THIS is what intolerance looks like, imagine how it feels...

[kpete]

Father's Letter Disowning Gay Son James After Coming Out Goes Viral

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/08/07/father-letter-disowning-gay-son_n_1752053.html

[phantom power]

1. My neighbors disowned their gay son.

I'll never understand it.

[dixiegrrrrl]

69. 2 of my brothers disowned my 3rd brother when he came out.

Guess which one I still speak to???

[phantom power]

70. Anymore, I find myself thinking...

life is so short, and uncertain, and frequently tragic, even when we're all trying our best to be kind to each other.

This kind of thing is just so damn sad. And unnecessary. People never speaking to each other again. When they aren't literally killing each other. For what??

[a la izquierda]

98. THankfully he still has you. NT

[Occulus]

134. My parents literally threw me out into the rain.

it took them a year or so to get around to revoking my school funds "because my grades had become so poor". Funny how becoming homeless at the hands of one's own parents, and effectively losing the love of those same parents, does that.

No, for the record, I never went back to school. They pretty much killed every hope and dream I had for myself. I also had no support network- all my friends were at school.

I hated myself for the next fifteen years or so. And yes... it still hurts, like a knife in my back.

This thread is too painful to read right now. I might post here again later... but I doubt it

[yardwork]

138. I'm so sorry that that happened to you, Occulus.

[DontTreadOnMe]

2. How can a parent be so mean to his own child?

It should be labeled a mental disorder. Good for the son to publish the letter.

[The Doctor.]

29. Deliberate ignorance.

There are still too many stupid people.... and too little funding of good education.

[Whisp]

51. combine intolerance, meaness and the Bible

and you get a toxic mix that is thicker than family love.

It's disgusting, isn't it?
How can a parent let go of their sweet baby for that reason?

guess there are all kinds of crazies in this world.

[Scootaloo]

57. For some people, hate is more valuable than love n/t

[nc4bo]

3. Ugly stuff.

I hope he never EVER needs his son for anything ever again and his son goes on to find happiness without carrying someone else's stinking baggage.

No one deserves or needs this type of person in their lives.

damn.

[MattBaggins]

125. I hope he finds himself in great need one day

and that his "prodigal" son is the one there for him. I hope he has a change of heart and finds room for his son.

[gollygee]

4. This makes me cry

How could someone be so horrid to their own kid? I have kids. I can't even imagine. I will be happy to see my children grow up and fall in love. I will be happy with any kind, gentle, respectful person they love and who loves them back. Beyond that, I'm wouldn't care. And even if I DID care, I can't imagine so horribly turning my back on someone I love so much.

[Jeff In Milwaukee]

12. Same here...

Wouldn't you want your child to be loved rather than miserable and alone? What motivates these people?

It's not like his kid came out as a Republican...

[RT_Fanatic]

39. I'm sure that would have been OK n/t

[Chorophyll]

35. +1

[Bertha Venation]

105. + 1

[physioex]

5. I could never see this from a gay perspective....

But straight people also have similar issues with family members. And in some ways it is not a bad thing to sever your relationship with one or more family members. It means you can move on and live your life to your liking. I am not naive enough to think family relationships are unconditional.

[skydive forever]

44. walked away from my family

25 years ago, and never looked back. It was the hardest thing I've ever done, and sadly, the best thing I've ever done. And you're right physioex, it had nothing to do with anyones sexuality.

[physioex]

72. Right On...EOM

[CoffeeCat]

93. I did the same thing

I asked my parents for accountability and an apology for horrendous abuse that happened in our family. I received nothing but denials and attacks on me--for daring to speak the truth. I haven't spoken to them since. I consider that day, a day of liberation. Life is too short. I don't care if someone is related to you--if they are abusive and make you feel horrible--then they do not deserve a relationship with you.

This bigoted, hateful "father" who wrote that letter was doing his son a favor. His son deserves love, kindness and respect. I hope he is able to heal and graduate to a better life without this terrible force dragging him down. Imagine being raised by this unfeeling, hateful person. In the end, this break will be the road to freedom and peace for the son--but the father will remain the man who rejected his son due to his hate and bigotry.

