Just In: Donald Trump Announces Frat House Initiative
February 9, 2018
President Donald J. Trump will announce today, according to sources familiar with the matter, that a new sign will be going up on the front of the White House, which will become the first chapter of a new fraternity, Iota Eta Pi. Simultaneously, a revolving door will be installed for the West Wing, to accommodate new pledges as they stream in to replace former brothers. The new ??? fraternity will also be the location for a brand new reality show on the Fox Network, called "In 'n' Outa Pi," which will begin production immediately.
The President said, regard this initiative, "I was never rushed for a fraternity in my college days (where I excelled, believe me), but I have always admired all things Greek, so why not create a wonderful new national fraternity right here in the White House?" He continued, "Trust me on this: All the boys in my administration are tremendous, as you well know. I attract only the best boys (and girls, too, of course) due to my magnificent personality and vast power, so it's a natural thing. We're planning some wonderful parties and initiation ceremonies, too, believe me. But no hazing. Absolutely no hazing! I hate to say, but all fraternities are going to want to be just like ???."
Former President Barack Obama was unavailable for comment. When asked about Trump's fraternity decision, he collapsed on the floor, unable to catch his breath between peals of laughter. 2016 Candidate for President, Hillary Clinton, too, had to excuse herself suddenly for a call of nature when our reporter approached her for comment.
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