General Discussion
Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region Forums"Social" media and the end of family conversation. (a smallish rant)
My daughter and her family are visiting us.
She and my son-in-law ( and our 10 year old grandson and 5 year old granddaughter) live 1500 miles away.
They come here once a year.
We go there 2-3 times a year.
It's pretty much the same now, here or there.
We're in the living room.
Some of us.
She's on her i-something facing or tweeting or whatever.
IF SIL IS in the living room he's doing the same.
More likely he's back in the bedroom on his bluetooth and i-something taking care of business.
He's very busy.
Grandson is in his room playing a video game, or watching a video, or who knows on his i-something.
Well, we do have our granddaughter all to ourselves, and she is a delight.
She doesn't have an i-something...yet.
Probably next year.
I can remember, just a few years ago, when we'd just...talk.
Face to face.
Out loud.
We'd talk politics, which (happily) we all agree on.
Or cute/funny things the kids had done.
Or how their schooling was going.
Or the price of groceries and how great farmers' markets were.
I don't remember specific conversations about cabbages and kings, but we might have.
We discussed a wide range of subjects.
I guess that's all over.
More's the pity.
Dang.
Brickbat
(19,339 posts)It's your house.
trof
(54,256 posts)We're all very close and I wouldn't hurt their feeling for anything.
I'm hoping it will eventually wear off?
Brickbat
(19,339 posts)Deem one room as gadget-free. Or an hour. Or mealtimes.
If you're looking for something everyone can play that will provide lots of discussion, try Apples to Apples. It's good for a wide variety of ages and is something that adults and kids can play together without either group dying of boredom.
trof
(54,256 posts)No i-somethings.
TV is off.
Dinner music (my choice) is on.
Softly.
We do things together away from the house.
It's just IN the house.
malaise
(269,049 posts)none during meals or family discussions. It works - there's a lot of private time for phones.
pnwmom
(108,980 posts)It's not great for their kids, either.
riverbendviewgal
(4,253 posts)You all agree on politics...
I have no family except my son now because my brothers are RW.
freshwest
(53,661 posts)trof
(54,256 posts)sadbear
(4,340 posts)progressivebydesign
(19,458 posts)I also despise the dvd players in cars. God forbid your kid looks out the window and imagines something new.. instead of being entertained 24/7.
BanzaiBonnie
(3,621 posts)She loved it ... and so did I.
trof
(54,256 posts)whew
Blaukraut
(5,693 posts)n/t
Plucketeer
(12,882 posts)scheming daemons
(25,487 posts)Heal thyself
trof
(54,256 posts)And I'm very appreciative that I didn't have to go.
progressivebydesign
(19,458 posts)That's very rude when people do that. I don't care if it's family. It'd never fly in my house. Now, I don't expect to talk 24/7, like some families want to do.. but if someone wants to check emails, they can say "I'm going to go check emails" or they can say they're going to take a nap or just go outside for while.
In my immediate family, we can't STOP talking.. it's a riot, and a laugh fest whenever we get together. If we're together for a few days, we definitely take time away from each other to do stuff like that.
nadinbrzezinski
(154,021 posts)one right now is running the EMS scanner (while I watch Rachel, got the watch as it were)...
I use the other right now to write some fiction (in spanish, due to work needs I need to practice my native tongue)...
But seriously, people can ask to turn all these devices off and have some dinner.
Rule here is no tv for dinner...
trof
(54,256 posts)Myself, and our family believes in everyone doing what they want.
Within reason.
nichomachus
(12,754 posts)About radio
Then again when TV came around
datasuspect
(26,591 posts)especially with company in the house.
and you were considered quite the rude person if you didn't have ashtrays and cigarettes for people to smoke.
our little screens and devices take us to a self-absorbed world devoid of any social graces.
the compulsive finger fucking of small handsets and tablets has made many, many people into oblivious little shitbirds.
trof
(54,256 posts)Fumesucker
(45,851 posts)Indeed I had an OP up about that not too long ago..
http://www.democraticunderground.com/121823201
datasuspect
(26,591 posts)datasuspect
(26,591 posts)when you destroy face to face communication, you destroy community.
keep people glued to devices and teevee, fatten 'em up on fast food, and wait 'til they die.
i'm starting to believe our masters are actually aliens and they are growing us for food.
Fumesucker
(45,851 posts)So our alien masters must be pretty damn stupid..
riderinthestorm
(23,272 posts)Shoes off at the door? Everyone says please and thank you?