[azurnoir]

45. I had close to the same thing happen in the 70's

Last edited Tue Aug 7, 2012, 07:53 PM - Edit history (1)

I am not Gay but I did marry a Black man and it was my Mother not my Father who was the perp, she went as far as to claim to her family that I was a prostitute with a ni**er pimp and drug addicted as well, she had no no idea of my where abouts or whether or not I was even alive, of course it was all a lie she told me that they had disowned me because of my marriage also a lie, it was not found out until after she died a few years ago

I can not imagine doing something like that to my own children

eta people who do these kind of things to their own children are abusers they are either mentally or emotionally ill and usually need to validate themselves at others expense, it is painful but in the long run hopefully this man will realize his father wasn't much of a loss either

[physioex]

74. Good for you, standing up for your beliefs....EOM

[d_r]

66. I also could never see this from a gay perspective

but I can see it from a father's perspective and from a son's perspective and I absolutely can not fathom it.

[physioex]

73. That is the sad state of affairs.....

Not much can be done.

[MotorCityMan]

91. I can see this from a gay perspective

And what that father needs to realize is that his son is the same person he always known since he was born, he just knows more about him now.

I am all choked up reading that. I've known guys who were kicked out of their families and disowned, just for being gay.

Makes me grateful that my strongly Catholic (although democrats and liberal) parents were able to accept me when they found I was gay back in '83. That lovely letter was exactly why I did not want to come out to my parents.

[d_r]

99. it chokes me up too

I can't imagine living with that sort of fear and hurt.

[Tikki]

6. If you've ever lost a child, then you know why I would shake that father through my tears...

I would give anything.....




Tikki

[physioex]

8. These are the consequences...

When people like Huckabee rally the troops to go eat a chicken sandwich.

[coalition_unwilling]

87. I hold no warrant for the arch-conservative Huckabee, but I must say in his

defense that I do not believe he would ever endorse a parent disowning a child for his or her sexual orientation.

If I'm wrong, I will gladly admit it. But I believe Huckabee's theology is to "Hate the sin, love the sinner" not "disown the sinner."

[physioex]

88. Yea....

But the people he riles may even be more extreme. It's like this, Michelle Bachmann talks about Muslims infiltrating the government with no proof, but she would be against violence.

[coalition_unwilling]

89. You know, I disagree with Huckabee on just about every thing that matters. But I'll bet if he

were asked whether he endorses disowning one's children over their sexual orientation, he's enough of a straight-shooter that he would issue an unequivocal 'no' and not engage in coded dog whistling.

But I may have mis-read his character. He was the Repig I was most afraid of in 2008 and in 2012. I'm glad he's not running this year.

[physioex]

90. I am not impressed by the new wave....

Of softie conservatives like Huckabee and Rick Warren. They give about this gentle aura, but underneath are just as hateful as their predecessors.

[HiPointDem]

95. +1

[msanthrope]

120. Read up on Wayne DuMond and Mike Huckabee. You will never, ever doubt the

depth of his hatred and depravity again.

[coalition_unwilling]

146. The name Wayne DuMond does not ring a bell. Actually, I may have seen or heard it somewhere, but

it passed me by in a blink.

Anything in particular I should be looking for or just a garden-variety google search?

[msanthrope]

150. HEre---

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wayne_DuMond#Arkansas_parole_controversy

Huckabee decided to believe the right-wing rantings regarding Bill Clinton and impeachment, and put a rapist/murderer out on the street to demonstrate his disgust with Clinton--here's an archive of articles from the NY Post.

http://williamtheimpeached.com/clintons-biggest-crime/

And a good synopsis--

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2007/12/07/how-anticlinton-zealots-p_n_75833.html

[coalition_unwilling]

155. Thanks for links, will review in detail later today. The name

sounded vaguely familiar but I just couldn't attach a specific memory to it.

Thanks again.

[HangOnKids]

27. {{{{{HUG}}}}}

I almost lost my oldest Son 6 years ago and I still cry when I think what might have been. I am so lucky, sorry for your loss Tikki.

[Chorophyll]

37. ((((((((Tikki))))))))

[proud patriot]

56. (hug)

[Tikki]

80. Hugs right back to you all....it is always there..

A pitiful excuse of a man like this father brings it raring out in frustration...
How dare he squander that relationship.
James can come be the love and pride of another family.
Many families would be proud to call him son. I wish James only LOVE.


Tikki

[MJkcj]

81. many hugs Tikki

I almost lost a child. I still vividly remember how it felt. My heart goes out to you Tikki.
As for the father who wrote that letter... I think his heart must be made of stone.

[mrs_p]

107. choking up

I'm sorry.

