Fox News viewers. So in the number one slot is the Stable Genius (1) himself, or Mar-A-LardAss as he was referred to on Twitter and his fake national emergency which he then left us with the mess, while he enjoyed some “executive time” (read: golf). Yeah. Taking the second slot this week is the GOP (2) and why they hate Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’ proposed Green New Deal, and why she’s making conservative heads explode (hint: the Kochs handed them nice big paychecks). In the third slot this week, we’re bringing back a long dormant and old fan favorite feature – the Top 10 Mystery Machine! Yes, we were all horrified by the MAGA attack on Empire star Jussie Smollet, but it turns out that he’s got some ‘splainin to do, and wait until you see the crazy plot twist! In the 4th slot this week – we’ve got a new installment of “We’re All Gonna Die”. While Californians are prepared for the inevitable “Big One”, an even bigger one looks to kill us all! Storms, that is! So yeah we’re all gonna die. But we still got our guns right? Ha! In the number 5 seed, is our weekly investigative piece Top 10 Investigates (5) and we’re going to take a look at why California decide to axe a controversial plan to bring high speed rail between San Francisco and Los Angeles. At number 6 this week is our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in “Holy Shit” and this week our resident pastor is going to find out whether or not GAWD wants another 4 more years of the Dark One serving in power or not. We hope not! For the #7 slot this week, and conservatives, rather than trying to be cool and hip with the young people, be lame and own your lameness! Taking the #8 slot this week is a new edition of “This Fucking Guy” and this week we’re going to profile end times Christian conservative firebrand preacher Jesse Lee Peterson (8) and whew, this guy is certifiably nuts. In the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot is the return of one of our favorite segments, People Are Dumb (9) and there’s been some really stupid people since the last time we had this segment! Finally folks, unfortunately, our series that explains how government works to conspiracy theorists, Deep State Diaries is coming to an end. Now don’t be sad! We have one more, then we begin our 3rd annual Stupidest State Contest! So for our next to last DSD, we’re going to see how the government handles disasters (current one not withstanding!) as we hang out with FEMA! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]Mar-A-Lardass
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Hey everyone it’s a national emergency! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! Or is it? So unless you’re hiding under a rock by now you know that Trump declared himself literally above the law when he signed a national emergency to declare a border wall. You know what before we get into the meat of the story, we got to play the clip of the speech, because it really is Trump at his most exquisite:

Two things – first why wasn’t the Guinness Book Of World Records at the Rose Garden on Saturday because I think Donald J. Trump gets the award for the world’s longest run on sentence. And second do the wall? Do the wall? That makes it sound like a 70’s disco dance! Everybody do the wall now! Oh and in Soviet America, wall does you! Yes, I have been waiting 5 days for that Yakov Smirnov reference. So what is going on exactly?

President Donald Trump will declare a national emergency to speed up funding for his proposed wall on the U.S.-Mexican border, but experts said the move would create a legal morass that could take until the middle of next year to resolve.

The White House announced Thursday that Trump will make the move that he'd suggested for weeks. The announcement came as Congress readied legislation that would devote $1.375 billion to the border wall, far less than the $5.7 billion Trump demanded.

Declaring an emergency would let Trump sidestep Democratic opposition to more wall funding, but it could draw legal challenges from lawmakers and others who viewed the move as a power grab. Although that could delay construction of his border barriers, an extended legal battle would give Trump a potent political issue to run on in the 2020 presidential election.

"Everyone’s going to come out of the woodwork," said Stephen Vladeck, a University of Texas-Austin law professor who teaches national security law. "I think we’re going to see an array of lawsuits that actually would all have to be dealt with separately."

Seriously anyone remember when the wall was going to cost $50 billion? Then it was going to cost $25 billion. Then it was going to cost $5 billion. Now it’s going to cost $1.325 billion. Mexico probably could pay for it at this point! So President Trump, you just declared a national emergency! What are you going to do now? “I’m going to Mar-A-Shithole!”.

Donald Trump headed to his private golf club in West Palm Beach, Florida, for the second day in a row today (Sunday, Feb. 17).

The presidential motorcade arrived at the Trump International Golf Club at 9:12am EST, the White House press pool reported. On Saturday (Feb. 16), Trump arrived at the club at 8:42am, the press pool reported, and left at 2:56pm.

After he left Saturday, the president held a meeting with his China trade delegation at Mar-a-Lago, another private club, Sarah Huckabee Sanders said in a statement. “Ambassador Lighthizer, Secretary Ross, Mick Mulvaney, and Peter Navarro will join the President in person at Mar-a-Lago and Secretary Mnuchin, Pat Cipilone, Larry Kudlow, Kevin Hassett, Derek Lyons and Clete Willems will join by phone,” she said.

Today marks Trump’s 171th day visiting a golf course since he became president on Jan. 21, 2017, according to Golf Net News. The president declared a national emergency in the Rose Garden on Feb. 15, after Congress failed to approve the amount of money he wanted in a recent spending bill to build a wall on the US’s southern border. Trump hopes to take $6 billion from the Pentagon to build over 200 miles of wall on the border, but the acting Secretary of Defense said this weekend that any budget decision was the Pentagon’s to make.

You know what? Fuck the meme, lets’ just show the photo:

So many weird things about this. I mean what’s that weird stripe on Trump’s face? Did he run out of bronzer? Or did he use a Bronzer-By-Numbers kit and just applied the wrong shade? And second who wore it better – Trump or the wall behind him? My money is on the wall behind him. And by the way is it weird when Ann Coulter is on our side? I mean I’ve spent the last 3 years calling Trump an idiot on an almost weekly basis and now Coulter is in on it!

President Donald Trump's announcement Friday that he was declaring a national emergency wasn't received well by all Republicans, none more vocal than Ann Coulter.

The conservative commentator had for weeks been bashing Trump for what she said was him caving to Democrats over his demands for additional funding to construct a wall along the southern border, even calling him the "biggest wimp ever to serve as President of the United States".

On Friday, the bickering made its way into a nationally televised news conference where Trump announced his plans to use executive powers to declare a national emergency to free up billions in funds for the proposed wall.

"Ann Coulter. I don't know her. I hardly know her. I haven't spoken to her in way over a year but the press loves saying Ann Coulter, probably if I did speak to her, she would be very nice," Trump said, adding that she is "off the reservation."

YES YOU DID!!!! Ann Coulter has *LITERALLY* spoken at your rallies, President Lard Ass! And by the way you know the phrase “I’ll see you in court” will absolutely apply here because Trump is going to face a lot of legal challenges in the forthcoming weeks. So get ready Trump, you will be having to answer for all of this insanity:

A coalition of 16 states, including California and New York, on Monday challenged President Trump in court over his plan to use emergency powers to spend billions of dollars on his border wall.

The lawsuit is part of a constitutional confrontation that Mr. Trump set off on Friday when he declared that he would spend billions of dollars more on border barriers than Congress had granted him. The clash raises questions over congressional control of spending, the scope of emergency powers granted to the president, and how far the courts are willing to go to settle such a dispute.

The suit, filed in Federal District Court in San Francisco, argues that the president does not have the power to divert funds for constructing a wall along the Mexican border because it is Congress that controls spending.

Xavier Becerra, the attorney general of California, said in an interview that the president himself had undercut his argument that there was an emergency on the border.

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[font size="8"]Green New Deal
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If there’s one liberal currently that conservatives *LOVE* to hate, it’s New York’s freshman representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. Is it because she’s Latina? Is it because she’s a woman? Is it because she’s from New York? Is it because she cares about the environment and the people? Or is it all of the above? Oh who am I kidding? The answer is easily all of the above! But her proposed “Green New Deal” has them talking and not in a good way. I wonder if it’s because the Koch Brothers handed them a large sack of money to talk trash about it? Or something else?

Democrats are bristling over a GOP effort to pit senators against the party's newly resurgent progressive base.

Republicans, fresh off a border funding fight they are widely viewed as having lost, are eager to pivot to offense as they hunt for 2020 fodder, when several Senate Democrats will be running for president.

Republicans say Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) is mulling a series of votes to try to jam Democratic senators, whom he has repeatedly tried to paint as pushed off center by the “radical left.” His first step this week was fast-tracking the "Green New Deal" resolution by putting it on the Senate calendar.

But top Democrats are brushing off the potential political fallout of McConnell’s tactics, comparing them to a “political stunt.”

Sen. Dick Durbin (Ill.), the No. 2 Senate Democrat, said Republicans were using a routine maneuver because it “amuses some small-minded senators.”

Oh yeah it’s just par for the course. Mr. Senator, if I may guess what senators those were? I’m thinking McConnell and Lindsay Graham. I’m correct? Woohoo!!! And we’re not even doing the Wheel Of Corruption this week! Oh and by the way in case you’re wondering whether or not republicans couldn’t possibly be any more childish, one representative in Kentucky is trying to prove it wrong with a whoopee cushion! Yes, the worst environmental problems can now be solved with fart jokes!

Kentucky’s Republican agriculture commissioner is giving away a green whoopee cushion to highlight his opposition to the “Green New Deal” pushed by Democrats in Congress.

Ryan Quarles is running for a second term as Kentucky’s commissioner of agriculture in 2019. Last week, his campaign announced it would hold a contest to give away a green whoopee cushion to draw attention to what he says are the anti-agriculture messages pushed by Democrats.

The “Green New Deal” pushed by some Democrats in Congress is a plan to combat climate change. An early draft of a FAQ about the plan mentioned getting rid of “farting cows.” A spokesman for U.S. Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez said the quip was meant to be ironic.

Uh… farting cows? Did you not see that episode of South Park? If we all hold it in, we all spontaneously combust! I mean it’s just science! And by the way Mitch McConnell is such a worthless piece of shit that you can’t get him to vote on anything or do anything meangingful, but he’s forcing a vote on this because he knows it will fail. What a jackass!

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell said Tuesday that the Senate would vote on the Green New Deal introduced last week by Sen. Edward Markey, D-Mass., and Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, D-N.Y.

"I've noted with great interest the Green New Deal, and we're going to be voting on that in the Senate to give everybody an opportunity to go on record," McConnell told reporters.

The proposal, which is not expected to pass the Republican-dominated upper chamber, could force some Democrats to make a politically awkward calculation.

Democratic liberals, including all of the senators currently running for president, have come out in support of the legislation, which calls for generating 100 percent of the nation's power from renewable sources within 10 years. Scientists have said dramatic, immediate action is necessary to stem the catastrophic effects of climate change.

Democratic moderates have been less than enthusiastic about the proposal. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi derisively referred to the House version of the resolution as a "green dream," while only 11 of the 47 senators who caucus with the Democrats have signed on as sponsors.

I swear that there’s a Simpsons GIF for everything! But in case you’re wondering whether or not there’s a rhyme or reason for Mitch McConnell’s madness, well you are absolutely correct because he’s forcing this vote because he knows the democrats will lose on this issue and that it will make them look like losers. Um… fuck you Mitch!

The Green New Deal, unveiled by New York Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and Massachusetts Sen. Ed Markey, will not resonate with American voters, longtime Democrat Barney Frank told CNBC on Tuesday.

The proposal, which calls for generating 100 percent of the nation's power from renewable sources within 10 years, is emerging as a major campaign issue, with all the Democratic senators running for president in 2020 pledging their support and President Donald Trump and Republicans blasting it.

"I think the Green New Deal would be loser," said Frank, the former Massachusetts congressman who retired in 2013 after more than three decades on Capitol Hill. "There's an argument that you don't destabilize a society by doing too much change at once."

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[font size="8"]Jussie Smollet Attack: Latest
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So why are we bringing back the Top 10 Mystery Machine? It’s been long dormant (last appearance was Top 10 #39 ) but we need to bring it back because we were all horrified by the MAGA attack on Empire star Jussie Smollett as he was dining at a Subway after his flight got into Chicago at 2:00 AM. But as the layers keep unfolding on this story, the more it’s like peeling back an onion – the more it stinks and the more likely you are to cry as a result. So how did this thing get so twisted? Let’s find out what is going on with the latest.

Two brothers told police that "Empire" actor Jussie Smollett staged an attack on himself because he was upset a threatening letter he received a week prior did not get enough attention, a law enforcement official briefed on the investigation told ABC News on Monday.

Detectives are actively investigating the allegation, but have not confirmed it to be true, the official said.

Chicago police said this weekend that they are "eager" to re-interview Smollett after releasing the two brothers, who were initially identified as persons of interest in the alleged Jan. 29 attack in Chicago's Streeterville neighborhood. A spokeswoman for Smollett said his attorneys are talking to police.

The brothers, who are not considered suspects in the attack, also told police that they were paid to stage the attack, the official said.

"We are not racist. We are not homophobic and we are not anti-Trump. We were born and raised in Chicago and are American citizens," the brothers said in a statement.

Wait wait wait wait wait wait wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. So you mean to tell me that Jussie staged his own attack and paid the guys to attack him? And first of all, how is Jussie the only person on earth to actually scam Nigerian people? Let's let that one sink in for a minute! He’s got some ‘splainin to do! In fact the Chicago Police even want to question his own actions on this whole thing. Just what the hell is going on????

Chicago police said Sunday they’re still seeking a follow-up interview with Jussie Smollett after receiving new information that “shifted” their investigation of a reported attack on the “Empire” actor.

The trajectory of the investigation “shifted” after detectives questioned two brothers about the attack and released them late Friday without charges, police spokesman Anthony Guglielmi said Saturday. He said police also reached out to Smollett’s attorney to request another interview with him.

Guglielmi said Sunday the interview had not yet been conducted. He declined to comment on published reports that police believe Smollett staged the assault or that a grand jury may hear evidence in the case. The reports cited unnamed police sources.

“We’re not confirming, denying or commenting on anything until we can talk to him and we can corroborate some information that we’ve gotten,” he said.

Smollett, who is black and gay, has said he was physically attacked last month by two masked men shouting racial and anti-gay slurs and “This is MAGA country!” He said they looped a rope around his neck before running away as he was returning home from an early morning stop at a Subway restaurant in downtown Chicago. He said they also poured some kind of chemical on him.

Now you might be asking how are celebrity fans and supporters of Mr. Smollett dealing with this most insane of plot twists? Now this is something that nobody saw coming even though it involved two guys wearing MAGA hats (and really if you’re surprised by that angle, you are in the wrong place!), well the celebrity action was a bit surprising but not really.

Trevor Noah brought up recent developments into the investigation of January's attack on actor Jussie Smollett on his nightly program Monday.

As of Sunday, Chicago police were pursuing "additional detective work" amid suspicion that the attack may have been faked. Two brothers told investigators they were paid by the "Empire" actor to stage the attack, according to a person familiar with the situation but not authorized to speak publicly.

"You have to admit, there's a certain part of the story that was always a little weird," Noah told his "Daily Show" viewers.

"Like, who are the MAGA supporters who hate gay people, who hate black people, but also happen to watch ‘Empire?’ ” Noah asked. In Smollett's account of the attack on "Good Morning America," Thursday he told Robin Roberts his attackers yelled "Empire" to get his attention and used racists and homophobic slurs.

"I've heard of hate-watching, but that (expletive) would be next level," Noah said. "It’s like a member of the Klan buying tickets to 'Fiddler on the Roof.' "

Yes, Mr. Smollett’s got a lot of ‘splainin to do involving his attack. But why do that when this is 2019 and you can just pass the blame onto someone else? I mean come on, blaming the media? That’s something that Trump would do! And he would have got away with it too if it wasn’t for those meddling kids!

As questions mount over Jussie Smollett's report to police last month that he was the victim of a racist and homophobic attack, two of the actor's siblings have taken aim at the media.

As questions mount over Jussie Smollett's report to police last month that he was the victim of a racist and homophobic attack, two of the actor's siblings have taken aim at the media.

"I have a feeling even if we had video of Jussie (Smollett) being attacked...y'all would still discredit him," the tweet read. "Because it's easier to believe what aligns with your contempt for survivors of hate crimes, sexual abuse, etc who happen to be LGBTQ+, disabled, or women."

Two law enforcement sources with knowledge of the investigation have told CNN that Chicago police believe Smollett paid two men to orchestrate the alleged assault.

In a statement from his attorneys issued Saturday, Smollett denied playing a role in the attack.
"As a victim of a hate crime who has cooperated with the police investigation, Jussie Smollett is angered and devastated by recent reports that the perpetrators are individuals he is familiar with," the statement said. "He has now been further victimized by claims attributed to these alleged perpetrators that Jussie played a role in his own attack. Nothing is further from the truth and anyone claiming otherwise is lying."

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[font size="8"]We’re All Gonna Die
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Hey everyone guess what? We’re all gonna die! Yeah the sooner we accept that, the better. If you’re not from California, allow me to school you in on a little state secret – we’re all gonna die. Yes, I know that I already said that! Thank you sir! And the way that everybody is going to die, at least what we were all told when we were kids - the worst thing we had to worry about showing up in our schools wasn’t a nutcase with a semi automatic rifle. No sir. It was supposed to be an earthquake measuring 9.5 on the richter scale. The proverbial “big one” as its’ called. Hey kids, I really hope everyone is having a great day today! Now we all have to hide under our desks in case a giant earthquake that could kill us all comes along! Ah, those were the days! And I mean come on have you not seen Spiderman: Homecoming? If a building falls on you, hiding under a desk isn't going to do shit! Well now there’s another big one that is headed its’ way. Yeah that’s what she said.

One of the most potent storms of the winter will continue to trigger flooding rain, mudslides, heavy mountain snow, strong winds and difficult to dangerous travel in California and much of the West this weekend.

Rain and mountain snow will spread inland through Saturday. Areas of rain and snow may persist not only on Sunday but into next week as well.

The amount of rain from the storm is more than enough to cause flash and urban flooding problems and trigger mudslides and rock slides. The mudslide risk will be greatest in, but not limited to, recent burn scar locations.

Evacuations in burn scar areas may be necessary. Several evacuation warnings have already been issued.

"Several inches of rain will fall on the west- and south-facing slopes of the coastal mountains and foothills and lower elevations of the Sierra Nevada this weekend," according to AccuWeather Senior Meteorologist Brett Anderson.

An AccuWeather Local StormMax™ of 8 inches of rain is forecast through Saturday night with some additional rain likely into early next week.

Oh calm down! We’re not gonna die just yet!!! So just how bad could this mega storm get? You know Houston has hurricanes, Kansas has tornadoes, California, we do storms and natural disasters way better! We’ve got torrential rains, mudslides, fires and possible earthquakes to worry about!

Scientists call it California’s “other big one,” and they say it could cause three times as much damage as a major earthquake ripping along the San Andreas Fault.

Although it might sound absurd to those who still recall five years of withering drought and mandatory water restrictions, researchers and engineers warn that California may be due for rain of biblical proportions — or what experts call an ARkStorm.

This rare mega-storm — which some say is rendered all the more inevitable due to climate change — would last for weeks and send more than 1.5 million people fleeing as floodwaters inundated cities and formed lakes in the Central Valley and Mojave Desert, according to the U.S. Geological Survey. Officials estimate the structural and economic damage from an ARkStorm (for Atmospheric River 1,000) would amount to more than $725 billion statewide.

In heavily populated areas of the Los Angeles Basin, epic runoff from the San Gabriel Mountains could rapidly overwhelm a flood control dam on the San Gabriel river and unleash floodwaters from Pico Rivera to Long Beach, says a recent analysis by the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers.

Hey! Haven’t you kids ever seen a storm that could kill a whole lot of us? Yes I’m channeling my inner Stan Lee on this one. And you know what? While my state has been busy preparing for “The Big One” we’re certainly underprepared for what’s going to come when the great storm hits.

Scientists call it California’s “other big one,” and they say it could cause three times as much damage as a major earthquake ripping along the San Andreas Fault.

Although it might sound absurd to those who still recall five years of withering drought and mandatory water restrictions, researchers and engineers warn that California may be due for rain of biblical proportions — or what experts call an ARkStorm.

This rare mega-storm — which some say is rendered all the more inevitable due to climate change — would last for weeks and send more than 1.5 million people fleeing as floodwaters inundated cities and formed lakes in the Central Valley and Mojave Desert, according to the U.S. Geological Survey. Officials estimate the structural and economic damage from an ARkStorm (for Atmospheric River 1,000) would amount to more than $725 billion statewide.

In heavily populated areas of the Los Angeles Basin, epic runoff from the San Gabriel Mountains could rapidly overwhelm a flood control dam on the San Gabriel river and unleash floodwaters from Pico Rivera to Long Beach, says a recent analysis by the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers.

No we’re still not gonna die! At least not yet. But this thing could have the potential to be a million times worse than a polar vortex and an even worse trail of devastation than the proverbial “big one”. Although at least on the flipside, California is finally getting some much needed water! Which will help with that “poor forest management” that President LardAss is accusing us of!

There’s still more than a week left in February, but already California has received about 18 trillion gallons of water thanks to a series of storms this month, according to the National Weather Service.

That’s enough water to fill 27 million Olympic-sized pools, forecasters said. The amount of water is also nearly half the total volume of Lake Tahoe.

Los Angeles has gotten its fair share of the rain as well, receiving more than 4 inches between Feb. 1 and this past Saturday, according to the weather service.

Those totals are likely to increase this week, too, with more showers forecast to drench Southern California from Wednesday night into Thursday.

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[font size="8"]Top 10 Investigates: CA’s Literal Train Wreck
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Hey! It’s time to investigate beyond the headlines! This is Top 10 Investigates!

One of the keys to California’s strong economy is a solid infrastructure. We have easy access to air travel and sea travel. And our freeway system is one of the best in the entire country and the entire world. So what’s missing? A European style high speed rail network. And one of the cornerstones of the new California administration was to help usher in a high speed rail network that would connect Los Angeles, the Central Valley, and San Francisco. But recently California Governor Gavin Newsom cancelled the project, prompting criticism and protest from around the state and around the country. What went wrong? We will find out.

Even before California’s High Speed Rail bond proposal appeared on the ballot in November 2008, the Howard Jarvis Taxpayers Association commissioned a study in conjunction with the Reason Foundation because of deep concerns about the project’s viability. The study, published in September 2008, just prior to the election, confirmed our worst fears. Specifically, the executive summary of the nearly 200-page document warned:

“The CHSRA plans as currently proposed are likely to have very little relationship to what would eventually be built due to questionable ridership projections and cost assumptions, overly optimistic projections of ridership diversion from other modes of transport, insufficient attention to potential speed restrictions and safety issues and discounting of potential community or political opposition. Further, the system’s environmental benefits have been grossly exaggerated, especially with respect to reduction of greenhouse gas emissions that have been associated with climate change.”

In the ensuing decade, it became increasingly clear that every negative prediction about the project came to be realized. Even initial advocates of the project, including a former chairman of the High Speed Rail Authority, turned against the costly boondoggle.

The capstone of criticism came at the end of 2018 when California’s own state auditor issued a scathing report excoriating the project’s mismanagement, waste and lack of transparency. To understand just how damning the HSR audit was, just consider the subtitle: “Flawed Decision Making and Poor Contract Management Have Contributed to Billions in Cost Overruns and Delays in the System’s Construction.”

So some extremely poor business decisions lead to the cancellation of California’s ambitious high speed rail project. Now before you go playing the blame game, let’s not blame the governor or the democratic party for this mess. In fact there’s several contributing factors that led to this getting cancelled.

On U.S. railroads, it’s been a week of emotional whiplash.

Just days ago, an outline of the much-anticipated Green New Deal— a proposal from Democratic lawmakers to dramatically cut U.S. carbon emissions—described the country’s need for high-speed rail network to help replace short-haul flights with lower-emission trips. Commentators on both sides of the aisle ridiculed the idea as politically impossible, even as environmental and transit advocates staunchly defended it.

Then, on Tuesday, California Governor Gavin Newsom tossed cold water on the state’s high-speed rail project, which represents a rare beacon of progress on next-generation train service in the U.S. In his first State of the State address, Newsom announced plans to scale back the scheme to link San Francisco to Los Angeles with a passenger train that could connect those cities in under three hours. Instead, only a much shorter, first phase of construction would be completed, putting 110 miles of improved rail service between the Central Valley cities of Merced and Bakersfield, with Fresno in the midst. That’s a huge step back from a 700-mile route connecting coastal population centers.

OK now it’s kind of like that. But there is a silver lining in an otherwise flawed plan. Think of it like the plot of Superman III if the bad guy had actually been able to get away with his money laundering scheme. But while this plan was flawed to begin with, that means that it could potentially come back in a big way for not only California but the entire US.

Despite delivering what some interpreted as a death knell, California Governor Gavin Newsom has confirmed—and re-confirmed—that a comprehensive high-speed rail system is still happening in the state.

But one part of Newsom’s original statement wasn’t open to nuance: This high-speed rail project has serious problems.

“The project, as currently planned, would cost too much and take too long,” Newsom said at his State of the State address. “There’s been too little oversight and not enough transparency.”

California’s rail campaign is a cautionary tale to be sure. A ballot measure was passed in 2008, setting up a bond measure intended to funnel $10 billion to the $38 billion project, which was estimated to finish in 2029. Yet, due to a politically fraught, lawsuit-plagued battle to determine the train’s route, over a decade later, construction costs have ballooned. Now there’s not enough money coming in to finance the project’s completion—especially as rail funding became limited nationwide after the 2009 economic stimulus.

That’s it for Top 10 Investigates. Good day.

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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
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Gather around, my fair brothers and sisters, it’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate! For the Holy Church of the Top 10 has convened and it’s our weekly duty to remind you why the holiest among us are also the most full of:

My fair congregation!! What are our brothers and sisters on the far right trying to tell us? Do we really need another four more years of the wretched, unholy, ungodly DARK ONE in the presence of the highest house in the land??? I mean from the very first DAY they have been somehow convinced that the Dark One is GAWD and JAYSUS combined into one person. But we all know that he isn’t! In fact he is the most egregious sinner of all – a man who lives the life of decadence and luxury that these people otherwise claim to despise.

The annual anachronism known as the National Prayer Breakfast attracted its usual array of clergy, military, and political leaders in Washington on 7 February. Most prominent of all, of course, was Donald Trump, who used the de facto pulpit to call for outlawing abortion, among other positions dear to the Religious Right.

Yet the presidential comment that most typified all that has gone morally haywire with the supposedly moral majority came when Trump praised the “abolition of civil rights”. You can consider that statement an innocent, if embarrassing, misreading of the Teleprompter. Or you can hear it as a Freudian slip.

As inspired by the Reverend Billy Graham and originated by President Dwight Eisenhower in 1953, the National Prayer Breakfast served two consensual, almost anodyne purposes. It epitomized the moderate, mid-century civil religion that preached that an American was a better citizen for believing in God and going, at least occasionally, to church or synagogue. And amid the Cold War, American leaders insistently portrayed their nation’s collective faith confronting what was routinely called “godless Communism”.

In fact, the greatest application of religion in the public square during the 1950s and 1960s occurred in pursuit of a liberal goal: civil rights. Like the abolitionists of the 19th century, civil rights leaders such as the Reverend Dr Martin Luther King Jr wielded the Bible and its concept of all humanity being formed in the divine image as an argument for racial equality.

Well we hope it doesn’t come to that. But then this guy had to go and make a bad situation worse, which is what he usually does. You know, the guy who we currently call president had to go and rub salt in the wound of high speed rail advocates:

President Donald Trump hit back Tuesday at California’s latest lawsuit against his administration in his trademark way — through Twitter.

In two tweets early Tuesday morning, Trump criticized California and the other 15 states filing suit, calling them the “mostly ... Open Border Democrats and the Radical Left.” He said California “seems in charge” and implied state officials had no room to criticize him on wall spending due to the billions spent on the California High Speed Rail Project.

“The failed Fast Train project in California, where the cost overruns are becoming world record setting, is hundreds of times more expensive than the desperately needed Wall!” Trump said.

The lawsuit, which California Attorney General Xavier Becerra announced on Friday, was filed in the U.S. District Court for the Northern District of California Monday evening. Trump announced Friday that he is declaring a national emergency to divert funds from military construction projects to build a wall on the U.S.-Mexico border after Congress did not budget the amount he wanted.

California’s lawsuit, its 46th against the Trump administration, argues that border crossings are at historic lows and that Trump overstepped his power by trying to redirect money that Congress denied him in its most recent budget agreement.

Yes, that’s not how any of this works, damn it! Oh you know we are allowed to swear in my church because I do believe that it is our GAWD given right! Can I get an amen???? And do we really need another 4 more years of Q anon? Remember this nonsense? Even the people who it attracted are the ones who are now apologizing that they doubted it!

On Saturday, radical right-wing commentator and rabid conspiracy theorist Sheila Zilinsky issued an abject apology on her podcast for ever having doubted QAnon.

Last month, Zilinsky appeared on “The Hagmann Report,” where she declared that she was no longer a believer in the QAnon conspiracy theory, which posits that Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s investigation into Russian interference in the 2016 election is really a cover for a plan by President Trump to take down a massive global pedophile ring.

Zilinsky said that while she was once “really onboard with the Q thing,” she was no longer convinced that it was legitimate since the long-promised wave of mass arrests never seems to actually occur.

“Let’s cut the crap,” she said. “Until there’s some people in jail, I’m not a Q fan anymore. I’m just kind of giving up the whole thing, unless I see something happen real quick. I just really don’t want to go down that rabbit trail anymore.”

I mean Qanon, Pizzagate, are we certain that we want another 4 more years of this? I know that I definitely don’t! Especially since the forces of AYVIL have descended upon the White House in the form of the unholy Dark One, whose name I dare not speak, are the ones who are saying that the other side is AYVIL!!! Yes, AYVIL!!!! THE DEVIL IS INSIDE US!!!! Well… maybe.

Right-wing commentator Josh Bernstein posted a video today in which he proclaimed that the Democratic Party should be declared a terrorist organization and disbanded.

“They are Islamic compliant,” he said. “They are Marxist/Leninist/Stalinist/Maoist, if you will, in their ideology. They support terrorism. They are anti-Israel. They support open borders, which means that they’re fine with having Americans be killed by illegal aliens. They are for taxing you to death. They are for controlling every aspect of your life.”

“I think, at this point, based on their platform, based on their advanced leftist ideology, that the Democratic Party should be dissolved, they should be banned from all elections,” Bernstein continued. “They’re pro-death. They’re demonic … and to be quite frank, they should be labeled as a terrorist organization, just like ISIS, just like al Qaeda, just like Hamas, just like Hezbollah, just like Antifa, just like white supremacist groups.”

“They are a terrorist organization right now and they are literally terrorizing this country,” he added. “They are killing infants. They are murdering people and getting away with it legally, they’re passing more and more laws to do this. These people are evil.”

Yes, I am complete!!! Ha ha! You didn’t really think I was the devil did you? No? Well I mislead you, just like the Dark One misleads his followers! There you go, mass has ended, may you go in peace!! That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]Beating A Dead Horse: Nike Protests
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Hey conservatives, guess what? You’re not cool. You’re lame! And if you want people to take you seriously, it’s way past time that you own your lameness. In fact don’t even try to be cool or hip. Because as we’ve seen time and time again, any time a conservative tries to be cool by showing us that they can use social media, or that they are into what the kids are into, it backfires on them big time. And don’t even try to mix politics and your business, because then things like this happen. Yes, of course I’m talking about the guy in Colorado who brought politics into his sporting goods store business and then it backfired on him big time and now, well, who’s the loser now?

COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo. (CBS4) – A sporting goods store owner in Colorado Springs decided to close up shop months after he started boycotting Nike products. In September, Stephen Martin, owner of Prime Time Sports, took issue with a Nike advertisement featuring Colin Kaepernick.

The former NFL quarterback started kneeling during the National Anthem before football games in 2016, sparking a movement among other NFL players, including Broncos linebacker Brandon Marshall.

That in turn sparked large outcry from thousands like Martin.

In 2018, Nike chose to feature Kaepernick in one of its ads.

Martin then decided to sell all of his Nike product at highly-discounted prices, despite him acknowledging Nike merchandise makes up 40-50 percent of the store’s inventory.

Fast forward five months.

“Being a sports store and not having Nike jerseys is kind of like being a milk store without milk or a gas station without gas. They have a virtual monopoly on jerseys. There is no other option,” Martin told the CBS affiliate in Colorado Springs, KKTV.

Well, I guess that’s why you don’t mix business and politics. And next time, maybe shut the fuck up about it? So that’s one way conservatives can own their lameness – don’t take a stand. You know what else they should do? Maybe, I don’t know, before you tweet out a video, maybe check the political status of the artist before hand?

Rock band R.E.M probably couldn’t predict their early ’90s hit song “Everybody Hurts” would be put to political use in 2019. When it was, they were not happy about it.

The episode began on Friday afternoon, when President Trump retweeted a video meme. The clip, created by Trump-supporting meme-maker Carpe Donktum, showed Democratic lawmakers like Senators Bernie Sanders and Kamala Harris looking stoic during the President’s State of the Union address. The video was set to R.E.M.’s “Everybody Hurts.”

R.E.M. was immediately critical about Trump’s use of their song to taunt his political opponents. The band’s official Twitter account tweeted its displeasure on Friday night, referencing the song “World Leader Pretend.”

“Congress, media–ghost this faker!!! Love, R.E.M.” the band tweeted.

So Trump attempted to show that he was cool and hip by tweeting out an egregious copyright violation, and replaced REM’s song “Everybody Hurts” with Lee Greenwood’s “God Bless The USA”. As if that couldn’t possibly get any lamer, guess what? The video was created by an Infowars troll who won a contest and has a ridiculous name at that.

The clip, which runs more than two minutes in length, plays audio from R.E.M.'s early-'90s hit single "Everybody Hurts" over excerpts from Trump's Feb. 5 State of the Union address.

But, as of the early hours Saturday ET, Twitter users could not play the video posted by Trump, and many saw a message that read, "This video has been removed in response to a report from the copyright holder."

The creator of the video that the president tweeted Friday, self-proclaimed Trump supporter @CarpeDonktum, accused Twitter of censorship after the clip became unplayable on the platform.

The clip, clearly meant to mock a selection of lawmakers in Congress, cuts lines from Trump's speech, together with reaction shots of stern-looking politicians whom Trump has criticized in the past. They include Sen. Bernie Sanders, I-Vt., Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, D-N.Y., and Sen. Mitt Romney, R-Utah.

On Saturday afternoon, Trump tweeted a similar video — but this version's backing track replaced R.E.M. with Lee Greenwood's "God Bless the U.S.A."

Who knew Trump had mad video editing skillz, yo? And really? God Bless The USA? That’s the best he could do? I mean he couldn’t use Cat Scratch Fever or BAWITDABA? That’s where Trump could take a stand and own his lameness. And by the way this wouldn’t be the first time that Trump has used a song without the artist’s permission. He’s been caught not once, not twice, but over a dozen times! Yes, a whole fucking dozen!

Axl Rose After Guns N' Roses frontman learned that "Sweet Child O' Mine" was being played at the president's rallies, Rose fired off a series of tweets accusing Trump of using licensing loopholes to ignore his request to stop playing the band's music. "Unfortunately the Trump campaign is using loopholes in the various venues’ blanket performance licenses which were not intended for such craven political purposes, without the songwriters’ consent," Rose tweeted on Nov. 4, 2018.

Pharrell On Oct. 27, 2018, the day after the synagogue shooting in Pittsburgh that left 11 dead, Trump played Pharrell's 2013 summer hit "Happy" at a rally in Indiana, according to reports. Pharell's attorney Howard King sent a cease and desist to Trump with a statement regarding the usage. "There was nothing 'happy' about the tragedy inflicted upon our country on Saturday and no permission was granted for your use of this song for this purpose," the letter read.

Neil Young If you go way back to when Trump first announced he would be running for president at the Trump Tower in 2015, you may remember that Neil Young took issue with Trump's use of "Rockin' in the Free World." "Donald Trump was not authorized to use 'Rockin' in the Free World’ in his presidential candidacy announcement," a spokesperson for the musician's Lookout Management said in a statement in 2015. Young recently reiterated his feelings on his official Facebook page: "Legally, he has the right to, however it goes against my wishes."

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[font size="8"]This Fucking Guy: Jesse Lee Peterson

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This week’s “This Fucking Guy” is Christian conspiracy theorist, former Newsmax and current radio host, and occasional Infowars contributor Jesse Lee Peterson. This fucking guy. Whew, he is equal parts scary and crazy. And talk about a guy who votes against his own interests at that. He’s a firm and staunch believer and promoter of completely insane theories like Qanon and Pizzagate. He’s also a black guy who’s a firm believer in the fact that racism died when Obama got elected president. Which, as we’ve seen and pointed on this program time and time again, that is simply not true at all! So what’s he been up to lately?

Right-wing commentator Jesse Lee Peterson kicked off his radio program this morning by heaping praise on President Trump for his State of the Union Address last night, while launching personal attacks on Democratic leaders and declaring that anyone who votes for a Democrat after last night “hates God” and “loves Satan.”

Peterson said that Trump’s speech reminded him of the good old days “when men where in charge” and they “didn’t take any crap.”

“Do you see the difference when a man is leading as opposed to when a woman is leading?” he asked. “Especially a liberal woman. It was the difference between night and day.”

After declaring that Democrats “looked like defeated brats” who “demonstrated that they do not love America,” Peterson attacked Rep. John Lewis as a “bug-eyed, fat black guy” who “looked like a dirty, old black trash man.” Later, Peterson turned his attention to Stacey Abrams, who delivered the Democratic response, blasting her for having supposedly “forgotten to straighten her hair.”

“She had this little nasty-looking nappy hair on her head like she just got out of the bathtub from washing her hair and didn’t straighten it,” Peterson carped. “Remember when black women used to … know not to go outside looking like that? Stacey Abrams didn’t straighten her hair. She left it nappy.”

“And she’s getting fat,” he added. “She’s just fat from the head to the toe.”

Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Hey, Jesse, you can’t fat shame someone when you worship the fattest and most slovenly president we’ve ever had! Although seriously, did anyone else have as much fun as I did when #MarALardAss was trending? That guy did! WOOOO! Thank you random audience member! Seriously, Trump’s got the fattest ass of any president we’ve had since Taft. I mean this fucking guy:

That’s actual, unedited footage by the way! And by the way if you’re wondering if Mr. Peterson couldn’t be any more against his own interests, just take a look at what he said a few weeks ago. He’s a guy who actually wants white people to take over, otherwise its’ over!

Right-wing commentator Jesse Lee Peterson appeared on a white nationalist’s podcast last week, telling the host that white people in America need to get married and “have a truckload of white children” because “unless white people take over, it’s over for America.”

Peterson has ties to Fox News host Sean Hannity and has appeared at events with right-wing media personalities including Mike Cernovich. He’s made several appearances on Fox News and he currently hosts a show on Newsmax TV.

Peterson gave an interview to white nationalist podcast host Jean-Francois Gariépy on January 4, during which the duo discussed declining birthrates among white people in the United States. Peterson has appeared on other far-right podcasts, where he’s largely sympathized with the hosts. Peterson frequently claims that racism never existed and that people of color have been undermining America since the Civil Rights era.

Gariépy and Peterson agreed with the claim that non-white people immigrating into the U.S. is making it harder for white people to live in America, prompting Peterson to assert that the United States needs “to close the back door and the front door in this country and in Europe and clean up the mess and if you decide you want to let people of color in again, maybe you can be real selective—like they did in the good old days—about who you let it.”

Wait, what’s a black guy doing hanging around white supremacists? I mean has he not seen that episode of Chappelle’s Show? Maybe they just keep him around you know just because they need a guy like that but really I can’t find any reason. Oh and you know that one of the touchiest subjects in America is abortion, right? Well guess what Mr. Peterson’s position is? Well, he’s taken just about the most far right position of anyone:

On his radio program today, right-wing commentator Jesse Lee Peterson told a caller to break up with the woman with whom he has been in a relationship for five years because she has a child who was conceived via rape.

This morning, a 28-year-old caller named Caleb told Peterson that he has been in a relationship with his girlfriend, who has an 8-year-old daughter who was conceived as a result of a sexual assault, and that he has been helping to raise the young girl since she was three and that she often calls him “daddy”

Caleb wanted to know if Peterson thought it would be okay for him to marry his girlfriend, but Peterson broke his heart when he declared that he could not because this young girl needs to be in a family consisting of her natural mother and natural father, who, in this instance, is reportedly the mother’s rapist.

“Absolutely no,” Peterson declared. “Do not marry a woman … who already has children. It’s bad enough on kids when they don’t have both parents, it’s worse when a so-called step-parent steps in because the soul of that child—whether male or female—the soul yearns for a father, not a step-father or a step-mother. They want their natural father and natural mother, and especially their natural father. So, if this woman is a decent woman at all, she will sacrifice for her child, not for herself, but for her child and you’re going to be in the way.”


So he thinks that children should be raised by both parents even if one of them is an absolute psychopath! And by the way in case you’re wondering if his increasingly hateful rhetoric gets him in trouble or not, well, first consider who his employers are. Then after you’re done with that, consider that his contributions are still a thing!

Jesse Lee Peterson was dropped from Newsmax TV following what his team said was a network restructuring of their 2019 programming schedule, but he will continue to produce his morning radio show independently.

A caller appeared on Peterson’s radio show yesterday and complained to Peterson that she could no longer view his show on Newsmax TV, accusing the right-wing news platform of being staffed with “beta males” who wanted to rid the station of Trump supporters. Peterson asked the caller if she had complained to Newsmax, and she said she had called their customer service department.

Right Wing Watch reached out to Newsmax for comment but did not receive a response before publication.

Peterson confirmed this caller’s complaint in a tweet yesterday, writing “The Jesse Lee Peterson Show is no longer available on Newsmax TV.”

Yeah so he and his hateful rhetoric will be around for a long time. I’d love to see him played by Keenan Thompson on Saturday Night Live. They could have some fun with that! That’s Jesse Lee Peterson, this week’s:

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[font size="8"]People Are Dumb
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Hit it!

So of course you know by now that people are people and people are dumb. And here’s a great example of when life imitates art. Remember that episode of Seinfeld where they all board different subway trains and George is on his way to a job interview, but along the way, gets seduced by a beautiful woman who proceeds to strip him of his underwear, rob him and chain him to a bed post? Well, this is kind of like that. Except that his own GIRLFRIEND was waiting for him downstairs!

A naked man was getting ready to have sex with a woman he’d just met, while his understanding girlfriend waited downstairs, he told police in North Carolina, but things went downhill quickly after that.

Randleman Police said Christopher Hancock told them he was attacked and robbed at the late morning sexual rendezvous, the Courier-Tribune reported.

Hancock reported he and his girlfriend have an open relationship, and they both went to a house so he could have sex with the other woman, according to WSET.

With his girlfriend waiting downstairs on a couch on Jan. 28, Hancock told police he and the woman went to a bedroom and stripped naked, per WFMY. That’s when two men attacked Hancock, punching and choking him until he blacked out, the TV station reported.

When the Franklinville resident came to, he told police the men were gone, along with his pants and $10,000 he said he had in one of the pockets, according to the Courier-Tribune.

Read more: https://www.newsobserver.com/latest-news/article226410755.html

I think the bigger question is where was he going with that $10,000? That’s a huge, huge yada yada there! Seriously, was he hiring a hitman? Oh well, we may never know! Next up, what is with people from Florida and burritos? This is the **SECOND** burrito incident from the Sunshine state in less than two weeks! I mean were they channeling their inner Ron Burgundy?

For the second time in as many weeks, a Florida Man has been arrested for battering a woman with a burrito, according to court records.

Police charge that Peter Elacqua, 41, got into an argument with his girlfriend Friday in their Port Richey residence.

After Elacqua allegedly shoved the woman into a chair in their bedroom, he “threw his burrito at the Victim,” striking her in the face with the food item.

When a sheriff’s deputy arrived at the home in response to a 911 call, the woman had “the contents of the burrito dispersed across her face, neck, and left chest/shoulder area.”

Next up, we got another gem from Florida Man’s cousin, Maine Man. Yes, Maine, or Canada’s Florida, definitely brings the crazy wherever they can. Seriously, they cant even visit Nana in the hospital without stirring some shit up. Come on, man, if you’re going to visit Nana in the hospital, maybe leave the meth at home?
vJan. 20 fight at an Ellsworth hospital was precipitated by an incident in which a Norridgewock man crawled halfway out of a moving vehicle and pointed something at a car behind him that the other driver thought was a rifle, according to court documents.

The man and his two brothers then stopped their vehicle on East Main Street and ran away from responding police to Northern Light Maine Coast Hospital, where a few minutes later they were confronted by Ellsworth police officers in their grandmother’s room. In the ensuing brawl, each man was shot twice with stun guns, and hospital furniture was broken before the three men were subdued and arrested, according to a probable cause police report filed in Hancock County Unified Criminal Court.


According to Heidi Grant, mother of the three men, she was at the hospital and let them in the locked door, not knowing she wasn’t supposed to let them in. She said her sons had called her telling her they were being chased by police and were afraid of being shot.

Police pursued the men to their grandmother’s hospital room and again ordered them to get down on the floor. They refused, at which point police fired their Tasers, according to the police report. The officers then tried to wrestle the three men to the ground, with Wilmot and Brighton Sawyer exchanging blows.

Yeah bring it on!!! Next up we go to Virginia where a guy with a name that would imply the exact opposite is happening, decided to use his garage door to project some images on it that the neighbors would find, well, unflattering.

FEBRUARY 8--A Virginia man is behind bars after projecting a porno film on his garage door in full view of his neighbors, police allege.

Antonio Smallwood, 41, was arrested Wednesday evening in connection with the al fresco 7 PM screening on a tidy Newport News street. A patrolman responded to the block after a 911 call reported "pornographic material being displayed," cops say.

"Upon arrival, the officer observed a movie involving sexual activity being projected on the garage door of the residence," according to police. At that point, a cop sought to serve Smallwood with a summons. But when the film enthusiast refused to sign the summons, he was arrested.

Ah that was a great scene! I may need to break out my Fight Club DVD later. Finally this week for People Are Dumb, we go to Hong Kong for this one. And sometimes a potato is just a potato, or sometimes it might be a hand grenade! Yes, there was a hand grenade found in a batch of potatoes. I hope they didn’t charge extra!

A World War One-era German hand grenade has been found among a delivery of potatoes shipped from France to a crisp factory in Hong Kong, police say.

The muddy device, which was 3in (8cm) wide, was "in an unstable condition" because it had been discharged but had failed to detonate, officials said.

It was discovered at the Calbee crisp-making factory in the eastern Sai Kung district on Saturday morning.

The bombe de terre was safely detonated on site by bomb disposal officers.


That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]Deep State Diaries Episode 30: The Federal Emergency Management Authority
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It’s time for episode 2 of Deep State Diaries. Yes we’re touring the many branches and services that make up the United States government. Everything from the FBI to the IRS to the Pentagon to the CIA to the DPW to the DVA to parks and recreation and all branches and services in between. Of course if you’re here you probably already know more about our government and how it works than your average Fox News loving Trump supporter does. So that’s what this segment is going to address. We are going to do a deep dive into all that makes the United States the United States. Because we here at the Top 10 love to educate as well as entertain. Because we care.

[font size="6"]The Federal Emergency Management Authority[/font]

When a natural disaster strikes (presidential disasters not withstanding), you call the experts who know how to handle it at FEMA! Yes, FEMA. You might remember them from such movies as Deep Impact, Volcano, San Andreas, Deepwater Horizon, Into The Storm, Armageddon, Knowing, and most recently Geostorm. Yes, Geostorm – the Suicide Squad of disaster flicks. Hell, there was even a very poorly made conservative documentary chronicling FEMA’s rise in the Deep State. Look it up. It’s worth a Google. But what does FEMA actually do? FEMA was founded in 1978 by president Gerald Ford under an executive order but has since branched out into its’ own branch of the US government. And with climate change rearing its’ ugly head, FEMA is working overtime.

A federal advisory panel that's supposed to provide scientific information to the National Flood Insurance Program is entering a five-month work stoppage, even as property losses mount against the backdrop of severe inundation related to climate change.

The Technical Mapping Advisory Council, or TMAC, is composed of 20 experts tapped by the FEMA administrator to answer complex questions about flood dynamics and flood risk in areas across the United States that are experiencing higher temperatures.

Created by Congress in 2012, TMAC’s specific charge is to “ensure that flood insurance rate maps (FIRMs) reflect the best available science and are based on the best available methodologies for considering the impact of future development on flood risk.”

Its findings have direct implications for NFIP, the federal insurance program meant to protect private properties from catastrophic flood losses. Today, NFIP has nearly 5.1 million policyholders and is more than $20 billion in debt, a crisis brought on by unprecedented payouts since Hurricane Katrina in 2005.

So I guess you could say that FEMA is under water? Hey o!!! Thank you I’m here all week, don’t forget to tip your waitress! But in all seriousness, things are so bad at FEMA right now that the director was forced to resign. Things are going just swimmingly!

Federal Emergency Management Agency Director Brock Long announced Wednesday that he is resigning.

"It has been a great honor to serve our country as FEMA Administrator for the past two years. During my tenure, the Agency worked more than 220 declared disasters," Long said in a statement.
His resignation comes months after a controversy over his use of government vehicles.

Last fall, Long was the subject of a Department of Homeland Security probe into whether he was misusing government resources when he used government vehicles and personnel for six-hour drives between his home in North Carolina and FEMA headquarters in Washington.

An inspector general's investigation, released by House Democrats in September, found that even after Long had been told not to, he continued to use government SUVs and drivers to shuttle between home and work.

Yes this is fine. Just make sure that you don’t live in an area where natural disasters occur and you should be fine. Oh wait, natural disasters are everywhere! There’s fires, floods, earthquakes, tsunamis, tornadoes, hurricanes, and they’re all escalating thanks to climate change deniers! So how is FEMA prepared to handle such disasters?

FEMA is pushing back on claims from the Town of Surf City that it is "not protecting its citizens’ best interests” when it comes to restoring the beaches of the Pender County community in the wake of Hurricane Florence.

Ashley Loftis, Surf City town manager, said Monday, “Our citizens felt this way when they saw that only certain homes were classified as imminent critical.”

The town sent out a news release conveying its frustration with FEMA over the weekend. The release said town leaders are moving forward in hauling sand to areas considered “imminent critical areas” by FEMA and non-critical areas will receive a sand push. Town leaders are advertising for bids for the sand projects.

John Mills with FEMA external affairs responded to that release Monday.

We’re talking about actual disasters here. Oh and in case you’re wondering if things couldn’t get any crazier at FEMA than they are, they have to do damage control within their own department! Because there’s a FEMA manager who was under fire for watching way too much Infowars and repeating some ridiculously horrible conspiracy theories about Michelle Obama (that I won’t repeat here) – and got busted for doing something shady. I’m shocked, shocked I tell you!!

The West Virginia woman, who made national headlines in 2016 when she was fired from a county development organization over a racist Facebook post about then-First Lady Michelle Obama, has now pleaded guilty to defrauding the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) out of $18,000 intended to help flood victims.

According to the Charleston Gazette-Mail, Pamela Taylor, 57, admitted to taking the government benefits after falsely claiming her home was damaged in the June 2016 floods that killed more than 20 people and wrecked houses on along the Elk River and beyond.

In reality, her home was not damaged at all.

WSAZ reports Taylor has agreed to pay $18,149.04 in restitution. She faces up to 30 years in prison and a fine of up to half a million dollars at her sentencing on May 30, according to the local television station.

As CBS News reported in 2016, the racist Facebook post compared Mrs. Obama to a primate.

“It will be refreshing to have a classy, beautiful, dignified First Lady in the White House. I’m tired of seeing a Ape in heels," the post said.

[font size="6"]Score Card [/font]

Overall importance: C-
How Things Are Going: B-
Likely hood To Survive: C

Overall: C-

[font size="6"]Next Week [/font]

Unfortunately folks, all good things must end, even our journey down the government wormhole, and we are going to take a deep dive into the US State Department!

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8”]Hozier[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen, my next guest has a new album coming out on March 1st called “Wasteland, Baby!”. You can see him April 9th at Hollywood Forever and on tour this April and May. Playing his song “Nina Cried Power”, give it up for Hozier!


Host: Initech
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of Live Audience At: Ontario Improv, Ontario, CA
Special Thanks To: Improv Group
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Initech Productions: Yes, We Got The Memo

Posted by Top 10 Idiots | Wed Feb 20, 2019, 05:00 PM (0 replies)

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #6-6: A Tale Of Two Crowd Sizes Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #6-6: A Tale Of Two Crowd Sizes Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! We have the best deals on travel – act now and get double your bonus miles! We are back! Holy crap did we pick the wrong time to be off for a week or what? I mean we had Trump’s second State Of The Union, and the drama and the speech itself weren’t the craziest thing of the week! There’s a lot to unpack here so we will do the best we can! Do we have time for the thing? Sigh... FML people. Just... seriously I hate humanity sometimes. Why? Theme parks. Yes, those places your kids really want to go to where you can easily blow a grand waiting in line all day. There's lots of news out there that proves why I gave up theme parks a long time ago. And you know what? I don't really miss 'em either. Shit, I live 15 minutes from Disneyland and I maybe go there about once every two years. But this... this is just one of the strangest theme park attractions I've ever seen. Remember that animated flick from a couple of years ago called Trolls? If you don't I suggest going on Youtube and watching the CinemaSins Everything Wrong With video because that's about all you really need. So if you go visit Universal Studios in Orlando, there is a human size troll that greets people with glitter farts. Yes, glitter farts. Seriously, WTF is wrong with people??? And imagine being the guy who gets paid to wear purple body paint and be made up like a troll doll and all day all he does is sit there and fart glitter? Yeah that's a thing that exists in 2019. I'm sure it's probably already bad enough for the people who have to put on costumes and dance for tourists all day because they probably get paid shit, but I really wonder what they think of the glitter farts guy? And also imagine being the guy who thought of this! What you mean people are amused by glitter troll farts? I know let's put it in our theme parks! Brilliant! And he walks away with a giant sack of money. OK that's enough of the intro, I don't want to think about glitter farts anymore. We have a lot of idiocy to get to. But first Keenan Thompson of SNL explains to white people that maybe you shouldn’t do blackface no matter what the situation is:

You know it’s a fucked up week when Trump’s 2nd State Of The Union is the 2nd craziest thing that happened! For the first slot this week is AMI (1). Yes, the parent company of sleazy supermarket tabloid the National Enquirer is back in the news for an insane blackmail scheme involving the richest guy in the world, Jeff Bezos. Yeah, don’t go there, AMI, it won’t end well for you. In the second slot this week is the State Of The Union recap (2) which was summed up perfectly by one of Trump’s guests of honor.For the third slot this week is the guy who we currently call president, Donald J. Trump (3) and he went to Texas, because, border hysteria from the right, but Beto’s rally drew over twice as many people! In the words of Nelson Muntz, ha ha!! In the number 4 slot this week is the latest on the Ralph Northam scandal, and people, it’s not good. In fact I think it is saying more about the state of Virginia than it is about Gov. Northam. Taking the 5th slot this week, we’ve got our weekly investigative piece Top 10 Investigates, and this week we’re going to take a look at a controversy surrounding home DNA testing company 23 & Me (5) – just how accurate are the results? (hint: slim to nil) At number 6, is of course our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in “Holy Shit” and this week our resident pastor is stunned that the Dark One is once again blurring the line between Separation Of Church & State by advocating for more Bible based classes. What could go wrong? For the 7th slot this week we’ve got a new edition of “NO!”. Really, Delta Airlines and Coke, WTF were you thinking with those creepy airplane napkins? NO!! In the number 8 slot this week it’s another installment of the hot new game that ‘s sweeping the nation – “IS IT RACIST???” . And this week there’s a literary professor who is making an absurd claim that Mary Poppins is racist, because, yeah it’s 2019. In the number 9 (NEIN!!!!) slot this week we have a new installment of one of our favorite segments, I Need A Drink. And this week we’re going to talk about the boiling water challenge. Really, people, just keep doing what you are doing.Finally this week in the latest installment of our ongoing series Deep State Diaries, we are going to the inner cities to check out what’s going on with the Department Of Housing & Urban Development, or the HUD! Enjoy! Plus we’ve got some live music from oh, I don’t know, a little band called Muse! Yes, they are too big for this crappy program but they are stopping by anyways! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]Jeff Bezos vs AMI
[br] [/font]

Yeah… we need some sexy time music cause this one is for the lovers in the house! That’s right – we’re going to talk about one of the lowest forms of behavior that you just shouldn’t do – the dick pic! Yes, the subject of the dick pic once again rears its’ ugly head. But do we really need a guy with the last name pecker threatening to publish dick pics? Let’s just let that one sink in for a minute. This is quite possibly one of the most insane scandals ever to scandal.

In the blogpost, titled “No thank you, Mr Pecker”, Bezos accused AMI of telling him “they had more of my text messages and photos that they would publish if we didn’t stop our investigation”.

Bezos said his ownership of the Washington Post was a “complexifier” because it had made him the enemy of people including Donald Trump, who has frequently targeted him. Pecker is a longtime confidant of the president.

In December, prosecutors in the southern district of New York gave AMI immunity from prosecution for its cooperation in the investigation into Trump’s presidential campaign and alleged hush payments to a Playboy model. AMI admitted the company had coordinated with Trump’s presidential campaign to “catch and kill” – buy up but not publish – the story of Karen McDougal, the model who claimed she had an affair with Trump. AMI admitted it had worked “in concert” with the campaign to pay McDougal $150,000 for her story and then suppress it. Bezos noted in the blogpost that AMI had entered into the immunity deal.

According to Bezos, AMI’s chief content officer, Dylan Howard, emailed threats to Bezos’s lawyer, Martin Singer, allegedly writing: “In the interests of expediating [sic] this situation, and with The Washington Post poised to publish unsubstantiated rumors of The National Enquirer’s initial report, I wanted to describe to you the photos obtained during our newsgathering.”

And by the way just how evil is AMI over this? Well this wouldn’t be the first time a sleazy tabloid got caught in an extortion ring. That’s pretty much what they do for a living! So just how legal is what AMI is doing? Well let’s ask a real lawyer!

So, The Hollywood Reporter canvassed intellectual property experts and asked them to weigh the four factors of fair use with regard to Bezos' lower selfies.

The purpose and character of the use, including whether such use is of a commercial nature or is for nonprofit educational purposes:

"To the extent that there’s a public interest argument it certainly wouldn’t extend to the content of the photos themselves," says entertainment litigator Ashley Yeargan of Russ August & Kabat. "You can describe the photos without having to show them."

Kinsella Weitzman entertainment and intellectual property litigator Gregory Korn agrees the photo itself isn't newsworthy, adding that "it’s essentially just a commercial use. If you call it anything else, you’re just lying to yourself."

As a lawyer who typically defends these kinds of claims, Fox Rothschild's David Aronoff says he would argue it isn't a commercial use — but, he still thinks AMI doesn't have a winning case. "I think fair use would be pretty much their only defense, and it’s not a good one," he says. "Putting aside the issue of extortion, do they have a fair use argument to publish the photos? The answer to that is a pretty strong 'no.'"

That’s right – hell no!!! But what is AMI getting out of all of this? Well they’re so deep in the collusion scandal that they actually asked the Justice Department whether or not they should register as a foreign agent with the Saudis! Yes that’s right! AMI is deep in a hostile foreign power that is against American interests, much like the WWE. I mean come on, it’s all connected don’t you know?

American Media asked the DoJ about having to register as foreign agent after publishing a glossy mag that hyped Saudi Arabia.

Remember that weird glossy magazine that came out last year promoting Saudi crown prince Mohammed Bin Salman? Daily Beast called it Saudi propaganda, and it was.

AMI, the parent company of The National Enquirer, produced it.

Right after they put this weird Saudi propaganda publication out, AMI asked the United States Department of Justice if it should register as a foreign lobbyist, according to multiple news reports out today.

Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos has accused AMI of blackmailing him over intimate photos, and questioned whether Saudi Arabia may have been involved, which both AMI and the kingdom have denied.

Yes… yes we are!!!! So you have a trashy entertainment company and a trashy supermarket tabloid journalism company both deep in a massive conspiracy to undermine the world’s largest retailer, but how far does it go? Yes, that’s what she said! Thank you sir! Got to love it when we have smart asses in the audience! But of course AMI is in full “nothing to see here” mode!

A lawyer for National Enquirer owner American Media Inc.'s CEO defended the company's correspondence with Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos, saying AMI did nothing illegal.

"It absolutely is not extortion and not blackmail," Elkan Abramowitz, attorney for AMI CEO David Pecker, said Sunday on ABC's "This Week with George Stephanopoulos."

His comments came after Bezos published a blog post Thursday accusing AMI of attempting to blackmail him with threats to publish a trove of embarrassing photos, including some of a sexual nature.

The clash followed the Enquirer's previous publication of a report on Bezos' breakup with his wife and his romantic relationship with former Los Angeles news anchor Lauren Sanchez.

Bezos on Thursday posted emails in which AMI representatives offered to withhold publication of the embarrassing photos in exchange for Bezos acknowledging that the tabloid owner had no political motivation for publishing its original expose. Pecker has supported Donald Trump, and Trump has repeatedly criticized Bezos, who owns The Washington Post.

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[font size="8"]State Of The Union
[br] [/font]

Whew, you know it’s a fucked up week when the State Of The Union is only the second craziest thing that happened! Of course we don’t have much time to cover and most of it has been covered already but of course… wait, my fact checker is going off!! Oh! Oh!!!! Trump broke the fact checker! Yes, that’s right, he broke the fact checker! But this might be my absolute favorite thing coming out of the SOTU is that Trump invited a kid with the last name Trump, because of course he did. And that kid was being bullied for his last name Trump, because of course, violent leftist mob, and such. And you know how this kid returned the favor? Well…

An 11-year-old boy called Joshua Trump who was invited by his presidential namesake to his State of the Union speech fell asleep and has been hailed as a hero of the anti-Trump resistance.

Joshua Trump, a middle-school student from Delaware, was invited to the delayed event by Melania Trump. He dropped out of school after being bullied because of his last name.

As cameras panned to the audience, the boy could be seen napping while Donald Trump renewed his promise to build a US-Mexico border and declared illegal immigration “an urgent national crisis”.

One Twitter user, who posted a screenshot of the younger Trump asleep, wrote: “JOSHUA TRUMP RULES.”

“Joshua Trump, welcome to the resistance,” said another.

Screw the meme. Can we show that picture?

Don’t even have to Photoshop that one! My other favorite thing from the SOTU was Nancy Pelosi standing behind Trump doing the alligator clap, and Trump looked like he was having none of it, and Mike Pence was looking about as creepy as ever. I mean at this point would anyone be surprised that VP Pence actually has real skeletons in his closet? I know I am not!

President Donald Trump spoke for more than an hour and 20 minutes last night, but the moment that may be remembered best from his State of the Union address had no words at all.

It was when House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) stood and applauded a line from Trump’s speech in a way that seemed rife with sarcasm to many observers.

The moment came after an eyebrow-raising call for unity from Trump that seemed at direct odds with his own long history of Twitter insults, especially coming on the heels of a pre-speech luncheon in which he reportedly insulted multiple political rivals.

“We must reject the politics of revenge, resistance and retribution, and embrace the boundless potential of cooperation, compromise and the common good,” Trump said in his State of the Union address.

Common good? Common good? Trump wouldn’t know common good if it jumped up and bit him on the ass! Thank you audience! And by the way, if unity was the theme of the SOTU, Trump certainly did a good job of conveying that message! Oh wait, he literally did the exact opposite and used it to threaten the democrats! Good job!!! NOT!!!

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi on Wednesday characterized President Trump's description of "ridiculous, partisan investigations" as a threat to Democrats.

"An economic miracle is taking place in the United States, and the only thing that can stop it are foolish wars, politics, or ridiculous, partisan investigations," Trump said during his State of the Union Address Tuesday night.

The next morning, Pelosi, who has gone toe to toe with the president since Democrats took over the House last month, pushed back.

“That was a threat. Presidents should not bring threats to the floor of the House," the California Democrat told a group of reporters at the U.S. Capitol on Wednesday.

Despite the president's remarks, House Democrats moved forward with their inquiries, as the chairman of the House Intelligence Committee said his panel will expand its Russia probe into Trump, including whether the Kremlin holds “leverage” over the president.

There goes unity! And by the way he hammered that point home on Twitter in the last week regarding Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s proposed new Green Deal, which we won’t get to this week but will next week (that’s what happens when you are limited to 10 items a week!) :


Someone didn't read! I mean really eliminating all those things, Trump? No planes means no Air Force One to take you to your golf courses, and no cows means no Big Macs. If this plan went through, what would you feed the Patriots when they visit? His incoherent word salads on Twitter usually make a whole lot of sense. And speaking of not making sense , remember his plan to eliminate HIV? Well…

When President Trump gave his State of the Union address last week, he made an ambitious promise to "eliminate the H.I.V. epidemic in the United States within 10 years." The announcement was followed by a blueprint from the Department of Health and Human Services that details the administration's plan to concentrate funding for treatment and preventative medicine in a few dozen counties nationwide with the highest rates of infection. Public health experts generally applauded the plan as achievable with existing tools and techniques.

The announcement also contained a second, less-noticed promise: To defeat AIDS "beyond" the U.S. But the president's own record on addressing the virus in other countries has been inconsistent.

In December, Trump signed a bill reauthorizing the President's Emergency Plan for AIDS Relief, known as PEPFAR, a flagship foreign assistance program that was initiated in 2003 by President George W. Bush and has grown to be one of the biggest and most successful public health interventions in history, responsible for saving millions of lives around the world.

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
[br] [/font]

The GOP hysteria over the US – Mexican border is reaching epic proportions. And this week it was Trump vs Beto, or as we’re calling it “A Tale Of Two Crowd Sizes”, duking it out in Texas. But why is it always the democrats are loony? Or we’re out of control? Or we’re unhinged and insane? Really we’re not the ones who are building a human wall full of gun nuts along the Mexican border. Yes, they are literally building a human wall to protect us against the non existent immigrant threat. I cannot fathom enough about how insane this is. I swear that if Trump told his supporters to go jump off the nearest tall building, they’d do it. Don’t these people have things like jobs and families? They don’t have anything better to do, really?

