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Fri Feb 28, 2020, 01:39 AM

Pence Orders CDC to Quadruple Thought and Prayer Capacity to Combat Coronavirus

WASHINGTON, D.C. — As his first official act in the capacity of overseeing the country’s response to a potential coronavirus update, Vice President High Priest Mike Pence has issued an order to the Centers for Disease Control for a dramatic increase in its capacity to stockpile thoughts and prayers. Pence, who was the governor of Indiana when an HIV outbreak occurred, in part because of his administration’s policies toward IV drug use, told the media today that he plans to ask Americans to “pray super-duper hard” for a quick end to any potential outbreak of the virus that is causing great concern and anxiety across the globe. The CDC announced this week that a coronavirus outbreak in the U.S. is all but inevitable.

At a press conference yesterday, Trump announced that he was putting Pence in charge of the task force that would oversee the nation’s preparation for, and response to, an outbreak. Arriving to work today, Vice President Pence asked Americans to “stay calm” but to “remember prayer is the only thing that can save us.” Pence warned against the “temptation to rely on so-called doctors and their so-called medicines and science.”

“I have asked the CDC to quadruple its ability to safely store our country’s thoughts and prayers because we’re going to need it,” Pence said. “In times like these, it might be quite tempting indeed to listen to the words of doctors and other scientists, but I must tell you how dangerous that is. Because all of the alleged knowledge they claim to have came from one place, and it wasn’t their textbooks in government indoctrination colleges. Their knowledge comes right from God himself.”

https://www.politicalgarbagechute.com/mike-pence-orders-cdc-to-quadruple-thought-and-prayer-capacity-to-combat-coronavirus/amp/

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Reply Pence Orders CDC to Quadruple Thought and Prayer Capacity to Combat Coronavirus (Original post)
EarthFirst Feb 2020 OP
jls4561 Feb 2020 #1
mr_lebowski Feb 2020 #4
BigmanPigman Feb 2020 #2
napi21 Feb 2020 #3
mr_lebowski Feb 2020 #5
SergeStorms Feb 2020 #6

Response to EarthFirst (Original post)

Fri Feb 28, 2020, 01:43 AM

1. Then he added...

If you are still worried, go out back and have a cigarette to calm your nerves.

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Response to jls4561 (Reply #1)

Fri Feb 28, 2020, 01:57 AM

4. Because we all know that Cancer comes from God, and is nothing to do w/smoking at all

It's even in the Bible ... you've heard of the Burning Bush, right?

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Response to EarthFirst (Original post)

Fri Feb 28, 2020, 01:53 AM

2. I would be laughing harder if this wasn't so close to the truth.

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Response to EarthFirst (Original post)

Fri Feb 28, 2020, 01:54 AM

3. Oh geesh. What is wrong with these people? I have a few relatives who are Nuns & a minister,

and a priest. NONE OF THEM TELL YOU TO REPLACE GOOD SCIENCE WITH PRAYERS! They all pray. They pray for the sick, their friends, even their enemies, but there's a place for science, and another place for prayer. These folks who replace one with the other are WRONG!

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Response to napi21 (Reply #3)

Fri Feb 28, 2020, 01:58 AM

5. It's a satire site ... not even Pence is quite this loony, you'll be relieved to know (nt)

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Response to EarthFirst (Original post)

Fri Feb 28, 2020, 02:52 AM

6. All of the sudden....

Science has become useful again to republicans. Imagine that. Dog isn't going to wave his magic hand and protect them, so Science is their backup plan I guess. These fuckwits should all be moved to the back of the line when a vaccine is developed.

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