Dear dads: Your daughters told me about their assaults. This is why they never told you.

[Arkansas Granny]

A man emailed recently in response to something I’d written about street harassment. He was so glad, he said, that his college-age daughter never experienced anything like that. Less than a day later, he wrote again. They had just talked. She told him she’d been harassed many, many times — including that week. She hadn’t ever shared this, because she wanted to protect him from her pain.

For all the stereotypes that linger about women being too fragile or emotional, these past weeks have revealed what many women already knew: A lot of effort goes into protecting men we love from bad things that happen to us. And a lot of fathers are closer to bad things than they’ll ever know.

“Two of my daughters have told me stories that I had never heard before about things that happened to them in high school,” Fox News anchor Chris Wallace mused on air last Thursday, as he urged skeptical viewers to carefully consider the testimony of Christine Blasey Ford.

If you are a father who hasn’t heard these stories, that doesn’t mean they don’t exist. They’ve been pouring into my inbox almost every day.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/dear-dads-your-daughters-told-me-about-their-assaults-this-is-why-they-never-told-you/2018/10/01/0f69be46-c587-11e8-b2b5-79270f9cce17_story.html?utm_term=.f7690bcef0dc&wpisrc=al_trending_now__alert-national&wpmk=1

Great article and could be a real eye opener to some who don't realize just how widespread sexual assault and misconduct are in our society.

[moriah]

1. Dads often don't realize saying, "Just tell me and I'll take care of it"...

... places daughters in a position where they are afraid their fathers might end up in jail if they DO tell.

My father said all sorts of stuff like that, and as a result I minimized a situation and took care of getting myself safe without my father's involvement. When it really wasn't anything to minimize, but what I did say was enough to get him kicked off every BBS in our community because they didn't want him potentially preying on anyone else he met through their systems -- and it meant he couldn't bother me online. Which was enough for me then, though now I can only hope that *was* enough of a wake-up call to make him question his interest in a barely 13-year-old.

I knew my father would beat him up and then bleed on him, though, either accidentally or "accidentally on purpose". He had AIDS. He had nothing to lose. But if I HAD been ready to tell everything and let the perpetrator get dealt with by the legal system and maybe get court-mandated counseling, I would have needed both my parents out of jail and helping me.

"If anything ever happens, I'll stand by you 100%, and will do whatever you need me to do to keep you safe until he's arrested"... that's more what they are intending to say with threats of violence, but especially when a predator has groomed the child... they don't need to worry that the parent will take matters into their own hands.

[world wide wally]

2. Plus, a father might go out and kill the fucking creep.

[debsy]

3. Or a father might be creepy himself...

There could be many reasons. If a father thinks that kind of behavior is harmless, then why would a daughter bother telling him?

[colorado_ufo]

4. And sometimes the perpetrator is a family friend or family member,

and the girl doesn't want to be the one who "broke up the family." She just tells herself that nothing will change what happened anyway, and things could get a whole lot worse. She might have to endure months and years of trouble or just choose to put one lousy experience behind her and bury it. Pretend it never happened - and keep her distance from the perpetrator. Consider it a "life lesson."

There is so much of this that women endure - harassment, abuse, assault, and more - that I sometimes wonder if ANY woman goes through life free from this stuff?

[kimbutgar]

5. I would have never told my Dad when I was assaulted because he would have gone after the guy

I didn’t tell my Dad my ex husband beat me up because he would have killed the guy for hurting his daughter. years later I told my father and he was furious. I understand completely the silence of daughters. But now is the time fir women to speak up to fathers and brothers to let them know this is a common occurrence.

[LittleGirl]

6. Some of those fathers are

the abusers.

[Locrian]

7. or get blamed for it themselves, etc

It's a super tough situation....

[LittleGirl]

8. My father was a saint

but my uncle on my mother's side assaulted me and my Mother'syounger sister when she was my age (19) so that's why I mention this.

[Locrian]

9. so sorry that happened

but glad you had an awesome father.

My gf was assaulted and her dad blamed her - it was an uncle (why did you go there with him? why were you out late? etc)

[spartan61]

10. I was assaulted several times by the brother

of one of my good friends when I was 10 or 11. (The molester was in his early 20s.)I never told anyone, (including my friend), especially my dad. Why didn't I tell my parents? I wanted to protect my dad from murder because I knew he would have killed the neighbor and probably would have ended up in prison. It's just now, many years later, that I can talk about it thanks to the Me Too Movement. BTW, that disgusting brother of my friend died a few years ago of cancer.

[zentrum]

11. Yes, men have no idea

...no clue, about the difficulties women deal with in relation to men.

[GeoWilliam750]

12. Thank you for posting this

It is a very good article. I have seen the sort of thing discussed in the article a number of times.