Matt Gaetz is saying: "On the contrary, I'm proud of my Military Legislative Assistant Derrick Miller, and I stand by his claims that he was unjustly convicted and imprisoned for war crimes. . . . After all, it's not like he shot an American!"




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Although close to truth, the above CAPTION is satire based on the following story in Crooks & Liars:

https://crooksandliars.com/2023/03/matt-gaetz-proud-his-honorable-war

Alan Dershowitz is saying: "So I told him to keep his mug shot and popularize it like Frank Sinatra did. He'll be on every college student's dorm room wall! . . . Bigger than Elvis! . . . Think of the crowds!"




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Above CAPTION is satirical but it's very close to what he actually said on the following clip at Crooks & Liars
:

https://crooksandliars.com/2023/03/dershowitz-tells-trump-sell-t-shirts-his

ex-Presidented ("Is my hair on straight?" ) Trump is saying: "Believe me, I love the Constitution more than anyone ever, probably even more than the guys who wrote it! . . . It's our guiding light and foundation. . . . It gives us both order and freedom. . . . And it makes us all Americans! . . . But when people use it to steal an election and to attack me in the fake news when I question it, they're weaponizing the most important document in our history! . . . And I'm not going to let that happen! . . . The rule of law is just too important!!!"

Vladimir Putin is saying "Is untrue I fall down stairs and soil self. A capitalist, imperialist lie. Bald face. I pretend fall down and tell rumors about accidental bowels in pants. Is to make imperialists think I am weak, not well in health, down in tooth, as stupid Americans say. But you see I am well. Strong. Like brave Russian forces in glorious victory against Nazis in so-called Ukraine, now mostly provenances of Russia. Reporters say different are ignorant mouth of liar."

Pete Hegseth is saying: "America's a republic, not a democracy, so all of this consternation about votes and election deniers is beside the point. Voting is like a opioid; it makes Democrats feel good as they go about stealing the country. But we're really a republic which means right thinking Republicans can simply take it back when they want. . . . And that time is now!"






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Above CAPTION satirizes Hegseth's diatribe against democracy this morning. I heard Tucker do the same several weeks ago. Is there a pattern? You bet. They are minimizing the import of the vote because they know Republicans will have to cast aside and steal elections in the future.

Ken ("Anyway, life is short" ) Paxton is saying: "Do you think those children at Ulvade were thinking about racial prejudice or their First Amendment rights? Maybe they were thinking about income inequality? Or prescription drug prices. . . Yeah, right! . . I know you know better than that. . . . They were thinking about how great it was to grow up in the greatest country that every existed where every person was free to own as many guns as they want. . . . They were thinking like Americans! . . . Besides, it's all God's plan."




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Above CAPTION is satire based on Paxton's most recent callousness as covered in Crooks and Liars:

https://crooksandliars.com/2022/06/texas-ag-ken-paxton-responds-uvalde

Pete Hegseth just finished saying: "Meanwhile, the so-called Jan. 6th Committee held a prime-time hearing last night to distract from inflation, immigration and crime. . . . And guess what, we've heard it all before!"

Ainsley Earhardt just finished saying: "And did you guys notice how one-sided it all was? Disgusting!"

Brian Kilmeade is saying: "Yeah, who is speaking up for the insurrectionists?"


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Caution: CAPTIONing at DU is creative, but this is not far from what was actually said this morning!

Steve Doocy just said: "Here at Fox, we think it's a sacred obligation to stand strong with our country especially now in its support of Ukraine, but saying Putin shouldn't remain in power or calling him a war criminal is both counter productive and needlessly vindictive."

Ainsley Earhardt just said: "Doesn't Joe Biden know the old rhyme, 'Sticks and stones may break my bones / but names will never hurt me'"?

Brian Kilmeade is saying: "Some people would say he forgot it due to cognitive decline."

Steve Doocy is about to say: "It could well be that, but maybe it's just one more show of weakness: you can't stand up against a bully, so you call him names while running away. . . . What a clown!"


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The above is satire (think SNL) but it's not far from reality. These jerks are ready for parody, so try your hand by providing a CAPTION.

Pete Hegseth is saying: "You're right Harris, Biden and the Squad are carpet-bombing America with deadly liberal policies and debilitating wokeness. . . . By comparison, Ukrainians have a walk in the proverbial park . . . Biden and his cronies should be brought up on war crime charges at the Hague."



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Above CAPTION (which is satire) is based on the following story, with a healthy clip) at Crooks and Liars:

https://crooksandliars.com/2022/03/hegseth-faulkner-biden-ukraine-wokeness

Pat Roberson saying: "Putin is actually God's instrument. When he pushes the red button, that will all be part of God's plan! . . . We should be joyous, not fearful. . . . Why doesn't anybody see that but me?"



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Above CAPTION based on the following Daily Beast story with a healthy clip:

https://www.thedailybeast.com/pat-robertson-insists-putins-compelled-by-god-to-invade-ukraine-to-kick-off-end-times