So make some rules about the electronic gadgets in your house. At our house there's no electronic gadgets allowed at the table during mealtimes. Ever. That applies to everyone. When company comes over, there's no electronic gadgets allowed while they are on the premises visiting (that includes the patio, porch etc) as well as at the table. I also tell my guests that in an apologetic tone (but firmly phrased) as a way to reinforce it. I usually explain that its part of my manners training for my own kids but everyone gets the message that it applies to all... sometimes someone will say they're expecting an important call or text and of course that's fine.
When someone's coming over to stay for an extended visit, we usually talk about it before they get to my house. I tell them our rules but of course I let them know they're our guests and I want them to be comfortable. I tell them the texting at the table rule is inviolate but I certainly understand if they have important business that needs to be attended to while we're visiting and that thats fine.
smirkymonkey
(63,221 posts)unplug the television set and tell people it wasn't working (we'd disguise the unplugged cord) and therefore nobody could tune out in front of some stupid ball game (sorry, sports lovers) but we thought the holiday was a time for people to get together and socialize and enjoy each other's company. If some people didn't like it, they were free to leave and go to a sports bar or go home and watch the game, but at least they weren't spoiling what our idea of Thanksgiving was about.
It's not for everyone, but it worked for us.
riderinthestorm
(23,272 posts)Works wonders. I like your idea though. If I ever leave this place and move elsewhere, I'm definitely using it! I hate the way the teevee magnetizes everyone. There's no convo, no gathering in the kitchen to confab or help....
trof
(54,256 posts)Sorry.
riderinthestorm
(23,272 posts)My place is a no smoking zone as soon as you turn into the driveway off the street because the whole place is a huge tinderbox!
But pets are allowed on the furniture, swearing is fine by anyone of any age any time, and being late for meals because you've lost track of the time is just fine.
Sounds like the gadgets are something that you'd like to see a little less of in your house. That's perfectly okay to make a rule about it in my book.
WorseBeforeBetter
(11,441 posts)Maybe that's why they're not spending that much time with you in the same room.
trof
(54,256 posts)Maybe you're not able to understand that kind of relationship.
I'm sorry for you.
When they're here I smoke in my office.
It's about the only room I smoke in anyway.
yellerpup
(12,253 posts)As a child I remember being invited onto my grandmother's lap. She would say, "Why don't you hop up here and have a little visit with me?" Sigh. I miss grandma's lap.
Have a nice family dinner that none of them would dream of missing, and over dinner, tell them a story about a memorable visit you had with your favorite relative. Give them something to remember. Make them laugh and they'll want to share their stories with you to make you laugh and keep it going. Wishing you a good visit with your loved ones.
Beartracks
(12,816 posts)And wouldn't you know, at my parents' house the modem/router is not wireless. Without wi-fi, their iPods were dead in the water. So when we weren't out doing tourist-y things, we played cards and talked quite a bit. Well, there was a Kindle around, so people took turns reading every now and then (books that were already downloaded).
So, just thinking out loud.... unless their i-somethings have cell phone capabilities, you could try disconnecting any wi-fi and claiming, er, technical difficulties.
==================
trof
(54,256 posts)But SIL does have a job that requires him to be in touch 24/7.
He's 'on vacation' but also chief legal/compliance officer for a large pharmaceutical co.
He put out a VERY big fire this a.m.
Came totally out of the blue, but he HAD to deal with it.
jeff47
(26,549 posts)You wanna talk? Talk. It's not up to them to start a conversation.
trof
(54,256 posts)jeff47
(26,549 posts)You aren't helpless in this situation.
SheilaT
(23,156 posts)More to the point, it is so totally rude to be face down in some device instead of talking directly with the people that are right there.
As for SIL's job that requires 24/7 access, even when he's on vacation, makes me wonder how anything ever got done before 24/7 access. Gosh, did a business just totally implode, or what?
The reality is, that people, no matter what their position in a company, need also to learn that they can say No, they can say they'll be on vacation and not available for a week or so.
Stepping back down off soap box.
Incitatus
(5,317 posts)Make the time
Butterbean
(1,014 posts)Do it in a fun, happy go lucky fashion, so it goes over better. Make a poster, make it sparkly and glittery and crap (glitter is always a yes ) and display the new house rules there. The house rules can be things like:
-outright ban of non-medical electronic devices at the dinner table
-carve out several 2 hour blocks of time during the day where everyone has to be present, and electronic devices are banned. Declare those 2 hours family game time or something to make it fun.
Yes, they'll whine and moan, but oh well. They'll deal with it.
TwilightGardener
(46,416 posts)texting and facebooking with people she'd RATHER be talking to. In other words, pretty much anyone but us. But hey, she thinks she gets credit for merely gracing us with her physical presence. Having to interact with us across the table...hell no.
Fantastic Anarchist
(7,309 posts)It's all in how you use it ...just like anything else.