Dozens of supporters of President Donald Trump's border security efforts formed a human wall Saturday across a small part of the southern border where there is no fencing.

The group gathered near Sunland Park, New Mexico, linking arms and chanting "build a wall," according to CNN affiliate KFOX.

Many held up American flags. Some sported "Make America Great Again" hats, and said they were there to show their support for the construction of a wall at the border.

The demonstration came just two days before President Donald Trump's visit to El Paso, Texas for a rally on Monday.

Yeah it’s kind of like that. But what will actually happen I think is more like this:

But then Trump decided to go down to El Paso himself, because he wants that damn wall, and he will get it or his supporters will be their wall! Because, reasons. And really, El Paso, we’re sorry that the shit show had to roll through your town, but don’t fret, other border towns will soon become victims of it!

Mariachis versus MAGA hats. Pro-wall versus pro-immigrants. President versus potential presidential hopeful.

This Texas border city of 684,000 residents was rocked Monday by dueling political rallies as a campaign event by President Donald Trump was met with protests led by former Democratic congressman and El Paso native Beto O'Rourke, a potential contender against Trump in next year's presidential election.

Across the city, pro-Trump backers voiced their support for the president, especially in his steadfast effort to erect a border wall along the southwest border with Mexico. A campaign rally at the El Paso County Coliseum drew several thousand supporters.

Trump took a jab at his El Paso rival, calling O'Rourke "a young man who has very little going for himself except he has a great first name." His speech was interrupted repeatedly by anti-Trump protesters in the crowd.

That’s what Trump thinks will happen! Oh and by the way in case you had any doubt about the kind of person Trump attracts, let’s say that they pulled a Gianforte. Yeah, the MAGA morons grabbed and assaulted a BBC reporter. Because, MAGA.

A BBC camera operator was attacked at a rally held by President Donald Trump in El Paso, Texas, on Monday — one where the president repeatedly goaded his fans into booing the media.

The camera operator, identified by a colleague as Ron Skeans, was attacked by a man wearing a red Trump hat who could be heard yelling, “Fuck the media!”

Trump paused his speech while the assailant was escorted away. The audience responded with a smattering of “CNN sucks!” chants that eventually morphed into “Trump! Trump! Trump!”

According to the BBC, the assailant “shoved and swore at the BBC’s Ron Skeans and other news crews before being pulled away.” Skeans described a “very hard shove” coming from behind him:

Yeah there’s nothing funny about that so we won’t try. But really, fuck these people. And that’s about as classy of a response as we’ll get from Trump fans. And by the way in case you’re wondering what the response coming from the city of El Paso is, well, walls aren’t really the answer. But there really is no one good answer for this problem. And of course, Trump’s got the wrong idea on everything.

People walking over the Paso del Norte Bridge linking this West Texas border city to Mexico can watch President Donald Trump’s border wall getting bigger in real time.

Workers in fluorescent smocks can be seen digging trenches, pouring concrete and erecting rust-colored slabs of 18-foot-high metal to replace layers of barbed wire-topped fencing along the mud-colored Rio Grande, which is usually little more than a trickle.

Most of the more than 70,000 people who legally cross four city bridges daily — to shop, go to school and work — pay the construction in the heart of downtown no mind. But on a recent weekday, one man stopped and pointed, saying simply “Trump.”

In his State of the Union address, the president said a “powerful barrier” had cut crime rates in El Paso. He’s demanding more than 100 miles of new walls, costing $5.7 billion, along the 1,900-mile border, despite opposition from Democrats and some Republicans in Congress.

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[font size="8"]Ralph Northam Scandal Update
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Sigh… this scandal is not going away anytime soon. And no, we’re not going to play a game of “Is It Racist” because we have a much more ridiculous topic saved for that this week. Yeah as you’re aware, the current Virginia governor and guy whose Amazon account includes buying the shovel with which he will use to dig his political grave, Ralph Northam, just doesn’t stop talking. In fact you know sometimes silence is the best answer. But no, he won’t shut up about it.

Democratic Virginia Gov. Ralph Northam held onto his office over the past week by saying as little as possible.

Following the circulation of a photo on Northam's medical school yearbook page that featured a man in blackface and another in KKK robes, Northam held a news conference that went, well, disastrously -- culminating in his almost-moonwalking.(Northam admitted to darkening his face to go as Michael Jackson to a dance party in 1984.)

At which point, Northam went almost completely silent. This paragraph, from a terrific Politico piece on Northam's plan to survive, gets to that silent strategy:
"This week, Northam has been largely holed up in his office and has not walked next door to the Capitol, where the Legislature is in session, according to multiple lawmakers. Most of the legislators he's called or texted are Republicans who had not called for him to resign."

And it worked! Now, much of that success was due to the fact that Democratic state Attorney General Mark Herring admitted he, too, had blackened his face in '80s, and the ongoing allegations of sexual assault against Lt. Gov. Justin Fairfax, also a Democrat. But regardless of the reasons, Northam stayed out of the spotlight -- mostly -- and lived to fight another week, a prospect that seemed very, very unlikely at this time last week.

Yes, Gov. Northam, just shut up already! You know the sad thing is this whole thing was discovered by a Trump friendly news organization who figured out a way to weaponize blackface. And really, that’s as bad as the act of blackface itself. But then of course, he had to get involved. Yes, you know him. And he only makes things worse.

At a rally in El Paso, Texas, on Monday, President Donald Trump accused Virginia Gov. Ralph Northam, a Democrat, of supporting infanticide.

“The governor stated that he would even allow a newborn baby to come out into the world,” Trump told the crowd, “and wrap the baby, and make the baby comfortable, and then talk to the mother and talk to the father and then execute the baby. Execute the baby!”

Trump was talking about comments Northam made in late January, when he was asked during a filmed radio interview about an abortion bill before the Virginia House of Delegates. The governor’s comments were confusing, and some took them, at the time, as an endorsement of infanticide. But the governor has said that he was “absolutely not” talking about infanticide — and in any case, the Virginia bill would certainly not allow doctors to “execute” a baby after it’s born.

Trump’s comments at the rally may be part of a larger strategy to stir up support among abortion opponents in advance of the 2020 election.

Holy fucking shit!!!! He went there!!! Yes, execute the baby!!! Is it me or does Trump sound like a child when he says something like that? “They execute the baby!!!!”. I mean really this is a special kind of stupid, let’s call it MAGA. But in case you’re wondering what poll numbers are like for the VA governor, well, let’s say they’re not at all shocking .

Virginia residents are at an impasse over whether they feel Gov. Ralph Northam should step down after a racist photo from his past caught up with him last week, though a majority of black voters say they have still his back, according to new polls released this week.

The overall divide is an even split: 47 percent of Virginians want to see him stay; 47 percent want to see him go, according to a Washington Post/Schar School poll released Saturday. But what’s significant about the poll results is the racial breakdown of Northam’s support: Even after the governor admitted to using shoe polish to wear blackface in the 1980s, black Virginians still support him more than whites.

Roughly 58 percent of African Americans polled said Northam should remain in office, compared to 46 percent of whites who said the same.

The poll was conducted just days after a racist photo surfaced from the pages of Northam’s 1984 medical school yearbook, showing a picture of a man in blackface standing next to another man wearing a white Ku Klux Klan hood. After admitting the picture was his, Northam backtracked a day later and denied that he was either individual in the image. He did fess up, however, to dressing up in blackface that same year for a Michael Jackson dance contest.

If you’re not surprised by those poll numbers, not only are you in the wrong place but you have not been paying attention! Because…. Surprise, Americans are split down the middle on just about everything right now. And of course he’s in full on denial mode right now:

Virginia Gov. Ralph Northam rejected mounting calls for his resignation Saturday and, in a sharp reversal, said he does not believe he in fact appears in a racist photo on his 1984 medical school yearbook page as he initially thought.

"I am not the person in that photo," Northam said at an afternoon news conference.

He apologized, however, for the photos being on a page with his name on it.

"I am asking for the opportunity to earn your forgiveness," the governor said, adding, "I am far from perfect and I can always strive to do more."

His remarks came in the face of widespread demands throughout the state Democratic party and beyond for him to step down.

Former Vice President Joe Biden, Terry McAuliffe, Northam's Democratic predecessor as governor, a half-dozen Democratic presidential hopefuls, the NAACP, Planned Parenthood and state Democratic lawmakers called on the governor to resign.

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[font size="8"]Top 10 Investigates: DIY DNA
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It’s time to investigate beyond the headlines. This is Top 10 Investigates!

You’ve probably seen home DNA testing kits come along fast and furious lately. From companies that offer just basic testing like 23 & Me to sites that offer more specific studies, like ancestry.com. But if you have been taking these tests or you’ve been hearing that the tests come back wrong every time, you’re not alone. In fact, you should be concerned immediately after sending back the kit, especially if you sign up for their health tests.

23andMe is pushing back against a recent The New York Times editorial board opinion piece that warned customers to be careful about the company's health tests.

The editorial board argued that 23andMe's genetic risk health tests, such as its test that claims to screen for two genetic mutations linked to colorectal cancer, can't determine the actual risk of developing the diseases because it relies on "much simpler technology" than a healthcare facility does.

In addition, the op-ed compared 23andMe's breast cancer screen to "proofreading a document by looking at only a handful of letters," as the test only looks at parts of the genome where mutations are known to occur.

"[23andMe's tests] look for only a handful of errors that may or may not elevate your risk of developing the disease in question. And they don't factor into their final analysis other information, like family history. (Not everyone with a given mutation will go on to develop the disease). So the results will not tell you much about your actual health risks," the editorial board wrote in the Feb. 1 opinion piece.

Yes it definitely is! And in case you’re wondering, some disturbing facts about 23 and Me and similar DNA testing companies have recently been coming up. And they are very shocking, especially about the concentration of where your DNA is going. Right now, 4 companies control the DNA of 26 million people, and yes, you read that right.

Four companies now have DNA information on more than 26 million people.

That’s roughly the combined population of New York State (nearly 20 million), Connecticut (3.5 million) and Chicago (2.7 million).

According to MIT Technology Review , the number of people who submitted their most personal genetic details to companies including 23andme and Ancestry.com doubled in 2018. At that rate, 100 million people will have provided information about their DNA make-up to private companies by the end of 2020.

Testing kits like AncestryDNA can be purchased on Amazon.com for $69 and are simple to use. Customers simply rub a cotton swab inside their mouth, seal it in a package included in the kit, mail it to a lab, and wait up to a month to find out their ethnic makeup.

While many people enjoy learning about their heritage, critics argue such that DNA information might allow insurance companies to discriminate against people predisposed to certain ailments.

Except it’s not dino DNA. It’s human DNA, sir. And by the way if you think that DNA testing screw ups are limited to just the US, you are wrong. In fact it’s a world wide problem that affects just about everyone who ponies up the $199 for the 23 & Me kit. Yes, the home DNA testing kits cost $200, and for that amount of money they had better get something right!

Mail-order genetic testing kits, which are all the rage right now, have been put through their paces by identical twins, and the results are a little baffling.

These test kits collect your DNA, typically by you spitting into a tube, and then you have to send the package back to the manufacturers for analysis. The results are shared electronically when ready.

To check out the accuracy of these test kits, Charlsie Agro – who fronts Canadian telly watchdog show Marketplace – and her identical twin sister Carly used them to submit their DNA to five separate consumer-grade genetic-testing outfits, and compared their results.

And their results were surprisingly varied. For one thing, the tests couldn't agree on where exactly their ancestors actually physically came from. Test kit supplier 23andMe reckoned the twins are about 40 per cent Italian, and 25 per cent Eastern European; AncestryDNA said they are about 40 per cent Russia or Eastern European, and 30 per cent Italian; and MyHeritageDNA concluded are about 60 per cent Balkan, and 20 per cent Greek.

Except there’s no chaos theory here, at least not yet. There’s plenty of reasons why you should do a 23 & Me test but there’s also plenty of reasons why you shouldn’t. The fact that 26 million people have their DNA data in the hands of 4 companies is enough. But this also might shock you.

Last month, the DNA-testing company 23andMe secured Food and Drug Administration approval for a new screening for gene-based health risks. Along with celiac disease, Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s, breast cancer and several other medical conditions, the company can now screen clients for two mutations that have been linked to colorectal cancer.

But “F.D.A.-approved” does not necessarily mean “clinically useful.” 23andMe relies on much simpler technology than tests that you’d get at your doctor’s office. As a result, the company’s tests cannot tell you much about your actual risk of developing the diseases in question.

Here’s how those tests work — and why you should interpret them with caution.
They read your gene.

You can think of your genes as long text documents. The words are your genetic code. Genetic mutations are like typos — imperfections that scientists can spot with some scrutiny.

That’s it this week for Top 10 Investigates. Good day.

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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
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Gather around my fair brothers and sisters! It’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate, for the Holy Church Of The Top 10 has convened and it’s time to remind you that the holiest among us are the most full of:

My fair congregation! You know… do we really need *MORE* religion in our lives? Now I ask this of you *AS* an ordained minister in my own church! Because it used to be religion was only confined to the churches. And that was before 1980. Now the Christian church has become a 24/7 lifestyle brand. They sell you the music, they sell you the movies, and they’re selling you education. Yes, education is now becoming a product of the ultra far right wing churches. And now they want to take it mainstream. Yes, with the help of the Dark One, whose name shall not be spoken in my church, they might just get their wish, and they will make you take Bible classes whether you want it or not!

With the government shutdown on the back burner, President Donald Trump has taken up another interest: Bible study.

“Numerous states introducing Bible Literacy classes, giving students the option of studying the Bible,” Trump said in a Monday morning tweet, asserting, “Starting to make a turn back? Great!”

The social media assertion was made 30 minutes after Fox & Friends played a related segment, Politico reported, then noting that Trump’s tweet was “not quite accurate.”

Although lawmakers have begun introducing various “Bible literacy” bills across the country, which would encourage or require public school students study the Old and New Testament, as has been documented in a USA Today report published last week, none of the bills have actually passed.

While the bills have been supported by some Christian groups, USA Today reports that other civil rights organizations argue that such a mandate would violate the Constitution’s separation of church and state.

Yes, this is so rich! The guy who is the ungodliest, most holy DAYMON in the room somehow wants to be more godly than the next guy. But he won’t! In fact if you look at your Good Book, JAYSUS said that the Dark One shall pose as a creature of light. But is there any coincidence to what he’s trying to do? Well, that news could be related to this!

President Donald Trump gave Bible literacy legislation a shout-out on Monday with a tweet praising states that are “starting to make a turn back” to an unspecified time when public schools apparently relished in Bible study.

As The Washington Post’s Mark Chancy noted, there was no such time in American history.

And as Trump’s former pastor noted, in any case, the president can’t exactly speak with much authority on the subject.

Pastor David Lewicki responded to Trump’s tweet on Tuesday morning, explaining how he served as a pastor at New York City’s Marble Collegiate Church for about five years in the mid-aughts.

Despite being on the member rolls, Trump never showed. Not to Bible study ― and not even to a service, according to Lewicki.

He just can’t stop lying. And if I remember from the Good Book, LYING IS A SIN!!!! It is one of the most egregious of SINS!!!! And the Dark One can’t help himself in not telling the Truth! For JAYSUS himself even said “I am the way, I am the truth, I am the life!!!”. And the Dark One should realize that he ain’t the truth! In fact, he can’t handle it!

The Supreme Court barred devotional Bible reading and recitations of the Lord’s Prayer in public schools in 1963. But the ruling also said courses about the Bible were permissible, so long as they were “presented objectively as part of a secular program of education.”

Evangelical Christians promptly began a full-court press for Bible classes, which were hardly objective or secular. As I noted in my 2002 book, "Whose America?: Culture Wars in the Public Schools," a Florida teacher of “Bible history” said his class had helped recruit more than 100 new members into an after-school “Youth for Christ” course. And in South Carolina, a graduate of her own school’s “Bible survey” said the course had persuaded her to become a missionary. “I want everybody to have what I have,” she told her teacher, “And I’d like to spend my life sharing it with them.”

Both of these accounts appeared in the evangelical press, which didn’t disguise the purpose of the Bible classes: to spread the Christian Gospel. And that seems to be the same goal behind a recent round of state legislative proposals to enhance "Bible literacy" in our public schools.

As reported last month in USA TODAY, lawmakers in at least six states have introduced measures that would require or encourage elective classes about the Bible. Unlike their forerunners a half-century ago, who were explicit about their evangelical aims, supporters of the new bills insist that the classes seek only to inform people about a central text in American and world history.

Yes, even JAYSUS thinks this is ridiculous oh Dark One! And is anyone surprised that he gets it wrong? I mean if you are, you’re in the wrong church! Can I get an amen??? And if you need any further proof that he can’t get anything right, well, let’s take a look at what he said at last week’s National Prayer Breakfast, for once again we were not invited!!!

With his opening words at this year's National Prayer Breakfast, President Trump made clear he saw the largely conservative crowd as a friendly audience, one he was eager to please.

"I will never let you down," he said. "I can say that. Never."

In his first appearance at the event in 2017, Trump promised to get rid of the Johnson Amendment, a cause popular among those Christians who resent the law's restriction of political speech by pastors. The law is still on the books, and Trump did not repeat the promise this year.

He devoted much of his speech instead to other issues important to conservative Christians, from religious liberty to abortion. He praised Vice President Pence's wife, Karen, for teaching at a conservative Christian school that requires its staff to declare a belief in marriage as "the uniting of one man and one woman," and he pledged support for a government-funded Catholic adoption agency in Michigan.

Did… did he just Rick Roll us? I’m never gonna give you up, I’m never gonna let you down. I’m never gonna run around and desert you. Mass has ended, may you go in peace!! That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]NO!
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Happy Valentine’s Day everybody! And you know with the entire country and world taking notice of the victims of sexual assault in the post #MeToo era, what the fuck was Delta Airlines thinking? Yeah we don’t need this right now. I mean yeah you can talk all you want about how Virgin America had that in seat entertainment system where you could buy anyone a drink and that was creepy enough. But do we really need this?

Delta Airlines and Coca-Cola wanted to make the dream of falling in love on a plane a reality. But their approach did not have the intended effect.

As part of Delta’s brand partnership with Coke, the airline handed out promotional in-flight napkins that encouraged passengers to give their number to others on the plane.

On one side of the napkin it read, “Because you’re on a plane with interesting people and hey…you never know.” The other side had space to write down a name and phone number, with the additional text, “Be a little old school. Write down your number and give it to your plane crush. You never know…”

Delta passengers apparently did not take kindly to the approach, and dozens wrote to the brands on social media, calling the stunt “creepy.”

NO!!!!! The airplane is the last place where I’d expect people passing around creepy pick up notes like this! It’s like being on an elevator. You don’t make friends with random strangers on an elevator, you shut the fuck up, stare at the door until you arrive at your destination! Look guys, there’s a fine line between clever and creepy and this definitely crossed that line.

Maybe Delta should stick to flying planes instead of playing matchmaker.
After handing out Coca-Cola napkins suggesting passengers give their name and number to their "plane crush," both companies are apologizing.

It started with 33 words on napkins advertising Diet Coke:

"because you're on a plane of full of interesting people and hey ... you never know," the front teases.

The back nudges further, emitting a shocking amount of peer pressure from a paper square:
"be a little old school. write down your number & give it to your plane crush. you never know ..."
Some passengers, like Terry Pendergist, thought the napkins were "Pretty funny."

Yes get a hold of yourself!!! And by the way if you want to be even more grossed out, Twitter’s worst comedian, former Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee, somehow managed to make it even creepier!


EW!!!!!!!!!!!!! EW EW EW EW EW!!!!! Wait a minute… EW!!I can guarantee that no one wanted to sign up for your daily newsletter, Mike! And you know here’s the thing, it started out like they were thinking it was going to be a good idea, you know, like having a shady billionaire real estate broker with ties to the New York mafia run for president, and well, just like that, it backfired! Big time!

With Valentine’s Day fast approaching, some would say this is kinda sweet and a little bit funny. But, as expected, there are some who find the notion behind the napkins just plain creepy.

This latest faux pas comes just days after Delta were accused of discrimination by a deaf couple travelling on the airline.
‘Creepy AF’

Although not many passengers were that keen to hand out their numbers (probably none at all), many failed to see the funny side of the promotion.

A torrent of complaints have rained down on social, with users branding them ‘creepy A

And if things couldn’t possibly be even creepier do we really need your airline playing match maker for you? I mean here’s the thing – falling in love in 2019 is a bit trickier than it was in 1970 when it was much easier to get away with this kind of thing. And sure, going “old school” may seem like a good idea at the time, but really. And in the words of the great Jerry Seinfeld – “Who are the ad wizards who came up with this one?”

Falling in love on an airplane is the kind of story you only ever hear in a bar or see in a Lifetime movie. But for a brief time this winter, Delta Air Lines wanted to help passengers make it a reality - by gently nudging them to hit on other passengers.

With cocktail napkins.

"Be a little old school," said the small print on the napkin, advertising Diet Coke. "Write down your number & give it to your plane crush. You never know ..."

There was a little space on the napkin where flirtatious passengers could write down their name and another space for their number. The larger print said, "because you're on a plane full of interesting people and hey," again, "... you never know."

But while some found the napkins clever and charming, others thought they were creepy. In fact, evidently enough complained that Delta and Coca-Cola apologized for the marketing stunt Wednesday, saying the napkins have since been removed from flights.

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[font size="8"]Is It Racist???
[br] [/font]

Hey everyone! It’s time to play the hot new game that’s sweeping the nation:

Yeah probably! You know… you know when you have racists in power, you’re going to get a lot of people asking whether or not something is racist. Now that we’re tackling real life racists, we’re also going after fictional ones. As evidenced by the fight with the Simpsons over the fate of Apu. But there’ another character in the news this week that’s making the rounds for a completely bizarre reason. And yes, this story is so insane that Snopes had to fact check it to prove that it was real. So is beloved Disney character Mary Poppins a racist? Was it soot or was it blackface? Well this is where we’re letting you be the judge!

Professor Daniel Pollack-Pelzner accuses the much-loved movie dame of “blacking up” when her face is already covered with soot as she dances alongside Dick Van Dyke.

The iconic scene — accompanied to the tune of Step In Time — is one of the best-loved moments in the 1964 Oscar-winning classic, The Sun reports.

However, writing in the New York Times under the headline ‘Mary Poppins, and a Nanny’s Shameful Flirting With Blackface’ the professor reveals he is not a fan.

He writes: “Her face gets covered with soot, but instead of wiping it off, she gamely powders her nose and cheeks and gets even blacker.”

The English and gender studies professor at Oregon’s Linfield College also refers to passages in P.L. Travers’ original books that he believes are clearly racist.

He singles out a line where a housemaid says: “Don’t touch me, you black heathen,” to a chimney sweep.

And he argues when Admiral Boom shouts orders to fire on the chimney sweeps by yelling: “We’re being attacked by Hottentots!” it is also racist.

“The 1964 film replays this racial panic in a farcical key,” he writes.

You know what? We’re going to forgo our usual meme here and show you the clip:

Oh come on!!!! It’s just dust! It’s not blackface. I think they’re reading too much into the situation, although that’s what we do here so.. really. Yeah this is where we are at in 2019. What? You saw the video from the intro or the segments we’ve done about Gov. Northam – just don’t do blackface! I mean it’s that simple!!! I mean really is it that hard? But what is this guy’s beef with the scene anyways?

An American academic has criticised Mary Poppins for projecting racial stereotypes, saying Dame Julie Andrews’s character wears “blackface” during one scene.

Writing for The New York Times, Professor Daniel Pollack-Pelzner – a gender studies professor at Linfield College, Oregon – sharply criticises the scene where Mary Poppins joins Dick Van Dyke’s chimneysweep Bert to dance on a rooftop. The pair both get covered in soot as the dance number “Step in Time” is performed.

Pollack-Pelzner says that, while the scene may be comic, the author of the Mary Poppins books, PL Travers, often associated chimney sweeps’ blackened faces with racial caricatures.

He points to one scene in Mary Poppins Opens the Door in which a sweep reaches out to a woman with his darkened hand, to which she replies: “Don’t touch me, you black heathen.”

How does that guy play into it? Oh yeah that was making fun of method actors who take things way too far. And while the Gov. Northam scandal is going on, let’s not look past the fact that this movie was filmed in 1963, and that sort of thing wasn’t even thought about. I mean let’s extrapolate that for a minute – does this mean that anyone who comes into contact with a chimney now is wearing blackface? No? Well you might be focusing on the wrong thing then!

First of all, an admission. I've never seen Mary Poppins all the way through. While I know the chorus of Supercalifragilistic-et cetera off by heart – albeit not intentionally – jaunty chimney-sweeps and gaudy nannies just aren't my thing.

(My son, however, has seen Mary Poppins multiple times – apparently never when I've been in the same room.)

But now, an article written by Daniel Pollack-Pelzner in the New York Times has caused a stir by claiming that Mary Poppins is – pause here for a sharp intake of breath – racist.

Oh yes, indeed. Specifically, the professor draws attention to the books on which the film is based, featuring as they do occasional casual racist references that were wholly unexceptional in the mid-20th century. He also highlights visual parallels between the British sub-tradition of music-hall cheeky chappie chimney sweeps and the American tradition of blackface minstrelsy which, he claims, are subtly conflated in Disney's film.

Whoa, whoa, whoa… the original books that Mary Poppins was based on were racist? I did not know this! And we may have to do a deep dive in a future edition. But my favorite thing is the Twittersphere, and you can always count on them to shoot a ridiculous opinion like this down!

A U.S. professor is deeming the classic 1964 film "Mary Poppins" racist, accusing Julie Andrews of "blacking up" her face with soot while dancing with chimney sweeps.

In a New York Times op-ed called "'Mary Poppins,' and a Nanny’s Shameful Flirting With Blackface," Professor Daniel Pollack-Pelzner slammed the iconic dance scene where Poppins joins Dick Van Dyke's Bert on a rooftop for the song "Step In Time."

"When the magical nanny … accompanies her young charges, Michael and Jane Banks, up their chimney, her face gets covered in soot, but instead of wiping it off, she gamely powders her nose and cheeks even blacker," Pollack-Pelzner wrote.

The Linfield College literature professor linked the scene to racism in P.L. Travers' novels, which he claims "associate chimney sweeps’ blackened faces with racial caricatures."

Pollack-Pelzner also took aim at naval officer Admiral Boom, who ordered his cannons fired at the "cheeky devils" on the roof after mistaking the dark figures of the chimney sweeps for "Hottentots," a racial slur.

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[font size="8"]I Need A Drink
[br] [/font]

Hey its’ the day before Valentines Day and I really need a drink!

So you know the idea behind this segment is that we cocktail and while we’re cocktailing we talk about literally anything in the news that doesn’t directly relate to politics, because there’s a lot of dark shit out there. Tell me bartender, what goes well with a pot of boiling hot water? More boiling hot water? What are you trying to do, kill me? Ah, I will just have my usual Jack Daniels mixed with even more Jack Daniels. Really people enough with the challenges! We had the cinnamon challenge, then the milk chug challenge, then the Tide Pod challenge. Now we have the boiling water challenge! During the polar vortex people were experimenting what happens when you mix boiling hot water with below freezing temperatures. Sure, it starts out innocently enough!

Folks across the country proved this week that subzero temperatures aren't an excuse to just sit inside and sulk.

Add a little boiling water to the outdoor elements and you've got yourself a fun, at-home science experiment.

Dubbed the boiling water challenge, it involves taking a mug or saucepan of boiling water outside and quickly throwing it into the air to watch it instantly transform into snow.

Kids of all ages are having a good time with this one while the weather permits. From cool slow-motion and Boomerang videos displaying their homemade snow, to adding food dye to the water to put on a magical show, people are having fun and being creative with this challenge.

If you're going to try it, just make sure you're doing it safely, away from others.

Read that last sentence very carefully.Do it safely away from others!!! Because when you’re experimenting with boiling hot water, certain precautions should be taken. Just ask any chemist – they will tell you that. And boiling hot water is not a plaything, people!! When you throw it mindlessly in the air, well, this happens!

It's one of the weirdest, most magical-seeming tricks there is: the ability to instantly transform hot, boiling water into an icy mist in the blink of an eye.

This bizarre demonstration of what's called the Mpemba effect might seem like sorcery, but just because you can impressively fling hot, scalding water into the sky above your head doesn't mean you should. In fact, you absolutely, positively shouldn't.

Unfortunately, in the midst of abnormally freezing temperatures in the US resulting from a certain polar vortex anomaly, lots of people are making use of the stunning, cold conditions to take part in a viral 'Boiling Water Challenge': hurling dangerously hot water into the wintry air around them to see what happens.

What happens, lots of the time, is these people get seriously burned when that scalding water lands on their skin – with one hospital outside Chicago announcing it had to treat numerous patients who ill-advisedly attempted the stunt last week.

Yeah so maybe… don’t do this. If you throw boiling hot water into the air and it’s windy outside, you know the wind can carry that water right back to you. It’s physics. Sure, it can turn out beautiful if done properly, but we know the internet. And there’s more fails than those that are done properly. Stop it people, just stop it. Or keep doing what you’re doing.

"Throwing caution to the wind" is a well-known idiom. Throwing boiling hot water to the wind is idiotic.

Nevertheless, the polar vortex has prompted a number of people to do both at the same time. The polar vortex is not polar bears in a washing machine but a meteorological phenomenon. Basically, the vortex has been an expanding low pressure area around the North Pole that has pushed cold air southward to cover much of the U.S. with frigid temperatures last week. For example, temperatures in Chicago fell to 21 degrees below Fahrenheit. Temperatures in Minnesota dropped to "holy hannah" levels. This deep freeze also seemed to lead to some brain freeze and the new "boiling water challenge," not to be confused with the "hot water challenge" which involves dumping boiling hot water on someone as a prank.

You have to figure that connecting the words "boiling water" and social media challenge can't be good. In this case, people are taking pots or cups of boiling water and launching the water into the cold, cold air. The result can be a spectacular frosty mist. But as Tinder will teach you, just because something looks good doesn't mean that it is safe. There are three problems with throwing boiling water into the air: wind, gravity, and, oh, the boiling hot water. As this CBS Chicago news segment shows, this boiling water challenge has landed at least 8 people in the emergency room at the Loyola University Medical Center in Maywood, Illinois:

Well I can drink on the job here but you definitely shouldn’t try this at home. And you definitely shouldn’t mix alcohol while doing this. But really nothing good can come of a social media challenge can it? And during the next polar vortex, can we at least learn our lesson from the last one and don’t do this?

It looks cool -- throwing boiling water into the air and watching it instantly freeze in supercold weather -- but don't do it.

The boiling water challenge that has gone viral in the past few weeks as the polar vortex gripped a large part of the United States may be an interesting science experiment, but hospitals say it's also sending people to the emergency room.

Eight people who took part in the challenge have been treated at the burn center of Chicago's Loyola University Medical Center since the deep freeze happened last week, spokeswoman Chris Vicik said.
They had injuries to their "feet, arms, hands, face, and varying degrees of burns, as well," she said.

One person sought treatment at the University of Iowa Burn Treatment Center in Iowa City, spokesman Tom Moore said, and Hennepin Healthcare in Minneapolis said a "couple" of people were treated there in recent weeks.

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[font size="8"]Deep State Diaries Episode 29: The Department Of Housing & Urban Development
[br] [/font]

It’s time for episode 29 of Deep State Diaries. Yes we’re touring the 24 branches and services that make up the United States government. Everything from the FBI to the IRS to the Pentagon to the CIA to the DPW to the DVA to parks and recreation and all branches and services in between. Of course if you’re here you probably already know more about our government and how it works than your average Fox News loving Trump supporter does. So that’s what this segment is going to address. We are going to do a deep dive into all that makes the United States the United States. Because we here at the Top 10 love to educate as well as entertain. Because we care.

[font size="6"]The Department of Housing & Urban Development[/font]

We’re hanging out in the projects this week as we visit the Department of Housing & Urban Development, or the HUD. So what does the HUD actually do? Well it was started under president Lyndon Johnson in accordance with the National Housing Act proposed and ratified by president Franklin Roosevelt. The HUD’s job is to provide housing assistance for those in need, and to help end homelessness but as we’ve seen time and time again, those assistance programs can be easily abused, and there’s plenty of ways that the uber rich can abuse this program. Just ask the guy who we currently call president. Just take a look at who’s in charge right now.

After saying that the government shutdown delayed her plans, Department of Housing and Urban Development Regional Administrator Lynne Patton is moving into New York City’s public housing for one month. Patton, who once organized events for members of the Trump family (including Eric Trump’s wedding), was appointed by HUD Secretary Ben Carson in 2017 to oversee the country’s largest public housing system despite having zero housing experience.

On Facebook, Patton said she would be living in four different properties with four different families. “I have my own inflatable bed, towel, portable chargers, and will be purchasing all groceries for the family for the duration, so not to generate any undue expenses.”

The move comes on the heels of a historic deal between the New York City Housing Authority and HUD. In the coming weeks, HUD will be selecting a federal monitor who will report directly to HUD but be paid by the city to oversee the ailing public housing system. New York needs a whopping $32 billion in capital repairs to fix the buildings that house more than 400,000 residents. The NYCHA was subjected to a federal investigation after several scandals, including residents living without heat for years and reports that children were exposed to lead paint.

Patton’s first stop on her public housing tour is the Patterson Houses in the South Bronx. Residents and Patton complained that the NYCHA was taking steps to clean up the property simply because of the high-profile visit. “As I anticipated and declared in countless interviews leading up to my move-in,” she wrote on Facebook, “NYCHA is making immediate repairs on the ground (as they do whenever I come to visit one of their properties—lobbies are cleaned, trash is picked up, elevators work, etc).”

Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! That’s right! Trump put the woman in charge who planned Eric’s wedding. And you’re probably asking – wait, Eric is married? What the what??? Yup, but we’ll save that for a different topic. But as you know, the HUD was previously run by Ben Carson. And how did that go?

On Jan. 31, Mayor Bill de Blasio and Ben Carson, the secretary of the United States Department of Housing and Urban Development, struck a deal that subjected the New York City Housing Authority to federal oversight without any commitment of new federal funding.

“I think that it is not a good agreement for Nycha and for the city,” Mr. Brezenoff, the outgoing Nycha chairman, said in an interview.

Mr. Brezenoff, an ally of Mr. de Blasio who was hailed in April by the mayor as “one of the great public servants in the last generation,” said he believed the deal was unfair.

It was bad for New Yorkers, he said, especially for the more than 400,000 who are living in dilapidated public housing riddled with problems, from leaks to heating issues and vermin. It let the federal government off the hook.

Yes, daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn indeed! Of course only Trump is the opposite of King Midas in that everything he touches turns to shit! Although there is something interesting that might be a good social experiment is that Lynne Patton is going to actually live in HUD housing for a month. It will be interesting to see where this goes, and if she will have a different opinion of her boss upon emerging.

An administrator for the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development has moved into a Bronx NYCHA building, prepared to live in public housing for a month to see the ailments for herself.

Lynne Patton arrived at the Paterson Houses Monday with her air mattress, towels and grocery money. She's planning to stay in four different NYCHA buildings across the city for one week each.

"I'm hoping that by being here, at the very least it sends a sense of urgency that not only can changes every day be made, they must be made," she said.

She said that moving in was no political stunt and that she wants to see firsthand what exactly is wrong.

So………… this is happening! And I’m sure that Lynne will find absolutely nothing wrong at all with how things are going in inner city housing. I mean you know things are fucked up when you have $85 million allocated for one city and it’s still not enough! Maybe, I don’t know, the rent is too damn high? Yes, shout out to that guy by the way!

The U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development (HUD) announced it was sending more funds to the Sunshine State to help battle homelessness.

U.S. HUD Sec. Ben Carson announced at the end of last week his department was sending an additional $6.7 million to back 47 new programs across the state in addition to the almost $79 million going to 250 other programs in Florida that he announced last month.

“Combined, this funding represents a record investment to support state and local efforts across the nation to reduce and end homelessness,” HUD noted on Friday.

“Today we make another critical investment to those persons and families living in our shelters and on our streets,” Carson said on Friday. “These new programs will join those already on the front lines in their communities working to end homelessness.”

With more than $85 million headed to almost 250 homeless programs in Florida, there are some signs on success.

At the end of last year, HUD noted that communities across Florida reported homelessness declined in 2018.

[font size="6"]Score Card [/font]

Overall importance: C-
How Things Are Going: B-
Likely hood To Survive: C

Overall: C-

[font size="6"]Next Week [/font]

Speaking of disasters, next week we’re taking disasters head on in the face of adversary as we visit the Federal Emergency Management Agency, or FEMA!

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8”]Muse[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen I am extremely excited to have my next guest on, they need no introduction, their latest album is called “Simulation Theory” and you can see them March 11th at the Forum! Playing their song called “Pressure”, give it up for the one, the only Muse!

Thank you Oxnard! Happy Valentine’s Day Everybody! We’re off to Ontario next. Yes, the Top 10 is hanging out in the 909! See you next week!


Host: Initech
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of Live Audience At: Levity Live, Oxnard, CA
Special Thanks To: Levity Live Management
Holy Shit Gospel Choir: Ventura College Choir Club
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Posted by Top 10 Idiots | Wed Feb 13, 2019, 05:00 PM (0 replies)

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #6-5: Curb Your Kasich Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #6-5: Curb Your Kasich Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! First off Happy Chinese New Year everybody! Yes, it’s the year of the Pig and that’s not counting our pig headed president. He’s just naturally that way. We won't get to cover the SOTU this week because there's a lot to take in and it will take days to unpack the bullshit from it, but it was summed up perfectly by one of Trump's guests of honor:

Well, hey,we were all thinking it! It is good to be home everybody! We have been touring the country the last few weeks but we will be back home for the next few weeks. Can we have a do over on the Super Bowl please? Yeah no not only am I not happy with the outcome, there was nothing memorable about it. It was one of the most boring, dull, uninspiring games ever, the halftime show sucked, and even the commercials weren't memorable at all. Hell Cher’s tweet about Adam Lavine’s body tattoo was more memorable than the entire halftime show. Shit, more people were interested in This Is Us than they were about the game, I mean who wants to see the Patriots win again? Oh and Patriots fans, you know I’d stop referring to them as the “Evil Empire” if Bill Belichick didn’t look like Count Doku. Seriously, look it up. I’m actually with the Saints fans who didn’t watch and protested the game this year. Hey, I had a team in it and I thought that this was one of the worst ever. And speaking of the Saints fans protest, I love New Orleans by the way – they can turn just about anything into a giant party. I mean shit, this is the city that puts the “fun” in “funeral”, someone dies and they turn it into a giant block party with music and dancing. And of course booze, you can’t forget the booze – it flows pretty freely in NOLA. They are definitely not letting this one go either – the official NOLA paper even printed on their front page “Super Bowl? What Super Bowl?”. Was there a game going on or something? Oh well the NFL definitely deserved what they got because this was one of the lowest rated Super Bowls in history. Hell, it was an all time new low. Oh yeah and fuck the Patriots, hopefully the Saints can beat the shit out of them next year. OK enough of the intro. We got a lot of idiocy to get to. But first Bill Maher is back and he does a deep dive into the one thing that Trump really needs to build a wall around:

Ed. Note – we are *NOT* going to cover the horrifying and awful assault of Empire star Jussie Smollett, at least not this week. Another example of a story too horrifying to make fun of, even if it involves MAGAts. Now back to our regularly scheduled programming!

Where do we begin this week? Well we begin with the Christian right’s favorite subject – the apocalypse! And while there’s many ways we could predict the apocalypse is going to happen , catastrophic weather wasn’t one at the time of the Bible. And Donald Trump (1) is showing how much he cares about the extreme climate changes. In the second slot this week is Foxconn (2) – yes the behemoth Chinese manufacturing conglomerate responsible for giving us suicide nets is coming to Wisconsin! Well, sort of. But Wisconsin workers are getting “Art Of The Deal”’d. Yeah. At number 3 this week is John Kasich (3). In case you don’t know who he is, he’s the former governor of Ohio and former presidential candidate, and this week some new light has been shed on his character after he got bumped from a flight, and he’s doing his best Larry David imitation. In the fourth slot this week, we’re going to play the new game that is sweeping the nation – “IS IT RACIST????” (4) starring Virginia governor and guy currently digging his own political grave, Ralph Northram! So is it racist? Yeah probably! For the number 5 slot this week is our weekly investigative piece “Top 10 Investigates” and this week we’re going to take a look at one of our favorite topics – cell phone spying, and particularly yet another security flaw discovered in iOS’s Facetime application. How safe is it? We will find out! In our number 6 slot this week is of course our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in “Holy Shit” and this week, our resident pastor is going to find out if opponents of the Dark One’s MAGA lifestyle are really the demon spawn of Satan? Yeah probably. For the 7th slot this week we have an all new edition of Beating A Dead Horse (7), and if you’re thinking of boycotting Starbucks in the wake of Howard Schultz announcing his run as an independent, giving your money to another billionaire isn’t going to work. For the number 8 slot we have a new installment of “How Is This Still A Thing” and after two years of just nonsense typos, and not using spellcheck once, we’re going to ask “Donald Trump’s Twitter Typos: How Is This Still A Thing?”. In the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot we’ve got a new edition of “I Need A Drink”. So last week Netflix debuted a docu-bio picture about serial killer Ted Bundy, and we have to get to the bottom of whether or not Ted Bundy is hot. Finally this week our next installment of our ongoing series that explains how government works to conspiracy theorists, Deep State Diaries (10) is going to hang out with the Drug Enforcement Agency! Plus we have some live music from our good friends Weezer! Yes, the almighty Rivers and company have graced us with their presence. Really if you don’t have their awesome new covers album Teal Album you’re doing it wrong. Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
[br] [/font]

Hey everyone guess what? We’re all gonna die!!!! So the extreme weather entity known as the “polar vortex” has been rearing its’ ugly head and quite literally turning weather upside down all over the world. Cold is hot, hot is cold, it’s raining and snowing heavily everywhere. And maybe, just maybe, it might be finally time to talk about climate change! Well, at least not if you saw the shit spewing from @realDonaldTrump’s twitter feed last week. Can we throw that tweet up there?


So much wrong with this I don’t even know where to begin! And you know with all of this, I thought there was a giant crisis. Anyone remember that? Well…


Dude, not even last week, you literally said that there's a border crisis and that you're ready to declare a national emergency to get your precious wall. Oh well I guess playtime is more important! I mean next thing you know Trump will be fighting for a position on the monkey bars, you know, assuming he can pull his fat ass up enough to climb them! OK enough about Trump’s tweets for a minute. You know what is really crazy? His lack of common sense on the environment. And tonight is the State Of The Union – will Trump address the 800 pound gorilla in the room?

There is little chance that President Trump will address climate change in his State of the Union speech. But climate change will likely become a part of tonight's events, no matter what the president says — or doesn't.

In both of his previous addresses to Congress, Trump all but ignored the threat of a hotter planet — never once uttering the phrases "climate change" or "global warming." The issue is as politicized as ever, and Trump has spent his first two years as president rolling back or weakening many of former President Obama's climate policies.

But in his speech this year, Trump faces a new Congress, one where emboldened Democrats control the House. And he'll be talking to an American public that is more worried than ever about global warming. In the last year, concern over climate change has increased among Democrats, independents and Republicans, driven by images of natural disasters, recent polls have shown.

About 12 hours after Trump ends his address, NOAA and NASA will announce that last year was the fourth-warmest year since modern record-keeping began, coming behind only the previous three years.

Oh yeah so much winning! And if ignoring climate change is what one would consider winning you should see some of the ways climate change could potentially kill us all, but we don’t have time to list them all here. What? We have this thing called Google!!! Oh and if you’re like me and not all surprised that states that voted for Trump are the ones who are going to be the most affected, you are in the wrong hallway, guys!

Forests decimated by drought and wildfire from Montana to California. Homes blasted by hurricanes and flooding from North Carolina to Texas.

Climate change, according to scientists, is already fueling natural disasters across the United States, causing billions of dollars worth of devastation.

Now a new report from UC San Diego and the Brookings Institution predicts the states that could suffer the harshest economic toll from global warming are those that voted for President Donald Trump and other conservative politicians opposed to reining in greenhouse gases.

“The damages to the Republican-electing congressional districts is almost double what it is for the Democratic-voting districts,” said David Victor, a researcher at UC San Diego’s School of Global Policy and Strategy and a prominent contributor to the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change.

“The political alignment around climate impacts is almost the exact opposite of the political alignment around emissions control,” he added.

Yeah so even my home state is affected, but Trump supporters probably don’t care about that, and you know what? If you are bashing my state so much and you live here, get the fuck out! We wont miss you even slightly! And by the way does someone want to teach Trump about how it works? Oh wait, who am I kidding? This is the Trump administration! Facts don’t matter!

President Trump has been a longtime opponent of taking action on climate change, as evidenced by everything from his accusation that the phenomenon is a “hoax” created by China to his decision to pull the U.S. out of the Paris Agreement.

There are many reasons Trump may be against addressing climate change, but one thing is clear: he doesn’t understand the science behind it.

On Monday, the President took to Twitter to repeat a joke he frequently makes during winter weather events — this time the record-breaking, polar vortex-caused cold that’s sweeping the midwest this week — as a reason climate change cannot be real.

Weather refers to the atmospheric conditions at a particular place and time. At this very moment, the weather in the midwest is freezing cold, with major snowstorms.

Climate refers to the long-term atmospheric patterns in a particular area. It may hit -20°F in the midwest this week, but over the long term, the average temperature is expected to rise, as is the frequency of days with extreme high temperatures. In fact, the National Climate Assessment, a landmark report released last year following a collaboration between more than a dozen federal agencies, shows that those trends are “higher for the Midwest than in any other region of the United States.”

You know Time, don’t bother trying to educate Trump on how the weather works, because he most likely doesn’t care and won’t listen. I mean there’s everyone from Arnold Schwarzenegger to kids trying to educate Trump on climate change. Yes, kids!!!!

No, despite the cold snap, the Midwest does not need more warming. Ever since President Trump’s infamous “Global Waming” tweet, a lot of folks have been chiming in to set the record straight. NOAA. Cable TV hosts. Bill Nye. But two adorable kids just stole the freaking show.

On Jimmy Kimmel Live! Tuesday night, 10-year-old Kaitlynn and 8-year-old Apollo took turns breaking down basic science for the president of the United States. As Kaitlynn put it: “Don’t get angry, Mr. President — it’s just science.”

Kaitlynn handled the greenhouse effect, while Apollo patiently explained the difference between weather and climate: “Even though it’s cold where you are, that doesn’t mean the globe isn’t heating up.”

Kaitlynn stressed that the many consequences of climate change are going to make the world pretty rough for people her age — and that includes Trump’s 12-year-old son, Barron.

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[font size="8"]Foxconn Wisconsin
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Anyone remember last year when conservatives were so quick to flash their cash in front of us when they got those $1,000 bonuses? Well who’s laughing now? Also remember when Trump was touting the idea of bringing Chinese mega manufacturing conglomerate Foxconn to the States? Yes, Foxconn, the behemoth Chinese manufacturer of nearly everything we use that contains an on / off switch that gave us unsatisfactory working conditions, extreme labor and human rights violations, and worker suicide nets is coming to America! Woooooooooooooooooo!!!! Wooo. Yeah you might not be so excited after finding out what they have been up to this week.

In 2017, Foxconn promised Wisconsin an enormous state-of-the-art factory, staffed by thousands of workers, all making screens for 75-inch TVs. The building would be the “eighth wonder of the world,” President Trump declared at a groundbreaking ceremony with gold-plated shovels last summer. Then, the Taiwan-based company announced that it would actually be a far smaller factory, making screens about half the size, with more jobs in “knowledge work” than in manufacturing.

Now, it is unclear whether there will be a factory at all.

On Wednesday, Louis Woo, special assistant to Foxconn chief executive Terry Gou, told Reuters that the company was rethinking the whole screen-making idea. “In Wisconsin we’re not building a factory,” Woo said. He explained that Foxconn can’t compete producing televisions in the US. Instead, it would be more profitable to manufacture LCD panels in China and Japan, ship them to Mexico, and import them in the US. On Thursday, the Nikkei Asian Review reported that work on the Wisconsin project had been suspended.

Later that day, Woo appeared to backtrack vaguely, sending a peculiar email to the Milwaukee TV station WTMJ suggesting that it was hard to know what to call the project. “No matter how we look at it, the campus cannot be simply described as a factory,” Woo wrote. “It is a lot more than that.” (Update: Friday afternoon, Foxconn said that after a conversation with Trump, it had decided to build an LCD factory in Wisconsin after all, but gave no timeline for the project.)

Yeah so Foxconn was going to pull out of Wisconsin entirely, but they decided to go ahead with it, because, Trump. so I guess this is the Art Of The Deal? And by the way if you think Huawei has been caught with their pants down in the spying department, wait until Foxconn comes over here!

In 2017, the Taiwanese electronics company Foxconn promised the state of Wisconsin 13,000 jobs, many of them in manufacturing, in return for what now amounts to a $4 billion subsidy: the largest in U.S history. It now seems unlikely that Foxconn will make good on its pledge, especially for blue-collar jobs. Having already downsized the expected plant once, Foxconn told Reuters last week the factory project was off and then denied this days later in a statement.

The statement also mentioned “expand(ing) our investment in American talent in Wisconsin.” On that front, the company has been active: Foxconn has been integrating itself into the revenue-desperate state university system for years.

Now, university students worry that the intellectual property that comes out of their hard work might end up in the pockets of the corporate behemoth.

In August, the company announced a $100 million research institution at the University of Wisconsin-Madison’s engineering graduate school, the largest private partnership in school history. The investment will refit a university building for the Foxconn Institute for Research in Science and Technology (FIRST), where research will span everything from biochips and supercomputing to robotics and artificial intelligence.

Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, that’s strangely appropriate because you know that whenever Trump says or does anything, the opposite happens, right? He’s a literal exact opposite of King Midas in that everything he touches turns to shit! Foxconn really is no different and they’re already making a bad deal worse. Just how bad is it?

Absolutely no one should have been surprised that the fantasy of an imaginary high-tech Foxconn factory three times the size of the Pentagon and transforming Wisconsin into a jobs-gushing Silicon Valley of the Midwest suddenly began vanishing into thin air last week. The only surprising part was that the deal started coming apart even before Foxconn—a Taiwanese company producing liquid-crystal display TV and computer screens—could collect any of the $4 billion in state and local taxpayer subsidies former Republican Gov. Scott Walker foolishly committed to pay the company throughout the next 15 years—the largest state tax giveaway in U.S. history.

Seriously, did anyone other than Walker’s Republican co-conspirators in the Legislature ever really believe all those preposterous claims about Foxconn turning Racine County into Walt Disney’s Tomorrowland, with Tinkerbell flying overhead sprinkling fairy dust? The initial announcement was a 2017 Walker re-election stunt at the White House featuring Walker, Donald Trump and Foxconn Chairman Terry Gou—three notorious public liars well-known for promising enormous jobs numbers that never materialized.

The centerpiece of Walker 2010 campaign was an incredible political promise to create 250,000 jobs in his first term, which he still hadn’t achieved when voters finally sent him packing eight years later. Trump’s blizzard of well-documented lies by The Washington Post increased to 15-a-day in 2018, tripling his 2017 world record. It wasn’t easy, but Gou put them both to shame. Gou had broken promises to spend billions of dollars throughout the world that, he claimed, would create tens of thousands of jobs in Brazil, India, Vietnam and Indonesia. Gou’s only prior U.S. fabrication was a 2013 promise to invest $30 million creating 300 high-tech jobs in Pennsylvania. It never happened.

Uh… that your deals are bogus? And by the way if Trump is a dirty dealer and the Wisconsin deal is a dirty deal, what does that mean for other cities who might be trying to woo Foxconn or other behemoth manufacturers to their cities? Let’s just say buyer beware!

One year ago, the Taiwanese electronics company Foxconn scored a blockbuster $4 billion economic development deal to build a manufacturing plant in Mount Pleasant, in southeastern Wisconsin, promising to invest $10 billion in a plant that would create 13,000 jobs. Last week, Foxconn announced it may dramatically cut back hiring plans—even after city and county governments bought out local homeowners via eminent domain.

“This news is devastating for the taxpayers of Wisconsin,” said Wisconsin Rep. Gordon Hintz, one of several local leaders who swiftly condemned the corporate pivot. “We were promised manufacturing jobs. We were promised state-of-the-art LCD production. We were promised a game-changing economic opportunity for our state. And now, it appears Foxconn is living up to their failed track record in the U.S.—leaving another state and community high and dry.”

The exact contours of the plan remain unclear, leading some observers to claim Foxconn has pulled a “bait-and-switch.”

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[font size="8"]John Kasich
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We need some music for this one!

Last week, a new book came out about former Ohio governor, presidential candidate and guy who is doing his best to channel his inner Larry David, John Kasich, ran into a bit of a scuffle with a comedian who was on the same flight he was. It turns out the former governor was bumped from a flight and got into a spat with the star of a Hulu show called “Difficult People” and was pulling his inner Larry David and complaining that he got bumped to coach class. The horror! For the record, let’s call this piece “Curb Your Kasich”.

A comedian on Friday told the full story of her recent encounter with former Ohio Gov. John Kasich, whom she says stole her seat aboard an Alaska Airlines flight from New York to San Francisco when he was bumped.

Julie Klausner, known for the Hulu sitcom “Difficult People,” said the Republican was an “obnoxious” flight companion on her podcast, “How Was Your Week?”

She said a pilot needed to fly last-minute aboard the plane and bumped Kasich out of his seat, according to Cleveland.com. But instead of taking the downgraded seat he was assigned, the former presidential candidate took the comedian’s, the outlet reported.

Klausner, who identifies as a liberal, said once she read up on Kasich — and his political views — she decided to post about the incident on Twitter.


Yeah we can assume it was pretty much like that. So John Kasich may have been channeling his inner Larry David by refusing to fly coach. But as you peel back the layers of this story, it gets weirder and weirder, because, why wouldn’t it?

Earlier in the month Alaska Airlines needed to bump a passenger from first class on a New York JFK to San Francisco flight for a pilot traveling to a duty assignment. The passenger they downgraded to economy was John Kasich, who just finished serving 8 years as Governor of Ohio and who sought the Republican nomination for President in 2016.

Only Governor Kasich didn’t leave the first class cabin, he sat down in another passenger’s seat instead.

Passenger Julie Klausner agreed to take a later flight rather than engage the drama. Alaska Airlines reimbursed the cost of the margherita flatbread she purchased while waiting an extra four hours.

It’s been reported that Kasich was asked to move to extra legroom coach (‘premium’) and also to 12F which I don’t think is an extra legroom seat on any Alaska aircraft (and we know that since this wasn’t the last flight of the day on the route that the aircraft was an Airbus A320). Here’s where he sat instead.

And by the way does anyone else find it ironic that Kasich picked a fight with the star of a show called “Difficult People”? Seems like Kasich just gave Klausner and the Difficult People writers some material for the next few episodes!

A comedian on her way to San Francisco from New York City earlier this month said former Ohio Governor John Kasich took her first class airplane seat after Alaska Airlines staff moved him to a new seat in economy class.

Julie Klausner, who appears in the Hulu sitcom "Difficult People" said she was surprised to find Kasich in seat 1D on her morning Alaska Airlines flight from John F. Kennedy Airport to San Francisco.

Kasich recently finished a second term as Ohio's governor. He also sought the Republican nomination for President during the 2016 election.

Gate agents told Klausner a pilot who needed to travel last-minute had been given Kasich's original first class seat. Alaska agents re-assigned Kasich to a seat behind the curtain in its extra-legroom economy cabin, Premium Class.

But the politician instead sat down in an unoccupied first class seat, which ended up being Klausner's.

Oh and by at least some good came out of this incident, and for a cause that a pro-life conservative like Kasich would absolutely fucking hate! So Klausner decided to use this story for good instead of bad and raised a lot of money for Planned Parenthood!

Comedian Julie Klausner has raised thousands of dollars for Planned Parenthood of Greater Ohio after reportedly losing her seat on a cross-country flight to former Ohio Gov. John Kasich (R), an abortion opponent.

Klausner, a California-based comedian best known for her role on the Hulu series “Difficult People,” posted on social media earlier this month that she lost her spot on an Alaska Airlines flight from New York to San Francisco after Kasich’s original seat was occupied by a pilot flying last minute, according to Cleveland.com.

Kasich was then moved to her what had been Klausner's seat, prompting her to take a separate flight, according to her account.

Klausner said that when she began getting insulted and criticized on social media for her depiction of the incident, she decided to donate $1 to Planned Parenthood of Ohio for every comment — both positive and negative — posted on her social media accounts.

On Tuesday she posted PayPal receipts on Twitter showing her donation of $2,774 to Planned Parenthood of Greater Ohio.

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[font size="8"]Is It Racist?
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Hey everyone! It’s time for the new game that’s sweeping the nation!

IS IT RACIST???? Yeah probably! Well the reason why we’re playing this fun game is that racism is once again rearing its’ big ugly head in the news so we need to dissect and analyze the big stories that are impacting everyone. This week we are literally watching the exact procedure in which one would dig their political career’s grave. Yes, of course I’m talking about newly minted Virginia governor Ralph Northam and the political hit job against him. But the way this whole thing is being handled is what one would call “poorly”.

Controversy swirled over the weekend after a racist photo in Virginia Gov. Ralph Northam's medical school yearbook surfaced.

The photo, which pictured a person in blackface and a person dressed in a Ku Klux Klan robe, was featured on Northam's page in a 1984 yearbook. Northam, a Democrat, initially apologized for being in the photo, then later said he did not believe he was pictured.

Despite calls for his resignation from several members of his own party, the Democrat is standing his ground and has refused to leave office.

Here's a breakdown of how we got here:

The photograph was first discovered Friday afternoon by the conservative news outlet Big League Politics. It was one of several published on Northam's medical school yearbook page from Eastern Virginia Medical School from 1984, the year he graduated. The school confirmed the photo's authenticity and provided a copy of the page to USA TODAY.

True, Eddie, very true! But really… who has a medical school yearbook? And second, what the fuck was that editor thinking? And really if you think about it, this is the same kind of shit that forced Al Franken to resign and got James Gunn fired. And by the way I think we’re starting to notice a pattern between people who think the KKK is funny and people who have previously appeared in blackface. Coincidence?

The political world is feeling the shockwaves of the racist photo discovered on the 1984 medical school yearbook page of Virginia Gov. Ralph Northam, who is being pressed – even by fellow Democrats – to resign.

Those with a sense for race relations in the state and the time when the yearbook was published are no less indignant, but their astonishment is tempered by a sense of history.

The photo, depicting a person in blackface next to another person in a Ku Klux Klan robe, is offensive. Unheard of? Not quite.

Northam has done himself no favors with his changing explanations, first apologizing for being in the picture and then saying he wasn’t in it at all but acknowledging he once wore blackface when imitating Michael Jackson in a dance contest.

So let’s go through the list. Wore a KKK outfit? Check. Appeared in blackface? Check. Didn’t think blackface wasn’t appropriate at the time? Check. Also lived in Virginia before the internet? Checkity check check! Yeah he’s probably a racist. But should he resign? Let’s take a look at the other side of the issue.

The photo from Virginia Gov. Ralph Northam’s medical school yearbook page showing a picture of a man wearing blackface and another in a Ku Klux Klan hood was first posted on the conservative news site Big League News. According to the Wall Street Journal, that site was founded in 2017 by Patrick Howley, who previously worked for Breitbart and The Daily Caller. But the GOP connections go deeper than that.

“Big League doesn’t shy away from the fact that it is partial to America First Trumpism,” Fritsch told the Journal. “We have criticized Trump in the past, but most of our stuff—like the mainstream media liked to see Barack [Obama] and Hillary [Clinton] succeed, but they don’t tell you—we like to see America First succeed. There’s no beating around the bush.”

To be clear, the source of the photo doesn’t change the fact that it’s deeply offensive and racist, and that Northam should resign. (The fact that he hasn’t could be damaging to the Democratic Party as a whole.) But it’s worth knowing who first discovered this photo and why.

One under-discussed element of this story is what was happening in Virginia politics in the days before the photo came out.

OK so let’s recap. Media company that touts “America First Trumpism” and promotes MAGA conspiracy theories and is hostile to democratic causes takes down a democratic governor with a medical school yearbook picture? Nah, that can’t be coincidence. And speaking of coincidence, you can’t say that “it’s you” because of a yearbook scandal from just one year. But if your school has to ban yearbooks because of multiple racist scandals, then yeah, it’s you.

Talk about history repeating itself over and over. In 2013, the provost of Eastern Virginia Medical School—which in 1984 printed a yearbook page for future Virginia Gov. Ralph Northam that contained a racist, recently resurfaced photo—banned future editions of the yearbook because people couldn’t stop being super racist, the Washington Post reported Monday.

Provost Richard Homan didn’t can the yearbook after Northam’s year—when his page, which is now the subject of calls for him to resign, featured a photo of a person in blackface and someone in Klan garb. But he opted to end the yearbook’s printing because of a different racist photo from a 2013 edition depicting three white students dressed in Confederate uniforms and standing in front of the Confederate battle flag.

Homan, who spoke with the Post after an emergency meeting with the school’s Board of Visitors on Monday, said he recalled at the time telling Mekbib Gemeda, the school’s new vice president for diversity and inclusion, that the students in the 2013 Confederate photo should be counseled and given sensitivity training. He also banned future yearbooks, saying the books were typically made by students with little faculty review. Homan did not, however, review previous editions of the medical school’s yearbook to see if, perhaps, something like this had happened before.

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[font size="8"]Top 10 Investigates: Facetime Spying
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It’s time to investigate beyond the headlines. This is Top 10 Investigates!

In the 21st century, we live in a world now where there are more cell phones than people. In fact the subject of cell phone spying has been an extremely popular one among well, just about everybody. Even the cell phone giant Huawei has been busted on it multiple times, which prompts iPhone owners to say something along the lines of “Well, at least I don’t own a Huawei!”. Well you might want to add your iPhone to that list, because there was a new flaw discovered in the iPhone Facetime app that has Apple scrambling for answers.

Apple issued an apology Friday for a massive FaceTime app glitch that allowed users to hear or see a person they were calling into a group chat, even if that person hadn’t accepted the call.

“We sincerely apologize to our customers who were affected and all who were concerned about this security issue,” Apple said in a statement to CNBC. “We appreciate everyone’s patience as we complete this process.”

Apple temporarily disabled Group FaceTime on Tuesday, expecting to relaunch the feature this week. Although the company asserted in today’s statement that is has identified and fixed the “security bug,” it won’t issue be issuing a software update or re-enable the feature until next week.

The eavesdropping glitch was first reported to Apple’s by 14-year-old Grant Thompson, first discovered the issue nine days before the tech giant commented on the bug. According to CNN, Thompson’s mother, Michele, “reported the issue to Apple in multiple ways, from email and phone calls to sending the company a fax, but it failed to respond.”

Even if you think your cell phone could be spying on you, chances are good that it probably is. In fact cyber security experts are calling this a “nightmare scenario”. And this even comes as a time when Apple is losing significant market share of the iPhone. So the timing of this couldn’t possibly be any worse for the company.

It was a tin-foil hatted conspiracy theorist’s wildest prognostication come true: the trusty and beloved iPhones that accompany users to work, to bed and even to the toilet suddenly transformed into an all-purpose spying device, transmitting audio and video to anyone with your phone number or email.

“This is the nightmare scenario,” said Marcus Carey, a cybersecurity expert and author of Tribe of Hackers. “It does incite privacy fears because this is the same scenario that most people fear from the US government and other regimes.”

The bug, which was publicized Monday, transmitted audio (and, under certain circumstances, video) to a caller despite the recipient not having accepted the call. It was triggered when the initial caller added a third person to a FaceTime call. Though Apple has yet to issue a software patch, the company has disabled group chatting on FaceTime, preventing users from further exploiting the bug.

But the major flaw in FaceTime has raised concerns about Apple’s security practices just as the company reports disappointing financial results. And reports that a teenager and his mother spent days attempting to alert Apple to the problem have also raised questions about the company’s procedures for receiving reports of vulnerabilities.

But cell phone spying isn’t just a concern for conspiracy theorists and your crazy aunt who watches network news all day, it’s a serious concern for the government. In fact the state of New York is launching an investigation into the bug. And if you have such a phone then you might want to disable it until a fix is found.

New York state Attorney General Letitia James has launched an investigation into the circumstances of Apple’s recent FaceTime bug. The bug, which allowed callers to listen and watch through a phone’s camera before a call was picked up, became public on Monday, and Apple has since disabled the relevant feature. The AG’s office will be focusing on Apple’s slow response to the bug, which was reported to the company more than a week before it became public.

“This FaceTime breach is a serious threat to the security and privacy of the millions of New Yorkers who have put their trust in Apple and its products over the years,” James said in a statement. “New Yorkers shouldn’t have to choose between their private communications and their privacy rights.”

The move comes just two days after New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo issued a consumer alert about the bug, warning citizens to disable FaceTime until a fix could be deployed. “The FaceTime bug is an egregious breach of privacy that puts New Yorkers at risk,” Cuomo said. “I am deeply concerned by this irresponsible bug that can be exploited for unscrupulous purposes.”

The bug has also attracted attention at the federal level where many legislators have been pushing for a comprehensive new data privacy bill. Shortly after news of the bug broke, Sen. Amy Klobuchar (D-MN) called it “a clear violation of consumers’ privacy protections and a reminder of why we need comprehensive privacy legislation.”


