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I'm not very good with stuff like this, and I don't want to make it worse by getting all weepy and freaked out. On another level, she's been saying for a year at least that she really wants to go. She's done and misses her family that are all on the other side...though she also admits she can only talk to me about this, because my sister is not open to it.
My older sister is the "manager" and is good at handling the sketchy stuff. My dad is pretty far gone mentally, though he knows what's up he's probably not registering the gravity of the situation, or he's in denial too.
I'm over a mountain about 45 mins away, but she's also not coherent. Her LOC is probably about a 1, she's not answering questions and not aware what day it is etc.
I need to wait till tomorrow when there's more answers.
She's had a few strokes, but usually has only affected speech and she recovers in a few days. She's never lost consciousness like this. She was sick all day yesterday and my dad made it sound like a tummy bug...so she got severely dehydrated and my sister came over this morning to gather her up and take her to the ER, but that time she was out of it.
No bleeds... CT shows nothing ...she's also severely anemic so they are gonna give her an infusion.
Meanwhile all they can do is push fluids thru the nite and I have just gotta calm down and let her decide how she wants to handle this...she's a fighter but I also know she just might see this as her chance to exit.
CottonBear
(21,596 posts)sprinkleeninow
(20,249 posts)🕯
Liberty Belle
(9,535 posts)My Mom, too, is 88 and saying she wants to go. She's outlived Dad, her parents, all of her aunts, cousins and close friends.
Of course she stilll has my brother, me and the grandkids, but she knows her memory is failing, and she's become more frail, and knows from watching Dad wither away with Alzheimer's what lies in store for her.
So I've told myself when her time comes, I will try not to be sorry though we will all miss her terribly; my hope for her and for your mom is that when their time comes, they will pass quickly and without pain and suffering.
FirstLight
(13,360 posts)Thanks, it's a rough place in life when parents start to fade.
I asked my sister about my mom's DNR and if it is on file with the hospital, she wouldn't answer me. I wonder if they keep that stuff flagged like allergies etc...?
CousinIT
(9,245 posts)I hope you can somehow find some peace with whatever happens. Wishing you that, and strength too.
malaise
(269,020 posts)Wishing your mom all the best.
FirstLight
(13,360 posts)I'm the black sheep and my dad and I fought a LOT growing up and sister is not very close to me either. So as a single mom through all my struggles she has been the one to advocate for me, help me with bills, etc.
Now I am afraid she won't let go cuz she's worried about me. I want her to know we'll be ok, I don't want her to stay if she's unhappy on my account
I keep sending out thoughts/prayers to her and my grandma and dead auntie that if they come for her to not hold back because of what's going on here. The rest of us will be fine <3
Mr.Bill
(24,296 posts)Are you the one named to make the decisions?
Hoping your mother recovers or at least has a peaceful end.
FirstLight
(13,360 posts)but it would be my dad or older sister in charge, I'm the youngest so all I can do is stand by and see what happens
Mr.Bill
(24,296 posts)I'm also the youngest but my mom put me in charge of hers. You never know.
woodsprite
(11,916 posts)My mom had a similar experience and even after giving her fluids, they found that she was extremely low on magnesium. I hope its something as simple as that. I think a handful of ivs and a daily maintenance dose helped tremendously.
Sending hugs and healing thoughts.
FirstLight
(13,360 posts)now all her electrolytes and sodium etc are all fucked up...She was so dehydrated they couldn't even get a blood sample until after they gave her a full bag IV
dhol82
(9,353 posts)Ask yourself. - is she ready to go?
Sometimes that is the kindest thing to do.
You can be supportive and let her go with peace.
sheshe2
(83,773 posts)My mom is 92. We, my sister and I have been doing home care. Her DNR is on the Refrigerator at all times.
Best to you and mom. It's not easy.
FailureToCommunicate
(14,014 posts)like she does. Maybe that might make it a bit easier for you when the end arrives?
(Moms ALWAYS know best)
samnsara
(17,622 posts)...sis rushed her to out of town hospital ..I couldnt leave because I was caring for my demented father who refused to leave the house..i never saw my mother alive again. I was never even told she was dying.. I thought she would bounce out again. I got a text that she just passed away.