[FourScore]

112. There are no words...

{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}

[barbtries]

116. me too.

anything at all.

[Tikki]

117. Hugs sweetie....

and time goes on...


Tikki

[quinnox]

7. holy shit

I'm speechless.

[alfredo]

9. Republican Christians are lying about Homosexuality being a lifestyle choice.

[ldf]

79. be honest... which of the following is a choice?

gender
race
sexual orientation
religion

the first three results can be exclusive, or a mixture (even gender), decided before birth, by factors one can't control.

but the last one is, exclusively, a lifestyle choice.

as i have posted before.... the lyrics to "you have to be carefully taught", from south pacific...

You've got to be taught
To hate and fear
You've got to be taught
From year to Year
It's got to be drummed
in your dear little ear
You've got to be carefully taught

You've got to be taught
To be Afraid
Of people whose eyes
are oddly made
And people whose skin
Is a different shade
You've got to be carefully taught

You've got to be taught
Before it's too late
Before you are 6 or 7 or 8
To hate all the people
your relatives hate
You've got to be carefully taught

[alfredo]

86. You said that so well.

[WillyT]

10. Shame On "Dad"

[Warren DeMontague]

11. Ugh.

That's just heartbreaking.


I wouldn't disown my kids even if they came home and told me they were Republicans.

[Jeff In Milwaukee]

14. Well.....

All right, I guess I still have to accept them.

But they're eating at the damn kid's table at Thanksgiving and I don't CARE how old they are!

[Wait Wut]

22. "...even if they came home and told me they were Republicans."

Heh. Mine did. I changed his mind. Mama knows best, even more than a 30 yr. old Marine.

[Strega Ribiera]

13. Truly pathetic!

I would never do this to my child.

[reflection]

15. And some wonder why suicides are so high

how could any father do this? It's incomprehensible. How must it feel to be rejected by your own parent?

[LeftofObama]

16. What a horrible, horrible man.

There are no words to describe what I feel for that "father".

[Scuba]

17. He's better off without that dipshit.

[truebrit71]

18. What an asshole....James is better off without him...

...now he knows he won't have to spend the rest of his life trying to get his approval...

[ejpoeta]

130. you are right. and that letter says more about the father than it does the kid.

I hope the kid knows that he doesn't owe anything to his father. It is in his father's court to fix this.

[sarcasmo]

19. The hatred is beyond belief when a father rights this kind of letter.

[Wait Wut]

20. Holy fuck.

James, whomever and wherever you are, I hope you're handling this okay. Your father was obviously raised a bigoted, hateful person. It is not a reflection on you or your 'lifestyle'. It is his own cross to bear and I'm sure it will torture him the rest of his days. Good.

See the love in the world, James, and forgive your father for your own sake. Don't let him teach you to hate.

This goes out to all the James and Janes of the world that have received, or will receive, such a coldhearted response from a parent. As a mother, your parents are wrong. A parents love should be unconditional and unwavering. If it isn't, it is NOT because of you!

It may not mean much, but I love you all...unconditionally.

[GardeningGal]

21. Oh, how sad.

I hope James has a strong group of loving friends that can help him heal. I can't imagine how a parent can do this.

[slackmaster]

23. Sad. I hope the dad some day realizes the destructive nature of the attitude that he has chosen.

[cali]

24. One can't help but wonder if there's a bullied

mom in the picture or if she's like dad. what about siblings?

that father is a horror show.

[Le Taz Hot]

25. That's one of the saddest things

I've ever read. It's hard to believe that a parent could be so cold hearted to put ideology over their own child.

I hope James find the love, understanding and acceptance he deserves.

[sarisataka]

26. I agree with the article that the signature is wrong

this... person is not worthy of calling himself Dad.

[1StrongBlackMan]

28. Shortly after Dad’s passing, he finds a note tacked to the Pearly Gates:

Dad:

This is a difficult but necessary letter to write. I hope your appearance here was not to receive my blessing for the degrading of my Great Commission to Love thy neighbor and show compassion in all ways. I have fond memories of our times together, but that is all in the past.

Don’t expect any further conversations with me. No communication at all.

I will not come visit you, nor do I want you in my Kingdom.

You’ve made your choice though wrong it may be. I did not intend for this unnatural use of my word.

I want you to know that I did not attend your funeral, nor will I attend those of your friends and family that understood and supported your treatment of one of my children.