However, whether or not Apple will actually get around to fixing this latest flaw remains to be seen and even the company itself has remained iffy on the issue. Will it be fixed or will it wont? In fact even the House Of Representatives is demanding that Apple answer for this latest SNAFU. And even Tim Cook himself isn’t sure when it will be fixed and this could be a huge problem.

Top House Democrats are demanding answers from Apple CEO Tim Cook after a bug in the company’s FaceTime program allowed users to listen in on other devices even if their call hadn’t been accepted.

Rep. Frank Pallone Jr. (D-N.J.), the chairman of the House Energy and Commerce Committee, and Rep. Jan Schakowsky (D-Ill.), who leads the panel’s consumer protection subcommittee, wrote to Cook on Tuesday expressing concern about the vulnerability that Apple says it fixed last week.

“As such, we are writing to better understand when Apple first learned of this security flaw, the extent to which the flaw has compromised consumers’ privacy, and whether there are other undisclosed bugs that currently exist and have not been addressed,” the two Democrats wrote.

The flaw was discovered by a 14-year-old in Arizona on January 19, according to reports. More than a week later, Apple disabled the FaceTime Group feature where the bug was present and announced a fix on February 1.

We will keep an eye on this issue as it develops but for now that’s it for Top 10 Investigates. Good day.

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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
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Gather around my fair brothers and sisters! It’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate, for the Holy Church Of The Top 10 has convened and it’s time to remind you that the holiest among us are the most full of:

My fair congregation! You know we don’t like to talk about the unholy, ungodly Dark One who is currently occupying the highest office in the land. And we most certainly do not speak his name in my church! Or his ungodly, sinful lifestyle employed by his followers. But what happens when they think that opponents of their ungodly, sinful lifestyle are the spawns of SAYTAN? This is one of those things that is really head scratching. Especially when our good book says that the Dark One shall pose as a creature of light, and that is exactly what he is doing, my friends!

A group of Trump-supporting “prophets” rallied prayer warriors last Thursday night to defend Trump’s push for a wall on the Southern border, denouncing his political opponents and media critics as demonic forces out to undermine God’s plan for the nation.

The conference call was hosted by Frank Amedia, a Trump campaign adviser who created—at God’s instruction, he says—POTUS Shield, a “prophetic” network conceived to wage spiritual warfare on behalf of Trump and his supposedly divine mission to shift the U.S. Supreme Court to the right. The call, which lasted more than an hour, was held the night before Trump agreed to sign legislation re-opening the federal government for three weeks while negotiations continue on border security funding.

On the call, Amedia and other speakers portrayed the gridlock and partial government shutdown as part of a nefarious strategy to not only destroy Trump’s presidency but also to strip the nation of its identity and sovereignty. Jerry Boykin, a retired general who is both executive vice president of the Family Research Council and a member of the POTUS Shield council, spoke on the call and said he had been at a meeting with Trump the day before and said the president “is not going to back down.”

Boykin called opposition to Trump—reflected in the “hatred” he said was “spewed” toward the MAGA-hat-wearing Catholic school boys whose interactions with a Native American elder provoked intense controversy on social media— “diabolical” and “spiritual to the nth degree.” Boykin said the government shutdown was terrible and that it would require the Lord himself to intervene to end it.

You know I’m pretty sure that the good LAWRD has better things to do than this nonsense. But I know his followers definitely don’t have anything better to do. So why are we the spawns of SAYTAN and he and his followers are GAWD’s anointed? That makes no sense does it? Can I get an amen????

Media outlets and social media were buzzing this week about White House Press Secretary Sarah Sanders’ Wednesday interview on the Christian Broadcasting Network, during which she said that God wanted Donald Trump to be president.

Here’s a new flash: Since the earliest days of his presidential campaign, Trump has been hearing from Religious Right leaders, including his personal “spiritual adviser” Paula White, that he was chosen and anointed by God to be president; they routinely portray his 2016 victory as miraculous—the direct result of divine intervention.

The Christian Broadcasting Network is every bit as much a pro-Trump propaganda outlet as Fox News, with the added bonus of promoting Trump as God’s anointed. The same can be said for the Pentecostal media platform, Charisma, and other conservative Christian media networks.

And if Trump is God’s chosen instrument, Religious Right leaders repeatedly tell their followers, it follows that Trump’s opponents—including his “deep state” enemies—are opposing God and are in league with Satan’s demonic forces of darkness.

So where is this nonsense coming from? You know we had to trace back a bit to see where it was coming from, and this might be one of the sources. Apparently after all this madness started, it was revealed that the Dark One was receiving “downloads” that proved that he was “god’s anointed”. Is that code for something? I don’t know.

Frank Amedia, who was a volunteer “Christian policy liaison” for Donald Trump’s presidential campaign before launching a project with fellow “prophets” to create a “POTUS Shield” around Trump’s presidency, visited televangelist Jim Bakker’s program this week to discuss various prophecies he has received around Trump.

Amedia told Bakker that he had heard from God that God had given Trump a “breaker anointing” that had allowed him to break up the Republican and Democratic parties and the news media, so North Korea had better watch out.

“So, you know, North Korea, you’d better be on your toes because you’re up against a breaker anointing of God,” he said. “This isn’t about politics, this isn’t government as usual, this isn’t even militaristic, God has raised up…a breaker anointing. Anything that God opposes him against, he breaks up. He broke up the Republican Party…he broke up the Democratic Party, he broke up the news media. Everything that comes against him, he has a hammer against. So, I’m telling you, North Korea, you’d better stand down because you’re up against the breaker anointing of God.”

That is a good question, oh great LAWRD!!!! Oh and by the way how great is our gospel choir? Let’s give it up for them. And there’s no Maroon 5 either, just them. And by the way if you want to take a look at who exactly is doing the LAWRD’s work look at this incident out of Louisiana. Really these guys are the ones who think they’re GAWD’s anointed? Get out of here!!

James “Doc” Greene is a Religious Right talk radio host who has been broadcasting from Houston, Texas for years. Last weekend, he was arrested after he entered a public library with a concealed weapon to protest a “Drag Queen Storytime” event and refused to leave.

Outsmart Magazine, Houston’s LGBTQ outlet, reported Tuesday that Greene had been escorted out of the Houston Public Library the weekend prior because he refused to leave the building, from which he was banned after he reportedly filmed children visiting the library.

In a video Greene recorded of the incident, he flashes what looks like a White House press pool badge dated October 28 (no year given) to argue that he is a member of the media. For about five minutes, Green bickers with Houston Police Department members who are requesting that he leave the premises before he tells them, “We have a bunch of homosexuals that are molesting children. They are doing it with your help.”

After Greene continued to refuse officers’ demands that he go to his vehicle and leave the library premises, officers handcuffed him and confiscated his concealed firearm. There is no indication that Green intended to use his handgun in the library, and Texas law permits concealed carry permit holders to tote firearms in most public venues. Greene complained of chest pains after he was placed in a squad car and was taken to a hospital, where he reportedly stayed for six hours. No charges have been filed against Greene.

“The police, unfortunately, have become the criminals themselves,” Greene said in an interview after the incident, accusing officers of violating his First Amendment rights.

Oh and there was no molesting going on, you stupid dumbass. Really you guys need to find something else to do. Wait, they probably have nothing else to do! There you go. Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]Beating A Dead Horse
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Your boycott is not going to work! There, I said it! Yes, you know the time honored tradition of telling a corporation where they can shove their products has long been a favorite of both liberals and conservatives during the last 15 years. And in the last 3 years it’s been taken to some crazy extremes with conservatives burning and destroying everything from Keurigs to NFL season tickets to Taylor Swift albums. You know, because it’s fun to burn things! It’s also fun to throw things out of a window, because hey, it’s Physics 101, yo! But there’s one chain that has been the subject of numerous boycotts from both sides over the last 15 years and that’s the coffee chain known as Starbucks. You know why your boycott is not going to work? Because you’re probably sipping on a latte right now while you’re talking to your barista about the latest draft of his screenplay. And if you give your money to another corporation that sells coffee, like Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf, or 7-11, or Whole Foods, or anyone else because it makes you the moral authority, well, that’s when you start to see ridiculous shit like this.

Which is fine except you just gave your money to a company whose franchise owners have been using their stores to conduct ICE Raids:

The show wasn’t just for Sandhu. The day he was raided, immigration officers fanned out across America, serving inspection notices and arresting suspected undocumented workers at 98 7-Eleven stores in 17 states and Washington, D.C. Since then agents have raided several more, and Bloomberg has learned that ICE and federal prosecutors in Brooklyn, N.Y., are engaged in criminal investigations of multiple franchises. 7-Eleven, an American icon and the world’s largest convenience store chain, has become the highest-profile target of a sweeping corporate immigration crackdown by President Trump.

It’s a huge headache and a public-relations nightmare for the company and its chief executive officer, Joe DePinto. But the immigration crackdown has also given 7-Eleven something potentially useful: the names of franchisees who might be in legal jeopardy. Store owners found in violation of immigration law could be in breach of their franchise agreements. And as they well know, 7-Eleven has the contractual right to take back a store from someone who’s violated his or her agreement. Which is why Sandhu’s mind went into overdrive when, on July 30, he received a letter from 7-Eleven demanding any documents alleging violations of immigration law and warning him that he risked having his store seized if he didn’t comply.

If you think you’re taking the moral high ground by buying a coffee at 7-11 instead of Starbucks, you’re not, and the sooner you realize that, the better. So why is Starbucks the subject of yet *ANOTHER* boycott? Well it’s because former CEO Howard Schulz announced his bid for the presidency as an independent. Which you know, is always a guaranteed path to the presidency! But why boycott Starbucks over this? Why not?

Democrats are threatening to boycott Starbucks if the coffee giant's former CEO Howard Schultz brings his potential 2020 ambitions to fruition.

Since announcing on January 27 that he was "seriously considering running for president as a centrist independent," Schultz faced almost immediate calls to seriously reconsider.

At issue is the possibility that Schultz running as an independent could split the vote in the upcoming 2020 election, potentially securing President Donald Trump's re-election.

After airing his potential 2020 ambitions on Twitter, Schultz was faced with a wave of appeals with a resounding message: "Please don't."

"Please don’t," said former federal prosecutor Renato Mariotti in a tweet responding to Schultz's. "Our nation faces a serious crisis due to the actions of Donald Trump, and you would split the vote against him."

Other social media users rushed to "co-sign" Mariotti's statement, with one Twitter user saying the former Starbucks chief had "no chance of doing anything but distracting us and costing us votes."

You know before you go and get your underwear in a wad about Howard Schulz running for president, just remember two things – 1) we’re still a long way out from the Democratic Primaries. And 2) just remember he’s running as an independent. If he runs at all. And you know how well running as an independent for president works! So of course the natural solution is to boycott Starbucks. And you should realize that Starbucks is no stranger to boycotts! There have been numerous attempts over the last few years to boycott the chain, but they’ve all failed.

Democrats are already in panic mode over the 2020 election: Howard Schultz, the former Starbucks CEO, is contemplating running as "centrist independent," and liberals across the land seem terrified he'll end up a spoiler for their ambitions, handing the White House back to President Trump for a second term.

Their solution: Boycott Starbucks.

That's not a great idea.

Certainly, Schultz's candidacy isn't a great idea either — we'll get to that in a moment — and boycotts have a long, often honorable history in American politics, used by pre-Revolutionary tea drinkers and Civil Rights-era activists alike. Senator Marco Rubio's (R-Fla.) ongoing attempts to allow state and local governments to discriminate against Americans who boycott Israel disrespects both that tradition and the First Amendment of the Constitution.

And that’s kind of the reason why your boycott won’t work. Your place of business is about to become a Starbucks! Remember when I said that Starbucks is no stranger to boycotts? If you may remember from a few months ago, that conservatives tried to boycott Starbucks for this completely insane reason.

Ubiquitous, culturally-relevant, self-described “third-place” coffee giant Starbucks is in hot water again, this time for doing the right thing. In light of the company’s recent commitment to hire 10,000 refugees within five years in response to President Donald Trump’s disorganized and highly suspect immigration ban, Trump supporters are banding together to boycott Starbucks.

In his letter detailing the company’s plan to hire refugees, CEO Howard Schultz wrote that hiring plan was in response to Trump’s immigration policy. As CNBC notes, many angry people are suggesting that Starbucks should only hire Americans or American veterans instead. In fact, Starbucks has a long history of hiring veterans, supporting them with various internal programs and honoring/spotlighting veterans that are employees or store managers. Since 2013, the coffee company has hired over 8,000 veterans as part of its dedicated veterans’ program.


The last time Americans boycotted Starbucks, back in November 2016, it was because the company’s holiday cups weren’t “Christmas-y” enough. This most recent boycott smells a little bit like the protest that happened among a particularly vocal group of Trump fans last fall. When a Trump supporter felt he was waiting too long for his Starbucks order, he assumed it was because the barista was a Hillary Clinton supporter and launched into a tirade that was captured on video (and subsequently went viral). Trump fans came out to support their brethren by asking that baristas at Starbucks write “Trump” on their cups, thereby forcing staffers to yell out the President’s name when a drink order was ready. #TrumpCup became a trending hashtag for a few days after the incident, and Starbucks pocketed those sweet, sweet protest dollars.

Yeah so Starbucks ain’t scared of you. They’ve been through this thing a lot, especially since the conservative party went apeshit back in 2016. And by the way why is it always the democrats who are the angry ones? Or we’re enraged or insane? Because we don’t want another billionaire to be the president? I mean how well has that played out? Well hold off before you drop that latte and run to the nearest Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf because Mr. Schultz is only running if he sees “a viable path” and we all know running 3rd party is a guaranteed way into the presidency!

Former Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz may not decide on making a independent run for president until this summer or fall and will only be a candidate if he sees a plausible way to win the White House, an adviser said Tuesday.

Schultz’s announcement that he’d consider a 2020 bid outside of either party drew a furious reaction from Democrats, who warned that he’d draw votes from the party’s eventual nominee and assure the re-election of President Donald Trump.

"He 100 percent will only run if he sees a viable path. There’s no chance he gets in this race if there isn’t a path," Bill Burton, a former aide to President Barack Obama who recently joined Schultz’s political team, said in an interview Tuesday.

Burton said it may not be until "summer or fall" when Schultz makes a decision. By that point the frontrunners among the wide field of Democratic contenders may become clearer.

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[font size="8"]How Is This Still A Thing?
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It’s time once again to ask:

This week: Donald Trump’s Twitter Typos: How is this still a thing? When most people get angry, they pound a wall, break something, shoot a gun at a firing range, or take their frustrations out in ways that would not make them look foolish. But not President Trump. Instead, he prefers his favorite medium of venting his frustrations: the tweet. And because he’s the president of the United States, if he says something stupid, the entire world tends to take notice. And since the inauguration he’s said a lot of incredibly stupid things and misspelled a lot of words on Twitter.

When President Donald Trump isn’t busy tweeting about the Robert Mueller investigation with demands for a “major Counter Report,” he’s tweeting about his border wall — this time, with a major spelling error.

“Arizona, together with our Military and Border Patrol, is bracing for a massive surge at a NON-WALLED area,” the president tweeted last week. “WE WILL NOT LET THEM THROUGH. Big danger. Nancy and Chuck must approve Boarder Security and the Wall!”

Twitter quickly noticed Trump’s error — and became grammar police once again on Monday when the president misspelled “smoking” as “smocking” twice in the same missive.https://people.com/politics/president-trump-spelling-mistakes-typos-words/

And if you want to know the kind of reaction that a Trump twitter typo can draw, well, the reaction is that he gets mocked relentlessly. And he deserves it too. Because even his unsecured iPhone has this thing called “spell check” that can autocorrect your word after typing a couple of letters.

We all make typos, but, fairly or not, President Donald Trump's textual slipups draw more attention than most.

That is especially true when he stumbles writing about one of his defining political issues: border security. Or, as the president called it in a tweet on Monday, "Boarder Security."

"Anytime you hear a Democrat saying that you can have good Boarder Security without a Wall, write them off as just another politician following the party line," Trump tweeted. "Time for us to save billions of dollars a year and have, at the same time, far greater safety and control!"

Trump deleted the tweet and posted a new one with the correct spelling at about 11 a.m. EST. But USA TODAY saved a screenshot of the original "boarder" gaffe.

So… Boarder Security. Yeah that is a thing that happened. And here’s where we could list all of the ways that Trump has managed to screw up even the most basic vocabulary. But, sadly, we don’t have that kind of time. However, he won’t ever dare correct himself because he has some sort of bizarre egomaniacal pride about himself. Instead we’ll let someone else do it for you!

The first half of 2018 on Donald Trump's Twitter timeline has been full of confusion, anger, and a whole heap of presidential typos.

The news cycle has moved at a breakneck speed, and so has Trump's tendency to tweet — and then delete — tweets with typos. Even in the face of opposition from Congress and the potential violation of post-Watergate transparency laws.

That Trump and his social media team may be dropping these typos in on purpose is interesting because it's either a completely bizarre strategy or, if it's not true, the White House is just really that bad at spelling (which they've proven regardless of the tweets).

But not all typos are created equal. Some are understandable — what Twitter trolls among us has not confused "your" and "you're"? — while some are just inexplicable. And we've still got six months left of the year.

Here, then, with an assist from Factbase and the Trump Twitter Archive, are 12 of Trump's worst Twitter typos so far in 2018.

Because Trump doesn’t use auto correct, he can make lots of hippos. Typos, it’s typos!!! It’s scary to think that we went from “Ask not what your country can do for you…” to… “Democrats have a smocking gun!!!!”. Talk about a huge drop off in quality. So much that even his own analytics expert thinks that he’s doing it wrong.

In criticizing the ragged nature of President Trump’s written communications, John McWhorter at The Atlantic cites as an example a spelling that the president or someone on the White House staff got right: “commonsense,” the adjective, in the phrase “commonsense legislation.” The noun is “common sense.” When it modifies other nouns, you can either hyphenate it (“common-sense legislation”) or, in Germanic style, close it up. In this case, the closed-up style, “commonsense,” is neater and (my impression is) preferred in American publications edited at some level above the Mendoza line.

McWhorter argues that Trump’s writing shows “inadequate thought” and “not just inadequate manners or polish.” I’ll pass over the part about inadequate thought. Why that minimizing “just” to modify “manners”? They have a moral dimension. One reason we’re careful with words is that they have tonic and toxic effects on the soul. We can bless, and we can curse.

Sometimes words cause unintended harm by slipping away from us, like a fastball from a pitcher with poor control. All of us have been on both sides of that. In the course of a spirited conversation, you hear coming out of your mouth a word or phrase that could have unfortunate associations for your interlocutor. They evaded your awareness in the nanosecond between the formation of the thought you wanted to express and your choice of words to express it, and now it’s too late.

That is a good question. And in case you’re wondering how the biggest search engine data analytics handle Trump’s typos, well, it’s a chronic habit that is beginning to become a huge problem. So much that even Google and Yahoo don’t know how to handle it.

President Trump often takes to Twitter to announce public policy, changes to his Cabinet or bloviate on socio-economic issues. However, there are a number of times when the president misspells words on Twitter, which leads to huge spikes in searches for these misspellings and can often cause confusion.

"When we examined search data for misspelled words, comparing it to the dates of many of the president’s spelling gaffes, a pattern emerged," according to a Dictionary.com article, which highlights the president's abundant mistakes. "Each misspelling sparks a surge in searches on site, specifically searches for that exact configuration of letters, as Americans attempt to spellcheck both the president and themselves."

The first example cited is a tweet from Trump the day after his presidential inauguration in January 2017.

“I am honered to serve you, the great American People, as your 45th President of the United States," Trump wrote. The tweet was quickly deleted and corrected with the right spelling, but the misspelling led to a 3,850 percent surge in searchers for "honered" compared to the previous week.

The site noted that searches for "honer" also had a modest jump, at 1,271 percent.

Dictionary.com also mentioned Trump's March 2017 attack on the Obama administration for tapping his phones, a claim that was later refuted by the Department of Justice. There were reports that the FBI tapped the phones of former Trump campaign manager Paul Manafort, which some have said vindicated Trump's claim.

Trump's misspelling of the word "tap" led to a 46,300 percent increase in searches for "tapp" over the prior week.

And by the way speaking of English even fast food chains cant resist trolling Trump over some basic typos. Even when he treated the Clemson Tigers to that fast food Big Mac buffet and tweeted about it the day after, Burger King couldn’t resist a jab.

President Donald Trump first was criticized for serving fast food to the Clemson Tigers football team on Monday in the White House. But the real burn came from Burger King trolling President Trump for his typo, "hamberders." The fast food giant on Tuesday took to Twitter to poke fun at the commander in chief.

Trump tweeted that it was "great being with the National Champion Clemson Tigers last night at the White House" and that because of the shutdown, he served "massive amounts of Fast Food." Trump claimed he paid for over "1000 hamberders etc." — and there you can see the typo. "Within one hour, it was all gone," Trump continued. "Great guys and big eaters!"

Trump only left the post up for a few hours before he posted a corrected version, but that didn't stop Burger King from making a joke Tuesday. "due to a large order placed yesterday, we're all out of hamberders," Burger King posted to Twitter. "just serving hamburgers today."

And by the way even Trump’s son can’t help but misspell words. So you could say that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Though we suspect that the tree might be a stump at this point.

Donald Trump Jr., 41, was mocked for a pre-dawn tweet Thursday after he mistakenly referred to "Saturday Night Live" as "S&L," an acronym for savings and loans, rather than "SNL."

In the tweet, Trump Jr. quoted a Republican's take on the 2020 Democratic platform, describing it as "almost like a funny version of an S&L sketch."

But "Saturday Night Live" cast member Mikey Day's Trump Jr. impression will go to waste this weekend, just when the president's eldest son has given him a perfect excuse to suit up and slick back his hair. The show returns with a fresh episode on Feb. 9.

When you make one typo, you just make one typo. But when you make typos frequently and you’re the president of the United States, you might need to reeducate yourself on spelling. That’s enough to make you ask – Donald Trump’s Twitter Typos:

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[font size="8"]I Need A Drink
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Whew, there was a lot to unpack there. Oh well, I need a drink!

So you know the idea behind this is that we get drunk and talk about anything in the news as long as it doesn’t relate to politics. Because you know when you mix religion and politics, it doesn’t end well for you. Which is why we generally don’t encourage that. But instead we’re going to talk about a favorite topic of ours on this show – serial killers! And this entry is for the ladies, because really, what are you doing? Tell me bartender – what goes well with a documentary about Ted Bundy? Some fava beans and a nice chianti? Eh, I’ll stick with my usual Jack Daniels mixed with Jack Daniels. So last week Netflix premiered “Conversations With A Killer: The Ted Bundy Tapes”. And well, the dialogue that has come out about this movie isn’t about what a gruesome killer Ted Bundy was. Nope, and I’m sure Netflix didn’t plan for this either!

What's the deal with lusting over killers?
Ted Bundy is back on a lot of people's minds, with two projects on the serial killer in the news.
First up, Netflix is streaming "Conversations With a Killer: The Ted Bundy Tapes," a docuseries about the man who confessed to more than two dozen murders before he was eventually executed in 1989.

Meanwhile, a trailer for "Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil and Vile" recently dropped with former teen heartthrob Zac Efron as Bundy, and once again people were talking about the charismatic killer.

"I've seen a lot of talk about Ted Bundy's alleged hotness and would like to gently remind everyone that there are literally THOUSANDS of hot men on the service — almost all of whom are not convicted serial murderers," said a tweet Monday from Netflix's official account.

Um… I’ll take both! Ted Bundy is hot, yo! And that’s the scary thing. Serial killers aren’t hot. They’re serial killers. I mean did Dexter glamourize the world of serial killers? Yeah probably. Here’s the thing, Netflix, if you don’t want a serial killer to be seen as hot, maybe, I don’t know, don’t case a heartthrob like Zac Efron in the role! But maybe… just maybe they’re secretly loving this!

Netflix says it wants people to stop lusting after Ted Bundy, because that’s what it has to say. But make no mistake, the streaming service is loving all the memes and tweets about the infamous serial killer’s “hotness.”

Bundy, who raped and murdered dozens of young women in the 1970s, was caught in 1978, and executed in 1989, remains one of the world’s most studied serial killers. That’s in part because he looked and often acted (according to some that knew him) like a normal, well-adjusted person. Since his execution, Bundy has been analyzed in countless films, documentaries, books, and songs, as Americans still struggle to understand how a human being could be capable of such atrocities—especially one as classically handsome as Bundy.

So it was only a matter of time before Netflix, in its quest to be the only entertainment platform you’ll ever need, produced a documentary about Bundy. Last week, the streamer released Conversations with a Killer: The Ted Bundy Tapes, a four-part docu-series featuring never-before-heard audio of the killer discussing his crimes in the third person. (For years after his capture, Bundy maintained he was innocent, only confessing to the murders shortly before he was executed.) Joe Berlinger, the writer and director of the documentary, also directed the Bundy film Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil and Vile, which stars heartthrob Zac Efron as the vicious killer and premiered at the Sundance Film Festival this month.

And that’s exactly what I will do! And by the way here’s the thing ladies, you should realize that before you go sexualizing serial killers, be aware that it has consequences. And Netflix, before you go scolding viewers for sexualizing serial killers, you should aware that this is a feature of modern society, not a bug!

You may have noticed that the internet has recently developed a bit of a crush on Ted Bundy—Ted Bundy, as in, one of the world's most notorious serial killers. First Netflix released a documentary, Conversations with a Killer: The Ted Bundy Tapes, that's chock-full of archival footage and audio recordings made while Ted was on death row. Netflix had to literally ask viewers to stop calling Bundy hot. Then a new trailer dropped for the upcoming Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil and Vile, which stars Zac Efron, one of the most handsome men to ever grace this Earth.

In other words, Ted Bundy is having a moment. A big moment. And here's why that's f*cked up.

Attraction to the real Ted Bundy started long before the biopics, of course. Back in the days of his trial, hordes of groupies sent him love letters until the day he died. When asked why they did it, these women typically fell into two categories: they either believed someone that handsome couldn’t possibly commit such disgusting crimes, or plainly, they couldn’t articulate why they were so enamored.

It's called Hybristophilia. Think about it like this: Society teaches women to "fix" men, and to provide rehabilitation (and patience! and kindness!) for the very worst ones. Groupie culture around serial killers is pretty much an amped-up version of this relatively commonplace psyche. RJ Parker, in his book Serial Killer Groupies, chalks it up to women's nurturing instincts and a genuine belief that they can change their targeted serial killer through love. Heavy.

Yes and if you think you can “fix” a serial killer, just take Dexter’s advice. Ted Bundy was a complete monster. But then again lost in the conversation of whether or not Ted Bundy was hot is the fact that Netflix, in their infinite quest to prove that they can and will sign anything, paid a ton of money to make Ted Bundy great again!

Maybe you just got finished with Netflix's four-part Ted Bundy docuseries Conversations with a Killer: The Ted Bundy Tapes and thought to yourself, "What else can I watch about this fuckin' guy?" Then you searched the rest of the service and found yourself SOL.

According to The Hollywood Reporter, that will no longer be the case for true crime buffs, provided you can show a little patience. The streaming giant has apparently edged out STX and Lionsgate and is closing in on a $9 million deal that would give them the U.S. rights (and some international rights) to the Bundy biopic starring Zac Efron. Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil and Vile centers around Bundy's crimes via the viewpoint of his longtime girlfriend Elizabeth Kloepfer, who in the film refuses to believe he's guilty despite numerous signs pointing in that direction.

For those wondering how Efron and Extremely Wicked fared with critics at the Sundance Festival, here's a roundup, but the (near) consenus seems to be that Efron is great and the overall film isn't. "I think [Efron’s] startlingly good: controlled, magnetic, audacious, committed, and eerily right," Variety's Owen Gleiberman wrote. He went on to say, "Ted is a kind of actor, a maniac playing a role, yet doing it with such sincerity and flair that it’s not just a role. It’s the person a part of him wants to be."

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[font size="8"]Deep State Diaries Episode 28: The DEA
[br] [/font]

It’s time for episode 28 of Deep State Diaries. Yes we’re touring the 24 branches and services that make up the United States government. Everything from the FBI to the IRS to the Pentagon to the CIA to the DPW to the DVA to parks and recreation and all branches and services in between. Of course if you’re here you probably already know more about our government and how it works than your average Fox News loving Trump supporter does. So that’s what this segment is going to address. We are going to do a deep dive into all that makes the United States the United States. Because we here at the Top 10 love to educate as well as entertain. Because we care.

[font size="6"]The Drug Enforcement Agency[/font]

This week we’re hanging out with the Drug Enforcement Agency or the DEA! So this department was created back in the 1970s by then president Richard Nixon. You might remember the DEA best as the employer of Walter White’s brother in law Hank Schrader from one of the all time great TV series, Breaking Bad. But what does the DEA actually do? Besides enforce drugs, the DEA stops the illegal flow of drugs over the border and through our customs departments. But to use the slippery slope – with drugs comes crime and with crime comes, well, more crime. And there’s plenty of reasons why we need an agency like the DEA, even though we just covered the ATF last week. You know, things like crystal meth.

The amount of methamphetamine seized in New Jersey and tested by federal authorities skyrocketed by more than 5,000 percent over the course of just a couple years.

Data released in February by the Drug Enforcement Administration, based on reports from law enforcement, show the highly addictive drug is commonly being found in the southern and far western regions of New Jersey. It's still considered the "drug of choice" in some of the state's more rural areas.

"Somebody, if they were looking for meth, they wouldn't have a difficult time finding somebody to get it from," said Timothy McMahon, special agent with the DEA's New Jersey Division.

The substance, known to produce heightened senses of alertness and euphoria, as well as increase a user's heart rate and body temperature, can come in pill, liquid, and crystal form, the DEA said. Long-term abuse can lead to tremors, hypertension, memory loss, hallucinations, psychotic episodes, violent behavior and other side effects.

We know you’re Heisenberg. So meth and crystal meth are nothing to joke about even though they were the subject of one of the most awesome TV series of all time. And if you haven’t seen Breaking Bad then get off your ass already! But in addition to meth there’s also the ever-scary black market that you need to worry about!

Black market prescription drugs are showing their ugly heads right here in San Antonio. The Drug Enforcement Administration or DEA tells us that many of those buying the black market pills are everyday people who became addicted after an injury.

"A black market created usually by injury or surgeries.... a black market for prescription meds sold by the pill but can be a deadly purchase if mixed with other drugs," said Dante Sorianello, DEA agent.

Little pills causing big problems. The black market for prescription meds is fed by stolen pills, stolen prescription scripts, people who need to make a quick buck and sell their own prescription medications.

"Maybe a physician who is over prescribing to somebody and then getting some sort of kickback from that, that's probably a little bit more of the rare-er of a physician getting a kickback from over-prescribing," said Sorianello.

Whoa whoa whoa! Settle down there! And by the way with the entire country making a huge shift in policies regarding marijuana and its’ many uses, how is the DEA handling which farms are allowed to grow and distribute and which ones aren’t? That’s going to be a very sticky icky situation for the DEA moving forward.

A task force led by DEA Agents conducted a number raids Thursday on a large number of suspected illegal marijuana grows in the Denver Metro.

Two of them took place in Sean Lykins neighborhood in Brighton.

Lykins said, “I just heard a loud speaker telling the house next door to me the people to come out and then I saw a bunch of SWAT officers at the door."

Surveillance video captured DEA agents arriving and raiding a home said to be illegally growing marijuana.

Lykins and his family was leaving their home when they were frightened by the sound of fleas grenades.

Yes get your Tegridy brand weed right here! Fresh home grown! Now with such a department one wonders how they are able to keep all their agents in check? Well, there’s good cops, bad cops, and even worse cops. These guys might fall into the even worse cops category, so Uncle Hank could have been just as crooked as the criminals he caught!

A U.S. federal narcotics agent known for his expensive tastes and high-profile drug seizures has been implicated in a multimillion-dollar money-laundering conspiracy that involved the very cartel criminals he was charged with fighting in Colombia.

A once standout Drug Enforcement Administration agent, Jose Irizarry is accused of conspiring with a longtime DEA informant to launder more than $7 million in illicit drug proceeds, sometimes using an underground network known as the black-market peso exchange, according to five current and former law enforcement officials.

The officials described the case as one of the biggest black eyes in the history of the DEA, an agency that has seen repeated scandals in recent years, and one they fear could have compromised undercover operations in the U.S. and South America.

The conspiracy not only allegedly enriched Irizarry but is believed to have benefited one of South America’s top money launderers, who is a relative of Irizarry’s Colombian wife, said the officials, who spoke to The Associated Press on the condition of anonymity because they were not authorized to discuss the federal investigation.

[font size="6"]Score Card [/font]

Overall importance: B-
How Things Are Going: B
Likely hood To Survive: B+

Overall: B-

[font size="6"]Next Week [/font]

Next week we’re going to visit a very important position in the cabinet by visiting the Department Of Housing & Urban Development, or the HUD!

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8”]Weezer =//= [/font]

Returning to the Top 10, one of our favorite guests. They have not one, but two albums out this year – the Teal Album out now and the Black Album out March 1st! you can see them on tour with the Pixies through March and April. Playing their song “Africa”, give it up for the one, the only Weezer!!

Thank you Podfest LA! This was fun! We’re off to Oxnard next! See you next week!


Host: Initech
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of Live Audience At: Anaheim Convention Center, Anaheim, CA
Special Thanks To: Podfest LA
Holy Shit Gospel Choir: UC Irvine Choir Club, Irvine, CA
Images: All images copyright belongs to respective copyright holders.
Videos: All videos copyright belongs to respective copyright holders
Articles: All article content copyright belongs to respective copyright holders
Writing: Top 10 Writing Department
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Research: Top 10 Research Department
Lighting & Stage Props: Top 10 Lighting Department
Legal: Top 10 Legal Department
Advertising: Top 10 Advertising Department
HR: Top 10 Human Resources Department
Initech’s Wardrobe Provided By: JAB Inc.
Wheel Of Corruption By: Studio 1 Stage Props, Burbank, CA
Weezer Appear Courtesy Of: Atlantic Records
Management: Initech Productions, CCC Management
Follow The Top 10 On Twitter at: @10Idiots
Questions? Comments? Complaints? Hate mail? E-mail The Top 10 at: Top10ConIdiots@gmail.com

Initech Productions: Yes, We Got The Memo

Posted by Top 10 Idiots | Wed Feb 6, 2019, 05:00 PM (6 replies)

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #6-4: Wheel Of Corruption: The Crimes Of Grindlewald Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #6-4: Wheel Of Corruption: The Crimes Of Grindlewald Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots!! You don’t have to pay $1 to join our subscription service because we don’t have one, but we’ll gladly take your $1! What’s up Salt Lake City??? Yeah how are you guys doing? Are you doing good? See it’s hard to get alcohol here so that’s why we’re doing these shows here, you know, for the booze. And also you guys our loyal audience who sold us out! But I know we're in Mormon country here so I won't make fun except for the subtle jabs we might take during the duration of this week's Top 10. Do we have time for the thing? You know my theory that commercials and advertising ruin everything. So Skittles, what the fuck are you doing? First you have the obnoxious and gross Skittles-pox advertisement where Skittles grow on this dude’s face. Now, they’re taking the whole concept of advertising to a completely insane level. Look, I already avoid ads 99% of the time (although maybe I would have a bigger audience if I didn’t) and I will definitely be avoiding this one. So they’re taking the concept of advertising to Broadway for the Super Bowl. Starring Michael C. Hall! That’s right – they got an Emmy and Tony winning actor who is obviously way beyond starring in a commercial, to star in this thing, which we really, seriously, hope doesn’t become a trend! Which brings me to the Big Lebowski and why I think commercials ruin everything. So apparently the Dude is now a pitchman for Stella Artois. Yes, all that hype last week about the Dude possibly returning? Nope it ain’t for a Big Lebowski sequel, it’s for a god damn advertisement for the Belgian Budweiser. Fuck!!! Way to ruin one of my favorite movies of all time, In Bev. See why I think commercials ruin everything? By the way, be sure to click on the ads on the side of this page! OK that’s enough of the intro, we have a lot of idiocy to get to, but first we have to play Pete Davidson’s review of the Clint Eastwood flick “The Mule” because it’s pretty spectacular:

Hey everybody the Wheel Of Corruption is back!!! And… We got him everybody! In the number one slot this week is obviously Roger Stone (1), Trump’s longtime collider, professional Hillary hater, and guy who had his tin foil hat surgically attached to his head is going to prison! He can share a cell with Trump’s former attorney Michael Cohen. In the second slot is the guy who we currently call president and that’s Donald J. Trump (2), and his office is working overtime to do some major damage control in the wake of the latest witch to be hunted! In the number 3 slot this week is also Donald J. Trump (3) and his insanely evil transgender military ban is going to be taking place, and well, it’s going to affect a whole lot of people and very badly. For the fourth slot this week, we have a new edition of “NO!” (4) and the fallout from the Indigenous People’s Rally in Washington, DC last week is having some major consequences for Covington Catholic and the MAGA hat wearing kids, who not surprisingly, were being racist shitheads in public. Taking the #5 seed this week is of course our weekly investigative piece Top 10 Investigates, and this week, after the botched call in the NFC Championship game between the New Orleans Saints and the Los Angeles Rams, we’re going to do a deep dive into the world of bad sports officiating! At number 6 of course is our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in “Holy Shit” (6) and this week, our resident pastor is very troubled that the Doomsday Clock is stuck at 2 minutes to midnight and we will examine all the sides to this apocalyptic event. Taking the seventh slot this week, we’re going to bring back an old Top 10 feature and open up the Top 10 Movie Vault to talk some movies. Specifically, the extremely controversial Michael Jackson documentary “Leaving Neverland” and well when this premiers at Sundance, expect the shit to hit the fan! For the number 8 slot, is a new installment of our favorite segment “How Is This Still A Thing”. And this week, after yet another controversy and losing sponsors left and right, we’re going to ask “The Laura Ingraham Show: How is this still a thing?” (8). In the number 9 (NEIN!!!!) slot this week we have a brand new People Are Dumb, because of course People Are Dumb. Finally this week, we have the next installment of our ongoing series that explains how government works to conspiracy theorists, Deep State Diaries, is going to be hanging out with the Bureau Of Alcohol, Tobacco, And Firearms! Plus we have some live music for you from Greta Van Fleet! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]Roger Stone
[br] [/font]

Hey everyone say it with me: It’s time for the WHEEL OF CORRUPTION! YAY!!!!!

Of course you know the rules by now – I spin the wheel and we have to talk about whatever it lands on. Of course if it lands on the guacamole option, you know that it costs $1.50 extra. So here’s what is on the wheel this week:

- Guns
- Abortion
- Crime
- Poverty
- Election Theft
- Buy A Vowel
- Clip Without Context
- Greed
- Spying
- Food
- Elections
- Donald Trump
- Clip Without Context
- Chance
- 5,000
- Bankrupt
- Community Chest
- Donald Trump
- A Random Tweet
- Something Random In The News
- ‘Merica!
- Golf
- 10,000
- Morally Bankrupt
- Guacamole
- Clip Without Context
- Talk Shows
- Holy Shit
- Beating A Dead Horse
- This Fucking Guy
- How Is This Still A Thing?
- Harry Potter
- 15,000
- People Are Dumb
- Donald Trump
- I Need A Drink
- Infowars
- T-Shirt Cannon
- Lightning Round
- Bonus Spin

Let’s get this shit going! Spin that shit! Come on no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy… stop! What? Go directly to jail? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Shit, just my luck. Go to jail on the first spin! Spin it again… and it lands on… crime! Number one this week is pretty obvious if you’re not living under a rock or have your tin foil hat surgically attached to your forehead and that is that Nixon lover Roger Stone got a taste of what his favorite president went through right up until his resignation. But this arrest revealed some things about this guy that are well, very revealing about the mysterious man that is Roger Stone. So what happened exactly?

The special counsel, Robert S. Mueller III, revealed on Friday the most direct link yet between parallel efforts by the Trump campaign and WikiLeaks to damage Hillary Clinton during the 2016 election using Democratic Party material stolen by Russians.

A top Trump campaign official dispatched Roger J. Stone Jr., a longtime adviser to President Trump, to get information from WikiLeaks about the thousands of hacked Democratic emails, according to an indictment. The effort began weeks after Democratic officials publicly accused Russian intelligence operatives of the theft, which was part of Moscow’s broad campaign to sabotage the 2016 presidential race.

The indictment made no mention of whether Mr. Trump played a role in the coordination, though Mr. Mueller did leave a curious clue about how high in the campaign the effort reached: A senior campaign official “was directed” by an unnamed person to contact Mr. Stone about additional WikiLeaks releases that might damage the Clinton campaign, according to the court document.

In an indictment filled with colorful details about clandestine meetings, angry texts — even a reference to “The Godfather: Part II” — Mr. Stone was charged with seven counts, including obstruction, making false statements and witness tampering. Mr. Mueller did not say that Mr. Stone’s interactions with WikiLeaks were illegal, nor that the Trump campaign engaged in a criminal conspiracy with the organization.

Whew!!!!!! Man I’ve been waiting all week to use that one! So yes, we got him all right! Maybe Roger can share a cell with Michael Cohen and they can trade conspiracy theories behind bars. And by the way you know that Mueller has implicated an “Individual 1” in the Trump Tower investigation, but now we have an “Organization 1”. That’s right – it wasn’t just an individual! It was an entire organization, because, you know, a coup doesn’t happen with just one person.

Footage of armed FBI agents storming Roger Stone's Fort Lauderdale, Florida, home was dramatic. But the real drama was in the 24-page indictment filed by special counsel Robert Mueller. Beyond Stone's shocking text messages detailed in the court document, one sentence really jumps out. It appears innocuous at first, buried on Page 4. But it raises questions that could potentially lead to evidence of collusion and embroil President Donald Trump himself.

Here's the sentence: "After the July 22, 2016 release of stolen DNC emails by Organization 1, a senior Trump Campaign official was directed to contact STONE about any additional releases and what other damaging information Organization 1 had regarding the Clinton Campaign."

There's a lot to unpack here, but the key phrase is this -- "a senior Trump Campaign official was directed to contact STONE about any additional releases."

The question isn't which senior Trump official contacted Stone, but who directed this person to do so. The only logical possibilities could fit in a phone booth. It's conceivable that the only people senior officials would take that kind of direction from would be either Trump or Paul Manafort, his campaign chairman at the time.

Yes, can I get some reverb please? WHO IS THE MYSTERY TRUMP ADMINISTRATION OFFICIAL? Ooh man that was some good reverb there. We will definitely keep an eye on this story but this might be one of the strangest parts of Stone’s arrest. He revealed his love of a certain president and one that was reviled for being a crook. Can we show that tattoo on his back?

Yeah what the fuck is up with that tattoo? Let’s find out more!

Roger Stone, President Donald Trump's associate who was arrested Friday morning, is a self-proclaimed king of political tricks with a love of vintage suits and conspiracy theories.

A Florida home of the 66-year-old veteran political consultant was surrounded by about a dozen heavily-armed FBI agents who arrested him with a surprise warrant, as seen in a CNN video. Stone has long denied claims that he had inappropriate contact with Russian intelligence during the 2016 electi, but now faces formal charges of lying to investigators.

Here are a few things you might not know about the self-proclaimed "dirty trickster" who loves the limelight:

Stone has a portrait of a smiling Richard Nixon tattooed on his upper back, below his neck. Stone got the tattoo at a shop in Venice Beach in California and told The New Yorker that “women love it." In Nixon's later years, Stone organized a series of media lunches at the former president's New Jersey home, The New Yorker reported with photos of a shirtless Stone.

"The reason I’m a Nixonite is because of his indestructibility and resilience,” Stone said in the interview. “He never quit."

Except for that part where he literally did quit! We may have to do a deep dive into that Netflix documentary for next week. And in case you’re wondering if this could possibly get any weirder, it devolved into Nixon territory when Roger Stone imitated his idol when taking the perp walk – and by the way the funny thing is that it was dismissed by the Nixon Foundation:

On the day of his indictment by special counsel Robert Mueller, former Donald Trump adviser Roger Stone seems to have lost the support of one of his greatest heroes, former President Richard Nixon -- or at least Nixon's foundation.

The Nixon Foundation sought to distance itself Friday from Stone after the political provocateur emerged from a Florida federal courthouse flashing the signature double V hand signal, usually used to symbolize "victory" or "peace," that Nixon made when he departed the White House after his resignation. Stone, who has a tattoo of the former president on his back, has long cited Nixon as a key political icon and influence.

"This morning's widely-circulated characterization of Roger Stone as a Nixon campaign aide or adviser is a gross misstatement. Mr. Stone was 16 years old during the Nixon presidential campaign of 1968 and 20 years old during the reelection campaign of 1972," the Nixon Foundation tweeted.

The foundation added, "Mr. Stone, during his time as a student at George Washington University, was a junior scheduler on the Nixon reelection committee. Mr. Stone was not a campaign aide or adviser. Nowhere in the Presidential Daily Diaries from 1972 to 1974 does the name 'Roger Stone' appear."

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
[br] [/font]

I’m out! Let’s spin it to win it! And it lands on… wait for it… oh hey it’s another clip without context!

We do? That’s news to me! But projection is what the republicans do best, so maybe they are the ones who hate themselves? All right, spin it again! And it lands on… Donald Trump. OK the shutdown is over everybody!!! Yeah!!!!! Well, at least for the next 3 weeks, get your paychecks while you can! The damage has been done though. So much that there’s been numerous proposals on how to end future shutdowns that one might be seen as an abuse of power. Yes, the keyword there is “might”. But the plan we’re going to talk about is the one proposed by Democratic Senator Mark Warner called the “Stop Stupidity Act”.

As the partial government shutdown continued through its thirty-second day on Tuesday, Senator Mark Warner (D-Va.) introduced a bill that would keep the government running during any future lapse of funding, but cut pay for lawmakers.

Warner, whose constituents include about 64,000 employees currently without pay in Virginia, titled his legislation the Stop STUPIDITY (Shutdowns Transferring Unnecessary Pain and Inflicting Damage In The Coming Years) Act.

“The Stop STUPIDITY Act takes the aggressive but necessary step of forcing the President and Congress to do the jobs they were elected to do,” said Sen. Warner. “It is disturbing that the daily lives of hundreds of thousands of workers are at the mercy of dysfunction in Washington. Workers, business owners and tax payers are currently paying the price of D.C. gridlock and my legislation will put an end to that.”

You can find the full bill here. It sets up a system to automatically renew government funding at the same levels as the previous fiscal year, with adjustments for inflation, unless legislators pass an appropriations bill setting the amounts differently.

Yes that’s exactly what this bill aims to do – stop people from acting so stupid, mainly the president of the United States. The government works for the people, not for partisan politics. But the Stop Stupidity Act isn’t the only one being proposed. In fact this latest shutdown has prompted a lot of proposals aimed at preventing future shutdowns.

The U.S. government is back in business, and some U.S. lawmakers want to prevent it from shutting down ever again.

After suffering a record-smashing 35-day shutdown, legislators are heading back to Capitol Hill with new energy for a longstanding effort to ban the option of shutting down the government. After a shutdown that denied federal workers two paychecks, members of both parties are realizing that shutdowns rarely produce positive outcomes for anyone.

Senators Rob Portman (R-Ohio) and Mark Warner (D-Va.) each introduced a bill to prevent shutdowns in the future. Portman’s, which has 18 co-sponsors, would continue funding the government at current levels if Congress failed to reach a funding agreement, but funding would decline by 1% after 120 days and then each subsequent 90 days if no deal were reached.

Warner’s, called the Stop Shutdowns Transferring Unnecessary Pain and Inflicting Damage in the Coming Years, or “Stop Stupidity Act,” would maintain funding for all aspects of government except for the White House and legislative branch. Explaining his reasoning on the Senate floor, Warner said, “common sense tells me that we wouldn’t be here 35 days into this shutdown if all our staffs were experiencing the same kind of shortfall and economic distress that 800,000 of our fellow federal workers experienced.”

Yes we’re closed but hopefully this is the last time! Don’t make me turn this show around! And in fact this bill is gaining traction, but will Trump himself sign it? It is gaining traction and even Chuck Schumer is backing the bill. But if you’re not shocked at all that Trump probably won’t sign the bill, well, you’re not wrong. And if you’re shocked he won’t, you’re in the wrong place!

Senate Republicans, led by Sen. Rob Portman (R-Ohio), have also introduced similar legislation, the End Government Shutdowns Act.

The Democratic leader's embrace of the bill came hours after White House acting chief of staff Mick Mulvaney said on CBS's "Face the Nation" that President Trump is willing to shut down the government again in three weeks should lawmakers not come to a satisfactory agreement on border security funding.

The president on Friday signed a bill to fund the government for three weeks, ending a partial government shutdown that had lasted 35 days. The measure did not include money for a wall along the southern border, but provided the opportunity for a bipartisan conference of lawmakers to negotiate border security funding.

Trump said in an interview published Sunday with The Wall Street Journal that he views the chances of a potential deal among lawmakers as "less than 50-50."

Yes, fix it fix it fix it fix it fix it fix it fix it fix it!!!! Last thing we need is a shutdown over a campaign promise that was completely asinine and in no way, shape or form will work. So how do you get both sides to work on something that one side started, one side owns, and somehow managed to convince their base to blame the other side for it? You know what? Lets’ play that clip first.

Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! So what do they have?

Senator Richard Blumenthal laid out his priorities before he got on a flight to Washington this morning. First, he wants to get workers their back pay. Second, work on a border security deal with republicans. Third, try to keep those workers from losing their paychecks in any future government shutdowns on Monday.

"We thank you," Blumenthal told workers at Bradley International Airport Monday. "All of America should thank you."

Blumenthal went to Bradley to thank federal workers who kept showing up every day, despite not getting a paycheck.

"35 days without pay, working on the job, is a disgrace," Blumenthal said.

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
[br] [/font]

Let’s spin it to win it! And it lands on… wait for it… A Random Tweet!!!!


Sadly that's probably the only thing Fox & Friends has said in the last 3 years that could be considered true! Spin it again! And it lands on… Morally Bankrupt! Well there’s only one person in this story that’s morally bankrupt and that’s Donald J. Trump. Yeah last week Trump’s shockingly evil, completely immoral, and extremely unconstitutional transgender military ban went into effect. So just how evil is it and who is affected by this? Well it could mean a whole lot of people!

The Supreme Court allowed President Donald Trump's transgender military ban to go into effect on Tuesday, dealing a blow to LGBT activists who call the ban cruel and irrational.
In an unsigned 5-4 order, the justices took no stance on the legality of the ban, first proposed in a surprise tweet by Trump in 2017, but Tuesday's action clears the way for it to take effect while lower courts hear additional arguments.

The four liberal justices objected to allowing the administration's policy banning most transgender people from serving in the military to go into effect.

The policy, first announced by the President in July 2017 via Twitter, and later officially released by then-Secretary of Defense James Mattis in 2018, blocks individuals who have been diagnosed with a condition known as gender dysphoria from serving with limited exceptions. It also specifies that individuals without the condition can serve, but only if they do so according to the sex they were assigned at birth.

In a statement released after the Supreme Court action, the Pentagon sought to clarify that its policy is not a ban on all transgender persons from the military.

Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! So with that, SCOTUS sides with religious bigotry over the first amenedment. So Brett Kavanaugh’s boofing paid off. How much worse could it get? I mean in the words of Clark Griswold: “Take a look around you! We’re in the threshold of hell!”!

The Supreme Court on Tuesday granted the Trump administration’s request to allow it to bar most transgender people from serving in the military while cases challenging the policy make their way to the court.

The administration’s policy reversed a 2016 decision by the Obama administration to open the military to transgender service members. It generally prohibits transgender people from military service but makes exceptions for those already serving openly and those willing to serve “in their biological sex.”

The vote to lift two injunctions blocking the policy issued by lower courts was 5 to 4, with the Supreme Court’s five conservative members in the majority.

Lawyers questioning the new policy said there was no need to enforce it while the cases challenging it moved forward.

Argh I hate this administration and everything involved. There’s not a lot funny about this - it’s mean and horrible and cruel, and a whole lot of people are about to be displaced because of this. But I guess that was their evil plan all along wasn’t it? I mean really the only thing missing from Trump is a monocle, a top hat, and a furry cat sitting in his lap. Although it’s not over by a long shot and we need to keep Ruth Bader Ginsburg alive for as long as possible!

On Tuesday, by a 5–4 vote, the Supreme Court lifted two injunctions blocking President Donald Trump’s ban on open transgender military service. The move bodes poorly for transgender plaintiffs challenging the policy, indicating that the court’s conservative majority will eventually declare the ban to be constitutional. But it does not allow the Pentagon to begin enforcing the new rules. For now, another nationwide injunction remains in place—though it seems quite likely that it will soon be lifted, as well.

The Obama administration began allowing open transgender military service in June 2016 after the Pentagon concluded that it would have no detrimental effects. In July 2017, Trump attempted to ban all trans people from the armed forces via Twitter. A month later, he directed then–Secretary of Defense James Mattis to craft an implementation plan for the ban. Within months, four federal courts blocked the policy, concluding it was arbitrary, unwarranted, and a denial of equal protection.

In March 2018, the Trump administration released its plan to execute the ban. Crafted with the aid of anti-LGBTQ advocates, the new scheme attempted to avoid constitutional flaws by grandfathering in those trans troops already serving openly. Moreover, it did not explicitly target transgender people, but instead excluded those who experience ongoing gender dysphoria, or “who require or have undergone gender transition.”

Yes, boo this whole administration. This is downright appalling. But what do actual trans veterans think of this atrocity? Well, why don’t we ask them?

The Supreme Court allowed President Trump’s ban on transgender individuals from serving in the military to go into effect Tuesday morning, ostracizing thousands of active service members and sparking another divisive controversy in American politics.

There are an estimated 150,000 transgender United States veterans, according to a UCLA Williams Institute report, many of whom were forced to closet both their sexuality and gender identity or face threat of being discharged from the U.S. military during the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy era.

On Tuesday afternoon, Rolling Stone spoke with Evan Young, a retired army officer who was one of the thousands of transgender veterans who had to hide their identity and sexuality in order to still serve in the military – even once facing an investigation for being a lesbian prior to transitioning. “It was so hard,” Young says. The 14-year military veteran, who’s now the president of the Transgender American Veterans Association after retiring from service in 2013, spoke over the phone about his reaction to the court’s decision to allow the ban to go into effect, the impact serving in the military while closeting your identity has on both units and individuals and what this ruling means for the future of the U.S. military and the LGBTQ community nationwide.

What was your initial response to the Supreme Court’s decision Tuesday morning?
Furious. This was an issue that Trump made. [Barack] Obama opened service for transgender military members and they’ve been serving for two years now with no issues. We’re currently deployed in every single combat zone that’s out there. We serve with honor and we’re patriotic. We give our lives for this country, yet they’re saying we can’t serve and it’s beyond my comprehension why, besides discrimination.

What does this mean for the LGBTQ community to be told their service is not wanted by the president and by the Supreme Court?
It’s devastating, because we have good men and women who want to serve their country and are not allowed to. We have skills that the government has invested so much money and training folks for whatever job they had – whether it’s a pilot or a public affairs officer, a medical officer – there are so many jobs that we serve in and that’s a lot of people that you lose.

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[font size="8"]NO!!!!!
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Let’s give the wheel a good strong spin shall we? Oh and hey it’s a clip without context!

I can’t even with these idiots sometimes. What does Chris Jericho have to do with anything other than his last name is Jericho? WTF! Spin it again!

That’s right. NO!. You know last week we had dueling marches in Washington, DC – there of course was conservative Christians marching to take away women’s reproductive rights by overturning the Supreme Court’s always controversial Roe V Wade decision. And then there was the Indigenous People’s March – held in the National Mall on the same day – looking to give America’s often neglected Native Americans a voice on Capitol Hill. And then there was one church from Kentucky that attended both marches, and is getting a lot of extremely negative press for how they behaved in the latter march. We covered this last week, but now the victim blaming has begun!

Gov. Matt Bevin went on TV on Tuesday night to voice his opinion on the confrontation between a group of Kentucky students and a Native American man.

On Tucker Carlson Tonight on Fox News, Bevin blamed the media for the backlash against students.

"I find it offensive that people have insulted these students as they did," Bevin told Carlson. "Could they, themselves, in every instance, perhaps behaved more gentlemenly? Probably so. But as someone who has a 20-year-old and a 16-year-old to boot, I can tell you: Sometimes, teenagers act silly and goofy and irresponsible. But these children acted far more responsible during the course of that 20-minute interaction or so than any of the adults that were involved."

Bevin's comments come after video surfaced of an encounter between Covington Catholic High School students and Native Americans in Washington, D.C., over the weekend.

Many claim the Native Americans were intimidated by the teenagers. But, others say the teenagers are being targeted for wearing "Make America Great Again" hats.

Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! That’s right – according to Kentucky’s governor, these kids aren’t to blame for their nasty behavior, it’s that damn violent leftist media’s fault! Gee, some kids wearing MAGA hats turned out to be racist shitheads and were called out for their behavior? I’m shocked, shocked I tell you! And by the way even Stormy Daniels called them out. You know it’s bad when you get called out for inappropriate behavior by a stripper!

The adult film star Stormy Daniels is suggesting building a wall — around the Catholic high school in Kentucky whose students surrounded and mocked Native Americans during a march in Washington, D.C.

Daniels weighed in Saturday on the incident involving Covington Catholic High students after video surfaced showing a young man in a "Make America Great Again" cap trying to intimidate a Native American elder. Dozens of Covington students can be seen jeering and chanting along.

"I'm suddenly in favor of building a wall...around Covington Catholic High in KY," wrote Daniels, legally known as Stephanie Clifford, on Twitter. "And let's electrify it to keep those disgusting punks from getting loose and creating more vileness in society."

Daniels is known for her legal dispute with President Donald Trump and his attorney Michael Cohen over alleged hush money paid to silence Daniels about an affair she said she had with Trump in 2006.

The school and the Roman Catholic Diocese of Covington condemned the actions of the students against the man, Nathan Phillips, on Saturday afternoon after millions of people viewed videos of incident, many expressing their outrage on social media.

And the other thing people - fucking stop with the death threats already! Don’t you see that threatening death only makes you the asshole? Yeah these guys were racist MAGA shitheads, let’s kill them and send a pipe bomb to their church! Hey, my barista didn’t give me enough ice in my iced latte! She should die a horrible death! See how it doesn’t work that way? Neither does this!

Covington Catholic High School decided to cancel classes on Tuesday after a weekend of controversy following a viral video featuring some of its students.

Principal Robert Rowe told WXIX that school officials met with local authorities and decided to cancel school and close the building on Tuesday to ensure that students, faculty and staff would be safe. Rowe added that all campus activities were cancelled for during the day on Tuesday, as well as, the evening.

“Students, parents, faculty and staff are not to be on campus for any reason,” Rowe said in a letter. “Please continue to keep the Covington Catholic Community in your prayers.”

The Park Hills, Kentucky, school’s decision to close on Tuesday followed the publishing of a video of a student wearing a “Make America Great Again” hat standing in front of a Native American elder. The students were in Washington, D.C., for the annual anti-abortion rally, the March for Life, and were waiting for their busses at the Lincoln Memorial.

On Saturday, a video clip of a confrontation between a Native American elder, identified as Nathan Phillips, and a high school student, identified as Nick Sandmann, was published on several social media sites. Many of the students were wearing attire supporting President Donald Trump, prompting prominent people on social media to label the students as racist and bigoted.

That is a good question, Mr. Harvey! But while so much attention is being paid to what happened at the latter march, let’s not make light of why they were there in the first place!

The itinerary for most school field trips to Washington, D.C., is usually as busy as it is predictable: See some monuments on the National Mall, check out the Smithsonian museums and don’t miss the bus to the next stop.

But trips to the annual March for Life are different.

They're not typically as different as Covington Catholic High School’s visit last week, which ended with the Park Hills, Kentucky, school and its students embroiled in a made-for-Twitter political firestorm, but still unlike the sight-seeing excursions kids sign up for at most schools.

The March for Life trips are built around student activism at a single event about a single issue on a single day in Washington. Catholic schools, where students are taught abortion is an intrinsic evil, have been organizing excursions to the anti-abortion marches for years.

This has never been just another field trip for the students or their parent chaperones, and abortion has never been just another issue in America’s culture wars.


That’s right – they were there to take away a women’s right to reproductive freedom! And you might be wondering where the MAGA in chief is and what he thinks about this? Well, they’re just his kind of people and he’ll probably treat them to a big fast food buffet at the White House.

After taking to Twitter to support them, President Donald Trump may meet with Covington Catholic students at the White House as soon as the government shutdown ends, according to reports.

The possible meeting was first reported Tuesday morning by Fox News host Laura Ingraham, who tweeted that Covington Catholic students "threatened by the leftist internet mob" will meet with Trump at the White House as early as Wednesday.

However, Ingraham tweeted about an hour later that the White House "seems to be in flux" regarding a meeting with Covington Catholic students who were in Washington, D.C., on Friday for the March for Life.

"Announced any meeting would happen after shutdown," Ingraham wrote on Twitter. "Odd as it would be less meaningful if delayed."

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[font size="8"]Top 10 Investigates
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Let’s spin it to win it! And it lands on… wait for it… Oh it’s the guacamole option! Come on out here, Fernando! Yes, everyone Fernando is our sous chef here at the Top 10 and he is going to prepare my tableside guacamole. Here’s your $2!

All right doesn’t that look great? Thanks Fernando! Spin it again! Oh hey it’s time to investigate beyond the headlines. This is Top 10 Investigates!

Last week, the Los Angeles Rams and New Orleans Saints played for the NFC title and a chance to go to Super Bowl LIII. However, an extremely controversial call happened in the fourth quarter of that game that sent the Rams to the Super Bowl and the Saints home packing. Now regardless of which team you root for in this fight, we’re here to help sort out all the madness behind the controversial non call. Just how bad is sports officiating in the modern era? Well, moderate to extremely.

Referee Bill Vinovich's crew missed an obvious pass interference call on Los Angeles Rams cornerback Nickell Robey-Coleman in the final minutes of Sunday's NFC Championship Game against the New Orleans Saints.

The no-call came with 1:45 remaining on a third-and-10 play from the Rams' 13-yard line, with the score tied at 20. Robey-Coleman appeared to run into Saints receiver Tommylee Lewis and make helmet-to-helmet contact before the ball arrived -- sending the raucous Mercedes-Benz Superdome crowd into a chorus of boos when no flag was thrown.

Had interference been called, the Saints would have had a new set of downs and a chance to run the clock down before attempting a short field goal with less than 20 seconds remaining. Instead, the Rams forced overtime and beat the Saints 26-23, advancing to Super Bowl LIII.

People from around the country reacted to the controversial play, including some who photoshopped images:

So just how bad was that call? Well it’s spawned everything from lawsuits to death threats, because only in 2019 would a sensible person threaten to murder someone over something like that. And in case you’re wondering if there’s going to be another playoff game, well, don’t get your hopes up.

Redoing last weekend's controversial NFC title game between the Los Angeles Rams and New Orleans Saints would mean a pricey delay of the upcoming Super Bowl, the NFL said Friday.

In a legal filing, NFL Chief Financial Officer Joseph Siclare said replaying even a few minutes of the NFC championship game because of a missed passed interference call would force a delay for an event that demands an investment of "more than $100 million," the New Orleans Advocate reported.

Siclare's sworn affidavit was submitted by the NFL to get one of two pending lawsuits over officiating moved from state civil court to New Orleans federal court.

The filing marks the league's first formal response to a lawsuit by a pair of ticket-holders over the infamous "no call" that ended the Saints' Super Bowl run last Sunday.

That’s about what the Saints fans want to do to the ref who blew the call. And we get it, but LA is definitely no stranger to blown calls. In fact if you look at one of the most infamous blown calls of the last two decades, this one makes the New Orleans non call seem like a walk in the park. To use sports terminology if we must.

Boston, the defending World Series champion, was dispatched in three games by the White Sox during the AL Division Series, and manager Ozzie Guillen's crew looked to be the favorites against Anaheim in the ALCS. The Sox held home-field advantage at U.S. Cellular Field, the Angels were without ace Bartolo Colon, and they had just finished off a grueling five-game series win over the Yankees before making the trip from Anaheim to Chicago for Game 1.

Paul Byrd pitched the Angels to a surprising 3-2 victory in Game 1, making Game 2 a crucial contest for the White Sox before going to the West Coast. The game was tied at 1 in the ninth, with Mark Buehrle having gone the distance for Chicago, when A.J. Pierzynski appeared to strike out against Kelvim Escobar for the third out to send the game to extra innings.

Pierzynski ran to first on what he thought was a dropped third strike by catcher Josh Paul, and home-plate umpire Doug Eddings allowed him to stay there. Pinch-runner Pablo Ozuna swiped second and scored on Joe Crede's walk-off double, propelling the White Sox to their first of four straight victories over Anaheim.

OK so before you New Orleans Saints fans go nuts, although it may be too late for that, just be aware that we’ve seen calls just as bad if not worse than that. And by the way in case you’re wondering just how far Saints fans have taken their wrath, just look at this. Remember when we said there were death threats involved? Well it’s way worse than you might expect.

He has a name Saints fans will remember begrudgingly, but what Nickell Robey-Coleman said happened after the game is something they'd probably rather forget.

The Los Angeles Rams cornerback who was responsible for a play that went unflagged and likely cost the Saints a Super Bowl berth said he received countless threats after the game, including those of violence and another to burn down his home, according to Bleacher Report.

Robey-Coleman was speaking at a media event in the buildup to Super Bowl 53. The Rams face the New England Patriots on Sunday.

One of the threats, made on social media, said it would "f--k you up" at the airport. Another said he should leave or he "might not see tomorrow." Another said they'd burn his house down.

Robey-Coleman had a simple answer.

"Wolves do not concern themselves with the opinions of sheep," he said in the report.

