Dear Queen Elizabeth II
We deeply regret that you, your family, and your countrymen have been subjected to the boorish conduct of Donald J. Trump – but then you were probably aware long before his arrival that he is incapable of conducting himself appropriately in any setting.
Thank you for not calling attention to the fact that Mr. Trump had already insulted London’s mayor, Sadiq Khan, and Meghan Markle, Duchess of Sussex, before he had even set foot in your country. One can only imagine the self-discipline required for Prince Charles to dine with a man who once stated that he “could have nailed” his late wife, Princess Diana, as well as the self-control demonstrated by Princes William and Harry when in the company of the lout who insulted their mother in such a fashion.
Thank you for not instructing your staff to throw the uninvited guests – Ivanka, Jared, Steve Mnuchin, Kellyanne Conway, et al – out of your home, which would have been understandable, and perfectly appropriate. Unfortunately, Mr. Trump is prone to leading his little piggies to any available trough, despite the lack of an invitation to be seated with decent people who were actually invited guests. Your gracious response to this blatant lack of courtesy is appreciated by those of us who have been humiliated by Mr. Trump’s conduct on a daily basis since Vladimir Putin and a spineless Republican party installed him in our White House.
As you are no doubt aware, your subjects made it abundantly clear that Mr. Trump is not any more welcome in your country than he is in any other – including his own. You would think that he would come to realize that he is abhorred, despised, and hated by the vast majority of our global neighbours – but that would require self-awareness, intelligence, and common sense – attributes which Mr. Trump does not possess, and never will.
We are truly sorry that in addition to his many other oafish failings, Mr. Trump appears to have fallen asleep during your lovely speech. We hope you don’t perceive this conduct as a personal affront, given that he tends to nod-off whenever anyone is speaking about anything other than what a perfectly wonderful, handsome, sexy, all-knowing man he is – at least in his own mind.
In closing, I just want to reiterate that your graciousness in dealing with our National Embarrassment has been demonstrative of your ability to rise above the classless, clueless idiots you are sometimes duty-bound to entertain.
We once sent you a US President who was intelligent, respectful, and well-mannered, and who knew how to conduct himself appropriately. Rest assured that it is our mission as American citizens to ensure that the next president we elect will meet those same standards, and will be someone you can be proud to invite to your dinner table instead of dreading like the plague.
--- NanceGreggs, US Citizen
PS: If I were you, I would instruct your staff to count the silverware before Mr. Trump and his entourage of thieves leave your country. These people are not only untrustworthy, they are without scruples, morality, or principles.
It would be an incredible humiliation to see one of your soup spoons show up for sale on Ebay – but at this point, we are beyond being surprised by anything.
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I wish she could really read it. I know she would appreciate very much your heartfelt thoughts.