(((HUGS))) to you.. you are going through some very rough times. We are here for you if you need to talk.
FirstLight
(13,360 posts)told her I called the nurses station for an update and they won't talk to me cuz of HIPAA
I asked them to squeeze her hand and tell her I called and I love her...
asked my sis if/when she would call to check in again and what she can do to verify my identity... my SS##?
she hasnt texted back
I'm calling the hosp again and asking what they need to verify my identity
(after a cigarette, I'm fuckng a mess)
spanone
(135,838 posts)apkhgp
(1,068 posts)the condition your mother is in. I can see you are doing your best to cope with the whole thing. I have gone through the same thing with a few of my family members. I do not have any set solution or cure all but one thing I learned is that visitation in the hospital or at home is something that can help you deal with everything.
It might not lessen the hassle, that might increase. But being able to deal with all of this is the key. It means the difference between you taking care of all the things you need to do in your life and being sent to the hospital yourself.
hibbing
(10,098 posts)It sucks having parents that have to struggle so hard. Seems like a lot of us on here are dealing with this type of situation. Do the best you can and try to practice self-care.
Peace
FirstLight
(13,360 posts)I'd rather remember her last visit with me & the kids as my last memory....not a hospital bed
maybe she will fight thru the night, maybe she will stick around to kick my ass somemore...
summer_in_TX
(2,738 posts)My mom had a stroke five years ago. It looked like she might pull through for awhile, but then she had a heart attack, which didn't kill her but from which we began to realize there could be no recovery. My siblings and Dad and I were able to take turns being with her in ICU (but there were five kids to share the load). The hospital chaplain helped us begin the conversation of whether she wanted to stay in the hospital and have extreme measures or not. She couldn't speak because she was intubated since her heart was by then too weak to supply her with enough oxygen. But she finger-spelled, Home.
We made arrangements to get her home the next day and arranged for hospice. She spent time making the sign "I love you."
At home she had some consciousness in and out as her many cousins, friends, and grandkids came by to say goodbye.
We kids got to do the important work of loving on her, taking turns with her, singing the lullabies she had sung to us as kids. That's been a source of peace for us, even while we grieve and miss her still.
I'm just glad she was gone before Trump was elected. She would have been profoundly depressed after Hillary was defeated, and in despair for her country. She'd actively worked for the election of progressive Dems since the first campaign she volunteered in at the age of 13.
KT2000
(20,581 posts)my heart goes out to you.
imanamerican63
(13,798 posts)My mom has been dealing with dizzy spells and I worry about her while I am on the road. I have one of my sisters living with us to help her. I know what you are feeling.
tavernier
(12,389 posts)You all were there for me and it helped so much. Dont for a moment think that these are random or obligatory wishes. There are truly kind people here who feel your pain and anguish. It is a cyber hug in a way, but real emotion behind it.
susanna
(5,231 posts)Some wonderful people here on DU got me through my sister's final days a few years back.
I truly respect what you are going through and hope for the best for you and your Mom.
Many cyber and big hugs here.
onecaliberal
(32,861 posts)mahina
(17,663 posts)SammyWinstonJack
(44,130 posts)lillypaddle
(9,580 posts)uponit7771
(90,344 posts)pnwmom
(108,978 posts)Or with your sister -- whoever has the medical power of attorney. The hospice people were wonderful when my mother was dying. They made a sad and difficult time easier to bear.
She doesn't have to have a terminal diagnosis to be on hospice -- just a doctor's opinion that she has less than 6 months to live. If she's still alive at that point, the decision can be made whether to re-certify for another 6 months, or to leave hospice.
I know how hard all of this is. I hope you have someone nearby who's holding your hand through this.
MFM008
(19,814 posts)Quit eating on Christmas day.
Its only a matter of time.
Try to stay strong.
My mom gave up on Cmas too...Dad told her he didn't believe in any of it and she ripped all her decorations up and put them in the trash. She brought our presents up to us the next day and said she's done.
We'll see how it pans out... love to you and your momma too