So you can complain all you want about your blown call, just don’t make death threats, that gives your fans a bad name. That’s it for Top 10 Investigates. Good day.

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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
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It’s time to give the wheel a good strong spin! And it lands on… oh hey it’s another clip without context!

And that’s just sad. Or as Trump would say – SAD! Spin it again! Hey it’s time for Holy Shit! Gather around, my fair brothers and sisters of Salt Lake City, it’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate! For the Holy Church of the Top 10 has convened and it’s our weekly duty to remind you why the holiest among us are also the most full of:

My fair congregation! You know it’s our duty to inform you that we are approaching the end of days, but it also my duty to inform you that the forces of SAYTAN are working very quickly to help bring about that very scary ending of the Bible to life. We already saw that last year when the Dark One, whose name shall not be spoken in my church, decided to move the US - Israeli embassy to Jerusalem to please his base of end times apocalypse worshippers. Well, he might be surprised to learn that this did nothing of the sort to help escalate the rapture! You know there’s a special time keeping device that is used to monitor how close we are to the end of days, and well, if you’re not alarmed by this, you should be.

The Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists is keeping the Doomsday Clock set at two minutes to midnight - the emblematic end of the world - calling the threats against humankind "a new abnormal."

The scientists announced Thursday that the clock is stuck at 11:58, citing nuclear weapons and climate change as two existential risks that leave the world dangerous close to an apocalypse.

Bulletin President Rachel Bronson told The Washington Post that the scientists felt that keeping the clock at that "daunting time" was appropriate because "the time corresponded to the message we were sending." She said the board was particularly concerned that "U.S.-Russian relations are near an all-time low," "the arms control architecture is deteriorating," and "carbon emissions are rising after a period of plateauing."

She particularly emphasized that "the intentional undermining of the information architecture for political purposes, which we view as a threat multiplier - makes everything that we're doing more difficult."

So, nuclear apocalypse is inevitable!!! Or is it? You know think of this as the calm before the storm, because in our Good Book, at least JAYSUS does not make any sort of mention of how the world is going to end. And you know you should never mix religion and science because the two separate in a giant pool like olive oil and vinegar. So why is it so important that the Doomsday Clock is staying at 2 minutes to midnight this year?

The Doomsday Clock is the creation of the Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists, a group that formed in the wake of the atomic bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Their goal: educate both the scientific community and the public at large about technology’s potential to destroy the world.

The Doomsday Clock was originally set at seven minutes to midnight, and the Bulletin has adjusted it 23 times over the years. The most recent adjustment came in 2018 when the group set the clock to 11:58 — putting humanity symbolically closer to doomsday than it had ever been before.

According to the Bulletin, we’ve done nothing in the past year to make the situation any less precarious — humanity still faces not one, but two “existential threats” in the form of nuclear weapons and climate change.

While the clock remains set at 11:58, the potential of either threat to destroy humanity has increased over the past 12 months, according to the Bulletin’s 2019 statement. We must do something to alter our path.

Oh so it’s only a minor threat to the end of humanity as we know it! For the good LAWRD JAYSUS never made mention of the end of days, but his followers love how the BAYBLE ends in the book of Revelation because the clock hasn’t slowed down but yet it does remind us of the dangers of the world in which we currently live! Can I get an amen???

When the board of the Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists has judged a significant deterioration of the global security environment, it usually moves the hands of the “doomsday clock” closer to midnight. One year ago, recognizing a cluster of negative trends, the custodians reset this icon as never before in its 70 year history to two minutes before midnight. But this week, rather than push it closer to midnight, as many analysts had predicted, the board doubled down in a bold statement that the world is in a “new abnormal”ť and that the clock is still two minutes to midnight.

This statement is a clarion call to citizens and leaders alike in declaring, “This new abnormal is simply too volatile and dangerous to accept as a continuing state of world affairs.”ť With the articulation of the contours of the perilous new abnormal, the clock moves beyond a metaphorical representation of our planetary wounds. It exposes the intertwined conundrum of increased nuclear militarism, unabated climate change, and the corruption of global information systems by leaders using new technology for nefarious goals. The discussion of the latter is a major contribution to security thinking, particularly as it affects democracies.

Perhaps the most insightful critique of leaders around the world notes their “intentional corruption of the information ecosystem on which modern civilization depends.”ť Sadly, calling on leaders in Washington to change their behavior regarding these issues will be a steep climb. Never before has an executive branch of the United States had a lower regard for the findings of science, especially around the topic of climate change. The more than $1 trillion proposed for future decades of nuclear modernization has no substantial opposition within Congress.

Well let’s think about this here in the eyes of the LAWRD – the clock hasn’t moved forward but it can’t move backward. You can’t turn back time! Yes, I know that’s a Cher song, sir! So why is this thing still relevant? Why don’t we ask a real scientist? And you should never mix religion and science, that’s just bad for business!

Sputnik: Ok finally with this in mind, is humanity closer now to striking midnight on the doomsday clock than in the past?

Dr Becky Alexis-Martin: From a nuclear perspective no, I think it's absolutely right to kind of retain the point that we are ‘two minutes from midnight', however from a climate perspective we are gradually encroaching and edging towards catastrophe and that catastrophe won't affect people in the global north substantially as much as it will affect people in the global south.

The impacts of climate change will not affect places like the USA, UK and Russia as substantially as places like Sub-Saharan Africa or the South Pacific where they don't have the opportunities to create adaptations to climate change and their situation is more precarious to begin with. I would say yes, I would say that we are edging closer towards midnight from a climate perspective and we just have to wait and see really. I hope that international policy begins to remedy and begins to support progress towards mitigating climate change.

So what do you think a GODLY man thinks of the end of days? Well apparently SAYTAN has been working overtime to eradicate his foes, all of which oppose the Dark One! Wait a minute, the Dark One was anointed by SATAN, not by GAWD!!!

On last night’s “YourVoice America” program, ardent pro-Trump commentator and right-wing conspiracy theorist Bill Mitchell declared that every policy proposal put forth by Democrats is designed to increase human misery because liberals are driven by self-loathing and want all of humanity to suffer.

Mitchell said that if a liberal sees someone wearing a MAGA hat and therefore thinks that person is racist, it is because the liberal is the one who has racism “occupying a large space” in their mind already and “is looking at the world through racism-colored glasses.”

“Here’s the problem that liberals have,” Mitchell asserted. “They feel a sense of being outcasts, a sense of being different. Because of this otherness, they tend to have a lot of self-loathing, OK? Now they’re human beings [and] they loath themselves, so they loath humanity.”

“The Democrats and the liberals must always blame mankind for everything because of their sense of otherness, because of their sense of not belonging, because of their sense of hatred of mankind,” Mitchell added. “That’s why their policies and procedures never improve the status of mankind, but prolong the pain and make the pain worse, because they hate mankind and they hate themselves.”

There you have it folks! The opponents of the Dark One blame mankind for everything and that’s why we are in the End Of Days! Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]Top 10 Movie Vault
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Let’s give the wheel a good strong spin shall we? And it lands on… wait for it… Oh hey it’s A Random Tweet!!!


Oh hey it’s good to know that he’s smocking covfefe again! Let’s spin it again! Oh it’s the mystery item which means that we’re going to bring back… THE TOP 10 MOVIE VAULT!!!!

That’s right – the Top 10 Movie Vault brings you excellence (or not) in cinema whether it’s the finest documentaries on the internet or movies actually in theaters. So bear in mind we will keep this segment to the standards of humor that you’ve come to expect from the Top 10 by now - which usually are very poor but we'll accept moderate. That said, what has people’s underwear in wads this week? Well there’s a controversial new documentary about Michael Jackson that his most hardcore fans would probably rather not be seen, all remaining copies destroyed, and any left stored next to the Arc Of The Covenant. Because, reasons.

The new two-part documentary on Michael Jackson, Leaving Neverland has been mired in controversy since its premiere at the Sundance Film Festival on Jan. 25. The documentary follows Wade Robson and James Safechuck (now in their thirties) who allege that Jackson preyed on them as young boys.

Since Friday, the documentary has been met with statements from the Jackson estate and Jackson’s family, with the estate calling Leaving Neverland a “tabloid character assassination” on Jackson. The family dubbed Robson and Safechuck as “perjurers” and the film as a “public lynching.”

Now, Leaving Neverland director and producer Dan Reed has responded to those criticisms. In a new interview with The Hollywood Reporter, Reed said, “A four-hour piece, is that a tabloid?” He continued, “I didn’t characterize Jackson at all in the film—I think if you watch it you'll have noticed that it’s a story about these two families and Jackson is an element of that story.” Reed asserted that the film isn’t about Jackson, but rather “an account of sexual abuse, how sexual abuse happens and then how the consequences play out later in life.”

“They have a very precious asset to protect,” Reed added. “Every time a song plays, a cash register goes ‘ka-ching.’ It doesn’t surprise me that they've come out fighting in defense of their asset.” Reed also mentioned that he doesn’t think the family has seen the film. “Their statements are not consistent with having watched the movie,” Reed told THR.

Of course they have a valuable asset to protect! Have you seen how much Michael Jackson is worth when he’s dead? He’s the world’s highest earning dead celebrity! And he’s got relatives and employees who want to get rich off of that! And if you think you don’t make enough money, wait until you see how much money this estate has. In all honesty, death was probably the best career move Michael Jackson could have made.

Death hasn’t ended Michael Jackson’s commercial success.

Jackson again tops our list of the highest-paid dead celebrities list after hauling in $400 million over the past year, mostly from the sale of his EMI Music Publishing stake. Additional cash comes from his Mijac Music catalogue, a new Sony record deal and projects like TV special Michael Jackson’s Halloween, which returned to CBS on October 20 for the second consecutive year.

“You see Charlie Brown Christmas and Charlie Brown Thanksgiving every year, so now we’re looking to have Michael Jackson’s Halloween every year,” says John Branca, the Jackson estate’s co-executor. “We hope that it’ll become evergreen.”

Behind the King of Pop on our list is another music monarch: Elvis Presley, who takes the No. 2 spot with $40 million over the past year; Arnold Palmer rounds out the top three with $35 million. In all, the dead celebs pulled in $628 million, more than double last year’s $312 million tally—thanks entirely to Jackson’s windfall, which gives him $2.4 billion in earnings in the decade since his death.

Naturally you can see why they’re nervous about this flick, especially given what can happen to famous celebrities in the post #MeToo era. Now we’re not defending the allegations in this documentary even slightly. But if the director isn’t worried about the Michael Jackson estate, maybe he should be worried about Michael Jackson fans!

“Leaving Neverland,” a new documentary focused on the child sexual abuse allegations against Michael Jackson, has already stirred some controversy at the Sundance Film Festival, and now that backlash has hit its IMDb page.

On Friday afternoon at about 1:20 p.m. PT, the IMDb page for the documentary read “Liar, Liar 2: The Wade Robson and Jimmy Safechuck Story.” Robson and Safechuck are two Jackson accusers who appear in the documentary. It was fixed by about 2:05 p.m. PT.

It would appear that angry Jackson fans vandalized the page. Those with a registered IMDb account are able to make edits on films’ pages, similar to Wikipedia. IMDb did not immediately respond to Variety‘s request for comment.


And that was just the IMDB page! In case you don’t know Michael Jackson fans, they’re very similar to a lot of fans of some very powerful celebrities. You know – like the guy who we currently call president, Donald J. Trump. Honestly the extremely rabid Michael Jackson fans and the extremely rabid Donald Trump fans are really cut from the same cloth. Especially when they can pull shit like this.

EXCLUSIVE: The world premiere of a controversial Michael Jackson documentary this week at the Sundance Film Festival has organizers and local police preparing for turmoil from fans of the deceased Thriller singer.

“We have increased our staffing out of concerns for the potential for a protest,” Captain Phil Kirk of the Park City Police tells Deadline about the January 25 debut of the sexual abuse investigating Leaving Neverland. That’s the official line, but officials in the Utah ski town say their primary concern is about an incident inside the Egyptian Theatre screening of the Dan Reed directed two-parter on Friday.

There have been direct threats against The Paedophile Hunter helmer Reed over the 236-minute Neverland, I hear.

“Tensions are higher for this movie than anything I’ve ever seen at Sundance before,” says a law enforcement source. “No one is going to be prevented from exercising their Constitutional rights, but we are not going to allow this to get out of hand, in any way,” he added, noting that the checks and other security measures already in place for SFF will be heightened inside the venue also.

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[font size="8"]How Is This Still A Thing?
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Let’s give the wheel a good strong spin shall we? And it lands on… wait for it… clip without context!

Uh… did Alex just admit he’s in on the whole thing? Paging Mr. Mueller! Paging Mr. Mueller! Spin it again. Oh hey it’s time for How Is This Still A Thing? Time once again to ask:

This week – the Laura Ingraham Show. How is this still a thing? Apparently in conservative world, as long as you say what they want to hear, you’re a celebrity for life. It doesn’t matter how many sponsors you lose, or how badly you get mocked by those on the other side. You can always paint them as violent lunatics and you’ll still get a large majority of the viewership. Such is the case with the Laura Ingraham Show – another Fox News outlet that’s currently being circled down the drain and has been for a long time. So what happened exactly?

Right-wing radio host Laura Ingraham has been hemorrhaging advertisers after a petty attack on a teenager who survived the Parkland, Florida massacre.

As of April, Ingraham had lost 24 advertisers to her Fox News show thanks to an online campaign mobilized by David Hogg, who called out the fringe host for her bullying. But as of October, those advertisers still didn’t return.

“It’s not unusual for advertisers to flee temporarily when controversy strikes a television program,” wrote Politico. “But the sustained loss of advertising minutes and big, nationally recognized brands from “The Ingraham Angle” shows the power of activist-led boycotts and the depth of major corporations’ concerns about offending would-be consumers in the hyper-politicized era of President Donald Trump.”

Media Matters announced Ingraham’s show was over, but she’s still trying to hold on by doing a podcast. Her Fox News show will also continue. The weekly radio show ends its run after 17 years. It has “served as a safe space for the Fox News host and her guests to make cruel jokes, practice racism, demonize immigrants, and push wild conspiracy theories. The world will be better off without it,” the site described.

Yes that’s right – Laura Ingraham has been dropped from her radio show but somehow is still able to be on Fox News. So how did Ingraham’s show go off the air? What was the final cause of death? Was it her incessant bigotry and love of Donald Trump? Or was it the way that she attacked the Parkland Students for their activism? Or is it all of the above?

After 17 years of torturing Americans’ ears, Laura Ingraham’s radio show finally came to an end this December. The weekday show has long served as a safe space for the Fox News host and her guests to make cruel jokes, practice racism, demonize immigrants, and push wild conspiracy theories. The world will be better off without it.

Unfortunately, Ingraham’s cruelty and racism will still have a home on her Fox News show and her new podcast beginning next month. But for now, we can bid a happy farewell to a truly awful program by remembering some of its most repulsive moments.

Ingraham fawned over Donald Trump’s bigoted rhetoric on immigration; she defended his calls for a ban on Muslims entering the United States, and even argued that the ban was “not broad enough,” claiming that she would “go farther” and be “even worse than Trump.”

She asserted that “Middle Eastern countries have got to be told… we’re cutting you off,” questioned why the U.S. should allow Muslim immigration ”knowing that we can’t tell if an Islamic individual is going to be radicalized,” and said the U.S. should only accept refugees “who we can verifiably say are Christians. … But all these other people, they’ve got to stay in the Middle East.”

So it took 17 years to realize that Laura Ingraham is a toxic bigot who only spews nothing but hate and bigotry? Well maybe she and Jeannie Pirro can join forces. But in case you’re wondering why Ingraham is still on the air, well look at the fact that they have pretty much a direct pipeline to Trump. With friends like these, who needs enemies?

Right-wing pundits are not happy that President Donald Trump has agreed to reopen the federal government while he negotiates with House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Democrats in Congress over funding for border security.

Upon hearing the news, conservative commentator Ann Coulter tweeted “Good news for George Herbert Walker Bush: As of today, he is no longer the biggest wimp ever to serve as President of the United States.”

Michael Malice — an anarchist author, columnist and media personality — posted a similarly mean-spirited tweet: “Apparently a wall isn’t as good as a cave.”

Tomi Lahren, a Fox Nation host, tweeted “It’s President Trump, not President Pelosi. Act like it.”

Breitbart, the alt-Right brainchild of former White House chief strategist to President Trump Steve Bannon, proclaimed on its website “GOVERNMENT OPEN … AND BORDER. NO WALL.”

That’s right Dude, with friends like these, who needs enemies? Yes, the federal government is currently being run by idiots with microphones. Let that sink in for a minute. And by the way in case you’re wondering if your advertising boycott is working, let’s look at what actually happens when that happens.

“Republicans buy sneakers, too” probably isn’t what Michael Jordan said, but it is true nonetheless. In fact, empirically, it’s an understatement. The last five years have given rise to the direct brand revolution with digitally minded startups disrupting every category, resulting in hundreds of so-called unicorns — privately held companies worth more than $1 billion — many of whom grew through leveraging the power of conservative media outlets and programs. Ironically, marketers associated with these brands are overwhelmingly liberal with no interest in political controversy.

Direct brands are data-driven, so when their analytics reveal conservative programming systematically outperforming inoffensive content, they trust the numbers. So brands like Casper, Blue Apron, ZipRecruiter or 23andMe hold their noses and continue pumping promo codes and vanity URLs into conservative podcasts, talk radio and even FOX News, thinking to themselves: “I wish I knew how to quit you, Ben Shapiro!”

In all this, there is confusion about what sponsorship actually symbolizes.

While conservative programming yields superior results, many marketers abstain from it, for fear of promoting values differing from than their own. This is not only faulty thinking. It is dangerous to democracy and a slippery slope. Sponsorship doesn’t mean you share values with talent. It says you wish to share your values with that talent’s audience. Carried to the extreme, identical values as a prerequisite for sponsorship means corporations dictate where free speech is acceptable and where it is not.

There you have it, while people may resist someone like Laura Ingraham, advertisers already do and don’t show their ads on shows like this. That’s enough to make you ask – the Laura Ingraham Show:

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[font size="8"]People Are Dumb
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Let’s spin the wheel shall we? Come on no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy… stop! And it lands on… wait for it… No, a whammy!!!

Spin it again. Oh hey it’s time for People Are Dumb! Hit it!

Of course you know by now that people are people and people are dumb. I feel like anytime we don’t do one of these, there’s tons of stories of people being stupid. Such is the case this week! So let’s start with this story out of Lexington, Kentucky. And Kentucky is really Florida’s Florida. Because when Florida Man or Florida Woman are absent from the news, you can always count on some just absolutely batshit crazy stories coming out of the Blue Grass State. So this woman was channeling her inner J. Walter Weatherman from Arrested Development.

LEXINGTON, Ky. (AP) — A Kentucky woman charged with drunken driving told police she did it "to teach her son a lesson."

News outlets report 48-year-old Sunita Jairam was arrested early Sunday on charges including endangering the welfare of a minor.

Her arrest citation says she told police she "drank a bunch of beer" and drove at 150 mph (241 kph). It's unclear what lesson she was trying to impart.

The son told police he tried to get out of the BMW subcompact several times, but the door was locked. News outlets didn't list his age.


And that’s why you don’t drive drunk to teach lessons to your son! Because then you will almost always see the PoPos! Next up, we go to this story out of Madison, Wisconsin. Look… I’m a guy, I get it, and if there’s one thing you don’t do, you never, ever, under any circumstances get between a man and his toys. Doesn’t matter if they are power tools, comic books, electronics, jet skis, riding lawnmowers, computer parts, motorcycles, or action figures. Just… don’t do it. Because this will happen. And it won't end well for you. And I love the guy’s statement, by the way.

Around 10 p.m. on Sunday night, a 34-year-old Madison, Wisconsin man called 911 to report himself.

The man, whose name hasn’t been released, said his problems began with his collection of prized action figures, according to Madison Police Chief Mike Koval’s blog on the incident. The man explained that he’d been drinking, and he thought his wife had damaged some of them. He said he may have “overreacted.”

“Overreacted,” in his words, meant waiting for his wife to leave the house, grabbed an axe, and demolishing every valuable sight. He’d swung it through the TV, then taken it to a laptop and a few other choice possessions.

Then he went outside to the car. After a few discerning smashes -- including hacking off the side mirrors -- he slammed the blade so hard into the windshield it stuck. That’s where they found the weapon when the police pulled up -- sticking out of the car windshield like some kind of Wisconsinite Excalibur.

Read more: http://www.citypages.com/news/hubby-goes-on-axe-rampage-over-prized-action-figures-say-cops/504750062

Yeah that dude’s got nothing on Archer, by the way! Next up, we go to our favorite state of guess where, that’s right – Florida. I also live in California, which means that we do not have access to the great restaurant chain known as Waffle House. Which means we’re missing out on all the crazy people who hang out at Waffle House in the wee hours of the morning after they’ve been up on all night crystal meth tweaks:

According to a police report from the Escambia County Sheriff’s Office, a woman later identified as Freedom Zobrist was causing problems in the parking lot. A Waffle House employee had called authorities after noticing the woman had dropped her pants and was blocking traffic.

The employee told her to leave but she became “verbally abusive,” and threatened to retrieve her firearm and “shoot him in the face.” He said the unemployed Pensacola resident also threatened to shoot everyone in the diner.

The worker then said Zobrist walked in to the middle of the parking lot, yanked her pants down, “exposing her sexual organs,” and began to dance.

The employee then said the 38-year-old went over to him and tried to grab his genitals and “lick both sides of his face.”

Next up we go to New Hampshire for this one. Remember that episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm where Larry was being accused of having certain acts of a sexy time nature being performed while he was driving? Well, this is a case of life imitating art and one where the acts in question were being performed by professionals.

While stopped at a red light Tuesday afternoon, a New Hampshire motorist was living his best life, smoking crack cocaine and being fellated by a woman in the passenger seat, police report.

Manchester Police Department detectives spotted Michael Douville, 51, behind the wheel of a Chrysler 300 stopped at an intersection. Douville, a Nashua resident, was engaged in...illegal acts” at the time, cops allege.

When two detectives approached the vehicle and identified themselves, Douville sped off. He was subsequently apprehended by a third cop. His passenger, however, “fled the area and was not located,” investigators say.

Seen above, Douville was arrested on several charges, including lewdness, narcotics possession, and disobeying a police officer.

Ah, classic Larry! Finally this week we go to Boise, Idaho for this one. And I’m not making fun of the mass stabbing by the way. What I am making fun of is the fact that the guy who committed the mass stabbing wants to change his name to something completely ridiculous. That’s right – the guy who is accused of stabbing 9 people is going to change his name to this.

Timmy Earl Kinner Jr., accused of stabbing nine people in Boise last June, wants to change his name to Eternal Love, according to court records.

Kinner, who turned 31 last Friday, was granted a hearing on his petition at 1:30 p.m. March 19 before Judge Lynnette McHenry.

On the form that asked why he wanted to change his name, Kinner wrote: “because this is my God given right & the title I want to be known as & remembered by.”

In Idaho, name changes require a judge’s approval, and the state has strict laws about name changes meant to obscure association with crimes.

Yeah it’s about as ridiculous as having the name Creamy Goodness. That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]Deep State Diaries Episode 27: The Bureau Of Alcohol, Tobacco & Firearms
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Let’s spin the wheel one final time this week! Oh hey and it’s another clip without context!

And Bill Mitchell sort of looks like a creepy serial killer. I mean I wouldn’t be surprised in the least if he recreates the “Goodnight Horses” scene from Silence Of The Lambs in his basement. Spin it again! Oh hey it’s time for Deep State Diaries!

It’s time for episode 27 of Deep State Diaries. Yes we’re touring the many branches and services that make up the United States government. Everything from the FBI to the IRS to the Pentagon to the CIA to the DPW to the DVA to parks and recreation and all branches and services in between. Of course if you’re here you probably already know more about our government and how it works than your average Fox News loving Trump supporter does. So that’s what this segment is going to address. We are going to do a deep dive into all that makes the United States the United States. Because we here at the Top 10 love to educate as well as entertain. Because we care.

[font size="6"]The Bureau Of Alcohol, Tobacco & Firearms[/font]

This week we’re gonna fire some guns, smoke some fine cigars and get drunk! Because we’re hanging out with the Bureau Of Alcohol, Tobacco & Firearms! Whew! So what does the ATF actually do? That is what we’re here to find out. So the ATF started as a joint venture between the FBI and the DOJ back after prohibition ended. Then they expanded to become their own branch of the law enforcement arm of the government back in the 1970s. So what do they do today? What is the role of the ATF? Well let’s see what they are in the news for this week! Well let’s just say that you want the ATF around in case of crime like this.

Close to 300 weapons stolen from gun shops across the metro Atlanta area in just a couple of months. ATF agents now say they can trace those stolen firearms back to one guy. Agents have linked the crimes to 31-year-old James Clifford Roberts, a convicted felon from Atlanta.

The gun store burglaries began Oct. 25, 2018. Stores in Jonesboro, Alpharetta, Buford, and Homer were hit. The biggest heist was at Hi-Caliber in Holly Springs. Crooks broke into that store in late November and took off with 180 guns.

When thieves broke into Deercreek Gun Shop in Marietta Suzette McCain, who lives across the street says she's the one who called the police.

"I saw the cars backed up behind the place. Like I told the Detective, it don't make sense they keep doing this," said McCain.

Police say they got away with 21 guns from Deercreek.

In all, 293 firearms were stolen from six stores in two months. Law Enforcement says the M-O was the same across the board. Prior to breaking in, the power to the build was cut, disabling surveillance cameras and alarms.

Hey sporting goods stores! If you’re going to sell guns, which is your right to do so, you’d better get some better security! And speaking of security, the ATF is pushing for some strong new measures to help fight future crimes. Thankfully we’re not in Minority Report territory yet but we’re getting very close to that.

A new nationwide push is changing the way officers collect evidence in an effort to solve violent crimes by connecting them, but the News4 I-Team found some departments aren't doing it — even though it could help solve crimes in neighboring cities.

"Gun violence is the most difficult thing that we have to deal with," said Metropolitan Police Department Chief Peter Newsham.

With 160 murders in D.C. last year, he knows the value of strong evidence. That's why his officers are required to pick up every shell casing, even if the call was just for sounds of gunfire. Years ago, that wasn't the case.

"If you arrived on the scene and nobody was injured and you didn't have a crime, then you would clear the scene with no report. Now, we handle it completely differently," said Newsham.

It's called comprehensive collection. The federal Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives (ATF) calls D.C. one of the nation's leaders in doing it.

But you need strong evidence. Because you know what? In a country where we have more guns than people, we need to start addressing how many gun shops and sporting goods stores are being broken into, and the ATF needs all the tools they can get to prevent these sort of things from happening.

Federal authorities are offering a reward of up to $5,000 for information that helps them find those responsible for stealing firearms early Friday from the Cabela’s store in Kansas City, Kan.

The break-in alarm was reported just before 3 a.m. Friday at the store located at 10300 Cabela Drive. Several long guns were stolen, according to the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives.

The agency says Cabela’s is a federally licensed firearms dealer. KCK police along with ATF agents in Kansas City are investigating the incident.

That is a good question, Chief! And by the way, in case you’re wondering why we have such draconian drug laws, how has it taken *THIS* long for the ATF to decide that maybe they’re not making us safer? I mean why not when we have this many people breaking into gun shops and sporting goods stores to steal guns like they’re in an Avengers or super hero movie! The answer is NO!!! They are not making us safer! This is the opposite of safe!

CHICAGO (CBS) — It took 16 years of work in the legislature, but Thursday Gov. JB Pritzker signed a landmark gun control bill into law.

With the signing of the law, Illinois solidified its position in the ranks with states like California, Connecticut, Massachusetts and New Jersey, which have some of the most comprehensive laws on the books.

Des Plaines gun dealer Dan Eldridge echoes concerns from critics of the law that the rules are onerous.

“They are duplicative of what we have with Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms,” Eldridge, the owner of Maxon Shooter Supplies, said.

California, Connecticut, Massachusetts, New Jersey and, now, Illinois all require the background checks on employees. They all require that dealers are licensed by the state. And also like the law Pritzker signed Thursday, they require certain security measures like proper storage.

[font size="6"]Score Card [/font]

Overall importance: B-
How Things Are Going: B
Likely hood To Survive: B+

Overall: B-

[font size="6"]Next Week [/font]

Assuming our government is still open, next week’s Deep State Diaries is going to keep the drug train going as we hang out with the DEA!

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8”]Greta Van Fleet[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen, my next guest is an awesome band from Frankenmuth, Michigan. Their latest album is called “Anthem Of The Peaceful Army”. You can see them on tour this April and May. Playing their song “You’re The One”, give it up for Greta Van Fleet!

Thank you Salt Lake City! We had a great time on this very short tour, we are back home in Anaheim next week. See you next week!


Host: Initech
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of Live Audience At: Wiseguys Comedy Club, Salt Lake City, UT
Special Thanks To: Wiseguys Management
Holy Shit Gospel Choir: Bethel Church Band, Salt Lake City
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Management: Initech Productions, CCC Management
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Initech Productions: Yes, We Got The Memo

Posted by Top 10 Idiots | Wed Jan 30, 2019, 05:00 PM (2 replies)

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #6-3: Thursday Night's All Right (For Fighting) Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #6-3: Thursday Night’s All Right (For Fighting) Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! Sign up for our new unlimited plan today, get 4 free phones and unlimited gigs! What’s up Vegas???? Oh it is good to be back! I do love this city, it’s a home away from home for me! But I think this is the first time we’ve done a Vegas show and we’ve also done one on Fremont St at that. I love Fremont St – it’s the Strip without Strip. I mean come on, we got the Heart Attack Grill right next door, what more could you want? Congratulations to the LA Rams on winning the NFC championship and going to the Super Bowl!!! Sorry Saints fans, you put up a good fight and you can rest easier knowing you don't have to go to the White House to eat McDonalds. Do I really have to congratulate the Patriots though? Yeah BOOO those guys! Do we have time for the thing? We’ve talked quite a bit about gender reveals on this program including the absolutely ridiculous one in Arizona last year that started one of the world’s largest brush fires. There have been all kinds of ways to reveal your forthcoming child's gender and that includes everything from shooting off balloons to fireworks to colored powdered gas. Yeah let's give your guests the impression that they're getting gassed. What a great idea! Not. And why not? It's about as ridiculous of a concept as the Promposal, and really don't get me started on this crap that's designed really to get likes on your social media accounts like promposals, gender reveal parties, and pictures of ridiculous food combinations like chocolate sprinkle donut cheeseburgers. And this gender reveal party really is a combination of the two. Now they’re getting into ridiculous territory. Yes that's right - now. I said now, damn it! So why am I so angry about this? Because there’s New York-based chain restaurant Villa Pizza Kitchen that has started this insane trend that we really hope doesn't become a thing, and people hate it. What is it you might ask? It's gender reveal lasagna! Yes, your lasagna can be made blue or pink to reveal your new baby's gender, and it looks like a science experiment! In fact you wanna be grossed out? Let’s show a picture of it!

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Man that looks appetizing doesn’t it? Cheese with blue or pink food coloring to reveal your baby’s gender! Why am I reminded of that scene from Vegas Vacation where Cousin Eddie takes Clark to the $1.49 all you can eat buffet?

Excuse me a minute… hey that doesn’t look like chicken! OK that’s enough of the intro, we have a lot of idiocy to get to. But first Bill Maher is back (YAY!!!!!) and his first New Rule of the year pointed out the 800 pound gorilla in the room:

Ed. Note: Unfortunately we wont get to the SCOTUS ruling on Trump’s transgender military ban this week so we will have to wait until next week. Now back to our regularly scheduled programming!

Holy shit was last week quite the doozy! We might need a slot just to recap all the insanity and I think that’s what we’re going to do, especially with the Trump vs Pelosi debacle and Trump (1) going full asshole and revoking her travel privileges, and may have outed a secret diplomatic mission. In the second slot is also Donald Trump (2). So if you noticed over the weekend was the March For Life in Washington, DC and a group of boys from a Catholic school in Kentucky were the spotlight as they were wearing MAGA hats and making racist taunts. Of course their repeated attempts to justify their actions don’t help their cause. In the third slot this week is the guy who might become America’s next attorney general William Barr (3) and well he’s a perfect Trump cabinet pick. By perfect we mean SAD! Taking the fourth slot this week, we have a new installment of “People Who Somehow Got Elected” and this week we’re going to add Oklahoma’s new holier-than-thou governor Kevin Stitt (4) to that ever growing list. For the fifth slot this week is our weekly investigative piece Top 10 Investigates and we’re going to take a good, hard look at the LAUSD teacher’s strike (5) and what it means for the future of LAUSD. In the sixth slot this week is of course our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in “Holy Shit” (6) and this week our resident pastor is going to do a deep dive into something unheard of – mixing religion and politics, but specifically did Liberty University rig the polls to favor the Dark One? We shall find out! In the seventh slot this week, we’ve got a new installment of “Beating A Dead Horse” (7) and we’re going to break down the extremely controversial new Gillette ad that has everyone’s underwear in a wad from both sides of the aisle. For the 8th slot this week, we have a new installment of We’re All Gonna Die, and if last week's Super Blood Wolf Moon wasn't a sign of the end times, wait until you see what the apocalypse has in store for you, courtesy of Russia and North Korea! In the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot this week we’ve got a brand new installment of “I Need A Drink” and we’re in Vegas a city known for bad decisions made while drinking, and the shut down is affecting the craft beer industry big time, and we will get to the bottom of it! Finally this week we’ve got a brand new installment of our ongoing series that explains how government works to conspiracy theorists, Deep State Diaries (10) is going to show the governing body of our money and economic system, The Fed! Plus our good friends The Claypool Lennon Delirium are back with some new tunes! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]Trump vs Pelosi
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Thursday, Thursday, Thursday, Thursday, Thursday night’s all right for fighting yeah!!! Sorry, I was channeling my inner Elton John there for a minute. Yeah so last week it was a Trump vs Nancy Pelosi brew ha ha. You know what? Let’s do it this way instead! In this corner, weighing allegedly at 239 pounds, he loves hamburders and fast food, the guy who is currently the president of the United States, Donald J. Trump! And in this corner, the woman who has been tasked with keeping our country from going to shit, the new speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi! Let’s get ready to rumble!!!

In a Sunday morning tweetstorm, President Donald Trump lashed out at Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi and Democrats for rejecting his proposal offering temporary protections to some undocumented immigrants in exchange for $5.7 billion in border security funding.

The president accused Pelosi of behaving "irrationally” for turning down his offer.

“Nancy Pelosi has behaved so irrationally & has gone so far to the left that she has now officially become a Radical Democrat. She is so petrified of the ‘lefties’ in her party that she has lost control.”

He added in another tweet, “Nancy Pelosi and some of the Democrats turned down my offer yesterday before I even got up to speak. They don’t see crime & drugs, they only see 2020 - which they are not going to win.”

During an address on Saturday in the Diplomatic Room of the White House, the president presented what he called a “compromise” bill aimed at reopening the government, securing border wall funding, and providing legal protections for some undocumented immigrants. When details of the proposal leaked to the press ahead of the president’s announcement, Democrats swiftly panned the offer as dead on arrival because it did not offer permanent protections for some immigrants. Pelosi called Trump’s proposal a “non-starter.”

Shut up!!!!! If you really were serious about crime and drugs you’d start prosecuting the pharmaceutical companies who peddle addictive opioids and the for profit prisons who lock people for the pettiest of crimes! Those are the people who are really bringing crime and drugs into our streets. And you know Trump is a guy who loves to rub salt in the wound. Think of it like Lucy pulling the football from Charlie Brown and then she spits in his face and kicks him in the ribs as he’s lying on the ground.

President Trump early Sunday sought to sell his new immigration proposal, which includes funding for a wall along the southern border and extended protection for certain immigrant groups, amid pushback from Democrats and hard-line conservatives.

In a series of tweets, Trump chastised Democrats for dismissing his plan, and attempted to assuage immigration hard-liners who likened the administration's latest proposal to amnesty for immigrants already in the country illegally.

"No, Amnesty is not a part of my offer," Trump tweeted. "It is a 3 year extension of DACA. Amnesty will be used only on a much bigger deal, whether on immigration or something else. Likewise there will be no big push to remove the 11,000,000 plus people who are here illegally-but be careful Nancy!"

In two other tweets, Trump singled out Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) for her opposition to the proposal, calling her a "Radical Democrat" and blaming her for the condition of the streets in San Francisco, which falls in her congressional district.

Trump called on Pelosi and Democrats to "do the right thing for the Country & allow people to go back to work" as a partial government shutdown triggered by his demand for wall funding stretched into its 30th day.

I think that would defy all laws of physics wouldn’t it? But in case you’re wondering if Trump’s plan would end this ridiculous shutdown? Well guess what? That ain’t happening! I’m shocked, shocked I tell you! Guess what government? You just got Art Of The Deal’d!!!

It should be good news that both President Donald Trump's Republicans and Speaker Nancy Pelosi's Democrats plan to vote to reopen the government this week.

But since they are voting on vastly different plans, this new phase of their confrontation is more likely to expose the gulf between them than to end the longest federal shutdown in history anytime soon.

Trump on Saturday made his most significant move yet in an impasse now nearly a month in by offering temporary protections for some undocumented immigrants in return for $5.7 billion in funding for his border wall.

As Republicans see it, Trump's speech from the White House is a statesmanlike effort to meet Democrats halfway in a bid to end the partial government shutdown.

"This is a common-sense compromise both parties should embrace," Trump said.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha… as if Trump cares about common sense! That’s a good one! Be sure to catch that joke and many others in Trump’s new standup comedy album “Me Standing In Front Of A Wall”, available in the bargain bin of your local Wal-Mart today! And by the way in case you’re wondering who is winning this fight, let’s just say that Trump is Art Of The Dealing himself! He’s winning, you know, in the Charlie Sheen sense of winning.

Nancy Pelosi is winning her showdown with President Trump for one simple reason: She knows how to do her job better than he knows how to do his.

The House speaker is fond of three precepts; spend time with her and you’ll hear them all. One is from Abraham Lincoln: “Public sentiment is everything. With it, nothing can fail; against it, nothing can succeed.”

The second is from her father, an old-school Democratic mayor of Baltimore: “Votes are the coin of the realm.” The third is her own: Never underestimate Nancy Pelosi.

In this battle, she’s winning — and Trump’s losing — on all three counts.

Since the president forced the partial shutdown of the federal government on Dec. 22, public sentiment has run against him and the wall he wants to build on the border with Mexico.


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[font size="8"]Nick Sandmann
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This weekend was the annual gathering of religious conservative white males who want to tell women how to control their bodies known as the “March For Life”. Yes it’s the DC protest where they call on governments to end that thing known as abortion once and for all. But this weekend was different because for once, all the attention was taken off abortion and the debate for or against it. So what happened? Well it’s a complicated story but there was a brew ha ha between boys from a Catholic school in Covington, Kentucky (who, not surprisingly, were wearing MAGA hats) and a Native American Vietnam vet. So let’s let the story do the talking first.

A crowd of students surrounds the Native American man, laughing and filming on cell phones. One boy, wearing a red Make America Great Again hat, stands just inches away from the man's drum, staring at him with a wide smile.

Nathan Phillips, an Omaha elder participating in the Indigenous Peoples March, keeps drumming and singing.

The jeers of the students – and Phillips' stoic response – were captured in a video that has sparked widespread criticism and drawn an apology from a Kentucky prep school and diocese.

The students and Phillips had both converged in Washington, D.C., last Friday. The students, a group of boys from Covington Catholic High School in Kentucky, were there to attend the March for Life. Phillips had come for the first-ever Indigenous Peoples March, on the same day.

Videos show a number of young men and women, predominantly white, jumping, cheering and chanting, in a dense circle around Phillips. Many are wearing Trump paraphernalia, and some are wearing clothing associated with the Covington high school.

Yes, wait a minute hold up. I mean is anyone really surprised at this point that Trump supporters would hurl racist insults and mock Native Americans who were participating in their own march? If you are, you’re either a Trump supporter or you’ve been in a coma. So let’s move the camera back a bit and see what’s in the background?

After short clips of an incident between students from Covington Catholic High School and a man at the Indigenous Peoples March in Washington D.C. went viral Saturday, people are now sharing full-length clips of the incident.

People across social media have responded to the video saying it shows the students were provoked and that the man put himself in that position. One video is almost two hours long.

The indigenous man, Nathan Phillips, said he stepped in to diffuse the crowd of students who were interacting with a group he identified as the Black Hebrew Israelites. Phillips is a Vietnam veteran and Native American elder of the Omaha tribe.

In an interview with the Detroit Free Press, Phillips said the incident started as the Covington Catholic students were observing a group of Black Hebrew Israelites talk, and started to get upset at their speeches.

Phillips said some of the members of the Black Hebrew Israelites group were also acting up, "saying some harsh things" and that one member spit in the direction of the Catholic students.

"So I put myself in between that, between a rock and hard place," Phillips said.

The Enquirer has not verified the identity of the person who took and posted the video. One video seems to be posted by a member of the Black Hebrew Israelites.

And yes that did escalate very quickly! I mean this is why you don’t hold conflicting rallies on the same day, it will never end well for either side. But Mr. Sandmann might be vying for a job on Fox News or AM radio. But well his mom definitely didn’t help the situation at all.

The mother of a boy filmed harassing a Native American man along with his friends at a rally in Washington DC has blamed “black Muslims” for the confrontation, without providing any evidence for the claim.

The teenager was among a group of students wearing Make America Great Again hats who were criticised for intimidating the musician Nathan Phillips, surrounding him to jeer and chant “build the wall, build the wall”.

But his mother claimed “black Muslims” had been harassing the group of Donald Trump supporters from the private, all-male Covington Catholic High School in Kentucky.

In an email to the news website Heavy.com, she wrote: “Did you hear the names of the people where (sic) calling these boys? It was shameful. Did you witness the black Muslims yelling profanities and video taping to get something to futher (sic) your narrative of hatred??

“Did you know that this “man” came up to this one boy and drummed in his face?”

OK maybe the mom isn’t helping the situation. But what about Mr. Sandmann himself in this situation – what was actually happening? Well when you see a group of Trump supporters out in the public square – and in this case, Washington DC, why confront them? You know it’s going to end as badly as it started, think of it like the scene in Stepbrothers where they first meet. And people, stop with the doxing and death threats already. That’s not helping the situation!

Sandmann says he and his family have received threats in the wake of the viral incident at the Lincoln Memorial, and released the statement to correct the "outright lies" about him.

Sandmann said his group was approached by the protesters, some of whom insulted Sandmann and fellow students.

The Indigenous Peoples March in Washington on Friday coincided with the March for Life, which drew thousands of anti-abortion protesters, including a group from Covington Catholic High School in Park Hills.

Videos circulating online show a youth -- who Sandmann says is him -- staring at and standing extremely close to an elderly Native American who was singing and playing a drum.

That Native American man has been identified as Nathan Phillips, an Omaha elder and Vietnam veteran who holds an annual ceremony honoring Native American veterans at Arlington National Cemetery.

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[font size="8"]William Barr
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Hey anyone remember the guy who used to be attorney general – Mr. I’m Too Southern himself - Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III? Well, he got eliminated from the Trumper Games and now we’re about to meet his replacement – William Barr. In case you’re wondering where you have heard that name before, back in the 90s, William Barr is the guy who made mass incarceration great again. Yes, he’s that guy. So now the question is, if he’s the top law enforcement guy in the country, would he be prepared to take on that subject?

In 1992, William Barr, now President Donald Trump's nominee for attorney general, helped engineer regulations that led to mass incarceration. And last week’s Senate confirmation hearings made it clear: In this new age of bipartisan criminal justice reform, calls for more progressive policing and efforts to lower incarceration, Barr is not the man to tear down what he built up.

At no point was that clearer than during an exchange Tuesday with Sen. Cory Booker, D-N.J.

When Booker asked about racial bias within the criminal justice system, and whether Barr recognized how much his policies had damaged the black community, the nominee stated that there may be pockets of racism "but ... overall ... as a system ... it's not predicated" on race and racism.

That's a shocking statement from a candidate for the top law enforcement office in the United States. In order to ensure equal protection under the law, one has to recognize that such protection is — and historically has been — unequal. Barr has failed to do so.

So now you know that William Barr is the guy who made mass incarceration great again. What does he think of unchecked executive power? Never before in United States history have we been under an executive who’s also a crook.

By all accounts, William Barr, President Donald Trump’s nominee for the position of attorney general, is a lawyer of integrity, decency and competence. For that reason, his memorandum of June 8, 2018, raising serious constitutional doubts about Robert Mueller’s investigation, is baffling — a genuine head-scratcher.

It is important to understand exactly why.

Barr has legitimate concerns. The legal definition of “obstruction of justice” is far from clear. Under federal law, a person is guilty of obstruction if he corruptly:

(1) “alters, destroys, mutilates, or conceals a record, document, or other object, or attempts to do so, with the intent to impair the object’s integrity or availability for use in an official proceeding,” or

(2) “otherwise obstructs, influences, or impedes any official proceeding, or attempts to do so.”

Barr is deeply worried about the meaning of (2). His concern is that a broad understanding of (2) would have “disastrous” implications. In his view, it could potentially become a crime for the president, the attorney general or some lower-level official to call for the exercise of prosecutorial discretion, to give some direction about how to handle a case, or to manage litigation and enforcement.

Oh and by the way, speaking of flip flopping, remember when Jeff Sessions promised to do a hard 180 from the way the rest of the country was going on medical marijuana? Well, Mr. Barr looks to stay the course on marijuana rather than continue the route that Sessions was taking. It’s not all bad!

Until the confirmation hearings last week for President Trump’s attorney general nominee William Barr, the cannabis industry had collectively been holding its breath. After the hearings, everyone breathed a slight sigh of relief.

Given former Attorney General Jeff Sessions’ tenure, expectations were understandably low for Trump’s AG pick, despite Trump’s occasional statements of support for medical cannabis. Sessions has been openly hostile to the sector in his words and in at least one major deed.

More than a year ago, Sessions rescinded the Cole memorandum, an Obama-era guideline for the U.S. Department of Justice that directed U.S. attorneys to refrain from enforcing federal cannabis laws against cannabis businesses operating in states where marijuana was legalized in some form and that had effective regulatory and enforcement regimes. Although Sessions never translated his views into a policy of DOJ prosecution during his time in office, the rescission injected a great deal of new uncertainty and concern in the sector.

This is why Barr’s statements about cannabis brought some comfort to the legal marijuana sector.

To Barr’s credit, while not pledging outright to restore the Cole memo, he said in his hearing that he would “not [] go after companies that have relied on the Cole memorandum” nor would he “upset settled expectations and reliant interests” related to it.

Well apparently we have to too, chief. And there’s one more thing about Mr. Barr – you know we’re quickly learning how much republicans are working (and that’s the only work they do) to undermine and obstruct the Mueller investigation. Well, Barr has made the statement that he will allow the investigation to continue. Um… you’re fired.

William Barr, nominated to succeed ousted Attorney General Jeff Sessions, strongly proclaimed his independence from political influence Tuesday.

Barr asserted that President Donald Trump exacted no promises of favoritism and that he would not direct the Justice Department as an extension of the White House.

In a confirmation hearing remarkable for its congeniality, the 68-year-old nominee and attorney general under President George H.W. Bush, provided unflinching assurances that he would allow Russia special counsel Robert Mueller to complete the investigation into Russia’s interference in the 2016 election.

“I’m in a position in life to provide the leadership necessary to protect the independence of this department,” Barr told the Senate Judiciary Committee. “I won’t do anything that I think is wrong; I won’t be bullied into doing anything I think is wrong.”

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[font size="8"]Kevin Stitt
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Politicians at the state, national and local levels who are so toxic that you ever wonder how they were able to get into office, much less stay there. This is:

This week: Oklahoma’s new governor Kevin Stitt. If there’s one thing republicans think they can do and do well, it’s run the government like a business. But the government is not a business. And some things just don’t make money. The sooner we accept that as a society the better. They also think that they can mix religion and politics. That’s something that never mixes well and sits in a puddle like when you mix olive oil and vinegar. So how has the two weeks since the inaguaration gone for the new governor of Oklahoma?

Oklahoma's CEO-turned-governor Kevin Stitt rocketed from virtually unknown in politics a year ago to the state's highest office, largely on his reputation as an outsider with no experience in elected office or state government.

Aided by millions of his own money, the Tulsa mortgage company owner defeated formidable GOP primary opponents, including a popular Oklahoma City mayor and a two-term lieutenant governor, before coasting to a 12-point lead over his Democratic opponent in this month's midterm elections.

But Stitt now must pivot from campaigning to governing, a delicate balancing act that requires working with an ideologically diverse Legislature. That has proven difficult for some other business leaders in other states, such as Illinois, who shifted into politics. Unlike the CEO of a company that can hire and fire top executives at will, Stitt faces the reality of being the leader in a weak-governor state, where it can take years to put his own appointees on various agency governing boards.

"One thing people find out once they get involved in politics is that there are some awfully big egos involved," said outgoing state Auditor Gary Jones, a former chairman of the Oklahoma Republican Party who ran against Stitt in the primary. "Being able to work with the House and Senate is going to take some skills."

But… but… elections have consequences. We herd a guy say that on TV once. Of course you are going to get some massive egos in politics. Especially when you start combining politics with religion and running the government like a business. Think of it like that episode of Seinfeld where George tries to combine all of his vices at once.

Newly elected Republican Gov. Kevin Stitt of Oklahoma attended an “Inaugural Prayer Service” today, during which declared that it is his mission to align the state “with what God is doing in Oklahoma,” while his wife proclaimed that it is their responsibility as Christians to use their position in elected office “to go our into our state and save people and bring people to” Jesus.

Trump-loving right-wing evangelist Lance Wallnau was in the audience at today’s prayer service and posted video of the Stitt’s remarks on his Facebook page.

“Every time I would go to prayer and I would say, ‘Lord, what do you want me to do?’ I just felt like he kept saying, ‘I already told you what to do,'” Stitt told the congregation as he recounted his decision to run for governor. “So finally I surrendered … It’s just amazing, nothing in the natural says that I’m supposed to be right here … I’m just so honored to be your governor and I just want to encourage you, when God puts anything on your hearts or on your children’s hearts, we can do anything we put our minds to.”

“I am so excited,” he continued. “It’s not about me. This is something, I pray and I tell our team when we get together, we have an opportunity to join in with what God is doing in Oklahoma … We’re going to engage the non-profits and the churches to really heal and solve some of these social issues, county by county, that the government can’t do, no law can do, but our Heavenly Father can do.”

Because just remember – it’s not about us, or you, or him. It’s about GAWD and doing GAWD’s bidding, and you always know how that turns out. Just ask our resident pastor. But in case you’re wondering what side Gov. Stitt is on, just remember that Mr. I’m More Oklahoma Than Thou, Toby Keith, performed at his inauguration. Remember the last time we saw Mr. Keith? That’s right, the orb.

Country music star and Oklahoma native Toby Keith will be among the performers at a series of events marking the inauguration of incoming Oklahoma Gov. Kevin Stitt.

The three inaugural events will take place between Jan. 10 and Jan. 14 in Lawton, Oklahoma City and Tulsa. Stitt announced Tuesday that Keith would be performing at the Oklahoma City inaugural ball on Jan. 14.

Other performers at the Oklahoma City event include the Oklahoma City Philharmonic, the Cherokee Youth Choir and country singer Jimmie Allen.

Tickets are $250-per-person for the black-tie affair.

Stitt, a Republican and political newcomer, defeated Democrat Drew Edmondson in the November election.

And you might be wondering what sort of issues does Gov. Stitt stand on? He’s a relative newcomer to the scene. Well, guess what? He’s full anti vaccination crusader. Yes, that’s right he is full on anti-vaxxer and believes that vaccines cause autism. Yup, that’s your new governor of Oklahoma.

The Republican nominee for Governor in Oklahoma expressed skepticism of childhood vaccinations in a speech earlier this year, aligning himself with a fringe movement that equates immunization with government overreach.

At an appearance before a conservative political forum this past February, Tulsa businessman Kevin Stitt said he personally did not vaccinate some his own kids and opposed legislation that would require vaccinations for children if they wanted to attend public schools.

“I believe in choice,” Stitt said, “And we’ve got six children and we don’t vaccinate, we don’t do vaccinations on all of our children. So we definitely pick and choose which ones we’re gonna do. It’s gotta be up to the parents, we can never mandate that. I think there’s legislation right now that are trying to mandate that to go to public schools, it’s absolutely wrong. My wife was home schooled, I went to public schools, our kids go to Christian school, and that’s back to a parent’s choice.”

Stitt’s comments raise the specter that Oklahoma could water down immunization laws should he be elected the state’s governor this fall. They also place him within a growing fringe of politicians who have, in recent years, expressed skepticism over the prevalence of childhood vaccinations—a group that includes President Donald Trump himself.

That’s Oklahoma governor Kevin Stitt – another one to add to the ever growing list of:

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[font size="8"]Top 10 Investigates: LA Teacher’s Strike
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It’s time to investigate beyond the headlines. This is Top 10 Investigates!

While the US government is in the midst of one of the worst shutdowns in government history, at the local level teachers are experiencing some of the worst working conditions the country has ever seen, and one district has taken their complaints to the next level and gone on strike. But now that the strike is tentatively over, the question that remains is why? Why did it happen? What are the striking teachers attempting to accomplish? Well the working conditions and teacher salaries paint a pretty abysmal picture in the Los Angeles Unified School District.

If striking Los Angeles teachers needed an omen as they rallied in Grand Park downtown Friday, Mother Nature obliged. After four days of picketing in rain and chill and gloom, the sun burst forth.

“Do you feel your power?” union President Alex Caputo-Pearl asked the masses, who stretched from the steps of City Hall through Grand Park all the way to the Music Center.

They thundered their response.

Union treasurer Alex Orozco reminded teachers that bargaining teams could hear them on the other side of the stage, inside City Hall.

Thousands raised fists, thrust signs skyward and chanted: “Let’s go, team! Let’s go, team!”

With the celebrity help of singer Aloe Blacc, musician Tom Morello and actor Sean Astin, teachers made noise and memories — and also made their point.

Yes, sun’s out guns out! These teachers braved the pouring rain – which rarely happens in Los Angeles anymore – to get better pay and working conditions. But just how bad did things get in the LA school system?

Some San Fernando Valley parents were on pins and needles this weekend to see if marathon negotiations would yield a deal to end a strike that entered its seventh day Sunday.

“I am grateful that the negotiations are underway,” said EvelynAleman, parent of a sophomore at Grover Cleveland High School inReseda. “I’m hopeful that they will, obviously, reach an agreement assoon as possible. I think that would be best for everyone.”

Weekend negotiations lasted 11 hours on Saturday and began anew after 10 a.m. Sunday. While there were no breakthroughs — at least publicly — L.A Mayor Garcetti’s own hope — and expectation — for a deal was evident on Saturday, when he noted the strike while addressing a huge crowd at the women’s march: “They deserve justice and we will get it this weekend,” he said. “Let’s hear it for the teachers.”

Aleman hoped for a message of unity and collaboration from leadership on both sides, and at the city, county and state level. She was surprised by school board member Scott Schmerelson’s statement released last week, which highlighted the discord on the board. She hoped he would have explained how he would “lead the conversation in the direction of the resolution,” she said.

Yes it’s pretty much like that. Once again, the Simpsons predict the future! While we’re hopeful that things are on the right track, negotiations have started that could see the strike ending as early as today with teachers going back to work later this week. So what is in store?

Los Angeles public school teachers reached a tentative deal with school officials on Tuesday to end a weeklong strike that had upended learning for more than half a million students in the nation’s second largest public school system.

The teachers won a 6 percent pay raise and caps on class sizes, which had become one of the most contentious issues between the union and district officials. The deal also includes hiring full-time nurses for every school, as well as enough librarians for every middle and high school in the district by the fall of 2020.

The city and county will also expand programs into public schools, providing more support services for the neediest students.

The settlement came after tens of thousands of teachers marched in downtown Los Angeles and picketed outside schools for six school days, and after a round of marathon negotiating sessions over the holiday weekend.

But as history shows us, our teachers have a long way to go before they’re out of the woods. Rising rent costs in the greater Los Angeles area and things like taxes and other necessary expenditures have hurt growth. And we can hopefully think that things are going to get better as we move forward from this strike.

In a highly anticipated move that for key organizers has been years in the making, more than 30,000 educators on Monday kicked off a strike that’s put regular K–12 classes on hiatus in the country’s second-largest public-school district. A whopping 98 percent of L.A. teachers, who because of stalled negotiations with the district have been working without a contract for more than a year, voted to authorize the strike. They are demanding smaller class sizes and more funding for support staff such as counselors and nurses. They’re also calling for higher pay, though that is less of a sticking point now that the district and teachers’ union are all but in agreement on this front, with the former offering raises that are just 0.5 percent lower than the 6 percent hikes educators are demanding.

Rodolfo Dueńas, an L.A. native and public-school teacher who is picketing, describes this burgeoning movement as a natural next step for the many Latinos like him whose activism can be traced back to the mid-1990s, when thousands of Latino teens staged a school walkout in opposition to an anti-immigrant state-ballot initiative known as Proposition 187. For many like Dueńas in the “187 Generation,” those experiences eventually drove them into teaching. And Dueńas’s generation has been following in the footsteps of the Latino education activists who came before them, during the 1968 walkouts known by some as the Mexican Student Movement.

The L.A. strike is the latest teacher uprising in a string of walkouts across the country over the past year. Strikes took place in Republican strongholds including West Virginia, Kentucky, Oklahoma, and Arizona last spring, all of them generally calling for increased funding and improved school conditions on top of better pay and benefits; smaller-scale walkouts also took place in Colorado and, just last month, Chicago, when teachers at a predominantly Latino charter-school network went on strike to demand things like smaller class sizes and stronger support for immigrant children. While the L.A. strike, which is United Teachers Los Angeles’s first strike in almost 30 years, is the latest installment of a trend driven by exasperated educators, various factors make it unique.

There you have it – Los Angeles isn’t alone, there are strikes happening all over the country. We will cover those in future editions. That’s it for Top 10 Investigates. Good day.

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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
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Gather around my fair brothers and sisters of Las Vegas! It’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate, for the Holy Church Of The Top 10 has convened and it’s time to remind you that the holiest among us are the most full of:

My fair congregation! Have a seat please! And give it up for our gospel choir, how great are they? You know… I have just returned from Washington DC. This week there was an event that the religious right of America felt the need to have their voices heard. Which is their right under GAWD that they can do that. So what has the fundamentalists’ underwear in a wad? Why are they going so nuts over this one topic that they need to hold their OWN march? Well let’s take a look at what actually happened last week that got lost in the headlines!

Conservative radio host Ben Shapiro said Friday at the annual March for Life rally in Washington, D.C., that "no pro-life person would kill baby Hitler" because "baby Hitler was a baby," with the comments quickly going viral on social media.

“The argument, I guess here, is that would you kill baby Hitler?” Shapiro said in answering a question that appeared to be submitted online during a live broadcast at the anti-abortion rally.

“And the truth is that no pro-life person on earth would kill baby Hitler, because baby Hitler wasn’t Hitler, adult Hitler was Hitler. Baby Hitler was a baby," he continued.

"What you presumably want to do with baby Hitler is take baby Hitler out of baby Hitler’s house and move baby Hitler into a better house where he would not grow up to be Hitler, right? That’s the idea.”

The hashtag #BabyHitler began trending on Twitter not long after the comments on Friday afternoon, drawing the ire of mostly liberals on the platform.


Yes. You know what? Let’s play the clip because it’s quite spectacular:

Now you know, my fair congregation, it says that in the Good Book that murder is illegal! But… that hasn’t stopped the Baby Hitler debate. In fact if you take a look at some past clips, judging on the actions of this weekend, well, they haven’t aged well.

So there you go, the very idea that murdering Baby Hitler has been the subject of some rather interesting debate. But the debate over killing Baby Hitler is actually pretty toxic for sponsors – they really don’t want anything to do with it.

Conservative commentator Ben Shapiro has now lost two sponsors of his podcast after a live recording at an anti-abortion rally in which he read advertisements out to the crowd and also mulled over the philosophical dilemma of killing “baby Hitler.”

Calm, a sleep and meditation phone app, became the second company to drop its sponsorship of Shapiro after the right-wing host appeared before thousands of abortion opponents during Friday’s March for Life rally in Washington, D.C.

“We do not align with this message,” the company posted on Twitter. “We’re pulling our sponsorship.”

Earlier Friday night, another brand, the toothbrush maker Quip, told HuffPost it was ending its sponsorship of Shapiro’s podcast over the ad readings.

“Our mission is to make good oral health more accessible to everyone, and podcast advertising is one way we’re able to realize this,” Quip said in a statement. “However, following one of our ads being read in a venue we did not endorse, we have chosen to discontinue our advertising relationship with this show. We are also taking steps to ensure all of our advertising partners are aligned with our oral health mission and values.”

Right Wing Watch reporter Jared Holt first drew attention to the ad readouts during an appearance that had already made news over Shapiro’s “baby Hitler” moment.

But while this is a touchy subject for advertisers, it’s apparently a touchy subject for Mr. Shapiro himself because thanks to his anti-abortion views, he wouldn’t kill Baby Hitler because… he’s a baby. That’s sound logic there!

Conservative commentator Ben Shapiro, appearing Friday as the keynote speaker of the annual March for Life on the National Mall in Washington, shared with his audience a head-scratching scenario about abortion and Adolf Hitler.

“The argument, I guess here, would you kill baby Hitler?” he started off, in a clip posted to Twitter. “And the truth is that no pro-life person on earth would kill baby Hitler. Because baby Hitler wasn’t Hitler — adult Hitler was Hitler. Baby Hitler was a baby.”

Shapiro, who is Jewish, offered a suggestion: “What you presumably want to do with baby Hitler is take baby Hitler out of baby Hitler’s house and move baby Hitler into a better house, where he would not grow up to be Hitler.”

The crowd erupted into applause as the clip closed.

Shapiro, a prominent supporter of the pro-life movement, appeared to be making his remarks as part of his popular podcast, HuffPost reported.

By the way let’s hear it for my gospel choir. How great are they? Can I get an amen??? Anyone remember a few years ago when Pat Robertson had that clip about the mom who lost a baby to miscarriage and then he justified it? Let’s play that!

Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOO! Boo indeed. So they’re conflicted on the message TO THIS DAY in case you can’t tell! And by the way in case you’re wondering if there really is a Baby Hitler out there, well here’s your answer!

A Neo-Nazi couple who named their child after Adolf Hitler are facing jail after they were found guilty of belonging to a banned terrorist organisation.

Adam Thomas, 22, and his girlfriend, Claudia Patatas, 38, were convicted of being members of the far-right organisation National Action, which was outlawed in 2016.

Birmingham Crown Court heard the pair gave their baby the middle name “Adolf”, which self-confessed racist Thomas told jurors was done in “admiration” for the leader of Nazi Germany.

A third defendant - a prominent member of National Action's Midlands chapter, Daniel Bogunovic, 27, of Leicester, was also convicted on Monday following the seven-week trial.

So there really is a real Baby Hitler out there! Raised by Neo Nazis at that! Well, there’s a test for this debate right now! Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]Beating A Dead Horse: The Gillette Ad
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Shut up! Yeah you! Don’t leave! Hey I’m talking to you on both sides! Can we please take a step back, take a deep breath and pull our heads out of each other’s asses? So there’s a new commercial for Gillette razors that has everyone’s collective boxers, boxer briefs, tidy whities, panties, thongs, shapewear, and Depends undergarments in wads and has reignited the ages old debate between toxic masculinism and toxic feminism. Why is this 90 second ad so controversial? Is it because it encourages ultra masculine males to be nice in their lives for once? Or is it trying to reach across the aisle and do something that no ad has done before – and actually attempt to bridge the gender gap? Well you can definitely *NOT* count on it doing the latter. And maybe the former too. So let’s show the commercial first.

That’s not so bad is it? I mean it’s literally putting Gillette’s money where their mouth is by encouraging men to be the best they can get. So why does it have everyone’s underwear in a wad?

Gillette’s new ad campaign invoking the #MeToo movement is the latest test of how big consumer brands can navigate social movements to appeal to millennials without turning off customers who don’t agree with their message or don’t believe it is well-executed.

The nearly two-minute ad from Procter & Gamble Co.’s Gillette tries to tackle sexual harassment, bullying and “toxic” masculinity. “Is this the best a man can get?” the ad released online Monday asks.

The ad, which plays on the tagline Gillette has used for three decades, “The Best A Man Can Get,” has been viewed about 17 million times on YouTube. Reaction has been divided: with 833,000 dislikes on YouTube and 421,000 likes as of Thursday morning.

In the first three days of the ad’s release, there have been more than 1.6 million mentions of Gillette on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram, as well as blogs, forums and news sites, according to data from Brandwatch, a social-media monitoring company. Tuesday had the most mentions with more than 893,000, above Gillette’s daily average of about 1,300 mentions for the previous 25 days.


Oh calm down people! It’s just an ad for razors, it’s not like they’re encouraging men to wear tights and high heels or anything. Although if they did, we would have no problem with that! Because that’s what we do here – we analyze the situation before flinging mud at it. But the men that this is targeting really have a problem with this ad. I mean for guys who love to rail on snowflakes, they really are a bunch of snowflakes aren’t they?

The enlightened ad debuted earlier this week and recasts the razor company’s “The Best a Man Can Get” slogan, urging the next generation of men to oppose harassing and mistreating women, stop bullying one another and shave off their “toxic masculinity.” Watch it below.

The company’s short film drew both praise from women’s groups and a backlash from men. As Colbert notes, one such man was “Fox & Friends” co-host Brian Kilmeade, who said, “So let’s point out all the bad things you might say about men, put them into an ad, make men feel horrible, and then say, ‘Overpay for a razor.’”