Have a good trip and pack for hot weather.

The presents of Grace that I offered you were not accepted.

Goodbye,

GOD

[gollygee]

30. Brilliant

[sarisataka]

31. Love it

[Chorophyll]

38. Well done!

[murray hill farm]

55. That dad already lives in hell!

a hell he has built and designed for himself. God is love, they say...and hell is the turning away from love....this guy fits the bill.
I hope this son can walk away from this knowing that his fathers hate and his choice reflect not at all on the son. His words only serve to discribe who he is and the hell he has chosen as his life.

[1StrongBlackMan]

60. I don't know if you intended it; but ...

I hope this son can walk away from this knowing that his fathers hate and his choice reflect not at all on the son.

That sentence could also read:

I hope this son can walk away from this knowing that his fathers hate and his choice reflect not at all on The Son, i.e., Jesus the Christ.

[Care Acutely]

85. Beautiful! I may have to borrow that, if ya don't mind :-)

[Bertha Venation]

106. Excellent. Thank you, Strong Black Man.

I don't know you, but

[FourScore]

113. Perfect. n/t

[yardwork]

32. Some minister put those words in that father's mind.

Some "religious leader" basically wrote those words.

[Lint Head]

33. Bigotry is sad and dangerous to life and family.

[Chorophyll]

34. That is a f*cking horrible thing for a parent to write to a child.

It's just not even human.

[Initech]

36. This dad is a complete fucking coward.

[MrMickeysMom]

40. I think of the message and remember the sharing of this poem by my mother

The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ,
Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit
Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line,
Nor all your Tears wash out a Word of it

-- Omar Khayyam

[liberallibral]

41. Very Sad...

[a la izquierda]

42. James, wherever you are...

here's an invitation to come join my family. We are open, accepting, and loving. My grandparents accepted my mom and her partner. You'd have love, good meals, and though it wouldn't be the same, you'd be accepted too.

I cry for this guy.

[ZombieHorde]

43. Sad. nt

[mike dub]

46. Maybe this dad should have "come to visit" his son one more time...

...so he could say all this to his son's face. Tough to think that a parent would say this in a letter, and not tell it to their child
in-person. Mega-Ouch.

[ejpoeta]

131. he's a chicken shit. couldn't even say it to the kid's face.

[McCamy Taylor]

47. Dad may be in the closet. That's a lot of hate. And most people hate themselves first

and then project it onto others.

[gollygee]

48. Straight people are very capable of that much hate. (n/t)

[Lex]

62. Thank you saying that. I get tired of the excuses

for straight people---"he must really be gay because he's so mean to homosexuals!"

[Posteritatis]

114. The "all homophobes are probably gay" thing is getting a little old. (nt)

[Sick of the GOP]

49. I recently came out to my RW dad

Amazingly, he was understanding.

As for the loser who write this letter to his son, I hope his son goes on to become famous or super rich or whatever and when "Dad" suddenly wants back into his life, he throws him to the streets.

[VOX]

52. That's terrific -- all respect for you and your dad!

My big brother is gay, so I understand how difficult it can be to work things out in the family. It's great that your dad can put aside RW politics and understand that you are who you are -- his beloved son who happens to be gay.

And welcome to DU!

[Sick of the GOP]

143. Thanks for the welcome

.

[Tikki]

124. HI ...and Welcome to DU...

We really are the big tent here...and brilliant, I may say...



Tikki

[Sick of the GOP]

144. Thanks for the welcome

.

[yardwork]

133. Welcome to DU!

[Sick of the GOP]

145. Thank you

(Hope I'm not violating any rules by telling everyone who welcomes me "thanks," I just like to return politeness)

[yardwork]

157. That's fine. A lot of us do that. No problem at all.

There aren't that many rules on DU. They are listed in the Terms of Service link at the bottom of every page.

[azurnoir]

50. It seems the thing about these kind of people (the Father) is that feeling right and superior

is more important to them than their children who apparently are simply baggage to be discarded for 'misbehaving'

[TrogL]

61. It's the same logic as honor killing

[Freddie]

53. When my kids were teenagers

We told them that *no matter what* they were always our kids and loved unconditionally.
Our neighbors son was terrified to come out to his Catholic parents; the folks were totally accepting and welcome his boyfriend at holidays.

[proud patriot]

54. just awful

[LibDemAlways]

58. I cannot begin to imagine the pain the son felt

when he received this rejection. It is beyond cruel. My heart breaks for him.

