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Sat Dec 14, 2019, 01:21 PM

'Please Guide Me In My Darkest Hour Lord,' Prays Trump Kneeling Before Portrait Of Himself



WASHINGTON—Lighting candles at the altar before lowering his head in reverence, President Donald Trump prayed for the lord to guide him in his darkest hour Thursday while kneeling before a portrait of himself.

“You, the all-seeing, all-knowing, he who stands above all other beings, in my time of need, please show me the way,” said Trump, gazing into the eyes of his portrait and asking for the kind of strength that can only be granted by the almighty himself.

“Eternal one, king of kings, I have always served you dutifully and have never forsaken the quest for your glory. In all your omnipotence, I beg that you shine a light and show me how to strike down your enemies. If delivered from this trial, I will spread your word to the ends of the Earth and make sure all of humanity sings your praises.”

Trump concluded the prayer by saying he would gladly offer up his children in holy sacrifice for his lord if it would secure his glory.

https://politics.theonion.com/please-guide-me-in-my-darkest-hour-lord-prays-trump-1838748381

6 replies, 836 views

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Reply 'Please Guide Me In My Darkest Hour Lord,' Prays Trump Kneeling Before Portrait Of Himself (Original post)
Zorro Dec 2019 OP
Faux pas Dec 2019 #1
gratuitous Dec 2019 #2
Blue Owl Dec 2019 #3
uncle ray Dec 2019 #4
tanyev Dec 2019 #5
mahatmakanejeeves Dec 2019 #6

Response to Zorro (Original post)

Sat Dec 14, 2019, 01:26 PM

1. Lol

It's a possibility, for sure.

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Sat Dec 14, 2019, 01:50 PM

2. And after a quick chorus of "How Great I Art"

Trump went to meet with evangelical leaders, who all kissed his, uh, ring.

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Sat Dec 14, 2019, 02:32 PM

3. Little known fact: Sly Stallone's body is under that v-neck

n/t

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Sat Dec 14, 2019, 02:36 PM

4. That sigh of relief when you see the onion link.

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Sat Dec 14, 2019, 02:55 PM

5. That portrait must have been painted during Donnie's Dr. Who phase.

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Sat Dec 14, 2019, 04:33 PM

6. This would make a fine painting by Jon McNaughton.

McMaughton Fine Art Company

MAGA Ride



I wanted to paint a picture of President Trump and Melania on a jacked-up motorcycle, painted up with the American flag and patriotism, as they ride down a bumpy, crumbling road that represents the hazards and the problems that this presidency has faced since Trump has been elected. Behind the president are a broad variety of Americans. Some are wearing their red, MAGA hats, a veteran saluting, and people from all walks of life. They are all there, and we are cheering on our president. If you look closely in the cracks you might see something interesting there. Get ready . . . this is the MAGA Ride!

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