“Wow, he really gets worked up about ads,” Colbert quipped, joking about what Kilmeade’s reaction might be to other directives. “‘Please drink responsibly? Oh, so now I’m not supposed to crash my car into a nursing home, stumble out and puke in the therapy pool? Thanks for the lecture, Mike’s Hard Lemonade!’”

Colbert said he was “sincerely moved” by the Gillette ad, particularly by the boys featured at the end, but still asked: “Are our public institutions so weak that we need to be taught moral lessons by razor companies? Because first it’s Gillette, and the next thing you know, every company is going to try to jump on the woke bandwagon.”

Well you know, Stephen, let me do some man ‘splainin here. Gillette’s not the first one to do a “woke” ad. Remember last year when Nike hired Colin Kaepernick to be their spokesman and Fox News viewers got worked up for that? This is just another in a list of things that get people “triggered”. And speaking of triggering, everyone’s favorite Fox News Barbie, Tomi Lahren, attempted to troll the ad and it backfired on her big time! Yes, I do realize that last joke was sexist, but that’s what this whole thing is about! Does that make me woke?

Right-wing activist and Fox News contributor Tomi Lahren has a habit of making grand statements on Twitter and then being thoroughly owned for them.

Previous self-owns include the time when she said that she didn't listen to celebrities despite being a Trump supporter and when she was fact-checked by an 11-year-old girl over claims about money spent on the proposed border wall.

Lahren has now waded into the debate surrounding the new Gillette advert, which has created a huge backlash against the razor blade company from men's rights activists and people of a right-wing persuasion.

The advert which addresses toxic masculinity, sexual harassment and the #MeToo movement has seen a boycott of Gillette products and claims that 'not all men' are like this.

Now you might be thinking “Hey! Right wingers are triggered over this discussion! Where’s the wanton property destruction at?”. We’ve seen time and time before how Trump fans destroy property when they think they “own the libs”. Well, here’s your answer!

Gillette is facing a lot of backlash over its new ad.

The Procter & Gamble-owned brand released a new commercial called "We Believe" on Monday.

The ad is meant to confront American culture, showing men and boys bullying each other and engaging in sexual harassment. Narration then encourages them to "say the right thing" and "act the right way."


While some have praised the ad, it has caused an uproar among others. Some have taken to social media to say they are now boycotting the brand and have posted photos and videos of themselves discarding Gillette razors in protest:

Dude, you really think that the people who are throwing their razors in the toilet are the ones who are failing to get the point of the ad? Well now here’s where the salt gets rubbed in the wound. Apparently while some people are failing to see the point of the ad, others are blowing it way out of proportion! I mean it’s a fucking ad people. Do you take Aflac’s commercials as being offensive to ducks? Or Geico’s commercials as being offensive to cavemen? Really?

P&G acquired Gillette for $57 billion almost 14 years ago to the day this year. What seemed to be a brilliant move, buying a high-margin, market-dominant brand, this soured quickly as grooming habits changed and competition intensified. The biggest threat came from Dollar Shave Club, a direct-to-consumer start-up with great appeal for Millennials. It ships its customers a month worth of razors for just $1, a deep discount tin comparison to Gillette’s price.

In the new commercial from Grey, Gillette, a company which made billions of dollars from men for over a century, disparages every one of those very same men. The brand clumsily attempts to contemporize its long-lasting slogan, “The Best a Man Can Get”, by featuring sinister males bullying and harassing – an action which Gillette describes as "toxic” masculinity. The ad is amateurishly stereotypical and mostly offers a caricature of masculinity.

What makes this ad so offensive is that Gillette doesn’t just condemn bad behavior, something most men do as well. It implies that the vulgar behavior represents the norm among men and, in doing so, it smears an entire gender. Substitute another gender, or ethnic group, in place of men”, and you start getting a sense how outlandish this insight is.

The single most insulting moment of the 90-second video comes at :37, showing a bunch of men standing in a row behind their outdoor grills, in menacing posture. It’s not just that it screams clichés and stereotypes. Imagine a row of women as props in front of washing machines or ovens baking cookies (none of the grills contain meat, BTW. Only vegetables. Seems the food police visited the set during the shoot).

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[font size="8"]We’re All Gonna Die
[br] [/font]

Hey everyone guess what! We’re all gonna die in a horrible fiery apocalypse! Woooooooo!!! Well at least one sign of the apocalypse is happening this week and like all horrible things that have been happening lately, this involves our good friends in Russia. See, while we’re arguing back and forth about the validity of masculinity in commercials, they’re developing new and better ways to kill us and turn world elections on their ears. This week it was announced that the Russian navy has received a group of smart torpedoes. Great, that’s what we need – missiles that have the ability to become self aware! So here’s how they’re going to kill us this week, and it could possibly be even more horrible than you might imagine!

Russian state news media is reporting that the country’s armed forces will receive more than thirty, long-range nuclear-tipped super-torpedoes. Named Poseidon, the super-torpedoes will be armed with thermonuclear warheads designed to obliterate coastal cities and other targets and spread lethal radioactive fallout. The fast-moving, nuclear armed torpedo would be difficult for U.S. and allied forces to stop, and failure to do so would guarantee the deaths of millions.

Poseidon, originally known as Kanyon or Status 6, was originally revealed in in November 2015 when the weapon’s name and a picture were “accidentally” leaked by Russian state television. The leaked information included a range of 6,200 miles, maximum submergence depth of 3,280 feet and a top speed of 56 knots, which works out to 64 miles an hour on land. The name was changed to Poseidon in 2018, and full scale tests are anticipated to begin this year.

Now, TASS media agency is reporting Moscow will procure 32 Poseidon torpedoes, with sixteen based with the country’s Northern Fleet and sixteen based with the country’s Pacific Fleet. Poseidon missiles based with the Northern Fleet could attack targets in Europe, Canada, and the East Coast of the United States, while Pacific Fleet torpedoes could attack Japan, China, Canada and the West Coast of the U.S.

Poseidon will be the largest torpedo designed by any country, with a diameter of 6.5 feet and a length of 65 feet. It will be nuclear powered, giving it the ability to cross the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans solo. It will be inertially guided, allowing it to avoid the need to surface to get a GPS fix on its position. The warhead was previously claimed to be up to 200 megatons but is now reported at 2 megatons. While not as horribly over the top as a 200 megaton weapon, it’s still worth keeping in mind that 2 megatons = 2,000 kilotons—and the Hiroshima nuclear blast was a mere 16 kilotons.

Calm down, we’re all not gonna die yet. Because guess who Trump has in charge that can ease people’s biggest fears about situations where the entire world is at risk? That’s right, we’ve got Secretary Of State Mike Pompeo. A guy who keeps a Bible on his desk open at his desk every day to remind him of “God and country”. Is it any wonder why he might not be the best man to bring stop the rapture? Or is he here to help escalate it?

Mike Pompeo keeps a bible open at his desk to remind him of “God, and his word and the truth”, he told an audience in Cairo on Friday. The US secretary of state also appears to keep a darts board of Barack Obama’s face in his office. That America’s chief diplomat would give a speech in Egypt is unremarkable. That he would give one attacking the last US president is less normal, though not unprecedented. That he would start with a declaration of his evangelical faith is even less typical, but still pardonable. To do all three at once — attacking America’s last president in the Middle East in a speech to a Muslim audience that was aimed at Christian radicals — is in a category of one. It’s certainly not diplomacy.

But that’s the kind of politician he is. As Julian Borger reminds us in the Guardian, Pompeo is a genuine, end-of-days, believer in the apocalypse. It’s a cloud-parting eschatology he shares with Mike Pence, the vice-president. “We will continue to fight these battles,” Pompeo told a church congregation in Wichita three years ago. “It is a never-ending struggle . . . until the rapture. Be a part of it. Be in the fight.” Generally I believe a public figure’s beliefs should be irrelevant to their job. Whether they’re atheist, Opus Dei, Buddhist or Muslim, should have no bearing on our assessment of their fitness for office. Yet I can’t help but feel anxious that both of Donald Trump’s main global envoys, Pompeo and Pence, have a conflict between their private beliefs and what they publicly claim to be doing.

Hey Christian right, I believe the goal of Armageddon was to stop it, not escalate it! Yeah so Russia is most likely going to kill us all and Mike Pompeo is doing everything in his path to help escalate the situation. But if Russia doesn’t kill us all, North Korea might! Remember when Trump was bragging about how he helped progress with North Korea more than any other president? Would you be surprised that he was wrong this whole time? I’m shocked, shocked I tell you!!!!

WASHINGTON — With a second U.S.-North Korea nuclear summit looming in February, researchers have discovered a secret ballistic missile base in North Korea — one of as many as 20 undisclosed missile sites in the country, according to the researchers’ new report.

The Kim regime has never disclosed the existence of the Sino-ri Missile Operating Base to the outside world. Ballistic missiles are the primary delivery mechanism for North Korean nuclear warheads.

The report from Beyond Parallel, a project sponsored by the Center for Strategic and International Studies (CSIS), a defense think tank, was released Monday and comes after an announcement Friday that President Donald Trump "looks forward" to meeting with Chairman Kim Jong Un next month "at a place to be announced at a later date."

The White House did not immediately respond to a request for comment.

But if you’re going to go through the end times, there’s plenty of people who have your back, like Jim Bakker who sells end times survival food buckets, but for Jesus. But not to be outdone, Costco has entered the Doomsday Prepper market! Gee, this will be the perfect thing to eat from your underground bunker while the rest of the world dies from radiation poisoning!

If we’re all about to wind up in an apocalyptic hellscape, at least Costco is making sure we won’t starve (for awhile)—we may even enjoy our long-lasting, vast quantities of food. On the heels of its near-seven-pound tub of Nutella, Costco now offers a 27-pound bucket of mac-and-cheese with a 20-year shelf life.

Inside the six-gallon bucket are 180 servings of mac-and-cheese, stored in separate individual pouches of noodles and cheese sauce. All this can be yours as a Costco member for under $100.

Or rather, could have been. Time reports that less than 24 hours after People announced the existence of said mac-and-cheese bucket, the item has sold out. Sure enough, it is listed as “out of stock” on Costco’s all-important Emergency Kits & Supplies Section on its website. May we interest you instead in 60 servings of Mountain House Freeze Dried Breakfast Skillet or Lasagna With Meat Sauce for $160? You can also go for Mountain House’s 204-serving, 30-day Outdoor Adventure Meal kit for just under $500. Or, just stock up on those Nutella jars.

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[font size="8"]I Need A Drink
[br] [/font]

Yo Las Vegas – we’re here on Fremont St and I really need a drink!

Now normally the idea behind this segment is that we have a few drinks and discuss just about anything in the news as long as it doesn’t relate to politics. But this week, politics are having a huge effect on the industry that is responsible for this segment – drinking. Yes, the drinking industry is being heavily affected by the Trump led shutdown. So tell me bartender, is there anything that goes well with a craft beer shortage? More beer? Great! I think I will have some beer and then some more beer. But people it’s bad. You know we have that funky president in the White House who is fucking with just about everything and ruining just about everything that he touches. So how does that affect my and your drinking? Well a great deal!

There's trouble brewing in the craft beer industry over the government shutdown.

Because the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives (ATF) has been furloughed by the partial government shutdown, breweries have been unable to secure necessary approvals from the agency's tax and trade bureau — ranging from permits for new facilities to new labels on cans.

In a business dependent on releasing and marketing new beers regularly to quench its customers' expectations for novelty, those delays could potentially be financially devastating.

"It’s really that question mark that’s the scary part, because we don’t have that end in sight," Mariah Scanlon, brand manager for Smuttlab, a line from Smuttynose Brewing Company in Hampton, New Hampshire, told NBC News.

"You can’t develop a contingency strategy without knowing how long [the shutdown] is going to go on."

Yeah so there unfortunately wont be any of that happening until this mess gets sorted out. But it’s not good right now in the world of craft beer. There’s no ATF and there’s no FDA so that means that breweries can’t get permits to brew and to distribute. But that’s not all. How much worse can it get?

Fat Point Brewing has some beer in a tank without a home inside a can.

The Punta Gorda brewers have had their share of hiccups. They almost shuttered in 2017, before Tampa Bay's Big Storm Brewing swooped in and acquired the microbrewery. Now, just as some of its tap-only beers were finally en route to make their canned debut, another snag.

This time, the federal government.

The government has to sign off every time a brewer comes up with a new variety and label. Three Fat Point beers — including a “malty” 80 Degrees Winter Warmer — are awaiting approval. But Fat Point's Tampa Bay parent company might not hear back for a while. More than 192,000 labels are sitting in an ever-growing queue creating a worrisome backlog for alcohol makers across the country.

The government has to sign off every time a brewer comes up with a new variety and label. Three Fat Point beers — including a “malty” 80 Degrees Winter Warmer — are awaiting approval. But Fat Point's Tampa Bay parent company might not hear back for a while. More than 192,000 labels are sitting in an ever-growing queue creating a worrisome backlog for alcohol makers across the country.

Speaking of which, I need some more learning juice! Ahh… that’s the stuff! So just so we’re being clear this is not existing beers that’s being affected, so go ahead and chug those Stone IPAs, Deschutes Porters, and Widmer Hefs because those are still being produced. It’s new product lines and distribution channels that are being affected. So what that means is that your favorite breweries can’t expand and they can’t market that new 15% barrel aged peach sour at $25 a bottle. How’s that affecting business you might ask?

Mike Yohannes has run a food stand in downtown Washington for the past 20 years, surviving economic downturns while selling hot dogs, candy bars and an assortment of other edible items.

But the latest government shutdown could be the death knell for his business.
Foot traffic is markedly down at the corner of Pennsylvania Avenue and 11th Street where he operates, and Yohannes said sales have fallen about 60 percent during the closure, which has affected nearby federal offices, museums and other tourist spots.

“Business is very, very bad,” said Johannes, adding that he pays about $525 in license and other fees every three months, besides food costs. “If it continues like this another two, three months, I’m looking at another job.”

While President Donald Trump and Democratic congressional leaders haggle over his demand for $5.7 billion to fund a southern border wall – both sides went on national TV to argue their case Tuesday night – millions of Americans increasingly feel the impact of the impasse.

I could down a whole six pack in the amount of time it’s taking to get through this! And this can’t be good for business. I mean we’re three weeks into this mess and it’s only going to get worse. Now if only I had something to ease the pain of waiting for my favorite brewery to produce new beers! I know, I need some more beer!

The federal shutdown is beginning to have an impact on one of Colorado's favorite things: craft beer.

Every time a new beer is produced and sold across state lines, the label has to be approved by the Alcohol and Tobacco Tax and Trade Bureau. The agency isn't working during the shutdown.

"We spend a lot of time developing our new recipes," says Matt Cutter, the founder of Boulder's Upslope Brewing Company. "Now, all of that is completely on hold."

Cutter says Upslope has quickly grown in popularity over the past 10 years.

"We are in seven out-of-state markets, plus Colorado," says Cutter. "In order to distribute to those states, we're required to have the Tax and Trade Bureau approve the label."

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[font size="8"]Deep State Diaries Episode 26: The Fed
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It’s time for episode 26 of Deep State Diaries. Yes we’re touring the many branches and services that make up the United States government. Everything from the FBI to the IRS to the Pentagon to the CIA to the DPW to the DVA to parks and recreation and all branches and services in between. Of course if you’re here you probably already know more about our government and how it works than your average Fox News loving Trump supporter does. So that’s what this segment is going to address. We are going to do a deep dive into all that makes the United States the United States. Because we here at the Top 10 love to educate as well as entertain. Because we care.

[font size="6"]The Fed[/font]

We need some music for this one!

So now we come to the branch of the government that handles our money – the United States Federal Reserve. Known in short as “The Fed”. So what does the Fed do exactly? Well the Fed is basically the central bank of the United States. It’s the branch of government that monitors our money and sets the value of our currency and it also controls the flow of money as to help with current financial crises. Well, with the shutdown over this ridiculous wall, I say good luck with that one! The Fed also regulates the banks to prevent economic crashes. So here’s what is going on with the Fed currently:

Federal Reserve officials next week will continue to stress that they will be “patient,” and that is largely being interpreted at this point to mean no hikes until at least June, economists said.

Since the financial market turmoil after their December meeting, so many Fed officials used the word in their speeches that it felt like the central bank has “done all but take out a Super Bowl ad that repeatedly flashes the word “PATIENT,” said Blake Gwinn, a market strategist at NatWest, in a note to clients.

But what does patient mean exactly?

“A March hike is unlikely at this point, that’s how I would interpret patience,” said Andrew Hollenhorst, chief U.S. economist at Citigroup.

Vince Reinhart, chief economist and investment strategist at Standish, agreed: “They’re saying they are taking a pass on March.”

That’s right – everything burns! Even money! But hey no shutdown agreement means that we have no Fed, so how is that working? How are they dealing with Trump? Well, things are going about as well as you might expect. Why try to argue with the guy who burned the forest down?

President Trump's months-long feud with the Federal Reserve is cooling off as central bank officials indicate a pause in interest rate hikes.

Various Fed officials this week have said they're reluctant to move forward with raising borrowing costs while inflation remains low and the economy continues to add jobs.

The bank's policymakers are expected to hike rates twice this year, down from four times in 2018, but some of the Fed's most hawkish members have moved away from that projection in recent remarks.

Trump has repeatedly hit the Fed and its chairman, Jerome Powell, since July for raising rates. The president has said the central bank poses "the biggest threat" to the economy and blamed it for triggering a December stock sell-off that was the worst since the Great Depression.

But with a rate hike unlikely until March at the earliest, Trump's anger with his preferred economic scapegoat appears to be easing.

Damn straight! Even Mueller is working with the Fed to take down a hostile foreign bank with ties to some dark money. Yes, for you conspiracy theorists out there, there really is an actual conspiracy unfolding in front of our very eyes. Only it doesn’t involve Hillary Clinton and pizza parlors. Instead, it involves Germany!

The Federal Reserve is investigating billions of dollars in suspicious transactions involving Deutsche Bank AG and Denmark’s Danske Bank.

Investigators are examining whether Deutsche Bank’s U.S. operations adequately monitored funds sent through an Estonian branch of Danske Bank A/S, which the Danish bank has admitted handled up to $230 billion in dirty money, reported Bloomberg.

Two sources briefed on the probe confirmed the investigation, which Deutsche Bank denied in an emailed statement.

“(The bank) received several requests for information from regulators and law enforcement agencies around the world,” Deutsche Bank said. “It is not surprising at all that the investigating authorities and banks themselves have an interest in the Danske case and the lessons to be learned from it. Deutsche Bank continues to provide information to and cooperate with the investigating agencies.”

Yes let’s all throw money at the problem! That will make it go away! Except that it helps the rich get richer and the wrong people get rich. Especially when it comes to touchy subjects like our nation’s crippling student loan debt, how does the Fed deal with something like that?

Student debt has obviously forced some number of young adults to either delay or give up on homeownership. But how many, exactly? A group of economists from the Federal Reserve Board have taken a stab at answering that question, and come up with a number that is noteworthy even if some might find it surprisingly low.

Between 2005 and 2014, the share of young adults who owned a house fell by almost 9 percentage points, more than double the drop seen among Americans overall. The Fed team’s upcoming paper, summarized in a new research note, concludes that just 2 percentage points of that decline were due to rising student debt levels—meaning that college loans locked somewhere over 400,000 individuals out of home ownership that year.

That’s not a small number. But it’s a bit below what you might expect, given the generationally important role student debt has played in Millennials’ financial lives.

The way the authors arrive at their conclusion is a bit complicated. Using credit and education data on Americans who were between the ages of 24 and 32 in 2005, they create a model estimating the impact of student debt on the probability that an individual would own a home.

[font size="6"]Score Card [/font]

Overall importance: A
How Things Are Going: B-
Likely hood To Survive: B+

Overall: B+

[font size="6"]Next Week [/font]

Next week we’re going to get drunk, smoke some cigars and shoot some guns as we hang out with the Bureau Of Alcohol, Tobacco & Firearms!

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8”] The Claypool Lennon Delirium[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen, my next guest are the duo of Les Claypool and Sean Lennon! They have a new album coming out called “South Of Reality” which will be available everywhere on Feb. 22nd. You can see them live on tour this March and April. Playing their new song “Blood & Rockets”, give it up for the Claypool Lennon Delirium!

Thank you Vegas! This was fun! We will be back soon! We are off to Salt Lake City next! See you next week!


Host: Initech
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of Live Audience At: Jokester’s Comedy Club, Las Vegas, NV
Special Thanks To: Jokester’s Management
Holy Shit Gospel Choir: UNLV Choir Club, Las Vegas
Images: All images copyright belongs to respective copyright holders.
Videos: All videos copyright belongs to respective copyright holders
Articles: All article content copyright belongs to respective copyright holders
Writing: Top 10 Writing Department
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HR: Top 10 Human Resources Department
Initech’s Wardrobe Provided By: JAB Inc.
Wheel Of Corruption By: Studio 1 Stage Props, Burbank, CA
The Claypool Lennon Delirium Appear Courtesy Of: ATO Records
Management: Initech Productions, CCC Management
Follow The Top 10 On Twitter at: @10Idiots
Questions? Comments? Complaints? Hate mail? E-mail The Top 10 at: Top10ConIdiots@gmail.com

Initech Productions: Yes, We Got The Memo

Posted by Top 10 Idiots | Wed Jan 23, 2019, 05:00 PM (0 replies)

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #6-2: House Of Carbs Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #6-2: House Of Carbs Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots!! 15 minutes with us can save you $500 or more on your car insurance. We are back! What’s up Seattle? You guys doing good? Yeah so you know computer glitches and technological difficulties kept us from being here the last time which was back in September, but we are here now! This is a great city, I always have fun when I’m here although I will say visiting in January? Probably not the greatest idea we’ve had lately. But we’re going to hunker down and power through it and move on to the next week because that’s what we do here. At least we’ll get some Beechers Mac & Cheese out of it. Because that’s why we do this – it’s for the mac n’ cheese. I’m just kidding, we do this for you guys. Do we have time for the thing? Yes? OK good. So we have to talk about this old clip that recently surfaced. And for those of you who follow what’s going on you can see where I’m going with this. There was an old western series from the 1950s called Trackdown. And this was a wild west series starring Robert Culp that aired for two seasons on CBS. And one episode in particular is called “The End Of The World”, which was the 30th episode of the series. So the antagonist in the show is named “Walter Trump”. Again, you can see where I’m going with this. Well, Mr. Trump warns the townspeople that impending disaster is coming and that the only way to save their impending doom is guess what? That’s right – a wall. And you know what? Fuck it, we’re going to forgo our usual talk show clip and show this in its’ entirety because it’s utterly spectacular. He even acts like Trump! This is a crazy example of life imitating art. Let’s show that!

So where do we begin for this week? For the number one slot this week is of course the guy who we currently call president, Donald J. Trump (1) and on Monday, he had the NCAA football champion Clemson Tigers over for the traditional White House visit. But the food he served, well, let’s say it needs improvement. In the second slot this week is also Donald J. Trump (2) and oh my god, the hits just keep on coming and whew, he might have had his worst week ever! For the third slot this week is Steve King (3) and if you have to ask whether or not it’s OK to be racist, you’re a racist. Taking the 4th slot this week is the Alt Right (4) which includes Laura Loomer accidentally proving why walls don’t work and Alex Jones getting his ass handed to him in court, among other things. In the fifth slot this week is our weekly investigative piece Top 10 Investigates (5) and this week is of course the annual CES in Las Vegas and we’re going to talk about all the strange and weird tech coming out of the conference. In the sixth slot this week is of course our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in “Holy Shit”, and this week our resident pastor is going to ask the question that’s on everybody’s minds – “would Jesus build the wall?”. The answer might surprise you! For the seventh slot this week we have a brand new edition of “Beating A Dead Horse” and in light of Kevin Hart getting snubbed for the Oscars hosting job, how old is too old for a tweet to still be relevant? We will get to the bottom of this mystery! For the 8th slot this week, Youtube star Logan Paul (8) is back in the news for of course all the wrong reasons, and we’re going to ask “Logan Paul’s Youtube Channel: How Is This Still A Thing?”. For the number 9 (NEIN!!!!) we have a new People Are Dumb, because well, stupid doesn’t take a holiday, and neither do we! Except of course for all the holidays we actually do take. And our next installment of our ongoing series that explains how government works to conspiracy theorists, Deep State Diaries, is going into deep space and hanging out with NASA! Plus we have some live music for you from Rufus Du Sol! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]Donald J. Trump & The Terrible, Horrible, No Good Very Bad Week
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Congratulations to the Clemson Tigers for winning this year’s College National Championship. What a game that was! I mean Alabama got their asses handed to them didn’t they? Well the Tigers will get to visit the White House. And remember what an honor that used to be? Well thanks to a certain guy who is currently called president, they might want to reconsider. Especially considering that he’s channeling his inner Richmond Valentine from the movie “Kingsman: The Secret Service”. Or maybe Kevin Spacey from House Of Cards. OK, bad example. Well, Clemson, here’s what you got waiting for you!

The Clemson football team’s visit to the White House on Monday night is going to be a greasy one.

The Tigers were invited by President Donald Trump to celebrate their national championship victory over Alabama and, according to Trump, the menu is going to be all fast food.

“I think we’re going to serve McDonald’s, Wendy’s and Burger King’s [sic], with some pizza,” Trump said. “I really mean it. It’ll be interesting. I think that would be their favorite food, so we’ll see what happens.”

It sounds like Clemson will be getting the authentic White House experience, enjoying some of the president’s favorite foods. In a book about the 2016 campaign, two top Trump aides wrote that the “four major food groups” on Trump’s plane were “McDonald’s, Kentucky Fried Chicken, pizza and Diet Coke.”

The menu probably isn’t a hit with Clemson Director of Football Nutrition Paul Harrington, though. We’ve emailed Harrington for his thoughts and will update this post if he gets back to us.

That’s right! No shut down means no White House staff which means no White House kitchen staff to cook for the Clemson team! So you could say that this is a House Of Carbs! And by the way this is what happens when the country is run by the less sophisticated – they actually enjoyed it! Either their standards are incredibly low or they haven’t had a decent meal in months! What is Clemson feeding them?

President Donald Trump paid tribute to college football champion Clemson for winning the College Football Playoff National Championship at a White House ceremony Monday evening.

Trump said he paid for their meal of "American fast food'' because of the partial government shutdown. He did not disclose the tab.

"We went off and we ordered American fast food, paid for by me. Lots of hamburgers, lots of pizza,'' Trump said after returning to the White House from a trip to New Orleans. "I think they'd like it better than anything we could give."

Some players "whooped" when they saw the spread, according a pool report.

"We have some very large people that like eating, so I think we're going to have a little fun," said the president, a fast-food lover himself.

Spokeswoman Sarah Huckabee Sanders said much of the staff that works in the White House residence has been furloughed due to the shutdown, "so the president is personally paying for the event to be catered with some of everyone's favorite fast foods."

Wow, how our standards have fallen as a society. Really he’s the kind of guy who would replace the White House kitchen with a McDonalds and Burger King just because he could. And he’s also fat and has no taste. And by the way let’s show that picture of Trump with the spread.

First off why is Trump like so proud of this? He’s feeding a championship football team garbage fast food that you can buy at the Flying J off the interstate. And second, why is he doing jazz hands? Ah, never mind, I have the answer! Just look at what Abe Lincoln is doing in the background!

By the way you’re wondering how much this spread costs, well…

Trump said, “So I had a choice. Do we have no food for you? Because we have a shutdown,” Business Insider reported. “Or do we give you some little, quick salads that the First Lady will make?”

White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders in a statement blamed Democrats for the shutdown and said that Trump was personally paying for the food.

The White House didn’t release the cost of the meal, but some news outlets tried to estimate the expense. The Post worked it out to be $2,911.44—or maybe $2,437.11, depending on whether the food came from the 2-for-$5 menu.

USA Today estimated the expense to be $861.72. Maybe the difference came down to what was included. USA Today didn’t include french fries or pizza, which Trump said would be part of the order, because none appeared in the pictures they used for their estimate.

Yeah so he spent $860 on fucking fast food. Really there were no other restaurants around? I mean you don’t own one that’s literally 5 miles from where you live? That wouldn’t work? Oh fuck it. I give up sometimes. And by the way here’s how much of a flaming narcissist Trump is. Not only did he pay for the food, he also said it was all food he likes, and he didn’t even get the quantities right!

Imagine being invited to the White House for dinner. You pack your best suit or dress and fly up to Washington, D.C. The day of the dinner, the president announces to reporters that he will be serving you fast food. He seems really excited about it. “I think we’re going to serve McDonald’s, Wendy’s and Burger King with some pizza,” he says. “I really meant it. It’ll be interesting. I would think that’s their favorite food. So we’ll see what happens.”

He has to be kidding, right? He really means it? It’ll be interesting? We’ll see what happens? A few hours later you head to the White House, go through security and enter the State Dining Room. This is what you see:

Yes, President Trump served selections from McDonald’s, Wendy’s and Burger King to the Clemson Tigers football team, who were in Washington on Monday to celebrate their national championship. The scene was surreal, with boxes of Quarter Pounders piled high on the White House’s silver serving ware. Sterling gravy boats were stuffed with dipping sauce containers. Fries had been removed from their original packaging and put into paper cups emblazoned with the presidential seal.

Trump was beaming. “I like it all,” the president said as aides lit an ornate candelabra. “It’s all good stuff. Great American food. It will be very interesting to see at the end of this evening how many are left.” He added that “the Republicans are really, really sticking together” and that “we need border security.”

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
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Pop quiz hot shot! You’re Donald J. Trump, and we all know that Trump is the best at everything, he knows the most about everything, and you’re faced with a government shutdown that you yourself caused, which is now considered the longest in American history. What do you do? Sulk? Tweet angrily on the toilet about it? Or do you just make shit up? Well if you’re Trump, you can probably guess that he just made shit up. I mean Fox News clouds his brain so much that he literally can’t decipher right from wrong, and you can imagine how well that went.

The Trump administration now estimates that the cost of the government shutdown will be twice as steep as originally forecast.

The original estimate that the partial shutdown would subtract 0.1 percentage point from growth every two weeks has now been doubled to a 0.1 percentage point subtraction every week, according to an official who asked not to be named.

The administration had initially counted just the impact from the 800,000 federal workers not receiving their paychecks. But they now believe the impact doubles, due to greater losses from private contractors also out of work and other government spending and functions that won’t occur.

If the shutdown lasts the rest of this month, it could subtract a sizable half a percentage point from gross domestic product, the official said.

The subtraction from growth would add to the troubles of an economy already thought to be slowing from the waning effects of tax stimulus, trade tensions and gathering global weakness.

And what’s the over – under on how long the shutdown is going to go? Well considering what a man child that Trump is, it could go on indefinitely. He’s actually pretty proud of it. I mean he engineered this and is blaming the dems to get away with it, because reasons. Also, liberal derangement syndrome. So how deep does his LDS go? Well pretty deep.

President Trump on Monday shared an op-ed from a writer claiming to be an anonymous senior member of his administration who harshly criticizes federal workers as disloyal to the White House and worthy of losing their jobs.

The writer of the op-ed, published by conservative news site The Daily Caller, argues the partial government shutdown is an opportunity for Trump to greatly reduce the size of government.

“On an average day, roughly 15 percent of the employees around me are exceptional patriots serving their country. I wish I could give competitive salaries to them and no one else,” the op-ed reads. “But 80 percent feel no pressure to produce results. If they don’t feel like doing what they are told, they don’t.”

Later in the op-ed, the author states that the first goal of the shutdown should be to win better security particularly at the southern border. Uniformed border officials should be paid, but nonessential employees should be let go, the author writes.

So you only want to give salaries to people who you think are “patriots”? And why should that other 80%? You know why they’re not compelled to produce results? Because they’re not getting paid to do so! Yeah money is a big motivator! If I didn’t know any better, I would say this is DJT & The Terrible, Horrible, No Good Very Bad Week. I mean what happens when you painted yourself into a corner when you’re in a round office? Only Trump could do that.

New polling indicates that President Donald Trump does not have a winning option to get out of this partial government shutdown, and his position is deteriorating.

Let's start with the most important fact when it comes to gaming out the shutdown: the President is becoming more unpopular. His net approval rating (approval rating -- disapproval rating) in an average of polls before the shutdown was -10 points. It's now down to -14 points. That may not seem like a big drop but remember this is a president who has had among the most stable approval ratings on record.
Now, one move the President could decide to take to help his own standing is to push harder on the shutdown. Yet, the longer the shutdown goes, and the harder Trump has pushed his position, the more Americans are blaming him for it.

In a Quinnipiac University poll taken before the shutdown, 51% of voters said they'd blame the Republicans for the shutdown to 37% who said they'd blame the Democrats. A Quinnipiac poll conducted over the last week now puts Republican blame at 56% and Democratic blame at 36%. Put another way, voters are 5 points more likely to blame Republicans and 1 point less likely to blame Democrats for the shutdown than they were before the shutdown began.

By the way, no, you fucking idiots, this is not a vacation. There’s people still working and not getting paid any money to do their jobs. This talking point really needs to die the horrible death it very much deserves. I mean you can’t possibly get any lower than thinking people who are basically fired are just taking a vacation.

White House economic adviser Kevin Hassett said furloughed federal workers who are not getting paid during the partial government shutdown are "better off" because they didn't have to use vacation days.
"Huge share of government workers were going to take vacation days, say between Christmas and New Year's. And then we have a shutdown and so they can't go to work, and so then they have the vacation but they don't have to use their vacation days," Hassett told PBS during an appearance on "NewsHour."
On Saturday, the ongoing partial government shutdown broke the record to become the longest government shutdown in US history -- with no end in sight. The shutdown has impacted roughly a quarter of the federal government and hundreds of thousands of federal workers. An estimated 800,000 federal workers have been affected by the lapse in funding -- either by having to work without pay while it lasts or by being furloughed.
"And then they come back and then they get their back pay, then they're, in some sense they're better off," Hassett said.

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[font size="8"]Steve King
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Hey it’s time to play a game!

Hey I’m your host for this game! So… audience… IS IT RACIST??? Yeah probably. I’m of course talking about the fact that Iowa representative Steve King (R-Obviously) screwed the pooch by asking about the validity of white supremacism and why it’s a bad thing in society. Hey Mr. King, if you have to ask, you’re a racist! So why is white supremacy such a bad thing in society? Well for one thing it is against American ideals where everyone is free and equal. And two, I don’t know, we fought a whole fucking world war over it! So what happened?

In a Thursday interview with The New York Times, Rep. Steve King (R-IA) decried the demonization of the term “white supremacist,” and wondered why it had become deemed to be offensive in the first place. King first claimed that he supported immigrants who came to America legally and assimilated into the culture—because, he said, maintaining a white European “culture of America” is more important than maintaining racial homogeneity. “White nationalist, white supremacist, Western civilization—how did that language become offensive?” King added. “Why did I sit in classes teaching me about the merits of our history and our civilization?”

King’s extremist ideology has ostracized him from some in the Republican Party, but has been embraced by President Trump and is reflected in his agenda. Early on in Trump’s term, the president invited King to the Oval Office, where he boasted of having raised more money for the congressman’s campaigns than anyone else, King recalled in an interview with the Times. “Yes, Mr. President,” King replied. “But I market-tested your immigration policy for 14 years, and that ought to be worth something.”

That is a good question! So Steve King is apparently too extreme for this party, and this is in an era where white supremacism has been made fashionable again! When you’re too extreme for this bunch, that’s pretty fucking extreme. Just how toxic is Steve King?

House Republican leaders removed Representative Steve King of Iowa from the Judiciary and Agriculture Committees on Monday night as party officials scrambled to appear tough on racism and contain damage from comments Mr. King made to The New York Times questioning why white supremacy is considered offensive.

The punishment came on a day when Mr. King was denounced by an array of Republican leaders, though not President Trump. The Senate majority leader, Mitch McConnell, suggested Mr. King find “another line of work” and Senator Mitt Romney said he should quit. And the House Republicans, in an attempt to be proactive, stripped him of the committee seats in the face of multiple Democratic resolutions to censure Mr. King that are being introduced this week.

Those measures would force Republicans to take a stand on the House Democratic majority’s attempt to publicly reprimand one of their own.

Mr. King, who has been an ally of President Trump on the border wall and other issues, has a long history of making racist remarks and insults about immigrants, but has not drawn rebukes from Republican leaders until recently. In November, top Iowa Republicans like Senator Charles E. Grassley endorsed Mr. King for re-election even after one House Republican official came out and denounced him as a white supremacist.

That’s right! Steve King got shitcanned from all of his committee assignments. And that is a pretty big deal to get that to happen. The bottom line if you have to ask whether or not racism is acceptable again, you’re a fucking racist. He’s even so extreme that the republican party has called for him to resign over this remark.

Rep. Liz Cheney (R-Wy.), the third-ranking House Republican, on Tuesday said Rep. Steve King (R-Iowa) should step down after he questioned why the term “white supremacist” was considered offensive.

“I think he should find another line of work,” Cheney told reporters. “His language questioning whether or not the notion of white supremacy is offensive is absolutely abhorrent, it’s racist, we do not support it or agree with it.”

She said she agrees with Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.), who on Sunday called King’s remarks to The New York Times “unwelcome and unworthy of his elected position.”

House Republicans stripped King of congressional committee assignments on Monday in response to the veteran lawmaker’s remarks. King had served on the House committees on agriculture, the judiciary and small business.

You tell ‘em Bruce! And here’s the thing – this is the party that made racism and white supremacism fashionable again. It’s all about projection. You know – that thing that Trump tries to do when he can’t think of an actual solution to a problem. And by the way you wonder what they’re saying on Fox? They are literally doing everything they can to avoid the 800 pound gorilla in the room.

With sunrise Tuesday, a new day dawned for Rep. Steve King (R-Iowa). Less than 24 hours prior, the eight-term congressman had been stripped of his committee positions by the new Republican leadership in the 116th Congress, a result of his being unusually careless in espousing his views on white nationalism in an interview with the New York Times last week.

The story had attracted national media attention, with many of his colleagues criticizing the rhetorical question he posed to the Times' Trip Gabriel: “White nationalist, white supremacist, Western civilization — how did that language become offensive?”

President Trump, at least, reserved judgment.

“I haven’t been following it,” Trump said at the White House on Monday. “I really haven’t been following it.”

In one sense, it’s surprising — unbelievable, really — that a president would be unfamiliar with his party’s House caucus punishing a sitting member. Particularly when that president has faced similar criticism about the nature of his rhetoric. But in another sense, it does seem fitting. After all, much of Trump’s awareness of what’s going on in the world is driven by what he sees on Fox News.

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[font size="8"]The Alt Right
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So just like Trump is having his worst week ever, the Alt Right is having their worst week ever. Can we all just hope that this alt right fad dies the horrible death it deserves? Can we banish them to the realm of Members Only, MC Hammer, and the Macarena? Well this might be my favorite story of the week. So Alt Right Barbie Laura Loomer (now with 50% more libtard owning catchphrases!), fresh off her recent stint chaining herself to Twitter headquarters (see: Idiots #5-22 ), decided to prove once and for all why having a wall is a bad idea.

Right-wing activist Laura Loomer reportedly jumped the fence around House Speaker Nancy Pelosi's California house on Monday and set up a tent to protest, according to a Daily Beast reporter.

The reporter, Will Sommer, tweeted at around 3 p.m. EST: "Laura Loomer has walked off the stream, on her way to Pelosi's house. One of her crew is claiming that it's legal to jump the fence because there were no 'no-trespassing' signs. I don't know about that!"

"One of Loomer's pals is urging viewers to come and ask for 'sanctuary' at Pelosi's house. He claims they'll be allowed to stay and won't get in legal trouble because 'we're not antifa.' Hmm!" he continued.

"Now Laura Loomer is back and saying she tried to open the doors to Pelosi's house, but they were locked. This seems like an unwise thing to be admitting!"

If you’re keeping score at home, Laura Loomer chained herself to a tent in Nancy Pelosi’s backyard to protest illegal immigration, because, reasons, and in the process single handedly proved why walls don’t work. And by the way speaking of the Alt Right, we have to point out how pathetic Proud Boys founder Gavin McInnes is. We might need the Sad Hulk Music for this one!

For months, Proud Boys founder Gavin McInnes and his wife, Emily, have been fighting to win back their neighbors in the upscale village of Larchmont, just north of New York City.

Though some townspeople have posted “Hate has no home here” signs for months ― some of them in reaction to domestic acts of terrorism, like the shooting at a synagogue in Pittsburgh last October ― others, having realized that their neighbor Gavin was the leader of an assault-prone street gang, added signs to their front yards, too.

In response, the McInneses lashed out. Gavin sent letters to those neighbors who displayed anti-hate signs in their front yards, lamenting that they represented an act of aggression against his family. Out of the other side of his mouth, he mocked them and called them “retards” on his podcast. Emily, meanwhile, publicly defended her husband and claimed that the neighbors’ messaging had put their children in danger, while privately she intimidated and threatened legal action against them.

The McInneses’ appeal to the community was plainly disingenuous, neighbors told HuffPost.

Oh womp womp, Gavin. People are tired of your toxic racism and sexism. And speaking of someone who is violently toxic, Alex Jones in what may be the best news of the week – he got his ass handed to him in court and well, the parents of the Sandy Hook victims are about to get their hands on some very valuable info that could potentially destroy Infowars as we know it.

The families of victims in the 2012 shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School must receive access to internal documents at Infowars, the internet and radio show whose host, Alex Jones, has spread the false claim that the shooting was an elaborate hoax, a judge ruled on Friday.

The ruling was a legal victory for the families, which filed a defamation lawsuit against Mr. Jones, who traffics in conspiracy theories, and Infowars last year. The suit argued that peddling bogus stories was essential to the business model of Infowars, which sells products including survivalist gear, gun paraphernalia and dietary supplements.

A gunman killed 20 children and six adults in the Sandy Hook shooting in Newtown, Conn., just over six years ago, and Mr. Jones helped to spread the idea that grieving relatives of those victims were paid “crisis actors.”

The plaintiffs in the lawsuit are relatives of five children and three adults who were killed, and one F.B.I. agent who responded to the shooting. Their complaint said the families have faced “physical confrontation and harassment, death threats, and a sustained barrage of harassment and verbal assault on social media.”

I really don’t care. Do U? You know it’s not in my nature to kick a man when he’s down, but considering Alex Jones does exactly that, I think we can make an exception for this one! Fuck you Alex, and eat a steaming bag of shit! And by the way do we really need Roku picking up Infowars? I mean come on, Roku, do you really want to be associated with that or be forever known as the official streaming service of Pepe The Frog?

Roku says it will continue to host Alex Jones’ conspiracy-theory channel Infowars despite public outcry, stating that the company doesn’t “curate or censor based on viewpoint.”

In a statement, first reported by TechCrunch, Roku says that it is not “promoting or being paid to distribute InfoWars” and that it does “not have a commercial relationship with the InfoWars.”

Roku has been receiving angry tweets from users over the past few days after many noticed that Infowars continues to be available on the TV streaming device, as first reported by DigiDay. Infowars, known for its hateful content, was effectively de-platformed last year after being booted from Apple’s App Store, YouTube, Facebook, and Twitter, dramatically limiting its ability to reach viewers.

But Roku says that Infowars hasn’t broken any of its rules. The company says it prohibits publication of content that is “unlawful, incites illegal activities, or violates third-party rights,” but that “to our knowledge, InfoWars is not currently in violation of these content policies.”

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[font size="8"]Top 10 Investigates: New Tech at CES
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[br] B

It’s time to investigate beyond the headlines! This is Top 10 Investigates!

The Smart Home industry has become a hundred billion dollar industry over the last few years. Led by Apple, Amazon, and Google, such devices have become common household place. But now this year at the Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas, things have taken a drastic turn. Smart home devices have become even smarter. There’s some really cool and interesting tech, and there’s also some weird tech, and there’s even some adult oriented tech, and that’s mainly in the upstairs CES. So what new technology do consumers have to look forward to?

For all the cool gadgets that get shown off at CES, there’s also a bunch of things that make even the most jaded tech bloggers squint in a mix of confusion and amused befuddlement. Some of it you’ll find on the main show floor, others you’ll find in the nooks and corners at the Sands Expo and Eureka Park.

Like, who needs an RGB space toilet or a booth where a smart bidet just blasts a constant stream of water at a plexiglass wall? Why are there eye massagers built from hot-plates that burn your eyelashes off? Why are we not questioning why some booths are straight up selling vibrators as face massagers? Does anyone really want a smartphone app that can read and track your sperm count? Should helicopter parents really be buying camera probes to take pictures of their babies’ inner ears? And in 2019, is it really necessary to have a Lamborghini massage chair surrounded by scantily clad booth babes gyrating to heavy metal? What about a personal watercraft shaped like a swordfish?

The answer to all of these questions is a resounding “no.” But still, the weird, bizarre, and oddly inexplicable gadgets are part of what gives CES its charm. It just wouldn’t be the same show without them. Most of these products won’t ever make it beyond the show floor, so that’s why we’ve decided to showcase them here for posterity.

Yes of course it is necessary to have all those things. And in fact our bathrooms are getting smarter as judging by the ridiculous amount of smart bathroom products that are becoming readily available for consumers as early as the next few months. Do really need a smart toilet? No.

We’ve all had those moments in the bathroom where we’ve had a pressing question come to mind and been uh, too occupied at the time to get an answer. Well, here’s one way to solve that problem. American manufacturing company Kohler is showing off an all-new toilet at CES 2019 that has support for voice assistants built right into it.

The Kohler Numi 2.0 Intelligent Toilet exists in a space somewhere between luxury and excess. According to the company, the toilet has practical features like water efficiency checks that make sure you’re never using more water than necessary. It has convenient features like smart lighting that makes it easy to see your way around the bathroom even in the dead of night — and those lights are interactive, multicolored, and dynamic so they can adjust to the setting.

It even has personalized cleansing functions that make sure the toilet is set to your specifications, including a heated seat and drying functionality.

Then there’s a feature that you probably never thought you’d see in a toilet: Voice control. The Numi 2.0 Intelligent Toilet has high-quality speakers built right into it, and those speakers come equipped with Amazon’s voice assistant Alexa. If you have a question while you’re sitting on the toilet, just ask Alexa. You can also run your home automation processes while in the bathroom. You can even have Alexa queue up your favorite playlist and watch the toilet’s lights sync up to the beat. Your bathroom can double as your own personal dance club if you so desire.

Alexa, please add “colon cleanser” to my shopping list. Thank you Alexa. And yes of course people still talk about the possibility of flying cars. Of course this has been prevalent in society ever since the movie Back To The Future Part II showed us what flying cars are capable of. It’s 2019 and we still don’t have a skyway that can take us from LA to London, damn it!

Everyone talks about how CES has become the main auto show of the year, pushing the Detroit Auto Show from its long-running time in January to June starting in 2020. But it's not just cars or what goes in them on display at the tech show in Las Vegas.

Hold on tight for some of the funkier, over-the-top concepts, prototypes, and even real production vehicles that vie for the spotlight at the massive tech trade show. Here's a collection of electric flying vehicles, electric motorcycles, three-wheeled scooters, and much more. And, as always, we can't forget the e-scooters.

The LiveWire — Harley-Davidson's first all-electric motorcycle — was on display after the motorcycle-riding community learned this week that pre-orders are now open. The bike is expected to arrive in August and will cost about $30,000.

This is not a concept vehicle — it's actually coming, and soon.
Personal flying vehicle

The ElectraFly from Deseret UAS is a hybrid-electric one-person flying vehicle. But getting someone to willingly strap into the device might be a hard sell. It's still a prototype, but the company envisions this as a tool for military or emergency services. Eventually the flying machine wants to become an air taxi. That'll be quite the ride to hail.

We really want to live in *THAT* 2015 by the way. And by the way if you’re looking for weird technology, the CES is full of it. Everything from smart diapers to the electronic equivalent of a pet rock to electronic refrigerators that remind you when to buy more beer.

The future is going to be weird. At least, that’s the impression we get from what we've seen at CES 2019 in Las Vegas. The annual consumer tech show is notorious for wacky inventions, strange gadgets, and providing tech solutions for problems you didn’t even know you had (a toilet that plays music, anyone?)

From robots that live to love you, to machines that fold your laundry for you, this year’s show has been no exception – even the humble television has had a total reconfiguration thanks to LG’s rollable OLED model that wowed us with its unique mechanical design.

Prepare to be amazed, amused, and bewildered, as we bring you our pick of the weirdest gadgets we’ve seen at CES 2019:

That’s it for Top 10 Investigates. Good day.

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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
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Gather around my fair brothers and sisters of Seattle! It’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate, for the Holy Church Of The Top 10 has convened and it’s time to remind you that the holiest among us are the most full of:

My fair congregation! We live in troubled times right now. The world is going straight to the place where the sun don’t shine. And in our good book, does it not say that the good LAWRD JAYSUS would welcome strangers with open arms? Well those who stand by the Dark One, whose name shall not be named in my church, support his almost certainly evil plan to close our borders and ward off those who are seeking help in desperate times! They do not support the good LAWRD JAYSUS, instead they support the most immoral, inhumane Dark One who would ever dare to call himself a leader!

Never mind all that stuff in the Bible about welcoming the stranger, or “I was hungry and you gave me to food eat…” What Jesus really would like to see is a wall across the southern border of the United States; so say leaders of the Religious Right as President Donald Trump prepares to make his case in a prime-time address this evening.

While most focus on their demand that Democrats in Congress approve $5.7 billion in funding for the wall that Trump promised his groupies he’d build, a few are even egging him on to declare a national emergency and invoke those powers to re-open the government and grab money from the Pentagon in order to pay for the wall.

The current partial government shutdown is the result of Trump’s demand that Congress include those billions for the wall in the appropriations legislation required to keep the government operating. Democrats, who now control the House of Representatives, have declined to accede to that demand.

Now what might supporters of the Dark One say that would justify such an atrocity? I ask *YOU* my fair congregation! Well, the man who is literally destroying the notion of “separation of church and state”, Pastor Jeffress, said that there will be walls around Heaven! Really, now! Has he died and gone to Heaven? How would he know?

First Baptist Dallas pastor Robert Jeffress is voicing his support for President Donald Trump's demand for a wall between the U.S. and Mexico, saying Democrats are "morally liable" for what he called a humanitarian crisis at the southern border.

Jeffress, an outspoken supporter of the president, appeared on the Lou Dobbs Tonight show on Fox Business last week amid the government shutdown over Trump's dispute with Congress for border-wall funding.

During the appearance Friday, Jeffress likened the border wall to a fence around a swimming pool. If someone has a pool without a fence around it, they could be liable if a child wanders into the water and drowns, he said.

"By opposing this president and his desire to build a wall around our border, I believe the Democrats are morally liable for the death of children, the assault of women, of the humanitarian crisis we’re seeing at the border right now," he said.

Jeffress, a regular Fox News contributor, praised Trump's Oval Office address in which the president pitched his $5.7 billion funding request for the wall and repeatedly referred to a "crisis" of violence and drug-smuggling.

What’s even more insane is that Pastor Jeffress doubled down and went after critics who don’t like the Dark One’s plan! And really, who can argue with his justification? I mean if building a wall is immoral that must mean that GAWD is immoral too? You betcha!

Megachurch evangelical pastor and vociferous supporter of U.S. President Donald J. Trump, Robert Jeffress, defended the security plan of the GOP leader by saying that even Heaven will have a wall. During his interview with FOX & Friends, he made these statements as a kind of reply to House Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s description of the US-Mexico border wall as “immoral.” Pelosi is an elected Democrat from California. Jeffress is the senior pastor of the Dallas First Baptist Church.

In Trump’s defense, Jeffress said “The Bible says even Heaven itself is gonna have a wall around it. Not everybody is going to be allowed in. So if walls are immoral, then God is immoral.”

The right-wing pastor then targeted Democrats and termed them immoral for opposing President Trump’s grand plan to keep Americans safe. He also shed doubts concerning the morality of liberals who support the activities of “sanctuary cities.” These cities provide a safe haven to illegal immigrants. The pastor was effusive in praising Trump in the interview, saying that Americans should thank God for a president like him. According to the pastor, Trump takes his oath of office quite seriously and does not shirk from anything to keep the country safe. Jeffress, to boost his pro-Trump speech, took excerpts from the Old Testament to make his case. He especially quoted the Book of Nehemiah. As per scriptures, Nehemiah, a Jewish leader, was instructed by God to erect a wall encircling Jerusalem to keep its inhabitants safe. It is believed that Nehemiah was a local chief living in 5th century B.C. The president latched on to the flow of the interview pretty quick. During his Oval Office address, Trump said politicians do not construct walls around their residences as they hate people living outside. The walls are built as they love those who live inside.

Now Pastor Jeffress, I ask this with all of my deepest sincerity as a pastor myself – do the walls keep the unwanted out, or do they keep you in? I think it would do more the former than the latter! Thank you audience! Can I get an amen???? And by the way how great is our gospel choir? But if you really want to know where the support for the Dark One lies, look no further than your local church!

In setting out the Trump administration’s Middle East policy, one of the first things Mike Pompeo made clear to his audience in Cairo is that he had come to the region as “as an evangelical Christian”.

In his speech at the American University in Cairo, Pompeo said that in his state department office: “I keep a Bible open on my desk to remind me of God and his word, and the truth.”

The secretary of state’s primary message in Cairo was that the US was ready once more to embrace conservative Middle Eastern regimes, no matter how repressive, if they made common cause against Iran.

His second message was religious. In his visit to Egypt, he came across as much as a preacher as a diplomat. He talked about “America’s innate goodness” and marveled at a newly built cathedral as “a stunning testament to the Lord’s hand”.

The desire to erase Barack Obama’s legacy, Donald Trump’s instinctive embrace of autocrats, and the private interests of the Trump Organisation have all been analysed as driving forces behind the administration’s foreign policy.

And that passage is in our book, by the way! So there you have it, the people who claim to be the believers of good support the most immoral, inhumane man to ever be leader of the free world! Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]Beating A Dead Horse: Old Tweets
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There’s been a lot of controversy in the news lately about old tweets. Yeah, you might have sent that extremely poor taste transphobic joke 10 years ago but does that mean that its’ relevant to the kind of person you are now? Hell no! Most likely it was a scenario like our president Donald J. Trump who spends most of his morning hours angrily tweeting on the toilet. And you can always tell how angry Trump is by the quality of his tweets based on what time of day they are and whether or not he’s using his unsecured iPhone. It’s 3:30AM and he’s angry tweeting about Pocahontas again? He must have really had to take a colossal shit! But that aside, we’re going to talk about two scenarios - Kevin Hart who lost his Oscars hosting job after some old tweets surfaced. The other is Guardians Of The Galaxy director James Gunn – who lost the job of directing GOTG 3 after some old tweets surfaced. So let’s talk about Kevin Hart first.

Well into the new year an old controversy from 2018 continues to dominate the headlines. After being announced as the host for this year’s Academy Awards, The Upside star Kevin Hart publicly stepped down from the gig after a series of his old homophobic tweets resurfaced. Over the past week Hart has tried several times to address the issue in a series of statements, appearances and posts, several of which have only fanned the flames further.

Initially, fans and LGBTQ activists asked that Hart to apologize for the tweets, but the star refused, saying that he had “addressed” the controversial statements already. The situation seemed to come to an end on Tuesday (Jan. 8) when Hart went on Good Morning America to say that he was “done” talking about his past behavior, while definitively saying that he would not host this year's Academy Awards even if producers asked him back.

So what exactly happened? How did this situation start? When were the star's "past apologies" made? How did the whole thing go viral, and what brought Hart to where he is now? Here's a complete timeline of the Hart Oscars controversy:

Yeah so he said that what… 10 years ago? Why does he have to apologize for it now? Well let’s compare that to Guardians Of The Galaxy director James Gunn and what he had to go through for a very similar situation. This is a case of “same shit, different day”!.

Disney Studios cut ties with "Guardians of the Galaxy" director James Gunn on Friday, shortly after Gunn took responsibility for old, offensive tweets that joked about topics including rape and pedophilia.

"The offensive attitudes and statements discovered on James’ Twitter feed are indefensible and inconsistent with our studio’s values, and we have severed our business relationship with him," said Disney chairman Alan Horn in a statement obtained by USA TODAY.


The firing occurred one day after groups including conservative website The Daily Caller dug up old tweets from the filmmaker's feed. Gunn is openly liberal and a known critic of President Trump.

According to Fox News, one of the now-deleted tweets said, “I like when little boys touch me in my silly place.”

You know this begs the question – do alt right websites like the Daily Caller have Google alert listings setup for “pedophile news”? I can guarantee I don’t! They are obsessed aren’t they? Well there’s two scenarios there – both not that dissimilar from each other. Now here’s where it gets beaten to death, because why wouldn’t it?

It only takes a few seconds to search for something on someone's Twitter account. With the right terms and a little bit of intuition, one may even find something that threatens to take down an entire career.

It's happened time and time again. Most recently, to Nick Vallelonga, a producer for "The Green Book," a feel-good story about interracial friends during the era of American segregation. He had to answer for an Islamophobic tweet from 2015 in which he supported President Donald Trump's false claim that Muslims in New York City cheered during the 9/11 attacks.

It happens to stars on the rise and stars at their peak. Late last year, actor Kevin Hart stepped down from hosting the Academy Awards, a gig he once described as a "dream," after tweets from 2009 to 2011 surfaced that contained homophobic language. In the world of sports, athletes at a critical juncture in their career -- an important game, a draft decision -- have been repeatedly waylaid by their own words that could have been dug up by anyone with a Twitter account and a vague inclination.

The question is, how does it keep happening at all? We live in an age of tweeting grandmas and child YouTube stars, of hyper-curated Instagram universes and infinitely expanding digital literacy. A reasonable level of social media awareness is not too much to expect -- for stars or the people that manage them. Why do famous people, whose images are central to their relevancy and livelihoods, keep letting themselves get played for their old bad internet behavior?

But is it? Let’s examine a bit further why celebrities have a tendency to tweet out offensive shit and the answer is actually pretty obvious!

"Every single one of us has bad thoughts," says Brian Harrington, a personal branding consultant in Los Angeles. He helps people build digital footprints that communicate an authentic image, and that can mean contending with controversy.

"As cool as someone like Kevin Hart is, there are going to be parts of him or anyone else that someone isn't going to like."

Yup that’s it exactly! No matter how famous or cool anybody is, someone is going to have a problem with it. Just ask anyone who’s appeared in a Star Wars movie in the last 5 years not named Mark Hamill or Carrie Fisher. Oh really, sir, that’s the joke you choose to leave on? You’re just proving my point exactly! And to further expand on this, let’s ask Idiocracy and Brooklyn 99 star Terry Crews what he thinks about the subject!

Actor Terry Crews has weighed in on Kevin Hart’s response to the controversy surrounding the comedian’s failed opportunity to host the 2019 Academy Awards.

Hart had been tapped late last year to host the ceremony, but resurfaced homophobic tweets –and his inability to appropriately apologize– cost him the gig. A late attempt by comedian Ellen DeGeneres to get Hart the hosting gig again also failed.

And now Crews, who is friends with Hart, has been able to perfectly explain why Hart was unable to properly overcome the scandal in time to reclaim the hosting role.

“He feels like he’s being attacked,” Crews told BuzzFeed’s Twitter show “AM to DM”. “But the truth is, he’s not.”

“The truth is, Kevin, you’re not being attacked,” he continued. “The truth is you have to just acknowledge what went on and acknowledge the pain of other people. That’s all anybody’s asking for. That’s it.”

That’s all well and good Terry, but that almost never happens! But this could explain why no one wants to host the Oscars anymore. Maybe people don’t want to be subjected to that kind of scrutiny? Hey it’s almost like running for president! Almost.

It’s been 30 years since the Academy Awards did not have a host. Do you remember it? That was the year Rain Man won Best Picture in a walk, leading all nominations with eight and wins with four. There were innovations and wrinkles at the 61st Oscars: Presenters began to say “And the Oscar goes to …” rather than the standard “And the winner is …” Comic writer Bruce Vilanch, a longtime Oscars staple, was hired to pen bits for the ceremony for the first time by show producer Allan Carr. Lucille Ball made her final public appearance. Throughout the night, real-life Hollywood couples like Bruce Willis and Demi Moore, Farrah Fawcett and Ryan O’Neal, Geena Davis and Jeff Goldblum, and Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell presented awards. Beau, Jeff, and Lloyd Bridges appeared together, as did Vertigo stars Kim Novak and Jimmy Stewart. Composer and three-time Oscar winner Marvin Hamlisch served as musical arranger for the show. It was the year of Big, Working Girl, Who Framed Roger Rabbit, Dangerous Liaisons, The Last Temptation of Christ, Bull Durham, A Fish Called Wanda, Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown, and Married to the Mob, all of which were nominated in some form.

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[font size="8"]How Is This Still A Thing?
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It’s time once again to ask:

This week: Logan Paul’s Youtube Channel. How is this still a thing? If you don’t know who Youtube star Logan Paul is, you’re probably better off not knowing. Logan Paul first gained traction on the video streaming service Vine and then moved to Youtube. His videos are known for generating a ton of controversy. Last year, he earned internet notoriety for visiting Japan’s infamous “Suicide Forest” and mocking the victims who took their lives there. And in case you thought he couldn’t sink any lower than that, it gets worse.

One year ago today, YouTube star Logan Paul was facing a heavy storm of criticism for a video he posted on his popular channel. In it, he and his friends were seen walking into Japan's Aokigahara forest -- an area well-known for being a place many go to end their lives -- and coming across a body. Paul showed the body in the video, only blurring the deceased's face, and he and his friends proceeded to laugh and make jokes about the situation in the recording.

The backlash began almost immediately, with many, including fellow YouTubers, speaking out against the video, how Paul behaved in it and the intent behind it. While Paul claimed he and his friends were there to document the "haunted aspect of the forest," critics pointed out that with the forest's reputation, it seemed highly unlikely that Paul and his entourage weren't aware of what they might find. It also seemed quite plausible that they went there in search of it to begin with.

As criticism mounted, Paul released an apology, first in a tweet and then in a video. And he claimed he didn't post the video for the views. "I did it because I thought I could make a positive ripple on the internet, not cause a monsoon of negativity," he said. YouTube faced calls for change as well, with YouTuber Laci Green calling it "a sociopathic garbage fire" and others saying the company had a responsibility to prevent videos like that from ever being published.

In response, both YouTube and Paul pledged to do better. But did they?

After taking a brief hiatus, Paul returned to YouTube with a video centered on suicide prevention, which included interviews with John Draper, the director of the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, and activist Kevin Hines, among others. In the video, Paul shared ways to help those who might be considering suicide, pledged to donate $1 million and claimed the video was "just the beginning" of his self-education journey.

You mocked suicide victims, and forced Youtube to change some of its’ policies and apologize for your stupidity, what did you expect? Well in case you thought that he couldn’t possibly get any more insensitive, he goes and does this.

A year after the YouTube personality faced a wave of criticism for posting a video — which showed the body of an apparent suicide victim in Japan’s Aokigahara forest — Paul made a controversial remark about his 2019 New Year’s resolutions, sparking an immediate backlash from fans.

During an episode of his “Impaulsive” podcast on Wednesday, the 23-year-old and his co-host, Mike Majlak, explained that they were going to try a new resolution every month starting with “Sober-Vegan January” and “Fatal February.”

“We’re going to go the opposite,” Majlak said of February, noting the two will be eating steaks, drinking “big bottles” of vodka and “just wilin’ out.” For March though, the co-hosts said it was “Male-Only March.”

“We’re going to attempt to go gay for just one month,” Paul stated. “For one month, and then swing, and then go back,” Majlak added.

No… just no. You don’t “go gay” for a month. And if you have to apologize to the internet for something that they found completely insensitive and out of touch with reality, you done fucked up good sir! And if you’re wondering just how low a comment as stupid and insensitive as this was, well, be prepared for the backlash that follows!

Logan Paul, an internet personality with nearly 19 million followers on YouTube, has caused an uproar for saying that he wants to “go gay” for a month.

Paul, who made headlines last January after sharing a giggly video of a suicide victim in a Japanese forest, is best known for his goofy and laid back online persona. However, many people said that he went too far on his podcast, “Impaulsive,” last Wednesday.

Logan, talking about his resolutions for each month of the new year, said that he plans to have a “sober, vegan” January and a “male-only March.”

“It’s male-only March. We’re going to attempt to go gay for just one month,” Paul explained.

Many people wrote on social media that Paul implied that being gay is a choice, and clearly does not take the threat of homophobia seriously.

“That’s not how it works, @LoganPaul,” LGBTQ rights nonprofit GLAAD wrote on Friday.

Yeah that’s pretty low and blatantly false advertising there, Logan. By the way in case you’re wondering how his ill-fated boxing match with featherweight boxer Ryan Garcia went, well, let’s just say it did not go as expected, and Garcia got a TKO against Paul in a matter of minutes:

Ryan Garcia knocked Logan Paul to the floor with a flurry of hellacious punches following an appearance on his podcast.

The American, 20-year-old, super-featherweight boxing prospect was a guest on his fellow countryman’s show ‘Impaulsive’ this week and let the host sample a portion of his power punching after filming.

Paul, 23, is a YouTuber/Vlogger with over 18million subscribers who partook in a boxing event against rival British YouTuber Olajide ‘KSI’ Olatunji in August.

The pair are due to rematch this year, but Logan Paul has first endured a beating at the hands of Ryan Garcia, who pummelled him to the floor in an Instagram clip.

Garcia has amassed an impressive following during his development as a professional, gaining big exposure across various social media platforms despite being just 17-0.

So Logan Paul makes insensitive comments about the LGBT community, suicide victims, and got his ass kicked hard. Both literally and figuratively. That’s enough to make you ask – Logan Paul’s Youtube channel:

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[font size="8"]People Are Dumb
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Hit it!