[Marr]

59. Don't worry-- he'll want to reestablish contact when he's old and infirm and WANTS something.

These are the same people who turn around and expect help from their disowned children later. I've seen it myself.

[naturallyselected]

63. Still hope

It's not likely, but there's still hope. My wife's Catholic father wrote a similar note to her brother when he came out to his father. Her brother never gave up, and little by little, their dad let him back into his life. He eventually accepted his son and his partner, and let them know they were always welcome in his house. The son spent many, many days at his father's bedside after the dad's terminal cancer diagnosis. The son even was given his dad's treasured automobile when he decided he couldn't drive any longer. Such a letter can come from a lack of understanding, and not necessarily from hate. I hope James leaves the door open, just a crack, despite the terrible hurt.

[Lex]

64. If James does leave the door open just a bit . . .

he's a better man than his father could ever hope to be.

[naturallyselected]

68. Agreed

I agree - and sometimes seeing a better man is the example a closed mind needs to start opening up. I know it doesn't happen often, but it's only possible if the lines of communication are left open, somehow.

[derby378]

65. I can't say that my father actually disowned anyone for being gay, but...

...back in the 70s, one of his childhood friends pulled up stakes and moved to San Francisco, writing to all of his friends back home that he was gay. I don't think Billy and my father ever exchanged another word. Sadly, I think Billy died from AIDS sometime during the 80s.

That letter in the OP reads like a Scientology disconnection letter. If that guy's mother was alive at the time he got disowned, I can't help but think how she would have reacted instead of her husband.

[4th law of robotics]

67. I would think disowning a child would be more unnatural and degrading than anything the

kid does in the bedroom (well ok, maybe not anything, but in this case).

[TheAmbivalante]

71. I can imagine what it felt like...

... picking up a piece of paper. Recognizing your father's handwriting. A note from dad. Maybe he was writing to say that he had been too judgmental. Or maybe there had been harsh words in the heat of the moment.

And a note is usually a good thing. A way for someone to communicate clearly--to organize their thoughts. And maybe to open up a little. Maybe a first step toward patching things... trying to reconcile feelings.

Maybe this was a note from dad saying that he didn't agree with his son's "lifestyle" but loved him just the same.

Then to read this.

There's a feeling in the world that is uniquely painful. And it comes from the ones you love and trust most.
The combination of despair and betrayal and emptiness. Feeling lost. Cut off.

Alone.

Hopefully, few of us will ever feel what this young man did.

And no one will feel that being a strong father means a perverted belief that a loving god is actually a vengeful one, one that would sanctify profoundly hurtful acts like these.

[JoePhilly]

75. "Dad" blames himself for his son being gay ... and rather than deal with reality,

"Dad" cuts off his son, so as to distance himself from what he sees as his own failure.

"Dad" is trying to put distance between himself from his "failure". Its irrational, but since he knows he can't change his son, he thinks his only choice is to create distance from the "error" because he can't "fix it".

"Dad" hates himself, hates his own failure, and his son reminds him of his failure. And so he pushes his son away.

The son should respond and let his father know that his being gay is not the father's failure, but a natural event. There is no one to blame because there is no failure, no error, that needs to be fixed.

Dad won't be ready to hear this for a long time. But its the truth. And the son might as well tell the father this truth even if its his last communication before going to the father's funeral. Send it to mom and any siblings too. They'll probably get it before Dad does.

[spotlight]

76. If he could reject him now,

was there really ever any love?? It makes you wonder if the father has any humanity at all.

[DirkGently]

77. "What is wrong with people?" doesn't being to cover it.

[Ikonoklast]

78. James never had a real Dad to begin with.

He may have had a biological father, but the person that called himself "Dad" in that letter is an impostor.


A real Dad would never give up his love for his children, ever. There is almost no reason big enough to tturn away from your own, no matter what they do.

James can now move forward with his life.

[HughBeaumont]

82. Must be nice to have other people do your thinking for you.

That's exactly what's going on here. That fucker.

This is the precise reason why I stopped laughing at all fundies and their cults and began to regard them as dangerously influential instead. Fundamentalpatients are an embarrasment.

[Zax2me]

83. I've read about so many here 'disowning' RW relatives.

I hope they read this.

[Occulus]

122. The two aren't even in the same galaxy of meaning

unless you think sexual orientation is a choice, or political affiliation is an inborn trait.

