General Discussion
Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsSpeaking of Thanksgiving ......
I remember sitting down to Christmas dinner eighteen years ago in a communal house in Portland, Oregon with about twelve others my own age, all of whom had no place they wished to go home to. This house was my first discovery of harmony and community with fellow beings. This has been the experience of hundreds of thousands of men and women all over America since the end of WW2. Hence the talk about the growth of a 'new society.'
Gary Snyder; Earth House Hold New Directions Publishing; 1968
I think about this quite a bit during the Thanksgiving and Christmas holiday season. This year, I've been talking to several good friends who, for a variety of reasons, are experiencing difficult times. In some instances, it is related to interactions (or none) with family members. Others have told me about problems with old friends and neighbors. Sometimes I think that the holiday season is the most difficult for good people.
Earlier today I was remembering a Thanksgiving some thirty years ago. I was a single father with custody of my two young sons, but they were spending Thanksgiving day with their mother. I hadn't thought it would be different than any other day I didn't have the boys. I had thought that I'd find plenty to do. But on that day, I couldn't.
I remember listening to Jimi Hendrix's song, Burning of the Midnight Lamp, especially the haunting lyrics, All my loneliness, I have felt today; it's a little more than enough to make a man throw himself away. Looking back, of course, I don't feel sorry for myself. But I remember that empty feeling, and of thinking about Paul McCartney's lines about all the lonely people.
On a more chipper note, years later my sons hosted Thanksgiving, with their mother and her new husband, their sisters, and I, and we had a great time. But that would be their mother's last Thanksgiving, as she died seven months later. Although he doesn't mention it, I know that both Thanksgiving and Christmas are hard for my sons. The older will be preparing our Thanksgiving meal here, and his brother and his girlfriend will join us. (Her daughters will be at their father's, and her mother hates the holidays and doesn't want to see anyone.)
When I was a kid, the maternal side of the extended family all gathered at my grandparents for a feast on both Thanksgiving and Christmas. Those are some of the very few times in my childhood that I can look back upon with some happiness. But those days are long gone, and while three of my four siblings live but a few miles away, we do not communicate.
I used to enjoy talking to my friend Rubin Carter on Thanksgiving especially in the years that Marvin Hagler flew in to Canada from Italy to spend the holiday with the Hurricane. Rubin had an interesting take on the curious systems that are known as family of origin. I can hear his words now: You are born into the exact circumstances that you must overcome in life.
I like Gary Snyder's approach. If you don't have family and friends to hang with today, the internet provides a form of community that we couldn't have dreamed of when I was young. If you are having a good holiday, please think of those who might be alone even those who are alone in a crowd. Take the time to reach out. And one last thing to keep in mind this holiday season: Trump is being impeached!
Peace,
H2O Man
spanone
(137,617 posts)H2O Man
(75,711 posts)to you & yours!
BeyondGeography
(40,053 posts)Rubin was so wise.
Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family.
H2O Man
(75,711 posts)And happy Thanksgiving to you & yours!
Rubin was unique. I miss him.
Martin Eden
(13,540 posts)It was about the 50th gathering of the northeast tribes in Plymouth, as day of mourning. The accompanying photo showed the people paying respects at a statue of Massasoit.
Peace,
Martin
The Onondaga school had their harvest festival on Tuesday. Chief Waterman's older daughter is the head of the school. I miss the days that I'd be heading up there for today's celebration!
Martin Eden
(13,540 posts)And thoughts on the remembrance and mourning of the occasion, as well.
PoindexterOglethorpe
(26,773 posts)I think you have succinctly stated how we don't have to be slave to traditions that aren't meaningful to us. Nor do we need to mope and feel sorry for ourselves because of our current situation.
I happen to live a very long way from any family, and I'm not about to travel or ask them to travel on this weekend. I have a couple of good friends here, and our original plan was to go to a casino today, but it's snowing here, and so we will probably just do a dinner at their house. They made back-up grocery purchases. Heck, if it doesn't stop snowing by noon or so, I may not even bother to go over to their house, and I'll be fine.