Of course you know by now that people are people and people are dumb. Stupid never takes a holiday and even though we did a People Are Dumb last week, there’s plenty of stories this week. So I want to start with this story out of Witchita Falls, Texas. Yeah you’ve probably all seen it. And this is a perfect example of life imitating art. Remember that episode of It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia where Danny DeVito’s Frank Reynolds goes so far off the deep end that the gang has no choice but to give him an intervention and hopefully get him into rehab? And then it backfires spectacularly. Well, this woman took his concept of wine in a soda can a bit too far and well, we’ll let the story do the talking.

Wichita Falls police received a rather unique call Friday morning involving a woman drinking wine in a Walmart parking lot.

Employees requested officers to ban a woman from the local Walmart store after she reportedly had been drinking wine from a Pringles can for several hours while riding on an electric cart.

Hughes said the reporting party said the suspect had been riding around in the store's parking lot since 6:30 a.m. while drinking the alcoholic beverage.

So was it Barbecue Merlot or Pizza Pinot? Just don't mix the Smoked Cheddar with a Malbock, that's just bad for your pallet! Next up, we have this story out of Salt Lake City. Look, look. I’ve seen the hit Netflix movie “Bird Box”, and even I know that you should never attempt to drive your car with all the windows covered and painted. Because this happens:

SALT LAKE CITY (AP) — Police say a Utah teenager crashed into another car when she covered her eyes as part of the so-called “Bird Box Challenge.”

Layton police Lt. Travis Lyman said Friday that the 17-year-old drifted into oncoming traffic and hit another car after she pulled a hat over her eyes to emulate “Bird Box,” a Sandra Bullock movie on Netflix where characters must be constantly blindfolded to avoid visions that urge them to die.

Videos of people trying to do things while blindfolded have attracted widespread attention online, and Netflix tweeted a warning about the challenge last week.

No one was hurt in the Monday crash north of Salt Lake City.

Lyman says it should serve as a warning he never thought he’d have to give: Don’t drive while blindfolded.

Obviously, don’t drive blindfolded, that’s the take away that you get from this story. Next up, we have this story out of Houston, Texas. And even if you’re the owner of a super fast car like the Dodge Viper, don’t drive it as fast as this guy did, especially through a toll booth with the Houston Chief Of Police going through it.

If you ever find yourself in front of daunting red and blue lights, be thankful they don't belong to Houston's top cop – like one Houston driver experienced Friday.

Houston Police Chief Art Acevedo was driving on the Hardy Toll Road when the driver of a Dodge Viper allegedly blew past him at 140 mph, the chief told Chron.com.

"It almost took my doors off," Acevedo said describing the moment.

He radioed the driver into police dispatch and gave chase in his police Chevrolet Tahoe, topping out around 120 mph, he said.

Next up, what’s our good friend Florida Man been up to? Well if you’re in a situation where you’re being threatened with a machete, I would definitely question the sanity of anyone who then brings up a different kind of threat.

SANTA ROSA COUNTY, Fla. (WTXL) - A Florida man is behind bars after he reportedly said he was going to kill his neighbors with a machete that had the word "kindness" written on the side.

Bryan Duane Stewart, 30, has been arrested for aggravated assault with a deadly weapon and aggravated battery with a deadly weapon.

WEAR obtained an arrest report that detailed how Stewart was arrested.

Deputies responded to a home in Milton for reports of banging and yelling. According to their report, a witness saw Stewart say, "he was going to 'kill'em with kindness.'"

The neighbors then went over to the home because a woman and child were inside. WEAR reports Stewart then grabbed a small machete knife with the word "kindness" written on the side and tried to stab one of the neighbors.

Stewart also ended up cutting another neighbor who tried to help. When authorities arrived, the report says Stewart had a strong odor of alcohol coming from him and was belligerent.

Finally this week, we have this story out of Odessa, Florida. And seriously, I know that you might be a fan of a particular kind of sandwich – like the Philly Cheesesteak for instance. And if it doesn’t come a certain way, it’s easy to dismiss it. But this guy went full blown psychopath on a vendor at a flea market for this.

ODESSA, Fla. - A Florida man was arrested on a disorderly conduct charge after he got into an argument with a cashier about a cheesesteak sandwich, according to authorities.

Joseph Lagana, 27, of Port Richey, was at the Gunn Highway Flea Market in Odessa on Sunday when he got into an argument with a cashier about receiving a sesame seed bun on a Philly cheesesteak, according to a Pasco County Sheriff's Office affidavit.

A deputy called to diffuse the situation said Lagana was "being loud and argumentative" to patrons at the flea market and "appeared heavily intoxicated."

Lagana was booked into jail on the misdemeanor charge.

He was released after posting a $100 bond.

And that’s why you don’t order a cheesesteak at a flea market. That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]Deep State Diaries Episode 26: NASA
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It’s time for episode 26 of Deep State Diaries. Yes we’re touring the 32 branches and services that make up the United States government. Everything from the FBI to the IRS to the Pentagon to the CIA to the DPW to the DVA to parks and recreation and all branches and services in between. Of course if you’re here you probably already know more about our government and how it works than your average Fox News loving Trump supporter does. So that’s what this segment is going to address. We are going to do a deep dive into all that makes the United States the United States. Because we here at the Top 10 love to educate as well as entertain. Because we care.

[font size="6"]NASA[/font]

We need some music for this one!

Can we also get Neil DeGrasse Tyson to host this one for us? Oh. My producer is telling me that he’s currently unavailable. So we’re going into deep space this week by hanging out with the National Aeronautical and Space Administration, better known as NASA. America has had a love affair with space since the 1960s and you can see NASA in a ton of movies whether it’s real life based Apollo 13, fictional The Martian, or comedy fare like Space Cowboys and Men In Black. So what does NASA actually do? For one thing they monitor all space traffic – think of them as your local traffic reporter but with much more sophisticated technology! In fact one of their missions is to monitor when a meteor could possibly wipe out all of humanity. Can you give us a little more advanced warning than Armageddon and Deep Impact had please?

There were some alarming headlines floating around over the weekend about how NASA has revealed a sure sign that would indicate the apocalypse is coming. This heart-pounding warning traces back to a video released on Jan. 10 from educational YouTube channel Big Think.

The video poses the question "Would scientists tell us about a looming apocalypse?" to NASA astronomer Michelle Thaller.

NASA has a history of being forthright about its work. You can browse its online database of near-Earth objects and scout for close approaches.

NASA is also busy studying potentially hazardous asteroid Bennu through the Osiris-Rex mission. What we learn about Bennu will be helpful as scientists develop plans for protecting our planet from an asteroid impact.

There are plenty of real things to fret about in this world, but NASA hiding evidence of an incoming Earth-shattering asteroid isn't one of them.

Thankfully space travel has come a long way since the days of Wiley Coyote! And while we can breathe a sigh of relief currently, there’s some asteroids currently hovering toward earth which will prompt NASA to be able to test out its’ system for detecting asteroids that are hurdling toward our planet.

The asteroid, dubbed by NASA Asteroid 2019 AG3, made a so-called “Earth Close Approach” today. NASA’s scientists at the California-based Jet Propulsion Laboratory (JPL) have tracked the asteroid down to a 2.18am GMT (UTC) flyby. The startling revelation comes just one month after the rogue asteroid was first spotted by radars on December 12, 2018. NASA did not expect the space rock to hit the Earth anytime soon but the asteroid’s imposing size was a good enough reason to track it.

The JPL estimates Asteroid AG3 measures somewhere in the range of 210ft to 459.3ft (64m to 140m) in diameter.

An asteroid this big is about twice the wingspan of a Boeing 747 aeroplane.

Asteroids measuring 460ft (140m) across are considered “Potentially Hazardous Asteroids” (PHAs) if they approach the Earth close enough.

The largest known PHA is the gargantuan Apollo asteroid which is believed to measure roughly 4.3 miles in diameter (7km).

Thankfully our rockets are not made by Acme Corporation! NASA is also the home of a branch located in Pasadena, California – known as the Jet Propulsion Laboratory. And if you’ve seen the Matt Damon flick the Martian you know that JPL played a crucial role in developing emergency technology to help aid in his rescue. That and also the shit potatoes. But did you know they can also do cool shit like 3-D print space parts? Yeah kind of like in Avengers: Age Of Ultron!

Engineers at the NASA Jet Propulsion Laboratory (JPL) are set to contribute to the development of a hybrid 3D printing technology from the Advanced Manufacturing Research Centre (AMRC) in Sheffield, UK.

Known as THREAD, this method is capable of adding fibrous electrical, optical and structural elements, or “threads,” to the inside of plastic/polymer components.

It has been developed at the AMRC in collaboration with multinational aeronautical corporation Boeing and, according to creators, it is a “a potential game-changer” for 3D printing and the wider manufacturing industry.

The first details of Boeing and AMRC’s THREAD process surfaced in 2017 following a patent-filing by the method’s inventor Mark Cocking. At the time of this release, 3D Printing Industry interviewed Cocking who revealed that the technique is “not tied to a single AM process platform,” though initial patents relate to its addition to an SLA technique.

Of course now the harsh reality about how things are going. If the guy who we currently call president, Donald J. Trump, were in charge when the Martian takes place, Matt Damon’s Mark Whatney character would probably be left to die out in the harsh wilderness of Mars, because we currently have no government, and thus, no NASA. But at least we’ll have Space X and China to help privatize space exploration!

The local chapter of the American Federation of Government Employees, which is affiliated with the AFL-CIO, plans a rally calling for an end to the government shutdown.

The rally will happen on Tuesday at noon in front of the sign at NASA’s Johnson Space Center at 2101 NASA Parkway in southeast Houston.

Bautista is a NASA employee and the first vice president of AFGE Local 2284. He is one of about 2,800 NASA workers who have not been at work for more than three weeks.

He told KPRC 2, "I'm a young person with a lot of student debt. I left school with about $100,000 worth of student debt. So, for me, I'm able to cover a few paychecks. But beyond that, the bills will start stacking up."

Approximately 300 workers continue working, without a paycheck, in order to continue critical work, such as supporting the International Space Station. As a U.S. government employee, not even the American astronaut nearly 250 miles from Earth, living on board the space station, will receive a paycheck.

[font size="6"]Score Card [/font]

Overall importance: A
How Things Are Going: C-
Likely hood To Survive: C+

Overall: B-

[font size="6"]Next Week [/font]

Next week we’re going to be taking another look at a crucial cabinet position when we check out the department that handles our money, the Fed!

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8"]Rüfüs Dü Söl[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen, my next guest is a great band from Australia by way of Santa Monica. Their latest album is called “Solace” and you can see them at the Greek Theater in San Francisco on July 20th. Playing their song “No Place”, give it up for Rufus Du Sol!

Thank you Seattle! We had a blast! We are off to Vegas next live from Fremont St! See you next week!


Host: Initech
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of Live Audience At: Comedy Underground, Seattle, WA
Special Thanks To: Comedy Underground Management
Holy Shit Gospel Choir: Cavalry Chapel Choir, Redmond, WA
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Rufus Du Sol Appear Courtesy Of: Reprise Records
Management: Initech Productions, CCC Management
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Initech Productions: Yes, We Got The Memo

Posted by Top 10 Idiots | Wed Jan 16, 2019, 05:00 PM (6 replies)

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #6-1: Game Of Groans Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #6-1: Game Of Groans Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! Welcome welcome welcome!!!! We are back! We are baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!!!! I hope everyone had a nice holiday or holidays of whatever you choose to worship, but we’re back and we are ready to get down to business! What’s up Portland? Hey anyone know where I can get some beer and doughnuts? I mean how is the average BMI around here not 300 or more pounds? I mean seriously there’s tons of good beer and food here. I mean you guys have doughnuts the size of freaking Smart Cars! And it is cold as shit too. Do we have time for the thing? Of course we do! Ok so I love Christian Bale even more now. Yeah he was you know, most famous for playing Batman and Bruce Wayne in the Dark Knight trilogy. So he’s in a new movie that’s about former vice president Dick Cheney. It’s called Vice and if you haven’t seen it you know that he’s even more of a heartless asshole than you might think. Dick Cheney I mean. Yes, sir! And he won a Best Actor award for Vice, to add to his already huge reputation. But I do love that speech, can we show a clip of that speech for a minute? Yes, that’s right! He compared Dick Cheney to Satan! I am complete!!!! Ha, I love Tenacious D. And yes we’ve had them as a musical guest on the show last season. OK enough of the intro, we have a lot of idiocy to get to. But it’s weird – all of our favorite talk shows are currently on hiatus. But we did find this supercut of every time Trump claims he is the most knowledgeable on the subject and it is stunning. So let’s show that!


So where do we begin for our first edition of 2019? Well as always whenever we take an extended break, we like to play catch up on stuff we missed (1) during the break, and whew, there was quite a lot of it including Trump spending all of Christmas and New Year’s by himself. Yeah cue the sad trombone, thanks sound effects guy! In the second slot this week, we have to talk about the 800 pound gorilla in the room currently and that is the Trump Shutdown (2) because he won’t let go of the wall, and is attempting to rule with an iron fist, and it is backfiring on him spectacularly. For the third slot this week we got to talk about the reason for the season and that is Trump’s wall (3) and wow, he still thinks that a wall is going to magically solve all of our immigration issues. Boy he must be smoking some good Covfefe! In the fourth slot this week, we’ve got a new installment of our ongoing series “What’s Up With Brazil?”, and this week it’s official : Brazil has taken a hard right turn and sworn in Jair Bolsonaro (4) as their new president. In the 5th slot this week, our weekly investigative piece, Top 10 Investigates, is back and taking a look at food recalls, and answering the question “Are you gonna eat that?”. In the sixth slot this week is of course our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in “Holy Shit” (6) and this week our resident pastor is back from vacation and he’s ready to get to work predicting how the year ahead of us is going to work! In the seventh slot this week we have a new edition of “This Fucking Guy (Gal)” and we’re going to profile self proclaimed “Warrior Prophetess” Kat Kerr, and whew, is she bringing the crazy extra hard! In the number 8 slot this week we have another edition of “Explaining Jokes To Idiots”. So over the week last week you might have noticed that Louis CK was trending for all the wrong reasons and we will explain to you how comedy works. In the number 9 (NEIN!!!!) slot this week there’s a new installment of people are dumb because well, people are dumb! And the next installment of our ongoing series “Deep State Diaries” (10) is going to take a look at the Department Of The Interior! Plus to kick the year off we have some live music for you from the great Anderson.Paak! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]Catch Up On Stuff We Missed
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Man does it feel good to be back everyone! And we picked the right city to debut the 6th season of the Top 10! As usual, whenever the Top 10 is out on an extended break like we were over the Christmas and New Year’s holiday, we like to play catch up on stuff we missed. Because we live in an era where there’s literally batshit crazy stuff happening every minute of every day. And whew, did we miss a lot! See, we may take a holiday but conservative idiocy definitely does not! I mean Trump pretty much spent Christmas and his favorite holiday – New Year’s Eve – pretty much all alone in the White House by himself. I know usually we need the Sad Hulk music for this one but we really need something much sadder.

Yeah there we go! So how did Trump spend the most merry and jolliest of holidays?

At what age do children wonder whether Santa really exists?
President Donald Trump would like to know.

In a Christmas Eve call, Trump asked a 7-year-old named Collman Lloyd whether the child still believes in Santa Claus.
"Are you still a believer in Santa? Because at 7, it's marginal, right?" Trump asked Collman.

Collman's response, though inaudible to the press, left Trump with a chuckle and a smile.
The call came around 6:30 p.m. Monday as the President and first lady Melania Trump spoke on separate phones to children whose calls to NORAD had been patched through to the White House lines.

In front of a crackling fire and between two Christmas trees, Trump wished Collman a Merry Christmas and asked the child's age and Christmas plans and wondered how school was going.

Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! That’s right – Trump literally asked a 7 year old kid what age it’s acceptable to stop believing in Santa! And by the way – no he didn’t show up in Florida for his annual Mar-A-Shithole NYE bash. But guess what? Even club patrons think that place is much more pleasant when he’s not around!

Palm Beach is a little town that parties big, and the biggest party of the year is Donald Trump’s New Year’s revel at Mar-a-Lago. The president may have been born in June, but he is a true Scorpio who lives to get even, and Mar-a-Lago’s mammoth annual event is in some measure an expression of pure revenge.

To understand that one must go back to the mid-eighties, when Trump and his then wife Ivana arrived in Palm Beach. It would only have been natural that the couple join the exclusive Bath and Tennis Club, which lies on the ocean just across South Ocean Boulevard from Mar-a-Lago. But when Ivana talked to the club’s president, James Oelsner, about applying for membership, Oelsner says he told her they best not bother. Her husband, he said, was so controversial that they would surely be blackballed. Trump says he didn’t join the B&T because the club restricted Jews and blacks, but the fact is he wasn’t wanted, and he knew it.

Trump obtained his vehicle for revenge against the Palm Beach establishment when, a decade later, he turned Mar-a-Lago into a club with a majority Jewish membership. He brought in world class entertainment and, for New Year’s Eve, put on a gloriously over-the-top event. Across the road, the ladies and gentlemen of the B&T had their parties too, but theirs had all the panache of a ladies tea. Many of the WASPS were rhythmically challenged, and as they shuffled across the dance floor, the exuberant sounds of rock ‘n roll wafted across the boulevard from Mar-a-Lago. It just wasn’t fair that many of these B&T evenings were sedately boring while not three hundred yards away, the island’s unwanted newcomers were having more fun.

We can only imagine that was his reaction as the countdown clock reached midnight on 12/31. I mean come on, one NYE you’re partying with mobsters, the next NYE, you’re eating cheeseburgers in bed yelling at the fake news media and tweeting about your haters and losers. Yes that did happen!


Whoa, hey, take your caps lock off, man! This is the new year we’re talking about here, no need to get angry! Well maybe he was mad when this story broke:

Three weeks after the 9/11 attacks, Vice President Dick Cheney was already trying to tie the horror to Iraq. He floated a bogus story that earlier in 2001, Mohammad Atta, ringleader of the terrorist attacks, had met in a Prague cafe with an Iraqi intelligence official.

Now another shadowy meeting in Prague that may or may not have taken place is in the news.

On Dec. 27, McClatchy DC—a reputable news outlet that broke the most important stories about the Iraq War—reported that cell phone tower records obtained by foreign intelligence sources place Michael Cohen (or at least his phone) in Prague in the late summer of 2016. The story says this information, as well as the fruits of electronic eavesdropping by an Eastern European intelligence agency that picked up discussion among Russians of Cohen’s presence in Prague, are now in the possession of the office of Special Counsel Robert Mueller.

If the McClatchy story is true, it has huge implications for Donald Trump's survival in the presidency. But that’s a major if; unlike many other scoops about the Mueller probe, no other outlet has been able to confirm McClatchy’s reporting. And the McClatchy reporters have made it clear that they have no corroborating evidence of their claims and that some of their sources are indirect at best.

I think it’s a little too late for that, Donny! And we’ll get to the 119th Congress in a minute. But really there is an actual conspiracy being involved here, and no, it doesn’t involve a super secret ring of underground elite pedophiles who are engaged in satanic human trafficking! Nope. I mean Trump really thinks he’s playing a Game of Thrones here. This is more like a Game Of Groans!

What's Trump doing with that Game Of Thrones poster? Does he even know what Game Of Thrones is? I can't imagine he has an HBO subscription. For a guy who doesn't read and wouldn't know pop culture references if they jumped up and bit him, Game Of Thrones is way too advanced for him! Maybe he should start with the Diary Of A Wimpy Kid series and work his way up! We’re going to build a wall along the North and make the Stormlands pay for it. It’s gonna be huge, believe me!

When President Trump tweeted out a meme of his envisioned steel-slat wall with the words, “THE WALL IS COMING” over the weekend, many fans of “Game of Thrones” accused the president of never actually watching the hit HBO series.

In the series, the enormous wall of ice protecting the Seven Kingdoms from encroaching wildlings is — spoiler alert — eventually destroyed, which is presumably not the end result Trump envisions along the southern border. But Trump’s allusion to the “Game of Thrones” wall is all the more curious for another reason.

The fictional “Game of Thrones” barrier is actually based on a real wall. In fact, it’s one of the most famous walls in ancient Western civilization — one that may hold a lesson for Trump. A massive wall, said historian David Frye, is nothing without an equally massive investment in upkeep and patrol. That fact is evident in the true story of Hadrian’s Wall, the inspiration behind the fictional frozen wall in “Game of Thrones.”

George R.R. Martin, the author of the book series, “A Song of Ice and Fire,” that inspired “Game of Thrones,” has previously revealed that he was standing atop Hadrian’s Wall in 1981, imagining himself as a second-century Roman soldier, when he had the idea for his wall.

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[font size="8"]The Trump Shutdown
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Yeah so republicans got their asses handed to them in the midterm election but that doesn’t mean that things are going to get back to some sort of normalcy are they? Yeah no, that’s exactly our answer too, and while we are going to talk about the wall in a minute – we have to talk about something that is a direct result of the Wall, and that is Trump’s pissing contest about funding the wall that is turning into one of the worst things to happen to his presidency so far. Just how bad is it?

With the government shutdown set to enter its third week, and with the possibility of it lasting for months more, the most tangible evidence of its impact appears to be the most gastronomical.

People are having a difficult time dispensing with their poop.

At national parks across the country, human excrement is piling up, bathrooms have become unbreathable heaps of bodily fluids, and park officials are noticing visitors relieving themselves in places where they should not be.

The shit storm—for lack of a more apt phrase—is a byproduct of a quirk in how the government has approached this shutdown versus those prior. Instead of closing the national parks, the Trump administration has kept them open but with little to no staff there to help manage the premises. With sanitation workers not on the job, human toxicity has been left unattended. And unlike other outcomes of the shutdown—from disrupted scientific research, to furloughed federal workers, to government programs operating on shoestring staff and budgets—this one has broken through the news clutter.

At the Point Reyes National Seashore in California, the buildup of human waste was so bad that the park had to be closed for health hazards. The East Bay Times reported that “pit toilets had become ‘incapacitated.’” John Dell’Osso, chief of interpretation for the park, told the San Francisco

That’s right – things are so bad right now that the national parks system is literally overflowing with feces right now. Yeah that’s a legacy for Trump there! You know it takes 100 years to build one’s reputation and then it takes 5 minutes from some jackass with a wrecking ball to knock it all down, and Trump is that jackass! Just how bad is it?

WASHINGTON — The impact of a partial government shutdown began to ripple across the economy as it stretched into Day 17, with mortgage applications delayed, public companies unable to get approval to raise capital and thousands of Secret Service agents expected to show up for work without pay.

President Trump and congressional Democrats have made little progress in negotiations to end a shutdown that has affected about 800,000 federal workers, many of whom will miss their first paycheck this week, and who owe a combined $249 million in monthly mortgage payments, according to the online real estate firm Zillow.

The shutdown shows no sign of ending soon, with Mr. Trump announcing Monday that he would address the nation on Tuesday evening from the Oval Office to discuss what he called the crisis at the southern border, and the White House saying that he would travel to the border this week as part of his effort to persuade Americans of the need for a wall — the sticking point in negotiations with Democrats.

The standoff is beginning to inflict pain on Americans, whose lives are affected, in one way or another, by the federal government. It is already the second-longest shutdown in history, behind the one that started in December 1995 and lasted 21 days.

And just how badly is the government wrecked? Well we already mentioned how bad the poop situation is at our national parks and how average Americans are starting to feel it but one of the worst hit is our airports. Yes, the TSA is completely fucked up right now. You thought you hated long lines at the airport? Well, you ain’t seen nothing yet!

The nation’s airports continue to operate, even as parts of the government remain shut down: air traffic control workers and airport security officers remain on the job. But as the shutdown moves into its third week, some fear it’s only a matter of time before the nation’s air traffic system begins to feel the impact.

Officials at the Transportation Security Administration acknowledge that growing numbers of security screeners are not showing up for work, but say the call-outs aren’t significant enough to have an impact on airport operations.

According to TSA officials, roughly 51,000 employees are involved in the airport screening process. The TSA is part of the Department of Homeland Security, which is the largest federal agency affected by the partial shutdown.

TSA spokesman Michael Bilello said Tuesday that “call outs” were slightly higher at 4.6 percent versus 3.8 percent at this time last year, but that the number was not large enough to have a significant impact on operations.

Come on even beer, beer is being affected by the shut down! OK you can wreck havoc on our airports and our national park system but I will come after you if you do any interfering with our precious, precious beers!!! What? Wanna fight about it???

Full Mile Beer Co. & Kitchen opened for business in Sun Prairie right as the government was shutting down.

"Since we just opened three weeks ago, this is the first time we actually had to file our federal quarterly tax," said co-owner C.J. Hall.

The IRS is closed due to the shutdown. When Hall had questions about filing taxes for his brewery for the first time, there was no one to answer his questions on the other end.

"I had some questions about it. So I hopped on the website, found the 1-800 number, called and got the recorded message," Hall said.

Hall said he filed his taxes as best as he could and said, "If they're wrong, I'm sure someone will tell us at some point."

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
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That wall icon is the perfect one for this next entry isn’t it? Yes of course we’re going to talk about Trump’s completely asinine border wall. And it is asinine. Because I am starting to think that Trump hasn’t exactly thought this thing through. Oh wait, who am I kidding? Of course he hasn’t I mean we’re almost an entire presidential administration in to doing this Top 10 thing here. And of course we’re doing this thing during the worst president of all time. I mean this whole wall thing is completely absurd, and Trump Is running this show like he’s the king of Game Of Thrones. This is more like a Game Of Groans!

Building a wall along the border with Mexico was one of Mr Trump's key election promises.

The White House says the wall is critical to stopping illegal immigrants and drugs entering the country.

The border is 1,954 miles (3,145 km) long, with about 650 miles of various types of fencing already in place through California, Arizona, New Mexico and Texas.

According to documents obtained by CNN at the beginning of 2018, officials told Congress that the Trump plan would mean 864 miles of new wall and 1,163 miles of replacement wall. It would cost $33bn (Ł26bn).

Trump is literally holding this country hostage for something that makes absolutely no sense. Oh and by the way in case you were wondering what happened to the wall on Game Of Thrones?

That’s right – the knight winds up destroying the wall! That’s what happens when you build walls that are meaningless! But this is absolutely scary what this guy is doing.

One South Carolina politician is not holding back when it comes to the government shutdown, President Donald Trump and Republican leadership in the U.S. Senate.

U.S. representative James Clyburn, the new House Majority Whip, released a statement Sunday criticizing the president and Senate majority leader Mitch McConnell, saying Trump is holding Americans “hostage.”

In his statement, the Democrat from Columbia said the House of Representatives plans to vote on “bills to reopen vital government services,” to allow federal employees to return to work.

He then put the onus on McConnell, R-Kentucky, saying in the statement it is “unconscionable,” to block votes on the “bills to reopen the government.”

Yeah because if there’s one guy you can trust to end this shit, it’s Mitch McConnell! Ever notice that Trump had an operation on his asshole and Mitch McConnell had an operation on his middle finger? I know what are these two guys trying to tell us? And you know what? Come on with this shit already, we really need to get the adults back in charge!

President Trump has made more than 7,000 false claims as president — and that doesn’t even include his clearly ridiculous, fanciful claims that can’t be directly disproved. Such is the case with his recent claim that other presidents have told him they should have built the border wall when they were in office. There are only four living former presidents, three of them have denied it was them, and a fourth — Jimmy Carter — has never endorsed a border wall and seems unlikely to have done so, given his focus on humanitarianism. (Update: The Carter Center now says it wasn’t Carter, either.) The idea that even one of them confided this in Trump is hard to stomach; the idea that multiple did so is just bonkers.

But alas, when you work for Trump, you can’t just admit your boss made it up. So you do what Mick Mulvaney did Sunday: squirm.

The acting White House chief of staff was confronted about the claim by CNN’s Jake Tapper, and he commenced stumbling through a largely nonsensical argument abut semantics and what the word “wall” means. Then he finally just admitted he doesn’t know who the president is/presidents are:

Like that ever stopped Wiley Coyote, just like Trump he’s a super genius! And by the way what’s going to stop this? Who’s going to pay for it? I got a hint: it ain’t Mexico. It’s gonna be us! And you know how hard this is going to be? Trump is a fucking idiot. Oh wait, he knows everything. Or does he?

From western California to eastern Texas, across four US states and 24 counties, the 1,933-mile US-Mexico border criss-crosses arid desert, rugged mountains, and winding rivers.

For 654 of those miles, fencing separates the two countries from each other.

The 7.3 million people who live in the border counties on each side of the line have watched for years as security grew tighter and illegal crossings tapered off.

In just the last 12 years, the US government built the barriers, deployed troops, and started using advanced surveillance technology — all in an effort to tame and control some of the wildest and remotest land in the United States.

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[font size="8"]Jair Bolsonaro
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Welcome to your new nightmare, Brazil! And hey if you think I’m not going to a piece on Brazil’s creeping dictatorship without wearing a traditional Carnivale costume and playing Samba music, you are dead wrong! Hit it! So in case you haven’t noticed during the last two weeks, a new era of ultra far right fascism has begun in the South American country under their new president Jair Bolsonaro, a guy who is a Putin stooge and who many have described as the “Trump Of The Tropics”. And he is unbelievably scary, and what he’s doing actually puts Trump to shame, and it’s only going to get worse! He’s already got to work purging his enemies!

Brazil’s new president has authorised the dismissal of civil servants who do not share his far-right ideology, it has been reported.

Having taken office this week, Jair Bolsonaro has launched a purge of left-wing government officials with approximately 300 people expected to be dismissed.

Officials who are seen as being supportive of the previous left-wing and centrist governments will be removed to “clean the house”, Mr Bolsonaro’s chief of staff Onyx Lorenzoni said.

“It’s the only way to govern with our ideas, our concepts and to carry out what Brazil’s society decided in its majority,” Mr Lorenzoni said, according to Die Welt.

He added that the vast proportion of those dismissed are on temporary contracts and their removal is necessary to “do away with the Socialist and Communist ideas that during 30 years have led us to the chaos in which we live.”

Because purges always work so well don’t they? Just look at Turkey, the Philippines, Poland, and Hungary to find out where Brazil’s headed. Because Putin is turning the world’s democracies on their ear by spreading fear, hate, and misinformation that gets creeps like Bolsonaro and Trump elected. And guess who he’s going after? Oh wait, you don’t have to! If you’ve been following Trump you already know!

Newly installed President Jair Bolsonaro targeted Brazil’s indigenous groups, descendants of slaves and the LGBT community with executive orders in the first hours of his administration, moving quickly after a campaign in which the far-right leader said he would radically overhaul many aspects of life in Latin America’s largest nation.

Sao Paulo's stock market, meanwhile, jumped 3.56 percent to a record closing of 91,012 points as new Cabinet ministers reinforced the intent to privatize state-owned companies and a Brazilian arms maker benefited from Bolsonaro's plans to loosen gun controls. Similar spikes in stock prices also occurred during the presidential campaign.

One of the orders issued late Tuesday, hours after Bolsonaro's inauguration, likely will make it all but impossible for new lands to be identified and demarcated for indigenous communities. Areas set aside for "Quilombolas," as descendants of former slaves are known, are also affected by the decision.

Another order removed the concerns of the LGBT community from consideration by the new human rights ministry.

But of course he’s going to restore order, people! I mean just look at how well Trump is trying to fix an already burning ship. He’s pledging that Brazil has been lifted from the confines of socialism and political correctness! Wait, that sounds familiar. We got to keep our composure people!!!!! We can’t have anybody freaking out here!!!

Brazil‘s newly inaugurated President Jair Bolsonaro said on Tuesday (January 01) that he would “restore order,” and he vowed to tackle corruption, crime and economic mismanagement in Latin America’s largest nation.

Bolsonaro, a former army captain turned lawmaker who openly admires Brazil‘s 1964-1985 military dictatorship, promised in his first remarks as president to adhere to democratic norms, after his tirades against the media and political opponents had stirred unease.

A seven-term congressman who spent decades on the fringes of Brazilian politics, Bolsonaro was swept to power in October by voters’ outrage with traditional political parties, making him Brazil‘s first right-wing president since the dictatorship.

Voters punished mainstream parties following more than four years of graft investigations that laid bare the largest political corruption scheme ever discovered. Centrist parties were trounced, reshaping Brazil‘s political landscape and polarising Congress.

Following a knife attack during the presidential campaign that left Bolsonaro hospitalized for weeks, security was tight for his inauguration. Some 10,000 police officers and soldiers were deployed on the streets of Brasilia, the capital, as Bolsonaro and his wife rode in an open-topped Rolls-Royce to Congress.

And speaking of keeping our composure, guess what? You’re in good company, Brazil! Because guess who Bolsonaro is already courting? He’s courting Putin’s favorite president, Donald J. Trump, and we all know what a dumpster fire he’s been setting here in America!

Bolsonaro issued a directive giving the Agriculture Ministry, which is dominated by a powerful agro-business lobby, control over areas reserved for Brazil's indigenous peoples and the descendants of former slaves. He made it nearly impossible for new protected lands to be demarcated. A government agency run by a prominent general was given the ability to "monitor" international organisations and nongovernmental organisations operating in Brazil. And the LGBT community was excluded from a list of groups whose concerns would be protected by a new Human Rights Ministry.

None of this should be a surprise. Bolsonaro is a strident far-right ideologue, notorious for his bigoted rhetoric against women, minorities, the poor and LGBT Brazilians. Once a buffoonish figure on the fringes of the country's politics, he marshalled deep frustrations with Brazil's dysfunction — its stagnating economy, its soaring crime, its corrupt political elites — to score dramatic victories in elections last year. Now he is following through on his promises to upend the status quo and crack down on imagined enemies.

Perhaps more conspicuous was the enthusiastic cheerleading coming from the Trump Administration. Bolsonaro has long been likened to United States President Donald Trump — another angry nationalist bent on radically shifting his country to the right while trying to tear down the political achievements of opponents to the left.

Former Trump adviser Stephen Bannon whispered encouragement to Bolsonaro's camp. The Brazilian politician, meanwhile, launched Trumpian attacks on everything from "fake news" to refugees.

Bet you didn’t think you were going to hear the last of Steve Bannon did you? I mean last we saw he could barely fill the breakfast buffet at Holiday Inn and getting canned from talking about having sex with robots! And you know that most of the people there were there for the free buffet and couldn’t give less of a shit about Steve Bannon. But in case you’re wondering how well Brazil’s war on crime is going, just look at what happened this week at Rio’s landmark Cristo Redentor statue:

Dozens of tourists hiking toward the famous Christ the Redeemer statue in Rio de Janeiro were held at gunpoint for up to two hours in a mass robbery that could mark an early test for anti-crime crackdowns promised by Brazil’s new president.

Police said Friday that at least three assailants carrying knives and a gun set up the ambush on the trail, which cuts through a dense forest that borders a slum on the outskirts of the city and has been the site of numerous muggings.

In total, more than 30 people were robbed Thursday — about half foreigners from Asia, Europe and elsewhere in South America — as the thieves took hostages and waited for more tourists to arrive.

They took cellphones, cameras, wedding rings and credit cards, police said. Nobody was hurt.

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[font size="8"]Top 10 Investigates
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Hey Portland, it’s time to investigate beyond the headlines! This is Top 10 Investigates!

“Are you gonna eat that?” is a question for the ages. But these days you might want to think twice before asking that question. It seems there is a food recall just about every other day. In fact there’s almost too many to count. Whether it’s sausages or chicken or lettuce or tomatoes or potatoes, there’s so many recalls that you can’t even begin to comprehend them. And under the recent government shutdown perpetrated by President Trump, it could get so much worse! In fact before you hit the stove here’s what you might want to do first.

There is no poop apocalypse.

Food recalls throughout 2018 may have some American consumers nervous to put anything in their mouths, but the U.S. food system is still among the safest in the world, especially considering the sophistication of the country’s supply chains, the sheer number of people eating in this country and the reporting tools in place.

It seems like there is a new federal-government warning every day – No romaine! Watch out for beef! Don't even think about Honey Smacks! – which may lead us to believe our food supply isn't safe.

Experts say the opposite is true.

The average American eats close 960 pounds of food a year, according to the U.S. Department of Agriculture's Economic Research Service. And only a tiny percentage of all those millions of products is recalled – usually before any of those 300 million-plus Americans even put it in their mouths.

Poop Apocalypse by the way – not a band who you want to see playing at the Troubadour this weekend or next weekend. But just because there’s lots of reasons not to enjoy your food doesn’t mean that you should stop buying it. So how will that affect your every day business if you work in the food industry?

You may want to think twice about those grab-and-go-food items.

Millions of pounds of ready-to-eat salads and premade food items including entrees, burritos, wraps and pizzas at several big-name retailers such as Kroger, Whole Foods, 7-Eleven, Trader Joe's and Walmart have been recalled due to the potential risk of listeria and salmonella contamination.

The recalls stem from those issued by a dozen food manufacturers including Bakkavor Foods, Envolve Foods and Ruiz Food Products. The food makers notified the U.S. Department of Agriculture about products they shipped that could include ingredients such as corn, diced onions and other vegetables possibly tainted with bacteria – all provided from a single company, McCain Foods, the USDA says.

The initial recalls, announced by the USDA on Oct. 17, involved relatively small quantities, ranging from 217 pounds to 940 pounds of salads. Among those products recalled last week were Whole Foods' Santa Fe style salad with chicken, sold at stores in California; Trader Joe's labeled BBQ flavored chicken salad, sold in several states; and Walmart's marketside fiesta salad with steak, sold in some of its stores.

Yeah it’s kind of like that. But really don’t reach for that grab and go item – who knows how long it’s been sitting on the shelf? And by the way if you can’t keep track of all the food recalls, don’t worry, even the government cant. And as has already been mentioned it’s only going to get worse. So much worse.

Some of the biggest food recall news of 2018 didn’t come from a food producer or distributor. And, it didn’t force consumers to check their cupboards or refrigerators for potentially poisonous food. It came from FDA Commissioner Scott Gottlieb in September when he announced the agency would begin publicly disclosing retail locations that may have sold or distributed recalled food — in some circumstances.

The shift away from protecting “confidential corporate information” and toward public safety is so significant it made our Top 10 list of food safety news stories for 2018.

Another headline out of the Food and Drug Administration’s 2018 recall file was “the agency’s first-ever mandatory recall order,” Gottlieb said in a Late November statement about the FDA’s investigation of contamination of kratom products and dozens of related illnesses. The kratom situation, which included multiple recalls and a Salmonella outbreak, also earned a spot on the Food Safety News Top 10 list for the year.

Other big recall news in the “Year of the Dog” involved millions of eggs, millions of pounds of meat and poultry, an unrevealed volume of other foods under the jurisdiction of FDA and the USDA’s Food Safety and Inspection Service (FSIS). Here, in no particular order, are some of the most noteworthy recalls initiated in 2018.

And if you want even some of the recent food recalls, here’s just a short list:

Another Jennie-O Turkey Store, this one in Faribault, MN, late Friday recalled more than 164,000 pounds of raw ground turkey products that may be contaminated with Salmonella Reading, according to the U.S. Department of Agriculture’s Food Safety and Inspection Service (FSIS). The recalled turkey was shipped to retail locations nationwide. Based on the continuing investigation, additional products from other companies may also be recalled.

Four days after the investigation of the latest romaine lettuce E. coli outbreak led to Adam Bros. Farms in Santa Barbara, California, Adam Bros. recalled red leaf lettuce, green leaf lettuce and cauliflower.

Meanwhile, on Tuesday, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention updated its romaine lettuce consumption advice, saying U.S. consumers should “not eat and retailers and restaurants not serve or sell any romaine lettuce harvested from certain counties in the Central Coastal growing regions of northern and central California (Monterey, San Benito, Santa Barbara). If you do not know where the romaine is from, do not eat it.”

Certain types of 9Lives cat food are being recalled because they could be missing an essential nutrient.

The U.S. Food and Drug Administration says 9Lives Protein Plus With Tuna & Chicken and 9Lives Protein Plus With Tuna & Liver could contain dangerously low levels of thiamine, also known as vitamin B1.

Yes, even cat food is not immune from the food recalls. That’s it for Top 10 Investigates. Good day.

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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
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Gather around, my fair brothers and sisters of Portland, it’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate! For the Holy Church of the Top 10 has convened and it’s our weekly duty to remind you why the holiest among us are also the most full of:

My fair congregation! I am back! I am rested and ready to work again! For I provide entertainment in our church for you, the people! I hope you had a good High Holidays, I know I did! For I spent mine trying to come up with ways that this year could either go right or wrong. And apparently many of our brothers and sisters also did the same thing that I did. No one can predict how the new year is going to go, no one can predict how the weather works! But they might as well try. And I cite the Good Book as my precedent in this one!

Hank Kunneman, a right-wing pastor who runs One Voice Ministries in Omaha, Nebraska, delivered a prophetic sermon on New Year’s Eve in which he declared that God will use 2019 to weaken and divide the Democratic Party ahead of the 2020 elections.

“Watch what I will do, says the Lord,” Kunneman said. “How is this, you say, we have a Democratic House? Listen, there is a spirit, and I’ve allowed it, an evil spirit—and I’m not speaking political, says the Lord, I’m speaking to that which has been devised by the enemy to seek to stall you, to create division and conflict. As it was in the days of Pharaoh and of Egypt, when they stood proud and said, ‘We shall stop Moses and we shall stop Israel,’ so this House that is seeking to align is whispering in secret this same thing.”

“Who do you think you are?” Kunneman continued, speaking on behalf of God. “For as I drowned Pharaoh and his army, I will drown the lying spirits that seek to divide. Out of your mouth, oh donkey party, you shall speak and you will overplay your hand. And because you will overplay your hand, there shall come a split in your own party, for the division that you shall seek to bring shall divide your own party and it shall greatly effect the 2020 election.”

Yes really! I mean how crazy do you have to be to already call something that hasn’t even happened yet? What else could they be cooking up? You do know that lying is a sin and it says so in my good book, I have a copy right here in my hand, my congregation! But would you be think that the left are committing unspeakable horrors in the new year?

Alex Jones, the conspiracy theorist founder of Infowars, told listeners that President Trump will spend 2019 “going into battle” against his supposed foes, which includes the deep state, pedophile rings, and “the censorship.”

Jones spent his New Year’s Eve broadcasting live to the Infowars audience, during which he ruminated on the “death-defying life” he leads and declared 2018’s winners and losers. During the show, Jones spoke with a caller who told Jones that Trump has “got to declassify FISA, expose the corruption, arrest the traitors, and arrest the pedophiles” in 2019. The list of demands fits the standard fanfare of conspiracy theorist Trump supporters and rings reminiscent of the prophecies surrounding the QAnon conspiracy theory.

“I agree, victory or death, he now looks like he’s cleaning house. He’s getting rid of all the double agents and the word is that Trump is going to go into battle now. We’re talking he’s going to strike back against the censorship. He’s going to strike back against the pedophile rings—it’s already begun,” Jones said. “He’s going to strike back against the deep state. He’s going to strike back against all the criminal activity of [James] Comey and [Robert] Mueller being Russian operatives. So, just get ready.”

Last year, Jones was almost universally de-platformed from major social media websites including Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, iTunes and Spotify.

Excuse me a minute… you know Alex, no one calls it “the censorship”. And if you do call it that, you probably don’t know what censorship is! And we’re not touching that subject with a 10 foot pole, believe me! Well did you know that could lead to war? And that war is a coming! I say war is a coming my friends!!

The framer of a far-right survivalist movement in the Pacific Northwest rang in the new year by warning of religious civil war.

James Wesley, Rawles, (sic) a former U.S. Army intelligence officer and self-described religious separatist who once called Islam a “religion of evil and death,” thinks a “war of world views” may come as early as 2020. And he’s urging his readers to strategically relocate inland to red states.

“I’m predicting a Third Gulf War, but it won’t be fought in the Middle East,” Rawles published on his SurvivalBlog.com, which claims to have over 320,000 unique visitors each week. “It will be the Second Civil War, here in America and caused by the gulf between the right and left — or between the godly and the godless — or between the libertarians and the statists — or between the individualists and the collectivists.”

Rawles hedges by saying that armed confrontations may still be a generation away, if they come at all, but the upcoming presidential election and potential “vote counting manipulation” could trigger riots and kick off a civil war where some states would demand partition or secession.

Rawles cites the polarization of the United States’ two major political parties, an urban-rural divide and the “overt politicization” of government agencies — singling out the Federal Bureau of Investigations, Central Intelligence Agency, Defense Intelligence Agency and the Department of the Interior — as indicators of future conflict.

By the way can we just start calling these people “Nostradumbass”? I mean if you think you know what the year is going to bring and we’re only one week in, it’s going to be a long freaking year ahead, am I right about that? Can I get an AMEN???? And by the way, if someone who is uber religious claims to be a prophet, and they get called out for their prophecy as being false, never ever do that! Because these people are so insane that they can’t see how crazy they really are!

At the end of 2018, we posted a compilation of wrong predictions and false prophecies that had been made by various Trump-loving pundits and “prophets” during the year and right-wing preacher Lance Wallnau is not happy about his inclusion on our list.

We noted that on several instances in May and June of last year, Wallnau proclaimed that the Lord had showed him, based on a passage from the Book of Esther, that there would be “massive disclosures” that would incontrovertibly prove that Barack Obama and members of his administration had worked with the “deep state” to surveil, spy upon, and undermine President Trump.

June 6 would be “D-Day,” Wallnau predicted. “It’s coming out.”

The promised revelations never materialized, but Wallnau responded to our post in a video he streamed on Periscope last Saturday by insisting that his prophecy had nevertheless been accurate.

“They never mention anything I got right,” Wallnau complained, “which is why I’m particularly annoyed about being lumped in with prophetic inaccuracy.”

Wallnau insisted that revelations regarding the text messages between FBI agents Peter Strzok and Lisa Page were revealed right after he issued his prophecy, which led to the resignation of Andrew McCabe and the elevation of Rod Rosenstein.

So there you have it folks! Just don’t call out these people on how wrong they are because that would offend the good LAWRD JAYSUS! Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]This Fucking Guy (Gal): Kat Kerr
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This week’s “This Fucking Guy” is actually a woman and one who is particularly crazy at that. We’re talking someone who thinks they can predict the weather and current events. I’m of course talking about Katt Kerr, who is a religious right pundit who frequently appears on shows like Dave Daubenmire and Sheila Zalinksy. Which really shows you how much they are scraping the bottom of the barrel at this point. Just how crazy is Ms. Kerr? Well there’s this. I mean how do you think you know what’s going on in heaven? We barely know what’s going on here?

On Saturday, self-proclaimed “prophetess” and “weather warrior” Kat Kerr spoke at River Rock Church in Reno, Nevada, where she reported that following the confirmation of Brett Kavanaugh to the Supreme Court, God gave her a vision of heaven in which she saw the souls of those who had been aborted having a party because Kavanaugh will be the key to overturning Roe v. Wade.

“God picked [Kavanaugh] like he picked Trump and he kept telling me, ‘I don’t care what they say, he is sitting on the Supreme Court and he is going to wipe out Roe v. Wade,'” Kerr said. “He kept showing me, letting me see all of these millions of babies who had been aborted that are in heaven, they sang and celebrated. They celebrated as they were saying, ‘Yes, he is going to sit on the Supreme Court.'”

“Today, they had a party in heaven,” Kerr added, “and they celebrated that other babies being conceived in the womb one day will never have to fear their lives being taken and they’ll get to complete their destiny on this earth. So there was a big party in heaven today because of that.”

“There is now God in the White House, because he’s welcomed and allowed to be there,” she continued. “And he said, ‘Now, I have permission to be in the Supreme Court’—because of Kavanaugh, as a believer siting on the bench in the Supreme Court—he said, ‘Now, I have the right to speak into the court system and because of that, I have assigned three special ops angels [to protect Kavanaugh].'”

Yeah probably! But while we’ve profiled many members of the religious right on this series from Lance Wallnau to Dave Daubenmire but these guys don’t hold a candle to the crazy that is Kat Kerr! I mean none of them think they know what is going on in heaven or think they can predict the weather. Or can they?

Pat Robertson is not alone in commanding Hurricane Florence to go somewhere else and not do any damage, in the name of Jesus, of course. Kat Kerr, who has repeatedly commanded hurricanes and volcanoes and wildfires to stop with no effect whatsoever, is “taking command” of Florence and sending it away.

“We’re not going to agree with any of the forecasts they are giving for that storm, the categories it is going to get to, the damage it is going to do, the flooding it’s going to do,” Kerr declared. “We are crushing it.”

“This is not a game,” she said. “We take authority over Florence and we say, ‘You will not grow, you will not hit land, you will not do destructive things to America or anywhere.’ … As a member of the body of Christ, I have authority over the storms and right now, I take authority over Florence, over any of the demonic army controlling it and powering it and steering it and I say, ‘No, you do not have authority over the weather, but we do.’”

“It will be diminished and downgraded, downgraded, downgraded,” Kerr added. “We say Florence will come to nothing and it will be quickly and it will be seen by everyone that goes online, anyone who watches the weather, the weather [reporters] will be forced for forecast it, they will be forced to talk about it. This is why God is doing this, so they will physically see that we, as believers, have authority over the weather.”

Fucking hurricane! How do they work? Miracles! Yes, I am making an Insane Clown Posse reference here because this is too stupid to comprehend! You do know that’s how hurricanes work, right, Kat? They start, they get bigger, then they diminish! That’s not the only thing that Kat is perplexed by how they work, she apparently has no idea how elections work either!

Last weekend, self-proclaimed “prophetess” and “weather warrior” Kat Kerr spoke at Gateway on Mt. Zion church in Colorado, where she likened President Trump to Jesus and explicitly urged the congregation to “vote Republican” in the upcoming midterm elections.

“God has hand-picked the person that he wants there and there is no human being on this earth—there is nothing in the earth, over the earth—nothing that can take those people from that White House,” Kerr declared. “Never in the history of our country has one man caused such an uproar. Never in the history of our nation or even in this world, except Christ, because Christ caused the greatest uproar in his time. He was not liked by the hierarchy, he was hated by the ruling powers, and the devil especially despised him and tried every way he could to get him out of the picture. Does that sound familiar?”

Kerr also asserted that “Trump has given his heart to Jesus Christ” and “has given God a place in the White House,” which is why he cannot be defeated and why Republicans are guaranteed to win the midterm elections.

“Every time they try to do something—this is from heaven—they will lose,” she said. “They’ll lose in the elections, they’ll lose in areas of business, they’ll lose in areas of government, because this is God’s divine time and when he said, right before the election, ‘I’m turning that map red, whether anyone likes it or not, I’m putting my hand on America and I’m going to move across it; when they wake up in the morning, they will find out that map is red.’ Was it red? Well, get ready for the midterm elections. He’s going to turn it red again.”

“So vote Republican,” Kerr commanded. “On November 6, make sure you go vote. There will be angels in every voting booth.”


And this might be my favorite Kat Kerr story. See there have been many a self-proclaimed prophet that claims to have met the almighty, but none can claim what he looks like! But Kat can! In fact she’s got details! Just… I’m done. I can’t even.

Kat Kerr, the self-proclaimed Christian “Prophetess” who once attempted to beat back Hurricane Irma with a scepter, then, after seeing all the damage caused by Irma, blamed everyone else for not following her lead, gave a rather… interesting speech last night.

She was giving an opening speech for the Heaven’s Invitation 2018 conference. When she got to a part about Jesus, she reminded the audience about how big and strong and sexy the Savior is.

… We should be like Him. And act like Him. And it’s not impossible or He would not have said, “Let us give man dominion,” you know? And “let us make man in Our image.” That is what they look like.

They have arms and legs. They have heads. They have bodies. I’m talking about the Trinity and Holy Spirit, who is invisible. He has a body. He’s big. He’s a really big and tall guy. He can be as big as He wants! I’ve seen Him appear as like swirls of color or, like, tornadoes with the flames of fire all on Him. Sometimes, I’ll see Him walk in and there will just be flames outlining His whole person. If Jesus wanted to, He could make Himself big enough to hold this whole Earth in His hand. Or He could be normal-size on the Earth, which is around six foot tall.

And He was very handsome. I noticed that he wasn’t very comely, but that was when He was being beaten and hung on the cross. You know, that no man would want to look up on Him. But normally, He was very strong. He picked up trees. He was a carpenter…

Ah I love that scene! And I really want to think that the sentence “Jesus can be as big as he wants” refers to a certain body part, but that would just make it creepy! That’s Kat Kerr, this week’s this Fucking Gal!

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[font size="8"]Explaining Jokes To Idiots: Louis CK
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Yes it’s the segment where we in the comedy profession explain humor to the people who just don’t quite get humor. And you know who doesn’t get humor? Critics of Louis CK. Yeah we get it – there’s things we shouldn’t joke about. But that’s not going to stop somebody from joking about them, I mean shit, this program wouldn’t exist if that were the case! There’s many things you can say about Louis CK that don’t immediately attack his humor – yes he’s a colossal piece of shit. But the minute you start attacking language and mannerisms, we all lose!

On Christmas Eve, Kevin Spacey made what appeared to be the most tasteless comeback attempt of 2018. In a video he posted on Twitter called "Let Me Be Frank," he gave a weird speech in the character of his also-creepy "House of Cards" character Frank Underwood, about how we "trusted him, even though we knew we shouldn't." He is currently facing charges for indecent assault and battery, which involve allegations about which he has not responded to requests for comment.

As if that was not enough, and with less than 24 hours of 2018 to spare, audio footage of an also-horrendous new set by Louis C.K. was leaked to YouTube. In the space of just a few minutes, he can be heard viciously mocking the survivors of the Parkland high school shooting, as well as trans and non-binary people. The set, reportedly from a performance earlier in December, was swiftly condemned, but presumably also provided some comfort for anyone concerned that #MeToo irrevocably wrecks men's lives.

(In the interests of fairness, I should also mention that Spacey attempted to skip his forthcoming hearing in Nantucket, Massachusetts, and that request was denied on New Year's Eve.)

Yes. Let’s unpack this here a bit. So in the span of two days, you had Kevin Spacey’s unbelievably cringe worthy attempt to make a comeback (ed. note: we won’t encourage that kind of behavior, so we won’t post it, you can find it on Youtube) and then you had Louis CK’s attempt. But really who the fuck has a live phone on when there’s a live performance in front of you???

Like many others, I spent a few grudging minutes listening to the recently leaked recording of comic Louis C.K.’s now iconically controversial stand-up set from an unannounced gig last month in Levittown, N.Y.

It was another of C.K.’s tentative steps back onto the comedy stage after his self- (but mostly Internet-) imposed mini-exile following accusations that he masturbated in front of several non-consenting women. After just a year out of the spotlight, he seemed to be starting from scratch — though it felt more like scraping.

Weeks after the set, recordings started circulating around the Internet, trimmed to showcase some select bit from C.K.’s routine, including tried-and-tired whines against the idea of honoring preferred pronouns for trans people and nasty jabs at survivors of the Parkland school shooting.

“You’re not interesting because you went to a high school where kids got shot. You didn’t get shot! You pushed some fat kid in the way and now I’ve got to listen to you talking?”

Look I get it, there’s plenty of reasons to dislike Louis CK, how about the fact that he’s a colossal piece of shit? I’m not defending what he did, I’m defending his profession. Here’s the thing in the comedy world too – people make jokes based on what the hot button issues are. And he shouldn’t have gone there, but he did. And now we have to deal with it. And here’s the thing – don’t start talking about what topics a comedian can and cannot discuss, because that’s censorship. And we all lose when that happens.

Comedian Louis C.K., who fell from grace after admitting in November 2017 that he had serially masturbated in front of various women, is back in the news after audio footage of his new material leaked online. The set, performed at a Long Island comedy club called Governor's on December 16, at various points mocks the Parkland kids, takes young people to task for being preoccupied with gender pronouns, and discusses the dick sizes of various ethnic groups.

In other words, the new stuff is pretty much exactly in line with Louis C.K.'s previous material, which was equally dedicated to the slaughter of sacred cows. His 2008 special, Chewed Up, for instance, opened with him using the word "faggot"—he moved onto the c-word and the n-word shortly thereafter—and ended with him joking about masturbating on 9/11.

You might not think this kind of humor is funny, and that's fine. Moreover, you might think Louis C.K., who initiated sexual situations with unwilling women, is a creepy person who has lost the right to joke about uncomfortable subjects. That's also fine. But it would be silly to pretend that Louis C.K. has undergone some sort of change or deliberate pivot. He's just doing his same old shtick.

And I think that Louis CK doesn’t either. By the way comedy isn’t dead, in fact it’s alive and well – which is why you people are at this show! Ah, see how I turned it around there? But like I said the minute you attack the subject matter, we all lose! Just ask Chris Rock.

The 2019 New York Film Critics Circle Awards featured a star-studded roster of memorable surprise presenters, from Kathryn Bigelow to Naomi Watts, Martin Scorsese, Steve Martin, and Ellen Page, but no one earned a more rapturous response than Chris Rock. The comedian took the stage to present fellow comedian and breakout “Eighth Grade” director Bo Burnham with this year’s Best First Film prize, but he ended up stealing the show himself.

Rock started his brief time at the podium with a pointed dig at the current cultural climate for making life extremely difficult for comedians. “If it was five years ago, I could say something really offensive and funny right now,” Rock said, “but I can’t do that anymore, so…heyyyy!” The joke arrived in the wake of controversies involving controversial jokes made by Kevin Hart and Rock’s friend Louis C.K. Hart has gone on record saying he will not host the Oscars after stepping down due to backlash over past jokes containing LGBTQ slurs, while C.K. was the center of backlash after a leaked December comedy set contained jokes about gender pronouns and the Parkland school shooting survivors.

Unsurprisingly, Rock had no problem being funny despite joking he is no longer allowed to crack jokes. The comedian earned big laughs while setting up Burnham’s movie, saying, “There are lot of movies out right now, but the best one about eighth grade is ‘Eighth Grade.’ It’s a touching tribute to the eighth grade! I never thought I would want to relive the eighth grade until I saw this movie. Bo, I could’ve played that dad, I would’ve fucking killed that part. but we’ll deal with that another time.”

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[font size="8"]People Are Dumb
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Hit it!

Of course by now you know that people are people, and people are dumb. And while we took a break the last couple of weeks for New Year’s, there has really been no shortage of stupid people. I mean come on, if stupid people took a break during the Christmas holiday why would we even need a reason for the internet? I know, right? Thank you sir! But who was stupid while we were away? Well plenty of folks for starters! For instance this is the new year and one of my favorite lists comes out at this time of the year, and it’s Deadspin’s list of things people went to the hospital for that they stuck in certain body parts. Yes, this is most certainly cringe worthy!

Happy new year, one and all. This year, resolve to take better care of your dick and balls; last year you did a really bad job of it.

Last week we examined what Americans got stuck up their butts; now it’s on to the opposite of the butt, the penis. All patient descriptions are taken verbatim from the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission’s database of emergency room visits:






I want to know more about the boiling hot peas story! Next up we go to Sri Lanka for this story and I don’t know if these people have ever seen Blazing Saddles but maybe they should, I don’t know, check to see if there’s a real person there first before attempting to offer a bribe?
Sri Lankan police have arrested two people who posted a Facebook video showing one of them pretending to give a bribe to a traffic police cutout.

In the footage, a motorcyclist is seen offering money to the life-size figure of an officer with a speed gun in the northern town of Vavuniya.

The man in the video and his friend who filmed it have been released on bail.

They are charged with damaging public property, and humiliating and creating a bad public image of the police.


Really? Creating a bad public image of the police is a crime in Sri Lanka? The police already have a bad public image to begin with, I’m not sure they really need that! OK next up we go to the land down under, Australia for this one. What’s with people and spiders lately? Last year we had that guy who tried to kill spiders with a blowtorch. This year is already one week old and we have a guy yelling at a spider to… die!

Police in Western Australia have confirmed they sent multiple officers to an emergency call that turned out to be a screaming man with a “serious fear” of spiders.

A concerned passerby was walking outside a house in suburban Perth when they heard a toddler screaming and a man repeatedly shouting “Why don’t you die?”

After they called triple zero, officers arrived to find a man “trying to kill a spider”, who apologised for having an extreme fear of the arachnid.

The Wanneroo police Twitter account posted a screenshot of the police log of the incident on Wednesday morning.

“Caller walked past the AA and heard a male screaming out ‘Why don’t you die’ – repeatedly,” the log read. “The toddler inside was screaming … caller doesn’t know them, but has seen them a few times when walking”.

Yeah it was probably like that. Next up, what’s a People Are Dumb without a visit from our good friend Florida Man? Yes, it’s the new year and apparently Florida Man and Florida woman both made resolutions to stay exactly the same. First up, we go Pinellas County where, Florida Man got something unfortunate stuck up the place where the sun don’t shine:

A Florida Man denied ownership of three syringes removed from his rectum during a 4:30 AM strip search at a county jail, according to a criminal complaint.

Cops arrested Wesley Scott, 40, early Friday on an outstanding warrant charging him with drug possession. While being searched in the field, Scott denied having any illegal items concealed on (or in) his body.

But when Scott, seen at right, arrived at the Pinellas County jail and was subjected to a strip search, he “removed three syringes from his rectum and provided them” to a jailer. Scott then claimed that he “found” the syringes and that "they were not his."

Well at least whatever was put up his ass was retired! And I love that he played the “It’s not mine” defense, because that almost never works. Finally this week we have another Florida Man story and a very cringe-worthy news article. You know the people writing the headline for this one couldn’t wait to make the “party pooper” joke.

A Florida teacher is bringing new meaning to the phrase ‘party pooper’.

A Florida substitute teacher accused of spreading human feces on tables and grills at a park where a principal was set to host a birthday party told deputies she was “displeased” with how the principal was handling a professional issue.

News outlets report that a Sarasota County Sheriff’s Office report says Phillippi Shores Elementary School substitute teacher Heather Carpenter told deputies she spread the feces Dec. 1 to disrupt the birthday party Principal Allison Foster had planned for her daughter.

Damage to the park totaled more than $2,300, including grills and tables that had to be replaced. Carpenter, 42, was charged with damaging property and criminal mischief.

The Sarasota Herald-Tribune reports Carpenter didn’t respond to a request for comment Monday.


That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]Deep State Diaries Episode 25: The Department Of The Interior
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It’s time for episode 25 of Deep State Diaries. Yes we’re touring the 24 branches and services that make up the United States government. Everything from the FBI to the IRS to the Pentagon to the CIA to the DPW to the DVA to parks and recreation and all branches and services in between. Of course if you’re here you probably already know more about our government and how it works than your average Fox News loving Trump supporter does. So that’s what this segment is going to address. We are going to do a deep dive into all that makes the United States the United States. Because we here at the Top 10 love to educate as well as entertain. Because we care.

[font size="6"]The Department Of The Interior[/font]

Now we here at Deep State Diaries are beginning to explore the depths of the president’s cabinet and one of those positions is the Secretary Of The Interior. You might remember that position from the movie Idiocracy when President Cammacho appoints Joe (Not Sure) to the position and his goal is to figure out what’s causing a massive dust bowl and leading to why humanity can’t grow crops. So what does the department of the interior do? Well being in charge of our national parks is one thing and it’s a super important position. But of course Trump only appoints the best people to the position and you know who he appointed when he first took office? A guy named Ryan Zinke, who is in some absolutely serious trouble right now.

Ryan Zinke is out as secretary of the interior.

Zinke will be leaving the Trump administration at the end of the year; his successor is expected to be announced next week.

On Saturday morning, President Trump tweeted that Zinke is leaving after serving for almost two years. He said Zinke has accomplished much during his tenure and thanked him for his service.

Zinke's departure comes after a tumultuous two years at the department, marked by mounting allegations of misconduct in office. He also faced the prospect of congressional probes after newly elected Democrats take majority control of the House.

The former Navy SEAL and one-term Montana congressman showed up for his first day at the Interior Department on horseback, promising to model himself after Theodore Roosevelt, the famed conservationist and 26th president.

If you want any further proof that we’re currently living in Idiocracy, look no further than the Department Of The Interior and how well its’ going. I wouldn’t trust these guys in the least to find out what’s going on with dead crops. I wouldn’t even trust them to fix a clogged toilet!

The U.S. Department of Justice is investigating whether President Donald Trump’s former Interior Secretary, Ryan Zinke, lied to Department of Interior investigators in what could be a potential criminal violation, the Washington Post reported on Thursday.

The Post, citing three people familiar with the matter, said the former Cabinet official was the center of two probes by his department’s inspector general: one involving his real estate transactions in Montana and another over his role in a review of a Connecticut casino project proposed by Native American tribes.

Zinke left the administration on Wednesday but had made no public mention of the ethics investigations upon his departure from Interior, which oversees America’s vast public lands. Trump did not give a reason for the departure when he announced it last month.

The people familiar with the matter said Interior investigators had referred the matter to the Department of Justice after coming to believe that Zinke had lied to them about his dealings, according to the Post.

Yeah probably. There was a great Onion article where they said that the Dept of Interior was using mallets to rid our national parks of its’ mole population. Yes, that’s right – whack a mole! I think in this case I’d rather play whack a Trump troll, and in this case it’s Ryan Zinke!

When a government agency wants to attract as little public attention as possible to a new policy, it announces it on a Friday at 4 p.m. Eastern, a time at which many reporters are eyeing the clock in anticipation of happy hour. If the policy is really controversial, the agency will announce it just before a holiday. And if the policy is really, really controversial, the agency won’t even make an announcement, it will simply post it in the Federal Register—ideally between Christmas and New Year’s.