Take. It. Back.

[yardwork]

132. Link?

Do you have a link to a post in which a parent disowns their child because the child became a Republican? Says that they never want to talk to them again and don't bother to attend the funeral? I've never seen such a post on DU and I've been here a while.

I await your response.

[Downtown Hound]

136. The major difference being that being RW actually is a choice

Last edited Wed Aug 8, 2012, 07:16 PM - Edit history (1)

A choice to be hateful, ignorant, warmongering, and stupid. Disowning somebody based embracing wretched policies is not the same thing as disowning somebody because of who they love.

[Selatius]

152. Sorry, but you're conflating being born gay with choosing to be a Republican.

There's no parity at all here. I don't know anybody who is gay who "chose" that lifestyle, specifically because being gay is a life sentence of misery and pain for many people. If it were a real choice, people would avoid that misery.

[Zorra]

84. What a pathetic loser. Here's what totally awesome dads do ~

&feature=player_embedded

[frogmarch]

92. A neighbor woman of mine in Wyoming

said that she'd rather see her son dead than gay. I thought she was okay until she said that.

[RZM]

94. Hate to be a wet blanket but . . .

Do we have confirmation that this particular letter is genuine? Do we know the names of the people involved? Has anybody talked to them on the record? If it is genuine, is it recent, or does it date from many years ago? I only ask because we've been burned on this type of story before, notably the 1 percent tip thing last year.

Please don't be angry at me for asking these questions, but I'm skeptical of these types of stories without confirmation from the parties involved.

Whether or not the letter is genuine, obviously this kind of thing does happen and that's the real issue. But thankfully, I'm pretty sure it happens a lot less now than it did just one generation ago.

But that also feeds my skepticism about this particular letter. Even the most anti-gay parents would find it difficult to trump their instincts and disown a child. And it's also possible that this letter was written in a moment of passion and that things calmed down not long after. When my uncle came out in the 1970s, my grandparents were initially hostile, but in short order things were worked out and relationships returned to normal. And the child posting it also raises issues. Why would they decide to make this matter public? That act speaks to disinterest in reconciliation and I find that less likely than a desire for a child to maintain a relationship with their parents. Perhaps this was also posted in a moment of anger, which would be understandable, of course.

Maybe it is the real deal. I'd like to think it is, but this is the internet we're talking about and there's a lot of dubious stuff that shows up on websites.

But like I said, real or not, this kind of thing does happen. And I'm happy that it's happening less and less as society moves towards full acceptance of the LGBT community.

[Warren DeMontague]

97. According to the article:

Reddit user RegBarc, who uploaded the image of the letter, says the letter was written five years ago after he came out as gay to his father. "It's important to know just what this zealotry from Bryan Fischer, Maggie Gallagher, Dan Cathy, et al., does to everyday people," he noted. "I've never done drugs, was an excellent student, an obedient child (far less trouble than many of my classmates), didn't drink until I was 22 because it terrified me, and have had just 1 speeding ticket in my life," he noted. "Yet I am still seemingly deserving of this terrible act of hate and cowardice that one person can place on another."

That answers at least one of your questions: Five years ago. Certainly I hope this sort of thing is happening less, although it shouldn't happen at all, obviously.

[Zorra]

108. Thanks so much for your concern. nt

[yardwork]

121. How do you know that it's happening less and less? For all we know it is happening more.

Whether this particular letter is genuine or not, there are thousands and thousands of people who have received very real letters just like this when they came out to their parents. There are children living on the streets because their parents kicked them out of the house for being gay. Check out the Ali Forney Center in NYC. http://www.aliforneycenter.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=cms.page&id=1006

[RZM]

126. There's no way to know for sure. I don't think that data is collected on this type of thing

But I do know that society is moving toward greater acceptance of the LGBT community. Not everybody is on board with that and perhaps some groups are moving in the opposite direction. But overall, I think we're making progress. It's my belief that parents are less likely to disown a gay child than they were a generation or two ago. I have no data to back this up . . . it's just my gut feeling.

[Bluenorthwest]

140. Data is collected on 'that sort of thing'.

40% of homeless youth are GLBT. Of those, 89% were either thrown out or ran away because of family rejection of their sexual identity. Study is from last month.
http://thinkprogress.org/lgbt/2012/07/12/515641/study-40-percent-of-homeless-youth-are-lgbt-family-rejection-is-leading-cause/?mobile=nc

Here's some similar information from the UK, just to keep this international and to emphasize the point that 'this sort of thing' is in fact a subject of great attention from some good people.
http://www.nationalhomeless.org/factsheets/lgbtq.html

[RZM]

142. Why the disapproving quote marks?

BTW I said 'this type of thing' not 'that sort of thing.' But that's a minor quibble.

