General Discussion
Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsMy new neighbor
My neighbor is a serial killer. Everyone on the block knew that about him when he moved in but we all smiled as we said "Hello" and "Welcome" - as is the neighborly thing to do.
The whole street paraded over with dishes heaped with enough food to last a month of Sundays. As each person handed over their most winning effort with a smile and a look of encouragement, they lingered in expectation - waiting for a compliment on the presentation or aroma - the polite response when offered neighborly gifts. But each time the new neighbor would grunt, take the dish, and make to shut the door.
It was a bit strange that the newcomer expected each and every person on his walkway to knock in turn instead of simply accepting the bounty and pleasantries of the already gathered assembly.
But he is a serial killer and maybe he isn't accustomed to the ways of being a polite neighbor. So as the door closed on one baffled face another cheerfully determined one would pry it right back open. This went on for several minutes when the newest member of our close knit community walked away, leaving the door wide open, and chucking Miss Betty's Blueberry Sunrise Surprise on a moving box in the hall.
Wondering what to do next, the group decided the open door was an invite, and in we all piled.
The screams began as I was passing through the hall, having stopped for a quick peek into the half-bath. Painted a bright gold, it wasn't my taste - but I knew with the right influence my new buddy would learn to embrace neutral colors.
Reaching the kitchen, I saw Miss Betty sprawled on the floor in a pool of blood, an ax sticking out of her skull. The new kid in town was smiling bigly while coating his face in Miss Betty's blood.
The dismay on the faces of everyone else let me know that something untoward had taken place. Not wanting to be rude I didn't ask.
I am a restaurant manager by trade so I took charge. Accidents and messy spills are a big part of working with food, and I knew exactly what was needed. I got John to get a mop and a bucket, while Kelly and Sarah were sent in search of towels. The neighbor from across the street, the one everyone called General, volunteered to get our now tomato-colored comrade cleaned up, and off to the shower they went.
In short order the kitchen was put to right. Floors and walls cleaned. Trash burning out back, with Miss Betty and her cake topping the pile. It was the send off any neighbor would want from the neighborhood they loved.
We all love our neighborhood. We have an obligation to to keep it running smoothly.
With the new neighbor occupied with the busy work of unpacking we made our way back to our homes, secure in the knowledge that we did the right thing. We protected the neighborhood.
It seems so obvious - what happened. He is a serial killer, after all. But when you have a duty to be a good neighbor, you do what you must.
We work in shifts now, keeping an eye on our neighbor, hoping to avoid another Miss Betty surprise. The city can sleep soundly at night, safe in the knowledge that we are on the job.
We could call the police, I suppose - but who wants to start a neighborhood fracas when we all have a job to do, making our neighborhood great again? It could drive our property values down.
Besides, he's not all bad. He's done some really good things. Fewer dogs means less barking - and that can't be bad, right? Right?
monmouth4
(9,711 posts)Solly Mack
(90,794 posts)marked50
(1,372 posts)It reminds me of something my wife said a few days ago. She plainly asked the question that people should be asked, especially to Trump supporters - "Would you want Trump as your neighbor?".
That would be something to ponder. It might get someone to really think about Trump under real conditions that you would have to live under. Pretty frightening for most.
Perseus
(4,341 posts)What I would argue with people is that if they owned a company and GW's resume was presented to them without the actual name that 99% of the time they would toss the resume in the garbage, his CV is so bad, so full of failures that they would know a person like that would put in jeopardy their company. The same applies about the man-child, his resume would only be accepted by gang members of the mafia.
And correct, you would not want him as your neighbour.
Solly Mack
(90,794 posts)He'd enjoy disrupting the neighborhood too much and life is too short.
Thanks!
AllaN01Bear
(18,578 posts)in real life though there are neighbors from hell. i live in an apartment, and one below me has been harrasing me since he moved in a # of years ago. i have health problems and dont need this alphahotell. so i started yelling at him that one feels i shoud be quiet starting @ 2 pm by baning my floor . ive started yellling at the idiot and that seems to work. we have anti harrasment here and that is a smokescreen. i hope we can get rid of the big alphahotell which the article is talking about soon.
Solly Mack
(90,794 posts)Bad neighbors suck. I know they do.
Perseus
(4,341 posts)I have already passed it around people I know, it is a must read, in my humble opinion.
Solly Mack
(90,794 posts)I hope they enjoy it.
MineralMan
(146,339 posts)Solly Mack
(90,794 posts)brer cat
(24,629 posts)K&R
Solly Mack
(90,794 posts)I had fun.
Hortensis
(58,785 posts)That gave me a good chuckle. Now that I think of it, though, there's one somewhere in the WH. Maybe there's a clue to something here.
Solly Mack
(90,794 posts)Hortensis
(58,785 posts)Solly Mack
(90,794 posts)lol
FakeNoose
(32,833 posts)Too bad we can't say the same for the traitors in the White House.
Great story though. Thanks Solly Mack! The donkeys approve.
Solly Mack
(90,794 posts)Thank you, FakeNoose.
She died a hero.
watoos
(7,142 posts)Allow me to add, for those who believe the anonymous letter is a good thing, no it isn't.
Solly Mack
(90,794 posts)It didn't bring me a happy either - the letter.
LuckyCharms
(17,469 posts)Solly Mack
(90,794 posts)I blame the anal bleach...around Trump's eyes. Made me delirious.
Blue_playwright
(1,568 posts)Nt
Solly Mack
(90,794 posts)SpankMe
(2,970 posts)Solly Mack
(90,794 posts)Probably.
tblue37
(65,502 posts)Solly Mack
(90,794 posts)amuse bouche
(3,657 posts)Solly Mack
(90,794 posts)I had fun with it.
SWBTATTReg
(22,183 posts)Solly Mack
(90,794 posts)There was that one block party though...
Thanks, SWBTATTReg.
sl8
(13,949 posts)sl8
ProfessorGAC
(65,290 posts)Rec'd
Solly Mack
(90,794 posts)Crunchy Frog
(26,694 posts)Solly Mack
(90,794 posts)dweller
(23,684 posts)I knew at this point, this is satire... sick, sick satire ...
you are 'anonymous' , right?
👍🏻
✌🏼️
but I play one online.
PufPuf23
(8,843 posts)Truly one of the most clever writings I have ever seen in many years of DU.