Denmark offers to buy America from Russia

[Soph0571]

Mette Frederiksen, the Prime Minister of Denmark has reportedly expressed an interest in buying the Russian controlled territory of the United States of America.

Rich in natural resources and fuckwits the territory covers almost 10 million square kilometers and is said to contain huge oil and gas reserves and the largest number of fatties on the planet.

Russian Premier Vladimir Putin who bought the US with a Betamax videotape of two prostitutes urinating on a dementia patient told The Rochdale Herald. “It’s a pretty good deal and we’re open to discussing it with Denmark. Russia bought North America for the price of two hookers and a large bottle of Evian Water so anything over 75 rubels is a good return on our investment.”

“Denmark would be a pretty good acquirer for the territory. They’re the happiest country in the world, have an amazing welfare state and they can all read.”

[link:https://rochdaleherald.co.uk/2019/08/21/denmark-buy-america-from-russia/|

[50 Shades Of Blue]

1. Brilliant!

[IdealsAndReal42]

2. Powerful joke in return of such stupidity.

[triron]

19. Ouch.

Almost embarrassing to be called an American nowadays.

[handmade34]

3. touche'

[DinahMoeHum]

4. Tee hee hee!

[colsohlibgal]

5. Awesome

The funniest zingers have some truth in them.

[iluvtennis]

6. Bravo!

[raccoon]

7. Beautiful! Nt

[Downtown Hound]

8. Maybe we can take up a collection fund to help them pay for it. n/t

[Wounded Bear]

9. Go Fund Me!

[Firestorm49]

10. Good one. I doubt if my Republican acquaintances would appreciate the humor.

[FiveGoodMen]

20. I know I wouldn't appreciate republican acquaintances

[ananda]

11. That was great!!!

[Scarsdale]

12. This offer should be

made to the true leaders, Moscow Mitch and Hannity. They make all the important decisions.

[IronLionZion]

13. Please do!

And implement the Nordic model of social programs and general liberalness here.

[Scarsdale]

14. Copies of this should

be sent to EVERY gop representative in DC. They need to know what a laughingstock they have made of this country by backing a total brainless fool.

[FakeNoose]

15. Somebody should send this to Chump

(Yes I know - wiener is misspelled. It's still cute.)

[Grins]

16. "The world is laughing at us." - Smug orange weasel predicting our future, Nov 2012

"The world is laughing at us." - Smug, arrogant, orange weasel predicting our future, 06 Nov 2012.

Proof they are.

[louis-t]

17. Haaa!!!

[Collimator]

18. Oh. My. Dog.

My eyes hurt--that was so brilliant.

[appalachiablue]

21. Deliverance!!

[rustysgurl]

22. Maybe it's time to learn Danish as a second language n/t

[ancianita]

23. I almost feel like my life is on an auction block.

[warmfeet]

24. Fine by me.

The Danes know how to run a country.

[burrowowl]

25. Were that it were true

[RainCaster]

26. The punctuation is bad, but the message is great!

It took a lot of editing to make sense of this small article of sarcasm. But I loved it!

[MontanaMama]

27. Okay!

I’m all for it if we can get rid of the MF and I can sign on th Denmark’s health plan.

[Hermit-The-Prog]

28. see also, "not enough Americans are packing heat"

Short range nuclear missiles made available to American public in bid to reduce gun crime

Following a series of atrocities in the United States over the weekend in which more than twenty five members of the public were shot and killed the government has announced dramatic reforms to curb the growing crisis.

“Obviously just letting everybody arm themselves to the teeth with conventional weapons hasn’t done the trick.” A spokesman for the US government told The Rochdale Herald.

“The real issue is that not enough Americans are packing heat when they go to the supermarket or the swimming baths. If they all were then obviously there’d be no gun crimes at all.”

“The next obvious step to take is to make short range nuclear weapons available over the counter at Best Buy and Walmart. If we want to ensure that members of the public are completely safe then we need to give them all access to even bigger weapon systems.”

[ ... ]
https://rochdaleherald.co.uk/2019/08/05/short-range-nuclear-missiles-available-to-american-public-in-bid-to-reduce-gun-crime/