Now that you mention it, I think I have seen data similar to what you showed. But my argument was that it happens less now. In order to disprove that, we would need data from the past. Of course, I would need that to prove my argument as well. So maybe there's no way to know for sure

But I've got to think that increasing tolerance is making this phenomenon rarer. Maybe it isn't, but I think it probably is.

[Major Nikon]

96. Without exception the most important job any man can have is being a father

With one act this man has failed that job miserably. As such HE is a complete failure. Nothing else he accomplishes before or after this will change that.

[Missycim]

100. I really hope

that this letter is truly a fake, cause I cant think of someone being so evil as to write this.

[Bertha Venation]

109. Whether it's a real letter or a hoax,

this kind of thing happens every day. Imagine the evil. It's here among us.

[BlueToTheBone]

101. May the old man die alone

and forgotten by all his kin.

[jillan]

104. Amen!!!

[kestrel91316]

102. Just more of that unconditional love Jesus preached about.....

[4th law of robotics]

111. It's funny; no where in the Bible does Jesus advocate shunning people because you disapprove of them

Not a once.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

118. Doesn't your bible say these things? Jesus hated just about everyone.

Jesus says that entire cities will be violently destroyed and the inhabitants thrust down to Hell for not receiving his disciples. --Matthew 10: 10-15

Families will be torn apart because of Jesus (this is one of the few "prophecies" in the Bible that has actually come true). "Brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death." Matthew 10:21

Jesus says that we should fear God who is willing and "able to destroy both soul and body in hell." Matthew 10:28

Jesus says that he has come to destroy families by making family members hate each other. He has "come not to send peace, but a sword." Matthew 10:34-36

Jesus condemns entire cities to dreadful deaths and to the eternal torment of hell because they didn't care for his preaching. Matthew 11:20-24

Jesus will send his angels to gather up "all that offend" and they "shall cast them into a furnace of fire: there shall be wailing and gnashing of teeth." Matthew 13:41-42, 50

Jesus is criticized by the Pharisees for not washing his hands before eating. He defends himself by attacking them for not killing disobedient children according to the commandment: "He that curseth father or mother, let him die the death." (See Ex.21:15, Lev.20: 9, Dt.21:18-21) So, does Jesus think that children who curse their parents should be killed? It sure sounds like it. Matthew 15:4-7
-------
Jesus did not actually exist, so this hateful shit doesn't matter anyway. It's all lies allegedly said by a mythical person.

[JNelson6563]

154. For some reason those parts go unread.

Or un-noticed.

Julie

[Manifestor_of_Light]

158. The Bible is a bunch of superstitious crap.

[hamsterjill]

103. My daughter.

There is absolutely NOTHING she could ever do that could make me write some stupid letter like this. I love her unconditionally and I simply cannot imagine any other parent not feeling exactly the same way.

The loss here is the father's - - - he's giving up the love and companionship of the son he is pushing away. The father is an idiot!

[mrs_p]

110. I don't think this "dad" ever loved his son

One of my closest friends (and my daughter's godfather) was raised in a very mormon family. He came out to his parents a few years back. It was hard to reconcile their beliefs, but LOVE prevailed. They have whole-heartedly embraced their baby for who he is and have even accepted his ex-partner as another member of the family. His mormon sister in law has even tried to set him up.

Why? Because they love him and want him to be happy. That is what a true family does.

James - I'm sure you know this, but family doesn't have to be blood. I hope you have found your true family.

[yawnmaster]

135. I believe you are correct. eom

[barbtries]

115. where is the love?

[MountainMama]

119. OK, deep breath....

This is happening in my family RIGHT NOW. I've been debating talking about it here, but this seems to be the perfect place.

I was raised Church of Christ. I've had my own struggles with my family over the years. My mom found out I was sexually active before I was married and I've been divorced twice. I also had the temerity to move away from the area. In some ways, I've been walking on pins and needles with my mom since I was 22 or so. No one calls me (except for one sister occasionally) and since I left the immediate area, I've been visited by family exactly never. However, I refuse to let the relationships die. They will have to issue the proclamation that I'm no longer welcome.

