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Wed Apr 11, 2018, 01:19 PM

Furious Koch Brothers Sell Paul Ryan on eBay

Furious Koch Brothers Sell Paul Ryan on eBay

By Andy Borowitz 11:28 A.M.

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a fit of pique, David and Charles Koch have unceremoniously listed House Speaker Paul Ryan for sale on the auction site eBay.

The Kochs, who reportedly had purchased Ryan for a sum estimated in the tens of millions, now seem likely to lose their entire investment.

According to Ryan’s listing on the auction site, the Kochs set a five-hundred-dollar asking price for the used congressman, a figure that, in light of the tepid bidding for him, seems optimistic.

“Granted, owning Paul Ryan doesn’t have the benefits that it’s had for David and Charles for all of these years, but the status of owning a former Speaker of the House has to be worth something,” one Koch associate said. “Certainly more than the current high bid of seventeen dollars.”

The eBay listing suggested several possible uses for the former House Speaker, including as a Halloween ornament or garden gnome.

https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/furious-koch-brothers-sell-paul-ryan-on-ebay?mbid=nl_Borowitz%20041118%20Afternoon&CNDID=40254947&spMailingID=13293418&spUserID=MTgzNzEwODU0MzQxS0&spJobID=1380975479&spReportId=MTM4MDk3NTQ3OQS2

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Arrow 28 replies Author Time Post
Reply Furious Koch Brothers Sell Paul Ryan on eBay (Original post)
catbyte Apr 2018 OP
riversedge Apr 2018 #1
dweller Apr 2018 #2
Raster Apr 2018 #17
Eliot Rosewater Apr 2018 #3
smb Apr 2018 #19
dalton99a Apr 2018 #4
SonofDonald Apr 2018 #5
snowy owl Apr 2018 #6
Wwcd Apr 2018 #7
Gothmog Apr 2018 #8
barbtries Apr 2018 #9
FakeNoose Apr 2018 #12
NastyRiffraff Apr 2018 #10
yardwork Apr 2018 #21
not fooled Apr 2018 #24
NastyRiffraff Apr 2018 #28
LakeArenal Apr 2018 #11
usaf-vet Apr 2018 #13
erronis Apr 2018 #15
calimary Apr 2018 #14
Wounded Bear Apr 2018 #16
smb Apr 2018 #18
spooky3 Apr 2018 #26
trueblue2007 Apr 2018 #20
Cha Apr 2018 #22
betsuni Apr 2018 #23
lsewpershad Apr 2018 #25
Faux pas Apr 2018 #27

Response to catbyte (Original post)

Wed Apr 11, 2018, 01:22 PM

1. I am sure some repug will bid $18!

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Response to catbyte (Original post)

Wed Apr 11, 2018, 01:22 PM

2. Oscar Meyer has bid in ...

gonna stick his worthless butt back in the driver seat of the weinie mobile ...

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Response to dweller (Reply #2)

Wed Apr 11, 2018, 03:28 PM

17. How appropriate...

...a big weiner driving an even bigger weiner.

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Response to catbyte (Original post)

Wed Apr 11, 2018, 01:25 PM

3. BREAKING NEWS ! ! ! Not from the Onion! ! !

Vladimir Palin bids $501 to BUY NOW the former US House Leader, Paul Ryan, stating "hey, who knows, maybe we can have him clean the toilets around the Kremlin"


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Response to Eliot Rosewater (Reply #3)

Wed Apr 11, 2018, 03:31 PM

19. Sorry, Vlad...

...he only cleans the toilets that have already been cleaned by somebody else.

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Response to catbyte (Original post)

Wed Apr 11, 2018, 01:25 PM

4. Buyer feedback: "He sucks"

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Response to catbyte (Original post)

Wed Apr 11, 2018, 01:30 PM

5. Buyer feedback

Make sure you put air holes in the box because if you don't.....

Oh screw it, never mind.

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Response to catbyte (Original post)

Wed Apr 11, 2018, 01:31 PM

6. bid up a penny at a time?

Reagan, Bush, Trump, Ryan all wanted to lower their taxes. And they did. What is wrong with Americans?

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Response to catbyte (Original post)

Wed Apr 11, 2018, 01:37 PM

7. Haaahaaa..K & R

 

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Response to catbyte (Original post)

Wed Apr 11, 2018, 01:46 PM

8. I love good satire

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Response to catbyte (Original post)

Wed Apr 11, 2018, 01:50 PM

9. i love andy borowitz

but the kochs got their money's worth.

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Response to barbtries (Reply #9)

Wed Apr 11, 2018, 03:06 PM

12. Yes they got the tax breaks they paid for

Ryan was probably a bargain for them.

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Response to catbyte (Original post)

Wed Apr 11, 2018, 02:54 PM

10. A garden gnome!

It would be perfect, even though Jeff Sessions looks more like a gnome.

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Response to NastyRiffraff (Reply #10)

Wed Apr 11, 2018, 04:02 PM

21. That was my favorite part too.

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Response to NastyRiffraff (Reply #10)

Thu Apr 12, 2018, 12:21 PM

24. "Bashful"

with that hangdog look:

[link:|]

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Response to not fooled (Reply #24)

Thu Apr 12, 2018, 07:01 PM

28. Yes! That's our Paul n/t

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Response to catbyte (Original post)

Wed Apr 11, 2018, 02:59 PM

11. I wouldnt pay a dollar for that...

Even with free shipping.

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Response to catbyte (Original post)

Wed Apr 11, 2018, 03:07 PM

13. How about a fire hydrant. That should ensure some living creature will....

pi$$ on him every day.

Smiling at the thought!

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Response to usaf-vet (Reply #13)

Wed Apr 11, 2018, 03:18 PM

15. ++++ That's the ticket! Of course, worthless to the real Fire Department but good for dogs!

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Response to catbyte (Original post)

Wed Apr 11, 2018, 03:14 PM

14. My husband just said he wouldnt use Paul Ryan as a garden gnome.

Wouldn’t want to scare the worms! Particularly since Paul Ryan is LOWER than worms.

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Response to catbyte (Original post)

Wed Apr 11, 2018, 03:22 PM

16. $17...a prime number bid for a sub-prime product...

Sorry, couldn't resist the nerd humor.

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Response to catbyte (Original post)

Wed Apr 11, 2018, 03:29 PM

18. "Garden Gnome"?

"Purchased Paul Ryan for use as garden gnome. Thought I was purchasing Jeff Sessions. One star."

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Response to smb (Reply #18)

Thu Apr 12, 2018, 12:47 PM

26. :-)

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Response to catbyte (Original post)

Wed Apr 11, 2018, 03:34 PM

20. didnt know this was satire. i went looking on ebay for PAUL RYAN !!! HA HA HA

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Response to catbyte (Original post)

Thu Apr 12, 2018, 05:40 AM

22. All that $$$$$$$$$$$$$

$$$$$$$! Down the drain now, eh?

Does that mean scott walker gets more?

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Response to catbyte (Original post)

Thu Apr 12, 2018, 06:39 AM

23. LOL

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Response to catbyte (Original post)

Thu Apr 12, 2018, 12:35 PM

25. Funny

but not far from the truth.

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Response to catbyte (Original post)

Thu Apr 12, 2018, 01:16 PM

27. Lol

I'm sure they'll get their pound of flesh.

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