Millions of Americans Denied Groceries After Failing to Provide I.D. - By Andy Borowitz

[kpete]

UNITED STATES OF AMERICA (The Borowitz Report)—Millions of Americans were foiled in their attempts to purchase groceries on Wednesday after failing to provide the proper government-issued I.D. cards.

From coast to coast, food-seeking scofflaws were turned away from supermarkets, convenience stores, and fruit markets as they tried to circumvent the nation’s long-standing grocery I.D. laws.

“Given that Americans have been required to show I.D. to buy food for years, it’s amazing that people still try to get away with this,” Carol Foyler, a supermarket cashier in Fresno, California, said. “It’s always, ‘Oh, I left my food I.D. in my other pants,’ or some B.S. like that. Believe me, I’ve heard it all.”

In Cleveland, Ohio, a man attempting to buy a loaf of bread, two yogurts, and a bottle of Fanta tried to use another consumer’s food I.D. to make the purchase, but was busted by sharp-eyed security personnel.


MORE:
https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/millions-of-americans-denied-groceries-after-failing-to-provide-id

[Gothmog]

1. I love good satire

[Ron Obvious]

2. So do I. This isn't. n/t

[LanternWaste]

3. I like satire too. And the OP accurately fits the definition of it. n/t, part II

[Ron Obvious]

4. I suppose that's a matter of taste

I found it a witless non-sequitur.

[NBachers]

7. Thankfully, I have lower satire standards, and found it quite amusing and entertaining.

[Liberalagogo]

12. Sucks to be you I guess.

n/t

[maxrandb]

21. It's hard to tell what is satire anymore n/t

[LudwigPastorius]

5. I remember after the Bowling Green Massacre, there was panic...a run on the supermarkets.

You couldn't get a fake Food I.D. back then for love or money.

[calimary]

14. LOL!

[StarryNite]

17. LOL!

[IronLionZion]

24. How do you know if a food ID is real or fake?

Trump demands that people produce their original long form food ID, not the fake ones they've been using. One tell is that if a person eats mostly fast food, then it's probably real. Fake IDs are used for soy milk, organic chia seeds, fair trade coffee, and whatever they think liberals eat.

[bucolic_frolic]

6. Seriously, flag down a manager and wave your passport at him

Ask for a discount. Not saying you deserve one, but it never hurts.

[FSogol]

8. Food-seeking scofflaws!

Will Trumpy take their children?

[rickford66]

9. Wait. You mean you don't need an ID for groceries ?

Now I find out.

[at140]

10. I use credit cards at grocery

never needed an ID so far, is this a new rule?

[wishstar]

13. Only in Trump's delusional mind at his rally last night

as he crazily claimed that photo ID is required to buy groceries

[DoctorJoJo]

11. Andy Owes The Orange Buffoon Big Time for All the Material!!

[0rganism]

15. how long before we need Republican Party ID to purchase groceries?

the shit Trump spouts like he awoke from fever dreams sometimes ends up as a policy debate, so i'm a bit nervous about this "photo ID to buy groceries" thing

i suppose we'll still be able to buy unregistered groceries in the Democratic ghettos, but we'll probably need photos on our ration cards in the camps

[Ilsa]

22. I was laughing until I read your reply.

Don't give them any ideas! They are already going after SNAP, etc.

[Honeycombe8]

16. LOL! Too funny!

[rurallib]

18. I sometimes wonder if Borowitz is satire or ominous prediction

In my younger days my Dad had to get a liquor passbook in Iowa. This allowed you so many purchases per year as I recall - I was only @ 6 or so.

I do know that by summer he was using passbooks from his non drinking friends.
Maybe we will only be allowed so much meat and be forced to buy more broccoli?

[LiberalFighter]

31. War Ration Cards (World War II)

[rurallib]

32. had never seen one of those but always heard about them

I listen to a lot of old time radio and those are often referenced - thanks

[NastyRiffraff]

19. These things just write themselves now

[IronLionZion]

20. "there should also be background checks and a waiting period"

[Ilsa]

23. Next, they will propose we just get food from our 3D printers. nt

[IronLionZion]

25. Our founders didn't put the right to buy food into our Constitution for a reason

so people will just have to wait for the background checks and get the correct permits if they want to eat.

[duforsure]

26. What's next?

Stop and frisk in the grocery aisles program from them. lol

[left-of-center2012]

27. I'm going grocery shopping tomorrow

Scared and panicking !

[Gothmog]

28. I love good satire

[JustABozoOnThisBus]

29. We need to close the "Farmers' Market Loophole"

Go to a local Farmers' Market, and you will see people selling and buying food from other people, no ID requested.