I Am Part of the Resistance Inside the Plainview High Cheer Squad

[kpete]

https://media.newyorker.com/photos/5b91591f5803be2dae346a6a/master/w_649,c_limit/Flake-Plainview-High-Resistance.jpg


Cheer captain Jenna Kelly is a psycho hose beast and everybody knows it, but nobody’s got the guts to come out and say it to her face.

It’s not just that she made Kayleigh Fielder cry outside the band room. Or that she hooked up with Olivia DeSantis’s boyfriend a week before junior prom. Or that she’s been spreading rumors that Mrs. Sullivan is doing coke in the teachers’ lounge, even though Mrs. Sullivan is THE NICEST and would never.

The problem is that she doesn’t even know how many of us hate her guts, and how many people there are here at Plainview who are planning to take her down.

I should know. I’m one of them.

..............

Everybody wants to get her kicked off the team so bad, but her routines did get us to state semifinals, and the judges are going to want to see her signature basket-toss double flip. If we’re going to get to finals, we have to focus, and try to keep Jenna from burning down Sophie’s house.

In closing, I will say that I am basically Jenna’s best friend. But this is bigger than Jenna, and it’s bigger than me. What’s at stake here is nothing less than the fate of the Plainview Panthers. GO, PANTHERS!!!


the rest:
https://www.newyorker.com/humor/daily-shouts/i-am-part-of-the-resistance-inside-the-plainview-high-cheer-squad

[Leghorn21]

1. Totes adorbs!!

(Or whatever the kids are sayin these days!)

[Gothmog]

2. I love good satire

[Dunnjen]

3. Nailed it

Anonymous author is so torn. Must be hard to sleep at night trying to play both sides.