That’s what the Department of Interior (DOI) did on December 28, when it submitted proposed changes to how it will manage public requests under the Freedom of Information Act (FOIA). Such requests are one of the main tools journalists and advocacy groups use to learn details about government activities, and they can lead to kinds of revelations that ultimately forced Secretary of Interior Ryan Zinke out last month. Though he once said he planned to run “the most transparent Interior” in our lifetime, it was hardly surprising at this point that Zinke, who scribbled an inscrutable final goodbye with a chunky red pen last week, would approve an attempt to undercut Americans’ access to information about the workings of the DOI.

The proposed changes would give the agency almost unlimited discretion to deny FOIA requests. In the Federal Registry notice, the DOI says that in “light of the unprecedented surge in FOIA requests and litigation,” it would now deny “burdensome” or “vague” requests, or those that require “the bureau to locate, review, redact, or arrange for inspection of a vast quantity of material.”

And in case you’re wondering who they got to replace Mr. Zinke, well, you know we said that Trump always has the reputation of hiring the best people. And well, the replacement that he got is almost as bad as Zinke is! Well, almost!

Now that Ryan Zinke has resigned as the head of the Interior Department, his deputy David Bernhardt has begun serving as acting secretary. President Donald Trump said last month he would name a permanent replacement but has yet to do so.

This handover of power at Interior has been striking in its similarity to the change in leadership at the Environmental Protection Agency last year, where an experienced DC insider replaced a high-profile outsider.

Former EPA Administrator Scott Pruitt, who made a name for himself as Oklahoma’s attorney general suing the EPA 14 times before taking office, resigned last July after ethics complaints and investigations into his ostentatious conduct became too much for the White House to bear. He was replaced by his deputy Andrew Wheeler, a former coal lobbyist and Senate staffer who’d previously worked at the EPA. Acting Administrator Wheeler has kept a much lower profile than Pruitt while steadily advancing Trump’s agenda.

Like Wheeler, Bernhardt is a former industry lobbyist and has previously worked at the Interior Department. He’s likely to be at the helm for a while and may even end up as the permanent secretary.

[font size="6"]Score Card [/font]

Overall importance: C-
How Things Are Going: B
Likely hood To Survive: B+

Overall: B-

[font size="6"]Next Week [/font]

Next week we’re blasting off into deep space by hanging out with NASA!

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8”]Anderson.Paak[/font]

Folks my next guest is one of the best hip hop artists of the last few years, his new album is called “Oxnard” and you can see him on tour in March. Playing his song called “Tints”, give it up for Anderson Paak!

Portland, we love you! This was a great city to start the season, we are off to Seattle next! See you next week!


Host: Initech
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of Live Audience At: McMenamin’s Baghdad Theater, Portland Oregon
Special Thanks To: McMenamin’s Group
Holy Shit Gospel Choir: Cascade Church Band, Portland, OR
Images: All images copyright belongs to respective copyright holders.
Videos: All videos copyright belongs to respective copyright holders
Articles: All article content copyright belongs to respective copyright holders
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Anderson.Paak Appears Courtesy Of: Aftermath Entertainment
Management: Initech Productions, CCC Management
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Initech Productions: Yes, We Got The Memo

Posted by Top 10 Idiots | Wed Jan 9, 2019, 05:01 PM (0 replies)

Top 10 Conservative Idiots: The Complete 6th Season

Top 10 Conservative Idiots: The Complete Sixth Season

Season 5: https://www.democraticunderground.com/100210720590
Season 4: https://www.democraticunderground.com/100210083764
Season 3: https://www.democraticunderground.com/100210008235
Season 2: https://www.democraticunderground.com/10029078791
Season 1: https://www.democraticunderground.com/1016169212

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! Can you believe that it's already our sixth season? And that this December will mark our 4th anniversary since the Idiots began? We started back in a much more innocent time before the grand exalted leader Trump took over but now we're sticking through the long haul! As is tradition this guide will serve as a handy way to bookmark many of your favorite segments - all of which will be back including a few new ones. If you're unsure of what all of these recurring segments are, the Top 10 Conservative Idiots Wiki will serve as a handy guide to them all. So what can you expect for our sixth season which will take us through Memorial Day of 2019? Well for one thing it's the return of our famous Stupidest State contest! Yes, the contest where we put 16 states from four different contest in a quest for superiority and stupidity is back! Who will take the crown this year and join Texas and Florida? It could be anyone's game! Plus there's tons of new content that we will have in store for you as the year goes on! And could this be the year of Trump's demise? And will the 119th Congress hand him his ass? Only one way to find out! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

Edition #6-1: Game Of Groans Edition (1/9/19)

Live from Portland! We catch up on stuff we missed during the long Christmas break including Trump's insane Game Of Thrones poster and him being all alone in the White House during his temper tantrum over the border wall. We also delve deep into what's causing the Trump led shut down of the government and who is affected by it and it's a lot crazier than you would thihk! We also discuss the latest happenings on Trump's insane wall idea and why he won't let that go. We have a new edition of "What's Up With Brazil?" as they begin a new era of fascism and oppression as the Trump of the tropics, Jair Bolsonaro, is sworn in as the country's new president. In our weekly investigative piece, Top 10 Investigates, we take a look at the world of food recalls and it will make you think twice before asking "hey, are you gonna eat that?". And in our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in "Holy Shit", our resident pastor is tanned, rested and back from vacation and he is ready to regale you with some insane predictions for the new year! We also have a new installment of "This Fucking Guy" in which we profile ultra far right fundamentalist pundit and self proclaimed "weather prophetess" Kat Kerr. We have a new edition of "Explaining Jokes To Idiots" where we talk about why you shouldn't censor the cringe-worthy subject matter that Louis CK was talking about, but there's plenty of other reasons why he's a colossal POS. And in People Are Dumb, there's plenty of stories of stupid people including horrifying and stupid ways people got sent to the ER, an Australian man yelling at a spider, and a couple of insane Florida Man stories. And the next installment of our ongoing series that explains how government works to Trump loving conspiracy theorists, Deep State Diaries, takes a look at the Department Of The Interior!
Live Musical Guest: Anderson.Paak

Edition #6-2: House Of Carbs Edition (1/16/19)

Live from Seattle! After winning the BCS National Championship, the Clemson Tigers head to the White House to visit Trump, and are greeted with a greasy buffet of Trump's favorite fast food including McDonalds, Burger King, and Wendy's. Trump's insane shut down over his border wall also takes a beating from his opponents and his mortal enemy - the fake news media. We play a game of "Is It Racist?" after Iowa rep Steve King (R-Obviously) wants to know why white supremacy is a bad thing in modern society. In Alt Right news, Laura Loomer proves why walls don't work while attempting to justify why we need a wall, while Gavin McInnes gets rejected by his neighbors and Alex Jones gets his ass handed to him in court. In our weekly investigative piece Top 10 Investigates, it's time for the annual Consumer Electronics Show and we take a look at all the strange new tech coming out of the conference. And in our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in "Holy Shit", our resident pastor is going to ask the question: "Would JAYSUS build the wall?". We have a new edition of "Beating A Dead Horse" - how long is too long to delete an old tweet if it says something that one might misconstrue as being offensive? We will find out! After yet another controversy, we ask how Logan Paul's Youtube channel is still a thing. Plus we have a new edition of People Are Dumb which includes a woman getting banned from Wal-Mart for a bizarre reason, a pair of Florida Man stories, and a recreation of a scene from the hit Netflix movie "Bird Box". And the next installment of our ongoing series Deep State Diaries explores the outer regions of deep space as we hang out with NASA!
Live Musical Guest: Rufus Du Sol

Edition #6-3: Thursday Night's All Right (For Fighting) Edition (1/23/19)

Live from Las Vegas! It's on!!! Trump takes on Nancy Pelosi and vice versa as the two trade blows over what was supposed to be a secret diplomatic bridge building gap trip, while Trump pulls out of the World Economic Summit in Davos. Back at home, during the Indigenous People's March in Washington DC, some creeps with MAGA hats stir up some shit with a Native American elder. We profile Trump's new attorney general nominee William Barr in a new installment of "This Fucking Guy". Oklahoma's new governor Kevin Stitt gets added to the ever growing list of People Who Somehow Got Elected. Our weekly investigative piece, Top 10 Investigates is going to examine a lot of different parameters about the LA Teacher's Strike - what do they want? Why are they striking? And many more questions. In our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in "Holy Shit", our resident pastor is going to present to you some forthcoming signs of the apocalypse and what you can expect when the Christian right delves into that very scary ending of the Bible. Beating A Dead Horse is going to break down the controversial new ad for Gillette razors that has both feminists and masculinists frothing at the mouth crazy. We have a new edition of "We're All Gonna Die" that explores some insane post apocalyptic scenarios and the Christian right's never-ending love of that scary last chapter of the Bible. And our first "I Need A Drink" of 2019 is going to examine why the government shutdown is having a brutal effect on America's craft beer industry. And the next installment of our ongoing series that explains how government works to conspiracy theorists, Deep State Diaries, is going to examine who handles our nation's economic prowess as we check out The Fed!
Live Musical Guest: The Claypool Lennon Delirium

Edition #6-4: Wheel Of Corruption: The Crimes Of Grindlewald Edition (1/30/19)

Live from Salt Lake City! After yet *ANOTHER* vote denying the reopening of the government, Mitch McConnell is yet again nowhere to be found, so we're going to play a game of "Where In The World Is Mitch McConnell?". Plus the return of our favorite new segment NO! - were the MAGA hat wearing kids who bullied Native American war veteran Nathan Phillips victims of the violent leftist media? Easy answer - NO! Meanwhile in Trumpland, Trump's extremely cruel transgender military ban is taking effect and its' going to be long lasting and extremely cruel. We add West Virginia senator Joe Manchin to the growing list of People Who Somehow Got Elected. In our weekly investigative piece, Top 10 Investigates, after the LA Rams controversy, we're going to take a look at officiating in professional sports. In our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in "Holy Shit", our resident pastor is very troubled by the current state of the Doomsday Clock and how it's not changing at all. We have a new segment "What's Up With France?" because things there are very troubling and we will get to the bottom of it. After yet another controversy, we ask: "The Laura Ingraham Show: How Is This Still A Thing?". We also have a new edition of "People Are Dumb" which includes a Kentucky woman's horrible way to teach her son a lesson, a guy going on a rampage over his action figures, a late night Waffle House incident, a guy getting a sexual favor while driving, and a serial stabber changing his name to something completely ridiculous. And the next edition of Deep State Diaries is going to take a look at the Bureau Of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms!
Live Musical Guest: Greta Van Fleet

Edition #6-5: Curb Your Kasich Edition (2/6/19)

Live from Podfest LA! Trump shows off his sensitive side by mercilessly mocking climate change and the extreme weather conditions affecting Minnesota, Michigan, and Wisconsin. In Wisconsin, Chinese manufacturing behemoth Foxconn announces they are opening their new plant... sort of. Are American workers involved? Maybe. Meanwhile, new light has been shed on the character of former Ohio governor and presidential candidate John Kasich after he got bumped from a flight and he seems to be doing his best Larry David imitation about flying among the commoners in coach class. The horror!!! We play a game of "Is It Racist?" starring Virginia's new governor and guy digging his own political grave, Ralph Northram. In our weekly investigative piece, Top 10 Investigates, we're going to take a look at the latest way your phone is attempting to spy on you, this time through Apple's Facetime app. And in our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in "Holy Shit", our resident pastor is dumbfounded that his fellow zealots are attempting to paint supporters of the Dark One as the spawn of Satan. Well, we are, but that's beside the point! "Beating A Dead Horse" explains why your boycott against Starbucks won't work after Howard Schultz announces that he's running as an independent. That's always a guaranteed path to the presidency! After another Trump twitter typo, we ask how Trump's Twitter Typos are still a thing. We have a new installment of "I Need A Drink" and we're going to get drunk and find out the answer to why ladies think serial killers like Ted Bundy are hot thanks to a pair of Netflix produced movies. And the next installment of our ongoing series that explains how government works to conspiracy theorists, Deep State Diaries, is going to hang out with the Drug Enforcement Agency!
Live Musical Guest: Weezer

Edition #6-6: A Tale Of Two Crowd Sizes - Valentine's Day Special! (2/13/19)

Live from Oxnard! AMI, the parent company of sleazy supermarket tabloid the National Enquirer, is involved in a bizarre blackmail scheme involving Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos. And to make things worse, Trump may or may not be involved himself. We recap Trump's 2nd State Of The Union which was summed up perfectly by one of his guests of honor. Trump went to El Paso to fuel right wing hysteria over the border while Beto O'Rourke's rally drew over twice as many people. We delve into more of the latest involving the scandal with Virginia governor Ralph Northam, and people, it's not good. Although it's revealing more about Virginia than it is about Gov. Northam! In our weekly investigative piece, Top 10 Investigates, we take a look at the controversial DNA testing company 23 & Me and what you can do if your genetic testing results weren't what you expected. And in our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in "Holy Shit", our resident pastor is going to do a deep dive on why the Dark One's proposals for more Bible based classes could potentially backfire on him. In our latest edition of "NO!", we scold Delta Airlines and Coke for an exceptionally creepy promotion involving airplane napkins. We also have a new segment of We play a game of "Is It Racist?" and after a professor's claims that Mary Poppins is racist, is it really? We also have a new installment of People Are Dumb, because of course people are dumb. And the latest edition of our ongoing series Deep State Diaries is going to take a look at the department of Housing and Urban Development, or the HUD!
Live Musical Guest: Muse

Edition #6-7: In Soviet America, Wall Does You! Edition (2/20/19)

Live from the Inland Empire! Donald Trump is so determined to get his precious wall that he literally declares himself above the law and declares a national emergency to bypass Congress, which he follows up with a trip to Mar-A-Shithole. We delve into the controversial Green New Deal proposed by Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and why it's making conservative heads explode. Meanwhile, we were all horrified by the MAGA attack on Empire star Jussie Smollet, but it turns out he's got some 'splainin to do! So we are going to bring back the Top 10 Mystery Machine to get to the bottom of exactly what happened outside that Chicago Subway. We have a new installment of "We're All Gonna Die" and while California has been busy preparing for a colossal earthquake, we haven't exactly been preparing for a colossal storm that could possibly kill us all. In our weekly investigative piece, Top 10 Investigates, we're going to find out why California's plan to bring high speed rail between San Francisco to Los Angeles was quite the literal train wreck. And in our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in "Holy Shit", our resident pastor is becoming increasingly alarmed at his fellow zealots over the fact that they actually want 4 more years of this hell. And in the latest "Beating A Dead Horse" - conservatives, you're lame! Be lame! Don't attempt to be cool or drag politics into your lameness, own it! We profile Christian conspiracy theorist Jesse Lee Peterson in a new installment of "This Fucking Guy". We also have a new People Are Dumb which includes a guy getting hog tied and taken for $10K, two brothers fighting while visiting Nana in the hospital, a Virginia man watching porn on his garage door, and a Hong Kong factory mistaking a grenade for a potato. And the next to last installment of Deep State Diaries is going to talk about some actual disasters (presidential disasters not withstanding) as we hang out with FEMA!
Live Musical Guest: Hozier
Posted by Top 10 Idiots | Fri Jan 4, 2019, 11:43 AM (0 replies)

Top 10 Conservative Idiots Best Of #7: New Year's Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots Best Of #7: New Year’s Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! Oh, hello! Yeah we’re just tidying up the set here for our big return on January 9th. Can’t believe that the new year is already here huh? And man glad to say goodbye to 2018 and ring in the new year with us! So this year we’ve got some big things planned for the Top 10 including our big Texas Road Trip! Plus season 7 is going to take us through some of this country’s biggest learning institutions. That’s right – we are going to college! So while we haven’t announced tour dates yet – that will be revealed in a future Best Of, do we go to Syracuse or Notre Dame or Ohio State or San Diego State or UCLA and everywhere in between! So the tour dates will be announced in the next Best Of edition, but before that we’ve got the details of what we’ve got planned for the start of Season 7 and that is that we’re going on a road trip through Texas! Yes, our quest to find out if liberals exist in the Lone Star State is going to be epic! So here is the itinerary for that:

6/12/19 – El Paso, Texas – the Comic Strip
6/19/19 – San Antonio, Texas – LOL Comedy Club
6/26/19 – Austin, Texas – Cap City Comedy Club
7/10/19 – Houston, Texas – Houston Improv
7/17/19 – Fort Worth, Texas – Dallas Improv

So there you have it, that’s what we’ve got planned in store. But now we’re getting ready for heading out on the road to new places across this great country of ours. OK that’s enough of the intro, we have a lot of idiocy to get to. But first we have to play the intro from Saturday Night Live where John Goodman played Rex Tillerson and had one of my favorite SNL lines of the year:


Where do we begin with the Best Of? Well to start with from Idiots #5-20 another tribute eliminated from Trump’s cabinet means another installment of the Trumper Games (1)! This time it’s Tribute Sessions who got eliminated by the President himself! In the second slot from Idiots #5-9, we lost a living legend when music superstar Aretha Franklin passed away, and conservatives (2) attempted to pay their respects to her, but failed big time! In the third slot, from Idiots #5-16, while Alex Jones (3) has lost literally everything thanks to his harassment of the Parkland students, there’s someone keeping Infowars afloat, but who? In the fourth slot, from Idiots #5-10, after *ANOTHER* major mass shooting – this time at a video game tournament in Florida, the NRA (4) has come up with some just ridiculously asinine solutions to stop mass shootings which include blaming everything but the guns. At number 5, from Idiots #5-8, our weekly investigative piece Top 10 Investigates (5) is going to take a look at a really disturbing trend in the funeral industry called “extreme embalming” and yeah, it’s way creepier than it sounds! For the sixth slot is of course our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in “Holy Shit” (6) and this week our resident pastor is going to do a deep dive in to Portland’s alt right Christian fight club hate group known as “Patriot Prayer”. For the 7th slot, we have a first ever Idiots lost entry! It was supposed to be in our season finale but got cut for “Explaining Jokes To Idiots”, so we’re presenting it to you here! Beating a Dead Horse (7) asks the question “Is it OK to have sex with robots?” (spoiler alert: no!). In the 8th slot, from Idiots #5-13, with Youtube cracking down on hate content, we’re going to ask Red Ice: How Is This Still A Thing?. In the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot, from Idiots #5-18 is one of our favorite segments – People Are Dumb (9) which includes among other things, a Florida man attempting to kill spiders with a blowtorch and burning his house down! And finally for the last spot, from Idiots #5-12, our series that explains how government works to your Trump loving conspiracy theorist friends and relatives, Deep State Diaries, is going to hang out with the US Navy! Plus we’ve also got that time when Gorillaz stopped by the show! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]Jeff Sessions
[br] [/font]

From: Idiots #5-20

Happy Trumper Games! Hey everyone! I’m baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ooh, it has been way too long, my pretties! Of course every day in this administration seems like it’s an eternity doesn’t it? Oh, strap in because if you thought the first two years were completely insane, wait until you see the next two! For the president has declared himself to be judge, jury and executioner. The last time we were here, Tribute Hayley from the 5th district has resigned. This week, the President simply removed Tribute Sessions from the 2nd district. You know, don’t ask me how the districts work because even I don’t know. Well, anyway here is the latest!

Attorney General Jeff Sessions was pushed out Wednesday as the country’s chief law enforcement officer after enduring more than a year of blistering and personal attacks from President Donald Trump over his recusal from the Russia investigation.

Sessions told the president in a one-page letter that he was submitting his resignation “at your request.”

Trump announced in a tweet that he was naming Sessions’ chief of staff Matthew Whitaker, a former United States attorney from Iowa, as acting attorney general. Whitaker has criticized special counsel Robert Mueller’s investigation into potential coordination between the president’s Republican campaign and Russia.

The resignation was the culmination of a toxic relationship that frayed just weeks into the attorney general’s tumultuous tenure, when he stepped aside from the Mueller investigation.

Oh that’s fierce, honey! Work it! And damn it, Charlie! Why must you bring me the cheap champagne? I want the good stuff! What? Management says that we can’t afford the good stuff? Very well then! But this is a huge upset for the Trumper Games. Tribute Sessions was very heavily favored above the rest, but that doesn’t stop the president from pulling a dick move and forcing Tribute Sessions to resign, because in the Trumper Games, anything can happen at any minute!

President Trump could wait no longer.

On Wednesday — a day after the midterm elections, with several races still too close to call — the president forced the resignation of his attorney general, Jeff Sessions. The New York Times quickly published a 1,300-word story, the first version of which had been written in July … of 2017.

That was after President Trump lashed out at Mr. Sessions in an interview. And for the past 16 months, Peter Baker, the chief White House correspondent, has been updating the story, and waiting.

“Every time something happened in the news that made us wonder if Sessions was about to resign or be fired, we would update it and make sure it was ready to go,” Mr. Baker said.

It was a type of article known in the newsroom as an H.F.O. — “Hold for Orders” — written and edited in anticipation of news that hasn’t happened yet. H.F.O.s are planned for scheduled events, like elections and inaugurations, but also the less predictable, the seemingly possible, and the inevitable. Their execution is essential procedure in daily journalism.

Don’t forget the crazy straw, Charlie! Yes, the president may be an abusive jackass and the textbook definition of a “horrible boss” but that doesn’t stop him from simply thinking that he is above the law and can do whatever he pleases!

The fallout after the midterm elections has begun. After a tumultuous relationship with President Donald Trump, Attorney General Jeff Session has resigned at the president’s request.

“We are pleased to announce that Matthew Whitaker, Chief of Staff to Attorney General Jeff Sessions at the Department of Justice, will become our new Acting Attorney General of the United States. He will serve our Country well,” the president tweeted.

“We thank Attorney General Jeff Sessions for his service, and wish him well! A permanent replacement will be nominated at a later date.”

Yes that is true! And in case you were wondering if the firing of Tribute Sessions had any effects on any kind of market, well this one, I can assure you, is for real! Yes, Tribute Sessions had a real problem with legalized pot, and was planning to escalate the war against it. But consider this a bonus as Tribute Sessions is… eliminated!

Jeff Sessions resigned as Attorney General Wednesday, which is a nice way of saying President Trump fired him. On the day after the 2018 midterms, in which the Democrats took control of the House, and on the tail end of a White House press conference that devolved into an alarming display of executive power, Sessions got the boot, giving us one more thing to react to. And probably because Sessions was a tyrant when it came to marijuana, spewing racist assumptions about how "good people" don't smoke it and supporting punitive policies that targeted people of color, cannabis stocks reacted very positively to the news.

CNBC reports that cannabis companies Canopy Growth, Aurora Cannabis, and Cronos Group all jumped up between 8 and 9 percent to close the day high. Canadian company Tilray shot up 30 percent. Data reporter Christopher Ingraham showed how the marijuana market as a whole surged (Trump announced Sessions' resignation at 2:44 p.m.):

Cannabis stocks weren't hurt by the midterm elections either, when Michigan voted to legalize recreational weed, and Utah and Missouri passed medical marijuana measures. Michigan itself adds millions of more potential weed buyers to the states, and for the first time makes a weed haven in the Midwest.

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[font size="8"]Conservatives Pay Tribute To Aretha Franklin
[br] [/font]

From: Idiots #5-9

This week we lost a living legend. An icon of American arts, music and entertainment, and champion of civil rights, freedom, and diversity. I’m of course talking about Aretha Franklin. So the question arises – how do you honor a goddess among mere mortals? Well, there were lots of amazing tributes to Ms. Franklin, but that’s not what we are here to talk about. Instead we’re going to talk about the less sensitive ones coming from conservatives who don’t know how to pay R-E-S-PECT (see what I did there?) to one of the all time greats. Like our president for instance.

Trump reacted to news of the singer’s death during a Cabinet meeting the same day, offering his condolences to her family.

“She worked for me on numerous occasions,” he said. He also celebrated the “extraordinary legacy” of the soul, pop and R&B virtuoso, calling her “terrific.”

Trump’s comments proved, as ever, controversial, and not simply because her appearances at his properties hardly amounted to a sustained employment relationship. More pointedly, even if she had worked for him, some asked, what was the relevance of that fact on the day of her death?

“I find it disturbing and sad, and a reflection of his endless narcissism,” said David Ritz, who spent years with Franklin seeking to understand the guarded performer for his 2014 biography, “Respect: The Life of Aretha Franklin.” He also worked with Franklin on her 1999 autobiography, “Aretha: From These Roots.”

Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! So that happened. But let’s expand on that – only in white conservative America could a white supremacist like Trump ever claim that one of the most prolific black female singers of our time – was one of his employees!

Donald Trump isn’t particularly nice to anyone. His standard demeanor and language in disagreement or debate resemble the union of a road-rage incident and a bad game of the dozens. Even in agreement, he’s not a person for whom respect—of others or of the office he holds—is necessarily a guiding light. He does not run out of venom for opponents, and rarely has a word of unqualified praise for people who haven’t praised him first.

But if one pattern in his remarks about other people has crystallized in the past few months, it’s that the president employs a particular species of dismissive language when he’s talking about black women. After spending a good chunk of his first year in office attacking black men, his sophomore year has involved high-profile verbal attacks against high-profile black women. And, as evidenced by his recent remarks on the death of the Queen of Soul, Aretha Franklin, his need to subordinate black women, even without enmity, is a primary drive.

“I want to begin today by expressing my condolences to the family of a person I knew well,” Trump said Thursday during a Cabinet meeting. “She worked for me on numerous occasions. She was terrific—Aretha Franklin—on her passing. She brought joy to millions of lives and her extraordinary legacy will thrive and inspire many generations to come.”

Nah, there’s no holding or waiting. Trump was a dick and he’s so senile that he actually thought that Aretha worked for him. And here’s where it gets horrible. Aretha *HATED* Trump with the fiery passion of 1,000 suns. So he definitely ain’t giving her any R-E-S-PECT. R-E-S-PECT this, Trump!

Aretha Franklin made her feelings on President Donald Trump crystal clear behind closed doors.

The Respect singer, who died on Thursday after a battle with pancreatic cancer, was reportedly invited to perform at Trump’s inauguration ceremony in January 2016 but declined the offer as she didn’t agree with his political agenda.

According to the Daily Beast, Aretha told friends privately that ‘no amount of money’ could have persuaded her to perform at the inauguration.

Another source told the website that Aretha ‘despised’ everything Trump stood for and placed her support in his Democratic rival, Hillary Clinton, during the presidential race.

Weeks before Trump was sworn into the White House, The Hill asked Aretha if she would provide the soundtrack, to which she replied: ‘That’s a good question. That’s a very good question. We’ll see.’

Oh and here’s where it gets weird, because, why wouldn’t it? Apparently Trump was begging Aretha to perform at his inauguration, and well, she turned it down. Shit, Trump couldn’t even get an Aretha impersonator!

As we all have learned, Aretha Franklin wasn’t just the Queen of Soul, she also fought for justice. Ms. Franklin was close to Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and sang at his funeral. She offered to post bail for Angela Davis in 1979, saying, “I’m going to see her free if there is any justice in our courts, not because I believe in communism, but because she’s a Black woman and she wants freedom for Black people.” Franklin also sang at three inaugurations: Jimmy Carter, Bill Clinton and Barack Obama. However, there is reportedly one inauguration she refused to lend her voice — Trump’s. And a new report claims he was begging the Queen of Soul.

Franklin “hated” the rise of Trump. Tom Barrack, the chairman of the Presidential Inaugural Committee, was attempting to book Aretha, The Daily Beast reports, writing, ” Trump had long considered the legendary singer a friend, and wanted the offer framed as an opportunity to help bring the country back together after a brutal, bruising presidential election.”

A “source” told The Daily Beast that Franklin said “no amount of money” would persuade her to perform for him at the inauguration. Also, “Another knowledgeable source described her as ‘despising’ everything he stood for, as an avowed Hillary Clinton supporter.”

The Daily Beast said Barrack’s spokesman declined to comment on the story.

Of course this should be no shocker. Unlike Omarosa, Ms. Franklin was able to clearly see who Trump was.

And just when you think it couldn’t get any more insensitive, along comes Fox News and they had an even worse tribute for Aretha than Trump did! Yeah can we show that?

Praise poured in for Aretha Franklin Thursday following the news of her death from pancreatic cancer at the age of 76. Fans and fellow artists tweeted about her lasting influence, news channels ran touching retrospectives and a makeshift memorial sprung up at her Hollywood Walk of Fame star.

Somehow Fox News got it wrong.

During a video tribute to the Queen of Soul, Fox featured a graphic with two images of singers. The primary picture on the left was definitely one of a smiling Franklin. The secondary picture on the right, with the words “Aretha Franklin Singer 1942-2018” below it, was definitely Patti LaBelle.

Can we show that?


Wanna get away? You know what? Let’s play some Aretha.

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[font size="8"]Alex Jones
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From: Idiots #5-16

Remember that episode of Seinfeld where George’s boss discovers that he faked being handicapped and attempted to fire George, and George refused to leave, so the boss did everything he could to force George out? Well it’s kind of like that for Infowars, and we may need to get the Sad Hulk Music going for this one. But apparently there’s one outlet that’s still mysteriously keeping Infowars alive and it’s getting really strange. For those of you keeping score at home here’s who has banned Infowars so far. Paypal.

Alex Jones, founder and lead host of Infowars, has been booted off nearly every social media platform, lost access to advertising and web-hosting services, and is now denied service by the payment processor PayPal—but he is still able to generate revenue from his operation using a Visa-owned payment solution called Authorize.Net.

Because of his hateful rhetoric and bad-faith proliferation of conspiracy theories, Jones has been banned from using Facebook, YouTube, Twitter, Apple, Spotify, Stitcher, MailChimp, PayPal, and many online advertising services.

Authorize.Net services, according to its website, “more than 430,000 merchants, handling more than 1 billion transactions and $149 billion in payments every year.” Authorize.Net’s parent company is CyberSource, which Visa acquired in 2010. One of the merchants the service works with is the Infowars web store, where Jones sells nutritional supplements and prepper supplies at inflated prices. The code running the Infowars checkout page, specifically the credit card verification system, routes to Authorize.Net.

In the terms of use presented on Authorize.Net’s website, the payment processor does not require users agree to any policies forbidding them from using the service to facilitate hate and harassment online. Color of Change, a nonprofit civil rights advocacy group, lists Visa as an “engaged” company, meaning that Visa has “no acceptable use policy but has actively removed groups under pressure,” including white supremacist groups. In the terms listed, the company says it does not assume responsibility for what its clients do and sell and that it does not guarantee “you will be satisfied with their products, services or practices.”

I can imagine that will eventually happen to Infowars. I mean could you imagine that Alex is climbing through the vents at Infowars HQ screaming about the “Deep State”? I’m just laughing just thinking about this scenario – and he’s already red enough! So guess what? Alex is fighting back! He’s suing Paypal because, reasons.

Far right conspiracy theorist Alex Jones is suing PayPal over claims that his InfoWars website was blocked due to political bias.

PayPal is one of several technology companies that have banned the controversial site from their platform, with Twitter, Facebook and Spotify all saying that Mr Jones' promotion of hate and violence is in violation of their policies.

InfoWars has previously reported that the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting in 2012 – in which 20 students and six staff members were killed – was a hoax.

In a 15-page complaint, Mr Jones' company Free Speech Systems claims that the bans are purely political.

"It is at this point well known that large tech companies, located primarily in Silicon Valley, are discriminating against politically conservative entities and individuals, including banning them from social media platforms such as Twitter, based solely on their political and ideological viewpoints," the complaint states.

Oh Alex, how many times do we need to tell you? You’re not getting banned because of your political bias, you’re getting banned because you’re a hateful dick! And companies these days don’t want to be associated with hate speech. And I thought you guys hated trial lawyers! Or are you going to represent yourself? And you know what they say about that right?

The publisher of the controversial Infowars website sued PayPal Inc. on Monday claiming that the payment site “discriminated against Plaintiff based on its political viewpoints and politically conservative affiliation, thus violating the California Unruh Civil Rights Act.”

On Sept. 21, PayPal informed Free Speech Systems, LLC, the owner of the websites at infowars.com and prisonplanet.com, that it would cease processing payments for the sites. “PayPal is engaged in unfair business practices by enforcing its contractual terms in an unconscionable manner, namely arbitrarily banning plaintiff from its platform for off-platform speech despite never claiming it might ban users for off-platform activity,” wrote the sites’ lawyer, Marc J. Randazza, of the Randazza Legal Group in Las Vegas.

A Paypal spokesman told Courthouse News Service on Monday that company was “aware of the filing and believes the claims in the complaint are without merit.”

No, they do have merit. See, we point out time and time again that companies have this thing called a “terms of service agreement” that you probably didn’t read when you signed up, so of course you’re going to scream “wolf”. By the way one of Trump’s favorite punching bags – CNN’s Jim Acosta, nailed it when he described Infowars:

The Washington Post’s Paul Farhi followed CNN chief White House correspondent Jim Acosta as he covered yet another Trump rally. Yes, Acosta continues to receive taunts and insults, but according to Farhi, tons of rallygoers also also ask him for selfies, while the countless other journalists continued to go about their business unrecognized and unbothered.

The reception Acosta gets abroad is far different, where people are much more polite towards the press, Farhi writes, than “the different country” Acosta says he sees when in Erie or in Tampa, Fla.

Acosta tells Farhi that Trump isn’t always the source of the anger. It’s increasingly conservative media outlets, like Fox News.

“A lot of people view this through the prism of conservative media,” Acosta tells Farhi. “If you stay on Fox, Infowars, Breitbart or Daily Caller, you’ll see something [inflammatory] about us. That’s what supercharges everyone.”

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[font size="8"] The NRA & Betsy DeVos
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From: Idiots #5-10

When mass shootings are at an all time high, what’s a country already addicted to the raw power of the firearm going to do when people are getting killed at an alarming rate? Well, you can do one of two things. The first you can do is to throw more guns at it. The second is to blame everything but the gun the next time some nut with a gun goes off and starts murdering a whole bunch of people. Well, Betsy DeVos decided to do the former, while the NRA decided to do the latter. Let’s explain more:

Education Secretary Betsy DeVos is considering whether states can use federal grant money to buy guns for schools, including possibly arming teachers, after receiving queries from Texas and Oklahoma, people familiar with the matter said.

The idea drew swift criticism from Democrats, teacher unions, education groups and gun control activists, who said the response to school shootings should be fewer guns, not more. But President Donald Trump and others have argued that arming teachers would "harden" schools and make them less likely targets for mass shootings.

Texas and Oklahoma were seeking clarity on spending funds from Student Support and Academic Enrichment grants, which can be used for a wide range of school expenses.

Some opponents said firearms were never considered when the grants were created in 2015. But the $1.1 billion program has few restrictions on it, and some argued DeVos may have little choice but to give states the flexibility that Congress wrote into the law.

Now don’t boo just yet. Consider this was said the week that yet *ANOTHER* mass shooting happened, and it’s quite insane. We go to Jacksonville in of course Florida. Mass shootings are so common place anymore that it’s unbelievable that this isn’t #1 this week but in an era of sheer stupidity this isn’t all that surprising.

The young men had gathered at Chicago Pizza in Jacksonville, Fla., to conduct some serious business: crushing one another at “Madden NFL 19” as their fans watched online.

The finalists in Sunday’s regional video game tournament would proceed to the Madden Classic in Las Vegas, where the top prize is $25,000. David Katz, a slender 24-year-old who nicknamed himself “Bread,” had traveled from Baltimore to compete — only to be eliminated, witnesses said.

But Katz wasn’t done. As his competitors continued to game Sunday, Katz got a handgun and opened fire in the pizzeria. Horrified fans watched the violence unfold on a livestream online.

The shooter “targeted a few people” before killing himself, according to Stephen “Steveyj” Javaruski, one of the gamers, who took shelter in a bathroom.

At the end of it, Katz and two of his competitors were dead: Elijah Clayton and Taylor Robertson — better known to their rivals and fans in the gaming world by the handles they adopted for the screen.

Well see it’s our policy here not to joke about tragedy so we won’t try. But the Ravens losing is hardly the worst thing about this story. You really want to add more guns to the situation? Yeah let’s get crossfire involved – that will teach the shooter a lesson! Of course if you saw the latest round of excuses coming from the NRA…. Well…

"A horrible tragedy. End gun free zones or have the security in place to keep people safe in them," Loesch tweeted as reports emerged about a shooting at Jacksonville Landing.

A gunman killed two people and injured nine others when he opened fire during a Madden NFL 19 tournament at the GLHF Game Bar. The suspect, identified as 24-year-old David Katz of Baltimore, Md., died of a self-inflicted gunshot wound, authorities said.

The Jacksonville Landing rules of conduct bar visitors from bringing a weapon onto the property, even if it is legally owned and carried. Only law enforcement officers are exempted.

The NRA has called for an end to "gun free zones," particularly following a number of recent shootings. The organization renewed its calls for the change following a shooting at a Parkland, Fla., high school in February, reasoning that schools should be "hardened" to protect against potential threats.

Opponents of the policy have called for stricter gun laws, with some Democrats supporting a ban on high-capacity weapons, and raising the minimum age requirement to purchase a firearm.

OK now you can boo!!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! So…. So…. So…. So let me see if I can extrapolate Ms. Loesch's logic here. The way to end shootings is to get rid of zones where guns are forbidden. What could possibly go wrong with that? Not like that, sir! Ah, yes, that’s the challenges of doing a live show! Oh and here’s my favorite excuse – the reason mass shootings happen is because of headphones! Hey wait, you know, I have an ear piece in my ear right now, yeah it’s so my director can tell me what to do. Yes, we do have a director for this show!

Grant Stinchfield, a host for the National Rifle Association’s NRATV outlet, reacted to the mass shooting at a video game tournament in Jacksonville, FL, by criticizing a survivor who shared video of the incident for supposedly not hearing the shooting over his headphones.

The August 26 shooting, which took place at a Madden 19 tournament, left two people dead and nine others wounded.

The NRA, and NRATV, frequently focus on what victims of high-profile mass casualty could have supposedly done to avoid being shot rather than focusing on how the perpetrator was able to access weapons to carry out the attack.

During the August 27 broadcast of NRATV’s current events show Stinchfield, Stinchfield played a video (warning: disturbing) from tournament participant @LaYzR96 that he said showed the survivor not reacting to the shooting because he was wearing headphones. Stinchfield said, “There’s no running for cover, there’s not even any looking around. They’re still focused on the screen in front of them as someone is firing a handgun through the crowd.”

Stinchfield apparently is mistaken about what the video shows. No one is seen wearing headphones and the only headphones seen in the shot are draped over a computer monitor, not on someone’s head. The person filming seems aware of the shooting as it happens since the camera moves around without focusing on the screen. He also later tweeted about being “in shock that I actually was witnessing this when it was live.”

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[font size="8"]Top 10 Investigates: Extreme Embalming
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From: Idiots #5-8

Let’s spin the wheel shall we? Come on no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy… stop! No, a whammy!!!

Spin it again! Oh hey New York City, it’s time to investigate beyond the headlines! This is Top 10 Investigates!

The questions about what happens when one dies are some extremely tough decisions to be made, such as “how will I be remembered?”. “What’s going to happen to my loved ones?”. “What will happen to my estate?”. Yes, you probably have those questions in your head and so much more. But really, the questions about how you will be remembered after you pass on is the one we are looking at for this discussion today. And you most likely don’t want to be remembered in this way. A disturbing new trend has emerged among the funeral industry called “extreme embalming”. Here’s more.

Two weeks after Renard Matthews was tragically shot and killed in his New Orleans neighborhood, the 18-year-old looked exactly how he had in life. At his wake, he lay slumped in an office chair in front of a TV "playing" NBA2K with his hands wrapped around a PS4 controller. Clad in sunglasses, socks and flip-flops, and a Celtics jersey, he even had his favorite snacks—Doritos and root beer—within reach. And that’s just how his family wanted it.

Matthews’s wake was the latest in a string of what funeral directors call "nontraditional" memorial services. Instead of displaying their loved ones in a casket, some families choose to pose the bodies in life-like scenarios to see them as they were in life before they’re laid to rest. The practice first appeared in Puerto Rico in 2008 as a more celebratory send-off to the deceased, with the Marín Funeral Home posing bodies propped up on motorcycles or standing in a makeshift boxing ring.

In 2012, "extreme embalming" funerals hit New Orleans, when the family of Lionel Batiste—the drummer in the famed Treme Brass Band—asked the Charbonnet-Labat-Glapion Funeral Home to lean him next to his bass drum, his hand resting on the cane he always carried. When Mickey Easterling, a New Orleans socialite known for her extravagant parties, died two years later, her family tapped Jacob Schoen & Son to throw her a final blowout, posing her in her signature feather boa with a cigarette in one hand and a champagne flute in the other. And then there was Miriam Burbank, a Saints fan whose daughters had Charbonnet deck her out like they’d always seen her: sitting at a table in black and gold, with a menthol cigarette between her fingers and a can of Busch beer at her side.

In fact the concept of non traditional funerals isn’t anything new. It’s gaining in popularity from where it was 5 years ago. In fact there’s a company that actually launches remains into space.

When US Army Infantry Soldier Steven Jenks was deployed in Iraq, he used to get letters from his mother signed like this: "No matter how lonely you feel and how far you are, always look at the moon and know I am with you. I love you to the moon and back."

So when his mother died of lung cancer, Jenks thought it befitting to send her remains to the moon. "I will know that she is looking down on my family and maybe they won't feel so alone," he said in a statement.

Jenks is the first client of Elysium Space, a company that offers "celestial services to honor and celebrate the life of someone you love." (In other words, they launch small amounts of cremated remains into space.) In a press release, Elysium said: "The time to change the vision of death from the underground to the celestial is now."

But even that isn’t anything new. However the concept has taken some interesting new turns and has generated controversy. Mainly – how do you prop up a corpse?

MIRIAM Birkbank is sat at a dining room table with a can of her favourite beer and a pack of cigs... but the 53-year-old isn't enjoying a relaxing evening at home after a long day's work.

In fact, she's dead - and her rigid body has been dressed up, contorted into position and put on display at the request of her family.

This is extreme embalming - where bodies are preserved by injecting them with a chemical fluid which makes them totally rigid - before being displayed in bizarre real life positions.

Corpses are forced into position by having their feet nailed to the floor, poles erected behind their necks - and even their limbs prized apart.

The demand for it is growing, with more and more people paying around Ł2,000 to have their loved one brought back to life for 2-3 days before the funeral takes place.

Yes, there’s actually a growing demand for non traditional and unusual funeral services. Of course people want to be remembered as they lived, not as they died. But is this acceptable in current society? Some might say yes and others say no. It’s a hotly debated topic but ultimately we’ll leave it to the deceased.

Charbonnet Labat Glapion Funeral Home, where Matthews' wake took place, is accustomed to handling "extreme embalming" requests. They have go-to specialists that prepare the bodies according to the families' specifications or the stated wishes of the deceased, and also offer traditional New Orleans jazz funerals.

"One time, we stood a deceased drummer from a grassroots band at a drum set," the funeral home told Yahoo Lifestyle.

At another Charbonnet Labat Glapion wake, Miriam "Mae Mae" Burbank, 53, was positioned at a table with a menthol cigarette, an ashtray, and a Busch beer, her fingernails painted in the colors of her beloved New Orleans Saints football team.

"A lot of people didn't accept what I was doing," Burbank's daughter Zymora Kimball told WGNO of her mother's 2014 bar-themed memorial. "I didn't let that stop me, and I know she's happy with how she's looking. That's her, that's Mae."

Other examples of "extreme embalming" have positioned the dead in superhero costumes, driving a car (with some mourners taking the time to sit beside the deceased), or simply sitting in a realistic fashion wearing their everyday clothes.

That’s it this week for Top 10 Investigates. Good day.

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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
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From: Idiots #5-17

Gather around, my fair brothers and sisters of Philadelphia, it’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate! For the Holy Church of the Top 10 has convened and it’s our weekly duty to remind you why the holiest among us are also the most full of:

My fair congregation!!! You know that Saturday Night’s All Right For Fighting! I heard someone say something like that once. No it wasn’t Sir Elton, although that would make sense. Thank you sir! And while there’s a non secular fight club on the east coast called the “Proud Boys”, this group has been trying to take over Portland like nobody’s business. And just like that secular group, this group called “Patriot Prayer” is certainly going to take over downtown Portland. Or are they?

About two dozen supporters of the far-right Patriot Prayer group gathered Monday on a closed Clark College campus to protest a Washington ballot initiative.

Leader Joey Gibson told the ralliers that Monday's rally was a warm-up for Wednesday when he said they will return to the campus to try to talk to students about the importance of gun ownership.

Clark College President Bob Knight in a letter last week shut down campus Monday after the rally was announced. He encouraged students, staff and faculty to avoid the campus for the day if possible.

Only three or so students showed up. They followed Gibson and his supporters on a 15-minute walk from campus to the Interstate 5 overpass, where they waved U.S. flags and signs that urged people to vote no on Initiative 1639, which would raise the minimum age of semi-automatic rifle purchasers to 21 from 18. It would also impose a 10-day waiting period for semi-automatic purchases and require buyers to take firearms training.

Annabelle Forteo said she attends Clark College two days a week and was annoyed that one of those days was interrupted by the closure.

You know even the good LAWRD JAYSUS thinks this is ridiculous! I mean really I have read and memorized the Good Book from cover to cover and I don’t remember anywhere where it said that JAYSUS shot first and asked questions later! Thank you! I mean did he pray six times or only five? I don’t remember that passage! Yes, that was from the book of Harry, sir! But once again there were more counter protesters than actual protesters. But of course if you’re going to show up to a Patriot Prayer rally, you’re going to get into a fight! Because that’s how they roll.

A demonstration billed as a march for "law and order" in the streets of Portland descended into chaos as rival political factions broke into bloody brawls downtown Saturday night.

Members of the right-wing group Patriot Prayer and their black-clad adversaries, known as antifa, used bear spray, bare fists and batons to thrash each other outside Kelly's Olympian, a popular bar on Southwest Washington Street.

The melee, which lasted more than a minute, ended when riot cops rushed in and fired pepper balls at the street fighters.

The Portland Police Bureau reported seeing protest and counter-protest participants outfitted with hard knuckle gloves, knives and firearms earlier in the evening. Police said they made no arrests Saturday night, but will continue to investigate.

The wild scene unfolded amid mounting tensions among both groups, fueled in part by a pair of national news stories.

Sounds about right. Oh and nobody hates more than Patriot Prayer, they’re the original player haters, and like all horrible things, the group started shortly after the Dark One – whose name shall not be mentioned in my church - assumed power. But unlike that other group, the Patriot Prayer warriors are armed and dangerous, and they’re not afraid to use them!

Portland Mayor Ted Wheeler intended to look decisive Monday afternoon by announcing an emergency ordinance that would give police broad authority to control warring protest groups.

But as he justified his action, the mayor opened a can of worms. He described an alarming discovery—a nest of guns on a downtown roof—that raised more questions than it answered.

In the early morning of Aug. 4, hours before a massive waterfront protest, Portland police officers discovered a group of Patriot Prayer supporters on the roof of a parking garage in downtown. According to a description provided in the mayor's proposed ordinance, the men had a "cache of firearms," which a mayoral staffer would later describe as "long guns."

"Prior to the start of the scheduled demonstrations, police discovered individuals who had positioned themselves on a rooftop parking structure in downtown Portland with a cache of firearms," the ordinance says.

Yes, even SAYTAN himself condemns this group of prayer warriors to the fiery pits of the darkest regions of HELL! Because that’s where these sinners are going! But guess what? Just like Deadpool they’re taking their fight international! Coming soon to a city near you – this shit!

Fresh off another violent street brawl in Portland, Patriot Prayer is planning a pair of college campus visits to talk about guns -- but now is turning its attention to its home turf of Clark County.

Members of the right-wing group plan to be at Clark College on Oct. 22 and Washington State University Vancouver the next day to protest a state ballot initiative that would raise the minimum age of semi-automatic rifle purchasers to 21 from 18.

Joey Gibson, a Vancouver resident and Patriot Prayer's leader, said about three dozen supporters will hand out fliers encouraging students to oppose Initiative 1639, which would also impose a 10-day waiting period for semi-automatic purchases and require buyers to take firearms training.

Several campus groups at WSU Vancouver this week published an open letter to urge students and faculty not to attend class during Patriot Prayer's visit, citing the group's propensity for physical confrontations and its history of drawing white nationalists and other controversial participants to its events, The Columbian reported.

Clark College spokeswoman Hannah Erickson told the paper the school also had concerns about the group coming to its campus, which Gibson dismissed.

"They're not going to stop us talking to students. It's not going to happen," he told The Columbian, adding that Initiative 1639 was "fascist."

Well, Joey, you can talk all you want! Doesn’t mean that anyone is going to listen, and you’re probably going to get into a fight or two! By the way, how great is our gospel choir? Give it up for them! Can I get an amen??? But really the take away here is that these guys are dangerous and insane and you can’t get away from them!

The Oregonian/OregonLive has been able to identify the woman, but not the man. He's wearing a black hoodie emblazoned with the logo for AK Press, a book publisher that specializes in anarchist and radical literature.

The woman didn't respond to multiple phone calls and Facebook messages Thursday seeking comment. New York police and others associated with 9/11 can't confirm she was married to a 9/11 victim.

The episode occurred at the end of a Patriot Prayer march for "law and order" in downtown Portland that spiraled into a violent brawl between the right-wing group and its antifascist, or antifa, adversaries.

Later that evening, a man erupted at a woman standing near the corner of Southwest Morrison Street and Broadway.

"Why are you trying to block me?" says the man, adding an expletive.

There you have it folks! The devil has spoken and it is through Patriot Prayer! Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]Beating A Dead Horse
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Ed. Note: This entry was originally cut from Idiots #5-24 but we are presenting it to you in its’ entirety. Enjoy!

Hey it’s time for:

Is it finally time to get serious about having sex with robots? That’s been a question for the ages as long as the concept of artificial intelligence has been around. We’ve seen this in quite a few movies recently like Her and Ex Machina. But is it time to get serious about the subject? Yes, the idea of a “robosexual” as the term was coined by Futurama is quite laughable. But with recent advancements in artificial intelligence, it seems like the inevitable of having sex with robots is becoming a real possibility!

Sex robots are not just coming, they are already here. In a world where we are more connected yet lonelier than ever before, what does this mean for sex, and what does it mean for relationships?

Artificial intelligence (AI) shouldn’t be seen as a substitute for human companionship, said Professor Kathleen Richardson, Professor of Ethics and Culture of Robots at De Montfort University in the UK, and founder of the Campaign against Sex Robots.

Professor Richardson spoke about the unforeseen consequences of sex robots at an event held at UNSW on Monday as part of the UNSW Grand Challenge on Living with 21st Century Technology.

Professor Richardson’s research shoots from a theory surrounding human attachment. Known as the ‘attachment crisis’, the theory suggests that, as society continues to fragment, we see an increase in loneliness as humans struggle to form and maintain intimate relationships with one another.

She rejects the notion that caregiver and therapeutic robots – in particular sex robots – can help humans cope with our inability to connect during this crisis of ‘human attachment’.

So let me ask you this professor, what happens when the sex robots become self aware? Also let me ask you this – would having sex with a robot while you’re married be considered cheating? Well, that brings up a very interesting point and also a very grey area – and yes – it is considered cheating!

Scientists found most people are open-minded about singletons making love to a sexbot.

A team at the University of Helsinki in Finland ran two surveys of 172 and 260 people, looking at whether bonking a robot for cash was morally acceptable.

Participants were asked their views on a scenario involving paying for sex with a doll or a human, according to the New Scientist.

Overall, married people who visited a brothel were most harshly condemned, women in particular.

But participants were less likely to frown upon single adults sleeping with sex workers or robots.

Robot relationship expert Thomas Arnold, from Tufts University in Massachusetts said: “Relationships seem to drive how people morally judge the use of sex robots.

“The more you start thinking about it as something that could compete against or interfere with your relationships, that seems to be what people morally object to.”

Seriously people, don’t date robots! It’s really that fucking simple! I mean we are going around in circles here, and when sex robot brothels are a thing you know that shit’s about to get real! And I mean we’re only a few years away from crazy ex girlfriend robots, yeah and guys, we really don’t want to go there, do we? But what about robot brothels?

Unicult's leader, Unicole Unicron, announced their goal of opening Eve's Robot Dreams with an Indiegogo campaign (that recently failed to meet more than one percent of its $155,000 goal). While the concept of a sex robot brothel isn't new—a recent attempt to open the first-ever bot brothel in Houston recently failed after the city council made it illegal to have sex with mechanical objects in local businesses—Eve's Robot Dreams is unique in its focus on consent.

In other words, in order for a client to have sex with one of the brothel's bots, the sex robots would have to agree to it first.

"The goal of Eve’s as an aspect of Unicult is to spread matriarchal change through AI and robots," Unicron told the Daily Beast. Unicron added that Eve's would be staffed entirely by Harmony, a model from Real Doll X that "warms up" to users through conversation. In order to have sex with Harmony, partners have to rack up "conversational points" with Harmony before she "consents" to sex.

Yeah sure leave it to a cult leader to convince the masses that sex with robots is a thing! But guess what – there’s conferences now on how to have sex with robots! Really, no, this is not an area we need to explore, people! But guess who one of their keynote speakers was? This might be one of my favorite stories of the year!

The organizer of an event bringing prominent nationalist Stephen Bannon to Missoula is seeking a faculty member from the University of Montana to debate the former presidential strategist.

In an email, organizer Adrian Cheok confirmed the ACE 2018 International Conference on Advances in Computer Entertainment Technology is “totally shut down,” aside from the appearance of Bannon.

Although the conference was scheduled to be held at UM, the university is not a sponsor.

“The [debate] topic is ‘the future of populism,’” Cheok said in an email. “We hope a UM professor will volunteer to join. … If you know of a professor at UM who would be good and willing to join the debate please tell me.”

Academic researchers cited concern about the quality of peer review for conference submissions and the affiliation with a separate forum called the International Congress on Love and Sex with Robots. In a boycott, a majority of presenters withdrew from the computer science event.


We can only imagine that’s exactly what the promoters of this event did after being found out that their event was cancelled after hiring Steve Bannon. nd by the way in case you were wondering, no, having sex with robots just is not good for you! It just isn’t!

As the sex robot industry continues to grow, so does the long lists of claims about why we should have sex robots.

We’re talking safer sex, helping with sexual dysfunction, treating paedophiles and sex offenders, alleviating loneliness, meeting people’s needs and desires, having therapeutic potential and changing societal norms. And recently a professor from the University of British Columbia claimed that sexbots could improve marriages as they would be more about love and less about sex.

According to Dr Bruce Y Lee, an associate professor of International Health at the John Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health this could pose a problem. “The concern is that sexbots may do the opposite by reducing real human contact, blurring reality (programming someone to do exactly what you want is not reality), encouraging unsafe practices that may then be used on humans, and creating unrealistic expectations of mates.”

“The overwhelmingly predominant market for sexbots will be unrelated to healthcare. Thus the ‘health’ arguments made for their benefits, as with so many advertised products, are rather specious,” wrote a pair of UK researchers Chantal Cox-George and Susan Bewley. They hunted down every study they could find on sexbots and their report was recently published in BMJ Sexual & Reproductive Health.

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[font size="8"]Red Ice TV: How Is This Still A Thing
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From: Idiots #5-13

Let’s give the wheel a good strong spin shall we? Come on no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy… stop!!! Donald Trump!

If only, stadium banner. If only! Spin it again. Oh hey it’s time once again for:

Red Ice TV – how is this still a thing? With social media sites taking a stand and cracking down on hate content, one channel has managed to not only slip through the cracks, it continues to thrive and monetize. That channel is Red Ice – a Youtube channel by and for white nationalists. So while prominent media outlets for white supremacists like Identity Europa got the axe, others like Red Ice, still continue to exist.

The far-right white identitarian group Identity Evropa announced yesterday that its YouTube account had been suspended for “multiple or severe violations” of the site’s community guidelines on hate speech.

Identity Evropa describes its organization as “a fraternal organization for people of European heritage located in the United States that participates in community building and civic engagement.” Identity Evropa is part of a rebranded European identitarian movement driven inspired by prior generations of white supremacy. The Southern Poverty Law Center identifies Identity Evropa to be a white nationalist hate group. The group’s founder, Nathan Damigo, helped plan the 2017 Unite the Right event that brought neo-Nazis into the streets of Charlottesville, Virginia, and resulted in violence and the killing of counter-demonstrator Heather Heyer. In the United States, Identity Evropa has made headlines for quietly organized banner-drops and its recruitment of young adults into its rebranded version of the Western white supremacist movement.

Yesterday, the Twitter account associated with Identity Evropa posted that its YouTube account had been terminated. The group claimed, “This censorship is purely political—they want to silence us, but we’re not going anywhere!” On the page where the group used to host videos, a message reads, “This account has been terminated due to multiple or severe violations of YouTube’s policy prohibiting hate speech.”

Identity Evropa executive director Patrick Casey, who has recently picked up a job at the white nationalist web-based outlet Red Ice, said he was notified of the ban while he appeared on a podcast called “Revenge of the Cis” that features anti-Semitic and racist jokes presented under the guise of comedy. (That podcast is still available on YouTube. We have reached out to Google for clarification via email.)

Yes and Red Ice is one such Youtube channel where they continue to say some of the most racist shit imaginable and yet nothing happens to them. In fact if you want a sampling of the people who run the channel and the kind of quality racist content you can get, here’s who runs Red Ice.

YouTube shook up the far-right internet last month when it banned InfoWars chief Alex Jones from its platform, cutting the internet’s leading conspiracy theorist off from millions of viewers.

But YouTube’s crackdown on hate speech has mostly spared another, even more extreme channel that promotes hate: Sweden-based Red Ice TV.

Since it started as a conspiracy theory outlet in 2003, Red Ice grown into one of the racist alt-right’s leading voices on the internet, amassing nearly 230,000 followers on the site. But the channel remain on YouTube, with few restrictions on how YouTube users can find their videos in search or via recommendation algorithms.

Led by husband-and-wife team Henrik Palmgren and Lana Lokteff, Red Ice has become a gateway to other racist media, including neo-Nazi website The Daily Stormer.

YouTube kicked Jones off its platform for violating the site’s rules against hate speech, among other things, but Red Ice regularly promotes hate against immigrants and Jews, riling up its listeners with claims that white people are under facing extinction at hands of minority groups.

Yes so that happened. But if you want to get a peek at the kind of content you’ll see regularly on Red Ice TV, look no further than hosts Lana Lokteff and Lauren Rose.

Lana Lokteff, a host at the white supremacist web-based outlet Red Ice, made a video praising Fox News host Tucker Carlson for questioning whether diversity is a strength on his show, expanding that praise to argue that white men are discriminated against.

Lokteff is an unabashed “ethno-nationalist,” meaning that she advocates for immigration policies that would enforce a white supermajority in America and has declared that American “can never, ever, ever, be too white.”

In a video uploaded to Red Ice’s YouTube channel, Lokteff decries “forced multiculturalism,” a label she applies to changing attitudes about race relations in America, and dismisses evidence that shows that hiring a diverse group of workers can make companies more profitable. Lokteff argues, as she has before, that Europe was already contained diversity among its white majority because a variety of languages and cultural traditions existed among its white supermajority.

And yes that is most certainly true, especially in this case. There was also that time when Red Ice simply stopped giving a shit and went full 1488. And you never, ever go full 1488. There is simply no coming back from that.

A trio of YouTube personalities beloved by the racist alt-right discarded any attempts to hide their white nationalism, uploading a discussion yesterday in which they explicitly embraced “ethno-nationalism” and fretted that white people, the “founding stock” of America, are becoming a minority in the country.

Faith Goldy, a former Rebel Media reporter who has grown ever closer to the alt-right, joined Red Ice host Lana Lokteff and 4chan YouTube muse Lauren Rose in a video uploaded yesterday to deliver full-throated endorsements of ethno-nationalism, a movement that seeks to promote white supremacy in Western nations.

Which is probably true. Even Iowa representative Steve King – who is known to be horrifically racist at times, is a fan of Red Ice.

For the second time in three months, Rep. Steve King (R-Iowa) has promoted the views of a prominent white nationalist on Twitter.

In a tweet posted early Wednesday afternoon, King quote-tweeted Lana Lokteff, a host for the white nationalist media outfit Red Ice, which the Southern Poverty Law Center has designated a hate group.

In his tweet, King argued incorrectly that Nazis were part of a left-wing movement.

The word “Nazi,” King wrote, “is injected into Leftist talking points because the worn out & exhausted ‘racist’ is over used & applied to everyone who lacks melanin & who fail to virtue signal at the requisite frequency & decibels. But...Nazis were socialists & Leftists are socialists.”

Yes, boo indeed. But when asked to tone down the content of their videos, Red Ice played very loosely with Youtube’s terms of service agreement. Which involved them skirting around the rules but still manages to put out hate content and monetize off of it.


Red Ice’s successful YouTube account is key to the outlet’s success, according to Hankes. When YouTube “limited” a few Red Ice videos, a punishment that makes it impossible to monetize the videos and harder to find through recommendation algorithms ,Red Ice panicked, said Hankes.

“When they first started getting videos put in the limited state by YouTube, they were apoplectic,” Hankes said.

YouTube has belatedly cracked down on at least one other Red Ice video this week, albeit only after being pressured via a viral Twitter thread.

Yes they simply don’t use Youtube to promote. They just use another social media platform to promote the hate they spew on another social media platform. That’s enough to make you ask – Red Ice TV:

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[font size="8"]People Are Dumb
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From: [link https://www.democraticunderground.com/100211347667 | Idiots #5-18]

Let’s spin that shit! Come on no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy… stop! Bankrupt? NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Spin it again. Hey it’s time for People Are Dumb! Hit it!

So of course you know by now people are people and people are dumb. And we can never go one week without seeing some ridiculously dumb people. Who is stupid this week you might ask? Well let’s start with this story from Fresno. Look…. Look…. If you see a spider, I know your first instinct may be to try to kill it, but really, yeah, don’t be like this guy. Can we all agree on that one?

A house caught on fire after a man tried to kill spiders and get rid of webs, according to a fire department.

Fresno firefighters said the man was house sitting for his parents and used a blowtorch against black widows, KFSN-TV reported.

Fire department spokesman Capt. Robert Castillo said the man used the open flame outdoors, starting at a brick veneer section of the approximately 4,000-square-foot home. He eventually noticed smoke coming from the attic.

Fire trucks inundated a street by the home Tuesday night. About 27 firefighters responded.

It caused an estimated $10,000 in damage.

Yeah so maybe spiders and blow torches don’t mix. Although it is Fresno, they elected and continue to support Devin Nunes. Next up – we’re going overseas to the country of Belgium. So here’s the thing about heists – if you’re in one, maybe don’t return to the scene of the crime? Because that’s exactly what these guys did.

A gang of robbers walk into a shop. The owner asks them to come back later when he has more money, and when they do...

It feels like the makings of a joke, but for a Belgian e-cigarette shop owner this was a frightening reality.

Six people entered Didier's shop in the suburbs of Charleroi in daylight with the intent to rob him.

The salesman told the group to return at the end of the day, when he could give them more money. In the end though, he got them arrested instead.


This might be the dumbest heist since they bought the wrong masks in Baby Driver! Next up we go to Cleveland, Ohio. I don’t know if anyone saw Always Sunny In Philadelphia last week but Charlie got himself caught in a bear trap while going Home Alone against two burglars. Yeah that scene is clearly not to be imitated!

A 68-year-old man accidentally shot himself with a gun rigged at his back door.

Edwin Smith was caught in his own trap at about 11:30 a.m. Monday, at 124 Blevins Drive off of Stony Point Road outside of Shelby.

According to investigators, Smith had a shotgun set up facing his back door. He went outside to feed some squirrels. At some point, he opened the door and the gun fired and hit his right arm. Cleveland County Sheriff’s deputies did not immediately know if the contraption malfunctioned or if he forgot the weapon was rigged to fire.

“I’ve never seen anything quite like this,” said Capt. Jon Wright with the Sheriff’s Office.

First responders cautiously went through the home to be sure nothing else was rigged with weapons. The man was taken to Atrium Health in Shelby.

Wright said Smith was severely wounded but alert when he was transported.

Next we go to of course America’s penis, the state of Florida for this one. And you know we’re going to Orlando next week! But this might be one of the most Florida Halloween stories ever. So if you are going to a costume party or other Halloween party, and if you see two people fighting on the street dressed in costume, you’re in Florida!

A 19-year-old Florida man was arrested for allegedly assaulting his girlfriend Saturday night. According to the cops, the man, Patrick Gallway, did it while wearing an inflatable dinosaur costume. The incident started when Patrick Gallway demanded that he and his girlfriend go to a Halloween party, and she told him she didn’t want to go, according to the Smoking Gun

The police report filed by the St. Lucie police department states that the girlfriend told Gallway that she thought she and Gallway should spend the evening with friends and watch movies versus going to the Halloween party. That’s when an argument was initiated between the pair, and Gallway proceeded to hurl his new cellphone on the couch, breaking parts of it. The girlfriend then walked out of the living room in an attempt to defuse the escalating argument.

That’s when the dinosaur-clad Gallway followed her and attacked her, according to the police report. The document states that Gallway shoved her to the ground and held her there by her neck. The report additionally states that he made punching motions and flailed his arms toward areas of her face while holding her down.

Excuse me a minute! Finally this week we’re also sticking with America’s penis – and also speaking of penises – the Buffalo Bills have a very odd tradition going on with the team everyone loves to hate – the New England Patriots, and well, we question his methods of getting a dildo into a stadium.

ORCHARD PARK, NY-- A Florida man is facing charges for allegedly throwing a sex toy onto the field during Monday's Bills' game at New Era Field.

Erie County Sheriff's deputies say Michael Abdallah, 34 of Oveido, Florida was identified by witnesses and in-stadium video surveillance footage.

Abdallah is charged with disorderly conduct – creating a hazardous/offensive condition. He was taken to the Erie County Holding Center pending his arraignment in Orchard Park Town Court.

