Orrin Hatch Delivers Farewell Address From Coffin Descending Into Plot Dug In Middle Of Senate Floor

[Zorro]

WASHINGTON—Marking the end of the longest tenure of any Republican senator in U.S. history, Orrin Hatch (R-UT) delivered his farewell address to colleagues Wednesday from a coffin being lowered into an open grave on the floor of the Senate.

“It has been the honor of my life to serve my country these past 42 years in the very spot where I am to be buried,” said the retiring seven-term senator as lawmakers from both sides of the aisle lined up to pay their final respects to Hatch’s political career by throwing handfuls of dirt onto his descending body.

“While it’s difficult to say goodbye, I take a certain measure of solace in the knowledge that I’m to be entombed in the place I’ve called home for half my life now. Please remember I will always be here in spirit, and also in the flesh, right here below the floorboards. Thank you, and God bless America.”

Those in attendance confirmed the address ended when Majority Leader Mitch McConnell ceremoniously nailed the coffin closed with Hatch still speaking inside.

https://politics.theonion.com/orrin-hatch-delivers-farewell-address-from-coffin-desce-1831052039

[CaliforniaPeggy]

1. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh, if only!

[Submariner]

2. OMG can't laugh that hard just after dinner

[CaliforniaPeggy]

5. Haven't eaten yet so I'm safe!

[malaise]

3. Almost caught me

[CaliforniaPeggy]

4. Me too! Then I saw the clue!

[Crutchez_CuiBono]

6. That was a noteworthy one...

Bookmarked for laughs now, and when in need later.
Hahaha.

[guillaumeb]

7. Is there room for Trump and Ryan and McConnell in the coffin? eom

[Hermit-The-Prog]

8. that would require significant upgrades

Consider the flow of visitors paying homage to a Trump, Ryan, McConnell tomb; the sewage system in the capitol is not up to that task.

[Adrahil]

9. LOL! Nice!

[ProudLib72]

10. I believe it. Yes, this sounds quite plausible

$50 says Hatch has mentioned being buried in the Senate to at least one colleague.

[Hassler]

11. Latter Day Grifter, Orrin Hack.