H2O Man
(75,711 posts)Neither of my dogs seem aware that today may be distinct from yesterday or tomorrow. They do, of course, smell my son's cooking today's meal, and are expressing interest. But mainly they are competing for my undivided attention. It's been raining off and on, but they are still intent on going for the day's walk in the woods.
PoindexterOglethorpe
(26,773 posts)something special they do on Thanksgiving?
H2O Man
(75,711 posts)all day! A couple of tumbling clowns that rarely tire of playing .....which is good, since they weigh 75 and 85 lbs, and are convinced that sleeping on me is the most comfortable.
NRaleighLiberal
(60,549 posts)Enjoy your day!
H2O Man
(75,711 posts)Happy Thanksgiving to you & yours!
pandr32
(12,238 posts)H2O Man
(75,711 posts)cilla4progress
(25,968 posts)Happy Thanksgiving.
H2O Man
(75,711 posts)Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!
I've got to add how happy the news regarding Trump makes me!
MLAA
(18,654 posts)safeinOhio
(34,208 posts)H2O Man
(75,711 posts)I have a few versions of it. Love them all!
The rally pictured in the video was shortly after Ali and Smokin' Joe's last fight. The two of them both supported Rubin.
An interesting note on the song: Dylan only wrote the first eight words, then had a "block." The late psychologist Jacques Levy, who taught a few miles up the road at Colgate University, wrote the rest. I never thought he got enough credit, though he wasn't concerned. He was such a good man.
safeinOhio
(34,208 posts)Remember back in the 50s watching Saturday Night Fights and the parrot asking "how are you fixed for blades" and watching the Hurricane fight. A sad story, well told by Bob. Many of we mere mortals that boxed a little have so much respect for the sport.
H2O Man
(75,711 posts)I'm glad that the internet allows me to watch them with my son and daughter who box. They are both good enough these days that I get out the old letters from Rubin, when he was in Rahway and Trenton, giving me advice when I fought. That man could communicate in writing what many trainers have difficulty teaching these days!
My daughter in Boston trains at the last gym that Rubin visited. There was a very good female fighter there sparring. Afterwards, she asked Rubin what he thought? He said, "You keep dropping your right hand after you throw it. If you were sparring me, my left hook would come sizzling to your jaw the first time you did that." She's kept her hands up since!
My children grew up sure that Rubin was their uncle. Dang, I miss that man!
safeinOhio
(34,208 posts)but not easy "Hands up, Chin down".
KPN
(16,152 posts)Happy Thanksgiving to you & yours!
Pepsidog
(6,317 posts)Battle of the Baldies. Bennie Briscoe a Philly garbage man got a shot at the title in Philly. Back in the day, my father and I had ringside seats to all the Philly fights.
Bad Bennie Briscoe was a heck of a good fighter. He could have won the title in most eras. Bad timing for everyone when Hagler was on top!
Philly is, of course, legendary for great fighters, and a lot of really tough guys like Eugene "Cyclone" Hart. His fights rarely went to the decision. I first met him back when he was (briefly) trained by Cus D'Amato. But Cus wasn't big on fighters who weren't disciplined. Cus put a chain & lock around his refrierator when Buster Mathis (again, briefly) trained in Catskill!
G_j
(40,438 posts)grateful to see you through another year!
H2O Man
(75,711 posts)I've been focused on the flood of information coming out about Trump and Rudy. Couldn't ask for better entertainment for the holiday season, could we?
coeur_de_lion
(3,820 posts)Hope you enjoy the day with your boys.
H2O Man
(75,711 posts)I hope you are having a great day!