This brings me to my youngest nephew. He came out to all of us shortly before his 18th birthday. My youngest sister, who has went from the laughing, sparkling girl I knew to a holier-than-thou, solemn woman over the past five years, told him "he could stay until he graduated, then he had to get out." He moved in with his dad a few days before his graduation.

My family, and most of my sister's ex-in-laws, have fallen in line. My other sister told someone she thought my nephew was on drugs. He's never done drugs in his life. He's never been in any serious trouble in his life. Our aunt, when he told her (and he had been her favorite all his life), quit listening to him speak and made mean comments. She won't even talk to him now. When I went back home for his graduation, my parents referred to him in tones more suited to a serious criminal. My dad hid their spare key so my nephew wouldn't be able to get into their house. (In related news, I had asked my mom for a house key in the period of time before I permanently moved out of there. She refused.)

If my nephew does comes around, he can't bring any boyfriends or even talk about "gay stuff." His older brother (who's only 24) has gone all fire and brimstone on him and on ME for supporting him. He accused me of helping his brother be gay, or more gay somehow, because I support him.

They all firmly believe he's chosen to be gay. I tried talking to his mother after we all found out. In exasperation, I said, "Do you honestly believe he's chosen to be gay?" There was a pause and she said, "I just know he needs to get out of my house."

The other day he posted on Facebook, "My family tells me they love me for who I am, but half of them went to Chick-Fil-A for the anti-gay stuff. SMFH." It broke my heart.

[yardwork]

123. Thank you for posting this. People need to know.

As you can see by some of the responses in this thread, some people don't realize how often this really happens.

Bless you for supporting and loving your nephew. He needs your love. Too many young gay people commit suicide, and it's obvious why that happens. The love and comfort of just one member of the family can make the difference.

[MountainMama]

137. Thank you.

When all the Chick-Fil-A stuff was going down, I shared a sign on Facebook. It was the one that said "This chicken tasted better before I found out it was basted in hate and homophobia."

My SIL (on my husband's side) asked what was going on. I told her and said I was for gay rights and being a gay person was between them and the Lord.

My mother posted "Who raised you"? I just let it go.

Later I thought, "You did, but I didn't want to be bitter and judgmental like you so I got an open mind." I would never say that to her, though.

[yardwork]

139. Thank you for hanging in there for your nephew.

I hope that you are blessed many times in return. I believe that you will be.

[MountainMama]

151. Bless you....

you're very kind.

[jeff47]

148. My recommendation is to say it to her.

Kid gloves are just going to perpetuate the situation.

[virgogal]

127. Why would it have been released and allowed to go viral? I don't get it.

[jeff47]

149. Because it's 5 years later, and James lives with his boyfriend who's an activist.

The boyfriend posted it, with James's permission.

[ejpoeta]

128. so then god does make mistakes? i thought he didn't.

and if they believe in god then they should accept that god made this boy too. so to disown their son is to disown god.

[LibAsHell]

129. Hopefully, when he is on his death bed (or before then)

This ignorant, provincial, Bible-banging fool will realize what a huge mistake he made.

[Blue_Tires]

141. He's better off without that asshole father in his life...

[DeSwiss]

147. Dear ''Dad''

Seeing how you're on such great terms with God and you know what he intended for your son to be (a plain and ''naturally manly-man'' like yourself, of course), here's a little something from your bible to think about -- you know something for you and God to discuss the next time you see him. I'm sure Jesus will love explaining to you what he meant by this one:

Luke 1 - 11 thru 13

If a son shall ask bread of any of you that is a father, will he give him a stone? or if he ask a fish, will he for a fish give him a serpent? Or if he shall ask an egg, will he offer him a scorpion? If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children: how much more shall your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to them that ask him?
Sincerely,

DeSwiss
(Not judging, just giving you medicine from your own cabinet)


- Hang in there James. It really does get better........

K&R

[DonCoquixote]

153. If jesus were alive

He would have a special hatred for those that use his words for their evil.

[On the Road]

156. Makes This Guy Seem Almost Magnanimous

[Maeve]

159. That is a male who never loved his son

I will not call him a 'man', certainly he was no 'mensch'--he loved what he wanted his son to be, but not the boy himself. As someone else noted, he is already in the hell he built for himself. And he isn't "Dad" anymore, either. That is an affectionate nickname--he violated it.