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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsPence Asks Jesus to Rapture Him Up Before Mueller Can Indict Him
Pence Asks Jesus to Rapture Him Up Before Mueller Can Indict Him
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)Vice-President Mike Pence has requested that Jesus Christ rapture him up before the special counsel Robert Mueller can indict him, a source close to Pence confirmed on Friday.
Shortly after the former national-security adviser Michael Flynn pleaded guilty to lying to the F.B.I., Pence contacted Jesus to discuss the early rapture proposal, the source said.
The source characterized Pences request to be raptured up as urgent but did not indicate whether the Vice-President asked Jesus to rapture up any other senior Administration officials.
Some of these people will have to be left behind, for obvious reasons, the source said. Jared, for example.
After the news of Pences conversation with Jesus leaked to the press, the Vice-President released an official statement, intended to tamp down speculation about his rapture request.
I had a good conversation with Jesus Christ earlier in the day, the statement read. We touched on the timetable of my rapturing-up, along with a broad range of other issues. That is all I have to say at the present time.
https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/pence-asks-jesus-to-rapture-him-up-before-mueller-can-indict-him
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Pence Asks Jesus to Rapture Him Up Before Mueller Can Indict Him (Original Post)
pdsimdars
Mar 2019
OP
GemDigger
(4,305 posts)1. Speaking of the rapture, it would be a blessing to us who remain when they are all gone and we can
clean their mess up.
pscot
(21,024 posts)2. How odd
I was wishing the same thing.
bluestarone
(17,041 posts)4. I believe the Lord raptures RIGHTOUS people NOT
RIGHT WING people! HE'S fucked!!
smirkymonkey
(63,221 posts)5. Maybe the Lord will take one for the team this time.
Let's hope he is righteous and kind.