Scarsdale
(9,426 posts)Life really is what we make it, in relationship to what we can. I was new to this country, with 3 small kids. My husband was overseas in the US Air Force. I had recently received my driver's license. It was Christmas. We were invited to my sister-in-law's house. It was snowing and I was scared of the drive. Got out to the farm. The whole family was there, kids excited to open gifts. We sat at the table, my niece looks around at all the familiar faces (except us, of course) and said "It is amazing how many people show up for a FREE MEAL" I was crushed, wanted to leave but couldn't since the kids were eager to open their gifts. Finally the torture was over. I never went back there, hardly had any dealings with the family at all. We were strangers, and they made us feel like that. Knowing how my family had treated my husband in the UK when he was stationed there, it really was upsetting. He was made to feel like family. I never got over that hurt. Sort of a rejection for me and my kids. So that was when I realized we had no family here, they were all back home in the UK. Years later, we divorced and I met a REAL man. We had great family gatherings. The kids loved him, and even said they wished he had been their REAL dad. We finally were a real family. He is gone now, and greatly missed. Wonderful guy, who loved to cook.
H2O Man
(75,711 posts)The first time I went to a gathering of my daughters' mother's family, many gave me the cold shoulder. Her younger brother came over and said, " I hope you know you come from the wrong side of the tracks." I cracked up laughing, which made him more hostile. It was the last time he and I spoke.
One aunt and uncle and two-thirds of their sons were friendly, though. We still talk when we run into each other.
Hekate
(95,059 posts)H2O Man
(75,711 posts)It started out nice. My daughters called me from Boston. We talked for an hour, and that was a blast. My older son made the entire meal, which turned out perfect. And the meal was going quite well, until the boys got into an argument about who took the other's pair of socks in the late 1990s. Seriously. I tried twice to call a halt to it, but they were fully intent upon proving beyond question that a true Irishman never forgets the smallest, least significant slight.
At least I know what to get them for Christmas: a nice pair of socks to share. They didn't find that funny, of course, but at least it ended the nonsense.
the_sly_pig
(748 posts)I work 911 Dispatch 2nd shift so ill Be leaving soon after everyone arrives. My job prevents me from participating in many family functions, and has so for years. I often wonder if a paycheck is worth giving up so much life experience. At this point Ive got more time behind me than ahead.
But it helps to remind myself how truly lucky I am. I dont have to worry about a foreign invasion or being the victim of genocide. I dont have to be thankful that I havent been kidnapped or forcibly separated from my children. My problems are first world problems.
I wanted to let you know that you are not alone and hoping a strangers comment helps. I try and remember tomorrow is a new day.
On a lighter note I answered a call from a woman the other day wanting the police to remove a pigeon from her garage that wouldnt leave. Her request left more questions than answers.
Onward we go.....
H2O Man
(75,711 posts)And thank you.
When I worked in human services in the next county over, many years ago, I ended up "on call" on Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's Eve, and Easter. Literally, over a six-year stretch, I got called out at least once per holiday. And there is nothing less pleasant in social work than being called to a family fight on a holiday, when alcohol has been flowing.
My boys are adults now. Both were here, one with his lady. And my daughters called me this morning.
PatrickforO
(15,121 posts)And I feel much compassion for those who for some reason cannot be with their families.
I have been greatly blessed. This Thanksgiving I'll be with my wife, my son, my daughter and her two small children. My health is OK, not real good, but OK. I'm not hungry. I'm not homeless. I have a job and am still physically able to do that job. I have friends and a good name.
If any reading this feel empty and alone, you are not. There is a spirit of love in the air, and it is a love that transcends politics. It is a quiet assurance that you belong, that you have a right to be here, on this earth at this time.
Happy Thanksgiving, and be blessed!
H2O Man
(75,711 posts)I really like this. Thank you.
Uncle Joe
(60,246 posts)Thanks for the thread.
H2O Man
(75,711 posts)Happy Thanksgiving to you & yours!
we can do it
(12,786 posts)H2O Man
(75,711 posts)All the dirt on Trump and Rudycoming out is making this a special holiday season!
NBachers
(18,168 posts)But . . . I've always been able to enjoy Thanksgiving, whether with the family, home with the solitude of a quiet day off, life with the boys, or the ones I spent in Federal Prison. Whatever the conditions, I've always been able to make a good day of it.
This year will be raucous, with my 2½ year old grand daughter, who's chosen me as her best friend and chase-partner and co-conspirator. I'm coming with balloons to blow up and let go, books, and wine corks, which she somehow values.