That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]Deep State Diaries Episode 12: The US Navy
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It’s time for episode 12 of Deep State Diaries. Yes we’re touring the 24 branches and services that make up the United States government. Everything from the FBI to the IRS to the Pentagon to the CIA to the DPW to the DVA to parks and recreation and all branches and services in between. Of course if you’re here you probably already know more about our government and how it works than your average Fox News loving Trump supporter does. So that’s what this segment is going to address. We are going to do a deep dive into all that makes the United States the United States. Because we here at the Top 10 love to educate as well as entertain. Because we care.

[font size="6"]The US Navy[/font]

Ahoy mateys! Welcome aboard! We need some music for this one!

OK so you know that our show policy now is that we will never make fun of anyone on active duty or our armed forces. But we can make fun of the situation right? I mean after all, it’s our god given first amendment right damn it! So no journey through the Deep State would be complete without paying a visit to one of the most important buildings in the United States of America – the Pentagon! And of course the Pentagon famously has 5 branches which we will all be exploring. Soon to be a sixth if we create Space Force under the Trump administration. But if you need to know what those are – they’re the Army, the Navy, the Air Force, the US Marine Corp, and the Coast Guard. Of which we will be exploring those later. But here’s what you should know what the Navy has been up to lately.

The U.S. surface Navy is moving rapidly toward buying a new large surface ship that will replace the aging cruisers, a ship that Navy leaders and experts say will need to be spacious to accommodate future upgrades and weapon systems.

The office of the Chief of Naval Operations Director of Surface Warfare, or OPNAV N96, has convened a “large surface combatant requirements evaluation team” to figure out what the Navy’s next large ship will look like and what it will need to do. The goal, according to the N96 head Rear Adm. Ron Boxall, will be to buy the first cruiser replacement in 2023 or 2024.

The acquisition process should kick off formally next year once a capabilities development document is completed, but a few main factors are driving the size requirement, Boxall said.

The fleet is pushing towards designs that can easily be upgraded without a major overhaul. To do that, the Navy thinks its going to need a lot of extra power for more energy-intensive weapons in the future, such as electromagnetic rail guns and laser weapons.

Apparently no boat is big enough for the US Navy. They need bigger boats and bigger boats! I mean what good is the USS Enterprise when the enemy already has a bigger ship waiting for them in the wings here? Yes, I do realize I almost said “shit”, sir, thank you. But what else has the Navy been up to? We have above water but what about underwater?

General Dynamics’ (GD) wholly owned subsidiary Electric Boat has been awarded a $480.6m contract modification to continue development of the US Navy’s next-generation Columbia-class ballistic-missile submarine.

Under the contract modification, the company will be responsible for providing funding for advance procurement, advance construction and long lead time material for the first Columbia-class (SSBN 826) nuclear submarine.

The US Navy intends to develop and deploy a fleet of 12 new Columbia-class SSBNs, with the construction of the lead sea-based strategic deterrent slated to commence at the end of 2020.

Initially awarded in September last year, the complete contract for the production of 12 vessels has a total potential value of $6.1bn.

I really wonder if actual US Navy troops love or hate that song? Hey if you do be sure to leave it in the comments after the show. If you don’t, we’ll post the best hate mail in a future Top 10! So we’ve covered above water and underwater. But what happens when the US Navy rolls out their latest vessel? See how I used Navy speak there?

On the Camden waterfront, the World War II-era battleship USS New Jersey can be found moored as a floating museum. Her fighting days long over, the state’s namesake — which was launched in 1942 — serves as a reminder of an earlier age of naval warfare.

Far to the south in Virginia, meanwhile, another USS New Jersey is slowly taking shape in a sprawling shipyard in Newport News.

Smaller and far deadlier than its hulking predecessor, the nuclear attack submarine SSN-796 will be the next ship to carry the state’s name.

Now about 43 percent complete, the New Jersey will be delivered to the U.S. Navy in late 2021, said a spokesman for Huntington Ingalls-Newport News Shipbuilding.

While only a few photos of the work in progress have been cleared for release, they show workers in tight spaces assembling interior modules of the submarine.

Excuse me a minute… OK moving on. So what is the take away here? The United States loves its’ boats and sea vessels, and the bigger they are the better they are! And the more firepower they can unleash on their wartime opponents! But the challenges that the US Navy faces are some of the more harder ones of the US military to face especially given the challenges of the sea.

The next time we have a big war, I think the Navy will be our armed service that is caught the most flat-footed.

Why? Because it hasn’t had its nose bloodied since 1945. That’s a long time to go without facing a serious combat challenge.

Yes, it has had violent losses, such as aboard the USS Stark. But there is not a single person wearing a Navy uniform that has experienced a full-on attack by an enemy fleet.

What will catastrophe look like? Well, to get a notion, rub together these two sentences from the September issue of Proceedings:

“Two things are certain in the perennial carrier debate—the Navy will have carriers for decades to come, and as long as it does, the argument about their centrality to the fleet will continue.”

[font size="6"]Score Card [/font]

Overall importance: A
How Things Are Going: A+
Likely hood To Survive: A+

Overall: A+

[font size="6"]Next Week [/font]

We’re hanging out again in the Pentagon next week as we are going to explore the impact that Trump’s proposed Space Force has had on the US Air Force!

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8”]Gorillaz[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen, my next guest is one of my favorite bands of the last few years. Their latest album is called “The Now Now”. You can see them October 20th at the Demon Days Festival at the Pico Rivera Sports Arena in Pico Rivera, California. Playing their song “Hollywood”, give it up for Gorillaz!

We hope you enjoyed this best of! The Top 10 returns next week with a brand new edition live from Portland! See you next week!


Host: Initech
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of Live Audience At: Levity Live, Oxnard, CA
Special Thanks To: Levity Live Management
Holy Shit Gospel Choir: Heritage Church Band, Camarillo, CA
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Initech Productions: Yes, We Got The Memo

Posted by Top 10 Idiots | Wed Jan 2, 2019, 05:00 PM (1 replies)

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #5-24: 2018 Year In Review Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #5-24: 2018 Year In Review Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! I know, right? It’s the end of the year for the Top 10 and what a year it’s been! Now don’t be sad, we will be back in January with the start of, holy shit, I can’t believe it’s our 6th season and our 4th year in operation. Yes, next year the Top 10 will turn 4! But in Trump years it feels like we’re 237 doesn’t it? Well we’ve got some big plans for 2019 that I cannot wait to unveil including our big Texas road show for the start of season 7. Yes, we have not one, not two, not three, but a whopping 5 shows planned through the Lone Star State. We are going to go through the state of Texas to find out not only what the political landscape is like, but if liberals really do exist in the Lone Star State, and they must because a whole lot of them voted for Beto in the election! There’s also planned shows in Montana, Alaska and Vancouver! We’ve also got a whole slew of new content being planned and some of our old favorites will keep coming back like How Is This Still A Thing and People Who Somehow Got Elected, and This Fucking Guy. So of course just like last year, this year is our 2018 year in review and man there was a lot of crazy shit that happened this year. Even going into the new year things are still fucked up, which means we won’t get to cover things like Michael Cohen’s sentencing and Trump’s use of the phrase “smocking gun”, and more excuses for ultra paranoid conservatives to bash social media sites because they don’t get to float their tin foil hat conspiracy theories, or Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer throwing Trump in front of a brick wall. OK that’s enough of the intro, we have a lot of idiocy to get to. But first we have to play the awesome cold opener from Saturday Night Live that really pissed off a certain someone who we will be discussing later:

Here we go, folks! It’s our second annual YEAR IN REVIEW!!!! Oh that was some good reverb right there, guys! So in the first slot is the months of January and February (1) we had stable geniuses, shithole countries, secret societies called “Secret Society”, and Sean Hannity’s epic fail, among other atrocities being committed. The second slot this week is March and April (2) – where Trump went golfing after one of the worst mass shootings in a school since Columbine. And it was also when Rex Tillerson got fired. In the third slot this week is May and June (3). May – when Trump turned around the dialogue on gun rights, claiming that gun were not to blame for shootings, while he nearly brought the world to the brink of Armageddon opening the US embassy in Isreal, while conservative snowflakes faced the humiliation of eating in public while conservative. Next up in the fourth slot is July and August (4) - where we got introduced to space Nazis, Duncan Hunter got busted by the feds, and we had lots of stories of white people calling the cops on black people, because they’re black. Also, Trump is still a dick and that’s not surprising. In the fifth slot this week is September and October (5) – where we had the horrifying murder of Jamal Khashoggi, Alex Jones screamed at a pile of poop, and we got introduced to Brett Kavanaugh, and his insane schedules and Boofing, whatever that is. Finally for the sixth slot this week we have November and December (6) – where Trump got his *ASS* handed to him in the midterms, California is on fire, and Trump fired Jeff Sessions and replaced him with a real life Mr. Clean. Now that that’s out of the way, at number 7, we’re going to forgo our weekly investigative piece this week “Top 10 Investigates” (don’t worry, it will be back in January) and we were going to have a piece on sex robots, but that will be shelved and put on the next Idiots Best Of. But then Trump had to attack Saturday Night Live, so we’re bringing back “Explaining Jokes To Idiots!” (7). Then for the 8th slot, we haven’t forgot our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in “Holy Shit” (8), where our resident pastor is going to tell you some of his favorite stories of the ultra far right religious nutbags this year. And in the number 9 (NEIN!) slot we have People Are Dumb where we’re going to tell you all of our favorite stories of stupid people throughout 2018 – and there were plenty of them! And the final segment of Deep State Diaries is going to explore the organization that Trump trolls love to hate – the IRS! Yes, we came all this way just for an IRS joke! And we’re going to wrap it up with a guest I can’t wait for – the one, the only 30 Seconds To Mars! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]January – February
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So this is our second annual year in review and man it was a batshit crazy year, and of course like all horrible things Trump and Fox News had a hand in it. Where do we even begin to cover the beginning of the year at the end of the year? I know! Let’s start with that time when Trump called himself a “stable genius” and when he referred to countries as “shithole countries”. I mean hell we totally stopped our world tour in the middle of it and went with a “shithole” world tour!

UPDATED | Senator Lindsey Graham responded Monday to tweets from President Donald Trump touting himself as "a very stable genius" amid questions of his mental fitness while serving in the White House's top role.

"Trump called himself 'like really smart and a stable genius.' So, do you think he's like really smart and a stable genius?" The View host Bette Midler asked the South Carolina Republican to audience laughter.

"I think this: if he doesn't call himself a genius, nobody else will," Graham responded to applause.

I mean really is he Simple Jack from Tropic Thunder? Or maybe he’s Homer Simpson?

But then of course we’re only in the second week of January! I mean do I really have to remind people of when Trump referenced certain countries in Africa and called them “shitholes”? Yes, a PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES IS ON RECORD calling countries in Africa and South and Central America shit holes, just let that sink in for a moment.

WASHINGTON ― Most news networks reporting on President Donald Trump’s remarks about restricting immigrants from “shithole countries” notably didn’t shy away from using the vulgar word, and called the president’s insult what it was ― racist.

But over at Fox News, Trump’s network of choice, hosts and panelists were defending the president’s crude comments before shifting to other topics.

After The Washington Post on Thursday afternoon first reported Trump’s remarks at a White House meeting with lawmakers, “The Five” co-host Jesse Watters shrugged off the slur as the way ordinary Americans talk about “Haiti people.”

“If it’s true, this is how the forgotten men and women in America talk at the bar,” Watters said. “This is how Trump relates to people. If you’re at a bar, and you’re from Wisconsin, and you’re thinking, ‘They’re bringing in a bunch of Haiti people, or El Salvadorians, or people from Niger.’ This is how some people talk.”

Yes, the denial is strong with this one indeed! Oh and then there was one of my favorite things of the year – remember when the results of Trump’s physical were released and people were demanding to see his long form girth certificate? Yeah that happened. I mean Trump’s doctor might as well have gone to Hollywood Upstairs Medical College. Seriously, baby, I can prescribe anything I want!

A White House physician declared Tuesday that President Donald Trump is in “excellent” overall health and that he performed “well” on a cognitive screening exam, while noting the commander in chief could benefit from a low-fat diet and additional exercise.

“All clinical data indicates that the president is currently very healthy and that he will remain so for the duration of his presidency,” Dr. Ronny Jackson said at the daily White House news briefing during a nearly hourlong question-and-answer period with reporters.

Jackson added that during the physical on Friday at the Walter Reed National Military Medical Center, he performed some cognitive testing at the president's behest and that Trump “did well on it.” He noted the exam was limited to a screening for cognitive impairment and was not part of a larger psychological examination.

Trump, according to Jackson, is 6-foot-3, 239 pounds. The doctor said that he and Trump discussed losing weight and exercising, which he recommended, and that the president expressed “he would like to lose 10 to 15 pounds.”

And that’s true! Oh and anyone else remember when Vince McMahon announced that he was going to announce a Trump friendly version of the NFL called the XFL? I think people must have forgot about that, I mean when the league actually launches will anyone really care?

Television ratings for the N.F.L. have fallen 17 percent over the past two seasons. The league is embroiled in a continuing crisis over concussions, and youth participation rates are falling.

All of this suggests a difficult future for the sport, yet the N.F.L.’s most notorious competitor, Vince McMahon’s X.F.L., has a comeback in the works.

McMahon, the chairman and chief executive of World Wrestling Entertainment, announced on Thursday that he would take a second crack at professional football, with play scheduled to start in early 2020.

McMahon first tried to reimagine pro football 17 years ago. The old X.F.L. was a joint venture between the World Wrestling Federation (W.W.E.’s former name) and NBC, which had lost rights to broadcast N.F.L. games.

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[font size="8"]March & April: Mass Shootings & Gun Nut Apologists
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Yeah so at the end of February we had the horrifying mass shooting at Parkland High School in Florida, and for those of you who aren’t from America and don’t know how the mass shooting cycle works, we have the mass shooting no matter where it is, there’s usually a month long conversation that follows where we make some completely asinine excuses as to why we should continue to mass produce weapons of mass destruction. While mass shootings are nothing to joke at, we can joke at the mass stupidity of our elected representatives. Now just to set the record straight, we are in no way, shape or form making fun of tragedy. We’re just making fun of the excuses to blame everyone and everything but the gun!

The Texas lieutenant governor, speaking two days after 10 people were killed in a school shooting in his state, said abortion, divorce and violent video games and movies show that 'we have devalued life,' which he pointed to as a cause of school shootings.

Republican Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick told ABC News Chief Anchor George Stephanopoulos on "This Week" Sunday, "We have devalued life, whether it's through abortion, whether it's the breakup of families, through violent movies, and particularly violent video games."

Patrick continued, "Psychologists and psychiatrists will tell you that students are desensitized to violence, may have lost empathy for their victims by watching hours and hours of video violent games.”

He said, “the problem is multifaceted. It's not any one issue. But we, again, we have to look at our culture of violence, just our violent society, our Facebook, our Twitter, the bullying of adults on adults, and children on children. We have to look at ourselves, George, it's not about the guns, it's about us.”

Yes that’s the lieutenant governor of Texas literally saying that the reason that mass shootings happen is because schools have too many exits. But did we really need Killer Mike from Run The Jewels literally shooting his mouth off about guns? I can guarantee that answer is a definite “no”.

One half of Run The Jewels, Killer Mike has taken to social media to clarify controversial points he made in an interview with the National Rifle Association of America.

The interview was released while marches against gun violence took place in US, and saw the rapper discuss his gun ownership stance while debating the marches and National Walkout Day.

“I told my kids on the school walkout, I love you, [but] if you walkout that school, walkout my house,” he said to NRATV.

“We are not a family that jumps on every single thing an ally of ours does because some stuff we just don’t agree with.”

Killer Mike also said he was “very pro-Second Amendment”.

“And before you say ‘What about the children,’ my daughter goes to Savannah State University. There was also a shooting on that campus. Talked to my wife and daughter after that, the decision was we’re gonna go to Savannah, she’s gonna get a gun and train more.”

Well you could just call it “Run The Jewels Live From Uranus”. Yes, we at the Top 10 are not above making poop jokes! But of course you know politics makes for strange bedfellows and those that survived the shooting went on a rampage of their own targeting the NRA. Of course we were introduced to David Hogg, a 18 year old who is going places and makes gun nutters frothing at the mouth crazy.

National Rifle Association board member and classic rocker Ted Nugent slammed survivors of the Parkland, Florida, school shooting, calling them "liars" and "poor, mushy-brained children."

Nugent made the comments during an interview on "The Joe Pags Show," a nationally syndicated conservative radio program.

"All you have to do now is not only feel sorry for the liars, but you have to go against them and pray to God that the lies can be crushed and the liars can be silenced so that real measures can be put into place to actually save children's lives," Nugent said about the Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School students.

"These poor children, I'm afraid to say this and it hurts me to say this, but the evidence is irrefutable, they have no soul," he added.

Read more: https://www.cnn.com/2018/03/31/politics/nra-member-calls-parkland-survivors-liars/index.html

Yes that’s everyone’s favorite draft dodging pants shitter Ted Nugent openly mocking mass shooting victims on national TV. And in case you’re wondering if the GOP couldn’t be anymore cruel and heartless when it comes to this sort of thing, remember when Crisis Actors were a thing? Oh and guess what? That was named “lie of the year” by Politifact!

The conspiracy theories that labeled the Parkland student activists “crisis actors” has been named the Lie of the Year by prominent fact-checking web site PolitiFact.

“In another year of lament about the lack of truth in politics, the attacks against Parkland’s students stand out because of their sheer vitriol,” PolitiFact said in the story announcing the decision, published Tuesday.

The website notes that in the immediate days after the Feb. 14 shooting at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School, there was a sense of potential unity, especially after President Donald Trump said that unlike in the past, this time the response wouldn’t be just talk.

“But in the shadows, the internet engine of hoaxes and smears had started,” PolitiFact noted, highlighting the claim that student leader David Hogg and the other students were “crisis actors” and not actually students from the school.

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[font size="8"]May – June
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Ah, Armageddon days are here again! Of course we go from mass school shooting to seeing what we’re all gonna die in the rapture looks like. And you know that one of the biggest groups of Trump supporters is end times apocalypse worshippers, and you know they just love him, and they’re actively encouraging President T to bring about the apocalypse to placate their own fantasies, because reasons. And hey you know what? A nuclear apocalypse isn’t going to favor you, you will probably die too! But Trump did his best to escalate the situation with an incredibly ill advised move to take the US embassy to Jerusalem, which caused a whole lot of people to die in the process.

The US officially relocated its Embassy to Jerusalem on Monday, formally upending decades of American foreign policy in a move that was met with clashes and protests along the Israeli-Gaza border.

At least 43 Palestinians were killed in Gaza as deadly protests took place ahead of and during the ceremony in Jerusalem — making it the deadliest day there since the 2014 Gaza war.

President Donald Trump did not attend the ceremony in Jerusalem's Arnona neighborhood, but in a video message broadcast at the event he congratulated Israel, saying the opening had been "a long time coming."

"Today, Jerusalem is the seam of Israel's government. It is the home of the Israeli legislature and the Israeli supreme court and Israel's prime minister and president. Israel is a sovereign nation with the right like every other sovereign nation to determine its own capital, yet for many years, we failed to acknowledge the obvious, the plain reality that Israel's capital is Jerusalem," Trump said in the pre-recorded remarks.

Yeah we can imagine the rapture will be kind of like that. But then the summer time was also the time that Melania picked to launch her anti-bullying campaign called “#BeBest”. Anyone remember that? I mean who perfect to pick to launch an anti-bullying campaign than the wife of one of the biggest bullies in the world?

Melania Trump, nearly 16 months into her tenure as first lady, has at last revealed her formal platform: "Be Best." The comprehensive program will focus on three main points -- well-being, fighting opioid abuse and positivity on social media -- and is the culmination of the past several months of Trump's various public events, all of which centered around helping children.

"As a mother and as first lady, it concerns me that in today's fast-paced and ever-connected world, children can be less prepared to express or manage their emotions and oftentimes turn to forms of destructive or addictive behavior such as bullying, drug addiction or even suicide," she said during a Rose Garden event Monday.

"I feel strongly that as adults we can and should be best at educating our children about the importance of a healthy and balanced life," the first lady said.
Trump has in recent weeks experienced a significant surge in support, a new CNN poll revealed Monday, including among women and Democrats.

In a poll conducted by SSRS last week, 57% say they have a favorable impression of Trump, up from 47% in January. This is the biggest number Melania Trump has experienced in any CNN polling, and higher than any favorability rating earned by President Donald Trump in CNN polling history going back to 1999.

That’s right – it took 16 months for Melania to finally unveil her plan to end bullying! Of course it’s kind of hard to do that when you’re a bully yourself! Must we forget that Melania, oh and by the way what a fine example she’s setting! And remember when Sean Hannity committed multiple on air felonies by telling anyone involved in the Trump campaign to destroy their phones? So much better than her emails, they tell us!

Fox News host Sean Hannity on his show Wednesday night sarcastically advised witnesses in special counsel Robert Mueller's investigation to "follow Hillary Clinton's lead" and destroy their personal phones before handing them over to prosecutors.

Hannity's comments — he said he was kidding during the same telecast — followed a report by CNBC that Mueller's team had asked witnesses in its probe to turn over their personal phones for examination of encrypted messaging apps like WhatsApp, Dust and Signal.

The Fox host lambasted Mueller's "pitbull" team for the tactic of demanding that witnesses turn over phones and all encrypted apps, along with the messages and emails within them.

Hannity then made a comparison to Clinton, whose use of a private email server when she served as secretary of State prompted an FBI investigation and has been the subject of frequent criticism on his show.

And then speaking of Melania, remember when Trump decided that the border was his own personal play toy? And when he started locking children in cages and separating them from their parents in some truly evil, Hitler-esque shit? Yeah, and then we had Melania’s famous jacket:

A day after first lady Melania Trump stirred controversy by wearing a jacket that read "I really don't care, do u?" on a trip to visit a children's shelter on the U.S.-Mexico border, people are still scratching their heads.

What did it mean? And how did something like this happen?

On his late-night show, comedian Stephen Colbert asked a version of the question reverberating around political Washington: "How many people would get fired for this at a normal White House? One? Five? The entire executive branch? . . . People who were supposedly on her side let her get on a plane with a jacket that said, 'I really don't care, do you?'"

Whether the first lady anticipated - or was warned - that her outerwear would divert attention from what her staff described as a humanitarian mission, her choice to wear it in public seems to be deliberate.

Her small staff has described her as a decisive first lady who values loyalty and privacy.

Oh and we can’t end discussion of this summer without mentioning Sarah’s night out at the Red Hen restaurant and the resulting shit show that followed with conservatives telling liberals that we really need to be more civil to each other. Really? We don’t call the cops on black people for sitting at park benches.

Stephanie Wilkinson was at home Friday evening — nearly 200 miles from the White House — when the choice presented itself.

Her phone rang about 8 p.m. It was the chef at the Red Hen, the tiny farm-to-table restaurant that she co-owned just off Main Street in the small city of Lexington, in the western part of Virginia.

Sarah Huckabee Sanders had just walked in and sat down, the chef informed her.

“He said the staff is a little concerned. What should we do?” Wilkinson told The Washington Post. “I said I’d be down to see if it’s true.”

It seemed unlikely to her that President Trump’s press secretary should be dining at a 26-seat restaurant in rural Virginia. But then, it was unlikely that her entire staff would have misidentified Sanders, who had arrived last to a table of eight booked under her husband’s name.

Although if you want to talk about civility, you conservative snowflakes, you couldn’t even get the right fucking Red Hen restaurant correctly! Yeah you wound up harassing and sending death threats to Red Hen restaurants all over the country! Civility my ass!!!!

Several restaurants named the Red Hen said they were harassed over the weekend after press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders was asked on Friday to leave an unrelated Lexington, Virginia, eatery of the same name.

Stephanie Wilkinson, who owns the restaurant where Sanders tried to dine, told The Washington Post that she asked the press secretary to leave because several of her staffers are gay and were concerned about serving Sanders, who has defended an administration that has supported anti-LGBTQ policies.

The incident has sparked backlash, and hundreds of people have contacted the restaurant or posted on its social media pages to express their feelings.

Though Sanders’ tweet about the incident specified that the restaurant she had visited is in Lexington, President Donald Trump added to the confusion on Monday when he slammed the Red Hen on Twitter without identifying which Red Hen restaurant he was referring to.

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[font size="8"]July – August
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You really don’t need to watch Fox News for more than an hour to know what an impact they have on the Trump administration. I mean he watches Fox News so much that you can literally hear the 1-800-EMPIRE commercial jingle in the background on Air Force One:

Yeah that happened! And remember when Trump put Scott Pruitt in charge of the EPA and then he was replaced by a Fox News host? Fox News has basically created a bullshit pipeline that leads them direct to Trump’s White House. Who’s really running the country now?

WASHINGTON -- Scott Pruitt, the administrator of the Environmental Protection Agency who was key to implementing President Trump's conservative agenda but came under intense scrutiny for a series of questionable ethical decisions, resigned Thursday afternoon. Pruitt's deputy at the EPA, Andrew Wheeler, will serve as the agency's acting administrator starting Monday, President Trump said in a tweet.

"I have no doubt that Andy will continue on with our great and lasting EPA agenda," Mr. Trump tweeted. "We have made tremendous progress and the future of the EPA is very bright!"

Pruitt had been the subject of a seemingly endless deluge of stories about his behavior and spending practices. It began earlier this year when it was revealed that Pruitt had rented a room at a favorable rate from a well-connected energy lobbyist. Pruitt's lavish spending on his own security then came under scrutiny, as did his decision to install a $43,00 private phone booth in his office. There were also allegations that Pruitt had created an toxic professional atmosphere at the EPA that penalized his critics.

Pruitt said his decision to leave the EPA was a hard one in his resignation letter to Mr. Trump.

I think that’s going to happen next. But then of course after the Peter Strzok shit storm Trump got sent to see Putin, like the 5th grade kid getting sent to the principal’s office in Helsinki. We need that GIF of Putin riding on the Ritz cracker.

Following a day of discussions between Presidents Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin in Helsinki, Finland, Mr. Trump left Monday's summit neglecting to hold Putin accountable for Russia's role in interfering in the 2016 presidential election -- saving most of his criticism for America itself.

"I hold both countries responsible. I think that the United States has been foolish. I think that we've all been foolish. We should have had this dialogue a long time ago, a long time, frankly, before I got to office," Mr. Trump said during a joint press conference with Putin.

Offered multiple chances to denounce Russia's actions, Mr. Trump instead placed blame on the FBI and said that he had "confidence" in both parties -- the intelligence community and Russia.

"All I can do is ask the question - my people came to me, Dan Coats came to me and some others, they said they think it's Russia. I have President Putin he just said it's not Russia. I will say this, I don't see any reason why it would be but I really want to see the server but, I have confidence in both parties," Mr. Trump said.

And this might be one of my favorite stories of the entire year so far. Remember when vandals got a hold of one of Betsy DeVos’ $40 million yachts and set it afloat in Lake Huron? Oh yeah let’s not forget that the DeVos family owns a James Bond villain-esque fleet of yachts and private jets. You know, because reasons.

A $40 million yacht belonging to Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos was untied from its mooring at a Lake Huron marina, police said.

The SeaQuest, a 164-foot luxury yacht, registered under a Cayman Islands flag, was set adrift at the Huron Boat Basin, where it was docked.

"Around sunrise the crew woke to find the boat had been untied from the dock and was adrift," according to a vandalism report filed Sunday by the Huron Police Department.

The crew was able to regain control, but not before the ship struck the dock, suffering several scratches and scrapes, the report said.

The captain estimated that the collision caused between $5,000-$10,000 in damages.

And then of course something sad happened – the woman, the myth, the legend that is the Queen of Soul, Aretha Franklin passed away. Of course, Trump loving conservatives couldn’t find it in their, what passes for hearts, to say something about the legend. I mean Trump couldn’t even book an Aretha Franklin impersonator!

As we all have learned, Aretha Franklin wasn’t just the Queen of Soul, she also fought for justice. Ms. Franklin was close to Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and sang at his funeral. She offered to post bail for Angela Davis in 1979, saying, “I’m going to see her free if there is any justice in our courts, not because I believe in communism, but because she’s a Black woman and she wants freedom for Black people.” Franklin also sang at three inaugurations: Jimmy Carter, Bill Clinton and Barack Obama. However, there is reportedly one inauguration she refused to lend her voice — Trump’s. And a new report claims he was begging the Queen of Soul.

Franklin “hated” the rise of Trump. Tom Barrack, the chairman of the Presidential Inaugural Committee, was attempting to book Aretha, The Daily Beast reports, writing, ” Trump had long considered the legendary singer a friend, and wanted the offer framed as an opportunity to help bring the country back together after a brutal, bruising presidential election.”

A “source” told The Daily Beast that Franklin said “no amount of money” would persuade her to perform for him at the inauguration. Also, “Another knowledgeable source described her as ‘despising’ everything he stood for, as an avowed Hillary Clinton supporter.”

The Daily Beast said Barrack’s spokesman declined to comment on the story.

Of course this should be no shocker. Unlike Omarosa, Ms. Franklin was able to clearly see who Trump was.

And then Fox News had an epic fail when they posted a picture of Patti LaBelle!


And then of course there’s Trump’s completely ridiculous plan to create a sixth branch of the government called “Space Force”.

Vice President Pence laid out an ambitious plan Thursday that would begin creating a military command dedicated to space and establish a “Space Force” as the sixth branch of the U.S. military as soon as 2020, the first since the Air Force was formed shortly after World War II.

Pence warned of the advancements that potential adversaries are making and issued what amounted to a call to arms to preserve the military’s dominance in space.

“Just as we’ve done in ages past, the United States will meet the emerging threats on this new battlefield,” he said in a speech at the Pentagon. “The time has come to establish the United States Space Force.”

But the monumental task of standing up a new military department, which would require approval by a Congress that shelved the idea last year, may require significant new spending and a reorganization of the largest bureaucracy in the world. And the idea has already run into fierce opposition inside and outside the Pentagon, particularly from the Air Force, which could lose some of its responsibilities.

Just keep Pence away from the equipment!

It’s like Peter Griffin is in charge!

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[font size="8"]September – October
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In the GOP, sexual harassers and serial perverts tend to attract their own kind. Which is why they elected and continue to support Donald J. Trump. We covered extensively last year the #MeToo movement. And they had to go and nominate this fucking guy to judge the highest law in the land, yes, that guy. Brett Kavanaugh. The guy who gave us boofing, the 4F club and of course his bizarre high school calender. Hey if you still have a calendar from high school, you are not a SCOTUS justice, you’re a hoarder.

As multiple accusers have come forward with allegations of sexual misconduct against Supreme Court Justice nominee Brett Kavanaugh, his defenders are taking predictable steps to defend him. They have tried trotting out conservative talking heads to smear Dr. Christine Blasey Ford, Kavanaugh’s initial accuser, as a “troubled” liar (though she first made the allegations to a therapist in 2012 and has since passed a polygraph test administered by a former FBI agent) and a Democratic political operative. Sen. Orrin Hatch, R-Utah, has called newer allegations by Deborah Ramirez, simply "phony."

Equally predictable has been the defenses related to Kavanaugh’s youth and level of intoxication at the time of the alleged incidents. There seems to be the unfortunate belief among Kavanaugh's defenders that “boys will be boys” and should not be held responsible for their youthful "indiscretions" or crimes.

But most men and boys are not one drink too many away from perpetrating sexual abuse. Anyone who has ever drank alcohol in excess has probably done something they later regretted, but few commit sex crimes. Alcohol doesn’t cause sexual violence; if it did, it should be illegal. Rather, alcohol is often used by predators as a tool against victims and convenient excuse for their actions.

Oh please, if you think “boys will be boys”, you probably shouldn’t be parents of boys, or parents of girls for that matter. This whole thing just made me angry, the only reason they nominated him was to “own the libs”. But you know what? SCOTUS justices have to side with the constitution, assholes! Oh and if you want to know the state of this country, just look at how we treat sexual harassment victims, like our idiot president did!

President Donald Trump for the first time directly mocked Christine Blasey Ford's testimony before the Senate Judiciary Committee by casting doubt on her testimony during a campaign rally.

Before the crowd Tuesday night in Southaven, Mississippi, Trump imitated Ford during her testimony, mocking her for not knowing the answers to questions such as how she had gotten to the high school party where she says Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh sexually assaulted her.

"I had one beer. Well, do you think it was -- nope, it was one beer," Trump said, mimicking Ford's testimony last week to the Senate Judiciary Committee.

"How did you get home? I don't remember. How'd you get there? I don't remember. Where is the place? I don't remember. How many years ago was it? I don't know."

Trump's comments were met with laughter and applause from the crowd.
"I don't know. I don't know," the President continued. "What neighborhood was it in? I don't know. Where's the house? I don't know. Upstairs, downstairs -- where was it? I don't know -- but I had one beer. That's the only thing I remember."

Yeah that’s kind of how I feel about that one. But we don’t really need to relive that whole bullshit argument, so let’s skip ahead to fun things! Like when Melania went to Africa to promote her “#BeBest” campaign and really showed the kind of shining example she is to promote an anti-bullying campaign!

First lady Melania Trump said in an interview that aired Thursday that she is the most bullied person in the world, which has led her to create her anti-bullying "Be Best" initiative, before softening her comments slightly to say she is one of the most bullied.

"I could say I'm the most bullied person on the world," Trump told ABC News in an interview during her first major solo trip to Africa last week when asked what personally made her want to tackle the issue of cyberbullying.

"You're really the most bullied person in the world?" ABC News' Tom Llamas asked during the exchange.
"One of them, if you really see what people saying about me," Trump said.

Asked how bullying could affect children, including her son Barron, Trump said that is why her initiative is focused on social media and online behavior.

Womp womp! Oh and then we had one of the absolutely craziest incidents of the year happened that pretty much made us forget about Brett Kavanaugh and boofing. Yes, the MAGABomber. The guy who Bill Maher called “peak Florida” might be one of the dumbest fucking criminals alive. I mean this story was completely insane.

A man arrested on suspicion of being the MAGA bomber has been named as Native American Trump supporter Cesar Sayoc, 56. Sayoc, of Fort Lauderdale, is belived to have been arrested in Plantation, a suburb of Miami, Florida, Friday on suspicion of sending 12 pipe bombs to top Democrats and high-profile figures critical of Donald Trump. Online records show Sayoc has owned companies called Native American Catering & Vending, as well as Proud Native America One Low Price Drycleaning.

Bodybuilder Sayoc is said to have been traced by DNA and phone records, and was flagged as a suspect after making previous terror threats to judges. Meanwhile, photos have emerged of a van linked to Sayoc covered in pro-Trump and anti-Hillary Clinton stickers.

Read more: https://metro.co.uk/2018/10/26/police-seize-van-covered-in-donald-trump-stickers-after-arresting-suspected-maga-bomber-56-8078782/?ito=cbshare

Can we show the van?

I think that van might be held up by the stickers! Which of course the right used to refer to their favorite conspiracy, the false flag. I mean if you listen to these morons, everything is a false flag!

Just hours after the news broke this week that explosive devices had been sent to Bill and Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama and other prominent Democrats, a conspiracy theory began to take shape in certain corners of conservative media.

The bombs, this theory went, were not actually part of a plot to harm Democrats, but were a “false flag” operation concocted by leftists in order to paint conservatives as violent radicals ahead of the elections next month.

“These ‘Suspicious Package’ stories are false flags, carefully planned for the midterms,” tweeted Jacob Wohl, a pro-Trump internet troll who writes for Gateway Pundit, a right-wing news site.

By nightfall, as more explosives were discovered addressed to Representative Maxine Waters, a California Democrat, and Eric H. Holder Jr., an attorney general under Mr. Obama, the fact-free explanation had gelled: The bombs were props, planted by Democratic operatives and amplified by a biased liberal media. A woman arrived at a debate between the two candidates for Florida governor, Ron DeSantis and Andrew Gillum, with a sign that read “Democrats Fake News Fake Bombs.” Lou Dobbs, the Fox Business host and confidant of President Trump, echoed that line in a tweet that he later deleted.

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[font size="8"]November – December
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We are almost done with our year end recap everybody! Yeah whew! Come on, I just want to see 30 Seconds To Mars, that’s what this is all about, right? I mean I can see Jared and the guys hanging out backstage! You just have to sit through a little more of my bullshit and then we can call it a year and enjoy the show! But I love this that the republicans just got their asses handed to them in the midterm election. Well we didn’t get the senate but we did take back the house! And Putin’s favorite Congressman got fired!

Dana Rohrabacher, a Republican known for his unapologetic pro-Russia stance, is projected to lose against Democrat Harley Rouda in California's 48th congressional district race.

As a member of the House Foreign Affairs Committee, Rohrabacher has advocated for a better relationship with Russian President Vladimir. He has voted with President Trump nearly 84 percent of the time, according to nonpartisan analysis from FiveThirtyEight. He also has been known to back Trump's stance on immigration.

Rouda, a businessman and lawyer promising to protect health care coverage and reduce gun violence, appeared to take the win Wednesday morning after midnight data showed a near tie between the two candidates. Rouda held over 91,000 votes and Rohrabacher had 89,068.

Democrats won the majority in the House of Representatives as midterm election results finalized. This ends unified Republican rule of Washington and opens the possibility that Trump could be investigated when they take power in January. They could demand Trump’s tax returns, subpoena his Cabinet members and investigate alleged corruption across the executive branch.

And then one of my favorite stories of the year has to be the story of Surefire Intelligence. Yes there were two guys who were rabid Trump fans and complete douchebags – 20 year old stock broker wunderkind Jacob Wohl – who was actually banned from the practice due to shady dealings (what a shocker, I know! ), and his business partner Jack Berkman. They tried to use #MeToo as a weapon to take down Robert Mueller, and well, it backfired spectacularly.

Jacob Wohl’s introduction to Washington politics and reporting in the real world—as opposed to the Twitter universe—went sideways on Thursday during a press conference that Wohl attended with conspiracy theorist and lobbyist Jack Burkman.

The pair held their show in a Holiday Inn just across the Potomac River from Washington, D.C. The premise of this press conference was to “present a credible witness” who would accuse Robert Mueller of sexual assault. But any credibility Burkman and Wohl had hoped for was gone before they ever walked into the Rosslyn-area hotel in Arlington, Virginia.

They were scooped on their own story by the Atlantic when the outlet reported that Burkman was behind a scheme to pay women to falsify allegations against Mueller. We even knew the dollar amount that Burkman was offering— $20,000.

Wohl was implicated when it was revealed that he was behind the company, Surefire Intelligence, that had published the official-looking documents outlining the allegations. Surefire’s LinkedIn pages also featured photos of stock models. The profile for an employee in Tel Aviv used a photo of actor Christoph Waltz. The phone numbers listed on Surefire’s website were registered to Wohl’s mother’s name.

Thank you Master Yoda! And then we had a huge shakeup in the Trump administration as Tribute Sessions left the wild insanity of the Trump administration and he also had a great sendoff. But yeah the Trump administration has basically become a revolving door and we can expect more Trumper Games stories in the near future! Although I don’t really want to relieve the horror at the border, I do want to show how the Proud Boys imploded!

In a video posted to YouTube on Wednesday, Proud Boys founder Gavin McInnes publicly claimed to have quit the far-right group.

The move came two days after the Guardian exclusively revealed that the FBI had categorized the Proud Boys as “an extremist group with ties to white nationalism”, in a briefing to Washington state law enforcement.

In a sometimes rambling video, McInnes referenced the Guardian story and the prosecution of seven group members over a street brawl in New York city in October, as he offered reasons for resigning from the group.

“As of today … I am officially disassociating myself from the Proud Boys,” he began.

Referencing the New York group as the “NYC Nine”, McInnes said: “I am told by my legal team and law enforcement that this gesture could help alleviate their sentencing.”

And then of course on January 3rd when the new Congress gets to work, I can’t wait to see what is going to happen to Michael Cohen and Paul Manafort. Of course you know Trump only hires “the best people” so what happens when the best people do the best squealing? Well we will find out!

The special counsel Robert Mueller's office has told defense lawyers in recent weeks that it is "tying up loose ends" in the investigation into Russia's interference in the 2016 election and whether members of President Donald Trump's campaign colluded with Moscow, Yahoo News reported Monday.

The news is not entirely unexpected. Last month, CNN reported that the special counsel had begun drafting his final report in the Russia investigation.

And this week, prosecutors are set to file several court documents that could reveal major new details about three key players in the Russia investigation: the former national security adviser Michael Flynn, the former Trump campaign chairman Paul Manafort, and the former Trump lawyer Michael Cohen.

All three men have pleaded guilty and have been cooperating with prosecutors.


By the way if you really want to see Trump’s presidency in action just look at him boarding Air Force One!

And that’s our 2018 year in review everybody!

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
[br] [/font]

Yes it’s the segment where we in the comedy profession explain the concept of humor to people who just quite don’t get it. And you know who doesn’t get humor? The guy who we currently call president, Donald J. Trump. Trump has a hate-hate relationship with everyone’s favorite sketch comedy series Saturday Night Live, and you know he’s got a fourth monitor 10 inches from his bed so he can hate-watch the show. And boy that sketch on Saturday Night Live must have really left a mark. If you haven’t seen that sketch go back to the beginning of this edition and watch it again. Because if there’s one thing that really pisses off Donald J. Trump, it’s when he gets trolled. And this sketch trolled him hard, and it is really getting under his skin.

Have you noticed that Saturday Night Live cracks a lot of jokes at Donald Trump’s expense? The president has, several times—decrying Alec Baldwin’s goonish impersonation of him on multiple occasions and, in September, calling the venerated sketch show “a political ad for the Dems.” But on Sunday, as if awakening from an amnesiac slumber, the president became aware of the phenomenon once more. And wouldn’t you know it, he is not amused.

S.N.L. took its last shot at the president for the year in its midseason finale on Saturday, with a spoof on It’s a Wonderful Life in which Baldwin’s bumbling Trump found out what the world would be like, had he never been elected. (Spoiler alert: everyone, including the president himself, would have been better off.) On Sunday, after a weekend of bashing the press and calling attention to any matter of intrigue that was not his former attorney going to prison for three years, the president fired an angry tweet NBC’s way like clockwork.

“A REAL scandal is the one sided coverage, hour by hour, of networks like NBC & Democrat spin machines like Saturday Night Live,” the president wrote. “It is all nothing less than unfair news coverage and Dem commercials. Should be tested in courts, can’t be legal? Only defame & belittle! Collusion?”

The president has fumed over S.N.L.‘s alleged one-sidedness before; back in 2016, soon after his electoral victory, he exploded over an episode of the show before asking, “Equal time for us?” As Baldwin pointed out at the time, that rule only applies to candidates. And Trump also seemed to conveniently forget that he hosted the show himself back in 2015 when he was on the campaign trail—a move that inspired no shortage of outrage on the left. Still, given this administration’s oft-demonstrated disinterest in facts, it’s hard to imagine what else any of us should have expected.

To which we say – “good luck with that!”. I mean come on it’s a fucking comedy show, if they’re not mocking your ridiculous behavior 24 hours a day, they’re doing it wrong! Seriously when SNL comes back after the break, they should just mock this mercilessly. And here’s the thing, if Trump thinks SNL is bad, he probably shouldn’t turn on the TV when he goes to Europe!

It’s time for Christmas gifts in Europe, and comedy sketch writers here have rarely considered themselves to be so fortunate. As the continent’s very own Brexit drama is turning into a dark comedy, President Trump is a gift that keeps on giving to satirical shows.

Europe’s star comedians are doing their best to return the favor. Last week, Germany’s top-rated “Heute Show” satirical broadcast awarded Trump its so-called Goldener Vollpfosten (Golden Idiot) award for the fourth-consecutive time — a keenly anticipated decision by the public broadcaster that made its way into the nation’s more serious news outlets. Trump shares this year’s award with Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman, among others.

Meanwhile, in Brexit-distraught Britain, viewers appeared relieved that things may still look messier in the White House than on 10 Downing Street and picked a Trump joke as their annual favorite. Some 2,000 Brits followed a call for action by British comedy channel Gold and picked the following line as 2018′s most hilarious one: “What does Donald Trump do after he pulls a cracker? Pays her off.” Pulling a cracker, according to Urban Dictionary, is a British “phrase used during the festive season to describe going out with a view to hooking up with an attractive person” — a not-too-subtle reference to the hush money payments by Trump’s former lawyer Michael Cohen.

You really know things are fucked up when the Germans get humor and you don’t! NEIN!!! My favorite thing too is that conservatives were whining big time about the fact that Trump is being called an idiot in Google searches, and I think the Germans are on to something here! And here’s the thing, Mr. Trump – we get it! You’re a TV guy! But you don’t have to find literally every mention of your name in the media. You know who does that? Weird Al. And least Weird Al is funny about it, whereas we know you hate-watch SNL. I mean what do you have like a Google alert for every time your name is mentioned in a late night program?

It looks like Donald Trump was not impressed with the way Saturday Night Live lampooned his administration (again) this week.

This week's cold open imagined what Washington might be like right about now if Trump had not won the presidency in 2016, with Alec Baldwin returning to deliver his signature mouth-squinch as the POTUS in the It's a Wonderful Life-themed black-and-white short guided by Kenan Thompson's Clarence the Angel.

The segment features Sarah Huckabee-Sanders (Aidy Bryant) as a PR rep to a slew of other controversial companies, Kellyanne Conway (Kate McKinnon) feeling pretty radiant about the lack of lies in her life, Eric Trump (Alex Moffat) having earned a few new IQ points, Melania Trump (Cecily Strong) as a real estate mogul in her own right, Michael Cohen (Ben Stiller) as a much peppier attorney-slash-fixer who's free to proceed on that Trump Tower Moscow project, Mike Pence (Beck Bennett) enjoying a post-political life as a spirited DJ. After seeing their happiness on parade, NotTrump concludes, "Wow, so everyone is better off without me being president."

The night's host, Matt Damon, also reprised his role as Brett Kavanaugh — only this time, his love of beer and childhood friends named "Squi" is endearing — and, last but not least, Robert De Niro arrived again as Robert Mueller, who was happy to have so much more time to spend with his grandson in retirement.

Yeah probably! And you know you’re thin skinned when John Legend’s wife Chrissy Tegen can shut you down with just 3 words. Can we show that tweet?


Someone call the burn ward because you just got burned! I mean for the party that loves to rail on snowflakes, they sure are a bunch of snowflakes aren’t they? Really no one is more thin skinned than the white Christian conservative. But the day you can have my late night sketch comedy is the day you pry it from my cold dead hands, OK?

CNN’s Alisyn Camerota is serious about her political comedy.

After Saturday Night Live opened its final show of 2018 this weekend with an It’s a Wonderful Life parody that imagined a world in which Donald Trump was never elected president, the actual president of the United States tweeted, “A REAL scandal is the one sided coverage, hour by hour, of networks like NBC & Democrat spin machines like Saturday Night Live.”

“It is all nothing less than unfair news coverage and Dem commercials,” Trump added. “Should be tested in courts, can’t be legal? Only defame & belittle! Collusion?”

As her co-anchor John Berman read that “official statement” aloud to New Day viewers on Monday morning, Camerota interrupted to him to point out that SNL is “actually not news,” it’s a “comedy show.”

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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
[br] [/font]

Gather around, my fair brothers and sisters, it’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate! For the Holy Church of the Top 10 has convened and it’s our weekly duty to remind you why the holiest among us are also the most full of:

My fair congregation! This is the last week of the year for us, we are going to take the holy high holidays off and come back next year rested and refreshed and ready to take on all the batshit being flung at us by our brothers and sisters on the right! But… before we go, we are going to look back on the year that was because they were up to their usual bag of tricks. Of course you know there has been an ongoing war between those in the spiritual world who support the unholy, ungodly Dark One – whose name shall not be mentioned in my church – and those that do! They even made a movie about it!

Mark Taylor is sure he knows why Donald Trump became president.

Forget Hillary hatred, white anger, Russian interference or voter turnout. Trump’s victory was God’s will, said Taylor. Taylor said he knows this because God told him so.

In 2011, while watching an interview with Trump on TV, Taylor says he heard a voice saying, “The Spirit of God says I’ve chosen this man, Donald Trump, for such a time as this.”

And the Almighty is just getting started, said Taylor, a former firefighter who has published 23 “prophetic words,” many about Trump’s presidency.

The presidential prediction is detailed in “The Trump Prophecy,” a new film produced with the help of faculty and students at Liberty University — some of whom later rejected its message — that will be shown in some 1,200 theaters on Oct. 2 and 4.

I mean really, I love that the Christian right has a guy who thinks he’s a firefighter, a guy who thinks he’s a coach, and a guy who thinks he’s a sea captain. Really, they’re only a Native American chief short of the Village People! But you know this is also the year that the uber religious opened their own theme park!

Northern Kentucky's Noah's Ark replica attracted one million visitors during its second year of operation, officials said.

Answers in Genesis (AIG), which owns the Ark Encounter and the Creation Museum, reported a 20 percent jump in attendance year over year for the ark.

The structure, literally of Biblical proportions, opened to the public in July 2016 and drew about drew over 1 million visitors to Williamstown during its first year of operation as well. Answers in Genesis initially projected 1.2 million would attend.

By most accounts, the ark draws more visitors than its sister attraction. AIG does not release yearly attendance numbers for the Creation Museum, according to spokeswoman Melany Ethridge, however, organization leaders said in 2016 they were hoping the museum would draw 600,000 that year.

New additions are planned for the Ark Encounter grounds including the Answers Center, more zoo space, restaurants and a children's play area. The center will house a 2,500-seat auditorium and a 36,000-square foot basement with classrooms.

Yes so there is a giant ark and it’s quite possibly the worst theme park ever. But then of course I love delving into the world of conspiracy theories and there were quite a lot of them in this administration from the get go, but then they combine their street preaching and reckless conspiracy theories into a fight club known as Patriot Prayer. I mean that just sounds horrible doesn’t it?

Fresh off another violent street brawl in Portland, Patriot Prayer is planning a pair of college campus visits to talk about guns -- but now is turning its attention to its home turf of Clark County.

Members of the right-wing group plan to be at Clark College on Oct. 22 and Washington State University Vancouver the next day to protest a state ballot initiative that would raise the minimum age of semi-automatic rifle purchasers to 21 from 18.

Joey Gibson, a Vancouver resident and Patriot Prayer's leader, said about three dozen supporters will hand out fliers encouraging students to oppose Initiative 1639, which would also impose a 10-day waiting period for semi-automatic purchases and require buyers to take firearms training.

Several campus groups at WSU Vancouver this week published an open letter to urge students and faculty not to attend class during Patriot Prayer's visit, citing the group's propensity for physical confrontations and its history of drawing white nationalists and other controversial participants to its events, The Columbian reported.

Clark College spokeswoman Hannah Erickson told the paper the school also had concerns about the group coming to its campus, which Gibson dismissed.

"They're not going to stop us talking to students. It's not going to happen," he told The Columbian, adding that Initiative 1639 was "fascist."

Yes, my constituents! Nothing says JAYSUS like a pep talk from a fight club about guns! I mean really who is he kidding? I’ve read our good book cover to cover and I don’t remember any passage where JAYSUS told his disciples that it is better to shoot first and ask questions later! And speaking of shooting first and asking questions later, is it any wonder that they love the apocalypse?

Intercessors for America, the pro-Trump group that has been mobilizing its prayer warriors to help elect “godly” candidates in the 2018 midterms, has bumped up the frequency of its monthly prayer calls and will be holding them every week between now and the election. Rep. Jody Hice of Georgia was the featured guest on last Friday’s call.

IFA’s Dave Kubal described this year’s elections as the most important ever, and called Hice “one of my favorite Congressmen.” Hice returned the favor, saying that intercessory prayer activists are “the most important group in America right now.” He said that the “evidence of intercession is abundant in ways we cannot even fathom,” citing as examples the election of Trump and his ability to name Supreme Court justices, and the prayer meetings and Bible studies happening “all over the place” in Washington and at the U.N. and the Pentagon.

Hice warned that if Democrats take the House, they would immediately “begin pursuing impeachment, be it against President Trump or Chief Justice Kavanaugh [sic].” Under Democratic control, he said, taxes would rise, the military would “suffer,” there would be more sanctuary cities and less border protection, and religious freedom would be threatened.

Asked about pundits giving Democrats a 75 percent chance of winning a House majority, Hice noted that the same pundits had given Hillary Clinton a greater than 90 percent chance of winning the presidency in 2016. Hice took comfort in the fact that Trump moved the U.S. embassy in Israel to Jerusalem because God said that He would bless those who bless Israel.

Because impeaching the DARK ONE will lead directly to the apocalypse! You know I’ve seen this sort of movie before. It starts with impeachment and ends with nuclear hellfire! Yes because that’s what we need living under an unstable, unhinged lunatic with easy access to nuclear weapons – reason for him to use them! Can I get an amen???? But is it any wonder why supports of the Dark One – whose name shall not be spoken in my church - are losing if this is the kind of bullshit that we have to put up with? And yes, it is OK to swear in my church!

Last night, right-wing “journalist” and Trump–worshiping conspiracy theorist Liz Crokin posted a get-out-the-vote video on YouTube in which she asserted that a vote cast for any Democratic candidate in the midterm elections is a vote in support of the rape, torture, and murder of children.

“Tomorrow’s election boils down to whether or not you support the rape, torture, trafficking, and murdering of children, period,” she said. “Yes, it literally is that black and white. It is literally that simple.”

“The Democratic Party is the party of child sex trafficking,” Crokin continued. “Their policies—sanctuary cities, the border wall, the caravan crisis, the refugee crisis—these are all covers, people, to traffic children. Period! Tomorrow boils down to whether you support the trafficking of children or not. Period! I cannot stress this enough.”

“The members of Congress who are Democrats are tied into child sex trafficking in one way, shape, or form,” she added. “Whether they are directly trafficking kids themselves and raping kids and torturing kids themselves, or whether they are profiting off of it, or if they’re blackmailed, it doesn’t matter. That party’s polices encourages and fosters and enables child sex trafficking and many of the Demon-crats are directly running child sex trafficking rings, period.”

“If you are finding this video and seeing this video right now and you are undecided, there is a reason for that,” Crokin said. “God is calling you to the polls. And let me tell you, if you are not okay with children being raped, tortured, and trafficked, then you need to vote red all the way down the line. Period!”

Sadly we’re going to have to put up with more of that shit next year, but just be remembered that this is how the Dark One lost! Can I get an amen??? There you go, mass has ended, may you go in peace! That’s it this year for:

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[font size="8"]People Are Dumb
[br] [/font]

Hit it!

Of course you know by now that people are people and people are dumb. We’re almost at the end of the year and it’s time to look back on all the incredibly stupid people that we’ve found over the last year that was 2018. So where do we start? Well I want to start with what might be the dumbest story of the decade. Shit, maybe one of the dumbest stories of the century. Yeah there’s nothing at all that will ever top this one. So what story is it? Yup it’s the border patrol agent who was holding a gender reveal party and turned a hundred acres of brush into one of the largest fires in Arizona history!

When Dennis Dickey, a United States Border Patrol agent from Arizona, fired at a target filled with colorful powder, he was expecting to learn the gender of his future child, his lawyer said.

Instead, the target erupted and sparked a fire that consumed more than 45,000 acres of land and resulted in more than $8 million in damages, the United States attorney’s office for Arizona said.

On Friday, Mr. Dickey pleaded guilty to a misdemeanor violation of United States Forest Service regulations for igniting what became known as the Sawmill Fire, which started on April 23, 2017, and had nearly 800 firefighters battling it for about a week.

The fire began while Mr. Dickey was off duty near Green Valley, Ariz., about 26 miles south of Tucson, to celebrate his wife’s pregnancy, his lawyer, Sean Chapman, told The Arizona Daily Star.

You know it’s really going to be hard to pick the dumbest stories of the year because there were a lot of very strong contenders. Well one of my favorites was out of New Hampshire where a guy took the “judgement free zone” policy of gym chain Planet Fitness just a little too literally.

A Haverhill man who stripped naked and did yoga poses in a crowded Planet Fitness over the weekend learned the limits of the gym chain’s “judgement-free” philosophy.

Eric Stagno, 34, was arrested at the Planet Fitness in Plaistow, N.H., shortly after 1:30 p.m. on Sunday, according to police Captain Brett Morgan.

“When officers arrived, they found him there, completely nude: on his knees in a yoga-type position,” Morgan said. “He walked into the gym, stripped down at the door, then proceeded to walk back and forth a couple of times before settling in on the yoga mats.”

The gym was fairly crowded at the time, but Stagno kept to himself, Morgan said. He checked himself out in the mirror and made his way over to the yoga mats, seemingly unaware that those around him were perturbed.

Yup, that happened! Don’t judge me!!!! Don’t judge me!!!! It’s a judgement free zone!!! And of course we can’t talk about stupid people without mentioning America’s most penis shaped state – Florida, a lot of stupid and batshit crazy out of that state. For instance one of my favorite stories this year was the guy who got who took the phrase “get off my lawn” just a little too literally:

You know a neighbors’ spat is no longer neighborly when chainsaws get involved.

That’s what happened in Pasco County when two men got into a dispute over the shrubs between their houses last week. It ended with one of them needing surgery to repair severed tendons in his hand, WFLA reported.

The man with the chainsaw was Gregory Landaker, 70, of Land O’ Lakes, who was cutting shrubs on the property line he shares with Jeffrey Zlocki.

When Zlocki noticed what was going on, he went out and hugged “his bushes,” according to the sheriff’s office report.

That apparently didn’t deter Landaker, who continued sawing away. The chainsaw struck Zlocki in his left hand, and he was taken to Tampa General Hospital.

It wasn’t quite the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, but blood definitely flowed.

And then of course I love stupid criminal stories and the stupider the better. One of my favorite stupid criminal stories this year was the story of the cheerleader who was nominated for homecoming queen and then got busted for trying to bribe potential voters with pot brownies!

A 17-year-old cheerleader at a Michigan high school is accused of giving pot brownies to fellow students in hopes they'd vote for her as homecoming queen.

The student, now the subject of a criminal investigation, allegedly brought 12 marijuana-laced brownies to Hartford High School on September 26, authorities say.

Hartford patrolman Michael Prince, who is investigating the incident, told WWMT-TV that some of the brownies, nine of which are unaccounted for, were given to football players in "goody bags" as a way to campaign for homecoming queen.

In a letter sent home to parents, Hartford Public Schools said they were contacted by state police following an anonymous tip that students were eating pot brownies at the school. The school confirmed the report and involved students "are being dealt with" according to district policies and student handbooks, superintendent Andrew Hubbard said in a statement.

And then finally this year for people are dumb – another one of my favorite stories, this time out of Fresno – you know the hometown of one of Putin’s favorite Congressmen – Devin Nunes! You know here’s the thing – we all hate spiders. But you know what you don’t do with them? Kill them with a blow torch!!

A house caught on fire after a man tried to kill spiders and get rid of webs, according to a fire department.

Fresno firefighters said the man was house sitting for his parents and used a blowtorch against black widows, KFSN-TV reported.

Fire department spokesman Capt. Robert Castillo said the man used the open flame outdoors, starting at a brick veneer section of the approximately 4,000-square-foot home. He eventually noticed smoke coming from the attic.

Fire trucks inundated a street by the home Tuesday night. About 27 firefighters responded.

It caused an estimated $10,000 in damage.

That’s it this year for:

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[font size="8"]Deep State Diaries Episode 24: The Internal Revenue Service
[br] [/font]

It’s time for episode 24 of Deep State Diaries. Yes we’re touring the 24 branches and services that make up the United States government. Everything from the FBI to the IRS to the Pentagon to the CIA to the DPW to the DVA to parks and recreation and all branches and services in between. Of course if you’re here you probably already know more about our government and how it works than your average Fox News loving Trump supporter does. So that’s what this segment is going to address. We are going to do a deep dive into all that makes the United States the United States. Because we here at the Top 10 love to educate as well as entertain. Because we care.

[font size="6"]The Internal Revenue Service[/font]

Well there’s two things that are inevitable – death and taxes. Yes, for our last edition of this year we have decided that we are going to tackle one of this country’s most hated institutions. The Internal Revenue Service. And you might be thinking that facing an actual IRS auditor is the absolute worst thing in the world. But you know what? It really isn’t, after all, they are just here to help, like the Baymax robot in Big Hero 6. So what does the IRS do on an actual day to day basis? Well they mainly assist with checks, balances, and fraud. Of which there currently is a *LOT* of fraud. And things like, well, your paycheck are on the line. Especially if this happens!

The Internal Revenue Service (IRS) is warning about an uptick in phishing emails involving payroll direct deposit, wire transfer, and W-2 scams. The emails, which are primarily targeted to businesses, are not limited to a particular industry or employer though the IRS has received reports that tax preparers are among those affected.

Here’s how they typically work. The emails generally impersonate a real company employee, often an executive, and are sent to payroll or human resources (HR) personnel. The email asks the payroll or HR department to change the employee’s deposit for payroll purposes and provides a new bank account and routing number which, of course, leads to a bogus account operated by the scammer. By the time the deception has been discovered, the employee has lost one or two payroll deposits.

In another version, the emails impersonate a company executive and are directed to the company employee responsible for wire transfers. The email requests that a wire transfer be made to a bank account for company purposes, but is actually controlled by the scammer.

Yeah so the next time that you think you might be ripped off or a fraudster goes after your paycheck, thank the IRS! But people love to hate on the IRS, just ask the “Church” of Scientology! But you know too, what does the IRS think about a burgeoning industry that could soon be taxed and regulated? Yes, that industry!

The federal tax treatment of state-legal marijuana businesses makes no sense. As I used to tell staff who made "no sense" comments - That's not a requirement. That is the basis of Reilly's First Law of Tax Planning - It is what it is. Deal with it.

The problem is created by Code Section 280E

No deduction or credit shall be allowed for any amount paid or incurred during the taxable year in carrying on any trade or business if such trade or business (or the activities which comprise such trade or business) consists of trafficking in controlled substances (within the meaning of schedule I and II of the Controlled Substances Act) which is prohibited by Federal law or the law of any State in which such trade or business is conducted

Here is the schedule and you can see Marihuana and Marihuana Extract on Page 10. (Apparently spelling it with an "h" rather than a "j" was a thing back in the Reefer Madness days.)

I think the funniest thing about that clip is Krusty having to read that clip. But you know the IRS has rules for everything. But yeah, it’s funny how Trumpers are going insane about people crossing the border illegally, but they have absolutely no problems cheating on their taxes! So what happens when you get caught?

A Rockford man was indicted Tuesday by a federal grand jury on charges of federal tax fraud and interfering with internal revenue laws.

Michael Mendoza, 31, faces sixteen counts of making false claims on Internal Revenue Service.

Mendoza allegedly claimed tax refunds worth $356,844 that he was not entitled to between 2014 and 2016. According to the indictment, he allegedly made false representations on wages, income tax amounts, and withholding amounts.

Per the indictment, Mendoza electronically filed federal income tax returns for himself and in the names of other persons, causing refunds claimed to be deposited into bank accounts he owned and controlled.

Mendoza faces up to five years in prison and a $250,000 fine for each charge of a false IRS claim. He faces an additional three years in prison for attempting to interfere with the IRS administration.

Yeah so if you do get audited don’t be like Peter. And by the way, you should be thanking the IRS for protecting you from some hardcore scamming, not trying to destroy them. And yes if it can happen to me, it can happen to you or to anyone.

This Christmas season, the agency is speaking out about the scam and warning people not to fall victim.

IRS Spokesperson Clay Sanford said, "It happens to someone, probably once a week, somewhere." Sanford adds that many scammers pretending to be IRS employees make up fake badge numbers and even use threatening language. "They may already know something about you they may have done their homework ... we don't ask for bank account information we certainly won't threaten to put you in jail," he said.

Some of the callers even demand you pay them with gift cards. Sanford said, "We've seen scams wanting them to pay with iTunes gift cards. People have actually done this." If this happens to you, the IRS said hang up the phone and report it to the Inspector General at www.tigta.gov.

Sanford adds, it is highly unlikely you'll ever actually receive a call from the IRS. "It's not out of the realm of possibility to get a call from the IRS, we generally don't call people and ask for things like social security numbers," he said. Sanford says the main method of communication used by the IRS is the U.S. Postal Service. "It would probably be only when several mailed notices have gone ignored, that you might get an actual phone call from the IRS," he said.

[font size="6"]Score Card [/font]

Overall importance: A
How Things Are Going: C-
Likely hood To Survive: C+

Overall: B-

[font size="6"]Next Week [/font]

There is no next week, but when we come back on January 9th we’re going to take a look at the Department Of The Interior! Which is going just swimmingly from what I’ve heard!

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8”]30 Seconds To Mars[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen we have saved one of the best for last, I am super excited to have my next guest on, they have a new album called “America”. No tour dates yet but we will let you know. Playing their song called “Dangerous Night”, let’s give it up for 30 Seconds To Mars!!!!

Thank you very much everybody! This is the season finale for the Top 10! I want to thank my staff, my crew, my fans, everyone who has been keeping the Top 10 going throughout this crazy year. I also want to thank all my hosts, you were great! We will be taking a much deserved break, we’ll be back on January 9th, 2019 with a new edition live from Portland! See you next year!


Host: Initech
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of Live Audience At: UCB Theater Franklin St, Hollywood, CA
Special Thanks To: UCB Theater Management
Holy Shit Gospel Choir: UCLA Gospel Choir, Westwood
Images: All images copyright belongs to respective copyright holders.
Videos: All videos copyright belongs to respective copyright holders
Articles: All article content copyright belongs to respective copyright holders
Writing: Top 10 Writing Department
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Management: Initech Productions, CCC Management
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Initech Productions: Yes, We Got The Memo

Posted by Top 10 Idiots | Wed Dec 19, 2018, 05:00 PM (2 replies)
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