A school sought 50 men to stand in for absent fathers at 'Breakfast with Dads', nearly 600 showed up

[DonViejo]

By Valerie Strauss January 6


Hundreds attend “Breakfast with Dads” at Billy Earl Dade Middle School in Dallas on Dec. 14. (Stephanie Drenka)

Something somewhat extraordinary happened last month at Billy Earl Dade Middle School in Dallas.

The school — with a student population of nearly 900, about 90 percent from low-income families — planned to host its first “Breakfast with Dads,” according to the Dallas Morning News. About 150 male students, ages 11 to 13, signed up. But event organizers were concerned that some would attend without a male figure at their side, so they put out a call for volunteers who could serve as mentors.

“When a young person sees someone other than their teacher take interest in them, it inspires them. That’s what we want to see happen,” the Rev. Donald Parish Jr., pastor of True Lee Missionary Baptist Church and the event organizer, told the Morning News.

A call for volunteers by children’s advocate Kristina Chäadé Dove? — who has served on what is called a site-based decision-making team for the middle school — was published on social media in early December:

Link to tweet

When the day came for the event, nearly 600 men showed up to help and mentor the boys, some of them volunteering for the first time.

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https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/answer-sheet/wp/2018/01/06/a-school-sought-50-men-to-stand-in-for-absent-fathers-at-breakfast-with-dads-nearly-600-showed-up

[BigmanPigman]

1. San but true, and not in only poor communities!

I taught for over 15 years and this is the norm now. Teachers are surrogate parents now as well as wearing a zillion other hats every day, year after year.

[Guilded Lilly]

2. I absolutely loved this! These men were genuine, every day heroes.

[spooky3]

3. It does take a village. Nt

[George II]

12. Shhhhh, you're not supposed to say that, so goes the conservative story.

[spooky3]

19. Oopsy!

[50 Shades Of Blue]

4. What's the point of mounting an event so many attendees can't meet the criteria for?

Even though they meant well, I don't think it's a good idea to advertise for men whose pasts they have no knowledge of to fill such a sensitive need.

[lindysalsagal]

23. Most schools know this is really unfair and painful.

They should change it so 50 kids aren't disappointed.

[Anon-C]

26. Right! What if one of the kids had a dutiful father that could not make it due to work?

As a black father making ends meet for my children who are my life, I would be hurt if I was unable to attend such an event and the community at large then implied I was an absent father.

[handmade34]

5. Oh

this is good!

[leftstreet]

6. Ugh. Why are schools pushing 'family values' to begin with?

Kudos to those people who thought they were doing the right thing

But FFS. It's school, not church

[sprinkleeninow]

11. 🙄

[fescuerescue]

13. Why wouldn't they?

[Sophia4]

16. My neighbors who had no children mentored an entire family.

It was wonderful for everyone involved.

Love is to be shared. That's what the program is about.

[GulfCoast66]

21. Right. Fuck values like adults caring for children

That is so right wing.

Too bad I have to include this:

[mythology]

24. Because of the vast array of socio-economic disadvantages single parent households have

Kids from broken homes are more likely to have kids while still kids themselves, more likely to be poor, to not go to college, to start taking drugs etc.

[leftstreet]

25. Then how about a 'Breakfast With Neighbors' or 'Community'

You make my point for me

Reinforcing the negative stereotyping to kids without fathers risks perpetuating the behavior and consequences you're describing

[Dreamer Tatum]

31. You're right, kids should be assigned an apartment and a car at age 5

screw this "family" bullshit. All it ever did was make humankind viable since there was humankind, after all.

[Hortensis]

33. Fathering is not a right wing perversion, leftstreet.

[Victor_c3]

7. If I saw a request by a local school for something like this, I'd jump on it

Well, some of the above posters saw issue with the request (and I partially agree with them), but I believe the school and men who showed up meant well. Volunteerism and selfless service is a character trait that needs to be highlighted. A little time and effort on your part can mean the world to a person on the receiving end.