My sister & brother-in-law, both public-interest criminal defense attorneys, host a friends, orphans, & family Thanksgiving that's been a tradition for decades now. They provided family for my son when I was in the joint, and it's always a lively and loving time. Being a collection of hard San Francisco liberals, we're always on the same political page. When I finish this post, I'll be off to make my traditional jalapeno cornbread, which they always say they look forward to.
Thanksgiving is often a time to reflect on our past times, and our life so far. But, let's project to our next Thanksgiving, and the relief and joy we can share over our victories against the tide of fascism, evil, and stupidity that's gripped our nation.
Happy Thanksgiving, from this Western New York Erie Canal port town native.
Oh yeah- Speaking of Western New York- Democrat Nate McMurray's running hard in a special election in New York's 27th District. Last election, he just missed beating Chris Collins, an indicted millionaire crook who committed insider trading crimes from the White House lawn. Collins has quit, due to his upcoming sentencing, and there will be a special election in April. Dark Republican money and rat*uckers have poured into Western New York to sabotage this election, but McMurray's got an amazing ground game. Let's push this one over the finish line and free Western New York from the Collins / Paladino types. Once Nate's in, he'll hold fast the district.
https://votemcmurray.com/
Being in that part of the state, maybe we can meet up at the NYS Golden Gloves in Buffalo that start in February, 2020. I'm not sure how far a drive that would be for you -- very long drive for us in the winter! -- but I'm usually there a few weekends until the April finals.
I think that by then, Trump & Fiends will be about done. Next Thanksgiving will be a bit more relaxed.
lucca18
(1,322 posts)I love your posts.
You always make me stop, think and reflect.
H2O Man
(75,711 posts)I hope that you & yours have had a nice Thanksgiving.
And thank you for your kind words. I appreciate it!
DFW
(56,741 posts)I woke up in my hotel room in Brussels, went downstairs, got breakfast (at least greeted with "mangandang omagá po!" from the bellman, who knows me). I got in late last night from Paris, and two 30-ish, elegantly dressed German businessmen pushed ahead of me to be in front of me for the check in line, which was getting a little long. Germans are sometimes like that, and have their own word for it: "vordrängeln." I said nothing, and was rewarded when another hotel check-in worker came out and opened a new counter. She is Portuguese of pure African ancestry, and the two Germans probably didn't know if she had the same status to work the check-in counter. She knows me, of course, so I was invited to be the first in her line, and the two businessmen grumbled as they switched lines to stand behind me as the check-in employee and wait impatiently as she and I exchanged pleasantries in Portuguese, which they obviously didn't understand.
This morning, the two omelet chefs in the breakfast restaurant are two African guys I have known forever. One is Algerian and the other is from Cameroun. I talk with the Algerian in Italian, as he spent 15 years in Rome. He addresses me as "dottore (doctor)," which I am not. His colleague speaks to me in French. The hotel guests wonder who the f*** I am that the omelet chefs both come up and shake my hand. I want to shout, "I'm nobody, just a guy who knows the omelet chefs!" I stay quiet.
The guy at the checkout counter this morning was from Spain (I know him, too), and I was outta there in a flash. The weather sucked. It was damp-cold and raining, but there's not a taxi driver in Brussels that will take you if you tell them that where you're going is 400 meters from where you are. So, I dragged my stuff across the cobblestones to my first appointment. Got done there, dragged my gear back outside to the Metro, down the steps, and grabbed the first Metro to Gare du Midi, from which I got a commuter train out to my next appointment. I called ahead, as this station is out in the middle of nowhere. No taxi, no phone, no nothing. One of their guys came to get me, and in 10 minutes I was in the warm office, speaking Dutch with the Flemish-speakers, French with the Walloons, and took it easy until closing time. I still had nearly two hours to kill in Brussels South until my train left for Germany, so I got some couscous, set up the laptop, and nibbled for an hour and a half. I am now on the train from Brussels back to Köln, where I will switch for a train to Düsseldorf, where I will switch to a train back to the town I live in. My wife will pick me up, and I can finally get some rest.t
The guests for tomorrow, when we do our American-style Thanksgiving dinner, are starting to trickle in. One young woman flew in from Madrid. She will be our token American (we usally have none). A German woman her age, a former classmate of my NYC-based daughter, will train in from Berlin. She has lived in the USA and speaks perfect American English. My daughter, boyfriend, and baby daughter will come up from Frankfurt tomorrow, and our Dutch friend will drive over from his small town near Arnhem. The Austrians and Germans will assemble throughout the afternoon, with one major exception.
