"I am the resurrecion and the life, motherf*cker." . . . Please come CAPTION Donald Trump!!!

but we try to channel our subjects' avarice, stupidity, deceptiveness, etc. for the purpose of satire.

Let me start today's Easter egg roll by telling you how high the stock market is. It's really high. Probably highest ever for a stock market. And the jobs. There are more jobs now than ever before. That's a lot of jobs. Good jobs. Very good jobs. The time it is also the largest date ever in human history today. Bigger than even yesterday. And the sex yachts. Today there are more sex yachts than ever. It's like the 1970s again, only with Aids. And the wall we're building. We have so much wall now, it's like you can't believe how much wall we have. No more brown and black bunnies coming to America to ruin our Easter. A lot of white bunnies thank me. They say, Mr. President, thank you for the white bunnies. And I say, you're welcome. Because I'm humble. I'm like the most humble person ever. EVER. That's why today is the best day ever. The best. Why, I cannot think of one thing that happened on this day in the history of mankind better than today sitting in the garden rose listening to me speak about how great I'm making everything. Now collect all those damn eggs and then get the *** off my lawn!

Just like every other appendage on my bloated body!