Then, being completely selfish, I know I feel really great about myself when I do something nice for someone else.

Kudos to the men who showed up and meant well!

[leanforward]

27. I'm with you on this.

These are young men. Help them, help them, and help them

[tblue37]

8. Very touching:

Link to tweet

/photo/1

[left-of-center2012]

9. Since they were male students ...

I guess Roy Moore didn't show up.

[bobbieinok]

10. You start with getting people to show up

Then you do follow up, get them on lists, work with them to see how they and you can use their strengths.

You do NOT immediately list all the potential problems and why this is a bad idea.

[GreenEyedLefty]

15. So much this.

I am the president of a booster parent group and the negativity I encounter makes it hard to wake up some mornings. It is literally like pulling teeth to get people to volunteer... so it is refreshing and does my heart a lot of good to see stories like this.

But what we do for our kids is 110% worth it, so we keep going.

[bobbieinok]

20. The negativity, esp here in DU answers, is against everything we as democrats claim to want

We want men to take responsibility for their community. We all know the depressing statistics of men and fathers missing from the lives of children. Isn't Obama part of a group working to increase participation of men, esp black men?

What's with this o so cool attitude that we don't need to help kids? And that because thr RW claims to be for family values the whole concept is stupid and of no value.

I just don't get the oblivious attitude some self-proclaimed progressives have to the well-being of individuals. And their apprent disregard for a human and humane world view. Esp towards children.

[Hortensis]

34. DU draws an disproportionate number of radicals to whom

reacting against what they see as mainstream liberal comes far more naturally than building with. Good leaders can bring out their good qualities, though, when they come along.

But then we also have the greeneyed lefties, naturally self directed for the best.

[druidity33]

29. Hear here! THIS! you must...

work for a non-profit or help solicit volunteers in some capacity. If you don't, you should. You seem to have already mastered one of the first steps in soliciting symbiosis.

[bobbieinok]

32. Thanks forvthe kind words. At almostb78 with rheumatoid arthritis I can only supportvfrom the sideli

I have paid attention since the 60s.

[Sophia4]

14. Beautiful!

I am so lucky in that my mother and father, though they weren't perfect, were pretty close to it. What a wonderful loving pair.

You know. There is nothing like having a mom and dad who will let you and your sisters and brothers crawl into bed with them and annoy them with all your squirming and noise on Saturday morning. I remember enjoying the affection of love of my mom and dad so much as a child.

I certainly wish every child could know what it is to be loved by parents who are patient and have self-control.

One wonderful thing about my parents was that they absolutely did not drink alcohol or smoke.

You have no idea what a difference it makes to grow up in a household with no alcohol and no tobacco. It means your parents focus on parenting and not on satisfying their own addictions or desires.

I don't mean to suggest that I am better than someone else. It's just that I feel so lucky to have had such loving, dedicated parents. I don't mean to hurt anyone else's feelings. They wouldn't have wanted me to do that.

I was by no means a perfect child.

[GreenEyedLefty]

17. You are incredibly fortunate.

I grew up in an environment that was rough around the edges but sadly typical for the time and place.

My husband grew up under similar circumstances. We have raised our kids differently - we're not perfect but we try.

Looking back, I truly believe that if my parents had only known better, they would have done better.

[IronLionZion]

18. "Men Needed!"

I never thought I would see that kind of statement on DU!

[smirkymonkey]

22. Very heartwaming!

I hope some of these men stick around to be mentors to these boys and be a positive influence in their lives.

[niyad]

28. after drying my eyes, I sent this to everyone I know. we need all the stories like this

that we can find.

[renate]

30. that's so lovely

I get so, so sad when I think about the negativity that seems to fuel everything that shows up in the evening news. This country seems to have become one neverending dogfight--even people who don't actively participate have to watch it, and it's horrible.

So stories like this really mean a lot. Thank you so much for sharing!