One friend who will be absent for the first time in many years is a doctor we have known for over 40 years. He donated several weeks of his time every year in Africa with Doctors Without Borders. He was in the hospital for an angiogram when he suffered two strokes. At first, he was a vegetable. He then regained the ability to speak, if not well enough to be a TV news anchor. But he has regained almost no motor control, and he can't even feed himself. He is in a rehab clinic and is miserable. As a doctor, he knows full well that after such strokes, it is 50-50 if he will recover enough motor skills to again live without assistance again or not. He has spurned all offers of a visit, and is not in good spirits. We will think of him, but we can't help.
So, voilà, a Thanksgiving report from another perspective. I hope all have a holiday that is to their satisfaction, if not entirely to their liking. A fictional character I liked once said you can either try to raise what you have to meet your desires, or you can lower your desires to meet what you already have. I say, good on ya if you manage the one or the other.
NBachers
(18,168 posts)My sister and I will be the German-Irish American participants at the Thanksgiving dinner hosted at her home today. Her husband, Mexican-American with a large and loving family, will be part of the festivities. My son has married a Bulgarian woman who would be a world-class catch in any part of the world. We just picked her mom up at the airport last week. Mom flew in from Istanbul on a flight that started in Sofia, her home. Mom, named Svetozara, has just retired, and is here on an extended visit to help care for my 2 year old grand daughter. The dinner will be filled with associates and friends; all of them hard Democratic liberals. My son's wife, Savina, brings an interesting and determined Eastern European socialist perspective to the mix. We're not afraid of strong women.
My Shanghai-American lady friend will spend the day at home, cooking for her son, who will spend the day buried in his studies. She may spend some time at one of her two jobs, or she may stay at home and find some other work to do. A whirlwind force of nature, we spend time together when our busy schedules permit. She's good at painting, a whiz at electrical, and is able to tutor her son in advanced physics and calculus, which she learned when she obtained a mechanical engineering degree in Shanghai.
And that's my San Francisco Thanksgiving.
DFW
(56,741 posts)I once briefly had a Bulgarian girlfriend in my freshman year of college. A fairly recent immigrant, she had breezed through undergrad at Penn in 3 years and was heading for medical school at Yale.* Talk about strong women. I find them pretty special anyway. My wife was offered a modeling job around the time I met her (barely age 22). She told them to shove it, said she wasn't taking courses in social work to have a bunch of guys take pictures of her in her underwear (their loss, but not my problem). Our daughters are the same way, I think I have told you about them before.
*This was 1971, so "socialism" was a very dirty word to her, as her family had risked their lives fleeing it 5 years before.
That was fun to read! Thank you for sharing this with us!
malaise
(278,485 posts)We had a lovely reunion over the weekend
H2O Man
(75,711 posts)And see? I get to talk with my Wonderful Sister here!
I hope you had a great reunion -- I know the others did, because hanging out with you on the internet is so good, that "in person" can only be better!
Me.
(35,454 posts)Very Buddhist of him. More and more the concept of wabi-sabi, seeing the perfect in the imperfect, is coming into play.
Happy Thanksgiving to you, the boys, Chloe and Ruth.
H2O Man
(75,711 posts)the second-half of his incarceration his "Buddha phase." It was something else. He was pretty isolated then. The longest and most beautiful letters I got from him were from this period.
The girls opted to be in Boston for the day. Odd, that. You'd think that people in their 20s would prefer to hang out at an old cross-roads that was a hamlet in the early 1800s. Population today is up to 9 total. Lots of excitement. Boston must be boring in comparison.